Secret
by Twilighter620
Summary: Contd. "Secret One-Shot." Edward Masen is the disillusioned Lieutenant of the SPD's SWAT unit. He soon realizes his fascination with the fiery SWJ reporter, Isabella Woods - who's identity is not all it seems. Will Edward change his ways and fall in love?
1. Chapter 1

This takes place in September, eight months before the one-shot happens. This is mostly an EPOV story but there will be some occasional BPOV. Actually, chapter three is BPOV. I'm excited for this story to start already so I'm hoping you guys are too. There will usually be a song for each chapter with this story at the beginning or end but this chapter is song-less. The playlist starts next chapter.

_I don't own Twilight, all the glory goes to Stephenie ;)_

* * *

I was cruising in my Volvo without a care in the world. I was Lieutenant-Detective Edward Masen and life was perfect. I was single and got action anytime I so desired. I had a great job at which other officers despised me because I was _that_ good. And I lived in the greatest city ever.

Things couldn't have turned out better if I had planned them. I pulled up to my familiar apartment and got out. I was off today and as much as I loved my job I loved what was waiting in my bed for me even better.

I rode the few floors upstairs on the elevator to my apartment. I unlocked the door and threw my keys on the table. They slid across the glass and knocked into a group of newspapers strewn across my dining room table.

_So, she finally remembered to pick up the mail? _It was a known-fact that the gorgeous girl sleeping in my bed was desired by every man who looked her way but goddamnit she could be as dumb as a doorknob.

I sat down at the table and poured myself a glass of scotch. Hey, it was happy hour somewhere.

I flipped through the stale pages of the newspaper absentmindedly. All the news reports about stuff going down in Seattle I was already well-informed of. I got through three newspapers when I saw the one I was most interested in reading but avoiding at the same time. It was the _Seattle Weekly Journal_.

It only came out on Sundays, like today, and each time I read the damn thing it made my blood boil. I wasn't sure why I always read it if I knew it'd piss me off but I think a part of me always wanted to know what _she_ would write. The know-it-all, self-righteous, condescending, bitch from the investigative reporting section. Her name was Isabella Woods.

She was a sarcastic twit that always took a shot at our police department. Her little features for her column always made me livid but reading them was like a drug. I had to know what creative jab she'd come up with this week. And there was no avoiding her stories. The guys in the department never shut up about them. I had to order my team to stop talking about them.

_Well, let's see what the ice princess comes up with this week._

**City Government to Re-allocate Funds for SPD S.W.A.T. Team**

_How, the fuck did she find these things out?_

A source that has asked to be unnamed, informed the _Seattle Weekly_ _Journal_ that the city government will be re-allocating some of its funds to help support the expansion of the Seattle Police Department's S.W.A.T. team. When questioned further the source divulged that the city government will be donating some 115 million dollars to the unit in order to help pay for more advanced technology, a new array of weapons, and more money to hire new agents. After doing research, I discovered the SPD's S.W.A.T. unit already had more than 80 million dollars of funding distributed to the small but impressive unit last year. The unit reportedly spent 35 million dollars of that funding on new technology for better operations and 40 million on weapons. So the question becomes if they bought so much new technology and better weapons why do they still need funding? And why is the city government so happy to oblige?

It turns out that city councilman Peter Herman had a stake in the decision and was a major supporter. Herman rallied for the SPD to receive its new funding. The vote to re-allocate the funds was unanimous and Herman couldn't be happier. When interviewed before this article was written Herman said: "The decision to re-allocate the Seattle Police Department's funds was unanimous because everyone on the council knew it was in the best interest of Seattle's citizens. With a high-performing S.W.A.T. team big-time drug dealers and other scum can be taken off the streets effectively."

The quote sounded innocent-enough until the issue of Herman's trustworthiness came up. As many citizens of our city know the city councilman has been investigated numerous times by the Ethics Committee and has been linked to mob boss Danny Fiori. When Fiori was brought into court last year on charges of racketeering and grand theft auto his company files were taken into custody. It was discovered later on that one of Fiori's gambling buddies was none other than Herman. The city council member refuted the evidence and was cleared on all charges due to a lack of stable evidence. His lawyers claimed the documents were inauthentic. Fiori made it off as well which brings us back to the present issue. Did Peter Herman rally votes so the SPD would be more lenient with him and steer clear of anything that might incriminate him?

When I spoke to the SPD's Chief of Police earlier this week he had this to say, "The Seattle Police Department is not intimidated or swayed by any sum of money. I can assure everyone that the head of our S.W.A.T. unit is more than itching to finally close in on the major drug-dealers in our area. Although, we appreciate Councilman Herman's efforts and the funding we received it will not stop us from arresting anyone involved in criminal activities. If Mr. Herman or the mayor or I for that matter participated in illegal activities we would be arrested and charged just the same as anyone else." That is a bold statement coming from a man who just got his S.W.A.T. team funded.

So where does this leave us now? With a possibly corrupted S.W.A.T. unit or a better performing division of the Seattle Police Department—we will just have to wait and see if this is the year they can put Fiori behind bars. Or if they make excuses about not having enough equipment and man-power to take him down. Either way this reporter will be waiting, not holding her breath.

_Bitch!_

Where the hell did she get off undermining my unit? We were more than capable of taking down Fiori. If those geniuses upstairs could ever get solid evidence of his less than legal business practices then we could certainly take him down. She wrote it herself that Herman and Fiori had gotten off due to legalities.

It was never a matter of not being able to take out Fiori. His lackeys weren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed. Busting them while they operated was cake. It was getting the evidence and testimonies to stick that were the problem. Granted, I was a detective myself, it wasn't my responsibility to get incriminating evidence on the guy.

I groaned and threw the paper against the opposite wall. The wind slowed it down and sent the offensive article flying in a different direction from the rest of the newspaper. I poured myself another glass of scotch and downed it quickly.

I strolled over to the bedroom and found Vanessa passed out cold in my bed. She was curled in the same exact position I had left her in this morning. Her "clothes" were still scattered across my bedroom and I could see her dangerous-looking heels in the corner. I wasn't sure when they had made their way over there but it wasn't surprising. She had a tendency to throw clothes when we were otherwise preoccupied.

I placed my empty glass on the nightstand and climbed into bed. She stirred and turned over to face me. I waited.

"Hi," she said in a raspy voice.

"Hey."

"Where were you? Did you go somewhere?"

"Yeah, I stepped out this morning."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just needed some time for myself. I went to the Harbor to think."

"Think about what?"

"Stuff."

"Oh…"she didn't finish.

I knew what she was about to bring up. It was the conversation we always had the day after we hooked up. Vanessa and I had known each other for a while. She always expected me to make some grand gesture and realize how solitary I was without her in my life on a regular basis. Mostly she expected me to make us official. She never got her way though.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you ever going to make this a serious relationship or are we ever only going to be fuck buddies?"

"You already know the answer to that. I don't understand why you do this every time. It just makes you upset."

"Because, damnit Edward, I'm in this relationship too. I have feelings too!"

"Don't give me that. You knew my stance on dating beforehand. I warned you."

"I didn't expect to fall in love with you!" she shouted.

She was sitting up now, the sheet held closely to her chest. Her blue eyes were blazing with emotion and her brown eyebrows were pulled together. It was her trademark 'I'm-pissed-look.' I didn't respond to her. I couldn't say the same thing to her. I could never say those three little words to anyone and I doubted I ever would.

Phrases like "I love you" weren't part of my vocabulary. They were reserved for one person and she was miles away. The connotation was also _much_ different. There was no romanticism when I told Esme I loved her. She was my mother and she raised me by herself…fuck yeah I loved the woman.

"Vanessa, I think you should go."

"Fine! I have a photo-shoot tomorrow anyway and I'm going to Miami this weekend for another one. When I get back we need to talk, Edward. If you don't plan on making some changes in this relationship when I get back then I think we should stop seeing each. I'm sick of being a booty call," she stood up and picked up her dress.

She slipped the silky, thin material on and grabbed her underwear and shoes off the floor. The leggy model made her way towards my open bedroom door and paused. She turned around.

"I'll stop by your job Tuesday afternoon before I leave. Please don't ruin this, Edward," her voice was grave.

She walked out and disappeared down the hall. I could hear the faint sound of my apartment door closing. I closed my eyes and sighed. It was so frustrating when they got like this. Why couldn't I ever find a girl who was okay with the casual sex? Why did they always want a relationship? I was the wrong guy to be dating in the first place.

I drank. I was sexually active. I had a dangerous job. I was a workaholic. I had a foul mouth. I was seriously emotionally and morally bankrupt. I could count the number of people I genuinely cared about on one hand. I was cynical and sarcastic to a fault. I was exceedingly self-absorbed.

What girl in their right mind would possibly love me? I knew Vanessa had her own bag of issues but shit. I didn't need to be concerned about hers as well. I fell asleep and started to dream of the last time I saw my father.

_Flashback_

_I was only nine at the time. I had been a boy scout and was coming home from a troop meeting. My mother was in the driver's seat and was uncharacteristically quiet. She usually chattered away and asked me a long series of questions about my troop meeting until we got home. She was biting her lip to the point where I was sure she'd start bleeding. Her eyes were crazed and darting everywhere. They never focused on one thing for too long. _

_I looked at her skeptically and then glanced out the window. We were in my neighborhood now. I could see the James' house, the McGregor's house, O'Neill's house, Craig's house, and finally my house. The driveway was empty which was normal. I was relieved. I was worried Grandma Beth and Grandpa Ed had surprised us with a visit. I always had to sleep on the couch when they visited. And Mom never got along much with Grandma Beth and Grandpa Ed._

_My mother turned the car off and stepped out. I looked at her as she turned in my direction to head into the house. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, as if she'd been crying a lot. I got curious again but said nothing. I had been raised to ignore adults like that. If you ever saw anything uncharacteristic or strange you just gnawed on the memory or visual. You never said anything. _

_I stared at my black and white Converse while we walked into the house. This was really strange. There were suitcases in the living room. Were we going on vacation? It was only October and school just started. Mom and Dad never let me miss school for stuff like this._

_I heard a thump and turned around to see my mom drop her stuff in the middle of the hallway and disappear into her bedroom. She closed the door behind her. I heard the click of her lock and waited. It was a whole three minutes that she hadn't come back. I picked up her purse and keys and placed them on the hallway table. _

_My stomach growled and I realized that there was no afternoon snack waiting for me as usual. I inspected the kitchen and dining room. There was no PB&J or ham and cheese sandwich. No juice or milk. No animal crackers or fruit. Mom must have forgotten. I grabbed a glass of apple juice, being careful not to spill anywhere and an orange._

_I passed by Mom and Dad's room on the way to mine and stopped when I heard a weird noise. I stepped closer to her door and got really quiet. I'd be in super trouble if she knew I was eavesdropping. I pressed my ear on her door and her weird noises. I concentrated really hard to place the sound and realized there were broken sobs coming from the other side of the door. _

_She was crying. _

_But why would she be crying? Did I upset her? Did I do something wrong? I gulped and backed away from the door. Dad would yell at me when he got home for upsetting Mom if he saw her crying. I retreated to my bedroom and did the homework Mrs. Kaufman had assigned. She was a mean teacher. She gave us a lot of homework._

_I finished all of my assignments at around 6:00 and Mom still hadn't called me for dinner. I got out my baseball cards and started to re-organize my book. I was bored and I couldn't go out to play with Greg and Timmy. I needed to ask Mom for permission and there was no way I'd be anywhere near her door today. _

_Dad would be home soon at least. Maybe he'd still order a pizza for dinner, even if he was mad at me for making Mom cry. I climbed into my bed and started to count the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. I must have fallen asleep because it was dark and I was startled when I heard a door slam. _

_I shot up from my bed and looked at my clock. It was 8:30 at night. Was Mom finally up? I crept out of my bedroom and tip-toed towards Mom's door. It was open and she was missing. I could hear her talking to someone down the hall._

"_Please, Edward don't do this. I love you. Edward loves you too. There's no family without you," my mother pleaded._

_At first I thought she was talking to me until I saw my Dad brush past her and grab a piece of luggage._

"_Esme, stop. I'm sick of your begging. I'm not in love with you anymore and Edward is fine. He's old enough to take care of himself. Why do you think I waited so long?"_

"_Has it really been this long?"_

"_I haven't touched you in years. You should know."_

_It wasn't until I was older that I realized exactly what that meant._

"_I thought maybe it was just a stage. Plenty of couples have issues. We can work through this Edward. Please, don't leave me."_

"_No, Esme. I'm done. I knew almost ten years ago that we'd run our course. I was just waiting for Edward to get a little more mature. I wouldn't want to leave you with a baby."_

"_But you can leave me now!" my mother cried frantically._

_I hadn't realized I was crying. My eyes were stinging from tears and my cheeks had a line of moisture on either side. I brushed the tears away and stared at my father. He was bringing his luggage to the front door. He was leaving without us. And it didn't sound like he ever planned on coming back._

"_Look, Esme…when Edward wakes up tell him I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. I can't live a lie anymore. Heather makes me happy."_

"_That's her name?"_

"_Yes."_

_I heard a sob break free from my mother. Heather sounded younger than Mom._

"_Goodbye, Esme."_

"_Dad!" my voice shouted._

_I had never even made a conscience decision to announce my presence or address him. My voice shocked even myself. I ran down the hall and turned the corner. He was holding a duffle bag in his hand and pausing at the door. My mother was crying silently while he stared at me._

"_She's your responsibility now."_

_And without another word he walked out the door and closed it behind him. I ran to the window and peeked outside. The front-lights on his car light up as he turned the car on. He backed out of the driveway and turned down the block. I never saw that car again and I never saw _him_ again._

_End Flashback_

I awoke with a start. I had seen a number of scary movies in my life—The Exorcist included—but that dream always scared me and made my blood run cold. The absolute look of harshness and heartlessness was more frightening than anything I'd ever seen. To think someone could be so genuinely cruel and callous was disconcerting.

I stayed away from relationships. I would never want anyone to accuse me with their words or thoughts of being that way when I supposedly said I cared about them. At least with my indifference it was expected. Not a blindsiding action of selfishness. You couldn't be left disappointed if you had no expectations.

I sat on the side of my bed and held my face in my hands. I hated that dream. It was so vivid and it usually came around at the worst times. It had a habit of resurfacing after really emotionally draining situations or whenever something big was about to happen. Nothing major was supposed to be happening so I figured it had to do with my "argument" with Vanessa.

Normally, I would go to a bar and pick up some hot girl to entertain myself with after evenings like this one but I had work tomorrow. I ran a hand down my face and switched the lamp beside my bed on. I grabbed the Chinese food menu from my drawer and dialed the number.

The food came quickly so I grabbed a beer and some utensils from the kitchen. I placed them on the table when I heard a crumpling sound. I glanced down and the news article from this morning was still on the floor. I picked up the now ripped piece of paper and threw it in the trash. Stupid Isabella Woods.

I never understood why she deserved a column. Her writing wasn't exactly riveting and all she did was make jabs at the different government agencies and news in Seattle. I would bet she wasn't even from Seattle. She was probably some small-town hick that thought she was important because she wrote for a newspaper in a major city.

I sat there and chewed on my steamed broccoli when a thought occurred to me. Charlie had been quoted in her article. I wasn't exactly sure why or how but she _always_ had a quote when the article was directly related to him. It actually drove me somewhat crazy. She was constantly humiliating us yet he still spoke to her.

I realize he tried to be diplomatic and maintain good relationships with even the haters but shit she was more than hater. I would go so far as to say she abhorred the Seattle Police Department. Isabella Woods took free speech to new extremes with her articles on us.

I grabbed my beer bottle roughly and took a swig of beer. I needed to get this chick off of my mind. I was having a crappy day as it was.

* * *

"Did you see Woods' article?" one of my officers asked me.

"Yes."

"What are you gonna do about it?"

"There's nothing I _can_ do."

"Oh c'mon. You're the head of the S.W.A.T. team. I'm sure if you talk to Charlie he'll think of _something_ to do."

"I highly doubt it. He seems to like her actually."

"What do you mean?"

"He's always giving her quotes. Obviously they speak."

"Good point. I never noticed that."

I was reading through a press statement I was supposed to release on the article. I was drowning in paperwork as well. This damn article had me up to my ears in a tree-hugger's nightmare. There were stacks of white computer paper everywhere.

"You know she took a stab at you. She sai—"

"Valence shut the hell up and get out of my office! I told you I don't want you dickheads to talk about her articles and yet here you are. You've got a shitload of paperwork to fill out on your desk that's for the Chief himself. I suggest you get your ass on it and quit gossiping like a chick. Understand?" my voice turned more authoritative towards the end.

"Yes, Lieutenant."

"Good, now get the fuck out of my office."

"Yes, sir."

Jay stood up and scrambled to the door. He was actually one of my favorite officers but God did he not know when to quit while he was ahead. He'd done it in for himself as soon as he mentioned the part that dealt with me.

I knew that was incredibly girly and a total cop-out but I wasn't interested in having a conversation about the little Starbuck's sipping, Nietzsche reading, "intellectual," that made it her personal pleasure in life undermining my superiors and coworkers.

As Jay stepped out Emmett stepped in. He practically took up the whole doorframe he was so damn huge. He planted himself in the seat Jay had just vacated and leaned forward.

"Don't bring it up," I warned.

"I wasn't. I was going to bring you some news about it though."

"Don't bring that up either."

"You're going to want to hear this…trust me," he smirked at me.

I glanced at him from my papers and his dimples were prominent. It didn't matter if the guy was 6'5 and over 300 pounds. He still had a baby face.

"Make it quick. I have things to do," I snapped.

"I was up by the Chief's office, talking to Captain Oliveros and rumor has it that you should be expecting a phone call from him in the next few minutes."

"Who? Oliveros?"

"No. Charlie."

"Why?"

"Remember when I said news about the article?"

"Shit. What does he want?" I was wary.

"I heard he's making you do an interview with her."

_Fuck me_.

"Face-to-face," his smile grew.

_Could it get any worse?_

"Tomorrow morning," he leaned back in his chair satisfied.

_Apparently, it could._

"Oliveros told you all of this?"

"No. He heard it from Swan's secretary. Apparently, she was talking to the girl and having it set up."

I held my face in my hands. This was _not_ how I planned on finally getting my two cents in where Isabella Woods was concerned. If I ever spoke to her, I promised myself there'd be shouting and swearing involved. Now I was supposed to be doing an interview!

"He can forget it," I finally spoke.

"Who can forget what?" a voice that was very obviously not Emmett's spoke.

My head snapped up and Chief Swan was standing in my doorframe.

"Sorry, Masen. I didn't realize you were having a conversation. Nice to see you Sergeant McCarty," the Chief nodded at Emmett.

Emmett immediately stood up as did I and we saluted him.

"At ease, guys. McCarty do you think you can give Masen and I a minute?"

"Yes, sir," Emmett nodded and saluted him once more before walking out.

"Have a seat, sir," I motioned to Emmett's empty chair.

He took a seat and made himself comfortable. I sat down behind my desk and waited for the order. This was going to be unpleasant.

"I'll skip over the details Lieutenant since I'm sure you read the article in yesterday's _Seattle Weekly Journal_."

"Yes, sir."

"We've had quite some press over it in the last 24 hours and the public relations coordinator suggested we set up an interview between you and Ms. Sw—Woods."

"I see, sir."

"The interview will be tomorrow morning—in the conference room on my floor. Be there before 9:00. Be—Ms. Woods is always on time."

"Yes, sir."

"The goal is for her to really get a feel for you. I don't want there to be any miscommunication or misread information. Hopefully, a face-to-face interview will help her to stay off your back about this city council thing. If you can do a good job then she'll more than likely have no choice but to write about what a fantastic job you're doing with our S.W.A.T. team."

"With all due respect, sir. Don't you think we could maybe look into other avenues of dealing with thi—?" I didn't get to finish.

"Lieutenant, this is an order. There will be no refutation."

I sighed and resigned to my orders. No matter how many men I led on my team, I still had superiors of my own.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. I have to warn you Lieutenant, my da—Ms. Woods is a firecracker. You better be prepared to answer her questions."

"I understand."

"Okay, Lieutenant. I'm counting on you not to mess this up."

"Yes, sir."

I stood up and saluted him before he departed from my office. I let out the breath I was holding and sunk back into my chair. This was going to be awful. I just knew it. I'd never had such strong emotions of dislike towards someone I'd never met.

I could only imagine what it'd be like to put a face to those whiny articles I read every Sunday. I could picture her right now. She was definitely one of those condescending, intellectuals who looked down on everyone. I'd love to be the one to burst the little bubble she's living in but unfortunately it wouldn't be tomorrow.

* * *

So what did everyone think of the first chapter? Edward is a lot different now from when he's in the one-shot. A lot happens over the course of the few months they know each other and he changes. His love for her makes everything different.

I know some people will ask about why Edward didn't notice Charlie's slips but the truth is he doesn't even notice it he's so pissed. He doesn't think anything of it until later. And Bella uses a fake last name for safety reasons. She's well-known and it would be imprudent for her to be pubically known as the Chief of Police's daughter so Charlie keeps up with the charade.

Reviews make me happy so go ahead and click that ugly blue button, lol.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the reviews last chapter. The response was really exciting. I'm so happy to see everyone is excited about the continuation or prequel.

I got a lot of reviews about Edward's personality/behavior. My general response was that right now Edward is very disillusioned. I tried with the flashback to give a small insight as to why he's so distant and weary about relationships. It's a defense mechanism. As soon as Bella and Edward start to get to know each other better he'll start to fall for her and when he eventually does that will be the thing that inspires him to change. In the one-shot he mentions not deserving her love a lot and all his behavior right now is the reason why he thinks that. I just wanted to explain that for anyone who was curious but didn't get to review ;)

This chapters song is "Love Song for No One" by John Mayer. I _really_ recommend you listen to it. Honestly, it just fits so perfectly with this chapter and I've taken _a lot_ of time to comprise a playlist for this story. The link is on my profile if you need it. I love the dialogue at the beginning of the song, haha.

_I don't own Twilight, but thanks to fanfiction I can manipulate our favorite characters ;)_

* * *

I'd never hated a Tuesday as much as I hated today. It was a known fact that Tuesday's were the worst day of the week for me but today just took the cake. I was antsy from the second I "woke up." I had been restless all night, thinking about what I would say to this Isabella Woods. In all honesty, I had nothing to say to her other than things that would get me fired.

I tried to think of other things like how Vanessa would be stopping by today and how things would end up. If I was being completely honest with myself I wasn't ready to let her go. Yeah, her lack of intelligence frustrated me at times but in a lot of ways she was just very naïve. She was one of my best friends aside from being a good fuck.

I had told her things about myself that only people like Emmett knew. I had very few true friends in life. I could count them all on one hand—Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rose, and Vanessa. Of course I was pretty friendly so I got along with everyone but there were only those choice few who I actually allowed to see how truly fucked up I was.

Getting close to Jasper wasn't really by choice. If I had known him in any other setting I might not be friends with him. He gave good advice but I was too much of an asshole to actually be friends with him but no matter I was still close to my one and only brother.

Jasper was Carlisle's son. He was my step-brother.

I could very clearly remember how pissed I was when Mom started dating again and when I found out she and Carlisle were getting married. I loved Carlisle and all—he was a great guy—but I think as a child I always held onto a vain hope that my father might show up again.

Jasper was a few years younger than me. I could remember when we were in high school together. I was a senior when he was a freshman. He could have ridden on the coattails of my legacy in our high school but Jasper was a better person than I was.

Jasper wasn't remembered by his classmates for throwing wicked parties, screwing half of the female population in our school, and being an all-around badass. Jasper was the good guy. I was the disappointment. At least I was a disappointment until I went to college.

College had been rather eye-opening for me. No one gave a fuck about me. They didn't know the name Edward Masen, nor did they care. I had to pull my ass back in line quick and actually do something with my life.

I had actually been on a pre-med track due to my fascination with Carlisle's job but I took a criminal justice elective one semester and found my true calling. It was an elective that made me realize what exactly I needed to do in life. I had very few experiences like that in life. Experiences that made you think "well shit imagine if I hadn't done or said that." I mostly got by and let the chips fall where they may but I was truly thankful for taking the initiative for once.

I sighed and rolled out of bed. I had reached my internal limit of sulking and brooding. I didn't like to think or have time to let my thoughts fester. They always reminded me of the pain and the deep void in my life. As much as I loved my job I was still missing something. I wasn't sure what but I knew I wasn't exactly content with life.

I put my polo on and slacks. Thankfully, I was past all that officer bullshit with the uniforms and crap. They were uncomfortable.

I stole a peek out my huge dining room window. Overcast as usual. I shook my head and grabbed a jacket. I slipped into the leather seats of my Volvo and started the engine. It purred beautifully and I sighed. I probably loved this car more than most people in my life. It was reliable.

The drive to work was quick. I pulled into the employee parking lot and slipped into my spot. It didn't have a name on it or anything. We were cops, how fucking smart would that be? But all the officers knew I liked parking there. In fact, Emmett used to send some of the rookies to park there just to piss me off and see them squirm. He was such an ass sometimes.

The elevator ride was short. I got to my office around eight so I would have plenty of time to relax myself before this interview. I had no idea why I was so anxious. I couldn't stand this chick. Why was I getting worked up over her? I wasn't even in my office for two minutes before Emmett knocked on my door.

"What?" I called out.

He didn't respond. He allowed himself in. It didn't matter if I was his superior, unless he knew I was in Lieutenant-mode he didn't act like a subordinate.

"Interview's today," he sat in his designated seat.

"No shit."

"Christ! Who stuck a pole up _your_ ass?"

"I'm not interested in doing this interview at all so fuck you if I want to be tense."

"She hasn't arrived yet. I got some of the rookies to be on the lookout for an unfamiliar girl on the Chief's floor."

"I would think so. It's only eight. We're not meeting until nine."

"Yeah, I guess. It's good to be prepared though. Who knows...maybe the ice queen is a sex bomb?"

"I highly doubt it."

"There's still a possibility though. I had Rose Google her yesterday. No photos. It was kind of weird."

"She probably tries to hide from the public because she's got every cop, politician, drug dealer, mob boss, and person with a stake in this city pissed at her. God knows I wouldn't mind giving her a piece of my mind."

Emmett laughed and shook his head.

"How is Rose, by the way?"

"She's doing well. She's pretty busy with school. Wallace was trying to convince her to go back to the club but I set his ass straight. I told him I'd arrest him for harassment and then have his club shut down."

I laughed. Wallace—Rosalie's former boss—tried to puff out his chest and seem tough but he was actually the biggest pussy ever. He couldn't do shit. Emmett was intimidating to me at times when he was in officer-mode. I could only imagine how bad Wallace wanted to shit his pants when Emmett threatened _him_.

"I'm glad you got her out of that crap. She's too smart and good for it."

"Yeah, I know. All I can ever think sometimes is what if we had never gone to Wallace's that night. Ya know? Things would be so much different. I don't know what I'd do without her."

That struck a nerve in me. A nerve I tried to bury and smother with constant instant-gratification sex and other activities to take up my time. My whole argument with Vanessa and how things just seemed to be eating at the back of my mind this week put a lot of things into perspective.

No matter what I tried to do to avoid my solidarity it was still there. At 31-years-old you would expect me to have fallen in love even once or at least come close to caring about someone but it never happened. Sometimes I would lie in bed and wonder if I missed my shot.

Vanessa and maybe one or two other girls I'd been with had actually been pretty decent. Had I brushed them off in my arrogance and missed my shot at love or happiness? _God, I hated thinking about this stuff_. It made me feel inadequate.

"Does she still talk to any of the girls?" I wondered.

"A few. Not many. They were all pretty jealous of her in the first place. Rosalie's gorgeous and built all on her own. She's a natural. Now that she's gone and things are going well for her they're eating themselves alive even more."

"I get ya. I'm glad for her. She doesn't need them bringing her down."

"Exactly."

It was true. Rosalie was a great girl. She was smart as a whip and could keep up with even _my_ sarcasm and cynicism. She was also devastatingly gorgeous. I'd never met someone as beautiful as Rose. She wasn't even my type and I could admit that I was slightly jealous of Emmett. He'd met a gorgeous, smart, loving girl.

They'd been together for three years now. Ever since they met at Wallace's club. That was the thing about Rosalie. She'd been an exotic dancer before Emmett got together with her.

She was paying for her schooling. And although I realized every dancer used that excuse it was true. She hated dancing but she loved engineering and after nearly losing her life after a brutal rape she was left with nothing. Dancing helped pay for school. Becoming a mechanical engineer was her dream and ticket out.

"So what classes is she taking this semester?"

"Hell if I know. She's always talking to me about them but it sounds like Chinese to me. She gets all nerdy on me," he chuckled.

I laughed too. I could attest to Rosalie's nerd-like behavior when it came to her mechanical engineering obsession. Emmett and I knew about cars and mechanics but fuck if I knew half the shit she spoke about. She lost me whenever she'd get into the mathematics and physics of it all.

"She was trying to show me some math problems she was working on the other night and my eyes nearly crossed for good. There were numbers and letters everywhere!" he bellowed.

I laughed loudly. I could see Emmett right now at their dining room table, ready to burst the vein in his forehead with his intense concentration. We were still laughing when Emmett's phone went off. _Must be Rosalie, I thought._

"You're shitting me!" he practically bounced in his seat.

I looked at him skeptically.

"Really? What else?"

Was I ever going to know what he was talking about _right in front me_!

"I'm sitting right next to him. Yeah, sure hold on. I'm putting you on speaker."

Emmett pressed a button on his phone and we both leaned forward. I gave him a questioning look.

"Lieutenant?"

"Valence?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah sir. Um, I thought you should know. I caught sight of Ms. Woods."

I leaned forward more closely. I was interested now.

"What does she look like?"

"God, Lieutenant. This chick is hot as fuck."

"Elaborate Valence. And don't use my name and fuck in the same breath ever again."

"Yes, sir."

Emmett chuckled next to me. _It was weird, alright!_

"Well, sir she's a brunette. I know how you like brunettes. She's got a nice ass but she's hiding it in these God awful loose jeans. They look like guy's jeans actually now that I think about it."

"The point Valence," I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. Well she's got a nice rack. She's got really nice lips for a bitchy journalist. They're like Angelina Jolie's."

I glanced at Emmett. He shrugged.

"Valence you better not be fucking with me. If I go up there and this chick looks like your mom I'll make you scrub the employee bathroom on this floor with a toothbrush…._Everyday of the week!_"

"Yes, sir. I promise sir. She's gorgeous."

"Alright, Valence. Anything else?"

"No not really. I mean she's got brown eyes and a nice smile though. I was with her on the elevator. She's in the Chief's office now. They're talking as if they're pals. It's actually kind of weird. He gave her a hug and was looking at her kind of funny," his voice got lower. "You don't think he's boning her, do you? I mean the Chief's like in his 50s."

I laughed out loud at that one. Isabella Woods _would_ end up with a 50-year-old balding guy with a beer belly. She would never do the typical thing. Then something important occurred to me.

"Wait, Valence. How old does she look?"

"I don't know. In her late 20s probably. Definitely not fresh out of college but it's clear she's young. She's probably around my age," I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Alright, Valence….I think we've got everything. Keep your mouth shut and get your ass down here."

"Yes, sir," he hung up.

I sat back in my chair and looked at Emmett. What the hell was I supposed to do with this information now?

"You know, I think it's pretty funny how he calls you sir," Emmett killed the silence.

I cracked a smile and shook my head.

"What are you gonna do? If she's hot then you're fucked. Once you see a hot girl all you can think with is your dick."

This was true.

"I don't know. Play it cool. Even if she's hot I'd have no interest in her. She seems like the type that lives for the chase and talks too much. I like to get in, get out and be done with it," I _almost_ cringed at how cavalier I sounded.

"You're an asshole, Edward."

"I know."

There was a slight melancholy in my voice that I only noticed. I was getting sick of being lonely and dissatisfied with life. I wanted that something more that made people like Emmett and my Mom get out of bed. I was too complacent to do anything about it though.

I titled my head back and stared at the ceiling. Valence had finally arrived and was talking to Emmett now. I closed my eyes and tried to picture this Isabella Woods. My mind was blank though. I could think of nothing, which was actually a nice change. I started to doze off from my restless night when I realized I should check what time it was.

I glanced at my watch and it said 8:57. _Shit!_ Charlie had said to be on time. I jumped out my chair and ran to the elevator. I pressed the button hastily. It'd still be faster than me running up the stairs. The stupid decrepit machine finally reached my floor and I jumped on.

I pressed the button for Charlie's floor and took the obnoxiously long ride up the elevator. I'd been lucky I hadn't been stopped by someone on another floor. I stepped off the elevator and it was 9:04.

I walked down the hall and brushed past Charlie's secretary. I didn't need to be escorted. I knew where the damn conference room was. It was huge as hell! I threw the door open and Charlie turned around. His arm was leaning on the table and behind him was who I assumed to be Isabella Woods.

"Nice of you to join us Lieutenant," Charlie spoke with authority.

"I'm sorry sir. I got caught up with McCarty and Valence."

"Take a seat," he gestured to the seat on his side.

I walked over and as I got closer to my seat I finally saw her.

She had a pale, clear complexion that suited her chocolate brown eyes and delicate eyebrows. She had thick lashes and high cheekbones that made her look mysterious and interesting. She had a cute nose and the fullest lips I'd ever seen. Valence wasn't exaggerating by a long-shot. Actually, it was an understatement. She had long dark brown hair that was pin-straight and side bangs.

I took my seat in a daze and stared at her. She had a smile playing on her lips.

"Lieutenant, this is Isabella Woods."

I put my hand out and was overwhelmed when her warm, tiny, hand encased itself in mine. I was in such a daze she had to be the one to pull away.

"It's nice to meet you, Lieutenant," she spoke in a sexy voice.

It was clear she wasn't trying to be sexy but shit this girl just oozed sex. I wanted to have her call me Lieutenant while I fucked her senseless.

"You can call me Edward," I allowed.

"Okay, well Edward I'm Isabella."

"Alright, well I've got paperwork to do so you two play nice," Charlie started to walk towards the door.

"I always do, Charlie," Isabella smiled deviously at him.

God, this chick was hot. She looked back at me and opened up a notebook.

"Do you mind if I record this interview?" she was scrambling through her bag.

"No."

She pulled a silver machine from her bag and placed it between us. She fumbled with the buttons a bit. While she toyed with the machine I looked at her outfit.

She was at the head of the conference table, on my right. Her legs were crossed but were heavily draped in jeans that could only be made for a guy. I noticed she was wearing worn Vans slip-ons and I smiled. All the girls I knew only ever wore heels. She was wearing a long sleeved simple white cotton top.

Valence was right; she _did_ have a nice rack. It looked even better strained against that tight white shirt. I looked at her face again and she was chewing on her bottom lip. Her eyebrows were pulled together. It was clear she was frustrated with the machine.

Isabella looked up and caught me staring. She blushed lightly.

"Sorry, I'm terrible with these things. I swear technology hates me," she smiled and looked back at the recorder. She had a nice smile.

"It's okay. I cleared my entire morning for you."

She looked back up at me.

"Well, isn't _that_ thoughtful."

I rolled my eyes and looked out the massive windows that lined the opposite end of the conference room. It was pouring like none other outside.

"Look, before we began I'd just like to make it clear that I'm doing this for Charlie. Interviewing you wasn't exactly my first choice," she spoke.

My head snapped to face her. What the fuck was she talking about? She'd been perfectly polite ten seconds ago. Her tone wasn't rude but it wasn't exactly the best manners either.

"Doing an interview with you isn't exactly my desired Tuesday morning either sweetie so you can shove your interview. I'm only here because it's an order. The last thing I want is to be featured in your crap ass newspaper," I spat.

No one spoke to me like that.

"Well, an interview with a thickheaded S.W.A.T. officer is the last thing I want in my column too so I guess we can agree on something. And don't _ever_ call me sweetie," she retorted.

"I'll call you any damn thing I want. Now are you gonna ask me some questions or not? I've got shit to do."

"Yeah, like pretend Danny Fiori and Peter Herman aren't in cahoots," I heard her mutter.

"What?" I hissed.

"You heard me."

"You think you know _everything!_ You don't know shit."

"Oh really? And what exactly has your unit done to bring both of them down?"

"It's not up to my unit. We go in, get the evidence we're told to retrieve, and get the fuckers in jail cells. It's not my fault that thanks to you meddling reporters those mobsters are getting better at hiding the _real_ evidence. You think Danny Fiori doesn't sip his coffee—while he's in bed with whatever broad he boned the night before—and read your column on Sunday mornings? News flash _Isabella_ you set yourself up to be disappointed that they're never caught."

"You're full of crap! You think I don't know the other part of your title? Lieutenant-_Detective_ Masen. You're incapable of catching a criminal, admit it."

"No."

"It's true!"

"No it's not."

"Yes it is. I bet you stroll around here with your stupid badge and special S.W.A.T. polo thinking you're some god when the truth is you're not shit! Your unit hasn't made any major busts in the Fiori case in the two and half years you've been heading the operation. Charlie thought you'd be able to do it but he's dead ass wrong."

"How would you know about Charlie? What? 'Cause you guys are chummy after a few interviews? You have no idea about the Seattle PD so I suggest you shut your mouth or put it to better use."

And then she slapped me. She stood up, leaned over, and slapped me across the face. My cheek stung from the contact. When I looked back at her my glare was murderous. _No one_ had ever slapped me.

"You better pray I don't go over to Charlie's office right now and tell him what you just said to me. And you better beg on your knees tonight before you go to sleep that I don't tell my boyfriend," she said in an icy cold voice.

"Fuck your boyfriend. I'd like to see him come and _try_ to hurt me. Besides I bet you're standing here right now thinking that I feel sorry for what I said or that I want to take it back. No way. I meant every word I said."

"I hope your apartment has nice security," her jaw was set in a firm lock.

She picked up her unused notebook and turned off the recorder. She threw them into her bag and then brushed past me. As much as I hated this girl I couldn't help but notice the natural sway to her hips. She was still sexy even if she was a raging bitch. She opened the door but paused for a second. She looked over her shoulder.

"It was nice knowing you Lieutenant," she smirked and walked out.

I laughed. I couldn't actually believe she thought her boyfriend would do shit to me. I could have been a fucking assassin in another life. If I ever got off my ass and actually applied for the FBI or CIA I'd be a shoe-in for their department. Didn't this girl realize there was a reason why I was 31 and the head of our police department's S.W.A.T. team?

Usually you had to be around Charlie's age or a little younger to get positions like mine. It wasn't an exaggeration when people said I was _that_ good. I was. Suddenly, Charlie appeared in the door and his face was slightly purple. _Shit, I forgot about him._

"Would you care to explain why Ms. Woods rushed out of here Lieutenant?"

"Not really."

He just looked at me. Honestly, it was bad timing for me to be a smartass. I sighed.

"She was being her typical self and I snapped. We started arguing and then one thing led to another and apparently she couldn't handle it. She was dishing it out just as hard as she was receiving but she got all girly on me and got pissed."

"I'm not going to ask what you said because she said for your sake I shouldn't but make no mistake I'm not pleased Lieutenant. You'll be doing another interview with her until you get it right."

"What?" I practically jumped out of my chair like a little kid getting grounded.

"Thursday morning. Same time," he walked out.

I threw my head back in the chair. This shit could not be happening. I groaned when my phone went off. I could tell from the ringtone it was Vanessa.

"What is it?"

"I'm downstairs. Come meet me," she hung up.

God, she didn't even give me time to decline the offer. I heaved myself from the chair and took the elevator downstairs. I wasn't looking forward to this. I stepped off and I could see her sitting on a bench.

She was sitting on her hands and staring at the floor. I actually felt sort of bad for a moment. Vanessa was making herself really vulnerable and I was doing nothing to give her some sort of relief.

"Hey."

She glanced up at me and smiled. She stood up and pressed her lips to mine. My hands instinctively wrapped around her waist. I pulled back and sat down next to her.

"So," I began.

"So," she continued.

"I _did_ think about what you said. I can't do ultimatums and promises right now but…" I sighed.

"I'm willing to give it a _try_," I emphasized 'try.'

She all but jumped on my lap and gave me a huge kiss. I would have laughed if I wasn't so mentally drained and pissed. When she pulled back her eyes were alight with excitement.

"Oh, Edward! You don't know how happy you've made me. I hate that I'm leaving now but I'll be back at your place in a week. I promise."

"Okay."

She sighed.

"I should go. I have to be at the airport in an hour but I have a lot of stuff to check in. I promise when I get back things will be great," she beamed.

I smiled a weak smile and she kissed me once more. I walked her outside and said goodbye. The rain had finally let up. I didn't want to deal with Vanessa right now. Actually, I didn't want to deal with anyone. She got into her car and I heard a bike being revved.

I looked up and found the source. It was a nice looking BMW bike. I saw a girl in motorcycle jacket and a helmet climb on with a huge looking guy. The bike was hot but the way the girl swung her legs over and planted herself was even hotter.

I shook my head to dispel the thoughts I was having with Vanessa no more than four feet away from me. I leaned down and gave her one last kiss. When she finally disappeared I retreated to my office and locked myself away. I shut my blinds and monitored my calls. God, Tuesday's sucked.

* * *

This is my version of a Bella and Edward first sight. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Next chapter is the same but in Bella's POV. Her boyfriend is Jacob. I'll just tell you that now. Oh and I have a poll question to propose.

With Bella and Edward being in relationships the issue of whether or not I'll write smut before B/E get together has occured to me. The cons for some people would be lemons with Jacob but the pros would be getting to see some sexy, officer Edward. I've decided Vanessa has an obsession with handcuffs so if you guys vote yeah then you'll get to see some of that, lol. Either way go vote yay or nay on my profile. Thanks ;) Reviews, please?


	3. Author's Note

There used to be an author's note here, but there's not anymore.

Just keep it moving...

Hope you're enjoying the story.

-Twilighter620


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, here's last chapter in Bella's POV. It starts off before she gets to meet Edward though so there's a lot of inner-monologue in the beginning. Bella's character is different from the series. She's a lot more self-assured, headstrong, confident etc. Think more vampire Bella than human Bella.

This chapter's song is "Bad Reputation" by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

_I don't own Twilight._

* * *

To say I was less than thrilled about interviewing this Lieutenant-Detective Edward Masen was a gross understatement.

He was just going to be another selfish, self-absorbed member of the Seattle Police Department. All the men, except for one, in the department were just assholes looking to stay ahead of the game. If it meant participating in illegal activities, stabbing each other in the back, and living as if they were above the law then that's what they did.

I was hoping that with Charlie being the new Chief things would start to change in Seattle for the better but I wasn't going to be naïve. It was going to take more than Charlie being a good-hearted cop who really believed in justice and the law to change the SPD and the city.

I knew he wasn't particularly pleased with the articles I wrote but the truth needed to be told for the sake of justice. He raised me to live by that philosophy and he wasn't going to tell me otherwise just so he could be cushy in his new corner office.

This news about the S.W.A.T. team getting funded really made my blood boil. I couldn't believe they had the nerve to call it the "reallocation of city government funds to better a unit of the Seattle Police Department." That was the biggest crock of shit I'd ever heard in my life.

It was just another example of politicians in our area thinking they could buy off the men and women who were entrusted to take care of this city. And the jerk whose unit was getting funded probably just felt even more like he was entitled because of the funding. That was the thing with all those officers. They felt _entitled_. As if they deserved the money just because they wore a badge and "protected the city."

I groaned and got out of bed. I slipped my wife beater from last night back on and made my way into our bathroom. I methodically took a shower, brushed my teeth, cleaned my face etc. I had no idea how I let Charlie weasel me into this interview.

I really didn't want this jerk to be featured in my column but I had promised Charlie. If he promised to be unbiased about my articles and gave me quotes whenever I needed them then I could force myself to do one measly article. Right?

I opened the bathroom door and Jacob was still passed out on the bed. He was sleeping on his stomach. I smiled at his sleeping form. He was so quiet and calm when he slept. So much different from when he was awake. I could see the contours of his back very clearly from where I stood. The sheet was draped very low on his torso.

I walked over to him and placed a kiss on his shoulder blade. He sighed but made no sign of waking. I shook my head and walked over to my closet. That man could sleep through World War III. I picked out a plain, long sleeved white top and one of my favorite pairs of jeans. They were Jacob's old jeans from junior high school.

For some unknown reason Billy still had them in his basement and when Jake and I had found them they ended up becoming mine. They were a little long at first but thankfully I knew how to sew and I hemmed them just for my height. They were really comfortable and—although I would never tell Jacob this—the jeans kind of made me feel like they marked me as his own. I slipped on my long worn Vans and left the room.

Jacob was still lightly snoring.

I walked downstairs into the kitchen and made some coffee. Today would be a long day and thanks to Jacob I hadn't slept much. Not that I minded what we had been doing but it always made me a wreck the next morning.

The coffee was done after a few minutes. I drank it black. A bad habit I'd picked up from Charlie. Jacob always complained but I never changed my routine. I was a creature of habit in a lot of ways. I grabbed the newspapers from the porch and sat down at the kitchen table. It was small but enough for me and Jacob.

The headlines were all the same…death, violence, murder, corruption, sex, scandal. _God, couldn't they come up with anything creative in this city? _Granted, my column had to do with the crap they plastered across the front page but the difference was that I wrote about it to inspire change. The headlines might have been writing about the same news but _I _didn't leave out all the gory details and truth.

It didn't bother me that a good portion of the city's "most respected" people hated me. I slept fine at night. I couldn't say the same for them.

My editor was wary at first about giving me the column but it turned out to be a great thing for our paper. Sales went up dramatically when people started to take notice of my column. Sure, I received hate mail and threats but that was the good thing about being the Chief's daughter—I was unknowingly well protected—besides Jacob loved driving me everywhere.

There were very few times I was without him, only when I was working or had things to do on my own. We'd been officially dating for a little over two years now. It wasn't uncommon for us to spend the majority of our time together.

He had an apartment near his job but he only stayed there when we fought or if we were tired from hanging out and his apartment was closer. Jacob had his own key to my house and clothes here so it's not like we very often bothered with his apartment.

I looked at the clock on the microwave and it was 7:03. I still had plenty of time. With the way Jacob rode his bike we'd make it into the city in no time. I lived in a more residential part of Seattle. Just because I wrote about crime didn't mean I had any inclination to live so closely to it.

I was reading the sports section of the Seattle Sun Times when I felt two strong arms wrap around my neck. Jake leaned down and pressed his lips to my right cheek. I instinctively smiled and shivered. He was so warm. I turned around and looked at him.

His cropped hair was a little damp from his shower and he was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. In typical Jacob fashion the t-shirt was tight and outlined every muscle of his body and the jeans were slung low, revealing his Spiderman boxers. At twenty-eight years old, Jacob was still very much a little boy obsessed with comic book heroes. It didn't matter to me. We could be comic book nerds together.

"What's on the agenda for today? I cleared my morning since I know you're heading to Charlie's," he poured himself a bowl of cereal.

"I have to be at Charlie's before nine for this interview. I was actually hoping to get there around 8:30-ish so I could talk to him. I haven't seen the Chief for a couple of days."

"You spoke to him yesterday," he scoffed.

"I know but still."

He chuckled and sat down next to me. Jacob always loved how close Charlie and I were. We were both headstrong and opinionated but at the same time we both really cared about each other. I was the only thing he had. Charlie wasn't like me.

After he and Renee's relationship had crashed and burned I was the only family member he had. His parents had died years back and he never had brothers or sisters. At least I had Jacob, Billy, our friends, Grandma Marie, Renee, Phil. I was lucky to have so many people that mattered to me.

"Okay, well we should probably leave around eight. I'll be in the area until you're done. Just call me and I'll come get you," he leaned forward and gave me a sweet kiss.

"What will you do while I'm working?"

"I don't know. Go to a music store."

"It's too early for any music stores to be open."

"Well, then I'll go Starbucks and read a book. I don't know Bells!"

"I just don't want to put you out," I admitted.

"You're not putting me out. I'm _offering_ to take you," he clarified.

"Well, you better bring a jacket. It's overcast."

"Babe, when do I ever ride my bike without my jacket? You know it's dangerous to ride and not be protected."

I sighed. Jacob was right. He never rode his bike without his motorcycle jacket.

"Honestly, I don't even know why you have the thing. It's Seattle! It rains virtually every day. It's really impractical."

"Because I feel the need," he waited.

"The need for speed," I groaned. "I know. I know."

He laughed and kissed my temple.

"So what are we doing tonight?" he wondered.

"I've got to work on my article."

"Oh, okay, I guess I'll go practice with the guys tonight," he sounded defeated.

"I'm sorry," I kissed him.

"Rachel called for you yesterday by the way. I was going to tell you last night but I, uh, got a little distracted," there was a slight redness to his cheeks.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing much. She's got a break from school so she's visiting Paul," he grimaced.

"Oh, Jake! I don't know why you let that bother you so much. He's a good friend to you and your sister is happy."

"It's just hard knowing that he took my sister's V-card, alright?" he muttered.

"You don't know that," I tried to console him.

He gave me a look. Okay, so maybe that was not exactly on target because Paul was pretty much a nymphomaniac but still. Jacob sighed.

"We'd better get going. Go grab your jacket from upstairs," he stood up.

I jogged upstairs and grabbed my jacket and bag. One quick glance in the mirror told me I looked okay. I wore minimal make-up. It was mostly eyeliner and Chap Stick on an average day. My outfit was plain but very casual. I didn't see the need to dress up for this mystery guy. I could care less and had a man waiting for me downstairs.

I ran downstairs and met Jacob at the front door. He was holding two helmets—his and mine. I grabbed my helmet and walked out. He locked the door for me and I waited until he climbed onto his bike. I climbed on behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist once my helmet was on. Charlie wasn't exactly thrilled at first when he knew Jake drove around on a bike but he really couldn't say anything. I was old.

We drove into the city and made it to the police department plaza quickly. The building was an enormously huge skyscraper that housed the most important divisions of the Seattle Police Department and even the lower ones. It was a known-fact there were holding cells in the building as well but I'd never been down there. Charlie wouldn't let me.

Jacob parked his bike next to the curb and I hopped off. I took off my helmet and waited for him. He took his off and grabbed mine. He put my helmet in his trunk and locked the bike. It was a really nice bike. It was a BMW. It had charcoal, blue, and black coloring on it. Even the rims had blue on them.

He grabbed my hand and walked me to the revolving doors. I stopped and he waited with me. He knew what I was waiting for.

"You are so predictable Bella Swan," he chuckled.

"Shh, don't say that too loud. Someone could hear you," I scolded.

"Oh, excuse me _Ms. Woods_," he smiled seductively.

I grinned and leaned forward. I pressed my lips against his. My mouth parted against his and he continued the fluid movements. We kissed for a while. No tongue or anything but just enough to make me hate having to go to this interview even more. When I pulled back I pouted and he laughed at me.

"Bella, I'll be back in a couple hours. Go talk to Charlie," he smacked my butt.

I walked away and frowned over my shoulder. I really didn't want to do this. I entered the building and made my way to the front desk. I'd been here only a few times and Charlie hadn't been Chief when I visited him. She gave me a funny look and said my name rather loudly when I gave her my information. Once I was done with the secretary I walked over to the elevators.

I noticed quite a few officers staring at me. They all seemed to glaring or ogling. Some officers did both. I sighed. I knew why they didn't like me but it's not like I really cared. I knew my reputation but it hardly mattered to me.

I could only imagine the looks on their faces if they were to ever find out it was the Chief's only daughter that was writing the articles they hated so much. I stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor. I slung my press pass around my neck and waited.

Charlie's office was on the 62nd floor so I knew it'd be a while. People had gotten on and off during the course of the elevator ride. On the 32nd floor an officer stepped on. I'd been kind of annoyed. I was hoping I'd get to ride the rest of the trip alone.

He was a tan-skinned guy who looked to be around my age. He had a buzz cut like most of the officers and frameless glasses. I glanced at his nametag as he passed by me. His name was Officer Valence. I looked at his t-shirt and it was an official SPD S.W.A.T. shirt. _Figures!_

I laughed a little but shut up quickly when I realized he might hear me. He looked at me and I smiled. He was an attractive guy, a little short for my preferences but not deplorable. I mean I was dating Jacob. He was 6 foot freaking 7. Our trip was silent and a little awkward. I could tell he was trying not to look at me but he was obviously curious about me.

I decided to break the silence.

"So, you're a S.W.A.T. officer, huh?" I spoke conversationally

"Yes, ma'am."

I giggled. He really _was_ in officer-mode. No one had ever called me ma'am.

"I'm sorry. I tend to start calling people sir and ma'am when I'm at work. My mom always complains about it," he said bashfully.

"It's okay. I'm Isabella Woods," I left my hand out.

His eyes bugged out of his head a little. I had to stifle a laugh at that one.

"I'm Officer Jay Valence— S.W.A.T. You can call me Jay," he surprisingly shook my hand.

"Jay," I mused.

The elevator suddenly dinged and I glanced at the panel. We'd finally reached Charlie's floor. The doors opened and I stepped forward. I turned over my shoulder and smiled at the officer.

"It was nice meeting you," I tried to be charming.

"Y-you too," he stuttered and walked in the opposite direction of me.

I saw him take out a cell phone from his pocket and press a button. I shook my head and went to Charlie's secretary. He'd been expecting me. She sent me to his door and I knocked. I could hear his voice on the other side of the door. He was obviously speaking to someone.

"Come in," he shouted.

I opened the door and waited in the doorframe. Charlie glanced at me and grinned widely.

"I'm gonna have to call you back Rich," he hung up the phone.

"Bells! You look great," he came over to me and grabbed me in a hug.

"Hey, _Charlie_," I said and then closed the door.

His eyes darted to the door and he sighed.

"I'm sorry. I was just so excited to see you. I promise not to call you Bells anymore while you're here in public. Or Bella for that matter," he smiled.

He sat on the front of his desk while I sat in the chair in front of him. I took off my press pass and slung it back into my bag. I didn't need it anymore that I was with Charlie.

"So, how's Jacob?"

"He's fine. He's hanging around town until I'm done," I responded.

"That's nice of him. How's work?"

"Work is fine. Work has got me here with you right now," I smirked.

"Thanks for doing this sweetie. I promise you won't regret it. Lieutenant Masen is a good guy. He's got a real way with people. That's part of the reason why he heads the unit. He's only 31 but he's damn good at what his does. There aren't too many people who are as natural born leaders as him."

"You don't have to sell me the product, Dad," I laughed.

"I'm being serious, Bella. I know you're worried about the funding and what it will mean for the department but you're not being entirely fair to him. He's tried and tried with Fiori but the evidence just isn't sticking."

"I thought he was detective," I questioned.

"He is but the evidence isn't his responsibility. Masen's most important job is making sure the operation goes through and that no one is hurt in the process."

I pursed my lips. I wasn't going to argue with Charlie.

"How about we head on over to the conference room and chat?" he offered.

"Okay."

We walked down the hall to the conference room. I sat down while Charlie stood. He told me he was sick of sitting. I laughed at him and he ruffled my hair. We spoke for a long while. I mostly wanted to check on Charlie and see he was doing well. He lived alone and I wanted to make sure he was taking care of himself.

"Man, Bells you should have heard me yesterday. I kept slipping in front of Masen. Actually, I'm surprised he didn't say anything. I almost called you Ms. Swan, Bella, _and_ almost referred to you as my daughter," he chuckled.

"Daaaaaaad! You're going to ruin everything," I grumbled.

"I'm sorry! I'm trying really hard. It's just that you and I never really do anything work-related in public. All our 'interviews' are always over the phone and I can call you anything I want. I've got to train myself to get used to the idea."

"Oh, c'mon, Dad. Don't you think Woods has a nice ring to it?" I laughed.

"Hardly. You'll always be my one and only baby girl Isabella Marie _Swan_."

I heard a door swing open and Charlie turned around. I was sitting down and his arm was in the way so I couldn't see who it was. Charlie glanced at his watch and smirked.

"Nice of you to join us Lieutenant," Charlie spoke with authority.

"I'm sorry sir. I got caught up with McCarty and Valence," the mystery guy had a silky voice.

_Hey, I know Valence!_

"Take a seat," he gestured to the seat on his side.

The mystery man walked forward and I could see him now. He was still walking towards his seat.

He had dark brown hair that had hints of red in it. It was an unusual shade that was really curious. His hair was messy and unruly but for some reason it seemed to work for him. His face was pale and extremely defined. The sharp angles to his cheekbones, nose, and jaw line were so interesting and masculine.

His skin looked really smooth and didn't have any hint of facial hair. He had nice lips for a guy and the most alluring shade of green eyes I'd ever seen. His chest seemed well defined in the snug S.W.A.T. polo he was wearing.

His biceps were thick and I could see the veins in his forearms. A smile played on my lips. This guy was hot. There was no denying the fact. And with the way he was starting at me I could tell he was appreciating the view.

"Lieutenant, this is Isabella Woods."

I smiled a little at my fake name. He put his hand out and I placed my hand in his. It was awfully tiny in comparison to his huge manly hands. He seemed to be in a daze of sorts. I had to pull my hand away to get it back.

"It's nice to meet you, Lieutenant," I spoke first.

His Adam's apple bobbed a little as if he'd been swallowing. His lips parted and he stared for a moment. He seemed to be thinking about something. Seeing him think like that made him really attractive.

"You can call me Edward," he allowed.

I knew his name already but I didn't want to be rude…yet. It was actually sort of strange that his name was Edward. I hadn't met any Edward's in a while.

"Okay, well Edward I'm Isabella."

I wanted to cringe at my name. I actually hated being called Isabella but it wouldn't take long for someone to put two-and-two together if I referred to myself as Bella and Charlie spoke about his daughter using the same name.

"Alright, well I've got paperwork to do so you two play nice," Charlie started to walk towards the door.

"I always do, Charlie," I smiled deviously at him.

Playing nice was _not_ one of my specialties. I looked back at Edward and opened up my notebook.

"Do you mind if I record this interview?" I was scrambling through my bag for my tape recorder.

"No."

I pulled out the tiny silver machine from my bag and placed it between us. I fumbled with the buttons a bit. I was trying to figure out how to start off from where I had ended without accidentally cutting off the end of my last interview. I hated the damn thing but writing down all my notes wasn't exactly a good resource, especially when I was looking for direct quotes.

I toyed with the stupid machine for a while. I had a feeling Edward was staring at me but I ignored it. I chewed on my bottom lip out of habit and frustration. I could taste my cherry Chap Stick. I looked up and I caught him staring. I blushed a little and tried to ease the awkwardness.

"Sorry, I'm terrible with these things. I swear technology hates me," I smiled and looked back at the recorder.

"It's okay. I cleared my entire morning for you."

I looked back up at him. I hadn't expected him to do that.

"Well, isn't _that_ thoughtful."

He rolled his eyes and looked out the massive windows that lined the opposite end of the conference room. It was raining heavily outside. I hoped for a moment that Jacob was warm inside of a Starbucks.

"Look, before we began I'd just like to make it clear that I'm doing this for Charlie. Interviewing you wasn't exactly my first choice," I spoke.

There was no need with the pretenses. I'd be honest about my intentions and stance from the beginning. His head snapped to me. He seemed incredulous.

"Doing an interview with you isn't exactly my desired Tuesday morning either sweetie so you can shove your interview. I'm only here because it's an order. The last thing I want is to be featured in your crap ass newspaper," he spat.

_Ugh!_ Who did he think he was? He's lucky I came all the way down here for Charlie. Charlie was the _only_ reason why I was sitting with this Neanderthal.

And sweetie? Was he kidding me? Charlie was my dad and he threatened to stop giving me interviews if I didn't come.

"Well, an interview with a thickheaded S.W.A.T. officer is the last thing I want in my column too so I guess we can agree on something. And don't _ever_ call me sweetie," I retorted.

"I'll call you any damn thing I want. Now are you gonna ask me some questions or not? I've got shit to do."

"Yeah, like pretend Danny Fiori and Peter Herman aren't in cahoots," I muttered.

"What?" he hissed.

"You heard me."

"You think you know _everything!_ You don't know shit."

God, this guy really had an awful mouth. Granted, I didn't have the best manners when it came to vulgarity either but gosh!

"Oh really? And what exactly has your unit done to bring both of them down?"

"It's not up to my unit. We go in, get the evidence we're told to retrieve, and get the fuckers in jail cells. It's not my fault that thanks to you meddling reporters those mobsters are getting better at hiding the _real_ evidence. You think Danny Fiori doesn't sip his coffee—while he's in bed with whatever broad he boned the night before—and read your column on Sunday mornings? News flash _Isabella_ you set yourself up to be disappointed that they're never caught."

I wanted to punch him for calling me 'Isabella' like that. As if it was some sort of curse. And seriously he uses the word broad? _What a caveman!_

"You're full of crap! You think I don't know the other part of your title? Lieutenant-_Detective_ Masen. You're incapable of catching a criminal, admit it."

"No."

Oh he was stubborn, was he? Well stubbornness was _my_ tragic flaw. He'd be getting a lesson.

"It's true!"

"No it's not."

"Yes it is. I bet you stroll around here with your stupid badge and special S.W.A.T. polo thinking you're some god when the truth is you're not shit. Your unit hasn't made any major busts in the Fiori case in the two and half years you've been heading the operation. Charlie thought you'd be able to do it but he's dead ass wrong."

"How would you know about Charlie? What? 'Cause you guys are chummy after a few interviews? You have no idea about the Seattle PD so I suggest you shut your mouth or put it to better use."

_That asshole!_

That was the crudest thing a man had ever said to me. So I stood up and slapped that gorgeous face of his. This Lieutenant was the vilest creature I'd met in all my 27 years of life.

I was an investigative reporter. I'd met some real winners in my life but this jerk took the prize.

He looked back at me and glared intensely. He probably didn't get schooled by women. The look in his eyes should have scared me with its ferocity but I couldn't be anything but livid myself. And that thing about Charlie. _Ugh, he made my blood boil!_

"You better pray I don't go over to Charlie's office right now and tell him what you just said to me. And you better beg on your knees tonight before you go to sleep that I don't tell my boyfriend," I said in an icy cold voice.

"Fuck your boyfriend. I'd like to see him come and _try_ to hurt me. Besides I bet you're standing here right now thinking that I feel sorry for what I said or that I want to take it back. No way. I meant every word I said."

"I hope your apartment has nice security," my jaw was set in a firm lock.

I wanted to scream but I wouldn't. So I picked up my unused notebook and turned off the recorder. I threw them into my bag and then brushed past him. I opened the door but paused for a second. I looked over my shoulder.

"It was nice knowing you Lieutenant," I smirked and walked out.

I walked over to Charlie's office and swung the door open.

"What happened? That was awfully quick," he looked at me confusedly.

I slammed the door shut and sat down.

"Your Lieutenant is an _ass_," I didn't mind cursing this time. Charlie wouldn't say anything.

"What happened?"

"He said something really crude and demeaning. I won't tell you what he said because you'll kill him but just know he's a jerk. The interview's over. I give up."

"What did he say, Bella?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Honestly, Dad for his sake don't bother."

He sighed heavily and had a scowl on his face. Charlie was pissed.

"Well, I'm going to head out. This interview was a waste. I'll just have to attend your press conferences and relinquish the personal interviews," I sighed.

I was hoping he'd fall for my reverse psychology and give me my quotes still. I hated press conferences.

"Nuh-uh, Bella. I know what you're trying to pull. Thursday morning, same time. You better be here. He'll be here and he'll be more behaved."

"But Dad!" I whined.

"No, Bella. I'm sure what he said was rude but I'm also sure you didn't just sit there and not engage him. This interview is lesson for you as well. Now I'm leaving to go catch him before he disappears to his office. Thursday morning, Isabella," his voice got stern.

Charlie stood up and retreated from his office. I groaned and caught the elevator. I called Jacob when I made it downstairs and hung out in the lobby. The rain was letting up but I didn't want to go outside. It seemed humid. Jacob was about 10 minutes away so I stood by the lobby doors and tried to seem inconspicuous.

All the officers didn't like me and I didn't need to get harassed after being verbally abused too. I folded my arms around my chest and leaned against a wall. I watched the people in the lobby and stared.

I noticed one girl who was very conspicuous. She was on a phone. It was a short conversation. She hung up quickly and sat on her hands. She seemed nervous about something.She was extremely pretty. I had no idea what she was doing here. I figured she was a relative or girlfriend or wife or something—no one that pretty just hung out in police stations.

She was sitting down but I could tell by how long her legs were that was she tall. She was nicely tanned for someone living in Seattle and had long dark brown hair that was almost black. It was slung back into a simple ponytail. Her eyes looked to be blue from where I was standing which was an interesting contrast to her dark hair.

While I was watching her I noticed someone getting closer to her. When I zeroed in on exactly who it was I almost gasped. It was Edward! She looked up and smiled her bright white teeth at him. She stood up and pressed her lips to his.

_Ugh, that pretty girl was dating _him_?_ His hands snaked around her waist and he pulled her closer to him. I was completely shocked when I realized how much that bothered me. Why should I care that he was kissing some model-looking girl? That could be his wife for all I knew.

I found myself walking out the building before I could see anything more. My throat started to feel constricted with the overwhelming emotions I was feeling. I had wanted to castrate this guy 15 minutes earlier. Why was I acting like this? I assumed it was because I was attracted to him but it still didn't explain why the emotions were so deep.

I waited for Jake to come and finally he did. I ran over to him and grabbed my helmet. I put my jacket on. Jacob revved the engine once and I smiled. I swung my leg over and planted myself on the bike. I latched onto him for dear life and he sped down the street. I needed to get away from this building.

* * *

I hope you all enjoyed getting to see Bella. I hope it kind of helped to explain her side to the argument with Edward better and her relationship with Charlie. I don't want people to think she uses Charlie for her job. He gladly does the interviews for her but Charlie also expects something in return at times.

As per the author's note if you're disappointed by the no smut thing I recommend my other story _A New Sensation_. It has plenty of Bella and Edward action in it. I feel bad plugging my other stories but I couldn't resist ;)

Oh and let me know if you listened to John Mayer.


	5. Chapter 5

Overall response to last chapter, especially with it being Bella's POV was positive. Thanks for being supportive and just trusting me to get you to where the one-shot leads. A lot of people didn't like Bella much but she's got just as much changing to do as Edward. She needs a dose of reality. This chapter is sort of the catalyst and beginning of Edward's recognition of his more than platonic feelings towads Bella.

Song for this chapter: Na Na Na Na Naah by Kaiser Chiefs. You don't even have to listen to the song but the lyrics are really great ;)

_I don't own Twilight, this disclaimer is a pathetic reminder each time ;)_

* * *

**Edward POV**

Wednesday night I found myself at a local bar with Emmett and Rosalie. Rosalie had gotten an A on her first paper and Emmett was treating her to night of drinks.

In any other relationship the gesture might seem not as romantic or thoughtful but in their relationship it was the equivalent to taking Rosalie out for a nice dinner at an expensive French restaurant. I'd done the expensive French restaurant thing before and let me just say it was hardly worth it. A night of drinks at a less than charming sports bar would have given me the same results.

Regardless, I was sitting there with Emmett and Rosalie, nursing a beer, and still thinking about Isabella.

"Masen, will you just get over her already?" Rosalie sounded annoyed.

I glanced up from the wood table I had been staring at. Rosalie's perfectly shaped eyebrows were inched together in frustration. Her trademark wrinkle was sitting between them.

"I wasn't thinking about her," I lied.

"And Emmett has a small dick," she retorted.

I wanted to cringe at the information she had just shared in a roundabout way but I couldn't help but chuckle.

I looked back at the age ring in the wood and traced the imperfect circle. My fingers strained against the thick coating of wood finish. It wasn't very easy to trace the wood—that I'm sure would have been smooth under my touch if it weren't for the finish.

I sighed and took another sip of beer. I never drank this slow but for some reason I couldn't enjoy the bubbly, thick, beverage.

"Ugh, I'm gonna go grab another Margarita," Rosalie groaned and assumedly strolled off.

"Edward," Emmett spoke.

I looked up at him. I'm sure I looked pathetic, confused, frustrated, incredulous, pensive, and a whole range of other emotions. I'd been all five in a matter of nearly 48 hours. I wasn't sure what to make of what happened yesterday morning.

I knew she sure as hell deserved my rudeness but a twisted part of me felt guilty for it. The absolute look of shock on her face when I made a comment about her mouth stuck with me. I wanted to forget it but I couldn't.

The way her big brown doe eyes widened and how her mouth fell into a tantalizing yet endearing 'O' was only there for the briefest of instances but it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. _God, Edward you sound like a chick. Get over it!_

It was thoughts like that that confused me and frustrated me to no end. I'd never been so confused by a girl. I knew women better than they knew themselves. The fact she took me by surprise, and never did what I expected her to, threw me for a loop.

"What's up with you, man? You haven't been yourself for the last day and a half. You won't even tell me what happened."

"Look, I'm not really in the mood to talk about it," was my auto-pilot response.

"Bullshit, Edward. You've been giving me the same weak line for over a day. Just tell me what happened. I mean it can't be _that_ awful."

"It's not about what happened," I whispered.

"What are you talking about?" Emmett leaned closer.

I looked up and finally surrendered into the dark brown eyes of my best friend.

"I have to see her again…tomorrow."

"WHAT? Why?" he nearly shouted.

"I kind of messed it up with her. We started arguing and I told her something kind of rude. She flipped her lid and told Charlie. He's making me redo the interview tomorrow."

"What did you say to her?"

"I told her to shut her mouth or put it to better use," I wanted to cringe but controlled the response.

I was Edward Masen. I said things like that to women on a regular basis. Who was this chick to make me regret saying that? I hadn't even felt bad about it at first. It wasn't until hours later—that I lie in bed alone and stewed over everything that had happened—when I felt the remorse.

For a fleeting (and I mean fleeting) moment I had an errant desire that her boyfriend _would_ come and kill me. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me.

"Shit, Edward. That's pretty bad. What did she do?" he wondered.

"She slapped me," I spoke in a tone that was dripping with disbelief.

I still couldn't believe she had slapped me. It took a lot of balls to do that and she'd done it without even thinking about it. That little look of shock I'd been remembering for the last day and a half had happened only a split second before she slapped me.

I wondered if that look on her face was the key to my astonishment and utter confusion. Maybe it was because for a split second I saw her vulnerability and recognized myself in it. Isabella put up a tough exterior but her façade had been exposed for that miniscule amount of time. Maybe she saw through me as well.

I couldn't be sure.

Emmett guffawed and slapped a hand down on the table. He tossed his head back in laughter as Rosalie sauntered back to the table. She met my gaze and narrowed her eyes in my direction.

Any other night I would have egged her on and continued sulking or being bad company just to piss her off but I was impeding on her night of celebration. I smiled a weak smile and ducked my head. It was a physical request for forgiveness.

She sat down across from me and next to Emmett in our booth and gave me a look that showed she accepted my apology. Rosalie looked at Emmett with an un-amused expression.

"Oh, Rosie you missed it!" he choked out between laughs.

I sighed.

"Edward just told me that that Isabella Woods girl slapped him!" he carried on.

Rosalie cracked a smile and looked at me expectantly. I shrugged and she began laughing as well.

"_Edward Masen_ got slapped by a bitchy journalist?" she chuckled.

I groaned and slammed my head down on the table. I'm sure it would result in a splitting headache later but right now I could care less. I put my arms over my head and closed my eyes.

I wanted to make this go away.

I wanted to not care about that stupid look on her face or the fact I'd broken through her façade.

I wanted to forget I'd ever met her.

I wanted to continue to be myself.

I wanted to be unaffected by her.

"Well, I'm so glad I could provide entertainment for tonight but I should go. I've got to get some rest if I'm gonna deal with this girl again," I threw a twenty dollar bill on the table and started to scoot out the booth.

"Oh, Edward we were just messing with you," Rosalie grabbed my wrist.

"Nah, it's not you guys. I really just need to get home. Thanks for inviting me out and congratulations," I kissed her cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow man," Emmett nodded.

"Yeah, sure."

I walked out the bar but not without a vast amount of sex stares and come-ons. I wanted to throw up. These women were wholly uninteresting and unattractive. Even for a total manwhore I at least had standards. Most of these "prospects" were middle-aged divorcees just looking to get a quick fix to make them feel less insecure.

I walked over to my Volvo and unlocked the car. I slipped into the driver's seat and sat down. I sat there, in the dark and uncharacteristic silence, and just stared at the back of the Honda Accord I was parked behind. I was staring at nothing but somehow it kept my attention. I wasn't sure how longI sat there but I shook my head and put my key in the ignition.

I drove out of the city and made my way towards the suburbs. I didn't live exactly in the city but it wasn't the residential area either. It was the middle ground—right between the city and the suburbs.

I parked my car and jogged upstairs. I unlocked the apartment, locked the door behind me, and made a beeline for my bedroom. I slipped my jacket off and threw it on a chair. I kicked off my shoes next to my bed and climbed beneath the sheets.

I didn't even bother getting undressed. I knew I wouldn't be falling asleep soon. It was dead silent and dark, except from the faint light that peeked in from the streetlights outside. I stared at the ceiling and that face came into view again. I shut my eyes and willed it away.

I couldn't think about her.

I wouldn't think about her.

I wouldn't think about how much of a turn-on it was when she bantered with me.

I wouldn't think about how much it frustrated me that she was so self-righteous.

I wouldn't think about how much I wanted to knock her off her pedestal.

I wouldn't think about how adorable it was when she scowled at me and swore.

I wouldn't think about how much I loved that smirk of hers.

I wouldn't think about how excited I was to see her tomorrow.

I wouldn't think about how much I was dreading seeing her tomorrow.

I would think about Vanessa.

I would think about my job and how I really needed to see Henry in Narcotics about something he found on Fiori.

I would think about how I needed to make nice with Charlie.

I would think about how I needed to do laundry and buy some more beer for my refrigerator.

I would think about how I needed to call Esme and find out how Jasper and Alice's wedding plans were coming along.

I would think about how I also needed to find out how Esme's trip with Carlisle to Japan went.

I would think about what the weather must be look for Vanessa in Miami right now.

I would think about everything that didn't relate to Isabella Woods.

I sighed and turned over. I looked outside and stared at the trees blowing silently in the wind. The weather was changing. It was already late September. The leaves would change their color soon and the crisp air would begin to be a permanent fixture in our forecast.

The night felt peaceful once I got my mind distracted but my subconscious knew it was anything but peaceful out there. Crime was happening while I lay in bed and hid out from the world like a coward. I hid from myself.

It was hopeless.

* * *

The next morning I was wired. I hadn't slept much and I knew it was making me jumpy. It wasn't so much that

I was anxious but that my body was restless. My eyes were wide and my hair was less tamable than usual. Even my shower couldn't help settle me. I put on a work-polo and grabbed a jacket.

The drive to work was unnerving. I found myself getting distracted easily and coming to a few close calls on the road. My hands were gripping the steering wheel even tighter than usual. The bones were straining against my pale skin, making them look a ghostly white.

I put on a pair of sunglasses to distract from my frazzled appearance and walked into the building. I got the usual 'Hello's' and waves but everyone just got a curt nod in return today. I wasn't in the mood today.

I was actually hoping that by a miracle from God I might not run into Emmett and that he'd see me after the interview. The less witnesses to my unusual behavior and appearance—the better.

I practically jogged to my office and locked myself in. I closed my blinds and didn't bother with the lights. Maybe if people thought I was away I'd be free of visitors. I took the sunglasses off and looked in a mirror. I looked like death.

I had dark circles under my eyes, my hair was sticking in more directions than usual, I was paler than a corpse—which I'd seen on more occasions than I'd like to remember—from a crime scene, my lips were dry, and my eyes were a dim green. I probably wouldn't even look like the same man to Isabella Woods.

Hell, she might even get a better behaved Edward. That was actually one of the dilemmas that kept me up for most of the night. Was I supposed to be myself and get snarky when she bit too close for comfort? Or was I supposed to listen to Charlie and overdo the politeness and pleasantries?

I definitely didn't want to give her the satisfaction of being completely tolerable—because no matter how much this girl was fucking with my brain I wanted to keep my pride—but where did I draw the line? I sighed and held my face in my hands. _This sort of shit didn't happen to me!_

Luckily, Valence had called my office to let me know Emmett was on assignment so he'd be out until later this morning. Valence could tell there was something off in my voice but knew better than to question me about it.I was anxious but I was still crabby. He knew asking the wrong thing might result in his inability to produce children in the future.

I hung up and closed my eyes. I would fall asleep every few minutes but wake myself up in an effort not to be late. Once 8:30 rolled around I just decided to get up and go upstairs. I got on the elevator and made my way to Charlie's floor.

The ride was a little long because people kept getting on and off but for the most part I was staring off into space. Most of the people on the elevator were secretaries, assistants, interns, and rookies. They didn't really have any interest in speaking to me.

I stepped off and became hyperaware that in a matter of minutes I'd be seeing _her_ again. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and ran a hand through my hair. I strolled over to Charlie's secretary and asked her if they were in the conference room already. She gave me a look that suggested she knew what had gone down on Tuesday morning and she was unimpressed.

She jerked her head in the direction of Charlie's office and murmured something about them being in the office. I was aware of her speaking but I couldn't concentrate because I saw _her_. I saw _him_. I saw _them_.

She was standing in Charlie's office, across from his desk, smiling brightly and leaning into the side of a _huge_ Native American man. The guy wasn't very bulky but he was taller than a fucking skyscraper. _Shit, did he parents raise him on growth hormones? _

Charlie laughed at something and the dark-skinned man squeezed her into his side and kissed the top of her hair. She grinned widely.

"Lieutenant MASEN?" Charlie's secretary broke me out of my staring.

I looked at the chubby-faced older woman and grimaced. She was a lot less pleasant to look at than what I had just been staring at. And Charlie's secretary's smile was a lot less genuine and perfect than _her_ smile. I sighed and shook my head.

"Thanks, if you speak to them tell them I'm waiting in the conference room," I snapped back.

I turned on my heel and walked determinedly to the conference room. Seeing _him _with _her_ sent a thrill through my body. It lit a fire under my ass. I wasn't going to be a pussy like this anymore. I sat down in my seat from last week and propped my legs up on the table. I crossed my ankles and put my arms behind my head.

I could fight with her again. I just needed to refrain from saying things like suggesting she perform fellatio. And I should probably tune down the swearing a bit. Maybe I would even apologize. Damn, I was feeling generous.

I sat there for an immeasurable amount of time when I heard the door click open. I dropped my feet down and my arms came to the arm rests. I turned around and stood. I was about to salute when I saw _him_ walk through the door.

I couldn't even see her _he_ was so fucking tall. He was a regular jolly green giant. He was wearing a cocky smile. I smirked in response and narrowed my eyes involuntarily. He glanced over his shoulder and grabbed her hand. She came in behind him and stared at me. Her lips were mashed together in a self-satisfied line that hinted at a smile.

"Hi, I'm Jacob Black," he left his hand out.

I stared at it like it was a rancid piece of meat. I looked at him and smiled a superficial smile.

"Lieutenant Masen."

"Is Lieutenant your first name?" he chuckled at his lame joke and pulled his hand back.

"Edward," I growled back.

"Lieutenant, this is my boyfriend…the one I was telling you about," Isabella spoke up with a smug grin.

I glanced at her but made sure I kept my unsatisfied stare locked on this Jacob asshole. He was a tool if I'd ever seen one.

He wore his t-shirt as tight as possible on purpose to show off the weak muscle definition he probably pined over. His jeans were ragged and worn, making it look like he was trying to seem as low-maintenance as possible. His freaking 10th grade _Aquaman_ boxers were peeking out as well.

I finally looked back at his face when it occurred to me. He was grinning like an ass and had no hint of dishonesty to his face.

She didn't tell him.

He wasn't here to "threaten" me for speaking "crudely" to his girlfriend. _Isabella_ had brought him here just to dangle him. And he was none the wiser. This shit was _priceless_. She was probably hoping that I'd shit bricks and be "afraid" of this kid. I felt a wide grin stretch across my face and if possible Jacob smiled wider.

"I've heard a lot about you."

I looked over at her and smirked. She was probably counting on the fact that I'd be unobservant enough to realize what she was doing. I was actually sort of insulted. Maybe this Jacob kid was unaware of her tactics but this girl was dealing with a master.

For a split second a look of surprise and panic appeared on her face but she quickly composed herself.

"Jake, sweetie I'll see you later, okay? Thanks for dropping me off," she leaned over and cupped his cheek.

I stood there, waiting for it. Isabella leaned forward and brushed those plump lips of hers across his. I wanted to hurl. Was that supposed to have any effect on me? It made me nauseous but not out of jealousy. It was just gross to see her kissing _him_. It was gross to think he received any sort of action from her or anyone.

In comparison to me, the lovesick puppy was kid. He couldn't be any older than 30 _if_ that. I mean he still wore _Aquaman_ boxers. She pulled back and smiled at him. He grinned and gave me a nod. I waved with a stiff jerk of my wrist and turned around.

I sat down in my seat and smiled to myself. I'd save the laughter for when she was sitting in front of me. I heard her feet moving closer to me.

I looked down at her and she was wearing Vans and loose jeans again. This time she was wearing a nondescript navy blue t-shirt with a jean jacket. I smirked at her and started laughing loudly once I looked her in the eyes. Her eyes narrowed in response and she sat down in her seat in a huff.

"Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice? Don't play with fire sweetie, you'll get burned," I chuckled.

"What did I say about the 'sweetie' thing?" she spat.

"Nice diversion," I winked.

"Don't call me that."

"Alright fine, I'll play nice. I'll stop calling you sweetie if you answer the question."

"There was nothing to notice. I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about," she stared down at her tape recorder with a condescending look.

"Right and my dick is small," I laughed, remembering Rosalie's joke from last night.

Her eyes snapped to me and a slight blush touched her cheeks.

"Sorry," I allowed.

She was still blushing.

"I just remembered a joke from last night with my friends," I explained.

She nodded her head quickly and concentrated on the tape recorder and the notebook that was sitting in front of her.

"So are you going to be a raging bitch again today or are we gonna get this shit over with?" I almost cringed at my use of swear words.

"First, I wasn't a raging bitch. You were being an asshole and it's my not style to let people walk all over me. And second, if you're capable of behaving like a civilized individual then we shouldn't have any problems," Isabella retorted.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Why couldn't she just shut up? Why did she always need to play hardball?

"Whatever, let's just get this over with," I sighed.

She pressed the record button on her tape recorder and I became instantly aware of the machine. I'd need to be a little more conscious of the things I was saying.

"For the record: what is your full name and how long have you been the head of the Seattle Police Department's S.W.A.T. unit?" she spoke in an oddly professional tone.

I could see she'd turned into the journalist I'd come to hate.

"My name is Lieutenant Edward Masen and I've been the head of SPD's S.W.A.T. unit for two years and eight months."

"Can you describe your position? Your day-to-day assignments?"

I could tell these weren't the questions she really wanted to know about but she needed to get them for the background information.

"My job on a regular basis consists of organizing and executing task missions. These missions usually result in the apprehension of major criminals and evidence that the everyday police officers of the SPD aren't trained to handle. My responsibility is making sure that then 22 men on my team, along with our Sergeant and me make it out safely and complete the mission to even the tiniest of details. Our missions usually require the use of dangerous firearms, weapons, combat etcetera. Sometimes we encounter hostage situations, other times we're responsible for transporting high-profile witnesses and criminals. All in all I'm responsible for some of the most important task missions that the SPD handles."

And then I was shocked, because Isabella didn't look bored like she should have. She looked dumbfounded. She knew all of this but for some reason a look that resembled that look of shock I'd seen was on her face.

She shook her head and rambled off some more questions. Some questions wanted to make me go off on her but others had me making easy conversation with her.

"So, Edward…what can you tell me about Danny Fiori?" she grinned.

I laughed without humor.

"I'm sure there's not much you don't already know and what you don't know and I do is probably classified anyway."

"Oh, don't be a baby, just tell me."

"I wish I could," I smirked.

"No you don't. You probably enjoy sitting here, watching me beg you for information," she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Well, you begging is definitely interesting, especially since you warned me of the same thing just the other morning."

She rolled her eyes.

"_What was that_ the other morning?"

"You were being an ass," she replied without skipping a beat.

"And you were being a self-righteous bitch. I didn't slap _you_."

"I didn't say anything crude to you for no apparent reason other than to win an argument!"

"Oh, so you admit that I won, do you?" I raised my eyebrows at her.

"That's not what I meant," Isabella backpedaled.

"Sure it is. Why else would you say it?" I grinned.

"I was trying to make a point. You're taking things too literally. As a matter of fact you're retreating back to the jerk you were on Tuesday morning. I was actually beginning to tolerate you there for a few minutes."

"Why shouldn't you? I'm rather charming." I winked.

She groaned and I laughed.

"You and charm are two words I wouldn't think should be synonymous," she gave a wary look.

"Yeah, well you're no cup of tea either. It's hell trying to be nice to you when you push my buttons."

"Is that what you're trying to do? Be nice? Charlie must have threatened you pretty bad," she giggled.

It was _alarmingly_ cute to hear her giggle.

"What's the deal with you and Charlie anyway?"

She immediately sobered up and kept her mouth shut. She didn't have an immediate response like she usually did.

"What do you mean?" her voice became guarded.

"One of my officers thinks you're boning him," I shrugged.

Her jaw dropped and her face flushed red. I couldn't decide if it was because she was embarrassed or angry. I was dying to find out.

"What's wrong?" I wondered.

"Charlie and I aren't like that."

"What?"

"I mean I'm not _boning_ him. Charlie is…sort of like a father figure," she seemed to be choosing her words carefully.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Exactly what it implies."

"Ugh, would you cut the sarcastic responses for once second! I'm serious. What does that mean?"

"Look, we all have our secrets. Okay? And some things are classified. Just accept that and let it go. I'm not hounding you about Fiori information anymore so please don't ask me about Charlie anymore. Just know that's not the nature of our relationship. _That_ couldn't be any farther from the truth."

I looked at her curiously. She always fucking surprised me. Now I was _really_ curious about this Charlie thing.

"Why don't you exist?" I asked.

"What?" she asked confusedly.

"I mean it's like you don't exist. I didn't even know what you looked like before I met you," I explained.

She bit on her lip and I internally groaned. I still didn't like her but I could admit that when she did that it turned me on. I just wanted to bite down on that lip myself.

"That's another one of those classified things. Let's just say it's for safety reasons, which means I'd appreciate it if you didn't go ahead and tell everyone you know about me. My picture in the newspaper or on the Internet for that matter is dangerous and it doesn't have anything to do with my column."

"You sure?" I smirked.

Isabella nodded solemnly and for a sudden I felt bad for making the joke. She wasn't lying. She really would be in danger if people knew what she looked like or who she was. I wondered why. Why was it such a big secret?

"Then why do you write? And why do you write about the things you do? Don't you realize there are people in this city that would love to see your column discontinued and you dead?"

"I didn't choose to be born into the family I was born into, alright? I've worked hard to make a name for myself and I'm not going to let a little danger stop me from doing what I love. I love writing and I enjoy my job."

What. The. Hell?

"What do you mean 'born into the family I was born into'?"

"Whatever you want it mean," she stood up and grabbed her bag.

I stood up abruptly and grabbed her wrist to stop her from packing up.

"What are you not telling me?" I demanded.

"I _can't_ tell you. I can't tell anyone."

Isabella removed her wrist from my grip and put her belongings in her bag. She walked away from me and got to the door. She stopped just like she had done on Tuesday morning and looked at me from over her shoulder.

"It was nice meeting you," were her parting words as she walked out and closed the door behind her.

_What the fuck just happened?_

I stood there, frozen. She was hiding a secret. A secret I'd never find out and never get the chance to. Yeah, I knew where she worked and could probably find her there since I knew what she looked like now but I wouldn't do that. She wanted this secret to stay secret.

I knew I'd probably never see her again and I was stunned by how much that bothered me. I couldn't let this bother me. It'd just continue the cycle of frustration and confusion I'd been spiraling through for the last two days.

What was so damn special about her? What cause she fought with me and was attractive? I could say the same thing about Rosalie but that didn't mean I was trying hard to convince myself I didn't like her. And I didn't like her…Isabella Woods. I couldn't like her. Not even as more than a friend.

Even in our relatively tame session today she'd managed to make me grind my teeth and bite my tongue. She had a slick mouth and sarcasm was her tragic flaw. Not the mention she was utterly self-righteous and a know-it-all.

I just couldn't believe how I was reverting back to this junior high school crush bullshit? Was this God's sick way of punishing me for skipping puberty is going head on into a sex life at the tender age of fourteen? I couldn't help it I had issues.

_FUCK! _

She won't get to me. I won't let her.

* * *

And so the plot thickens...

Leave a review. I love to hear your thoughts on how the story goes.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the wait with this one life, school, and some research for this chapter stopped me from getting it out sooner. I hope you like it. It's a little different this chapter but for the most part I think it's interesting. I doubt you give will have read a chapter like this before.

Song for this chapter: Kids with Guns by the Gorillaz

Note: There's a mention of 'Mase's walk' in this chapter. The reference is how this specific rapper walks with a limp. Just in case you didn't get the analogy.

_I don't own Twilight but you already knew that ;)_

* * *

"Ugh, what the hell kind of technique is that? She's squeezing her legs together too much!" Rosalie scoffed.

I rolled my eyes. I'd been hearing comments like this for the last hour. It was Emmett's brilliant idea to go to a strip club…and bring Rosalie along. I was always up for a high-class strip club like the one I was at right now but damnit why did he have to bring her?

She was ruining the entire experience with her running commentary and play-by-play. I felt like I was watching a fucking Mariners game not a hot brunette sliding her ass up and down a pole. Emmett was getting a kick out of it. For some reason it was their bizarre form of foreplay. I grimaced and took a long sip of beer. I'd been nursing the same fucking bottle for the last hour. It wasn't doing shit for me.

I returned my attention to the brunette who was currently in front of me—legs in the air, upside down on a pole. Her long curly brown hair was dangling in the most tantalizing of ways. She righted herself and stalked towards me. She had a total look of sex in her eyes. She kneeled down and leaned forward.

I leaned forward and buried my head in her neck. This girl smelled alright, not like the cherry Chapstick and fresh, powdery smell that had been clouding my senses for the last 3 days but nice enough. The girl's hand ran through my hair, down my bicep, across my forearm, and into my lap. Then suddenly, the 10 dollar bill I had been holding onto was snatched from my hand. She pulled back abruptly and smirked at me.

I had to give it to her. That was a fucking _nice_ pull.

I sighed and looked over at Emmett and Rosalie. He was whispering things in her ear and she would nod occasionally. I was more than sure I didn't want to know what that conversation was about. I glanced over at a redhead who was now performing to some hip-hop song and doing a striptease that included a chair. I had to admit, it was pretty hot.

"What the fuck? What kind of extension was that? These girls are terrible!" Rosalie complained again.

"Rosalie, shut it! Unless you plan on getting up there and doing that shit yourself keep that big mouth of yours closed. You're ruining this for me."

And she was. I hadn't even had the chance to get aroused. I was in a strip club. You'd expect me to be stiff as board but thanks to Rosalie I was as limp like Mase's walk.

"Fuck off Edward! It's not my fault you can't get it up," she snarled.

"I have _no_ problem with that. It's _you_ and your little comments. You're killing the experience!"

She sighed. "Whatever!"

I stared at the stage in front of me. I fixed my gaze to the floor, and stared at nothing. I was replaying that scene from Thursday in my head, like I had been doing every moment since then. It was driving me crazy that it was gnawing at me. I'd probably never see her again.

And what did it matter? Maybe it was because I knew her column would still come out every Sunday (tomorrow included) and she'd be out there somewhere. She'd be sitting in a house with _him_ and the answer to my questions. The answer to her riddles would be so easy yet hard to find. I glanced at my watch.

1:31 A.M.

I stood up and stretched my arms above my head.

"I'm gonna take off. I'm tired and I've got files I've got to look over tomorrow."

"Aw, really? C'mon Edward…just stay another hour. Rosie will promise to shut up," Emmett threw her a meaningful look.

Rosalie sighed and rolled her eyes. She finally glanced at me and nodded dejectedly. I laughed.

"No, really. I'm tired and it's been a long week, besides Vanessa will probably be back tomorrow."

"Oh yeah I forgot she was away. How are things going with that?" Emmett asked.

"Fine, I guess. I don't know. We spoke yesterday night. We just need to take things slow. I'm not even sure if I'm doing the right thing," I admitted.

"Just give it a try Edward. You can't let another one get away. She might be a crazy and a little absentminded but she's a good girl. She really cares about you and she's genuine," Emmett's voice was more tender.

Emmett really liked Vanessa. They'd met a couple of times and she had come out with us once or twice. The truth was Vanessa really was a good girl. She had emotional issues and she was incredibly naïve but she was a good person. She listened to me, we related more than any other girl I'd been with, and she tried her best to respect my emotional detachment.

"I know. I'm just confused is all," I tried to evade the discussion any further.

"I'll see you two crazies later," I smirked.

"Bye, Edward!" Rosalie called out.

I waved to her and took off. The drive back to my apartment was fairly quick. I climbed into bed and passed out. I hadn't been lying when I said I was tired. I was dreaming of nothing when my cell phone started to vibrate violently against my nightstand. I opened my eyes slowly. They were swollen from sleep. I picked up the offensive object and glanced at the screen. It was Charlie.

"Hello?" I mumbled.

"Lieutenant? Sorry it's so late. We've got a homicide downtown. It looks to be related to Fiori. I called you because…well, to be frank most of the other detectives are probably busy."

"No sir. I understand. What's the address? I'll be there in 10."

Charlie spout off the address quickly and I hopped out of bed. I put a jacket on and got my gear together. I slipped on my sneakers and grabbed my keys. I didn't bother speeding illegally. I put my siren on my car and sped into the city. I loved that damn siren. It was like you could part the Red Sea with the thing.

I parked haphazardly against the sidewalk and jogged over to the scene. The officer at the press line recognized me so I got in quickly not having to show my badge. I saw Charlie over by an ambulance and I rushed over. I saluted him and relaxed when he told me 'at ease.'

"Hello, sir. What's the deal?"

We walked forward and over to the forensics team members that were meticulously going over the crime scene. I looked over the shoulder of one of the agents and I grimaced.

"White male, looks to be around 18-20, gunshot to the forehead. Time of death is around 1:30, just over an hour ago," Charlie spoke.

I shivered. I had glanced at my watch at 1:31 and this young man had just been killed.

"Any signs of combat? What's that on his arm? Is that laceration new?" I asked the agent who was kneeling in front of us next to the corpse.

"Not exactly. It definitely happened today but not when the victim was killed," the woman spoke. I recognized her. She was Victoria Molina.

"Hey, Vicky. I didn't realize it was you. Did you guys find any I.D. or personal items?"

She stood up and looked at me. She shook her head grimly and sighed.

"How do you know this is related to Fiori?" I asked Charlie.

"We don't. We suspect it is. The person who called in the homicide said they saw two large men climb into a Bentley afterwards. The caller asked to remain anonymous but we tracked the place the call was from and it was street corner about three blocks from here. If the caller was really concerned and was trying to call it in right away there's very obviously a phone booth right there," he pointed to a phone booth across the street from us.

"We have reason to believe Fiori wanted us to know he had something to do with it. It could have been one of his own who called it in, though the caller sounded pretty frantic."

"What time did the call take place?" I asked.

Charlie glanced at his notepad.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath.

"Victoria, what was the time of death again?" Charlie asked anxiously.

"One-thirty, sir," she replied confusedly.

I already knew.

"Paulson get your ass over here! Let me hear that tape of the caller again!" Charlie shouted for the blonde officer.

He jogged over and handed Charlie the tape. Charlie put the headphones on and his eyes shut. I already knew what he was going to say. He ripped the headphones off and clenched his teeth.

"Masen get a team together. I'll have the D.A. get us a warrant. You're going to go in and round up suspects. We need to I.D. this man. The chances of anyone he knows calling him in as a missing person is low. The call took place before the homicide. Fiori killed this man and wanted us to see it. He's trying to send us a message and now you'll be sending him one. Be ready to go in a few hours," Charlie jogged toward his car.

I didn't even have a chance to salute him. Victoria shot me a weary look.

"Tell me about it," I walked off.

I said hello to a couple of my colleagues and walked towards my car.

"Edward?" I would know that voice anywhere.

I turned around. She was standing there. Her hair was in a messy bun, she was wearing a UW sweatshirt that was obviously _his_, and jeans. She looked exhausted.

"Isabella? What are you doing here?" I wondered.

She smiled.

"I know I should be over by the press line but I was hoping I could catch one of the officers on their way out," she bit her lip, obviously embarrassed.

"Oh," I nodded.

"So, do you mind helping me out?" she beamed.

"I don't have time. I've got to get a mission organized for your _buddy_ and it needs to be ready to go in a few hours."

"A mission? For what? Does it have to do with that boy over there?" she asked.

"Maybe. Look, I really have to go. I've got to head into the office and get some shit together. My officers aren't going to be in the best of moods."

"It was Fiori, wasn't it?" her voice dropped.

She would find out anyway so I nodded.

"But why would he kill that boy? He could only be 18-years-old max. I mean was he snitching to you guys or the Feds?"

"We don't know yet. Charlie thinks Fiori is trying to send us a message. And we'll be sending one right back. That's where I come in," I turned my back and continued walking to my car. I could hear her jogging to catch up to me.

"Where are you going to get your suspects?" she grabbed my arm and stopped.

I opened my car door and shrugged her off. It was disarming to have her touch me. It made my brain fuzzy and my chest tighten. I needed to focus right now and she as ruining my concentration.

"We'll probably infiltrate his warehouse. Where else would we go? A judge would never give us a warrant for his club. I'm sure he does business there but the chances of finding some footmen and evidence is low."

I started to lower myself into my car when she grabbed my arm again. This time more forcefully. Her fingertips were digging into my skin.

"Edward you can't go into that building," her eyes were wide.

I laughed at the thought of her being worried about me.

"Isabella, relax. I've done this a million times. Nothing will happen," I chuckled.

"I have to say it's kind of nice though to see you'll be worried about me," I winked.

"Edward you'll die along with the rest of your team if you go in there! I'm not kidding!" she said in a stern voice.

"Neither am I. You become desensitized to the prospect of death in this job. Now I really have to go. Unlike some of us I have a _real_ job, with orders I have to follow. And I will be fired from said job if I don't have a functioning team in about four hours."

"I have a source that told me everything about that warehouse. After the last bust your team did Fiori took even more precautions. They knew Charlie would assign you guys! He's probably waiting for you guys to show up right now so he can take you out!" she was shouting hysterically.

"Listen, Woods…thanks for the warning but your 'sources' won't exactly be enough to make the commish change his mind. I'll be careful and even if I'm not what should it matter to you? My number should have been up two nights ago with a visit from your boyfriend," I laughed and climbed into the car.

I slammed the door shut and started the engine. It purred to life and I glanced one last time at Isabella. Her eyes were sad and her mouth was sitting in a frown. I looked back at the road and pulled away, leaving that face to haunt me for the rest of the day. I took out my cell phone and called Emmett.

"Hello?" he mumbled.

"McCarty, ass up! We've got a homicide on our hands and we need to get into Fiori's warehouse. Charlie's getting the D.A. to fetch us a warrant as we speak. Call the rest of the team. I need everyone to be in our office by oh-three-thirty. Be prepared," I snapped it shut.

I turned the siren on and sped to the office. I practically sprinted to the elevator and to my office. I got out the latest blueprints of Fiori's warehouse and started to plan. We needed to get into the back offices. The usually hung out back there. I wasn't sure if it was necessarily a good idea to do a covert mission.

We had a warrant and we weren't looking for evidence. We just needed some footmen and soldiers for questioning. Regular officers would never be prepared enough for this sort of roundup.

I sighed. This was going to be harder than I thought. I kept thinking about Isabella's warning. What if we went in covert and we ended up dead? What was _that_ accomplishing?

At least if we showed up announced they probably wouldn't be ready to attack us because of the fact there might be witnesses. A water entry was definitely out of the question. Fiori always had men on his docks. We'd need to go in on foot. I heard a knock on my door and looked up.

"Yeah?" I called out.

Emmett popped his head in.

"We've got everyone together, Edward. It's 3:30."

"Alright," I picked up the blueprints and walked out of my office.

I walked into the conference room on our floor where we planned our missions. All the guys looked like death and were obviously tired. A few of them were drinking coffee. They all stood up and saluted me. I plastered the blueprints to a board.

"Hey, guys, at ease. I'm sorry. Look we've got a homicide. It happened about two hours ago. The victim looks like a footman for Fiori. It turns out the call-in for the homicide took place before the actual T.O.D. Charlie suspects this was a way for Fiori to send a message. I'm not sure exactly what he's trying to say or what he has planned next but that's where we come in. We're waiting on a warrant right now but it seems like we'll be heading to Fiori's warehouse to round up suspects. There was no I.D. on the victim, which was probably intentional."

One of my officers raised his hand.

"Yeah, Jackson?"

"What if he _wants_ us to show up at the warehouse? This sting doesn't exactly sound secure."

"I agree. I was given a tip that there's a large chance we could all die if we head in there, which brings me to my next issue. We're a team. I don't think we should go in covert. If we head in announced, they probably won't sabotage us."

Valence shook his head along with some of the other officers.

"Why not, Valence?"

"If we head in covert we'll not only be catching the guys but we'll get evidence."

"We're not going in for evidence. Just suspects."

"What about you O'Connor?"

"I don't know. I guess I just don't trust them not to blow us away whether we head in announced or not. At least if we go in covert they won't have time to be prepared."

I sighed. We were at an impasse. No one could make the decision, myself included.

"McCarty, c'mon. I need to speak to you in my office. The rest of you gear up. We'll be heading out no later than oh-five-hundred."

I walked out of the conference room and locked my office door behind Emmett and me. I shut the blinds and sat in my seat.

"Emmett, I'm fucked."

"Who tipped you off?" he asked.

He knew me better than any other officer. He knew the tip was what was throwing me off.

"It was Woods," I croaked.

"What?! When did you see _her_?" he practically shouted.

"Shhhhh! I saw her at the crime scene," I whispered.

"What did she say?"

"She said she has a source. According to her, last time we busted Fiori at the warehouse he beefed up security and protection. If we go in there…we'll die. She thinks he killed off the footman to get our attention so we'd come running after him. She thinks he's expecting us and that he knew Charlie would send us in for suspects."

"So let me get this straight? She thinks the footman was left unidentified on purpose and that Fiori set up the call, homicide, and mismatching clues on _purpose_ so he could get Charlie to assign us?"

I nodded grimly. He sighed heavily.

"Well, fuck. No wonder you're so out-of-it. I have a bad feeling about this already. If she's right either way it won't matter."

"Not necessarily. He's probably expecting us to go covert. He probably isn't counting on the fact I got tipped off about the warehouse."

"Well then let's fuck the warehouse and get into the club."

I shook my head.

"A judge will never give a warrant. We should even be suspicious of what judge the D.A. gets the warrant from. Fiori could have bought him off. If he did, the judge would sign a warrant intentionally so we'd get sent over there."

"Yeah, you're right," Emmett spoke solemnly.

"Charlie's going to want us to go in covert."

"Are you sure? What if you tell him what you know?"

"He's not gonna go for it, even if it's her. I could see his face. He wants us in there at any cost."

"Why do you think he wants a covert op so bad?" Emmett wondered.

"Charlie knows our success rate with a covert, besides as much as he wants those suspects I'm sure he wouldn't mind us coming back with some incriminating stuff. Who knows? We might even get lucky and get information on the actual hit."

"It's still really dangerous. Look, just call him and ask him about it. It can't help getting a second-opinion. At least if we end up doing a covert you'll know it was an order."

I sighed. It was a fucking catch 22. I picked up my phone and dialed Charlie's cell phone.

"Swan," he snapped.

"Hello, sir. It's Masen."

"Oh, Masen! Great! I was just going to call you. We got the warrant. The D.A. had Wilkinson sign off on it. Will the team be ready to go at oh-five-hundred?"

"Yes, sir. We've got plans and options in place. I was just wondering…can Wilkinson be trusted?"

"Absolutely Lieutenant, you won't have to worry about a pay-off being involved. What's the plan?"

"Well actually we're stuck. We want to know what you think."

"Are you shitting me, Lieutenant? I don't have time for this! I'm not you high school teacher! I'm your boss! Get a covert op together and organize it to perfection. If I lose an officer, your head will be served to me on a platter. You've got an hour to get it together and make it work," the line went dead.

"Shit, man. I'm sorry. Look you already had the two plans organized so the guys are prepared for either one. I'll make sure they're geared up properly. You suit up and be ready to leave," Emmett stood up and left my office.

I placed my head in my hands. Tonight was one of those nights I dreaded, one of those nights where I wasn't completely committed to my mission. I didn't trust my plan. I didn't trust my own instincts. That was the first way to get yourself killed as an officer.

I sighed and stood up. I went over to my locker and suited up. The bulky bullet-proof vest first, followed by my fire-proof suit, my utility belt, my boots, my pack, and my helmet. I went over to my gun case and unloaded my rifle. I was one of two men on our two that had been trained in sniping. I grabbed my goggles on the way out and went to my men down the hall.

"Alright, this is how it's going to go down. Me, Valence, Jackson, Fernandez, and Tyler will be Team Alpha. McCarty, Anderson, O'Connor, Donnelly, Murphy, Harpe, and Badger will be Team Beta. The rest of you will be designated into sections surrounding the perimeter. You won't get your assignments until we land. Team Beta you'll be the back-up and will enter the warehouse from the northeast corridor. My team, we'll head in through the southwest entrance and stay to the shadows. Everyone's walkie needs to be in working order. If yours is out, replace it right now. The techies need to have our transmissions. Make sure your guns are loaded. And if you have any suspicions while on site call in it right away. Let's head out!"

We grabbed the service elevator and went to the garage. I could tell some of my officers were nervous while the others were totally psyched to be on a mission. It wasn't good as an officer to have my team is such discord.

We needed to be a stable, functioning, united team. Without that there was no way the mission would be successful. We hopped onto our truck and loaded in. Once we were about 5 minutes away from the warehouse I spoke up.

"Okay, Armstrong, Dixon, and Makowski you three will take the northeast side. Ellis, Monticello, and Griffin you'll take the southwest side. Crawford, Jones, and Pagan you take southeast…which leaves Scott, Nathan, and Reed for the northwest. I'm only going to say this once so listen up well. I know some of you guys aren't committed but you need to man up and do your job. We can't do it right if we're not in it together. You should know this. Just remind yourselves, we're here for suspects. Don't over think it."

The officer driving stopped and announced our arrival. We all hopped out silently, running but treading so lightly you could barely hear our heavy boots. My team stopped off by the corner and got together before we ran over to the warehouse. Once the building was in plain sight we stood to the shadows.

If we had done the mission an hour earlier things would have been a lot easier. It was just around 5:15 and it was getting lighter despite the darkness. We needed to be inside the building and no more than two minutes away from our location by 6:00.

We purposely kept away from the docks and stuck to the shadows. I sent Officer Tyler over to the docks to check out how many footmen we'd need to avoid. He came back and his eyes were so huge I could see them clearly through his thick goggles.

"Shit, Lieutenant. There's no one on the dock. I've got a bad feeling about this. I called in the northeast group. They didn't take out any footmen."

"Fuck," I hissed.

I wanted to run a hand through my hair out of habit. There were always men on the docks. This was a bad sign. I picked up my walkie and called in the other groups to double check. No one had taken any footmen or soldiers out. I panicked. This either meant this mission would turn up bad or one of the groups was lying. I had a feeling it wasn't latter. I knew my men.

"Scrub the mission. We're not going in," I commanded over the walkie.

"But sir we have an order from Charlie," Valence insisted.

"Valence, that's an order. Everyone move out!"

How dare he question my authority? Something bad was going to happen. Charlie would understand. He knew it was the right thing to trust my instincts. I was running with my group along the front end of the warehouse. We caught up with Emmett's group and continued out.

I had a bad feeling. Something was going to happen. We would be okay as soon as we left the docks and warehouse. My heart was pounding in my chest. It felt like at any second we might get ambushed. My eyes were darting frantically, checking out for any impending sign of danger.

"McCarty are you keeping lookout?" I shouted loud enough for only him to hear.

"Yeah, seems good. The other four groups are caught up. Fernandez took a headcount. We're all accounted for."

"Good. Let's keep it moving!" I shouted to the rest of the group.

Suddenly I heard an explosion. I didn't have time to turn around at the sound. We were all propelled about 20 feet forward from the blast. I landed roughly. I had a ringing noise in my ear and my head was pounding. My eyes felt like they were swollen shut from the heat that was emitted. I heard a few stray gunshots but I couldn't focus my attention enough to check whether or not they were being aimed at us.

It felt like I had fluid swishing around in my head. I finally peeled my eyes open and the warehouse which was about 400 feet away from us now was up in flames. It was an inferno. I picked up my phone and called in the blast. The firefighters needed to get here soon or else the entire dock would be burned to pieces.

I crawled over to a few officers and everyone seemed to be okay, just disoriented by the blast. I tried to stand up unsuccessfully and fell, two strong arms caught me and I glanced over my shoulder to see Emmett holding me upright.

"Lieutenant, you need to sit down."

I folded my legs and fell to the ground. A few of the other officers were stable enough to stand up and patrol around our area to protect us from the line of fire. I had a feeling a few of Fiori's men might be around.

"I can't. We need to leave. His men are probably around, about to check out if the blast took us out or not. We need to buy some time and disappear."

"Okay," he nodded and helped me up.

I was able to stand up better now. I swallowed the saliva that had pooled in my mouth and shook my head to focus. I did a personal headcount and gathered the group again. We ran pretty unsteadily but this time we made it unscathed to the truck.

We hopped in and I checked the driver. He was still one of our guys. Emmett scoped out the perimeter while we drove for any sign they might be following us. We pulled up to the station where Charlie was waiting as soon as we stepped off. As soon as I hopped off the truck he came walking up to me. I was about to salute him but he waved it off.

"Masen, what happened? Are all the agents here?" he looked around.

"The operation was sabotaged. I received a tip before we left that ended up being true….But yeah we're all here," I replied.

A flicker of recognition flashed through his eyes before he had time to stop it. I looked at him curiously and he shook his head.

"Masen come to my office with me…_now_," he spoke through clenched teeth and leaned forward.

It was obvious he needed to speak to me alone. I nodded and climbed onto the service elevator with Charlie. I mumbled to Emmett about getting the team together for a post-op meeting after I was done with Charlie. He nodded his acknowledgement and jogged back over to the team.

The medics on scene were helping them out. Some of the ones that had been farther to the back had slight bruises and cuts. They'd been closer to the debris. Charlie and I stepped off onto his floor. I removed my helmet and goggles. We walked into his office and I sat down in one of his chairs while he took the seat at his desk in front of me.

"I talked to Isabella."

I sighed.

"That doesn't surprise me," I rolled my eyes and leaned back in his chair.

"After you left she was finally able to get in touch with me. She told me she tipped you off but you insisted on doing the mission. I know why you didn't say anything to me and I apologize. I probably wouldn't have taken her warning very seriously either. She tends to overreact sometimes," he sighed.

"With all due respect sir, it doesn't matter. Even if she hadn't tipped me off I still would have realized something was off."

"Why? What happened? You were supposed to be in the building when the explosion happened if you followed the plan to the mark. I didn't get to hear the tapes of the walkie-transmissions."

"There were no men on the docks. There are _alway_s men on his docks. I knew they were either taken out or something fishy was going on. I knew my men wouldn't lie about taking them out so I figured we were about to get ambushed. It's a good thing we realized when we did. If we had been there even two minutes longer we would have gotten blasted to bits."

"Shit. I didn't realize Isabella would be right about the ambush…" he paused.

I looked at the floor. I was going to need to do some heavy apologizing, something I was never good at. Maybe I should bring her flowers or some shit. Girls like that.

"I spoke to her and I was thinking about maybe including her around here on a more…_permanent_ basis. Not necessarily an employee but we could use her information. Lord knows I give her a lot of interviews but how she gets the information in the first place is a mystery to me. The girl is damn loyal. She'd never give up a source."

Shit, this wasn't exactly a good idea. I knew with my luck he'd make her my little project, which meant we'd be in close proximity together.

"Sir, if you don't mind my asking….Why would she help us in the first place? She doesn't even like the SPD. She doesn't even like _me_!" I laughed without humor.

"I know. I said I _spoke_ to her about it not that it was _my_ idea," he explained.

"She wants to help us out?" I scoffed.

"She feels bad. She wants to take down Fiori even more so now. That boy…the one who was killed tonight…he was only 17-years-old. We were very generous in his age range. The coroner suspects the stress levels in dealing with Fiori helped age him. And you know what they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and she's _pissed_. The fact Fiori is hiring and murdering 17-year-old footmen sent her off the deep end. Actually, she managed to get past the press line and was the one who I.D.-ed him. She claimed he was some kid who hung out at a bar Jacob and his friends play at. When we got the name we called his mother and checked missing persons. She came in and confirmed the I.D. She had reported him missing for a month, long enough for Fiori to snake him and then murder him."

I rubbed my eyes. This was too much. Fiori was getting into a whole new level of ruthlessness. Killing a 17-year-old kid so he could send us a message and kill the SPD's S.W.A.T. team? It was more than crime it was just plain evil. I couldn't even bring myself to care that he had mentioned that Jacob character. I had too much on my mind.

"Do it then. Bring her in. If she can help us out, then I'll take it. I just need to get rid of this guy. It becomes more than a job when he targets me and my team. It's fucking _personal _now."

"Alright, I'll call her in on Monday. She'll still do articles with the paper, of course, because she'd never give that up but we need to work on protection for her. For the next three weeks all you S.W.A.T. members will be watched by officers too. I don't want any families murdered; although, _she'll _need to be protected a little longer. Masen, I'm only going to tell you this once but I care for Isabella a lot. She's like a daughter to me. Her life will be in your hands. Don't fuck it up," Charlie leaned forward and gave me a deadly look.

"Yes, sir."

"Okay. That's all. Finish up with your men downstairs and then go home. You'll need some rest. I don't want to see your face again until Monday mid-morning. If there's any emergencies, McCarty will handle them unless we desperately need you. You look like shit. Shower up," he stood up and pointed to the door.

I saluted him and walked out. I was more than ready to finish this shit and get home. I'd been functioning on less than an hour of sleep. I really prayed Vanessa wouldn't show up today. I was hoping that at the worst she'd come home tonight. Right now I just needed a stiff drink and sleeping pill. Everything and everyone else would have to wait.

* * *

PLEASE give me your feedback on this one.

I know it was different so I want to know what you think of it. I apologize if some of it was slightly over-dramatic but it's fanfiction and I _did_ try to keep it as realistic as possible. If there were any innacuracies, please forgive me. I tried my best. I'd like to think Law & Order and the Sopranos gave me a good foundation for the basic knowledge I relied on for this chapter ;)

I used all the officer names from my yearbook, haha. I just picked random names.

Oh and I'll also be posting a Halloween one-shot this Friday October 31st. It's rated M for safety but there's no lemon or smut. Just the gang back in highschool for some good times at a haunted house. It's a humor story so I hope it can lighten ya'll up with all this angst I'm giving you =) If you add me to your author alert or check my profile on Friday you'll see it.


	7. Chapter 7

Wow last chapter was amazing! I honestly think there was NO ONE who didn't enjoy it, which I'm so thankful for. There will definitely be more action scenes in the story for your enjoyment! This chapter is one of my favorites, it was the easiest to write. It basically wrote itself in a matter of maybe two hours. I was just so inspired all of a sudden.

This chapter's song: It's A Mans Mans Mans World by James Brown

_I don't own Twilight unfortunately but the film _does_ come out in less than 2 weeks! ;)_

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When I walked into my apartment and saw my bed was empty it was the happiest I'd ever been. Luck was on my side and Vanessa still wasn't back yet. I kicked my sneakers off and crawled between the white cotton sheets. As soon as my head hit the pillow I instinctively smiled. It was that level of exhaustion where your bed and the prospect of sleeping was a form of Nirvana.

I closed my eyes and put an arm under the pillow when my phone went off. My eyes snapped open and I growled. _No one should be calling me right now!_ I picked up the offensive object and sighed in relief when it wasn't Charlie but Esme instead.

I rolled my eyes, set the phone to silent—after she was sent to voicemail, and threw the stupid machine across the room. I knew she kept up with the news in Seattle so it really wasn't surprising that she'd called me but honestly….I'd just survived an explosion that was meant to kill me. I wanted some peace and quiet.

I fell asleep, thinking of absolutely nothing. Usually my mind was racing while I tried to fall asleep but this time it was a blank slate. I couldn't even bring myself to acknowledge anything important or trivial. When I woke up it was 2:15 in the morning. I'd been sleeping for just over 15 hours. I got up to use the bathroom and crawled back into my bed. I was sure I was hungry but I was still too tired to care. My eyes slipped shut and I was instantly aware I was dreaming.

I was walking through a darkened warehouse. The floors were wet and there were puddles in certain places. It was light outside. Blue-white light shone through the few slits in the walls and broken windows. I looked down and realized I was dressed in my gear but I was completely alone. My team was nowhere to be found. I raised my rifle and allowed my eyes to scan the area. There was no movement.

I continued down a corridor until I saw them. They were perched on top of a platform, surrounding the large wood desk that claimed the center. Danny Fiori was sitting behind the desk with a smug grin on his face. My team was surrounding the desk in a half-circle. They were almost like shadows. Isabella was sitting to Fiori's right. She was perched on the corner of his desk; her back was slightly towards me.

She glanced over her shoulder and gave me a wicked grin. I immediately noticed she was wearing a skin-tight, strapless, black dress that was riding up her toned thigh. Fiori stood up and moved closer to Isabella. He put a grimy hand on the thigh I had been staring at and started to move slowly up her leg. He brought his lips to her ear and whispered something.

All the while his eyes were still locked with mine. Her right hand slipped to his shoulder and her full lips whispered something back. I wasn't sure how but all of sudden her lips were in perfect sight. I had zeroed in on them like it was a movie. I could see them say with perfect clarity: "Kill Him."

I woke up in a cold sweat. I sat up and panted. My heartbeat was racing. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands and looked at my clock. It was 5:43. I glanced out the window and the sun was beginning to rise. I sighed in frustration and slipped out of bed. When I entered my bathroom, I flicked the light on and glanced in the mirror.

I was paler than usual and had a thin layer of sweat on my forehead. My brown hair was darker around the hairline from moisture. I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth. I was sporting a five o'clock shadow now but I couldn't bring myself to care. Shaving was not on my list of priorities at the moment.

I went back to my room, after a quick whiz, and sat on the corner of my bed. My face was in my hands. I wasn't one of those people who necessarily felt like dreams had meaning to them but that dream was different. The way she said "Kill Him" sounded more like an order than part of a sentence. And what was she doing with Danny Fiori? The way she was dressed she looked like one of his playthings.

I picked up the sneaker that was next to me and threw it across the room. It hit a picture frame. The frame fell over and cracked. I sighed heavily and went over to inspect the damage. I kneeled down next to the shards of broken glass and closed my eyes. I liked this picture. It was a picture of me, Jasper, and Alice. We had gone on a trip to New York one weekend and taken this picture on the Subway.

Alice was grinning widely and had Jasper and I pulled tightly into her sides. My cheek, as well as Jasper's, was flushed against hers. Aside from Emmett and Rose, Jasper and Alice were the only friends I had at that time. My finger traced the frame and I put the picture back on the table it had occupied.

All my pictures had me and another couple. It was Em and Rose, Jazz and Alice, or Mom and Carlisle. I was always the odd-man-out, never serious enough to have a girlfriend along or caring enough to have a picture of one in the first place.

I walked around my room for about ten minutes looking for my phone. I found it underneath my drawer. The battery was in one corner while the rest of the phone was in another. I put the stupid phone back together and checked my voicemail. Three were from my mother, worrying about me. One was from Vanessa explaining she'd be home for dinner tonight. And another was from Emmett, telling me we needed to talk when I came into work today.

I glanced at my alarm clock. It was about 6:15. I could call Esme. I wasn't sure if she had plans for today or if she was staying home. Either way I could at least talk to her for ten minutes. I pressed my speed dial and waited while the phone rang. Two rings later, she picked up.

"Cullen residence," she spoke cheerily.

"Hey, Mom," I murmured.

"Edward! Oh, Edward! Sweetie, are you okay? I heard what happened! They didn't say it was your team but I suspected. You never answered last night," she sounded worried.

I immediately felt bad. She worried about me more than should be allowed. It was completely selfish of me to add to it.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I fell asleep as soon as I came home. Sorry."

"It's okay, sweetie. I was just so worried. Carlisle was pretty much dying for you to call back so I'd calm down," she laughed.

"Tell him I apologize. I lost track of time," I lied.

"What happened, Edward? They've been reporting about this Danny Fiori character for hours on all the Seattle news websites. They even did some coverage on CNN."

I groaned. This meant I had shitty day ahead of me. Full of press releases, damage control, P.R. twits, and headaches.

"We had a mission. It got sabotaged," I shared the condensed version.

"But how did you manage to get out?"

"I got tipped off before we left so I was already on high alert. Besides my officers gave me enough time to react when we realized there were no men on the docks."

"Oh, honey. I'm so glad you're okay. I worry about you so much. I hate that I'm all the way in Chicago."

"Mom, it's alright. Really. I've got things under control. Nothing happened," I assured her.

"Are you hurt or sick? Did the medics have a look at you?"

"Yeah. I got a cut on my arm. No big deal. I didn't need stitches or anything but it'll leave a scar for sure."

"What about those anti-scar medications? Did they not prescribe you any? If not, I'll have Carlisle pick some up from the hospital. I can send them to yo—"

"Mom, I'm fine. I don't need any medication. Besides I kind of like the fact I'll have a physical reminder of last night," I grinned.

"Edward Anthony that's not funny," she scolded.

Even though we were over a thousand miles apart she could still tell I was smiling. She was my Mom. She knew things like that. I laughed and she sighed.

"What are you doing right now? Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?" she wondered.

"Nah, Charlie gave me until about 10-ish to head in. He said—and I quote—that I looked like shit," I laughed.

"Language, Edward."

"Oh give me a break, Mom. I'm 31-years-old."

"And I'm your mother," she retorted.

I sighed. She knew I had given in.

"I meant to call you last week. I wanted to know how Alice and Jasper are doing with the wedding. And I wanted to know how Japan was."

"Your brother is fine. Alice is busy as ever. You know how she gets when it comes to events. She is determined to have the most amazing wedding in Chicago history," she laughed lightly.

She was right. Alice was a firecracker.

Every birthday party she had ever planned for Jasper had been incredible. Even Thanksgivings and Christmases were great if Alice planned them. I could only imagine what this wedding would be like. Jasper was a member of Chicago's social elite. He was a widely known psychologist and Alice was a designer. She wasn't world-renowned or anything but anybody who lived in Chicago knew who she was. Her father was a pharmaceutics tycoon and her mother was a hot housewife.

Jasper had gotten lucky with Alice. She was smart, fun, and adorable. And if she turned out to be anything like her mother when they got older, Jasper was certainly going to keep his libido going well into his senior citizen years. Mrs. Brandon was a MILF for sure.

"Jasper is busy as well. He's trying to make sure his patients are well-taken care of before he goes off with Alice for the honeymoon. I almost forgot to tell you. They decided to go to Australia. They've already been to Europe and visited all the island getaways. They'll be gone for a month," she sighed.

"Depressed you won't have anyone to dote upon, besides Carlisle, while they're gone?" I chuckled

"I wouldn't be if my baby boy would come and visit his Momma," she sounded way too enthusiastic.

"Sorry, Mom. I can't. Taking off from work for the wedding itself will be a pain in the as—I mean rear," I sighed.

I heard her chuckle on the other end.

"It's okay, dear. I'll get you back to Chicago soon enough."

"You try that Mom," I laughed.

"Japan was fine by the way. We didn't stay for as long as I would have liked but I enjoyed myself. I got to practice some of my Japanese. The food was incredible as well. Very exotic."

"Since when do you speak Japanese?" I wondered.

"Since I started talking classes four months ago. You would have known had you called your Mom more often," I could tell she was smiling.

"Sorry. I didn't realize it had been so long since we'd spoken. It's been a month, right?" I cringed.

"Yes," she spoke softly.

"I promise to call more often."

"I hope so."

I let out a heavy breath and decided to change the subject.

"How's Carlisle?"

"He's fine. He asks about you all the time. He and Jasper miss you a lot, as does Alice. He's got his hands tied with some business regarding the hospital's foundation. I think things may get a little quieter in about two weeks or so. If the deal doesn't go through then he'll just let it go and move on. He asked me last night if you were seeing anyone."

I internally groaned. I should have figured this would come up soon. She asked the same thing every time we spoke. And I had a feeling it was more of her curiosity than Carlisle's. Carlisle was curious but at the same time he knew me well enough not to press. Unless I mentioned someone there was really no point in asking.

"Um…I guess sort off," I mumbled.

"What do you mean sort of?" she perked up.

"Well, Vanessa and I are _trying_," I chose my words carefully.

"Trying what exactly?" she sounded wary.

"Not like that, Mom," I laughed.

"Edward Anthony, thank goodness! I don't think my little heart could handle the news of you being a father right now."

"Why? Do you think I'll be a bad father?" I joked.

"No. I just think you're too young. Vanessa sounds alright but if you have children you should be married and make sure that person is the one," she spoke firmly.

I wanted to make a smartass comment about how marriage doesn't guarantee anything but I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Granted, she'd gotten over my father's departure years ago it was still rude. No need to keep digging salt into the same wound.

"Yes, Mother," my voice was dripping with sarcasm.

I laughed until I noticed how quiet the other line was.

"Mom?"

"Edward, have you considered what we talked about last time?" her voice was barely a whisper.

I paused. I abruptly remembered why it had been a month since we'd last spoken. My mother was insistent that therapy might help me deal with the memory of my father. According to her, she hadn't even realized how many issues she was harboring until she went to therapy. She claimed she felt better after it and finally felt like she had closure. She could move on with her life and accept that her life with Carlisle was her destiny now.

She could trust herself to love him completely and trust him to do the same for her. My stomach suddenly felt like someone had a key and was twisting and turning my insides. I hated the thought of therapy. They were my problems. How could someone who had a stupid fucking diploma and no life experience help me? She knew I hated it when she brought it up. Hell, I hated it when Jasper would study me. He thought I was unaware of his analytical eye.

"Mom, please," I begged.

"Edward, I just think you should at least go to _one_ session. It won't kill you," she insisted.

"I'm too busy," I lied.

"That's bull and you know it Edward Anthony," her tone was now stern and maternal.

"Fine, I'm not too busy; however, I _am_ not interested. I've got my own issues but I can guarantee you they have nothing to do with _him_," I growled.

"That tone in your voice says otherwise," she retorted.

"Mom, please don't ruin this. We were doing fine."

She sighed.

"Fine, Edward. I should be going anyway. I've got to go to lunch with Caroline."

I immediately smiled and laughed to myself. I had _just_ been thinking about nice Mrs. Caroline Brandon.

"Tell her I said hi," I smirked.

"Edward, really," my mother sounded un-amused.

I laughed.

"I love you Edward. Please take care of yourself," she pleaded.

"Love you too, Mom. Tell everyone I said hi and I miss them."

"I will. Bye sweetie!"

"Bye."

As I flipped my phone shut I immediately felt lighter. Sure I was annoyed she'd brought up therapy again but it was nice to hear about normal stuff. Sometimes I got so caught up with my own shit and disasters that it was nice to retreat to the idyllic lifestyle my family was leading. They were all caught up with normal jobs, their love lives, Jasper and Alice's wedding. Sometimes I wished my life was that normal and trivial.

And other times I was perfectly content with sticking to what I knew. That was part of the reason why I continued to stay in Seattle. It was a form of isolation. I never fit into Carlisle and Esme's brunches, lunches, dinner parties, and galas lifestyle. My mom had fit in perfectly with Carlisle. Me, on the other hand, I was perfect at quick trips to Chicago and sticking to the family.

Actually, as hot as Caroline Brandon was I hadn't spent more than two or three dinners with her. I was the bad seed and she knew it. I actually liked making a show of it. Seeing how flustered she'd get by my foul mouth and lack of manners was _highly_ entertaining. I knew women better than they knew themselves. And she was _definitely_ into it.

I think a part of her liked that I was trouble but she was smart enough to realize she should stay away and avoid me at all costs. I chuckled to myself as I contemplated all the ways I would get Caroline Brandon's libido working. Just pressing her against a wall, and saying the word 'fuck,' was sure to contribute to her instantaneous undoing.

I put some toast in the toaster and made some coffee. I started to drink it black when I joined the force. It was a bad habit I'd picked up from my fellow officers. Esme constantly scolded me about it but as if I would ever listen to her. I grabbed my 'breakfast' and sat in the dining room. It was uncharacteristically sunny. I wondered if maybe I should take that as a bad omen.

At around 7:45 I left for the gym and worked until about 9:30. I got dressed in a S.W.A.T. Fleece sweatshirt and jeans. No one would give me shit about my wardrobe today. I fucking deserved a medal not an ass-chewing for some denim.

As I strolled into the office I got a lot of nods, and hello's. The secretaries were eying me more than usual and I, of course, showered them with smiles and winks. I was no more than two feet from my office when I heard _that_ voice.

"So is that your morning routine every day? I'll definitely have to be here early to catch that," she chuckled from behind me.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I closed my eyes. Her voice was different this morning. It was more annoying than it had been the other day. I turned around slowly and waited. My tongue was pressed into my cheek.

"Well, good morning to you too Lieutenant," she winked and strolled over to me.

I nodded curtly, turned around, and unlocked my office. I stepped inside and when I turned around she was waiting expectantly outside the doorframe. I decided to have a little fun with her since she was acting so smug, so I slammed the door shut in her face.

I laughed heartily and sat down at my desk. I wasn't the least bit surprised when she opened the door and strolled in. She took Emmett's chair and I stifled a laugh. He knew I was here. It was only a matter of time until he came bursting in here and saw _her_ in _his_ chair.

"So what the hell do you want this morning? Why are you even on my floor?" I started.

If she had information I wanted then she needed to open her damn mouth already.

"Charlie was busy so I came down to talk to Officer Valence," she grinned superficially.

"How the hell do you know Valence?" I was jogging my brain, trying to think how they would know each other.

"We've met before," she winked conspiratorially.

I rolled my eyes and turned my computer on. I had forgotten about their little meeting on the elevator.

"I assume there's a reason why you're here," I pressed while I stared at the log-in page.

"Don't bother with the pretenses Masen. Charlie already told me you know full well why I'm here," she replied while I tapped away at the keys.

I sighed and unlocked my desk. _She wanted to play around…well good._ She was about to get burned for the second time in a week. I went into one of the drawers and took out a folder. I placed it on the desk and looked at her.

"You see this file. Would you like to know what it is?" I asked.

She nodded and leaned forward. I opened the file to show her it was empty, aside from her name on the tab.

"It's our file on _you_. Do you see those filing cabinets over there?" I pointed to the corner.

She glanced over her shoulder, nodded, and then faced me again.

"That's everything on Fiori. As long you plan to contribute to those files…this one," I pointed to hers.

"…will stay empty," I continued.

She gaped at me. I wasn't fucking around with anyone anymore where Fiori was concerned. I hadn't been exaggerating when I said it was personal. And Isabella danced around too much. I didn't want to do it but if she needed to get stepped on so I could get this guy behind bars so be it. I wasn't going to tolerate her games anymore. Either she was going to help me or she was going to be immature and bitch at me.

Arguing with her was no longer a priority. She finally composed herself when she realized how serious I looked. She nodded and closed her file. She pushed it back towards me and looked down at her lap. I wanted to sigh. I felt like an ass for upsetting her but I couldn't deal with the games anymore. If I was being completely honest, she needed to man up and this was just one way to show her.

What she was getting herself into was dangerous. The faint-hearted would be eaten alive. I was putting her folder away when Emmett burst through the door. His dimples were in place until he saw her. I wanted to laugh when I noticed how quickly his smile disappeared.

"Emmett, this is Isabella Woods," I gestured towards her.

"You're in my seat," he playfully glared at her.

I chuckled quietly when she scrambled into the seat next to his. He took his seat with a wide grin and turned towards her. He left his hand out.

"I'm Emmett McCarty," he smiled at her.

She shook his hand timidly and smiled a small smile.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry I was in your seat," she ducked her head.

I watched her carefully. I'd never seen this side of her, reserved, and shy. It suited her better than the man-eater side I'd gotten from her so much lately. I barely even paid attention to Emmett. I watched her while she giggled, smiled, blushed, glanced at me, bit her lip, all of it. It was fascinating.

"So are you single Sergeant McCarty?" I finally began to listen to them.

I turned to face my computer. I didn't want to even think about why she was asking. She had a boyfriend. I started to read the online newspapers about the blast while I listened to their conversation. I pulled out my reading glasses and put them on. I really didn't need them since my vision was perfectly fine but it helped me when I spent long hours in front of a computer screen.

"No. Sorry, Iz. I'm not. Would you like to see a picture of my girl?" he asked her.

Iz? What the hell kind of nickname was that? I vaguely heard Emmett shift in his seat and fumble with his wallet. I knew exactly where his picture of Rosalie was. He took it out every chance he got. I made fun of him for it relentlessly. And he made fun of me in return for knowing where it was too.

"Wow, she's beautiful," I heard Isabella gasp.

"I know. She's a looker _and_ a keeper," Emmett chuckled.

"Are you two engaged?" she wondered.

I laughed. _Yeah, Emmett getting married…._I turned to look at the two and they were both glaring at me. _What the hell?_ Emmett was supposed to be _my_ best friend. He was getting corrupted by that cheeky brunette. I rolled my eyes and went back to the next article.

"Is he always this unpleasant?" she sneered.

"No, he's just sexually frustrated because Vanessa's been gone for nearly a week and he hasn't gotten any play. He's going cold turkey and committing to one girl," Emmett whispered dramatically.

It was quite obvious he was trying to be anything but quiet. He wanted me to hear what he was saying. I wanted to castrate him for suggesting that I, Edward Masen, was ever going cold turkey. The honest truth was Vanessa and I were _trying_. It wasn't breaking any rules if I went out and hooked up with another girl. And more importantly I had been too caught up with work to even think about how lonely my dick had been for the last week.

"Fuck you, Emmett. I'm not sexually frustrated," I snapped.

"Oh but Edward, my boy, your attitude is saying otherwise. Actions speak louder than words buddy," he winked at me.

I flipped him off and found my place in my article again. I had read the same damn line about seven times already. These two were fucking Moe and Curly.

"Who's Vanessa?" Isabella spoke.

It was painfully obvious she was asking me and not Emmett. I looked over my shoulder at her.

"A girl."

I was about to turn around when she spoke again.

"You mean that girl you kissed in the lobby last week?"

I circled around in my chair to face her. How did she know that? I was practically certain she had left as soon as I'd pissed her off last Tuesday. I was suddenly very self-conscience, about her seeing me kiss another person. A weaker part of me wanted her to think I was single.

"How the hell do you know that?"

"I was waiting for Jacob in the lobby and I saw you two. She's very pretty," she looked down at her lap.

Was _she_ self-conscience? One side of me wanted to laugh at her for showing her vulnerability. The other, wanted me to tell her that I thought she was pretty fucking hot herself. Vanessa was gorgeous in an obvious sense, whereas Isabella was gorgeous in a wholesome, girl-next-door-that-probably-swears-while-she-fucks sort of way. It was more of an alluring attraction. With Vanessa you couldn't help but be attracted to her. It was unnatural not to be.

I shrugged and glossed over the observation.

"How's the douche-bag-of-a-boyfriend doing these days?" I smirked and turned back around.

I heard her growl. I laughed lightly. I was glad she was getting over the shy shit. Yeah it might suit her but I knew her well enough by now to realize it didn't last very long. All I had to do was push the right buttons and the claws came out. As much as I hated that mouth of hers it was highly entertaining to piss her off. Besides when she got all shy and sweet it threw me off. At least with the sarcasm and bitchiness I was prepared for it.

"Jacob is fine. He's working today," I heard her reply.

"What does he do?" Emmett asked.

_Fuck, Emmett! I don't care what he does! Why ask?!_

"He's a mechanic. He works for a Bentley/Rolls Royce dealership."

"Niceeee," I heard Emmett give her a high-five.

_A high-five? What? Were we in the fourth grade?_

"My Rosie is a car fanatic. She's at U-Dub. She's in their mechanical engineering program," he explained.

"Wow, that's impressive. It's nice to see girls breaking into male-dominated fields," she sounded awed.

I wanted to throw up in my mouth. 'It's nice to see girls breaking into male-dominated fields?' _What the fuck?_ I was immediately concerned that Isabella was a Feminazi. That would kill whatever attraction I had to her for sure. I had to assume she wasn't if she actually volunteered to stick around me for at least another month. I mean I was the antithesis to that philosophy.

"So what do you do Iz when you're not making the SPD look bad?" Emmett chuckled.

That wasn't funny. She _did_ always make our department look bad.

"Well, I love to read. And I've been known to be a pretty good cook," she giggled.

I rolled my eyes and stared at the picture of the remains of Fiori's warehouse. I have given up on reading. I was getting too distracted.

"Jacob and I love comics," she giggled again.

It sounded like she was embarrassed. And she should be. She sounded like she was doing a commercial.

"Oh, really? Who's your favorite?" Emmett engaged her.

Didn't he have shit to be doing? I really didn't want to hear about how much she and Jacob loved comic books.

"I love Wonder Woman," she admitted.

I glanced over my shoulder and gave her a look. Wonder Woman? Was she kidding? Wonder Woman was _not_ a superhero. Even the Green Lantern had more street cred than fucking Wonder Woman. Her eyes stayed locked on me and she continued speaking to Emmett.

"She's my favorite. She can keep up with the rest of the guys but still manage to be sexy," she turned to Emmett as she finished.

"I think Wonder Woman is hot! Linda Carter! Whooo! She was a hottie," Emmett laughed.

Someone knocked on our door and I shouted out.

"Yeah?"

Valence popped his head in. My face fell. He grinned like a little boy and shut the door behind him.

"What do you want Valence?" I turned in my seat to face the three of them.

Valence was now standing behind Isabella and Emmett.

"I finished all my paperwork and reports for the explosion. I cleaned my weapons, my locker, and my tidied up my gear. I just wanted to see what you guys were up to," he grinned.

My head fell back against my chair and I sighed. What? Did I miss the memo that there was going to be a fucking party in my office?

"Oh, hey Iz. I wanted to personally say thank you for tipping the Lieutenant off about the warehouse," Emmett smiled at her.

She looked at him in shock. My fucking jaw dropped. I looked at her with wide eyes. I had told Emmett that in confidence. I didn't expect him to go blab right in front of Valence—not that Jay couldn't be trusted, but still. The less people that knew about her involvement, source, and the fact she tipped me off…the better.

She glanced at me from the corner of her eye. I looked at Valence. He was still smiling at her. I'd bet money he wasn't even listening to us. He was too busy staring at Isabella and that shit bothered me. She nodded quickly and gulped. She stared out my window and avoided making eye contact with me.

"Emmett, Valence….Why don't you give Isabella and I a moment?" I asked

Emmett looked at me confusedly. I gave him a look that said 'I'll tell you later' as he walked out. Valence looked totally defeated. I wanted to roll my eyes at his immaturity. They shut the door behind them and I closed my blinds. She was still staring out the window. I walked over to her and kneeled in front of her. She had to look at me now.

"Isabella, I'm sorry. I didn't expect Emmett to say that. Honestly, he _can_ be trusted. So can Jay. I don't want you to worry."

Why was I explaining myself? Why did I care if she was worried or not?

"Edward, you have to understand how dangerous this is for me. I didn't expect to be here after I found out I'd be interviewing you. And now look at me. I'm about to be an informant. So much has changed in less than a week," her voice cracked.

Her eyes were still dry and devoid of any tears. I could still relax. I didn't know what to do when girls cried. I was out of my league for that one.

"I know. I'm sorry. I promise you can trust me."

"I do," she sounded confused.

I narrowed my eyes and analyzed her expression.

"I don't know why but I trust you. It goes against my better instincts but ironically my instincts _are_ how I can trust you. Just please don't let anything happen to me. I've managed all these years to stay under the radar and now I've put a big bull's-eye on my back," she swallowed.

"Nothing will happen to you. Charlie's seen to it that it's my responsibility. I promise when you tell me stuff it'll just be between you and me," my hand reached out to touch hers but I pulled it away before she could notice.

She nodded and sighed. Her minty breath blew across my face and I nearly lost it. It was like letting an alcohol smell beer. My mind immediately went crazy. I backed away deliberately and sat down at my desk.

"Is there anything you have for us today? I don't want to keep you here all day if you have other things to do," I stared at my desk calendar.

"No. I mostly just wanted to make sure you and the guys were alright after Sunday morning. I'm really glad you got out in time. Can I ask what happened?" she spoke quietly.

I shook my head.

"It's classified for now. Just know that you kept me on my toes. I never had a chance to say thank you…so thanks," I smiled weakly.

She smiled in response and grabbed her bag.

"Next time I have something for you, I'll stop by," she walked over to the door.

"It was nice seeing you again, Edward," she smiled a small smile and left.

My head fell against the back of my chair. What the hell was I getting myself into? I could barely keep _myself _safe at times. I had to manage her safety on top of it? I groaned. This was going to be harder than I could ever imagine. She was right. She had a bright bull's-eye on her back. And part of it was that she was a woman. They could do even more torturous things to her than they would ever do to us.

At least with us they'd blow us up, shoot us, beat us, _something_. With her, I didn't even want to imagine the things Fiori might do to her if he found her. My dream from this morning came back to me. Fiori had his hands all over her and she was wearing that tiny little dress. The only difference was that this time she looked panicked instead of dangerous. She looked straight at me again and whispered "Help Me."

* * *

That was some intensity...

Reviews help me to understand your thoughts better so go ahead and the new and improved review button, lol!


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for the wait between updates. This chapter turned out a little different than I had expected. I hope you enjoy it. I meant to say this last chapter but to the readers who added me to their c2 - thank you.

Song for this chapter: Feels Like the End by Shane Alexander (you probably won't find it on YouTube so if you visit the link to my MySpace on my FF profile it'll be there). I suggest you listen to it at the end of the chapter.

* * *

Isabella hadn't been gone for even twenty minutes when my phone rang.

"Lieutenant-Detective Masen," I answered.

"Masen, it's Charlie."

"Hello, sir. I was going to head up to your office later on today. Any news since yesterday?"

"We've made no progress in finding out who committed the crime. Fiori is pretending to be shocked by the blast. He actually had the audacity to blame it on us. He's trying to make it seem as though we were behind the explosion," Charlie laughed without humor.

"I see. Has the department issued a statement yet?"

"We issued a press statement to the paper and on our website but I think you should do a statement on TV," he suggested.

"When?" I groaned.

Charlie chuckled.

"I know. I hate them too but it's important for the people to know what's been going on. I was thinking this afternoon. I'll send the public relations coordinator to your office before lunch."

"How can you hate them? Not for nothing Charlie but you're the fucking commissioner. You do this shit every week," I laughed.

"It's just a part of the job I guess. Listen Isabella isn't with you is she?"

"No. Why?"

"Just curious. Did she leave or something?"

"About twenty minutes ago," I responded.

He sighed.

"Did everything go alright?"

"Yeah, we kissed and made up," I half-laughed.

He was silent. _Weird._

"I wanted to say thank you Masen. I know she'll be in good hands."

Now, I was the one sighing.

"Charlie, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean the stakes have just been raised and she's only a woman. She's got enough people out to get her. I'm worried," I admitted.

"We need her more than ever now. I know if she works with us we'll be able to nail Peter Herman and Fiori by January," he predicted.

"That soon?"

"Of course. She's got a great source whoever he or she is."

"You really trust her? I mean you've only met her a few times and done a few interviews."

"Lieutenant, trust me. I know her a lot better than you'd think."

Pshh. I didn't even want to think about the implications of that statement.

"Alright, I better work on what I'm going to say at this fucking press junket shit. Send Teri down, okay? I like her," I chuckled.

"I'll bet you do."

I hung up and leaned back in my chair. Teri Handler. Now that was a fine piece of ass. She was smart and hot as hell. The only problem…she wasn't into guys.

I sat at my desk and tried to work on my press statement. I was stuck on what I should say and what at this point needed to stay classified. We had a basic policy as to what was acceptable or not but I felt like I needed to give a warning. Young men in Seattle needed to open their eyes and see the reality of the city we were living in. Seattle was making a run for Crime Capitol of the United States.

And what did that mean for me? For my job? Was that a sign that I wasn't doing as hot as I thought I was? My city was becoming tarnished by mobsters, drugs, and murder. I abruptly understood why Isabella held such contempt for our police department and the people who ran this city. How could we let it get this far? I was suddenly compelled to make sure I stopped the downfall of the city I loved so much.

An hour later I stopped by Emmett's office for a quick chat on what we're allowed to say in front of officers regarding Isabella Woods. If I confided in Emmett about anything that related to her he was going to have to be more conscious of whom he spoke in front of. Her case was very delicate. We needed to take any and all precautions. After I was through with Emmett I stopped by the employee bathroom.

One quick glance in the mirror told me I looked like shit. I took my glasses off and rubbed my eyes. I had been well-rested this morning but for some reason knowing that I had to do a press conference and seeing Isabella had tired me out. I scratched at my jaw line. I had a dark shadow forming from stubble.

I wondered if I should shave before the press conference or not. Maybe if I opted not to it would show how much time we'd put into working on the Fiori case. I could gain a little sympathy and that never hurt our case. I'd have to ask Teri about it. I went back to my office to find Teri waiting outside.

"Hey, Teri," I smiled.

"Drop it, Edward. It doesn't matter how good looking you are it doesn't do anything for me," she ruffled my hair.

I opened the door and she strolled in. I got a good view of her tight little ass which was currently squeezed into a pencil skirt. She caught me staring at her and rolled my eyes. I blew her a kiss and sat at my desk.

"What's with the hair?" she played absentmindedly with my paper weight.

"What's wrong with my hair?" I frowned.

"It looks like shit. You need a haircut. And since when did you decide to grow a beard? You're only 31-years-old, Edward. If you stay clean shaven you can at least pass for 28," she grinned.

"Good to know," I murmured.

"So do you have anything for me? I'd like to tell you what shit your statement is already," she laughed.

I slipped it across the desk and propped my legs up on the corner. Teri liked to read my statement's back to me. It was her little way of showing me what a moron I was in comparison to her. Or at least that was the point of it. In reality I wrote great statements.

I'd actually even gotten her to admit it once that I was the best officer at speaking and writing statements in the department. She read my statement to me and took out her offensive little red pen. I rolled my eyes and read through my text messages. I liked to save good jokes from my coworkers or those sweet ones Alice always sent.

"Looks good, Edward. I'm impressed. What exactly happened last night though? Charlie wants me to do question and answers afterward. I need to be well-versed."

"Didn't you read through the transcripts or depositions?" I wondered.

"Yes but I would like to know through your point-of-view. As a friend," she spoke quietly.

I regaled her with the heroic tale of yesterday morning's explosion. She didn't exactly look shocked but I could tell she breathed a sigh of relief that we'd made it out safely. As much as Teri and I liked to bother each other that didn't mean she'd be grinning at my imminent death. She knew every time she saw me it might be the last. And as terrifying as it should be, we all accepted that that was our reality.

There were never any certainties for us. Sometimes I wondered if that was another reason as to why I avoided relationships. It wasn't the equivalent to leaving the supposed love of your life with an eight-year-old son but it was still unfair.

"So should I shave or something?"I inquired.

"Nah, I think the women of Seattle will be more sympathetic to a man with stubble that fights crime," she laughed lightly.

We decided to head down to the press room early. Teri prepped me on what I should say and what questions I should avoid. She gave me the go-to answers for when I was faced with an uncomfortable question. I was a natural public speaker and apparently very charismatic so she wasn't too worried about it despite that fact it'd be my first time on TV.

I sighed and took a deep breath before I waited to go out on stage. I took a sip of water and wiggled my fingers. It was a normal tendency to be slightly anxious. I stepped onto the stage and waited while Teri spoke. She announced me and a vast array of flashes and clicks went off. It was my first publicized appearance.

I heard a few gasps and I smirked. I stepped up to the podium and gave a small smile.

"Good afternoon, I'm Lieutenant-Detective Edward Masen of the Seattle Police Department's S.W.A.T. unit. Thank you for coming," I began.

My eyes searched over the crowd of reporters. It was overwhelming to see so many people.

"Early yesterday morning the Seattle Police Department's S.W.A.T. unit infiltrated the Keller Docks at Seattle Harbor. The dock in question—number 16—is owned by one Daniel 'Danny' Fiori. At approximately oh-five-hundred Dock 16—which houses the Daniel Fiori Enterprises Warehouse—suffered a massive explosion that left little to the structure. Current reports state that the northwest and northeast corridors of the warehouse are in complete ruins. Fire and water damage took out a greater portion of the southwest corridor as well. Forensic analysts have discovered a bomb was implanted in the northeast corridor in an office was formerly occupied by, accountant for Daniel Fiori Enterprises, John 'Jack' Tenorio. At this time we have no leads as to the motives behind the explosion. Thank you," I waited.

A tidal wave of incoherent shouts and yells resounded. I could barely pick out a question. Teri sensed my distress and came over. She was much better at picking out questions; especially since she usually stuck to reporters she could trust.

"Yes sir," she pointed to an older man.

"Lieutenant is it true that your team barely made it out on time?" his eyebrows scrunched together in concern.

I glanced at Teri. She nodded slightly.

"Uh, yes sir it is. We sensed something was wrong so we left before things got dangerous," I replied.

Teri took another reporter.

"Danny Fiori is making claims that your team was responsible for the explosion. What do you have to say?" a chubby redhead asked.

"At this time I can guarantee you all reports of that nature are completely false," I answered.

Teri took a few more questions while I continued to look through the crowd. A few of the reporters I recognized from TV. A few seemed like interns. I was checking out a petite blonde when she caught my eye.

Her head was slightly tilted down, making her eyebrows even more arched than they typically were and she was looking at me through her lashes. She seemed to me chewing on the inside of her cheek since her lips were slightly pursed and her cheeks were sucked in. My breath caught and I froze. Her eyes were locked with mine and she mouthed something to me.

"Answer the question," her full lips moved completely which led me to believe she was probably whispering from way across the room.

I shook my head and looked at Teri. She was looking at me confusedly.

"Lieutenant this reporter would like to know if it's okay to ask some personal questions," Teri repeated slowly as if I were mentally retarded.

"Uh, yeah," I tried to focus.

"So Lieutenant are you seeing anyone?" the unattractive faux-blonde asked me.

I laughed. As if I would ever get anywhere near her.

"No," I spoke.

It was kind of lie but it kind of wasn't. I stole a glance at _her_ and a devilish little smirk was playing on her lips. She wasn't buying it.

"How long have you been working for the department?" another man asked.

"About 10 years. I joined the force pretty much right after I graduated from UW."

"Okay. I think that's all the questions we have time for today," Teri smiled.

The reporters began to flash their cameras again as I made my way off the stage. I tried looking over the crowd. She was still there. Her arms were folded over her chest and that glint of danger and lust was still in her eyes. _Wait, lust? _I looked over to the corner she was hiding in again but her back was turned to me. She looked like she was leaving. I met Teri in the hallway and she congratulated me.

"What was that? You spaced out for a minute," she chuckled.

"Sorry, I just got a little distracted."

"It's alright. It was only for a second," she explained.

_Really? _It felt like I was staring at her for an eternity. How else could I take in all of her features so attentively?

"I think the rest of the reporters just assumed you got a little overwhelmed for a second. Look, I better go see Charlie. I'll see you around, Edward," she kissed my cheek.

"Bye, Teri," I winked.

The next six hours I drowned in case files and everything and anything that related to Fiori. I had even made a visit to the coroner's office to inspect the body of that young boy Fiori had killed. Apparently his name was Dylan Humphrey. His body was going to be released tomorrow to his parents for proper burial.

I glanced outside my office window and watched the skyline. It was like a sea of lights. I idly wondered what I'd be doing for the holidays. Would I stay in Seattle and avoid the banal family/couple-oriented activities I'm sure I'd have to endure for at least a weekend? Or would I go and make Alice and Esme happy?

I sighed. It fucking sucked to be me sometimes. I decided to call it quits around 8 o'clock and head home. I think a small part of me was trying to avoid Vanessa's imminent arrival.

As I pulled up to my apartment building a frown fell upon my face. The light in my apartment was on, which could only mean one thing: Vanessa was back. I sighed as I parked the car. I briefly considered going back to office and sleeping on the couch in Emmett's office. I was avoiding her for reasons that I couldn't figure out.

Was it because of my decision? Was it because I wasn't the same person she'd left last week? Was it because I had this disconcerting and inexplicable draw to another woman? It didn't matter what the reason was. I'd have to see her at some point and face the music. Why not make my life easier and get it over with?

I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. I was suddenly suffering from an intense migraine. My cell phone went off and I groaned. It was probably her calling. I looked at the I.D. and was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be Jasper instead. I mentally thanked however was up there in the clouds, saving me from Vanessa.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Edward."

"Hey Jazz," I actually smiled.

"Mom told me you called today," he sounded cheerful.

I chuckled to myself. Of course she told him.

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"She misses you, Edward. We all do."

"Save the sweet shit for Alice, Jasper," I laughed.

"Nice, Edward. It's great to see that some things haven't changed," he chuckled.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," I mumbled.

"What does that mean?"

_Shit, he heard me?_ I sighed. Jasper had always been too damn perceptive. And more often than I liked to admit he was right about stuff. I paused for a moment and considered my options. Should I tell him about this week? Should I tell him about Isabella? What was there to tell? She wasn't _that_ important.

"I don't know. It's just been…things sort of…_changed_," I stumbled, trying to figure out what was the best explanation.

"Did something happen?" he wondered.

I immediately noticed the change in his tone. He was _very_ interested.

"Yeah, kind of. I mean I'm sure you know about the blast but it's more than that…"

Jasper waited. He wasn't the type to shower you with "mhm's" and "yes's" just to make you feel as though you were being listened to.

"And then, well I met someone this week," I practically whispered.

"Who?"

"This girl….This girl that I should _hate_ but I can't."

"Why is it so impossible for you?"

"I don't know. It's so…_strange_."

"This isn't that Vanessa-girl Mom mentioned, is it?" he figured me out.

"No," I whispered.

He sighed.

"Edward this could be bad. You already sound way more interested in her than you should be for someone who's apparently in a relationship," he warned.

"Shit, Jasper. I know! I don't _want_ to feel this way. Fuck, I don't even know _how_ I feel in the first place. It's just that she'll do things and it just throws me off. She's not like any other girl I've ever met—"

"Edward, stop. I know you. That's probably the issue right there. She's different and you're intrigued by that but the fact of the matter is _you're in a relationship_!"

"So is she," I added.

He laughed without humor.

"Even more reason to stay away."

"I want to! I don't want to like her or hate her or whatever I feel for her but I can't help it. I'm not saying I plan on doing anything about it. I'm just frustrated. I need help. You're a fucking psychologist…help me! Tell me how to stop being affected by her."

"It's not that easy. I don't even know the girl."

"Thank for the help, Jazz," I muttered in a sour tone.

"Look it's obviously a problem. Maybe this is finally fate's way of telling you to face it and man up. The fact of the matter is—whether you hate hearing this or not—is that you have tendency to avoid your problems. Maybe this one isn't going to go away easily like the others. Maybe this one is the one that will change everything."

"I don't want change! I liked my life before she showed up."

"That's bullshit and you know it, Edward. Maybe you were pleased with life and maybe you even _did_ like your life at times but you can't honestly tell me you were truly satisfied with it. You can't honestly tell me you spent time with Mom and Dad or Alice and I and didn't feel lonely or as though you had some deep void in your life. You cannot tell me that if you were to die tomorrow you'd know your life had a little bit of meaning to it. You don't find validation through your job or through how amazing you are at sex, Edward."

"That's not true. Plenty of people never marry or find their significant other and are completely content with what they made for themselves. They find validation through ways other than _love_, Jasper."

He laughed again.

"It's funny you should mention me being a psychologist earlier, Edward. Because I can guarantee you that you're not one of those people. If you were to pull your head from your ass and open your eyes you'd be able to see the signs. And who knows maybe that's happening right now. Maybe this mystery girl is your sign. Living as a bachelor in Seattle is not your destiny, Edward. I can promise you that."

I rolled my eyes. Jasper was such a know-it-all. And like I said earlier…he was too perceptive. He was probably spot-on and that pissed me off to no end. Things weren't supposed to happen like this.

I was supposed to try and date Vanessa. I was supposed to eventually fall for her and find myself living life just the same as everyone else. With a wedding, kids, arguments, mid-life crises, retirement etc. I wasn't supposed to have my life turned upside down by someone I should hate and less than a week ago I _did_. I wasn't supposed to have my life turned upside down by a girl who was in a happy relationship of her own and had more secrets than I could ever imagine.

I didn't know shit about her but I wanted to know everything. This was the wrong time for me to be having an emotional meltdown. This was the wrong time for me to suddenly discover my conscience and emotions. I had a job to do and it included _her_.

"Are you still there, Edward?" Jasper's voice was softer.

"Yeah," I replied.

"I'm sorry. I know that's probably not what you want to hear but it's the truth. You're my brother. I'm going to be blunt because I care about you. I'm tired of you being alone and dissatisfied with life. Despite your mistakes, you're a great person and you deserve happiness more than anyone I know."

"Thanks, Jasper," I whispered.

"Look, I didn't call to lecture you. I wanted to ask if you'd be my best man," he sighed.

I froze. We were having a much different conversation than the one he had the intention of having. I wanted to apologize now. Here he was asking me the greatest honor and I was being a selfish, whiny, dick.

"Of course, Jasper. Are you sure though? I mean I know you have a lot of good friends."

"Edward, you're my brother and my best friend. You've been there for me more than any of my friends. Alice loves you and I really can't think of anyone more appropriate. You and your mother have made this family what it is. Dad and I would be lost without you."

_God, Jasper. Nice way to make me feel like less of a man._ I was actually _touched_ by what he was saying.

"Thanks, I couldn't have said it better myself. You and Carlisle really helped Mom after everything we went through. I wasn't always there or the best son but you two were always there for her. I don't think she would have survived if it were just me and her."

"Thanks, Edward. The wedding is Valentine's Day so make sure you take off for it as soon as they start preparing vacation time for next year at your job."

"It's Valentines' Day?" I wondered.

"Yeah, why?" he asked confusedly.

"Well, nothing. It was just that Mom said you were busy making sure your clients were well taken care of while you were gone. Isn't it a little early for that?"

"Hardly, I manage the mental health of hundreds of patients, Edward. I'm trying to get them placed with responsible doctors while I'm gone. It's harder than you would expect. I'd never be able to get it done if I started a month before. I know things will get more hectic the sooner the wedding rolls around and I need to have this off my mind."

"Jazz?"

"Yeah?"

"I know this is gonna sound lame but how are you so _calm_ about getting married? I mean honestly. You sound like you're just going in for a routine oil-change or something."

He laughed loudly.

"Really? I didn't realize I sounded so cavalier. I better work on that. If Alice thinks I'm not excited for the wedding, heads will roll," he laughed.

I chuckled and glanced at my watch. It had been ten minutes. I wondered when Vanessa would start blowing up my phone.

"Honestly, I think the reason why I can be so cool about it is because it's been such a longtime coming. I mean Alice and I have been together for nearly six years. We've been through everything together. Besides I think even on our first date I knew she was the one."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I can't even completely explain why. I just knew."

"I'm happy for you, Jasper. I don't think I say that enough. Alice really is great."

"Thanks."

"Look, I better go. Vanessa is upstairs waiting for me. She just came back from a trip and I'm afraid if I don't show up soon she might send the FBI out for me," I laughed.

"Alright, it was great talking to you Edward. You don't call enough. You should call more often."

"I'll try, especially if things start to get more…_complicated_."

"Good."

"Tell Alice I said hi."

"I will. Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Jasper."

I flipped my phone shut and got out the car. I had almost forgotten about the chill in the air. It was getting closer and closer to October. It would be October first on Wednesday. I grabbed the elevator and found myself outside the apartment door. I closed my eyes and mentally prepared myself for whatever might be behind the door.

I slipped my key into the lock and opened the door. Most of the lights were on in the apartment but Vanessa wasn't in plain sight. I closed the door and followed the sound of faint music. I walked into the kitchen and Vanessa had her back to me. She was in a simple pair of jeans and one of my work t-shirts. Her dark hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her neck and her butterfly tattoo was visible.

I watched her as she cooked and found myself thinking about Isabella. Did she look similar as she cooked? I knew I had mentally teased her about the cooking thing this morning but there was something so attractive about a woman cooking. I shook my head when I realized this was the first time I'd ever seen Vanessa cook. _Shit, she better not be burning my fucking kitchen down._

"Vanessa?"

She jumped slightly and smiled when she saw me. She all but ran over to me and threw her arms around my neck.

"Oh, Edward. I missed you so much. I was starting to get worried," she kissed me.

I hadn't been kissed in nearly a week so my hormones kicked in. I pressed her against the island in my kitchen while I rested my hands on the granite counter to steady myself. Her lips were familiar and soft against mine. My left hand came to her bun and I took out the clip. Her long, silky hair was now free for my curious hands. I pulled away when I smelt something burning.

"What the hell are you cooking?" I scowled at a pan on the stove.

"Shit," she whispered and weaseled her way out of my grasp.

I watched her curiously.

"I was trying to make something for you, being in Miami really made me miss my parents. I never you told this before but I used to cook a lot for them before…you know," her voice got progressively lower.

Vanessa's parents had disowned her when she started modeling. Her relationship with them hadn't made much progress since then. She actually hadn't seen them since three years ago when she told me she had tried visiting them.

"Thanks. You really didn't have to do that," I replied.

"I wanted to. I think I want to start cooking again," she smiled wistfully.

I smiled a weak smile in response and went over to the living room. I turned the TV on and sat on my couch. The leather was still pretty stiff. It was a newer couch. I turned the news on and listened while the monotone reporter droned on about insignificant shit like how this homeless man had won $12,000 in the Quik Pick Lottery. They made it sound like he was going to be a fucking Rockefeller. Yeah, twelve grand might help the guy out but let's be realistic here.

I was about to shut off the stupid show when I heard my name. In a reflex action my head snapped to the TV and I sat back down. I watched while they played my press conference. I looked paler than usual. _Well there goes the sympathy card…you look like shit not something housewives are itching to bang silly, _my mind taunted.

I was vaguely aware of Vanessa sitting next to me on the couch when it happened. They asked me if I was seeing anyone. I hadn't registered this detail when I was at the podium but I had smirked when I said no. I shut the TV off immediately. I reluctantly looked at Vanessa. Her eyes were a little damp. She stood up abruptly, stomped off to the bedroom, and slammed the door shut.

I groaned and let my head fall back. I stared at my ceiling. _And the fucking dramatics begin already. Why was I doing the relationship again?_

I looked out the window and caught the skyline again. I decided to take a walk. I grabbed my house keys, a jacket, and decided to leave my cell phone. I was walking down the block and had no real destination in mind. I had jogged around this area before so I was pretty sure I'd be good with directions.

I folded my arms over my chest and sighed. A gust of white, cold, air flew out of my mouth. Nice. I hugged my arms tighter to my chest and barely registered the fact I was crossing into another neighborhood. This one was a little more residential than mine. Houses and minivans were more prominent.

I looked at the real estate and felt a sharp sense of déjà vu. It was so much like my childhood. It was so much like everything that represented what I was not. It was so much like what I rebelliously hoped for in life but would never go after. It would break my status quo. I'd lose what I let define my life.

I sat down on a park bench and looked at the sky. The stars weren't very visible but it was a full moon tonight. Cars very rarely passed by as I sat there and contemplated my life. I contemplated all the things that I had let define me. I remembered my mom lecturing me once on finding my purpose in life. I was 17 at the time and hardly ever listened to a damn word the woman said.

I chuckled darkly to myself as I realized things hadn't changed much. I was 31-years-old and still completely unaware of what my purpose was in life. Why was I here wasting the air of people who strived for things and had a passion for living? All I did was work at a job that sure I liked but didn't satisfy me in the way it did for some other single officers. And I had no relationships other than the basic ones I depended on for dear life.

That's when it hit me. That's when Jasper's words hit me. Maybe this season was my season for change. Maybe this was when I'd discover what I was living for. I just needed to figure out what that was exactly. And I had a feeling it was more obvious than I'd ever imagine but it wouldn't be particularly easy.

After trying for 31 years to figure out my direction in life I knew I'd endure a challenge. It would be the greatest challenge of my life possibly but I was ready. I was sick of not knowing what would happen with my life. I wanted my beginning to start because it felt like the end.

* * *

I've obviously never given a press conference before so if that part was kind of cheesy and inaccurate - I apologize. I tried to make it as realistic as possible.

Just a little favor: I'm not seeing the Twilight movie until Monday morning so please no spoilers. I promise after Monday morning you can PM and review me as much as you want about the movie ;) Thanks in advance.

Always a reminder, come visit the Secret thread on Twilighted(dot)net. We're in the AU-Human board.


	9. Chapter 9

I've the seen the Twilight movie three times now so if you wanna talk about it you can PM me all you want now ;) I personally adored it (couldn't you tell?). I'll probably see it a fourth time this weekend as well, haha.

Song for this chapter: A Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz (the lyrics fit Edward's conflicting emotions about Bella almost perfectly)

_I don't own Twilight but Rob Pattinson owns me in that scene with his fcksexylittlesmirk ;)_

* * *

I sat on that park bench for another hour. I could feel my hands slowly numbing but I made no move to go back to the apartment. That apartment defined me in a way I'd never thought a materialistic thing could define a person.

And Jesus I didn't even want to think about what I'd have to do with Vanessa. I wasn't going to dump her because the truth was she had done nothing wrong. She'd had every reason to be angry with me and—fuck me—the girl was supposedly in love with me. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

I was a mess. I was a classic disaster. The kind you see in those extreme weather shows you watch on the History Channel. And reality, which was currently waiting for me back at the apartment, was the eye of the storm.

I was startled by the sound of a truck coming down the street. I looked up and the bulbous cab was a rusted red. It looked like an old Chevy and it sounded like a construction site. The car swiftly drove past me and turned into a driveway a few houses down from where I was sitting. Thankfully, the deafening sound was cut off but only after the car backfired. I chuckled lowly to myself.

The driver hopped out of the driver's seat. It looked to be a petite woman—maybe 5'3 or 5'4. Suddenly, a bike came zooming down the block. I glanced up and the bike pulled into the same driveway. The woman jogged over to the man on the bike and waited for him to take off his helmet. The man got off the bike and towered over the woman. I strained my eyes to see. There was something so familiar about this couple.

My breath caught in my throat. It felt like every part of me was constricted. It was Isabella and _him_. That was her house or his house, whichever. I swallowed back the saliva that had pooled in my mouth. My stomach abruptly felt empty and a wave of nausea hit me like a freight train. I got up and stalked off in the opposite direction.

I would _not _sit there and watch her live her picturesque lifestyle with him. The concept of her was fucking with my mind already. I didn't need to confuse the hell out of myself even more by watching them be affectionate. That bothered me more than it should and definitely more than I was capable of understanding. It was a fact. I was attracted to her but for some reason I had this nagging feeling that it might be something more. I refused to believe _that _fact.

My eyebrows pulled together as I walked determinedly back to the apartment. Just five minutes ago I had been avoiding it, and now here I was, itching to get back. I was starting to wonder if I was bipolar or some shit. I sucked in a cool gust of wind and sighed. I was thankful when I walked into my building and was met with warm air.

I took the elevator upstairs in silence. I unlocked the apartment door and walked in silently. The lights were still on from when I had left. I placed my coat on a dining room chair and switched the lights off. I opened the bedroom door tentatively and was pleasantly surprised to see Vanessa passed out on my bed.

Her hair was strewn chaotically across my bed linens. The stark contrast between her dark hair and the white sheets was almost poetic. I slipped in soundlessly and placed my sneakers on the floor without making a sound. I looked at Vanessa. She looked so much more peaceful than when I had last seen her. Her forehead had a slight wrinkle, suggesting she wasn't completely at ease but her long lashes made her seem somewhat serene.

I closed my eyes and tried to will away all my random thoughts. Just as I was about to slip into a deep sleep I felt a small hand raise slowly up my chest. My eyes fluttered open and Vanessa's were still closed. I turned on my side and studied her face. Her lashes began to flutter a bit when finally her piercing blue eyes were revealed. Her eyebrows almost instinctively pulled together as she scowled at me. I was about to open my mouth to apologize when her lips came crashing down on mine.

* * *

The following morning I woke up feeling cold. The sun was burning with a fury on my eyelids however. I opened my eyes and looked at my alarm clock.

6:12

Nice. I'd be waking up in another three minutes if things had gone my way this morning. I turned the alarm off and rolled over. Something equally as cool but softer and more feminine was pressing into my left side. I looked down and Vanessa was sound asleep. The sheet that was wrapped around her wasn't doing much to hide the fact her body was reacting to the cold. I looked away with determination.

The events of last night were flooding back to me. I'd had a rather angry and passion-filled night with Vanessa. And despite the fact I was making changes in my life I could smile on the inside knowing that we'd finished up only two hours ago. I got out of my bed and took a shower. As the warm water beat against my chest I found myself thinking of all the reasons why last night was such a mistake.

I hadn't once opened my mouth to apologize. I hadn't once really focused on the girl who was giving all of herself to me through her body. Vanessa had offered herself up and laid her emotions on the line and I'd forced her to take it from behind so I could visualize having sex with another woman—any woman other than the one I was drilling into. _God, I was really fucked up._

I turned the water off and pressed my forehead against the tile that was coated with condensation. Why couldn't things ever be easy for me? Why couldn't I just have an epiphany and things just fall into place after? I got dressed and left for work early. I didn't want to see Vanessa this morning. It was a cowardly thing to do but I couldn't look at her and not feel guilty. Besides I could use the time to think.

Was staying with her really the best idea? I was being completely consumed by a woman I didn't even like all the time. It seemed to be like taking the easy way out if I broke up with her though. I hadn't even had the chance to put a solid effort in making our relationship work. Maybe that was what I needed to try. Maybe having a relationship was what would be the thing to put me in the right direction. So it was decided then. I'd make it work with Vanessa. I'd fight through these conflicting and confusing emotions I was feeling about Isabella. They wouldn't control me.

I made it to my office without consequence and sat at my desk. I read through a couple of newspapers. I made a few phone calls and before I knew it Emmett was bursting through my door for his morning ritual of bullshitting.

"Rosie and I saw you on TV last night," he smirked.

I rolled my eyes.

"She told me to tell you that you look better in person," he laughed.

"Thanks," I muttered in a sour tone.

"What happened though? You completely zoned out for a solid minute."

"I got distracted," I avoided mentioning the reason why.

"By what?" he chuckled as if there were no way possible I could be distracted.

"Nothing important. Did you do a follow-up on the suspects we were supposed to get on Sunday morning?" I changed the subject.

"Yeah. We got two foot soldiers who were supposed to be working the dock on Sunday morning. Everyone has been tight-lipped though. They're acting as if they're completely distraught by this Humphrey kid getting killed. It was pretty funny to see how disgusted they seemed to be around us. They're still going with the whole 'the SPD purposely bombed the warehouse' theory," he grinned.

"So, no leads?"

"No. Not for now anyway," he was spinning a dime on my desk.

"Has Charlie said anything about Fiori? I mean we can't just let this kid's death go unpunished."

"The A.D.A. just filed a subpoena to get Fiori's warehouse schedule for the last month. If he gets the schedule then we can go from there and round up some more suspects. They're also trying to speak to some people in the area. He wants to see if we can get an I.D. on the men who supposedly were in that Bentley. And hell if we can get a plate number then we'd be up to our ears in incriminating evidence."

"You know we're never going to get a plate number. And I highly doubt we'll find many witnesses in the area. If they haven't come forth already you know Fiori's already gotten to them."

"You're a real optimist Edward. Did you know that?" Emmett chuckled.

"I'm just being realistic here. Talk to Captain Oliveros and see if he can get some more men on this case. We need some more options here."

"I'll call him after I come back from lunch and we'll let the D.A. know when we've got some plans. When he gets the subpoena I'll call you," Emmett stood up.

"Thanks," I replied.

"Listen, I know I said this yesterday but I really am sorry about what happened with Iz."

"Emmett it's fine. Stop apologizing, please. You're beginning to make me feel bad for chewing you out," I laughed.

"Pssh, as if you could ever feel bad about anything," he laughed and closed the door behind him.

I barked out a sharp laugh and stared at my bookcase. Gees, even my best friend thought I was a heartless fuck. For some reason I wanted to prove him wrong. I figured it had to do with this whole purpose-thing I was trying out but it felt like it was more than that. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't a callous person.

I opened my filing cabinet and took out a folder I rarely ever looked at. I opened the cover and stared at the black and white numbers and letters. It was Vanessa's file. There were a few drug possession charges. One harassment charge. It was all pretty standard. It was only a few misdemeanors but they spoke volumes. I could very clearly remember when I'd gotten curious and found her rap sheet after I'd first met her.

I'd met her six years ago at this point and the fact of the matter was that even when I'd found her rap sheet she'd already been clean for at least four years. Most of her charges were from when she was a teenager. She hadn't touched any sort of drug in ten years. And I was proud of her. I wished I could put forth that sort of effort in achieving something. I sighed and put the folder back. _Why was I even looking at this? _

I opened my door to go down the hall and bumped into something warm. I steadied the clumsy object and tensed.

"Oh! Sorry, Edward," she smiled brightly.

My hands were gripping her arms too tightly but I couldn't relax myself. I was being assaulted by the memories of last night. I'd thought of her at times while I drilled into Vanessa.

I also briefly considered the idea of telling her I knew where she lived but for some reason that sounded creepy. If I told her I was at the park I'd most likely have to explain what I was doing there. She could be a nosy one and I doubted she'd let it go if I said I was talking a walk. For some reason I didn't feel like explaining myself to her. She moved from my grasp and stepped back. She seemed nervous.

"Um, I know I probably should have called but I was in the area and I was hoping we could talk," she looked at me timidly.

I backed myself against my door and gestured for her to come in. Isabella walked with her head down and sat silently in Emmett's chair. I closed and locked the door behind us. I walked over to the window and stared out at the city. I couldn't allow myself to look at her. It was too awkward for me.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay? You seem a little tense. I can come back next week," she offered.

"It's fine," I replied curtly.

"Edward, I was thinking about this arrangement yesterday and I feel like we need to change some things about it," she began.

I chuckled darkly.

"Oh, really? For instance…" I prodded.

"For instance, I think we should meet somewhere outside of the department. Too many officers are beginning to recognize me. More people than I'm comfortable with know who I am now and I think it's best to disappear in a sense."

I had thought of this myself this morning. I was planning on talking to Charlie about it first but hell if she was here I might as well get it out of the way. I placed my forehead on the glass and closed my eyes.

"I agree. Do you want me to give you my number so you can just call me?" I suggested half-heartedly.

I didn't want to stop seeing her. It was completely absurd and I shouldn't feel this way but I felt like I might fall apart if I stopped seeing her. She was the first person in a long time that challenged me. She made me feel different. Even if I would never pursue her I would still want her as a friend or acquaintance. Now that she'd made an impact on my life in such a short amount of time I couldn't be without her.

"No. I think it's good to see each in other person. I'm not much of a phone person," Isabella giggled.

My chest clenched with the sound. I pulled my eyebrows together in frustration and my jaw locked. I released the tension and opened my mouth to reply.

"You're supposed to be an anonymous reporter. You're not a phone person?" I chuckled without humor.

"No, I only do it when I need to. I trust you," she replied with firmness in her voice.

I nodded my head and opened my eyes. I mentally prepared myself for when I looked at her. I was going to have to look at her already. I turned around quickly so I wouldn't prolong the inevitable. She was sitting there. Her eyebrows were sort of raised like she was nervous or anticipating something. Her bottom lip was sucked in. I walked over to my chair and sat down with a thump.

"I saw you on TV yesterday," she smiled.

I looked at her confusedly. She'd been there. What did it matter that she'd seen me on TV?

"Jake and I were at our friend's house _all day_ yesterday, painting their new apartment. We were there for hours," she groaned.

"Hours?" I responded despite my utter mystification.

"Yeah, I went there straight after I left your office," she was still smiling.

Wait, what? I _had_ to be missing something here. I was not mistaken. She was at the press conference yesterday. She'd helped me out when I'd lost my concentration. She'd been the _reason_ I'd lost my concentration.

"You were painting all day?" I repeated.

"Mhm, Jacob's best friend Sam just moved in with his girlfriend Emily. They needed help painting their new apartment and Jake and I were the only ones who weren't busy during the day. The rest of our little gang came over later though. They saw the press conference too. Jacob says you look exhausted," she laughed loudly.

My stomach dropped. No, there was no way. Isabella had to have been there. I couldn't have imagined her being there. It was too vivid. I could remember every detail of the way she looked with perfect clarity. I could remember how she prompted me when I'd been staring at her for too long. And I sure as hell remember that look of lust she'd flashed at me.

"So you weren't at that press conference yesterday?" I asked despite how nervous I was for her answer.

"Nope," she popped the 'p.'

I swallowed back the saliva that had pooled in my mouth. I was abruptly nauseous. She sat there—across from me—still smiling ignorantly. I let out a shaky breath and put my head on the desk.

"Edward? Edward, are you okay?" she sounded concerned.

I waved my hand weakly.

"Are you sick or something? Do you need some water? Are you diabetic?" she rattled off questions.

I laughed at her last suggestion and shook my head.

"Well then are you hypoglycemic? I mean you look paler than usual. It's not quite flu season just yet."

I lifted my head slightly and looked at her through hooded eyes. My vision was blackening. I was sure I looked drunk or something. I was getting warmer and the room was feeling stuffier. I could feel the color draining from my face.

"Hypogly-what?"

"Hypoglycemia," she responded with a smug grin, "it's a medical condition. Basically it's when a person has low levels of glucose in their system. Low blood-sugar."

"Oh, I dunno," I mumbled and put my head back down.

"Stay there and I'll get something from the employee lounge," she ordered.

_Yeah, like I was going to be able to move_. The nausea was overwhelming and I knew that at any minute I was going to blow chunks. I had to keep swallowing back the taste in my mouth. It felt like licking envelopes.

Isabella reemerged two minutes later. I could hear her coming around my desk until suddenly she was at my side. She lifted my head tenderly while her doe eyes examined me. She grabbed the waste basket next to my desk and placed it in my lap. She opened a bottle of rubbing alcohol and I relieved myself into the waste basket.

Instead of scurrying away like most people would do, she stood over by my side and rubbed my back soothingly. I placed my forehead on the corner of my desk and put the waste basket back on the ground. She handed me a cup of orange juice and placed a cookie on the corner of my desk. I drank the orange juice furiously so I could get the taste of vomit out of my mouth.

She handed me the cookie and looked at me meaningfully. I took a bite and finished the cup of orange juice. I sat in my chair for a few minutes while I tried to make the room stop spinning. I could feel the tint of color come back to my face. I looked over at her, completely befuddled. Where was this tenderness and softer side coming from?

"Why did you do that?" I wondered through a thick voice.

"You were sick," she responded simply.

I continued to stare at this impossible woman with confusion. She was an enigma. Every day she became more complicated. I could never count on any one reaction from her. Last week, she was smacking me. This week, she was rubbing my back while I puked.

"Are you sure you're okay? I mean you kind of changed in just a few minutes," she looked at me worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now," I spoke a half-truth.

"Anything you want to share?"

"No, not really."

"Okay. That's fine."

She sat back down in Emmett's chair and we sat in silence for a long moment.

"How did you know the orange juice and cookie would work?" I broke the silence.

"My Grandma Marie is diabetic. I visit her pretty regularly—about every 2-3 weekends. People who suffer from hypoglycemia are a lot like diabetics. The orange juice would give you some iron and sugar and the cookie would give you sugar as well," she replied.

"You visit her every 2-3 weeks?" I was shocked.

"Yeah, my mother lives in Florida with her husband. He's a minor leaguer," she sounded sour.

"And you don't like him?" I guessed.

"No, it's just that he's younger than me. My mother is 46. I guess it just bothers me that he's so young. And she moved all the way across the country just to cater to him while my grandmother is shacking up in a retirement home. If I didn't visit her…no one would," her voice was quiet.

"I'm sorry, Isabella."

It was an inadequate response but it was all I could give. Her head snapped up and her eyes widened. It seemed like she hadn't meant to be so forthcoming about her personal life.

"I shouldn't have said all of that," she murmured.

"No, I won't say anything. I promise. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with a screwed up family history," I laughed bleakly.

"What's wrong with your family?" she wondered.

"Nothing now. I had a pretty fucked up childhood though," I sighed.

"What happened?" she urged.

"Well my dad walked out on my mom and me when I was eight. I haven't seen him since. I haven't spoken to my grandparents since he left either. They could be rotting six feet under for all I know. And now well…my mom is remarried. She lives in Chicago with my stepfather and stepbrother. I was always kind of the black sheep of the family so that's why I just continue to live in Seattle."

"Do you like your stepfather and stepbrother?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah, Carlisle is great and Jasper is the best brother anyone could ask for. What about you? Do you have any siblings?"

"No, I'm an only child."

"What about your dad?" I asked.

She blinked rapidly and slightly flushed.

"Ummm, I don't really talk to my dad either."

"Why?"

"It's complicated," she looked down at her lap.

"I think I can keep up," I pressed.

"Look, I don't really want to talk about it. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

She sighed. I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Why was she so reluctant to tell me about her father? He couldn't have been any worse than the prick that I shared DNA with. Her father was probably a saint in comparison.

"What about what's-his-face? What's his family like?" I tried to be conversational even though I really didn't care.

"_Jacob_," she smirked.

"Yeah, whatever."

"He's got two sisters. Jake's the big brother in the family. His dad lives up in La Push. We visit him pretty regularly too—mostly on holidays and stuff. His little sister, Rachel, goes to school in Tacoma so we see her every few weekends. She's dating his best friend Paul so she visits pretty often."

"Isn't La Push like a million miles away?"

"Yeah, it's a pretty long drive but Billy only has their dog and his friends. Jacob's mom died after giving birth so we like to visit him pretty often. He's in a wheelchair," she explained.

I nodded.

"What about his other sister?"

"Rebecca lives in Hawaii with her fiancé. He's a surfer. We don't get to see her much—only around the major holidays when Will has time off. She and Rachel are twins."

"Sounds like one big happy family," I muttered.

"Well, I don't see my family much and my family is pretty small as is. They're almost like my surrogate family," she smiled wistfully.

"This is different," I murmured.

"What is?"

"Us. Just sitting here, talking. It's different."

"Yeah, I guess it is," she grinned.

"Do you think we'll be able to keep it up?" I smiled response.

"Hmm, it's unlikely. I'm feeling generous today and well…you were sick. I'm a sucker for sick people," she laughed.

"I'll have to keep that in mind," I smirked.

"So are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I guess. I still feel a little woozy but I'm alright."

"Good, I should probably get going. I've got laundry to do and I've got to work on my article before it goes out for publication."

I immediately remembered something.

"Hey, did you ever do that feature on me? I missed the paper Sunday."

"Um, well no."

I cocked my head to the side and tried to figure out what her next response would be. She seemed a little uncomfortable with the subject.

"To be honest I never planned on publishing it," she laughed nervously.

"But I thought Charlie set it up with the PR manager and stuff?"

"He told you that?"

I nodded.

"Oh, well that was probably just a ruse to get you to do the interview. He asked me to do the interview but he never actually specified that I had to publish it."

I smiled. She was good. And truth be told I was glad she hadn't published it. Being that we were working together now, she needed to seemingly have as little ties to me as possible. It was just our luck that she was a deviant.

"That's good. We need to seem as unassociated as possible."

"Speaking of which, where should we meet up for our next rendezvous?" she pursed her lips.

I looked at my paper weight. _Shit. Where _were_ we supposed to meet up? _

It couldn't be public. That would never work out well. And I wasn't too sure if having her come over to my apartment was in the best interest of either of our relationships. I wasn't sure if I had that kind of restraint yet. The thought of her and my bedroom only being feet apart was screwing with me. _Ha, screwing._ Besides I wasn't too keen on her knowing that we lived only a mile and a half apart.

"We can alternate between friend's places," I suggested.

"Huh?"

"Next time you need to talk you can call me and we'll meet at Emmett's place. Rosalie won't mind having anyone over. It'll keep us out of the public eye."

"Yeah but isn't that a little personal?"

"Do you have any other suggestions? If people are staking out our homes—which in a few months they very well could be—then we obviously wouldn't want to show up at each other's place. That will blow our cover immediately. The fact of the matter is no one is interested in following us right now. In a few weeks we'll work out another arrangement if need be. For now it's the best idea I've got."

Isabella nodded. She still seemed to be uncomfortable with the idea. My hand did that thing I almost chopped it off for yesterday. The thing where it thinks it can reach out and do things like touch her hand. I put it on my lap determinedly. She looked down at her lap and bit her lip. I really hated when she did things like that.

"Edward, can I be honest?" she stared at her hands.

"Of course," I replied.

"I'm sort of scared about this whole thing. I've never been so vulnerable before. I mean…I just…if something were to happen to Jake or even you I'd never forgive myself."

My heart tugged at her innocence but my ego rolled its eyes at being lumped in with _him_.

"Nothing is going to happen. I made a promise to you and Charlie."

"You make it sound so simple," she looked up at me with disbelieving eyes.

"It is that simple," I lied.

"Just promise me that if things get dangerous you'll get out. I can't deal with the guilt of knowing that you might get hurt because of my information."

I couldn't promise her that. It was my job to protect her now. I wanted to protect her. I wasn't sure in what capacity exactly but she _meant_ something to me. I could literally kill myself if anything happened to her. She would be a causality in a game that she was never meant to partake in. A game I let get out of hand in the first place; a game that was corrupting my city.

I nodded. I would never make that promise to her with my words and I think she sensed that because she let it go. Isabella stood up and I did the same in response.

"It was good seeing you today, Edward. I kind of like this whole we-can-be-friends-thing," she giggled.

I was really starting to enjoy hearing her giggle.

"Yeah, well don't count on it. I take my job seriously. We might have a couple arguments."

"I can handle that," she smirked and opened the door of my office.

"See you around."

"I'll call you as soon as I have something," she responded.

I nodded and watched while she left. She was wearing khakis today. They were a little snugger around her curves. She was wearing a pea coat as well. Isabella glanced over her shoulder as she stopped by the elevator, waved, and disappeared.

I sat back down in my chair and stared out the window. I wasn't even going to try and think about what had just happened. I organized my case files for tomorrow. I needed to go to court and give a testimony on a case I had been involved with last month.

The hours passed uneventfully and I eventually found myself rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I looked at the clock. It was 7:30. I had been functioning on coffee, workaholic-ism, and two hours of sleep. I grabbed my coat from my locker and locked my office. On my way out, I passed by Valence's cubicle. He was still here. He seemed to be on the phone with someone. I nodded at him and he waved.

I walked down the hall to the elevators and glanced over my shoulder. He was speaking hurriedly to whoever he was speaking to and seemed frustrated. _Girl problems_, I thought to myself. I passed by Captain Oliveros on my way out and slipped into the Volvo. It was cold again tonight. I turned the heater on and opened my phone. I needed to call Vanessa. The phone rang a few times until she picked up.

"Hello?" she sounded disdainful.

"Hey, Vanessa. Are you at your apartment? We need to talk."

"Yeah, Jules just left. Where are you?"

"I just left the office. I'll be there in five minutes."

"Fine," she hung up.

I looked at my phone incredulously. I shook my head and threw my phone on the passenger's seat. I pulled up to her building two minutes later and parked. I jogged the few flights of stairs up to her apartment. I knocked on the door once but it was open. I let myself in and locked the door for her. I went straight to her bedroom and knocked on the door.

"Come in," she called out.

She was sitting on her bed. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail and she was reading a magazine. I sat on the edge of her bed and waited. I needed to gather my thoughts.

"Listen, Vanessa…last night…I'm sorry. I should have said it before things got out of hand. I can't really explain why I did what I did but please just know I didn't mean to hurt you. The press conference thing was a mistake and I was an ass. I know this isn't much of an apology but I'm trying," I offered.

It was the best I could give her. It was the best I could give her of myself right now because I wasn't completely ready to be dedicated to _anyone_. My life was just too much of a confusing mess to make sense. I had my own issues so for now this was the best I could do by her.

"Edward, last night doesn't matter. I just need to know if this is really what you want."

It felt like all time had stopped. Here I was. I had the chance to get out of this relationship and figure things out on my own. Or I could stay with Vanessa and give her the shot she deserved. She was giving me a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free-Card. _Should I take it?_

"Yes," I immediately regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth.

I wanted to kick myself. It felt like I was signing away my life with just that one simple word. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with Vanessa. I just felt like this was going to be a problem now. With uttering that one word it felt like a dark cloud had just formed and that little by little it would creep up on our relationship. I had a feeling that something bad would happen as soon as I said that word.

I chanced a look at Vanessa and she was analyzing me. It looked like she was looking for something and that if she found it she knew she could trust me. I guessed she must have found it because she nodded and kissed me. I pulled back after a minute. One kiss was fine for right now. I wasn't sure if I could handle more after this new sense of foreshadowing. I smiled weakly and put on a face. It was the best I could do.

* * *

Okay so be honest. How many of you really knew that Bella was, in fact, _not_ at the press conference. That Edward imagined her being there. I know at least Steph knew ;)

I know a lot of you are going to be upset with me that he's staying with Vanessa but please trust me. They'll break up before you know it. I'm not sure if I'll start next chapter or not but time will be speeding up so we can get to some of the more interesting plotlines.

*This chapter should be up on Twilighted tomorrow along with a smuttake. It's an outtake that features Vanessa and Edward. The ladies at Twilighted convinced me (acireamos - this is for you). Nothing plot-related happens though, anything that's important was mentioned this chapter so if you find the idea offensive there's no need to read it. I'd really like to avoid what happened last time this idea was presented so please refrain.

You are, however, invited to come and share your thoughts on the story at the AU-Human board on Twilighted(dot)net. The Secret board has been pretty lonely since I last updated. Also teasers will be posted there a few days before chapters are posted if you're interested.


	10. Chapter 10

I apologize for the wait. I know I always say that but it's true. I'm currenly on vacation and despite my free time it's very easy to get distracted. As a matter of fact I'm leaving to see The Nutcracker in like 20 min. but I couldn't withhold this chapter from you, like Edward withholding sex (you'll understand this when you read this chapter).

Two things: Jacob and Vanessa are NOT interested in each other and are NOT attracted. They will NOT be hooking up. Oh and my cousin was a Zeta so when you get to that part (if you were/are a Zeta or know one) please don't be offended. I meant no offense. I loved her sorority sisters.

Chapter Song: Body Language by Queen (it's very specific for a certain part in this chapter, and Queen just rocks - so yeah)

_I don't own Twilight but damn! It needs to come out on DVD already so I can stop going to the freaking theater ;)_

* * *

The subsequent weeks went on rather dismally and uneventfully. I had shaped my relationship with Vanessa into a schedule. We saw each other no more than 4 times a week and usually it consisted of dinner or some outing.

We hadn't had sex or really gotten anywhere near third base since that fateful night. I forced myself to resist her and set up boundaries. It would only eat me up inside if I continued to let her be that way with me. Even in the few instances when we were affectionate it felt completely staccato and uncomfortable. Vanessa seemed to be completely oblivious but I could tell I was shutting down and putting up a wall.

I hadn't spoken to Isabella since the morning in my office but that didn't stop my mind from wandering. I would wonder what she was doing; if she was smiling and happy, or what she was wearing; and if she was still running her mouth off at people. I would catch myself, staring out the window, thinking of her. She was such a distraction and I loved it.

It was now the day before Halloween and I was rather peeved. This time of year always gave us problems. Little shits thought they had a free pass to get crazy. I was lucky I didn't do patrol anymore but I still kept an eye out in the area on my way home. I wasn't above pulling over to the side of the road and shoving my badge in some little 15-year-old's face.

The local stores enforced the prohibition of selling eggs to kids during the week before Halloween but they managed to get them anyway. There was no way in hell I'd wake up the following morning to egg residue on my Volvo. And if there was, the little shit responsible for it better be sitting on the curb—toothbrush in hand—to clean it off. Sometimes I would wonder if this was Karma finally catching up with me.

Tonight I was lucky. Tonight was one of Vanessa's off nights. She'd used up her 3 passes to see me this week and I was pretty certain she wouldn't use up her last one when Halloween was tomorrow. We didn't have any official plans but Vanessa insisted on handing out candy. I wasn't sure if it was a way of showing off her costume to everyone who showed up at my apartment or not but I wouldn't dwell on it.

It was an outlet for attention—the exact attention I wasn't giving her these days. She tried getting me to dress up with her in a costume but I refused. I didn't dress up for Halloween. I was 31-years-old. There was no point.

Emmett and I had made little progress in Dylan Humphrey's case. His mother was surprisingly cooperative and not obnoxious. She didn't harass us and understood finding Dylan's killer would prove to be difficult, if we ever even found him.

The only person who was really a pain in the ass about anything was the Assistant Chief of Police but it didn't even really affect me. I wasn't sure how Richard Hirsch had ever made it to the position of Assistant Chief of Police because Charlie was a great man. And I just couldn't understand how he stomached Richard but it wasn't my place to say anything.

Apparently he'd given a few of my officers a hard time about Humphrey's case and was heckling Victoria, along with some of the other forensics team members, but when I saw him in the lobby tonight I gave him a stare that would ensure he'd behave. The man was over 20 years older than me but he was still intimidated by just one stare from me.

He knew I was heartless when I wanted to be and that I took my job seriously. He wouldn't dare cross me.

I drove out of the garage and made my way back to the apartment. I took a left instead of a right on a random street and took the scenic route. I wasn't actually planning on looking around. I just had a sick desire to see a certain someone's house.

I'd only done it 3 times since I found out where she lived but each time I did I felt strange. It was like I was a stalker or something. Why couldn't I just tell her I saw her or I knew where she lived?

_Because that sounds creepy you jack-off_, my thoughts reminded me.

_And that's creepier than driving by her house in the first place_, the less noble part of me argued.

It was a tossup. Either way it was wrong yet at the same time I had convinced myself that I was just checking to make sure she was okay. So it had to be right. If I ever saw something suspicious then it was worth it. What I was doing wasn't so creepy and strange. When I knew her house would be coming up soon, I slowed down. The area was rather quiet and thankfully no one was behind me.

Her truck was in the driveway along with _his_ bike. I idly wondered why they never put their vehicles in the garage they had but I shook the thought away. I had a mission. I took note of the fact she had decorated her home for Halloween. That was nice. She wasn't one of those anti-Halloween, religious fanatic-types. Not that I ever expected her to be but still. It was nice to have the reassurance.

There were real Jack-O-Lantern's outside her house and she had a little scarecrow on her front door. Her living room window curtains had luckily not been drawn yet. The lights were on. I could see a bookshelf but that was about it.

I glanced at the clock on my dashboard. It was 7:32. I looked back at the window and _he _was standing in front of it, seemingly yelling something across the room. Adrenaline started to build up in my system. If he wanted to make it to Halloween he better have been just shouting. If he was yelling at her or arguing with her I would kill him without a second-thought.

I looked at him closely and finally noticed he had a tattoo on his body. He had a long, thick, black, vine-looking, Polynesian tribal tattoo running vertically along the right side of his torso. I wondered why he would have a Polynesian tattoo. He was fucking Native American, but I remembered what Isabella told me about his sister. She lived in Hawaii.

Jacob drew the curtains without looking and walked away. It took it as my cue to leave. I revved the engine lightly and drove off. The last thing I needed was either one of them to come outside or for her neighbors to realize she was being stalked. She would never know it was me and would justifiably freak out. Her anonymity was vital.

I parked my car and went upstairs. I grabbed a bottle of Tanqueray from under the sink and drank straight from the bottle. My throat burned with my relentless downing but it felt good. It was a good kind of burning. And the effects would make me feel better in a little while. I walked over to the living room and lay down on the couch. I turned the TV on and flipped through the channels. Nothing could hold my interest.

I wasn't sure when but at some point I had fallen asleep. I woke the next morning to my cell phone alarm clock going off. I reluctantly opened my eyes and looked outside. It was raining, of course. I took a shower and jerked off until I was sure I had no more time to kill and that I'd be able to stay cool during work. My nether-head was bereft these days and was finding the silliest, most innocent things to be completely erotic. It was actually rather pathetic how often it was taking up time in my schedule.

I went into the office but not before every secretary on my way in gave me some goodie bag with candy. I dumped the pile into my waste basket and turned my computer on.

I had to go to another precinct today and follow-up on some other cases I was responsible for. Today was going to be one of those routine days. Research suspects, look through call records, find any police records, follow up on leads etc. It wasn't my favorite part of my job but it kept me occupied. The day would pass by without consequence if I was lucky and that's how things _should_ be.

Emmett and I met up for lunch and to my surprise Rosalie walked into the diner we were eating at. Of course, every man in the diner took notice but I was surprised when Emmett chuckled from across the table. I looked at him curiously. He was staring and smiling at her as she strolled over, gave him a deep kiss, and slid into the booth. She grinned at me and leaned into Emmett's side.

"Hey, Edward. Long time, no see," her perfect white teeth were glistening at me.

Rosalie was a burst of color and sunshine on a dreary Seattle day.

"Hey, Rose. You look great. How's school?"

"Fine. I just left my Statistics class."

_Ouch._

"That sounds like fun," I muttered sarcastically.

"We were reviewing for midterms," she elaborated.

"Are you hungry, babe?" Emmett rubbed her shoulder.

"Yeah, what's that you're eating there?"

"A bacon-cheeseburger."

Like fucking magic the waitress appeared, pen and notepad in hand. Rosalie rattled off her order and the waitress disappeared behind the kitchen door. I continued picking at my fries while Rosalie folded her hands on the table and smiled at me.

"Yes?" I raised my eyebrows.

"So what's this I hear about you withholding sex from Vanessa?" she barely maintained her straight face.

"I'm not withholding sex. I'm just confused about a lot of stuff right now and sex just blurs the lines. I really need to take things slow."

"So you deny yourself sex? Are you crazy, Edward?" she laughed.

Emmett laughed next to her and shook his head. I couldn't even be mad at him for telling her. She was my best friend too. She always knew what was going on. Besides Emmett only told her things he knew he was allowed to. We had an unofficial understanding of things that stayed between us.

I shrugged my shoulders and took a bite of the chicken sandwich I was eating. The waitress came back with Rosalie's order. She ate in silence while Emmett and I discussed work stuff. Rosalie took a sip of her Coke before interrupting.

"What are you doing for Halloween, Edward? Is Vanessa spending the night with you?"

"We don't have any plans. She wants to hand out candy though at the apartment. What are you two doing?"

"Rosie was invited to a Halloween party by a classmate of hers. We're just gonna stop by and then go home. I have work tomorrow and she's got a paper to write. The party could end up being pretty lame too. I mean I'm fucking 28 after all. The Zeta house isn't as entertaining as it used to be."

I chuckled at that. I didn't know Emmett in college but if he was anything like what I pictured him to be I'm sure he'd never expect those words to come out of his mouth. Rosalie rolled her eyes and took another sip of Coke.

"Maybe we'll stop by tonight," Rosalie added.

"Sure."

"What are you dressing up as anyway?" Emmett inquired.

"I'm not dressing up. And Vanessa won't tell me what she's going to be. It's supposed to be a surprise or something," I rolled my eyes, "what about you two?"

"Emmett is going to be a firefighter for kicks," she smirked while Emmett winked at me, "and I'm going to be a race car crew member."

"Emmett's going to be a firefighter?" I laughed.

Cops and firefighters were basically sworn enemies despite the fact we worked together. It wasn't that they were bad people but we just didn't mix. It was comparable to Army vs. Navy. We kept it friendly, but it didn't go past that. Emmett shrugged his shoulders and grinned. He always liked to be a shit about things.

I paid for our lunch and headed back to the office with Emmett while Rosalie went back to their house. As I sat down at my desk and checked my messages I was let down once again when none of them were from _her_. I was almost paranoid when I was out of the office that I'd miss her call or miss the chance to see her. It was absolutely sick.

At 3 in the afternoon, Vanessa called me and asked me to pick up some candy on the way home. She was still stuck in the studio with her agent. On my way home I stopped by the store—as requested—and bought $20 worth of candy. It was a bunch of random crap that I wasn't even sure if kids liked or not but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Vanessa's Jetta was parked outside my house when I pulled in. I let out a heavy sigh and decided not to delay the inevitable. I was suddenly in front of my apartment door. I cocked my head to side. There were little pumpkin decals on it and we had a Halloween wreath on the door. _When the fuck had _that_ happened?_

I shook my head and unlocked the door. Vanessa was sitting in the couch in her costume. Her costume which was a sexed up version of a police officer's uniform. _Great! Just go ahead and mark your territory, why don't you?!_

"Edward!" she squealed and strolled over to me. She kissed me chastely, wrapped her arms around my neck, and smiled at me.

I gave a tight, short smile, untangled myself from her, and walked into the kitchen. I found a pot and dumped all the candy inside. Vanessa's eyebrows furrowed and she glared at the pot.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"A pot, Edward?"

"What? It's the biggest thing I have."

She sighed and grabbed the pot from me. Vanessa set it on the dining room table and turned back around to face me.

"You haven't even said anything about my costume," she murmured.

I rolled my eyes.

"Are we seriously going to do this? You're a beautiful girl, everyone knows you're beautiful. I don't understand why you need reassurance. Trust me if there was something wrong with the way you look I'd point it out. You know just as well as anybody that I don't have a filter," I walked into the bedroom and pulled my shirt off.

"That's not why I brought it up. I just…you barely even notice me these days. I thought you'd like my idea."

I sighed, walked to my dresser, and grabbed another random t-shirt. She put her hand on mine and I stopped moving. She was standing on my left now while I held the t-shirt in my hand. Her big blue eyes looked up at me pleadingly; just pleading for attention and appreciation, pleading for me to listen to her and just go along with what she wanted. My jaw clenched and I looked down at her small, tan hand on mine.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

And I was. I was sorry for more things than she'd ever know. Her other hand slid up my forearm, past my tricep, and sat softly on my bare shoulder. Her fingers brushed my hair absentmindedly. They barely made contact and it tickled a little.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm just trying here. I wish you would do the same. Don't shut me out," she whispered back.

I nodded silently and dropped the shirt.

"I have a favor to ask," her voice was only slightly louder but still low.

I looked back at her and waited.

"Can you wear your uniform, _please_? It's not even a costume. I just…it would mean a lot to me. You can't wear regular clothes on _Halloween_," she smiled.

I groaned and she giggled quietly.

"Please, Edward," she pled again.

And I couldn't deny her because I was already destroying her. I couldn't comply with her one request of dressing up on Halloween? I really hated submitting to her requests but my conscience wouldn't let me upset her for a very specific reason. I was overwhelmed with this nagging feeling that things with Vanessa and I would be ending soon.

That tonight would mark the beginning of the end. I wanted to delay the inevitable because I was a coward so I agreed. She smiled and hugged me tightly. And she laughed when I told her the damn uniform felt like a costume anyway.

I got dressed quickly—my peaked cap as the final touch—and made it in time to open the door with Vanessa for trick-or-treaters. It was a lot of children that came by but occasionally we'd get some teenagers or couples. Everyone was pleasant and the teens never crossed the line. They ogled Vanessa freely, as did many of the men that came with their girlfriends, but I couldn't even be bothered.

I had no claim to her anymore. The fact we were matching felt more like a coincidence rather than an intentional decision made by two people in a relationship. I was sitting on the couch with Vanessa, watching an old Halloween horror flick when I heard a group of people outside. They were laughing and talking loudly. The bell rang and Vanessa came along to open the door.

I opened the front door and was shocked when a large group of guys were at the door. One was dressed up as Wolverine, another was The Joker, and a smaller one was Batman. I filled their shopping bags up when two girls came over. They were both Native American as I noticed the other three guys were.

The smaller girl was dressed as what I assumed to be Lois Lane, while the other wasn't dressed in a costume at all. I filled their bags when suddenly I heard a giggle. My insides began to warm up and my head got dizzy. My body tingled as the sound got closer. I glanced over to my right and connected the sound to the person.

Her red hair was curled into loose waves while it hung over her shoulders and glided down her back. I let my eyes wander. Her brown eyes were still full of life and fire as always. Her full lips were accented with some sort of lip tint. She didn't need it. They were perfect as is.

Then I continued my descent. Her collarbone was exposed and it drew my attention to the prominent cleavage she was sporting. Her toned and petite body was covered in shiny black leather. It was the kind of thing that usually turned me off and I found tacky but damnit I was getting excited already. This was the most comfortable and exposed I'd ever seen her and my body was responding.

She had beautiful hips that had a gold belt sitting on them and the tiniest waist to compliment those exact hips. I looked back at her face and she smiling in surprise. She was sex on fucking legs. My mind was wandering to places it shouldn't be. Like how I would peel that suit off of her. There would be no words, just sounds, and stares.

Another body began to obstruct my view of her and I glared. The man was tall and covered in a Daredevil costume. He looked like he'd walked straight off the movie set. I wanted to be impressed by how authentic the costume looked but I was distracted by the fact that this body was, too, familiar. I wanted to growl. He didn't even have to take off the mask. I knew it was _him_. He pulled the mask off and smiled.

"Lieutenant Masen," he grinned and left his hand out.

His friends looked at the exchange curiously while Isabella moved forward and smirked at me. I reluctantly shook his hand and glanced at Vanessa. She was grinning excitedly. I'm sure she was curious as hell about how I knew Jacob.

"What are you guys doing here?" I spoke.

It was a collective question but I was only looking at Isabella. And she was the only person I wanted to hear from.

"Well, we live pretty close by and decided to trick-or-treat around the area," she responded back.

I nodded and glanced at Jacob.

"Aren't you going to introduce us to your friend Lieutenant," Jacob gestured to Vanessa.

I fought back the urge to roll my eyes. I never wanted Vanessa in this close proximity to Isabella ever and now _he_ was insisting.

"This is my…friend…Vanessa," I replied in a monotone voice.

Vanessa shook hands with everyone and smiled brightly. She was always great at the hostess shit and being friendly. I was the opposite. I was good at being a prick and I was always able to effectively convey the feeling of "unwelcome" to people.

"Who are your friends, Edward?" Vanessa spoke up.

"Um, this is Jacob and Isabella."

"It's so great to meet you two. Who are the rest of your friends?" she smiled.

"That's Paul, Seth, Leah, Emily, Sam, and this is Jacob's sister, Rachel," Isabella pointed everyone out.

From what I understood, Sam was The Joker, Seth was Batman, Paul was Wolverine, Rachel was Lois Lane, Leah wasn't dressed up, and Emily was some super heroine I didn't recognize.

"Why didn't you dress up?" I chuckled and spoke to Leah.

"I just got off of work," she shrugged.

"Apparently you didn't dress up either," Isabella giggled.

That giggle ignited a fire through me.

"I wasn't planning on dressing up but _someone_ insisted," I pointed to Vanessa mockingly.

"Well, you guys look great! A really great couple's costume," Jacob added.

"Oh, it's not like that," I responded without even thinking about it.

I wanted to curse myself for doing it as soon as it happened. The least I could fucking do was pretend for two seconds and appease Vanessa. It was true. We weren't really a couple officially or anything but what was the point of jumping the gun to explain?

My conscience was tightening the noose around my neck. Next thing: putting foot into mouth. Everyone shifted kind of uncomfortably and Vanessa continued to smile superficially as if I hadn't just been a total ass.

"Well, um…we better head out. We've got plenty of apartments and houses to still hit up," Jacob grinned.

I nodded my head. One part of me was doing a happy dance that this douche bag was finally leaving and the other was dying on the inside, knowing that that meant _she_ had to leave too.

"Why don't you guys go ahead? I'll be over in a second. I have to talk to Edward really quick," Isabella spoke.

Everyone nodded and waved goodbye as they journeyed down the hallway to the elevator. Jacob turned around once to make sure I wasn't dropping my pants already or anything while Vanessa just went into the bedroom. I looked over my shoulder and leaned forward once Vanessa closed the door.

"Is everything okay?" the words came out rushed. I was so anxious to be with her—alone with her.

"Everything's fine. I just…I got a call this afternoon and I was going to call tomorrow morning to set up a meeting but I guess I can just do that now," Isabella smiled.

"Yeah, of course." _I'd give you anything_.

"Good, well…how does Saturday afternoon sound? Do you have to be in the office?"

"No, Saturday's fine. I'll call Emmett and set it up."

"Are you sure? I know its a little short notice I just think we should talk soon."

"No, I promise. It's fine."

"Okay. Can I call you tomorrow and make sure we're still good for the meeting?"

"Absolutely. I'll be there all day. Do you need my cell phone number?"

"Yeah sure," she pulled out an archaic-looking cell phone, "Don't laugh! It's one of those pay-as-you-go craps. It was the most basic phone they had. I can't deal with all that touch and keypad stuff. I just need numbers and the send and end buttons," she grinned.

"No laughing," I held up three fingers for scout's honor.

She rolled her eyes and opened the phone.

"206-555-3492."

"Edward Masen," she dragged out my name while she typed.

"Is that it?" I asked.

"Yup," she smiled.

"It was nice seeing you. I really like your costume."

_What the fuck was going on with me?_ I didn't do compliments and insignificant observations. My conversations with women were more along the lines of:

You're beautiful (_even if they're really not_)…let's fuck.

"Thanks," she blushed.

It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. And I really and truly meant something for once in my life.

"What are you supposed to be?" I wondered.

In reality I didn't care. Anything that had her dressed up in leather was incredible but I was curious.

"Black Widow. She's a Marvel Super Heroine."

"Oh," was my eloquent/intelligent response. I had no fucking clue who Black Widow was so I really couldn't do much better than that.

"By the way I _still_ don't think _you_ dressed up," she smirked and pointed at me.

Isabella laughed and pushed off the door frame. I rolled my eyes and slammed the door shut. I could hear her laughter disappearing down the hallway. It was just like her to ruin a good moment. I shook my head and closed my eyes. I leaned my back against the door and sighed. What was this girl _doing_ to me?

I smiled as I thought of that blush again and the way she looked absolutely fuckable in that skin-tight black leather. My groin was nodding in agreement. I opened my eyes and Vanessa was standing in my bedroom doorframe, her arms were folded over her chest, and she had an expression that was a mixture of sadness and anger. My lips parted to say something, anything but she walked back into the bedroom.

I walked over to the bedroom, preparing myself to face reality. This was it. Tonight would tip the scale in some direction and it'd be a resolute action. When I walked into the room, Vanessa looked up and her eyes turned fierce. She stood up and stalked toward me while yelling.

"Who the _hell_ is that, Edward? I thought you said you were serious about this! You tell me you want to see me and for _weeks_ you ignore me, push me away, get distracted! I'm sick of it! Sick!"

"Vanessa calm down. She's nobody. Just a friend," I spoke in an even, calm voice, trying to get her to be the same way.

"No! I will _not_ calm down! This is a fucking joke!"

"Look, Vanessa I don't know what you want from me. I'm doing the best I can. Right now is just not the right time for a relationship."

"You could have realized that sooner instead of wasting my time!" she snarled.

"Excuse me?" I hissed. I was angry now, "Are you joking right now? You're the one who kept _insisting_ and making me feel guilty. I told you before we even _began_ this that I was the wrong person to be dating. Right now what I'm giving to you is the best I've got and if you can't appreciate it well then don't let the door hit you on your way out. _I'm through_!" my arms were waving with my tirade.

"Fuck you, Edward! I thought I loved you but I guess I was wrong," was her pitiful retort.

"No you weren't wrong, just fickle. You think you love me but you're just like all those other girls: obsessive and crazy. Every time you're with someone for more than a week you think you're _in love_."

It was a low blow to call her obsessive and crazy because in all seriousness Vanessa did have issues. It was a part of the reason she used to be dependent on drugs. Her prescriptions from the psychiatrist as a teen were the gateway to a bigger arena of problems. It wasn't the doctor's fault, of course, because there was no way of knowing she'd become dependent but it was a terrible truth.

Vanessa stared at me. We'd gotten progressively closer during our argument. She had tears rolling down her cheeks—which were flushed from exertion and anger—and her eyes were empty and sad. I'd hurt her in the most personal and cruel way ever. There was no forgiveness or taking back of what I'd just said.

We stared at each other for a long moment. In an arrogant attempt to maintain my appearance, I kept my expression cool and composed. It would do me no good to seem apologetic. If I maintained my callousness I at least had a shred of dignity in these final moments.

After what seemed like hours had passed by, Vanessa grabbed her car keys off my nightstand and walked out. I heard the front door shut and I let out the breath I was unconsciously holding. I undressed from my uniform and crawled into bed to face the demons that liked to come out and play in my moments of solitude and self-doubt.

* * *

Hale Yeah I left you guys with a cliffhanger...

(wow I just said Hale yeah, I need to stay away from Twilighted, lol)

So did Vanessa and Edward really break up? Find out next chapter...

...which I promise will arrive soon cause I already started working on it ;)

Oh and thanks to Steph and Frazzled for the birthday wishes (it was on Tues). Come play on the forums. I promise we don't bite..._hard._


	11. Chapter 11

No this is not a fake-out. I really did update this soon after my last chapter, haha. I forgot to mention this last time. On my freeweb (which can be found on my FF profile) there is a "cast" for Secret and underneath the Secret page on my freeweb is a picture of Bella's Black Widow costume.

Chapter Song: A Girl Like You by Edywn Collins (the lyrics are spectacular, as is the song)

_I don't own Twilight but I think you already know this by now ;)_

* * *

Saturday I was freaking giddy. I swear to God I checked my hair about seven times and I changed my clothes four. In the end I did the girl thing and wore the first outfit I started out with.

Isabella and I arranged to meet at Emmett's house this afternoon. Rosalie was going to be out shopping but Emmett assured me she was informed of the arrangement and completely fine with the situation. We were supposed to meet at noon so I drove over to Emmett's house a little early.

I parked my Volvo in front of their house, leaving the driveway empty for Rosalie when she came back. When I was greeted at the door by Emmett in his Seahawks jersey I wasn't the least bit surprised. He told me Isabella and I could use the formal dining room since it had a sliding door for privacy. I checked his fridge to make sure he had beverages besides beer and sat on the couch.

I did that fucking nervous thing where you sit ramrod straight and place your hands on your knees. It's like you don't even know how to behave. Emmett arched an eyebrow at me and I forced myself to relax. And it was _painful_ how obvious it was that I was forcing it. I glanced at the clock numerous times and the damn thing felt like it never moved. I chanced a look at Emmett and he was watching me through narrowed eyes with his arms across his chest.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back," I rushed from the living room, down the hall, and into my safe haven.

I'm sure Emmett was wondering if I was beating off or something but I couldn't even think about that right now. Now that Vanessa was out of the picture and with the way everything just became heightened the other night I was unsure of where we stood now. Sure Isabella had a boyfriend but with a little convincing I was certain I could get him out of the picture.

But did I really want to start anything with her? Was it really her or was it the chase of her? The fact was she was unattainable and _definitely _off limits. I wasn't sure how long she'd been with Jacob but I had a suspicion that it was more than just a few months. I'd have to ask her today.

I moved to the bathroom sink and placed my hands on either side. I looked at myself in the mirror, willing my confidence and composure to show themselves. I was acting like a twelve-year-old schoolboy.

"Get it together, Edward. She's never going to be interested if you're a fucking sweaty, nervous disaster," I was actually fucking talking to myself.

I threw my head back and looked at the ceiling. When did things get so _complicated_ with her? I sat down on the toilet seat and put my head between my knees.

The doorbell suddenly rang and my head snapped up, which then banged into the shelf that was behind me. I winced and cursed when the superfluous items from the shelf went tumbling to the ground. _Who the _fuck_ puts a shelf with random shit in a bathroom? Isn't that what a cabinet is for? _

I put the items back haphazardly and probably not in their right places. I wrenched the bathroom door open. Emmett was standing outside with Isabella, off to his left, behind him. Their eyes were wide.

"What the hell were you doing in there, Edward? Are you alright?" Emmett asked concernedly.

"Yeah. I just…um…never mind," I walked past him and went over to Isabella.

"Hi," she looked amused.

"Hi, sorry."

"No, it's fine. _I_ apologize. I'm sorry I'm a little late. I just got back from visiting my grandmother and the cab driver was a little new to this route," she smiled.

"I hadn't even noticed," I smiled back, "Shall we?"

I gestured towards the formal dining room and she walked forward. I looked back at Emmett, who was standing back towards the living room. I shot him a warning glance. He raised his chin, narrowed his eyes once again, and nodded softly. He walked away with a knowing look and disappeared.

I rolled my eyes and met Isabella in the dining room. I closed the door behind us and watched her. She was looking at Emmett and Rosalie's pictures. I went and stood behind her because well…fuck I just wanted to be close to her without actually doing it. She was looking at a picture of Mr. McCarty and Emmett.

"That's his dad," I spoke.

She jumped a little and bumped into my arm. I moved back and she touched her chest. Her heart must have been racing. Isabella looked back at the picture and smiled wistfully.

"They look a lot alike. Does he have a good relationship with him?" she inquired.

"Yeah, Emmett and Emmett Sr. talk all the time. He's a good man. A better man that most," I spoke honestly.

Isabella smiled a small smile once again and walked over to the dining room table. She sat down and dropped her bag to the floor. I took the seat next to her, at the head of the table, and folded my hands.

"So…" I began, "are you hungry or anything?"

She shook her head 'no' and smiled.

"Are you still working on the Dylan Humphrey case?" she wasted no time.

"Yeah, we've hit a brick wall for the most part though."

"Well, I think I may just have your break," she smiled and dug in her bag.

Isabella placed a folder on the table and opened it up. It was a lot of notes, background checks, newspaper clippings, phone numbers, and other random items. I grabbed the folder and looked at some of the rap sheets. They were men I recognized. They were all linked to Fiori and were brought down to headquarters or other precincts every once in a while for questioning or to be brought up on charges.

"What is this?" I looked at her confusedly.

"I don't know if Charlie ever told you this or not but I knew Dylan."

I nodded and told her how sorry I was.

"It's fine. I mean…I wish I could do something for his mother," she looked down at the table, trying to hide the desperation and pain in her eyes.

"It's not your responsibility to save the world," I reminded her.

She laughed once and looked back up at me. Her face was enigmatic.

"But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. Look, the point is that after he was murdered I did a little investigating. The head bartender at the bar Dylan used to go to sometimes is pretty good friends with me. Jacob and his friends play there pretty often so I know him well. I wanted to know if he'd seen any shady characters with Dylan before he was murdered and—"

"Wait! Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. It's just that...well; we _visited_ that bar you mentioned. The bartenders told us they didn't know anything."

"If you'd let me finish Lieutenant," she smirked.

I nodded submissively.

"The bartenders didn't know much but it was just my luck that when I went there that evening there was a man there. He wasn't a regular but when he heard me talking about Dylan he told me he might be able to help. He saw Dylan's picture in the paper after he was murdered. Apparently he'd seen him a few weeks earlier. Dylan was hanging around the docks from time to time.

"He didn't look like he was doing anything suspicious but it was strange for him to be there at the time he was. It was normally around 11 in the morning. The men working the docks are usually pretty preoccupied but there was this one worker. He'd come. Talk to Dylan for a few minutes, give him a hug, and Dylan would disappear."

I sat there and chewed on that for a minute. So if Dylan was at the docks why hadn't anyone reported that they might have information? And why were Fiori's footmen and soldiers so quick to deny any relation to him when there were witnesses. According to Isabella's source, he was there regularly in the fucking _daylight_. Surely they had to think that there might be _someone_ who'd implicate them.

"After I spoke to this man, I visited Dylan's high school. I talked to a couple students that afternoon. None of them were very forthcoming and according to them Dylan was a stand-up kid. I couldn't find much after that but I _did_ brainstorm for a little while and I came up with a couple theories."

"Which are?" I prodded.

"I think Dylan was dealing."

"What makes you think that?" I wondered. That was a pretty big accusation.

She swallowed and looked at the wall across from her while she spoke.

"I remember this one time we were at the bar. I went to use the bathroom…there was this girl. And she was completely strung out. I checked her vitals and her pockets. I took a better look at her clothes and she had Blow on her shirt. She was obviously not sober but she kept saying: Red gave me this…."

It was completely silent. There was no sound, not even the sound of our breathing. Emmett's TV couldn't even break this silence.

"Edward…I talked to those kids in school and they _all_ called Dylan 'Red,'" Isabella looked back at me when she was done and her eyes were cold.

It was like the life had been sucked out of her. My mouth hung open and I didn't even know how to respond. Dylan was a kid she knew. She thought he was a good kid. She'd seen him alive and well, dead and cold. And now she knew another side of him. I knew she didn't want to believe it was true because if it was then things were just as bad as they were when she began her little pseudo-vigilante-writing-service.

Isabella wanted to believe that she was making a difference in even the tiniest of ways. She didn't want to believe what she was fighting against was bigger than she'd imagined. I sighed and my eyebrows furrowed together. I scowled at the rap sheets before me.

"Do you think that man you spoke to could I.D. the man Dylan was meeting with?" I brushed my fingers against the papers.

"No, I already asked him. Those men in there are just my best guesses."

"What do you mean your best guesses?"

She looked back at me and we stared at each other.

"Edward, there's something you need to know if we're going to work together."

I nodded.

"My source is very knowledgeable. There are things that will have to stay between us. And you must understand and accept the fact I cannot reveal him or her under _any_ circumstances. Got it?"

"I understand," I promised verbally.

"Well, the source that I work with isn't involved with Fiori's organization but has tons of inside-knowledge. I'm sure you know Fiori's Trinity, right?"

I nodded once again and waited for her to continue.

"Tenorio, Cassavetes, and Vega all take care of one part of Fiori's less-than-legal business. Vega runs the Cocaine dealing, Tenorio does the racketeering and gambling, and Cassavetes handles firearms. Under the three of them, work dozens of subordinates. Those six men in the folder are the six that I think were responsible for Dylan's 'extra-curricular' employment."

I spread out the rap sheets and looked at each man closely. We hadn't interviewed any of these men yet. We'd only gotten foot soldiers. We needed the Captains, the Consigliore's. It'd take more than good-cop-bad-cop routines to crack them but we'd work on it. I decided in that moment to screw questioning no-name footmen.

This was it. If I wanted to take out Fiori and put him behind bars I needed to get the big evidence and the only way I was going to do that was if I started handling the bigger crimes. It'd be a bitch to investigate and catch them but if were persistent, clever, and smart we'd find a way. Monday it was time to initiate a new game plan. That even included going after the politicians, Peter _fucking_ Herman included.

"We need to go after the politicians."

"What? Edward I thought you were looking for Dylan's killer. They won't know anything about that," she was insistent.

"I want to find Dylan's killer but Fiori is the larger problem right now. My first objective is to get him first. If we find out who Dylan's killer was in the meantime, that's more than great but Fiori _must be taken out_. We're going after Peter Herman. If we press the right buttons on him he'll sing like a canary. He's first."

She looked at me and the worry crease started to form between her pulled eyebrows. She nodded but it wasn't firm like she usually was. I could tell she wasn't completely committed to the new game plan and if she wasn't then that was fine. I _wanted_ her out of danger.

"Isabella, if you want to back out now that's fine. In all honesty I don't think I could live with myself if you got hurt. And things will certainly get dangerous now if we go after Herman and Fiori. I know you signed onto this after Dylan so really…I understand."

"No! I said I was going to help and I am. I'm just a little overwhelmed. I didn't actually think this plan would ever get set into motion. You have to know though…getting to Herman won't be easy. If you do it, it's going to have to be through blackmail or undercover and even then it's a 50/50 shot."

"We can handle the blackmail. I'm sure if we fabricate something and get the evidence to look convincing he'll crack. I mean he's a pretty simple-minded man. I'm sure some phony evidence on hiring a prostitute or embezzling isn't far off the mark."

Isabella nodded and grabbed her folder. She put it in her bag and looked at the table. There was an awkward silence suddenly. My lips parted to say something but she beat me to it.

"So, I didn't realize you lived outside the city," she smiled and glanced at me.

I laughed shakily. _Sweetheart, _I_ knew._

"Yeah, that's something,"

"I wasn't expecting to see you at all. I was utterly shocked when you were at the door."

"No kidding," I mumbled.

She smiled widely and we heard the door slam. I jumped a little and Isabella looked at me with a surprised expression on her face. I stood up and opened the sliding door. I could hear Rosalie yelling.

"EMMETT! What the _HELL_ is Edward's car doing out front? Where is he?!" she snarled.

I looked over my shoulder and Isabella was sitting silently. Her hands were folded on top of the table and her eyes were wide. I think I even saw a faint hint of that blush I saw the other night.

"God damnit, Emmett! We were supposed to have _alone time_ this afternoon. Where is he?" she was _still_ yelling.

All of a sudden she turned the corner and I saw a tall, pissed off, blonde was headed my way. She was carrying a couple Victoria's Secret bags and stomping towards me. I stepped away from the door and waited for the wrath of Rosalie. She raised her arms and was about to yell when she stopped short. Rosalie focused on something behind me and cocked her head to the side. She looked confused.

"Who the hell are you?" she was unconsciously rude.

I looked over my shoulder and Isabella was sitting there, slack jawed. I would have laughed in any other circumstance but I had promised her Rosalie would be cool with us meeting here.

"Rosalie this is a colleague of mine, Is—adora," I almost said Isabella but thought better of it.

I didn't need any more people knowing what she looked like. Something over Rosalie's shoulder caught my eye and I saw Emmett behind her. Rosalie turned around to assumedly ask him what the hell all these people were doing in her house.

"Emmett, tell Rosalie you know my friend _Isadora_, right?" I nodded vigorously behind Rosalie's back.

Emmett looked slightly confused but went along with my horrible fake name. He nodded and told Rosalie that there was an emergency at work and we needed to meet here for safety. Rosalie bought the excuse and didn't say anything else. She gave a rather rushed apology to Isabella and disappeared upstairs. I walked back to the table and sighed heavily.

"I am _so_ sorry. I told Emmett to tell her and he promised me he did. I thought she knew and was okay with this. Look, why don't we go sit out in the backyard? Rosalie might decide to rant again or Emmett might not be able to control his libido and I highly doubt you want to hear either," I laughed.

Isabella giggled quietly and bit her lower lip. She nodded and grabbed her stuff. I took her to the patio and we sat underneath the umbrella. It was drizzling lightly. I stared at Rosalie's little garden while Isabella stared off into space. I was suddenly aware of my attraction and borderline obsession with her again.

When talking about work it was easy to get distracted by the task at hand but when it was just me and her—us—it was so easy to be reminded of my fascination with her. I would glance at her occasionally and each time I did my body felt like it was on fire.

I got this tingling sensation that shot through my forearms to my fingertips. And ever so abruptly I lost my ego and got self-conscious. I wondered what she was thinking about so I asked her. A smile appeared briefly on her lips and she looked at me with soft eyes.

"I was just thinking that I hope everything I do really does have meaning to it."

I cocked my head to the side and studied her. Even with that response there was still _so_ much going on in the pretty little head of hers that I was unaware of.

"I love what I do but sometimes I feel like I was meant to do so much more with my life than I already am. I feel this compulsion to do something great for the world and leave my mark—to transcend all the everyday and do something meaningful and powerful. That's why I write the things I do. It's my gift and to me it's my responsibility to make a difference with it and not in the obvious way. I don't want to write an inspirational book or award-winning novel. I just want my writing to affect people.

"Make them stand up and take the initiative—to do even greater things than I aspire. Some people can change the lives of others through music. I want to change the lives of people through my dedication to justice. I _want_ people to challenge the status quo if it's unjust. I want people live for the principles upon which lives of peace and tranquility were meant for us. Do you ever feel that way sometimes? Like you're still trying to find your purpose. Like you're supposed to do something so simple but with that you'll make the world just a little better."

I nodded because even though I wasn't trying to fix the world like this incredible woman next to me was doing I knew I had a deep compulsion to at least fix my city. And I did have a deep-rooted compulsion to find my purpose in life and do something with it.

Isabella looked at me once more and then looked back at the yard. I looked down at my shoes and wondered if she had these sorts of conversations with Jacob or if maybe these secret aspirations were something she only felt comfortable telling me because I didn't know her well enough to judge. I didn't care. I was glad she was open with me like this.

I wanted to know everything about her and that statement alone told me a lot. It added to my insane interest in her. And I'd be damned if that didn't make _me _want to be better person too and do something great for humanity. I wanted to be a good person the same way she was. I wanted to be honest the way she was.

"Why did you tell Rosalie my name was Isadora?"

My head snapped to hers and she was smiling.

"I guess I just thought it'd be better if we had one less person who knew your identity," I replied truthfully.

"Edward, you don't have to lie to her. I really doubt Rosalie will tell anyone. Besides I just feel wrong, lying about my identity to someone who's letting me in their home," she spoke quietly.

A blanket of silence fell over us again when I thought of something.

"Hey, Isabella?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to Charlie's Christmas dinner thing next month?" I wondered.

She froze.

"Why?" she responded with a touch of anxiety coloring her voice.

"I don't know. I just thought maybe he invited you. You two are friends and all," I looked at her closely to study her reaction.

"Yes, actually. I am going."

"Really?"

"Mhm."

"Cool."

"Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering I guess," I said nonchalantly but on the inside I was screaming like a little girl.

"Do you have to wear your uniform?" she smirked.

I chuckled.

"Yes, we do. The mayor is going to be there and stuff. It's the city's annual Christmas Banquet held by the Chief. It would be crude not to dress formally," I smiled back and spoke with mock horror at the thought. She giggled back.

"Are you bringing Vanessa?"

This time I stiffened.

"Um, no. Vanessa and I kind of broke up," I didn't really want to admit that.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I'm sure you're really upset," she seemed genuinely apologetic.

"No, it's fine. It was sort of a long time coming."

She nodded understandingly and looked down at the ground.

"Can I ask you something?"

She nodded without looking up from the floor.

"How long have you and Jacob been dating?"

Isabella finally looked at me and an inexplicable emotion flashed through her eyes. She paused and looked back down at the floor before she answered.

"Um, I guess you could say we've been officially dating for two years but I've known him for much longer," she replied somewhat cryptically.

I decided to leave it alone and broach the subject another day. Rosalie knocked on the sliding glass doors behind us and stepped outside with Emmett. They sat at the patio with us and I decided then that I would tell Rosalie the truth about Isabella, especially since she was actually here.

"Hey, Rose. I have something to tell you," I began.

Rosalie raised her eyebrows and folded her arms across her chest.

"I have to be honest. I lied earlier."

Rosalie scowled and waited for me to explain myself. I glanced at Isabella and she knew what I was attempting so she helped me out. She leaned forward and sat in a more approachable and casual position.

"What Edward means to say, Rosalie, is that um…my name is Isabella Woods. Not Isadora. I'm a reporter for the _Seattle Weekly Journal_ and well, the subject of my identity is highly sensitive. Edward thought it best to keep as few people in the know about my identity as possible but I felt it was wrong to not tell you who I really was. You've opened up your home to me and it's the least I can do in return," she spoke confidently and politely.

I chanced a look at Rosalie and my jaw dropped when I noticed how surprised and not livid she looked. Emmett and I made eye contact while Isabella just sat there and awaited Rosalie's reaction.

"You're the girl who slapped Edward?" Rosalie finally spoke.

I groaned and slammed my head down onto the patio table. Emmett guffawed and Isabella giggled a little.

"Um, yes I guess I am."

I looked back up at the three of them with an expression of un-amusement.

"Will I never live that down?"

"Nope," Emmett laughed.

I shook my head and muttered a 'thanks' to Isabella. She shrugged her shoulders and smiled widely. I wanted to be mad at her for not helping me out but she so looked so beautiful smiling like that that I didn't even care. Hell, I was beginning to feel like I'd let her slap me again if it meant she smiled wide and beautiful like that. The embarrassment was endurable if she smiled like that.

A few hours and Rosalie's dinner later I was waiting with Isabella at the front door. I was giving her a ride home due to the fact I was:

A. not cool with her taking a cab,

B. pathetic enough that I wanted to drop her home,

C. anxious to do the whole "So this is where you live?" thing with her,

D. informed that Jacob was unaware of her meetings with me and her current whereabouts (so him picking her up was out of the question), and

E. just totally obsessed with this girl.

I let her direct me to her house and completely played up the façade that I had no idea where she lived. I got close to revealing my little secret once but covered it up skillfully. Once we were outside her house I didn't want to let her go. This afternoon and whole day had been perfect. She got along perfectly with Emmett and Rosalie. She made me laugh but still managed to argue enough that things were never dull.

She told me things about herself and revealed things that made me confused and so certain at the same time. She was honest and I loved it. But mostly I just had a small dose of what she was like and I was hooked. I wanted more. I wanted everything. And just like that bitchy girl from _Willy Wonka,_ I wanted it now. I didn't want to have to wait until our next meeting.

A friendship was out of the question though. Things would get complicated and fast. I didn't want to put her in that situation so I'd let things stay the way they were even if I slowly died until I saw her again. Her hand hesitated on the passenger door handle.

"Thanks for meeting with me, Edward. I really had fun afterwards too. Rosalie and Emmett are great. Call me and let me know what your plan with Herman will be. I'd like to help," she smiled.

"Absolutely. I'll see you soon?" I hoped.

"Soon," she agreed and opened the door.

She slammed it shut and walked up the front walkway to her home. She waved over her shoulder and I drove off. I don't even really remember how I got home or getting into the apartment because I was in a daze. My life was euphoric in a way it had never been. It didn't feel empty. It felt like it had liveliness to it. Isabella was like the Technicolor to my black-and-white. I fell onto my bed in a heap. My jaw was beginning to hurt from smiling but I couldn't help it.

* * *

Three weeks later I was getting ready to meet Isabella again. We had plans for a stake out on Herman's office and home. I was just about to get in the shower when my cell phone went off. It was Vanessa's house phone. I rolled my eyes and sent the call to voicemail. Vanessa had tried calling me numerous times since our break-up and I ignored them. I had seen her about five days afterward and from then on we hadn't spoken.

_Flashback_

_I was walking through the lobby on my way to lunch when I felt an arm grab me. I immediately went defensive and almost knocked the person out. When I realized who it was I was frozen. It was Vanessa and she looked haggard. Her eyes were bloodshot as if she'd been drinking or crying a lot and she was in bummy clothes. _

_Once we made eye contact the tears started to well up in her eyes again. I hugged her to me slightly and sighed. I didn't want to give her the wrong impression but I didn't want to be completely heartless either, especially not after the weekend I'd had. I was finally feeling good about life._

_To avoid a scene I took Vanessa to my car and we sat inside. It was silent. I knew she wanted to talk, otherwise she wouldn't have come but she was still sobbing. She couldn't speak. I felt horrible, knowing I'd done this to her, but at the same time I knew I'd given her fair warning. _

_Besides it was better that we'd ended things. There was no way I could be with her again. I'd just continue to unleash my unconscious destruction on her and she deserved much better. I held my head in my hands and waited for her to speak. I just needed to know what she wanted._

"_Vanessa? Are you going to say anything?" I spoke softly._

_She looked at me and tried desperately to keep herself together._

"_Ed-Edward…I wa-was fired," she cried._

_My eyes widened. What do you say to someone who's lost their job? For some reason 'my condolences' or 'I'm sorry' seemed inadequate to even dream of saying out loud._

"_What happened?" I tried._

"_Edward, I'm falling apart. I can't be without you," she sniffed._

"_Vanessa, we can't. We tried it. It doesn't work. All I end up doing is hurting you. It's better this way."_

"_How is it better if we're not together?"_

"_Because I can't hurt you anymore. You deserve someone better than me, someone who can love you and be devoted to you. I tried. It's not me," I attempted to explain._

"_Edward, please! Just give me another chance. We can try again. I promise I won't push you as much," she pled._

"_I'm sorry. We can't. Look, I think you should go home. Lie down and rest. You're obviously very worked up right now. Is Jules home?"_

_She shook her head and sniffed again. I opened my glove compartment and searched for tissues. I handed her the pack and patted her hand. It was an insignificant and almost insulting gesture but I wasn't sure what else to do. I turned the engine on and drove to Vanessa's apartment. _

_We parked outside for another ten minutes before I urged her to go back inside. She broke down once again and finally left. Once she was gone, I drove back to headquarters and buried myself in work. It was a much needed and welcomed distraction._

_End Flashback_

When I came back from the shower, my cell phone was going off like crazy. I groaned and grabbed the stupid machine. _I was off today! _I glanced at the caller I.D. and it was Captain Oliveros. I picked up because I knew he'd only call me if it were important.

"Hello?"

"Edward?"

"Emmett?" I wondered.

"Yeah. Hey. Um, you _really_ need to come down to headquarters," he sounded nervous and anxious.

That was a bad sign.

"Why? Is everything okay? I mean I kind of have plans with Isabella today. You know that."

"Yeah but they're definitely cancelled for right now. Call her on the way but get your ass down here already. I'll explain more when you get here."

"Emmett I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on," I protested.

"Edward, I know you're my boss but fuck right now you need to just listen to me. If you need Oliveros to make the order more official so be it. Just get the fuck down here _now_," his voice had no more room for argument.

"Okay," I agreed.

* * *

Another cliffhanger....

I'm just getting deviant, aren't I? Oh and just a warning there might be another one coming up soon. Get used to it. The dramatics are starting to flare up in this story if you couldn't tell.

Just a note for all you Bella & Edward smut lovers. My best friend/kind-of-but-not-really beta/and Queen of Sexual Positions, Steph, is getting two side-shots dedicated to her. They will be involving the _Secret_ story and characters (Bella & Edward) but will be unrelated to the story. They're just gratuitous smut. So if you would like to be notified when I post them this week, add me to your author alert.

As always there's fun to be had at the Secret board on Twilighted so stop by.


	12. Chapter 12

This was meant to be posted yesterday but I've actually been quite busy since I've gotten back from New York. I saw _The Curious Case of Benjamin Button_ this evening, which I _highly_ recommend. This is just a warning as well, I'll be starting my new semester on Tuesday so updates might be slow again. I have class Tuesday's and Thursday's this semester so we'll see how it goes.

Chapter Song: Prelude for Piano No. 4 in E Minor, Op. 28 by Chopin (It just helped set the tone for me really well while writing this)

_I don't own Twilight, but I _will_ own a copy of the DVD very soon ;)_

* * *

I got dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I ran down to the Volvo and skipped the elevator. I resorted to the trusty siren once again and sped like a madman down to headquarters. Once I was parked, I got out, and called Emmett to find out where I should meet him. He told me to see Oliveros so I went there first.

Right as I stepped off the elevator I began to get nervous. I was getting stares from people as I made my wall down the hall. They all seemed accusatory or apologetic and either one was bad. I knocked on Captain Olivero's door and for a split second hoped that this was a dream. I had no idea what was wrong but if it had anything to do with Isabella I knew I'd lose it.

Emmett opened the door and ushered me in. I stood off to the side and Captain Oliveros looked at me nervously. He had a manila folder and an envelope on his desk. The envelope was facedown. Emmett closed the door behind me and I saluted the Captain.

"Edward, I think maybe you should take a seat," Emmett suggested and took the seat next to me.

I sat down hesitantly and waited. I just wanted someone to tell me what the hell was going on already. I placed my hands on my knees to calm myself. The anxiety was getting to me.

"Edward, are you armed?" Captain Oliveros spoke.

"Yes, sir. My gun has the safety on though," I answered confusedly.

"Lieutenant, I need your gun."

I cocked my head to the side. What the hell was going on? Was I in trouble? I immediately began trying to think of what I could have done wrong. I always followed protocol. There was no way. I blindly grabbed my gun from my holster and placed it on the desk. He removed the clip and returned the gun back to me. I glanced at Emmett and his expression was guarded.

"Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on already?" I managed not to yell.

"There's no easy way of saying this Lieutenant but your ex-girlfriend is dead. She died from a drug overdose," Captain Oliveros stared at me.

I felt a burning sensation in my nostrils and tears started to form at the bottom of my eyes. I couldn't even process this. Vanessa was dead? There was no way. She'd just called me an hour ago.

"Ar-Are you sure?" I shook my head.

I looked at Emmett pleadingly and he looked like he was ready to break down himself. He nodded his head sorrowfully and his jaw flexed. I looked at the generic carpet below me and let out a shaky breath.

"Edward, I am _so_ sorry," Emmett spoke quietly.

That did it for me. My head fell between my knees and I lost it. Because if Emmett was telling me he was sorry then I knew it was true. I didn't cry or anything but my body just felt _heavy_. I squeezed my eyes shut and begged God to make this a sick joke. I hadn't spoken to Him much but if He could make this go away I'd be eternally indebted.

I didn't want this. I didn't want to Vanessa to _die_. Just because my heart wasn't for her didn't mean I cared about her any less. And things had been going so great. Why couldn't I catch a damn break?

And then I thought about what the Captain had told me. She'd died from a drug overdose. Why was she taking drugs again? Had I really ruined her that much? God, I wanted to kill myself. My hands were shaking violently and I couldn't make them stop.

"Edward," Emmett called my name.

I looked up at him from between my knees. I knew the color from my face was draining. I probably looked like a ghost. The nausea I'd felt weeks earlier in my office with Isabella was back. I swallowed to make it go away but my tongue felt like glue.

"Edward, there's something for you. She…she left a letter."

I looked back at the floor and debated whether or not I wanted that letter. Did I want to know her final words to me? They'd be, justifiably, words of hate. I was doing a lot of self-loathing right now and I wasn't sure how healthy it was for me to receive some more.

I looked at Captain Oliveros and his face was a perfected mask of indifference. It was completely blank, something he'd had to learn from decades as a police officer. He picked up the non-descript, white envelope I noticed from earlier and held it out to me. I barely lifted my hand and took it. It felt like I had the fate of the world in my hand.

"Can I have a minute?" my voice was coarse and thick.

Captain Oliveros flashed a look at Emmett before deciding if it was a good idea or not. Emmett patted my shoulder and told me they'd be right outside. I nodded and stared at the letter. Vanessa's swirly handwriting was trademark. I had my hard evidence that this was not, in fact, a lie. I opened the envelope and took out the sheet of white paper. I flipped it over and a mess of black swirls filled the sheet—my name at the top.

_Edward,_

_By the time you read this letter you'll know the truth. I promise as I write this I'm sober. It's the one time of day I'm sober. When Jules is home. I've thought about this for a while now and I feel like it's the only way. There's nothing to live for anymore. I have no family, no job, no education, no one to love. I'm sick of being unhappy and empty. I've tried so hard to make something great for myself and it hasn't worked out. I just don't see the point anymore. Please don't blame yourself for what's happened. I think I've always known my life would end up this way someday. I'm tired of fighting it and being such a failure. It had to end this way. My time is up. I don't need to waste anymore time here. I'll be in a better place I hope._

_I only want you to know how much I loved you. It was my fault the way things ended and it was my fault that you were so unhappy. If I could go back and change things I would but I don't get anymore second chances. I know one day you'll find someone. You're too great of a guy to miss out on love. You just need to open your heart. What happened with your father and in your life isn't your fault and it's unfair to close yourself off. And when you meet this special person make sure you tell them you love them every single day. I think I'm proof enough that people aren't around as long as you expect them to be._

_Always Yours & With So Much Love,_

_Vanessa_

I folded the letter back up after my ninth time of reading it. I couldn't believe she was blaming herself for the way things ended. It made me feel even guiltier for her life being over. A part of me was angry at her for being so stupid as well. She couldn't take this back. We couldn't take it back and fix it or try again. She just went and offed herself as if there weren't people on this earth that cared about her.

I loved her. I truly did. Maybe not in the romantic way but I could finally admit to myself I loved her. And it was too late. If I'd gotten to her just a day earlier maybe I could have convinced her to get help. I stood up and opened the door to the office. Emmett and Captain Oliveros were standing there with a cup of coffee in hand. Emmett offered me one but I refused.

"Can I see her?" I croaked.

Emmett's eyes involuntarily widened. He looked at Oliveros.

"Please," I begged.

The Captain nodded and jerked his head towards Emmett. Emmett set down his cup of coffee and took out his car keys. We went to the morgue in silence. I could tell in the car he wanted to say something but didn't quite have the words. I wanted to open my mouth and tell him not to worry about it but I couldn't bring myself to care. I was too focused on everything that was happening right now.

Emmett spoke to the medical examiner for a few minutes before he led me to one of the examination rooms. I wasn't allowed inside. I knew why they were keeping me out and instead of fighting with them about it I surrendered. They were probably right anyway. I wasn't sure if I could control myself if I saw her icy corpse.

I stood in front of the glass window and waited. They brought the body out and as soon as I saw her, tears started to form again. Her eyes were closed and slightly bruised. I'd never see her piercing blue eyes again and it pained me more than I could ever imagine.

Her normally tan skin was much lighter than I'd ever expected to see it. Her skin seemed pasty and despite the fact I'd come across many dead bodies in my job I couldn't control the nausea that was overwhelming me once again.

I backed away abruptly from the glass and ran blindly into the bathroom. I burst into the stall and relieved myself into the toilet. I sat down and leaned against the stall door. My body was too weak to even consider standing up. I heard the door creak and footsteps.

"Edward? Are you okay?" I heard Emmett's distinct voice.

My jaw locked and my eyebrows pulled together. What did it matter now if I'm okay? I should be worried about Jules. I should be worried about what Vanessa's parents will think of the news. No matter how cruel they've been to her in the past I can't imagine them not being devastated by the news of their only daughter's death.

My skull felt like it was being pushed together. The migraine I was suddenly suffering from was the most intense pressure I'd ever felt. I mumbled something incoherent to Emmett and sighed. I wasn't sure how long I sat there in silence and bore a whole into the ceramic toilet bowl with my stare. All I remembered was Emmett helping me up and leaning my body against his as he took me back to headquarters.

Eventually I was on the couch in Emmett's office, staring at the ceiling. I didn't have it in me to go back home yet. I couldn't be by myself. I was already teetering on the edge of sanity as it was. Emmett asked me if I wanted Rosalie to stop by but I refused. I didn't need any more witnesses to the mess I was turning into.

"Edward. I know you. I know what you're thinking and it's not your fault what happened to Vanessa. She had a lot of issues. You know that better than anyone. You can't blame yourself," Emmett's deep voice broke the silence.

I turned my head to the left slowly to see him looking at me with a pained expression behind his desk. It didn't match him. Emmett was always so lively and my self-loathing was taking a toll on him as well. I felt guilty for allowing myself to affect so many people so strongly. I turned back and stared at ceiling.

I hadn't spoken much in these last few hours. Clearly my words and actions were more powerful than I imagined. I didn't want to take any chances anymore. Emmett sighed heavily and stood up from his desk. I never actually looked at him but I could tell from my peripheral vision. He walked out the door and I sighed as well.

I closed my eyes and tried to only remember the good moments with Vanessa but my mind was being invaded by the awful sight of her dead body and the way she looked so desperate the last time I'd seen her alive. I couldn't believe that I even needed to make a distinction now for Vanessa. Memories of when she was alive versus when she was dead.

I decided to get a cup of water and get some fresh air to relieve myself of the nauseous feeling. I got up slowly from the couch and walked at a snail's pace to the water dispenser. I walked casually down the hall when I noticed her.

Jules was sitting in the corner, on a bench, in tears. My body immediately responded to the fact I was actually in the same vicinity as her. From what little Emmett had filled me in on I discovered Vanessa has been found by Jules. My heart ached for this poor girl who'd be haunted by the memory of her best friend being unresponsive, cold, and dead. The vision of her corpse in the morgue would be nothing in comparison to finding Vanessa dead.

And as much as I longed to do something and take the pain from Jules the harsh reality was that I couldn't. Due to my carelessness with a broken young woman, she'd been inadvertently dragged into one of the painful things she'd ever live through and it wasn't related to her at all. It was about Vanessa and me but, of course, I couldn't ruin everything in life if I didn't drag someone innocent down with me. I was a pathetic life form. No good could come from me _ever_. Even when I tried I just ended up messing things up even more catastrophically.

My fight or flight instinct kicked in but before I could act on either option, Juliana's honey brown eyes looked up. They were bloodshot and the rims were puffy. I could tell she'd probably not slept for at least a day and been crying for hours—crying for her best friend who would never come home, thanks to me. Her eyes narrowed minutely and I could see the tell-tale accusation in them and I could never fault her for feeling that way. She had every right to.

"Edward?" her voice was thick and raspy.

"Jules…"

Jules took a deep breath and her eyes narrowed further. Just the sound of my voice uttering her name was infuriating I'm sure.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in a severe way. Almost as if I didn't have the right to be in the building.

"My boss called me in. I didn't realize you were still here. I thought you'd gone home by now," I tried to explain.

"I can't go back there. Not yet. Probably not ever…" her voice grew sad and her eyes started to water again.

"Jules, I am so—," she cut me off before I could finish.

"Edward, don't even say it. I don't want to hear that from anyone right now, especially you. Gosh…just…how _stupid_ could you be? You _knew _she had problems and you went and tossed her away like one of your other girls. She thought you cared about her. Hell, _I_ thought you cared about her. That's why I didn't warn her right away but I guess you had us all fooled. The day you _ever_ feel sorry for anything, Edward Masen…" she grew even more accusatory but stopped herself.

I wanted to explain myself. I wanted to tell her that was never my intention but my words and breath would be useless—just as my being here on Earth at that moment was useless. I was worthless in her eyes and I knew she was right. I hadn't taken enough care with Vanessa.

She was fragile and I was callous. It was _my_ responsibility to be the careful one. I opened my mouth to say something back but the fierce look in Jules' eyes stopped me short. I'd never have the words to express how sorry I was to her.

"There will be a wake tomorrow afternoon. It's at four o'clock at the Simon & Gregory Funeral Home. I don't really recommend coming but I'm not entirely sure if that will stop you anyway," Jules looked at me with a condescending look and walked away.

I stood frozen as her shoulder brushed past mine. Even the force she'd tried to put into it couldn't stop me from moving. I closed my eyes and the silent tears started to fall down my cheeks. I couldn't remember the last time I'd cried but it came naturally to me as the hot tears streamed down my face and dropped off my jaw. I felt feverish and my migraine was still throbbing.

I'd never known such pain in my life. I never understood how emotional pain could be so intense, even when my father left me I'd never felt such guilt, remorse, self-hate, desperation, loneliness, helplessness, and remoteness. I was completely unmotivated. A quiet, almost silent, sob broke through from my chest. And then I heard her voice—the voice of an angel.

"Edward?" she asked quietly.

I knew that voice better than anything in the entire world. Every time I missed it I tried to remember it. It was so much better in reality. In that second, I wanted nothing more than to just run into her small arms and bury my face into her hair. I wanted to hide from the world and hide from the evil that I was.

I'd always spent so much time denying the fact I was "that bad" but today's events proved me wrong. I peeled my eyes open but she wasn't there. I was about to assume I'd imagined it when she repeated my name again. I turned around and there she was, looking sad and worn as if she'd been affected by the news as well. I didn't want her to be. She should _never_ feel sad over me, especially if this mess was at my own hands.

I started to tear again and she gave me a sad smile. I couldn't handle seeing her like this so I stalked off into the men's room. I locked myself into a stall and willed myself to control my emotions better. I wasn't sure how long I sat there but after what felt like a solid ten minutes I decided to go back out.

As I opened the bathroom door I saw her leaning across the hall from me against a wall. Her brow was slightly furrowed and she was still looking at me with glazed eyes.

"Can we go somewhere?" I whispered. I just needed someone. I needed her.

Her expression flickered with surprise before she smiled a small but sweet smile.

"Of course," she responded in a breathy, light, and reassuring voice.

She placed her hand on my forearm and my insides tingled a bit. We decided to eat at a diner just a few blocks down. I wasn't much for conversation but her prompting and my nods or head shakes gave away what plans I was satisfied with. We sat in a booth that was nearer to the back and more isolated.

The waitress, who normally came onto me, looked at me with surprise. I could only assume how obvious it was that I was falling to pieces. My physical appearance probably didn't look much better than that of Vanessa's the last time I'd seen her.

I'd taken it upon myself to consider the "What If's" for the last twenty minutes. What if I hadn't said what I said to Vanessa? What if I never agreed to seeing her in the first place? What if we'd never met? What if Isabella had never stepped into my life and changed everything? At that last one I forced myself to stop.

She was now in my life, as a partner or not, and I refused to imagine myself without her. Isabella had made far too much of an impression in these weeks I'd known her than anyone in my entire life. She challenged me—made me better; made me doubt what I had taken as the self-truths of my existence. Maybe she'd make me doubt that I was this truly evil person I now viewed myself as wholeheartedly.

The part of me that vainly hoped I was an inherently good person was praying she'd save me from my self-loathing. I must have seemed distracted and pensive because Isabella's voice pulled me out of my inner-monologue.

"Hey," she reached out her hand and placed it on my own, which were folded on the tabletop.

I looked at her with needy eyes. I probably looked like a puppy dog with my frown and sad eyes but I wasn't even trying to be charming. It was just the only expression I could manage.

"Edward, I'm so sorry about what's happened but please just be here with me. _Just me_," she begged.

I averted my eyes to the table to avoid her deep and passionate brown ones. I nodded submissively and looked at our joined hands. I folded my left one over and held her small hand in mine. The difference in size should have been comical but all I could think about was how _right_ it felt there.

"Thank you," I whispered.

She squeezed my hand in response and I finally looked at her.

"It's going to be okay. I promise you're going to be okay. I'm here for you," she promised.

And I believed her because she was the most honest person I had ever met.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty? I'm pretty hungry. I missed lunch," she made small talk and slid my menu across the table.

I opened the menu and looked at the selection with no interest. I had a feeling I'd probably throw it all up later. Nausea was beginning to become a regular thing for me. Isabella offered to order for me so I pointed out what I wanted or at least what I'd be attempting to have.

"Hi, I'll have a Diet Coke and a tuna-melt with fries. And he'll have a Coke with a double cheeseburger and fries," I heard her light and lovely voice while I brushed the light hair on my forearm.

"So…Charlie says I have to dress up nice for this Christmas banquet," I heard her say and even without looking at her I knew she was smiling.

I looked up because I was wishing it was the huge smile that I knew would make everything better. And I was granted my wish. The right side of my mouth turned up only slightly and her smile grew wider.

"I knew the thought of seeing _me_ in a dress would make anyone laugh," she giggled.

I kind of snorted/sighed and she exhaled happily in surprise. I would die to see her in a dress. She was positively beautiful.

"I'm not sure what I'll wear. I'm not so great with the dress shopping. I don't own very many 'special occasion clothes.' My line of work, calls for button-downs and slacks—at the most—when I dress up. Leah isn't much help either and Rebecca is too busy with school to just blow an entire day shopping and Emily is back in La Push. I'm pretty low on options," she sighed.

"Alice would die to help you," I smiled diminutively.

"Who's Alice?" Isabella asked curiously.

I wasn't sure if she realized this would be a good avenue to continue my speaking or if she was genuinely interested in whom Alice was. I assumed it was both.

"She's my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She is just engaged to my step-brother, Jasper," I explained.

"Oh, yes. I remember you mentioning him before. I didn't realize he's engaged. That's great. Are you excited? Do you like her?" she wondered and cocked her head to the side.

"Yeah, Alice is a great girl. She's got enough spunk to lighten Jasper up every once in a while and she's just a really good person. Alice is a pretty well-known designer in Chicago. Her store, or whatever word she uses for it, is really popular. It's small but everyone goes there. Her clothes cost a fortune," I elaborated.

"Boutique?" Isabella guessed with a smirk.

"Yeah, whatever. Store, boutique…same difference," I grumbled.

Alice was very particular about her store being called a boutique. I called it a store because well, that's what it was, and because I loved to push her buttons. The thought made me smile quickly.

"I thought you weren't good with the shopping stuff?" I asked.

"I may not be good at shopping but I do happen to know the difference between a store and a boutique," she laughed while the waitress placed our food and drinks on the table.

I caught how the waitress seemed pleased with the slight change in my disposition. It almost made me want to laugh. She didn't know me from a hole in the wall. I just came in, ate, and left whenever I ate here. I shrugged at Isabella and started to eat my food. The burger was good and it tasted even better after my stomach being so raw and empty today. I was practically starting to inhale my food.

"Whoa! Slow down there Lieutenant! You'll get sick," Isabella warned and looked at me expectantly as she took a sip of her soda.

I slowed down a bit but continued to eat almost rabidly. I hadn't even realized how starved I was. It seemed trivial in comparison to everything that happened today. I even started to feel a little guilty for enjoying the burger and not spending every second of my time now mourning over Vanessa. It felt like an insult to her memory. I put the burger down and stopped eating. I stared at the half-eaten burger and the mess of fries that sat next to it. I heard Isabella sigh and I looked at her instinctively.

"Edward, I meant slow down not stop eating. I know what you're doing right now. It's okay to have a minute for yourself. Vanessa wouldn't want you stopping yourself from eating just to get all detached and closed off again," she spoke.

It cut me to hear her speak Vanessa's name. I knew she was trying to make me feel better and I could never be cross with Isabella for doing it but it just didn't feel right hearing her speak about Vanessa as if she knew her. It was odd and strange. It didn't fit. I pushed my plate to the side and held my head in my hands. I felt Isabella's small hands rest on mine; trying to pry them from the iron-lock grip they had on my hair.

"Edward, please look at me."

I shook my head and stayed the same.

"Fine! Then I'm just going to say this anyway. You are beating yourself up for something that wasn't your fault. I can't say what happened with you two during or after the time you dated but you had no responsibility in Vanessa ending her life. It was _her_ decision. It's useless for you to waste away and lose yourself in this depression you're going through. I know it'll take time to heal but don't shut us out.

"Everyone around you is here for you and wants to help you through this situation. I know we've only known each other a few short weeks and things haven't always been pleasant but I want to be there for you. I can't relate to what you're going through but you can help me to understand. I want to understand. I want to be the one you lean on for support. I trust you. I need you to trust me…"

I could feel my eyebrows pull together in frustration. She had given me all her trust in these last few weeks and for no reason other than her instinct. Why couldn't I give her the same in response? Maybe I needed someone. Maybe I just needed to ask for help instead of just relying on myself to get through this. I couldn't handle _everything_ on my own, could I?

Maybe this was my opportunity to take down my wall slowly and really allow someone into my life. I nodded while I stared at the table. There were silver flecks and I'd never been so captivated by them in my whole life. I was avoiding looking at her. Her small hand covered mine once again and brushed my hands with a silent plea for me to just _look_ at her.

I glanced up and her eyes were grave. They needed to know I'd make good on this promise. I'd trust her and she'd help me through this.

"I trust you," I spoke honestly.

It was the complete truth. I was going to trust her because I had no reason to do so otherwise. Isabella had proven herself as the most honest person I'd ever met. And despite our squabbling she was the greatest person I'd ever met. She'd taken on the task of helping me in my time of need and it wasn't her responsibility. She owed me nothing yet she was giving me everything.

She was giving me a part of her which would be more than I would ever deserve. I grabbed her hand in mine firmly and squeezed it. I scooted out of the booth so we could head back to headquarters together. She allowed me to hold her hand in mine as we left and walked back to headquarters.

I wondered if it was because she felt the same feeling of _rightness_ that I felt when I held it or if she was appeasing the crazy she was now promising to be there for. Our walk back to headquarters was comfortable and casual.

"When we get to headquarters I'd like to stop upstairs and see Charlie if you don't mind," she spoke from my right side.

I nodded and let go of her hand as headquarters came into view. Our distance became more pronounced as we entered the building and I was saddened by that realization. Why did it feel like such a crime to be her friend? I didn't dwell on the remoteness that invaded our relationship once again and said goodbye as I got off on my floor.

Emmett noticed the change in my disposition and smiled pleasantly. I suddenly realized he was probably the one who sent Isabella to cheer me up. I didn't feel cheerful but I felt lighter than I did before she showed up. We entered my office in silence and sat across from each other.

There were no words. It was just a silent understanding of how the other felt. It'd be hard to move past what happened today but I'd do it. With the help of Emmett and Isabella and all the other people who cared about me. After about twenty minutes Emmett finally spoke and the conversation flowed easily. We laughed about our first years as cops together. What it was like being a rookie. And he returned the magazine from my gun.

An hour later, I realized Isabella still hadn't stopped by so I decided to check Charlie's office before I went home. As I stepped off onto Charlie's floor I noticed how dark it was. The sun was setting much earlier these days and the sky was currently a deep navy. The city lights were a brilliant contrast to dark background. A few desk lamps were on but there wasn't much sign of activity.

It was Saturday and Charlie's secretary had left already. I rounded the corner for Charlie's office and stopped short when I noticed the lights in his office were on. The blinds were open and I could see Isabella leaning her palms on his desk, staring at him intently while he sat casually across from her in his chair.

"Dad, I can't tell him yet," I could hear her voice more clearly now.

_Dad?_ I started to get a sick feeling in my stomach. Maybe Valence was right. Maybe they _were_ together and had a sick relationship where he played father and she played daughter. The nausea was making a reappearance.

"Bella, it's not fair to him. You said he trusts you. Trust him. You guys have gotten closer it's only fair," Charlie responded.

_Bella?_ Whoa. This was getting really weird.

"It's not that I don't trust him. It's just that I don't know if it's such a good idea now. He's going through a lot. You didn't see him today. He needs us. The last thing I need to do is upset him and tell him the truth."

"Bella Swan if you don't tell him, I will. The longer you wait and the more attached you two get to each other the worse it'll be for him. You saw firsthand how he crumbles in situations like this. It's hard for him to trust and open up to people. You need to respect that he's willing to give you his trust so easily. Now, tell him or so help me I'll involve your mother," Charlie threatened.

"Oh, God! Dad! _Please_ don't involve Renee in this. She's the last person I need to talk to."

_Renee?_ Holy shit. It all made sense now. I'd heard something once or twice about Charlie having a daughter but a lot of times it sounded like a freaking myth or something. I felt like I'd maybe heard a Bella in there….

So _Isabella Woods_ was Bella Swan.

A big gust of air felt like it had knocked me over. I couldn't believe she'd been lying this whole time about who she was. Why couldn't she tell me? I obviously was good at keeping secrets. Why couldn't she trust me? She told me she did. She could trust me enough to tell me things about herself and work with me but she couldn't tell me her fucking identity? I was abruptly angry.

I stalked off in the opposite direction and took the stairs. I couldn't even wait for the elevator. I didn't want to risk the chance of running into her. I was so mad and hurt at the same time. I'd given her my trust today and she'd broken it hours later. I'd swear it was a new record. Con-fucking-gratulations Ms. Swan.

* * *

Okay so there's a lot to take in this chapter. Please tell me your thoughts in a review or on the Secret thread at Twilighted. I know many of you are wondering about the side-shots as well but I had to put them on a hiatus for a bit to really have a specific tone while writing this chapter. This was a hard one for me.

I've also started a new blog. Within the hour I should have a post on my thoughts about this chapter. It may help you understand my reasoning for doing certain things better if you read it. There's a content warning on the site but currently there's nothing M-rated worthy. It's just for safety purposes due to the fact this is a M-rated story. Just go ahead and click that you're okay with it if you'd like to read it.

Link: twilighter620rr(dot)blogspot(dot)com


	13. Chapter 13

I wrote this chapter in two hours last night so I had to post it. I love it in a way that's different from my other chapters. It's just special.

If you aren't aware or haven't read it - one of the side-shots are up. The story is posted on my profile so you can go ahead and check that out. Thanks Steph for giving me the idea in the first place!

Song for this chapter: John Mayer's beautiful song "Dreaming With a Broken Heart"

_I don't own Twilight but I _do_ own a sweet guy named Trigger ;)_

* * *

Ten hours.

That's how long it'd been since I left headquarters.

I was lying on the floor of my living room, staring out the window, at the city skyline. My head hurt from the hardwood floor but I took my pain and endured it. It felt like a small form of compensation. I was making myself sick to compensate for Vanessa's death. It was now four o'clock in the morning, according to my cable box.

I'd been trying to sleep for hours but found myself restless. I had considered sleeping at Emmett's because I really didn't want to come back to this apartment but I couldn't let my friends suffer through my depression. Rosalie and Emmett had their own lives to live and I didn't need my problems to get become the dark cloud above them. It wasn't fair to them. I had to face myself alone.

I couldn't count the number of times I closed my eyes and opened them, just to test the "this-is-a-nightmare-theory." I still couldn't actually process the fact Vanessa would never walk through my apartment door anymore, or drive me crazy with her incessant questions, or cook really amazing omelets in the morning, or smile with pride when she saw one of her editorials in a magazine, or complain that my music was too weird (although a week later she'd love it), or glare at me with those ocean blue eyes again.

I'd never be showered this those annoying and lovely habits of hers. And I had taken every single one of them for granted. I'd never felt so sorry in my entire life. There was nothing I could do to change the situation and it frustrated me to no end. I wanted to crawl into my bed and find her there, with her dark hair sprawled all over my bed sheets, and lying in a wrinkled t-shirt of mine.

She was so important to me and I was realized it…posthumously. How much more sick could I get? It wasn't a break-up. I couldn't go back to her apartment, and bang on her door, and ask her to take me back. I could only go to her grave and beg her to forgive me for what I did to her life.

Because she was gone.

And I couldn't bring her back. I closed my eyes and the hot tears began again. This was becoming a habit tonight and each time it made me feel inadequate. As if, I was losing myself and my dignity into this downward spiral of depression. So I did the first thing I could think of.

I called Jasper.

I felt terrible for calling because he was only two hours ahead. He and Alice were probably just waking up. The phone rang a few times before Alice picked up.

"Hello?" she asked in a bubbly voice despite the ungodly hour. Hearing her so happy and Alice-like, made my heart clench. I squeezed my eyes tight to fight the tears and compose myself.

"Alice?" I replied gruffly.

"Edward? Is that you? Oh my gosh…is everything okay? You sound terrible! What's wrong?" the clear panic in her voice pained me deeply. She cared about me so much more than I deserved.

"Alice, is Jasper there?" I wasn't sure how much longer I could stay on the phone with her without losing it.

"Yeah, hold on. I love you, Edward!" her voice disappeared as she handed the phone over.

"Edward?" Jasper asked. I could tell he was walking away from Alice. I assumed he was going into his office for privacy.

"Jasper, she's dead. Vanessa is dead," I croaked out.

"Oh my God. Edward, what happened? Where are you? Where's Vanessa?" I could hear his voice take on a more serious tone. I was scared of the things that might have been running through his mind at that moment.

"She overdosed…intentionally," I whispered.

"Edward….I – I'm sorry. You'll have to forgive me but I don't really know what to say. How do you know?" I heard him sigh and sit down.

"I found out this afternoon. My boss called me in. I'm sorry for calling. I just don't know what to do. I feel so _responsible_," I admitted.

"That's not true, Edward. I know this is probably the thing you want to hear least but it's not your fault. If it was intentional than you must understand it was her decision."

"Yeah, but it was provoked by _my_ cavalier attitude towards her. I brushed her off during our break-up. I called her crazy and obsessive! And even when she came to me afterwards and was messed up I did nothing!"

"It's wasn't your responsibility to look after her, Edward."

"She had a drug problem. And I knew it and I still did _nothing_. All the signs were there from when I saw her last."

"I'm sure you're not the only one who knew of her problem and saw her during that time-frame. You can't take on this guilt, Edward. It's eating you alive already and it's been less than 24 hours. You did the right thing by calling me but you need to talk to someone about this. I can hear this getting mixed into the problems you already have. It's dangerous for your mental and physical health."

"I just need someone — someone who I can trust. I can't handle being left like this again. First, with my dad. And now, with Vanessa. I just…it's so bad. Every. Single. Time," I latched onto my hair roughly.

"Edward, you have trust and abandonment issues. They're not uncommon. I wish you would accept mine and Esme's advice and see someone. If this situation doesn't prove that you can't handle everything on your own, I don't know what more proof you'll need."

"Please help me, Jasper. I haven't been able to sleep at all. I don't even know if I can live in this apartment anymore. I keep seeing her everywhere."

"Thanksgiving is this upcoming week. Come to Chicago. Just leave Seattle for a couple days and spend the holidays with us. I'm not comfortable with you being alone. And if something comes up and you can't leave, then Alice and I will go to Seattle. You're not going to be alone. You have _us_."

I sighed and thought about my options for a moment. I was sure I could get the time off now. Charlie and the Captain Oliveros both knew I could use the "vacation." It felt more like a mental health vacation than a real one. I didn't like being in this apartment anymore. It felt stuffy and stale.

I wanted to breathe Chicago smog again and I wanted to give my mother a hug and just smell the scent of baked goods and Chanel No. 5 in her hair. I wanted Alice to give me an air-constricting hug and I wanted to challenge Jasper and Carlisle to a chess match.

"Tell Mom, I'll be there. And please relay what happened. I just can't talk to her about this yet. I feel too ashamed."

"Okay, Edward. I promise to explain everything. Please don't hesitate to call me again. I'll be in the office today but I can be there for you at anytime. I'm going to look-up a few friends in Seattle and try to get you a referral. You need to do your part of it though, okay?"

"I promise, Jasper."

"Good. Is there anything else you want to talk about? I've still got time," he wondered.

"Just tell everyone I love them and please give Mom a big hug for me. I really miss those hugs right now."

"Sure," he replied softly and I _knew_ he would do just what I asked.

"Bye, Jazz."

He chuckled. I was still the only one, aside from Alice, who called him Jazz.

"Bye, Edward."

The line disconnected and I snapped my phone shut. I stroked the silver plastic absentmindedly and stared at the digital clock. It was 4:49. I sat up and pressed my forehead against the cool window. The weather was beginning to be frigid and the cool glass against my forehead soothed in a way I hadn't thought of.

I closed my eyes and forced my brain to stop all thought processes. I needed a blank slate to achieve any leeway towards a peaceful slumber. When I become drowsy, I lowered my head back to the floor and realized how cool the floorboards were as well.

I must have fallen asleep because just over an hour later my alarm clock went off. I awoke with a start and regretted the immediate movement. My neck was painfully stiff and achy. I tried turning my head to the side but made little movement. I sighed frustratingly and sat for a few moments, waiting for my muscles to relax.

While waiting, I remembered what plans I had promised myself I would take care of today. I got in the shower and did my daily ritual of allowing the stream of hot water to lessen the tension in my back. Today I was especially tense from sleeping on the floor. I knew I was still tired but I refused not to go into the office today. I was going through a lot right now but I refused to be a coward.

I didn't want to let these demons stop me from doing my responsibilities. And my depression was not an excuse for missing work. My city depended on me to show up for work each day. I found strength in realizing that other people had it worse than I did. It wasn't a self-involved realization but rather a humbling one. If they did it, I could do it.

I didn't need to shave thankfully so I brushed my teeth and went straight to my closet. I pulled out a plain white dress shirt and buttoned it up. My black slacks were in the darker corner of my closet along with their matching suit jacket. I decided against a tie and left the top button undone so I wouldn't choke myself.

The drive to work gave me time to think and clear my head at the same time. As I pulled into the parking garage, I noticed Officer Fernandez behind me and waved casually. He nodded and pulled into the spot next to me. As I got out, he came around and walked with me.

"Hello, sir," he spoke respectfully.

"Hey, Trigger. How is everything?"

The group had taken to calling John "Trigger" instead. He was the other sniper in our group and had perfect aim. I'd never seen him miss a shot. Somehow he managed to mathematically compute the science of it all in his head before taking a shot. My sniping skills were the result of natural talent and innate accuracy. Trigger's abilities were the result of a true genius.

"Fine, sir. Thank you for asking; although, I feel I should be asking _you_ that," he admitted sheepishly.

Trigger was probably my favorite team member. No one had anything on Emmett because he was my best friend but Trigger was different. He was honest and dedicated. I'd never met a more genuine and good-natured person as Trigger.

He did something and he did it well. I knew he struggled with his talents due to his moral convictions but at the end of the day he knew it was his job and responsibility to society to put his incredible skills to use. He looked out for every team member and always lent a helping hand. He wasn't loud or obnoxious.

His mild manner and observant behavior usually benefitted the group. Whenever we worked together he didn't just spurt out ideas or nonsense. He really considered every option and studied things before sharing opinions. Our team would never work without Trigger.

I sighed. "As good as they can be right now, I suppose. It's rough though. I never expected to lose her, especially like this. I guess I'm pretty exhausted mostly," I shrugged.

"Sir is it alright if I talk to you as a friend not an officer?" he wondered.

"Trigger we're not inside or in uniform. Besides I always appreciate your opinion. Go ahead," I prompted.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that although I may not be able to empathize I can certainly understand what you're going through. I watch you, sir, and you're always a million miles away. You've been going through a lot for a while now and I guess I just wanted to say I see it. The other officers may not realize that you're always struggling but I see it. And if you ever need someone to just talk to, I'm here. I've got a few problems of my own and it might surprise you to see you're not the only one. You don't always have to go through things alone."

I stopped walking momentarily, as did Trigger. I frowned at the concrete and pursed my lips. I hadn't realized I was so transparent in my dissatisfaction with life and my circumstances. But then I thought about who I was speaking with and I realized that Trigger noticed more than anyone. He was always watching, always studying. I looked up at him, nodded, and muttered a quick "thanks."

He nodded back, knowing that that insignificant response meant more than what was on the surface. We stepped onto the elevator and entered officer-mode. This discussion would continue again. I was sure of that but for now it would just haunt me until I broke myself out of this guilt trip.

Trigger got off on our floor and waved goodbye. I continued the ascent until I reached my destination. Charlie's secretary was sitting there, plump and evil-looking as ever.

"Morning, Ms. Caldwell," I smiled superficially.

I was hoping my charms were working despite my tatty appearance. She finally looked up at me from behind her horn-rimmed glasses and pursed her lips in an unimpressed fashion. I sighed while she waited for my request. I wanted to be mad at her for not even _trying_ to be nice to me after everything I'd gone through in the last 24 hours (because I was sure the gossip had found its way to her) but I couldn't. I didn't deserve _anyone's_ pity.

"Ms. Caldwell, I need to speak with Chief Swan. It's quite urgent," I pressed.

"Chief Swan is busy Lieutenant," she replied snappily.

"Ms. Caldwell I wouldn't bother him unless it was important. Can you at least call him?" I requested.

She sighed heavily and looked at me through narrowed eyes. She was truly an ugly woman, on the inside _and_ out. Ms. Caldwell maintained eye-contact with me while she called Charlie's office.

"Chief Swan, Lieutenant _Masen_ is here to see you. He _claims_ it's urgent," she spoke in a bored tone and I had to repress the urge to roll my eyes. I really hated her.

She almost snorted but composed herself, reciting a "Yes, sir" before hanging up the phone. I was grinning by the time it reached the base again.

"I'll just let _myself_ in," I smirked and winked before strolling past her.

I knocked once for courtesy's sake and walked into Charlie's office. I saluted him and took a seat in the chair _Bella_ usually occupied. _Ugh_, just thinking the name Bella sent a fire of anger through my body.

"Lieutenant, it's good to see you. I was hoping we could talk. I apologize for not stopping by your office yesterday and express my condolences. I'm truly sorry," Charlie spoke seriously.

For the time being I let go of the fact I was angry with him for keeping Isabella's identity a secret and nodded. I knew he meant it, and I respected Charlie no matter what. It meant a lot to me that he cared enough to even mention the Vanessa catastrophe.

"So what's the urgent matter, Lieutenant?" he asked curiously.

"It's come to my attention that you seemed to withhold quite an important piece of information about Ms. Woods from me. Something that given may have changed my decision in taking on the responsibility of her well-being and working with her," I stared at him.

He eyes became guarded and he perfected a mask of indifference, never responding to any of my words. It took a skilled man to hide their true reactions and feelings in their eyes. Body language was one thing but the eyes were another. A person's eye never lied.

"And what exactly is this information, Lieutenant?" he asked carefully.

"The fact she is your daughter."

A flash of shock broke through his mask and his face started to turn red. It reminded me of the blush I'd once seen on his daughter.

"H-how do you know that?"

"I may have overheard you two speaking last night," I admitted.

He sighed and ran a hand down his face.

"Edward, that's not the way I meant for you to find out. I was really going to tell you sooner but she kept insisting on waiting. Bella's a stubborn person," he tried to explain.

I laughed at the use of her name. It sounded so strange and it was almost comical how silly I'd been. Hearing how casually he spoke her name gave me the solid evidence that I had, indeed, come to the right conclusion last night. I was laughing at how dumb I'd been. I was laughing but fuck…I was kind of becoming a crazy.

"Is there something funny, Lieutenant?"

"No, sir. I just can't believe I really believed her. I've always prided myself on being able to read people and I never caught her lie."

"Well, Bella's being doing this for a few years. I mean she has too. People are out to get her as it is. The last thing she needs is to also reveal herself as the Commissioner's daughter as well. It's too dangerous."

"So asking me to look after her and basically give up my life in order to protect her, if such lengths were ever necessary, but not knowing who she was in the first place is not just as dangerous? What if someone found out and something happened to her? How would I ever know where to start first for compiling evidence? Isabella Woods doesn't exist!" I shouted in exasperation and threw my arms up.

"Edward, calm down. I'm sorry. I really am but I'm not the one you should take this up with. This is about Bella and it was Bella's decision. I did the best I could, given my circumstances. It's not my place to interfere in my daughter's life. She's old enough to make her own choices."

"True but I am your _employee_. I am the man you assigned to work with and protect your daughter. That's interfering in a smaller sense. Would it have killed you to say: Oh! Hey, Edward! Yeah, that woman you're working with…just so you know…she's my _daughter_. I mean honestly, how _hard_ is that?!"

Charlie sighed. We were at a stalemate. Neither of us refused to be wrong in this situation. I wasn't going to be wrong for blaming Charlie in this too. And he wasn't going to be wrong for not telling me that Isabella was his fucking _daughter_.

I rolled my eyes and stared at a paper cut-out of a fish that was haphazardly colored with deep greens and aqua blues. In all the times I'd visited his office I'd never noticed the silly little fish. I squinted and looked at it more closely. Beneath the fish were three letters — three letters that made my stomach lurch.

B.M.S.

"What's her middle name?" I wondered.

The 'M' had to stand for something. Charlie noticed I was looking at the fish and smiled wistfully. His eyes crinkled at the sides just a bit and it felt like I was seeing the same smile I'm sure he'd given her at the time.

"Marie."

"Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered.

Charlie smiled and looked back at me.

"She gave me that fish when she was in the first grade. My birthday was coming up and she was in Arizona with her mother. She made the fish in school for me and sent it as a gift since she couldn't be there. Apparently, she had 'caught' it just for my birthday. And as you can see art has never been her strong suit but I love that stupid fish. She complains about it every time she sees it but I'll never get rid of it."

Charlie sighed and chuckled to himself.

"It probably seems silly to you that I'm attached to it but one day when you have kids; especially, if you have a little girl all those stupid little fish will be important," he smiled.

I swallowed and looked down at my lap. I could hear in his voice how much he loved her and it surprised me when I realized how it important that was to me. I cared about her more than I could understand sometimes and for some reason it warmed my heart to know I wasn't alone.

It was easy to be crazy about her. She was annoying and lovely, and beautiful and frustrating, and stubborn and perfect. And I was _so_ mad at her for breaking my trust but for that one second I just sat with the man who had taken part in creating a woman I was very much captured by. I sighed.

"I'm still pissed at you for lying by omission but I'll forgive you eventually," I laughed and stood up.

"Yeah, whatever Masen. Get your ass to work," he ordered and shooed me out.

* * *

At four o'clock I found myself on the front steps of my apartment building. I didn't even make it inside the apartment building. I was debating with myself on whether or not I should go to Vanessa's wake. It had started already but I knew it would okay if I showed up late, as long as I didn't make a really obvious appearance. But then I started thinking about her parents.

I was worried what they would think if I showed up. Would they know who I was right off the bat? Would Jules give me away as soon as I stepped onto the property? I had basically torn my hair out when a pair of worn Vans were suddenly in my line of sight.

I removed my head from between my knees and looked up. There she was in her typical low-maintenance outfit and trademark lip biting. She was nervous. I glared at her. One, because I was still fucking _pissed_ at her. And two because I was having an inner-battle and she was ruining it.

"Hey," she whispered.

I barely heard her over the steady traffic of cars going up and down my block. I looked at her with a bored expression and hoped to God I conveyed just how pissed I was at her.

"_Bella_," I muttered back sourly.

She winced and her shoulders tensed momentarily.

"I guess I deserve that. I came here to apologize. I really didn't mean for you to find out that way. I wanted to tell you but I just didn't think right now was the right time. I know you're going through—"

"It's fine," I cut her off in a dismissive tone.

"No, it's not. You didn't even get the chance to decide if this was really what you wanted with all the proper information. You can ask me to stop coming around and I will. I can understand if you don't want to see me anymore or if you don't trust me. I really didn't mean to break your trust. I promise that's the only thing I've ever lied about," her eyes pled for me to believe her.

I folded my arms against my chest and leaned back against the stair behind me.

"Your promises don't mean much these days but whatever," I snapped back.

Isabella flinched and closed her eyes.

"Edward, I am _so_ sorry. I really wish there was more I could do to express how sorry I am. This is the last thing you need right now."

I laughed bitterly.

"I couldn't agree more but I always get the shit end of the stick so in actuality it doesn't matter," I smiled tightly.

Her head hung dismissively and her shoulders hunched. I hated seeing her so not independent and headstrong but she wasn't going to get off that easily. It wasn't fair to me. I refused to be played like Geppetto's puppets. I had a life and it wasn't okay for Isabella to play God and decide when or what she wanted to be honest about.

I stood up and brushed my slacks off. Isabella looked up at me and her eyes were sad. She looked like a fucking puppy dog and I wanted to kiss her and make her stop but I couldn't.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm not entirely sure. I guess I was hoping that I could prove to you just how sorry I really was. I spoke to Charlie and he told me you had left for the day already. I hoped you might be here."

I nodded and a blanket of silence fell over us again.

"Just out of curiosity, why'd you pick such a boring as shit alias?" I half-laughed.

She smiled a sad but genuine smile and shrugged.

"I'm pretty boring," she replied.

I shook my head. I could've continued being a dick to her and not given her that momentary self-esteem boost but I also wasn't going to lie to her. She wasn't boring. She was spectacular and remarkable. She was beautiful and unique. And fuck…the girl just made my head swim. She was always surprising me and reminding me that there was beauty left in the world. And she inspired me. I sighed heavily and looked up at the sky. It'd be raining soon.

"Why are you dressed up?" her voice surprised me from my distraction.

I looked down at my suit jacket and slacks.

"I was thinking about going to the wake but I keep chickening out. I don't think I will though. I'm already late and I just…don't feel comfortable with her family and friends and stuff," I spoke honestly.

"I could go with you if you wanted. You know…for moral support and all," she offered timidly.

It was such a contradiction to her usual personality.

"No it's fine. I'm leaving anyway," I decided.

I started to walk up the steps when I heard her gasp.

"What?"

"I'm going to Chicago," I explained over my shoulder.

"Are you coming back?" she walked to the bottom of the staircase and looked at me pleadingly. Her eyes were wild with curiosity and concern.

"Maybe," I shrugged and walked to the door, "Happy Thanksgiving though," I added and walked inside, leaving Bella on the street.

* * *

This isn't too much of a cliffhanger...he's going to Chicago to spend time with his family so it's not like I'm leaving you without knowing what'll happen next. I know this chapter was shorter than my usual ones but it felt too _right_ to add things in for length's sake.

Reviews are adored ;)


	14. Chapter 14

An update so soon? I know ;)

I'm working on an entry for the Steamy Movie Crossover contest so I don't know if Secret will be updated early again. It may be a little more than a week or it may not...we'll see. Edward's Chicago trip is going to be broken up into 2 chapters and then (**INSERT BIG CHEERS HERE**) Bella's POV will be after.

I just wanted to say thank you to all the c2's I've been added to and the reviews I've gotten. Secret has gotten a big response since last chapter and a few readers from Twilighted have joined us. I respond to every review because I really do appreciate all of you, even my readers I don't hear from.

Chapter Song: Lady by Lenny Kravitz

_I don't own Twilight but actually for about an hour I forgot to add this disclaimer ;)_

* * *

People were bumping into me and brushing past me in their hastiness. I couldn't bring myself to be bothered. I walked through O'Hare with a shit-eating grin on my face. I _missed_ this. I missed how the airport confused me. I missed how before I even got off the plane and we taxied I could _feel _the cold through the A320.

For a split second I stopped and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and immersed myself into a part of my life I had long forgotten. I was reminded of simpler times when my visits from college had me in the exact spot I was standing.

I sighed and opened my eyes when someone yelled at me in a foreign language. I smiled widely for the first time in over 2 days. I didn't need to visit baggage claim since I had packed only the necessities in an average sized duffle bag. I ventured to the car rental area.

And I couldn't even bring myself to get upset with the associate when she kept egging me on to upgrade my vehicle. I just let her do her job and stayed ignorant. I wasn't focusing on her. I was paying attention to the sights, smells, and feelings. Her voice barely even carried through the noise of planes, roaring to their destinations and cars honking and braking.

I was personally led to the Nissan X-Terra I had been fortunate enough to claim. I thought finding a four-wheel drive SUV might be downright impossible. The weather was unusually frigid this winter and Thanksgiving was only days away.

I assumed my "luck" had something to do with the sales associate when I finally noticed the way she was fawning over me. I wanted to tell her _why_ I was in Chicago so she'd get the hint and see I was dangerous, especially if she had any drug abuse problems.

The drive to Carlisle and Esme's house was pleasant. I didn't turn on the radio. I just drove and rememorized all the sights. I had ample time to idle and get lost in thought due to the massive traffic I was sitting in. I chuckled to myself as I realized that I had yet to forget how to navigate and drive around the area. It was a subconscious experience. I didn't have to think about anything.

I just fit myself back into the city naturally. It was like I had taken an extended trip and now I was back home.

It became more obvious that I was approaching Burr Ridge while I drove. The houses got bigger and the space between them became more pronounced. There were fewer cars on the road and the quality and recentness of their release became more apparent as well.

I turned down Carlisle and Esme's street and drove slowly. The huge oak trees added to the secluded nature of their private abode. The windy but paved road was something I remembered reverently. I remembered all the times I had drove down this road at 80 mph in the deep black of night. Burr Ridge wasn't particularly known for their street lights.

I finally ended the small journey and smiled happy when I saw Alice's Porsche and Jasper's BMW in the driveway. Yellow and gold lights shone through almost every window of the huge white house. The sky was darkening and was now a dark blue. One or two stars were visible but it was only 6:00.

I turned off the engine and sat in the car for a moment. The trees and wildlife were quiet. The only sound was the low whistle of the wind. I opened the door and closed it quietly. I retrieved my bag and walked up the steps. I was quite sure my arrival would still be a surprise. Esme would have never still been inside if she knew I was here.

I rang the door bell. I heard a pair of feet tread to the front door and I waited. The door was flung open and all I saw was her chestnut hair for a moment.

"EDWARD!" she screamed.

I was abruptly engulfed by the small body of my mother. I closed my eyes and hugged her back tightly. Her hands were gripping my shoulder blades firmly, as if she didn't believe I was really there. I felt water on my neck and I pulled back. My beautiful mother was smiling but had tears in her eyes. She held her arms around my waist, as did I to her.

I glanced over her head for a moment and saw Jasper smiling, with Alice tucked into his side. The height difference between them made me smile. I was about to say something when my mother's warm hands cupped either side of my face and forced me to look at her.

Her eyes were crinkled at the sides and my heart missed a beat. She was just as lovely as I remembered her and she was aging beautifully. I stared into her brown eyes for a moment and then hugged her once more. Esme led me in and closed the door behind us. I placed my bag next to the umbrella holder and stood off to the side.

Alice walked forward and gave me one of those air-constricting hugs I'd always come to love. The small girl had _strength_. She released me with a hair ruffle and a kiss on the cheek. Jasper came forward and even though I didn't really hug guys — I gave him one. He was my brother and I _missed_ him. It was quick and we shook hands afterwards. I looked around for Carlisle.

"Dad's on his way home from work, sweetie," my mother came over and leaned into my side.

At one point it used to bother me that she called Carlisle "Dad" around me but at this age he was as close to the real thing as I would ever get. He deserved the title and lived up to it. He wasn't my biological father but he _was_ a Dad to me.

I squeezed her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. I sniffed her hair quickly and wasn't disappointed when it smelled like baked goods and Chanel No. 5. This time I smelled my favorite and thanked God.

"You baked chocolate chip cookies?" I asked her.

She smiled in surprise and nodded her head vehemently.

"How did you know?"

"Your hair smells like cookies," I shrugged and winked down at her.

"Jasper, babe. Why don't you take Edward upstairs and get him set up before dinner?" Alice suggested and patted his stomach.

Jasper kissed her temple and nodded at me. I grabbed my bag and walked up the wide, wood staircase to the third floor. I had assumed I'd stay in the guest room but I was pleasantly surprised to see that my mother _still_ hadn't changed my room.

There were band posters on the wall. I chuckled when I noticed Esme had taken down my museum of cosmetically enhanced Playmates off the wall. Jasper looked at me and noticed what I was looking at. He shrugged and disappeared into the hall. He reemerged with a set of towels and a quilt. I placed my bag on the bed and took my coat off. I grabbed my SPD sweatshirt and followed Jasper back downstairs.

"So, how are things?" he whispered as we made our way towards the second floor.

"Better…now that I'm here. I needed this," I admitted, "Did you tell Mom and everyone else?"

He nodded and let the subject go. I whispered a thanks and he replied a quiet "You're Welcome."

As we neared the front door, it opened. A very cold-looking Carlisle walked through the door. His glasses were in place as was the briefcase in his right hand. He grinned at me and closed the door behind him. I walked forward and gave him a hug before he shrugged out of his coat and scarf.

"Edward, what a great surprise! Are you staying for the holiday?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I took some time off."

"Fantastic! Thanksgiving should be spectacular this year. Your mother is cooking and Alice and Mrs. Brandon will be bringing some food as well."

"Mrs. Brandon, huh?" I looked at Jasper and laughed.

He rolled his eyes and pushed me into the dining room. Everything felt _right_. The joking, the hugs, the dinner, the people…it was all _right_. On the dinner table was a feast. My mother had truly stayed the same. There was a roasted chicken, side dishes, and beverages. There were still six chairs.

Four for our family and two for the girls Esme and Carlisle always prepared for. I was the only one who had alternating guests. Jasper had brought a couple different girls during high school but not nearly as many often as I switched around. Alice had been a staple at our dinner table for years.

My mother reappeared from the kitchen, carrying a platter of chocolate chip cookies which she set off to the side. She winked at me as she placed them and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I took my place next to her chair while Alice and Jasper sat across from me. Carlisle sat at one head of the table while my mother took the other. We served ourselves before the questions began to bombard me.

"Edward, why didn't you call anyone to pick you up from the airport?" my mother asked with a frown.

She was the only person I knew that _enjoyed_ going to the airport. I chuckled at her disappointment and shrugged.

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well how was the flight?" Carlisle asked.

"It was fine. I slept periodically."

"That's good! Last time, Jasper and I went to Miami….Oh my gosh, the kids behind us were so annoying!" Alice groaned.

I laughed and took a bite of my chicken. Jasper shook his head while he sipped on his water.

"So, what's the weather supposed to be like for the next few days?" I inquired.

"We're supposed to have a snow storm tonight and into tomorrow so I've made sure to buy all my supplies already. I'd hate to be snowed in and unable to prepare for Thursday," my mother shuddered.

"Are you working at the hospital tomorrow?" I asked Carlisle.

"No, I'm off for the next few days. I work for the business aspect of the hospital now so I'm not needed there all the time. Working from home is usually just as effective," he replied.

"That must be nice for you and Mom," I added.

He smiled wistfully at my mother and his eyes glimmered just a bit. It made me feel intrusive despite the many times I'd seen him give that look. Maybe it was because I understood it more these days than ever.

"Yes. Yes it is," he smiled.

A silence fell over the table and I looked at everyone.

Carlisle was aging more noticeably these days as well too. He was a fair amount of years older than my mother. It was hard to believe but he was nearing sixty. His laugh lines were more evident as were the wrinkles in his forehead. His blue eyes, however, shone just as brightly and with as much youth as Jasper's.

Jasper looked exactly the same—his expression a canvas of confidence and calm. Jasper was not easily rattled or frustrated. My eyes traveled to Alice and I smiled to myself. Her raven hair was cut just below her shoulders, much shorter than I'd seen it last. A bright-colored hair pin adorned the right side of her hair.

A simple pair of diamond studs, I remembered Jasper giving her for Christmas, sat on her ears and her skin was as pale as ever. Alice was a strikingly beautiful girl. Her features were all defined and intricate. She had a unique look that I was happy I was seeing again. I had almost forgotten just how special she was.

And then I looked at my mother.

She was currently laughing at something Carlisle was saying. Her pale skin was smooth like porcelain. Her complexion was better than most 25-year-olds and paler than the average woman. Her eyes were fringed by dark, long eyelashes and minimal eye make-up that was limited to eyeliner. Her honey brown eyes flickered over to mine and she smiled widely.

I smiled back at her and her hand reached over to cover my own. She squeezed it lovingly and spoke to me.

"How's work, sweetie?" her thumb rubbed the back of my hand.

"Work is fine, I suppose. I'm working on one case mainly these days."

"Oh, really? What's this one about?"

"It's in relation to the explosion that happened in September."

"I hope you're being safe. That explosion could have been dangerous," she warned.

"I am. I'm working with an informant so I usually have an inside perspective to things," I explained.

"An informant?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Yeah, she's a reporter."

"A reporter as an informant?" he asked incredulously.

"She writes a column for a local newspaper. And up until recently I didn't know anything about her. She basically writes it anonymously. She uses a pseudonym. I'm not sure how she gets her information. Bella's got this secret source."

"Bella?" my mother asked inquisitively.

I cursed myself internally for giving up her name. I knew they'd never find themselves in a situation where that information could be potentially dangerous but it was still irresponsible. I chanced a look at Jasper to check if noticed the similarity between Bella and _Isa_bella. And I was fucked because…he did.

"Um, yeah."

Esme nodded and returned to her green beans. I sighed in relief that she didn't press me any further but I had a nagging feeling she'd bring it up again.

"How's work for you two?" I asked Jasper and Alice.

Alice grinned and looked at Jasper. She held his hand in hers tightly and I noticed the rather large engagement ring on her finger.

"Is that your ring?" I interrupted.

Alice glanced down and grinned again.

"Yes! Would you like to see it? It's beautiful!" she gushed.

I nodded and leaned forward. Her perfectly manicured hand was stretched out to me as I inspected the diamond. It was a princess cut and sat between two smaller diamonds. It was set in a platinum band and shone brilliantly in the dining room light.

"Nice job, Jasper," I complimented while I returned Alice's hand.

He chuckled and muttered a "thanks."

"Work is going well for us. Jasper is doing well at his office and the boutique is doing great. We're preparing for Black Friday," Alice added.

"That's great. Do you expect a lot of customers?" I wondered.

"Oh, yeah! We're having a massive sale. Up to 70% off basically everything in the store! _And_ we're giving away a free gift with every purchase over $100."

I nodded and pretended I knew what she was talking about. I figured I'd stop by her boutique that day for moral support. Maybe I'd buy something for Mom and contribute to Alice's income as well. Eventually the cookies were laid out and I was pleased to see they hadn't gotten very cold while we ate dinner. They were still warm and the chocolate melted in my mouth.

I groaned. I loved Mom's homemade chocolate chip cookies. She giggled quietly and rubbed my shoulder. After dinner, I helped Alice and Jasper with the dishes while Mom and Carlisle watched the evening news. Alice, Jasper, and I went into the living room. Esme patted the spot on the couch next to her and she squeezed me into her side. Carlisle chuckled and shook his head.

"The man is 31, Esme," he looked at me apologetically.

"I don't care if he's 50! He's my baby boy and I haven't seen him in over a year. He's getting love!" my mother replied back adamantly.

I laughed at their banter and kissed her temple.

"It's okay, Carlisle. I'm trying to stay in her favor. I want more chocolate chip cookies while I'm here," I joked over her head.

Carlisle laughed back and shook his head. I glanced over at Alice and Jasper. Alice was perched on his lap and had her arms around his neck. She was whispering in his ear and he was rubbing her back. The smile on his face told me I didn't want to know what she was whispering. They were both good looking but fuck if I ever wanted to think about my brother having sex. Or any man for that matter.

"What are you doing tomorrow, Mom?" I asked.

"I have to help with the elementary school's Thanksgiving play, sweetie. I'll be there for most of tomorrow but Carlisle will be home and Alice and Jasper will be in and out all day. The play is tomorrow night unless the weather doesn't permit it. You should come," she patted my knee and grinned up at me.

I glanced at Alice and Jasper who were trying to stifle laughs. I could see how it was. I rolled my eyes at them and looked down at Esme.

"Sure, Mom."

She smiled widely and stroked my cheek once. Two hours later, Alice and Jasper decided to stay over due to the snow that was already falling. We'd had about three inches already. It was agreed that Jasper and I would shovel tomorrow morning so Mom could get to the elementary school in time.

We watched a few sitcoms when a collective exhaustion overtook us. Mom kissed my cheek once more and said goodnight before she and Carlisle retired to their bedroom. Jasper disappeared for a few minutes to put Alice's Porsche in the garage and came back inside looking frigid.

Alice and Jasper followed me upstairs to make sure I was settled in okay. Luckily, they'd be downstairs so I'd be in the clear for the night cap tonight. Whatever sounds they'd be making, they would have to take up with Carlisle and Esme. I took a hot shower and slipped into sweatpants and a sweatshirt before curling into my bed.

It took me a while to fall asleep as I thought of all the times I'd spent in this room. I never really stayed in my room during high school unless I was sleeping or hooking-up with someone. I hadn't lost my virginity in this bed but a few girls had. I chuckled at my naiveté and adolescence. Bedding girls had been such a prize at that age. And it was the only thing that mattered.

I never considered the emotional consequences of my relationships. The only thing I ever concerned myself about was being protected. I at least knew at that age to avoid teen pregnancy. But at 31 I was now going to take better care of the emotional aspects of my relationships.

It hurt to think about Vanessa but I knew it would be unavoidable for a while. There was no getting around it. I closed my eyes and let the whistle of the wind lull me to sleep. The following morning I woke to a light knock on the door. I opened my eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them. Jasper's blonde hair popped in and an apologetic smile followed.

"Hey! I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't realize you were still asleep. Mom is making breakfast but she has to leave soon so I figured we should start in on the snow," he whispered from the doorjamb.

"No, it's fine. I didn't realize what time it was. I haven't slept that well in ages," I admitted bashfully.

A flicker of interest spread upon his face. Jasper walked in and closed the door behind him. He sat at my old desk and turned to face my bed.

"Edward, what have your sleeping patterns been lately?" he asked clinically.

I sighed.

"To be honest I've barely slept since her death. But even before then my sleeping patterns weren't too great."

"How many hours a night do you think you get?"

"I don't know. It depends on the night, I guess."

He nodded thoughtfully and stood up.

"Well, we got about five inches. Dad laid some salt down this morning so I think the walkway should be okay. Alice took my car to work so it'll just be us guys today," he grinned.

I shook my head with a smile and got out of bed. The hardwood floors were freezing. My toes curled instinctively and I jogged to my closet for socks. I took a quick shower and got ready. By the time I came downstairs, breakfast was done and Mom was upstairs getting dressed. Carlisle was at the table, with his glasses sliding down his nose, a cup of coffee in hand, and the newspaper.

I was glad to see some things hadn't changed. I entered the dining room with a chuckle and jerked my head towards Carlisle. Jasper snickered at his father while Carlisle stayed entranced by the newspaper. I glanced at the grayish paper and my heart strings tugged a bit.

I thought about Bella and what she might be doing. An immature part of me hoped she was still freaking out about whether or not I'd be back. And another was aching to call her and apologize. I couldn't stand for her to be sad. My expression must have been thoughtful because Carlisle spoke up.

"Everything okay, Edward?" his voice was rich and deep. He exuded authority without even trying.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just thinking about someone," I confessed.

"Who?!" my mother's voice was laced with excitement.

I groaned at her timing and rolled my eyes. Her hands came to my shoulders and she kissed the top of my head.

"Is it a girl? I bet it's a girl," she smiled at Carlisle.

He laughed and shook his head. She could be so juvenile sometimes. Bella was most definitely a _woman_. There was nothing girlish about her. I chanced a look at Jasper and he was studying me.

"It's my coworker. Well…she's not really a coworker but we _do_ work together. She's the Commissioner's daughter."

Esme took the seat next to me and looked at me excitedly. I was surprised she and Carlisle hadn't connected my confession to my mention of Bella yesterday evening. I knew Jasper had figured me out already.

"What's she like? I'll bet she's absolutely beautiful," my mother smiled widely at me.

"She's pretty headstrong, snarky, and obnoxious," I chuckled.

Esme slapped my shoulder playfully and I laughed quietly.

"It's true but she _is_ a good person. She's good-natured, believes in fairness and equality, is a lot more concerned with the well-being of others than she gives herself credit for, and she's also _taken_," I emphasized for my mother's acknowledgment.

It was almost funny to see her frown deeply at the news but I knew I probably looked the same way when I found myself thinking about Bella and Jacob. I was surprised at how I sang Bella's praises but if I was being honest with myself, I wasn't really still angry. I had gotten over her betrayal for the most part.

She'd kept it from me with good intentions and seemed genuinely apologetic. It was ridiculous to expect anything more from her. It happened and there was no going back. We just needed to move on. Breakfast passed without further excitement and I soon found myself shoveling snow with Jasper.

"Is Bella the one you spoke to me about?" Jasper asked just loud enough for me to hear him but quiet enough that Carlisle couldn't hear from inside.

I stopped shoveling and tensed.

"Why?" I asked hesitantly.

"Edward, I'm not going to judge. I'm just curious," he shrugged his shoulders.

My jaw locked and I stared at him. I debated biting the bullet and just telling him how I was feeling lately. My emotions were all over the place. I was distraught and confused about Vanessa. And I was confused about my more than platonic feelings for Bella. I wasn't professional when it came to her. I threw my shovel down and walked over to the porch. I sat down on the staircase and looked at the glistening snow.

"Jasper, I have no idea what's going on with me anymore. One part of me is so confused, angry, ashamed, guilty, and sad about Vanessa. And the other is happy, elated, warmed every time I see Bella. It's so frustrating! I want to keep mourning for Vanessa but whenever I'm with Bella it's like I can forget whatever's going on with me and I can just focus on being happy with her. But then she went and she lied and I don't know. I just feel like I can't trust her the same way anymore," I sighed.

I ran a hand through my hair roughly and glared at my boots. Jasper sat down next to me and took a deep breath.

"Edward, there's a very fundamental problem with your attraction to Bella. She is _taken_. You're relying on her for a happiness that helps you escape your problems. What happens when you two stop working together? What happens then? Sure, you may still be friends afterwards but it's unfair to her. You may unintentionally be blurring the lines of _her_ relationship with whomever she's dating and, in turn, be putting her in an awkward spot."

"Do you honestly think I want to be so head over heels for this girl? I am _so_ scared of hurting her the way I hurt Vanessa. I could never do that to her."

"Head over heels?" Jasper asked confusedly.

A shock ran up my body at his words. Had I really just said that? Was there honesty to my word vomit?

"I-I think so. It _feels_ that way," I whispered.

"Have you ever been in love?" he whispered back.

My jaw tensed again and I fisted my hands.

"No…"

Silence took the place of our conversation. Both of us were unsure where to go next. I had never acknowledged the intensity of my feelings towards Isabella out loud or otherwise. It did _feel_ like love but that didn't necessarily mean anything, did it? I was scared of that truth and I think Jasper knew.

I relaxed my fists and stretched out my fingers. I wasn't in love wither her. I couldn't be. _I_ was blurring the lines of my attraction towards her. I stood up and stalked into the house. The walkway and driveway had basically been cleared of any snow. Jasper could put the shovels away.

I went to my room and lay down on my bed. I took my cell phone out of my coat pocket and opened my phonebook. It didn't take long for me to get to Isabella Woods. I laughed bitterly and changed her name to Bella Swan.

And then I lost my bitterness.

I stared at the digital read out of her name and phone number. I stared at the phone and my thumb hovered over the send button. I could call her.

I could call her and hear her voice and find out if she was okay. I could call her and apologize for freaking her out; although, I was quite sure by now she had asked Charlie if I had really left the department and Seattle. I clenched the phone in my hand and threw it on the bed. I wasn't going to call her.

I was afraid if I called her I'd know in that moment whether or not I was really in love with her. I wasn't ready for that revelation yet. I'd wait until I got back to Seattle to face that new bag of problems. I needed to break through my guilt over Vanessa first. Chicago was going to give me new insight and perspective on that situation. Bella would come after. I heard on a knock of my door and reverted back to my high school days.

"Yeah?" I called out half-heartedly.

"Edward, its Alice," I heard her bell-like voice outside the door.

I sat up and called her in. She walked in and I smiled at her. Alice was truly a vision in her designer jeans, cardigan, and lively hair pin. I guessed that was her new trademark—an adorable pin to match every one of her outfits. It only added to her uniqueness. I opened my arms and she hugged me tightly before sitting next to me on the bed.

"Success! I _finally_ got you into my bed," I joked.

"Edward Masen!" she pushed my shoulder mockingly.

"I'm just teasing Alice. What's up?"

"Nothing really. I saw Jasper and Carlisle downstairs but you were missing. Jasper told me you two had a pretty intense discussion."

I sighed.

"He didn't tell me what you spoke about," she amended.

"I think I knew he wouldn't," I allowed.

There was a beat of silence before Alice spoke her peace.

"Edward, babe. You're like my brother—when you're in pain…so am I. And Jasper told me _not_ to say anything about this unless you brought it up but I just have to say this….I know what happened with your ex-girlfriend and I wanted to say I'm sorry. I love you and I'm here for you whenever you need someone. I know it can be hard talking to Jasper. He goes into doctor-mode and tells you things you don't necessarily want to hear but _please_ trust him. He only tells you those things for your benefit."

"I know. That's the reason why I go to him but I guess after a while I can only take so much," I exhaled heavily.

"Trust me, I know," she winked and ruffled my hair.

"I just feel so ashamed, ya know?"

"And it's perfectly okay that you feel that way but you have to know it wasn't your fault. Crazy things happen and people get reckless. It's about how _you_ respond to the situation after it happens. Bad things like what happened to that girl always give us two options. We either use it and get stronger or crack under pressure. And I know you, _Edward Masen_. You _don't_ crack under pressure," she looked at me with a firm expression. "There's a reason why you're the Lieutenant."

I smiled widely and hugged her into my side.

"Thanks, Alice. I needed that."

She pinched my cheek and an excited expression took over her face.

"Your Mom called me and told me she's baking a cake tonight," she grinned.

"Is she?" my eyebrows rose.

"Mhm, and I'll tell her you left Jasper alone to shovel the snow if you don't stop moping and get downstairs," she giggled and jumped off the bed.

Alice jogged over to the door and waited.

"How fast are you these days, Lieutenant?" she challenged me and shot out of the bedroom.

I hopped off the bed and took after her, feeling lighter and freer than I had in ages.

* * *

Thanks to Stephie for the Chicago knowledge! We'll dedicate this chapter to Mini in the hopes she gets better _very_ soon! ;)


	15. Chapter 15

I'm back!

The contest has been going well so far but I'd REALLY appreciate some help with the voting. I don't expect to make the Top 5 considering I'm like in 14th place but it doesn't hurt to try. Visit the ThreeSmutketeer's profile page and **PLEASE** vote for _Bella & Edward's Infinite Playlist_. You really should read it. It's some of my less angsty writing, you'll have a lot of laughs while reading. Voting ends tomorrow night (Feb. 12 at Midnight EST) so please vote soon.

Pictures for Carlisle and Esme are now on my freeweb if you're interested. I'm also working on another one-shot. It's just for my own personal enjoyment. I won't be creating a story out of it though. I'll give you guys more information on that when I get closer to finishing.

Chapter Song: I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner

_I don't own Twilight and am currently too busy to come up with a clever disclaimer ;)_

* * *

Thanksgiving had come sooner than I imagined. Jasper, Carlisle, and I were doing everything we could to stay out of Esme and Alice's way. Apparently our "help" was unwelcome in Mom's kitchen. She had even laid out snacks and drinks for us so we'd refrain from venturing in there.

Jasper and Carlisle had killed it for us men when they were caught picking on food. We watched a few football games while they hurried around the kitchen. At four o'clock, Alice ordered all of us to get ready. Her parents were supposed to arrive sometime after 5:30 and she wanted us all prepared.

I got dressed in a pair of khakis and a dark button-down I'd acquired two Christmases ago. Mom had given it to me and I knew she'd recognize it as soon as she saw me in it. I shaved and tried to do something constructive with my hair but it was a lost cause.

I decided to look through my old desk while I waited for the Brandon's to arrive. I opened up a drawer and found a stack of college acceptance letters. Not many of them were Ivy League schools despite my academic abilities. I knew I'd never attend Yale or Dartmouth so I didn't even bother paying the application fee and sending one in.

The next drawer had a baseball and other random belongings. But the next drawer I rifled through had what I was really excited to find. I picked up the pack of cigarettes and looked at the box. I was confused when I noticed how new the pack looked but then I remembered something.

I smirked and grabbed a leather jacket from my closet. Jasper was in the hallway, arguing with Alice over a tie, and Carlisle was sitting in the living room. I took the pack out of my jacket pocket, glanced over my shoulder, and waved them at Carlisle. He grinned and stood up. I went outside to the front porch and sat in one of Esme's chairs. Carlisle took the seat next to me and gave me a knowing look.

"I thought you'd quit?" I chuckled.

"I had forgotten about those. I hid them in your room. If your mother were to find them she'd have my head and besides I don't think she'd be surprised much if she found them in your drawer after all these years. No one goes in there," he replied while sitting down next to me.

"She didn't know that I smoked in high school," I argued.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me.

"Edward, you are _exceptionally_ delusional if you believe your mother didn't know you smoked. You did it often enough that she had figured you out. She never said anything because she hated being confrontational with you and because I smoked a lot back then but honestly."

I took the pack out of my coat and handed Carlisle a cigarette and took one for myself. I hadn't smoked in years—mostly because I was overly concerned with my health and fitness for the department. But with things the way they were lately, I was really missing the stress reliever.

I patted the leather jacket for a lighter and was not disappointed. I had been so predictable back then. I lit my cigarette and handed the lighter to Carlisle. I took a long drag and paused before I exhaled.

"Hello, old friend," Carlisle murmured after exhaling.

I laughed lowly and shook my head.

"So, when was the last time you took a puff, Carlisle?"

He sighed.

"I don't know. Probably two months ago. I was really stressed about some project I was working on for the hospital and I just needed a little relief. Actually, come to think of it…it was during the time the explosion in Seattle happened."

I nodded thoughtfully. That was right around the time I'd met Bella. I almost opened my mouth to say so but thought better of it. I'd already mentioned her more times this week than I was comfortable with. It was getting to the point where I was considering having my dick cut off because I was turning into such a girl.

But I couldn't stop myself. I was obsessed with further exploring this idea of loving Bella. It gave me more of a reason to think about her.

"Carlisle, can I ask you something?"

"Of, course."

I took a drag and looked at the snow on the front lawn.

"How did you know my Mom was 'the one'? I mean you were married before and happy."

Carlisle's expression turned pensive. He continued smoking for a while before answering me.

"I don't ever think I really made a conscious acknowledgment that your mother was 'the one.' After being with her for so many years I think I've come to see that she is my soul mate. You'll have to understand that marriage becomes a different institution after you've been through it already. Jasper's mother was a beautiful woman. I learned so much in our time together and I'll always love her deeply but I think being married to her made me the person I am today. Being married to her made me into the man that is your mother's soul mate.

"That phrase 'the one' gets thrown around so much. I don't necessarily believe there is a 'one' person. When I decided to marry your mother I didn't essentially do so because I knew right away she was 'the one' but because I knew she was special enough that I wanted to spend the rest of my life finding that out _with_ her. My first marriage helped rid me of those ideologies and my first marriage also made discovering your mother a different experience for me than it is for most people. When you get married Edward you probably won't go through what I went through. Sometimes finding your soul mate is about finding out about yourself. Jasper's mother helped me find myself out and afterwards I _did _find my soul mate. The Carlisle I was, before your Mom, could never be her soul mate. I was a different man."

"Do you think it's possible for your soul mate to have another?" I wondered with a certain hope and dread.

I was treading on thin ice.

"Hmm, I'm not sure. I would _like_ to think that maybe even if your soul mate is with someone else that eventually you'll be with them. Look at your mother and me."

I nodded thoughtfully and shocked the hell out of myself when I realized how desperately I wanted that to be true. I glanced at Carlisle and he was looking out at the lawn with a contemplative look on his face.

I realized in that moment how much I appreciated him for taking care of my mother when I failed to do so. I'd gotten so caught up in my own grief I'd never stopped to consider the emotional pain my mother went through. The man she believed to be her one and only had _left_ her.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Carlisle's head snapped to my own and he looked at me curiously.

"I never said thank you for taking care of her _and_ of me. You were nicer to me than I deserved. Both of you. Jasper included."

"Edward, don't be ridiculous. I have always loved you like my own son. Any arguments or disagreements we've had in the past are just that…the past."

"No, I mean you took care of her when I didn't. You took both of us in unconditionally and even now when I'm still isolating myself you're there for her. I don't do what I do to purposely make her unhappy. It's just the only way I know how to live. I'm not good at asking for help or being dependent," I confessed.

Carlisle looked at me intensely and nodded. I took a drag on my cigarette and exhaled through my nose.

"She looks beautiful by the way," I murmured and smiled.

He smiled back and nodded. Carlisle sat back in his chair and crossed his leg on his lap.

"You're going to laugh at this but…did you know I was quite the hippie back in the 60s?" he asked randomly.

I shook my head in surprise. I knew Carlisle smoked but that was about as rebellious as I'd known the man to be.

"One of the reasons why I never got on your case too much in high school for acting out was because I was the same way at your age….I swear sometimes I look at your mother and she's so damn beautiful. I would swear I was having LSD flashbacks," he chuckled while I laughed out loud, "especially when we're outside. All the colors in her hair, those highlights, and the way her eyes and cheeks just light up with color," he mused.

I was still laughing. I couldn't even be warmed by how reverently he was speaking of my mother's beauty. Carlisle had just admitted to dropping acid when he was a teenager.

"Are you serious right now? Does Jasper know this?" I choked out.

"Nah, it's never come out. Besides Jasper's the straight edge. I thank God that I didn't have two of _you_ at that age. Your mother and I would have gone prematurely gray. Well at least _she_ would have. I would have just been grayer," he laughed.

Carlisle took a quick puff and shook his head.

"Carlisle Cullen! Is that smoke I smell?!" my mother's voice shouted through the house.

I looked at him incredulously.

"How does she _smell_ that? She's in a kitchen full of food!" I whispered.

"I would swear your mother was a bloodhound in another life, son," he answered while standing up. "Which is also how we knew you did pot a few times in high school too," he winked and put out the cigarette before disappearing inside.

Fucking Carlisle.

When I went back inside, I was cornered by Jasper. He shook his head at the smell of smoke but didn't say anything. He _did_ say something about Mrs. Brandon however.

"Edward…Alice is very nervous about having Thanksgiving with the whole family. She did a lot of cooking today and she wants everything to go perfectly. If you so much as even _look_ at Caroline inappropriately I will personally beat the crap out of you," he warned.

I chuckled and broke away from his grasp.

First of all, I wasn't doing anything to Caroline Brandon. I couldn't help it if she liked the view. And secondly, I'd pay money to see Jasper try and beat anyone up, _especially_ me. I knew he could be a fierce little shit when he was angry or provoked enough—the few guys in high school that had looked at Jasper's ex-girlfriends a little too inappropriately were proof—but the thought of him doing it now, just because Mrs. Brandon was an over-sexed, middle-aged woman was laughable.

When she and her husband, Isaac, had arrived I saw the shock of seeing me visibly appear on her face. I smirked a little but did everything I could to will it away. Her husband was standing right fucking next to her. And I was anything if not respectful. I shook his hand and answered his mundane questions while his wife stared at me. I momentarily wondered if Alice ever noticed her mother's fixation with me.

I purposely sat on the opposite side of the dinner table, next to Alice and Jasper, and contemplated whether or not that was such a good idea. The plus side was that I didn't have to worry about her trying to jack off underneath the table, like in _Wedding Crashers_, but the downside was that she would do very suggestive things with her food and utensils.

Like when she licked the mashed potatoes off her fork for three seconds longer than necessary. I swear to God at moments like that I was wondering where the fuck everyone's eyes and brains were. There was no way I was the only one noticing this shit.

She would also do things like pass over side dishes with more zeal than necessary. Caroline had worn a more revealing top than, let's say, _my mother_ wore and she would deliberately bend over more than necessary when passing said side dishes around the table. The absolute worst though was when uncrossed and crossed her legs.

Each time she did that, she'd attempt to make contact with my crotch which was dangerously close to her comfort. I was going to fucking kill Alice for having such a sex-driven father that made her mother's sexual appetite in permanent overdrive. The woman was used to getting fucked six ways to Sunday. She was always looking for some release.

It was no mistake that Mr. Brandon's biggest stake was in sexually-oriented pharmaceutics. _Cialis, anyone?_ I would swear to God they were using Caroline as a fucking test animal. She was probably the inspiration behind Viagra for women.

Dinner and dessert passed in the same manner. I barely spoke during dinner. I was afraid of the word vomit I might have or that Caroline might keep forcing me to talk with superfluous questions. I wanted to damn everyone to hell when they suggested the Brandon's stay over. We'd gotten another three inches of snow during dinner and the weather didn't seem to be letting up.

I almost made a rude comment about how Mrs. Brandon probably needed to get some decent rest before Black Friday but I didn't want to make assumptions and embarrass Jasper or Carlisle and Esme. Alice was quite miffed she would have to stay over since her and Jasper's house was closer to her job but she knew better than to suggest driving in the weather outside.

I retired to my room earlier than everyone else and locked myself away. I didn't need to be woken up or bothered by Caroline on a trip to the bathroom. I wasn't sure if the Brandon's were staying in the guest room downstairs or on my floor but I was praying luck was on my side and I was sharing the floor with Jasper and Alice.

At some point in the night, I had started to have a dream about my father. Speaking with Carlisle and being around my mother had made thoughts of my father appear more frequently these days. The memories were more vivid and disconcerting.

I decided that a smoke would help and since the snow seemed to be almost snow globe-like that sitting outside might not be such a bad idea. It was 4:57 so I figured Alice was gone already. Jasper's BMW was gone so I took that as confirmation.

I lit my cigarette and smoked in silence. I didn't plan on restarting my nasty habit but it was nice for the time being. I watched the snow fall quietly and watched the sky turn to a lighter blue. I heard the front door open and almost dropped my cigarette. If it was Esme I was in trouble. I craned my neck but no one appeared.

I put out the cigarette and threw it in the snow. Esme would flip if she found cigarette butts on her front porch. I hung my jacket up in the front closet and went upstairs quietly. I had just reached the third floor when I saw her. Caroline was waiting outside my bedroom door in a fucking black lace slip. The color in my face drained and I seriously considered running back downstairs.

She strutted over to me and threaded her fingers in my hair.

"Mmm," she moaned, "I knew this sex hair of yours was _really_ this soft."

I closed my eyes and willed her to go away. She wouldn't. Caroline leaned forward and brought her lips to my ear. Her breath was hot on my skin.

"Edward, I know you've always wanted me. You could take me to your room right now and no one would ever know. I want you to fuck me _so_ hard," she purred.

And she was right.

For a time, I _did_ want Caroline Brandon. Not just because she was hot for a 50-something-year-old woman but also because of the taboo nature of fucking her lights out. But things had changed for me in these 3 months. I wasn't the same man anymore. If she had propositioned me before then I would have taken advantage of the golden opportunity but she hadn't.

So I wouldn't.

It wasn't about hurting Jasper or Alice. It was about hurting me. Having sex with Caroline Brandon would only hurt me in the end. In time the others would forgive me but I knew I'd never forgive myself. I was sick of having regrets and being disappointed with myself. So in this instance I'd grow the fuck up and not just indulge. I pushed her away lightly and her hands slid down my chest.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Brandon but I can't. It's not fair to Alice, or your husband, or anyone. You're married and it's inappropriate," I whispered.

Caroline's hand shot out and she grabbed me. My traitorous dick responded to her and I cursed myself.

"See, Edward. I know you want me. Don't resist it. I know a man like you can teach me a thing or two. You're so big and hard," she began to stroke me.

For a split second I relished in the feeling of getting jacked off by a cougar but then I remembered this was wrong. I pulled back abruptly and stalked past her. She whispered my name harshly and repeatedly but I locked the door behind me. I pressed my back against the door and sighed heavily. I climbed into my bed and willed my hard-on away. The shit was just _not_ fair.

I hid in my room until my mom forced me to come downstairs for breakfast. I made sure to cover up since Caroline was around. Normally a shirt off or shorts were no big deal but it was jeans and a sweatshirt for me this morning. Carlisle was talking to Jasper and Mr. Brandon and Mom was talking to Caroline.

I half considered slipping into the kitchen, grabbing breakfast, and disappearing but I knew my mother would catch me before I had a chance. I made myself a plate while grumbling and sat down next to Jasper. I mumbled 'Good Morning' to everyone and fixed my eyes to the plate below me.

My mother, being the ever intuitive one, sensed my hesitance to speak and make eye contact with everyone else. I was hoping that she'd let it go but I, of course, was not so lucky.

"Edward, sweetie, what's wrong? Are you feeling okay?" she lifted a hand to my forehead.

"Mom, I'm fine. Please," I replied a little sharper than she deserved.

She looked surprised and nodded quickly. I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to snap at you," I said quietly.

I knew Caroline's eyes were trained on our conversation but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of looking at her. I was actually pretty disgusted with her now. How could she entertain the idea of sleeping with her future son-in-law's stepbrother? It was sick and convoluted.

And I couldn't believe how sick and convoluted I had been for entertaining the idea months earlier. I wasn't quite sure what exactly had made me grow so much. I figured it had something to do with Vanessa and meeting Bella but whatever it was I was thankful for it. I was an adult. I needed to start fucking acting like it.

"It's okay. Are you a little tired?" my mother probed lightly.

"A little," I admitted, "I didn't sleep too well."

That was when I glanced at Caroline. I gave her a pointed look my mother wouldn't quite understand but Caroline would understand the harshness behind it.

"Were you restless? Did you have a bad dream?"

I looked at my mother and wanted to chuckle at her innocence. She still treated me like a little boy but I loved her for it. Her concern was endearing and infectious. I smiled fully at her and shook my head.

"Not particularly," I lied.

I wasn't about to tell her I had a nightmare about her ex-husband. I knew she didn't like thinking of my father. It was almost as bad a memory for me as it was for her. Her memory was clearer and she'd lived through his heartlessness for months prior. My pain was the equivalent to a scrape on the knee in comparison.

"Hey, Edward. I'm going to Alice's boutique in an hour or so. Would you like to come and see it?" Jasper asked.

"Sure," I shrugged.

My mother grinned proudly at the both of us and returned to attending Caroline.

"So, Edward, I hear you were involved with some sort of explosion a few months back," Mr. Brandon asked conversationally while sipping his coffee.

"Um, yes sir. I was heading a mission and it was sabotaged. Luckily we'd been informed prior to the explosion so were on high alert and able to get out safely. My men are very resourceful."

"An explosion," Caroline chimed in.

I wanted to turn and glare at her but it'd be too obvious.

"Yes. An explosion. The warehouse we were infiltrating was bombed," I replied without actually looking at her.

"You should be careful, Edward. I'm sure your mother would just die if even one hair on your head was messed up," she enunciated the words with her lips just a little too much to be considered normal.

"Oh, I worry all the time," my mother added innocently.

God, this was sick. I needed to leave.

"Thanks for breakfast, Mom. Jazz, come find me when you're ready to leave," I stood up and stalked away.

I locked myself in my room and changed out of my sweatshirt, with the heat on it was smoldering. I grabbed a t-shirt and slipped it on wordlessly. Then I grabbed my phone and lay on my bed. I went through my phone book until I was interrupted by a phone call. I freaked out for moment, thinking I'd called her.

"Hello?" I asked anxiously.

"Edward?"

Thank fucking God. It was Emmett.

"Hey, Emmett. Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Are you okay, Edward? You sound kind of skittish."

"No. I'm good. I just…forget it. How's Seattle?"

"Not the same without you man," I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I know. I'm leaving Sunday though. I'll be in the office on Monday. Did you have the Captain work on that draft I told you about? I really need to nail this thing with Herman when I get back."

"Yeah, we've got a plan in motion. Hirsch isn't cool with the plan but Charlie's going for it so he's been quietly hovering if you catch my drift."

"I know. I wish he would fucking do something illegal and get fired. I hate that son of a bitch," I spat.

"Well, when you get back we're going to start laying down the framework for the sting. Herman's not _that_ much of an idiot so we've got to be careful. The last thing Charlie wants is for the department to be accused of investigating something that has no claim. Neither does the D.A."

"How's the surveillance been going?"

"It'd be more efficient if you were here but so far it's manageable. We've got non-descript officers passing by him daily and he doesn't even realize it."

"Be careful with that method, Em. He could end up recognizing someone after being sent twice or he could catch on."

"We will."

And I knew he would because Emmett doesn't make promises he can't keep.

"Listen, Edward…what's the deal with Isabella? Is she involved? If she's got some incriminating shit then I want in. I know we have to follow procedure and go through you but I want all the breaks I can get," he admitted.

"Isabella…is difficult right now. I haven't spoken to her since I left. I actually have been meaning to tell you this…."

"Tell me what?" he prodded.

"Emmett, are you on a secure line at home?" I asked cautiously.

"I wouldn't have told you all that shit if I wasn't."

"I just need to be sure."

"Edward, you're killing me. What is it?"

"She's Charlie's daughter…"

Cue pause.

"You're shitting me," he whispered.

"No. You can't say anything to anyone. I'm speaking to you as a Lieutenant, Emmett," I warned.

"No, I got it man. I wouldn't say a word. How did you find out?"

"I overheard them."

"Damn. You'd think a fucking Chief of Police would be more careful," he chuckled.

"True but in all fairness it was an off night and it was late."

"Still, everyone needs to be on high alert. There have been rumors going around about a few snitches. I think it's best to stick to our men as much as possible. From what I hear the snitch is most likely a Forensic or one of the rookies. You know we're getting a shitload of recruits in the precincts."

"I agree. Things are going to get dangerous soon. You know that, Emmett?"

The tone of our discussion had taken a serious tone. There were no more jokes or light conversation. What we were discussing was serious business that affected the lives of more people than any of us realized. Everything was heightened now. One mistake could cost a life or an entire case. It was best to tread lightly and tread quietly.

The New Year was approaching sooner than we would be prepared for and with the New Year would come big changes. The stakes were going to be raised as soon as we caught Peter Herman engaging in illegal activity. After that, we'd use him as a puppet to find out everything we needed to build a case against Fiori.

If he wanted to take us out he was going to need more explosive material than he'd used last time. I wasn't going out with a fight.

"I know. I tell Rosie I love her every single time I leave."

"Em, can I ask you a personal question? As a friend?"

"Absolutely."

"Don't you ever worry about Rosalie? I mean don't you ever feel guilty for having her around when you know you might not be able to be there for her someday?" I wondered.

He sighed and stayed silent for a moment while he thought out his answer.

"No. I could never feel guilty for loving Rosalie and being with her. My life would be useless without her in it. If I were to die, I wouldn't want to die with regret. If I didn't love her fully every single day and love her the way she deserves then I'd die with the most pathetic regret ever."

I stood silent and considered his words. He was brave for loving someone he wasn't sure he could spend eternity with. In so many ways Emmett was braver than I'd ever be. I wasn't sure if it was fair or accurate to measure courage through such things as willingly giving up your life in pursuit of justice and peace.

Maybe the most reasonable measure was in emotional courage—the ability to devote your heart to another person unconditionally and love that person regardless of what may come. Maybe my courage was subjective in comparison.

It was the kind of bravery that took more emotional hollowness than complete surrender. It took a person's trust in the other to accept them wholly and flawed. I didn't think it was fair make someone love me with my flawed nature.

I heard a knock on the door and glanced over.

"Listen, Emmett. I think that's Jasper. I better go. He's going to Alice's shop-place and he wants me to tag along," I explained.

He chuckled.

"Yeah, Rosalie's doing that Black Friday nonsense. She tried to get me to go with her but I refused," he laughed deeply.

"I'm sure of that. I'll talk to you before I get back. Say hi to Rosalie, okay?"

"Sure thing. Tell your Momma I said hi," the grin in voice was obvious.

"Fuck you," I retorted.

I heard him mutter "Mrs. Brandon" and I explained that I'd fill him in on her another night. I snapped the phone shut and opened the door. Jasper was sitting at the top of the staircase, waiting for me.

"Hey, Jazz. Sorry, Emmett was on the phone."

"It's fine, Edward. I understand. You still have a job back home," he stood up and brushed off his slacks.

Jasper and Carlisle were the only two grown men I knew that wore slacks on a daily basis. It was all Cardigan's and Polo's for them. It was actually pretty funny how metro sexual they were. Carlisle had grown into such habits and Jasper had followed right in his footsteps. I, personally, was a jeans and a t-shirt kind of guy. I kept shit simple.

We walked out to Carlisle's Range Rover and drove off. The snow and amount of uncharacteristic traffic at 11 AM made getting to Alice's store a little more frustrating than need be. As soon as we walked in, I noticed the stares and licking of the lips. I noticed girls eying me and then moving to Jasper and then repeating the process.

They were fucking nuts if they thought I'd ever be into that sort of stuff. Alice was walking around the store with a clipboard and an earpiece with a microphone hanging on the right side of her face.

"Watch this," Jasper instructed.

He waved over one of the employees who also had an earpiece and whispered something in her ear. She grinned and nodded at him.

"Alice, we've got a problem. Someone keeps switching the Blue Argyle Scarves with the $29.99 Purple Striped Scarves," she murmured into the microphone.

I glanced at Alice and her eyes narrowed at the rack. She stomped over and inspected the Ascot rack. Her hands moved faster than the speed of light as she checked the price tags and SKU numbers. She glared at the rack and then stalked over to the girl who had relayed the message.

She was about to light into her for paging her unnecessarily when Jasper stepped out from behind the rack. The abrupt change from pure anger to elation was hysterical. I chuckled quietly and turned away when she jumped on Jasper.

I didn't want to intrude upon their kissing. I was apparently by the jewelry section and perused through the random bracelets, necklaces, and earrings on display. One charm bracelet caught my eye when an unknown voice interrupted my inattention.

"That's a beautiful bracelet," the voice spoke conversationally.

I glanced up and saw a dark-haired girl with tan skin and hazel eyes. She reminded me of Vanessa and it startled me.

"It is," I replied when I finally found my voice after the initial shock.

She smiled happily and moved closer.

"Listen, I know this is completely out there but I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to grab so—"

"Look, I don't mean to be rude. You're a truly pretty girl but I really don't think that's such a good idea. I'm from Seattle and I'm leaving Sunday and honestly I'm not the sort of guy you should be after. I'm not a good person," I cut off the girl before she put herself _all_ the way out there.

"Oh, I'm sure you are," she countered sincerely.

"No, really I'm not. I wish otherwise but its fact. You're beautiful and you'll find someone who'll treat you right but it just isn't me."

"I don't necessarily want a relationship," she insisted and put a flirtatious smile onto her lips.

"I'm sorry. It's just not right."

She sighed dejectedly.

"Who's the bracelet for then?" she wondered.

I looked at the bracelet in my hand. The charms were completely cliché and utterly unique at the same time. There was a heart, star, lightning bolt, lips, a diamond, and a rose.

"I'm not sure," I replied honestly.

She shrugged and walked off, leaving me alone. I continued to stare at the bracelet, wondering why I had the sudden compulsion to buy the overpriced item. Alice suddenly appeared next to me and looked down at the bracelet.

"I designed that one," she spoke.

I looked at her.

"You did?"

"Mhm, I had this vision one afternoon when I was doing some sketches. It just came to me accidentally and I had this urge to design that bracelet. I know the charms are pretty random but I wouldn't change them. I have this feeling that they mean more than even _I _know," she admired the silver piece of jewelry.

"I wanna buy it."

I was shocked by my words. I hadn't even considered them in my mind. They just came out. Alice grinned victoriously and grabbed my hand.

"I demand an employee discount though," I added while she dragged me to the front counter.

I was skipping ahead of a ton of women in line but Alice insisted it'd be fine. I heard her mutter something about enjoying the view from behind. I rolled my eyes and waited. Alice would fight but she knew I'd get the discount. There was no way in hell I was paying $100 for the damn bracelet.

I didn't give a shit if it was sterling silver and had crystals on it or not. I managed to coax a price difference out of Alice and buy the bracelet for $65.

The price was still a little steep but when I finally admitted to myself who I was buying the bracelet for I decided it was worth it. She was more valuable than any sum of money. Even if I wasn't ready to admit exactly how much that value was.

I decided I'd give it to her for Christmas. We'd known each other long enough that it wouldn't be _too_ forward if I gave her something. Jasper and I left Alice to her shop and told her we'd see her tonight. We decided to drive around a little bit when Jasper pulled into a park. We sat down on a bench together and stared at the kids playing on the jungle gym.

"Do you remember being that age?" Jasper smiled wistfully.

"Of course, I do."

I remembered it for different reasons.

"Oh, Edward. Shit…I'm sorry."

"Jasper it's fine. It's in the past."

He sighed.

"No it's not. It still haunts you. You don't like to admit it but it's true," he argued quietly.

Now I sighed.

"I've been having some bad dreams this week about him. It's absolutely insane that a man who's been shot at numerous times should be scared of a memory of his father leaving him," I joked.

My joke wasn't funny to Jasper.

"Edward, why haven't you said anything about the dreams? I'm sure you probably understand what the trigger is," he replied.

"I don't know. I don't like loading all this baggage onto you."

"Edward, I'm a psychologist. It's a part of the job description to listen to people. Sure, most patients I deal with are mentally unstable but that doesn't mean I don't have the ability to listen and help people work through their issues. Forget that I'm your brother for a moment," he pled.

I mashed my lips together. I wasn't sure how easy it'd be to forget he was my brother.

"Edward."

I closed my eyes and opened my mouth.

"I hate myself. I have this unrelenting feeling that everything I touch gets completely ruined. It's like a fucking reverse Midas-touch. Vanessa _died_ because of the emotional abuse I put her through. Bella has probably been freaking out for the last week and beating herself up as a result of the way I treated her so harshly after I found out she lied. My father left because I wasn't good enough for him. I'm trying _so hard_ not to ruin things and somehow shit still hits the fan. I mean honestly…would you have a great perception of yourself?

"Hell, I might be in love and shit and I've never even _kissed_ the girl. And she's fucking taken…like _really_ taken. And her Dad is the Goddamn Commissioner. He'd never in a million years let me near his daughter—I don't blame him either. I want her so damn bad but I'd never steal her like that. She deserves the best and more. I'll never be able to give that to her. I don't even fucking know if I'll live through a day at work sometimes. Emmett can do it because he's brave but I don't have that kind of courage. I think I lost it when he left," I ended with a whisper.

I clenched my jaw and inhaled through my nose. The cool air seemed to settle my nerves and anxiety.

"Thank you for being honest with me about it. It takes a lot of nerve to admit that about yourself. I know you don't like being vulnerable but maybe it's time you started being more open and honest. Have you ever thought of telling Mom this? Or seeking out you father? You never got closure, Edward, maybe it's time you found some," he suggested.

"I couldn't. I don't think I could control myself if I saw him."

"I understand. It's only a suggestion. Look, I've got a list of some highly recommended psychiatrists in your area…," he paused and a smile started to appear, "it doesn't make you any less of a man by the way."

I laughed loudly and nodded my head.

"I know. I promise I'll look into it. It feels kind of nice talking about this stuff actually. I don't feel so bottled up," I realized.

We both stared out at the children playing. I would give anything to be so innocent and carefree once again. I'd carried the weight of the world on my shoulders since I was a little boy. I'd subconsciously taken on the emotional baggage my father had placed on me. I never meant to but it was the only explanation for why I turned into the person I was.

"Alice and I have been thinking about children lately," Jasper said quietly.

I turned and looked at him. I almost wasn't sure I heard him.

"Really?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah, I don't think we'll start trying right after the wedding. I mean she and I are doing great at our jobs but we do think about it a lot."

I smiled. The thought of a niece or nephew was heartwarming. Those two would have one damn good looking kid.

"What do you want? A girl or a boy?"

"Either is fine. For some reason I do see myself having a little girl though. Alice is hell-bent on having a girl. She wants a mini Alice to tote along," he chuckled.

I laughed as well and shook my head. I could visualize it now. Alice would be the type of mother who'd get dressed up for her daughter and have tea with a Motley Crue of stuffed animals and baby dolls. And Jasper would be a great father, fiercely protective of his little girl but sensitive enough that he would let her put bows in his hair.

I envied him for a moment. I wanted my life to be so full of love and certainty. He had Alice. He knew his future. I was abruptly overcome with a feeling of dissatisfaction. I wanted my life to be the same way. No more take-out, Scotch, and an empty bed. I wanted someone to love.

* * *

Bella's up next...


	16. Chapter 16

I'm not even going to do the long A/N thing. I know you're anxious.

Chapter song: I Want You by Janet Jackson

_I don't own Twilight but I _do_ recommend waiting to read this chapter if you're hungry ;)_

* * *

"Bella, baby, you have to get up," Jacob's voice spoke softly to the left of me.

His large hands stroked my hair, coaxing me from my slumber. I sighed and slowly opened my eyes. A grayish light was streaming through the uncovered window of my bedroom. I turned over and Jacob was lying next to me, staring, and still stroking my hair.

"We have to get up. Billy already called and said he's on his way with the Clearwater's."

I nodded and placed a hand on his cheek. He kissed my palm and sat up quickly. Jacob stood up revealed his Daredevil boxers. He didn't realize it but when he did that every morning it made me happy. It brought a smile to my face and reminded me of why I should be so thankful to have him and be living such a good life.

I followed him into the bathroom, he was brushing his teeth, and I started a shower. Today was Thanksgiving. We were having dinner at my house. Charlie _needed_ to be at Thanksgiving and due to the nature of his job it really wasn't practical for him to go all the way to La Push. Billy and the Clearwater's were more than willing to come down to the city just to be together. Charlie and I had become a little part of their family.

Jacob "helped" me in the shower. I was typically more productive for the sake of conserving water but he was incredibly distracting. I got dressed in plain clothes and went downstairs. I had a lot in store for me today, considering I was cooking for 14 people—myself included—tonight. Kim and Jared would have tagged along but they were spending the holiday with her family.

Rachel and Emily were coming over to help me cook. I glanced at the clock to see what time it was. It was after 8:30. I started to season and prepare the turkey while Jacob cleaned the house. Jacob was always really great about splitting household chores and helping out. It was almost more about the fact that he hated for me to lift a finger.

The doorbell rang and I figured it was the girls so I washed my hands and grabbed the door. Jacob was lost somewhere in the garage. The sounds of The Beatles from behind the garage door suggested he hadn't even heard it. I wrenched the door open and Rachel and Emily each had a duffle bag and groceries. It was easier for them to get dressed here than to travel back and forth to their houses.

"Hey," I grinned and gave each of them a hug.

They placed their belongings by the staircase and followed me into the kitchen. I was working on a chocolate pie for dessert when they arrived so I went back to my responsibilities while they started to make traditional Quileute foods.

I watched them carefully. I knew that someday I might need to make those foods so I studied the ingredients and their techniques. They would catch me watching every once in a while and smiled knowingly at me.

"So how's the apartment decorating going?" I asked Emily.

"It's getting there. Sam doesn't really have any opinion on anything so it makes it hard sometimes. I just want to know what he wants and I get nothing," she sighed.

Rachel put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

"I would imagine it makes it easier to a certain degree though," I smiled and tried to make the situation lighter.

She smiled a small and quick smile. Rachel winked at me and kissed her temple.

"C'mon it's the holidays! Don't fret about silly decorating. Be happy he doesn't expect your apartment to be equipped with an Xbox and a pinball machine," Rachel rolled her eyes at the end.

I chuckled and continued cutting the potatoes I was using to make sweet potatoes. I was _quite_ sure that that response was the result of a conversation Rachel and Paul must have had. Paul was nothing if not blissfully immature and simple-minded. It wasn't a negative thing, he just liked being fun and carefree. It was the central reason as to why Rachel loved him so much. It made their relationship livelier.

Jacob suddenly emerged from the garage and closed the door shut behind him. His t-shirt had smudges of oil on it. I looked at his shirt unhappily. He was _constantly_ ruining his clothes.

"Jacob Black, what did I say about working in the garage?" I scolded.

"I know, babe, I'm sorry. My jumpsuit is upstairs and once I got to tinkering I just forgot," he explained and came forward to kiss my temple.

I sighed and didn't reply. He knew what I was thinking.

"Boy you sure do know how to keep my brother in check, Bella," Rachel giggled.

"That's because he's knows if he doesn't stay in my good graces that living here will be _very _miserable and his apartment is only worse," I laughed and reached up to kiss his cheek.

"If I would have known the apartment thing was such good leverage I would have insisted on Sam keeping his," Emily laughed and nudged Jacob's side.

"Alright! Alright! Enough with the let's-poke-fun-at-Jacob-brigade," he looked at all of un-amusedly.

Rachel "zipped" her lips and Emily did her best to stifle her giggles.

"And Emily you better hope I don't tell Sam what you just said," Jacob laughed and stole some of my Hershey's kisses before running out of the kitchen.

All the dish towels we threw at him were just a second too late but I think he knew better than to test any of us again. The girls and I took a break for about an hour when I got a phone call from Renee in Florida.

"Hello?"

"Hi sweetheart!"

"Mom! How are you?" I smiled instinctively at the sound of her voice.

We emailed and texted each other regularly but I hadn't heard her actual voice in a while. I excused myself from the dining room and went outside to sit on the porch.

"Oh, I'm good sweetie. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. Has Jacob's family arrived yet?"

"No, they're not far off though."

"Is Billy staying with you and Jacob?"

"Yeah. Harry and Sue are going to stay at Seth and Leah's apartment."

"Well that's good. How's your father? Is he coming too?"

"Mhm, I haven't heard from him yet actually. That's pretty strange," I realized, "how's Phil?"

"He's alright. We're going to a teammate's house for dinner. You know cooking's not really my thing and we don't have any family out this way."

_You _would_ have your mother if you cared enough_, I thought sourly.

"Grandma Marie is spending Thanksgiving at the home. I would have driven her down here to be with us but the doctors don't suggest her traveling anywhere. Her bones and arthritis get to her right away," I sighed.

"Oh, it's okay. She loves it at the nursing home," Renee insisted.

"I know. I know they're good to her and that she'll have something special prepared for her but it just still feels impersonal, ya know?"

"Baby, it's not your responsibility. She's old and you have a new family to cater to. You have to realize she might not be with us soon. Sometimes I worry you're too attached. You've got to move forward and focus on the now."

I looked at the phone incredulously. I wanted to scream at her indifference and callousness. I exhaled heavily and decided to end the conversation. Rachel and Emily were probably back to cooking anyway.

"Mom, I think I should go. Rachel and Emily need my help."

"Okay, sweetheart! I love you! Say hi to Jacob for me!"

"Bye, Mom."

I hung up before she could realize I hadn't said 'I love you' back. It wasn't that I didn't love her. I did. No matter how insensitive she could be she was my mother, and a relatively good one at times. It just made it hard to utter the words back when she was so rude. I hugged my arms around my legs and placed my chin on my knees. She reminded me a lot of Edward.

He made it hard for me to like him sometimes but in his moments of grace and honesty I couldn't see a reason not to. Edward was always so blinded by the things that made him such a cold person that he couldn't see the things that made truly _made_ him in his shining moments. I was still so angry at him for leaving without an explanation but I couldn't stay angry for very long.

I knew I'd been wrong in waiting so long to tell him about Charlie. I was starting to wonder if I should apply the principles I'd learned to a similar situation. How did I tell Jacob I was working with Edward (and had been for months)? I squeezed legs closer to my chest and wondered when everything became so complicated. I knew _who_ was responsible for the complication but I couldn't pinpoint when.

I wondered if it was when my relationship with him became less professional and more personal. Or when I started to care about his well-being more than most things I usually thought of. Was it when he'd shown me the broken soul who just needed someone to hold on to while he got back onto his feet? Or did it happen when I finally saw him as Edward and not Lieutenant?

I had sat in my car and cried the night I find out Vanessa died. I felt so helpless and guilty. I was helpless to make Edward feel better and get through this and I felt oddly guilty for his pain. Seeing someone so absolutely broken and hopeless cut me deeper than I ever expected. I cared for him more than I should. He'd grown to mean so much to me in these last few months.

I saw past his façade and arrogance and saw a man with low self-esteem and more baggage than I could ever expect to relieve him of. I wanted so badly to rid him of it. He was more than a friend to me. I had this inexplicable and overpowering need to want to care for him. In so many ways he was like a child that just wandered through life looking for guidance but never opening his mouth.

He didn't know how to ask for help. It wasn't his fault. It was just a behavior he'd unknowingly accepted. As the wind blew I realized a few small tears had escaped. I brushed them away quickly and inhaled. I really needed to get back inside.

When I went inside, Jacob was freshly showered and sitting on the counter with Rachel and Emily. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his torso. He smiled at me and I pushed my lips against his. My mouth parted and I dragged my bottom lip against his own. I could tell he was confused but was too caught up in our kiss to question me.

I pulled back and Emily and Rachel were studiously cooking, while ignoring me and Jacob. Jacob grabbed my hand without a word and walked with me upstairs silently. He opened the first door he saw and pulled me into the guest room. He cupped my face and stared at me.

"Baby, what's wrong? Are you okay? The girls told me you were on the phone with your Mom," Jacob said.

I held onto his wrists and stared back at him.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"Bella, you know you can always tell me what's wrong. I'm _alway_s here for you. I love you more than anything."

I closed my eyes and forced the tears back. I wasn't okay but I couldn't tell him why. I was keeping a secret from him and if he found out I wasn't sure I could continue acting the way I had been lately and not have him realize it was a result of Edward. Jacob had just been writing my behavior and moods off to work and Renee. He would have every right to accuse me of emotional cheating if he knew.

I was thinking more about Edward than any woman with a boyfriend should. I spent more time with Edward than any woman with a boyfriend should. And it was easy to say I should leave Jacob and devote my time to Edward but I wasn't even sure where we stood.

Besides he was too broken a man for even _me_ to fix. Jacob loved me and I still loved him. It was absurd to consider the idea. I released Jacob's wrists and wrapped my arms around him. I pressed my face into his chest and his hands moved to hold me tight to him.

"I love you so much, baby. Whatever it is you can tell me. I'll always be waiting," he pressed a kiss to the top of my head and rubbed my back.

"I just don't know anymore," I mumbled into his chest.

One of his hands stroked my hair while the other rubbed my back.

"I love you," I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

He pulled back and held my face.

"I love you too. Forever," he whispered back.

I nodded and hugged him once more. He couldn't help me figure out my problems but he would be there for me. I loved him for it. He was my rock. I was lost without him, I reminded myself. We went back downstairs and the girls were watching a random movie on TV. Jacob sat in his armchair and perched me onto his lap. We sat watching the movie until the oven went off and the final dishes needed to be prepared.

While Rachel, me, and Emily fluttered around the kitchen in a hurry, Charlie arrived. Billy and the Clearwater's were waiting for dinner at Seth and Leah's apartment. One great thing I could say about Charlie and Jacob was that they always got along well. Jacob was the perfect guy for me in Charlie's eyes and Jacob loved how cool my father was.

They sat in the living, watching a football game, while the girls and I got ready upstairs. Rachel got ready in one guestroom while Emily got dressed in the other. I was clad in my underwear, trying to put some tights on when Jacob came upstairs to change into his nicer clothes.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" I called from our bathroom.

"Do you know where that navy sweater your Mom got me is?" he called out.

"It's in the closet. There's no laundry in the laundry room so it has to be there," I shouted back.

"Okay."

I grabbed the simple plum-colored dress I'd bought for tonight and slipped it on. My normally boring, straight hair was pinned back tonight and curled into loose waves at the bottom thanks to Rachel. Hair styling products to me were like iPhone's to Renee—completely and utterly confusing, frustrating, and daunting. I stepped into my flats and was about to call out for Jacob when I turned around.

He was standing in the doorframe looking at me longingly. I smiled and blushed deeply. Jacob knew me better than anyone but blood still rushed to my face every time he looked at me that way. He stepped forward and pressed me into the counter.

"Bella, you look _beautiful_," he breathed and pressed his lips against mine once, twice, three times, a fourth time before he lingered.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips closer to mine. I loved these moments where we could forget everything and just be Bella and Jacob. Our relationship, our romance, seemed to get pushed under the rug so much these days.

I was going to need to do something soon to rekindle it. He'd always been so good to me, even now; I needed to remind him how much I loved him too. I pulled away, absolutely breathless, and rested my forehead against his.

"Our kids are going to be _so_ good-looking," he chuckled against me and squeezed my waist.

I giggled back and pushed him away. On our way downstairs the doorbell rang. The Clearwater's and Billy had arrived. I gave Billy a big hug. He was like another father to me. I adored that man. Harry and Sue looked as young as ever and Seth and Leah were laughing and bothering each other—typical behavior. Everyone looked spectacular and happy. _This _was my family. I was just disappointed Grandma Marie couldn't be here.

Charlie and Billy took to talking sports right away. I set the dining table in the formal dining room. It was a separate part of the house that Jacob and I didn't use much. The only time I ventured down the lower East hallway was to go to the laundry room. When I came back, Charlie caught my eye and winked.

I smiled back at him and grabbed some of the food. Charlie looked nice tonight too. He usually looked so exhausted and down-trodden because of his job but being here had certainly renewed his spirits.

Paul and Sam arrived soon after, along with Embry and Quil, once the table was completely set and we all went to the dining room. I sat down between Jacob and Billy. Billy always made everything more fun. His constant banter with Charlie was more entertaining than most TV.

We all shared what we were thankful for and then dug in. I was worried if everyone would have enough food but I was relieved after everyone served themselves and there was still a generous amount of basically everything left.

"So, Charlie how's work going? We heard about the explosion a few months back," Harry asked conversationally.

I tensed and looked at Charlie unconsciously. He was looking at me too but only for half a second before he answered. He couldn't look at me for long. It would raise suspicions. No one aside from him and Jacob knew about my column. It was on a need-to-know basis.

"It's alright. Nothing ever really came of the explosion. The bomb squad and investigators determined it was planned but that was basically it. It's harder to convict these criminals than you think."

"I'm sure. Even the F.B.I. is no closer to solving that case of those hikers who were murdered in the woods a few years back in Forks," Sue agreed.

"You wouldn't believe how good they are at what they do. Some of the smartest people are these criminals," Embry added.

"It's true. When we bust them it's incredible to see the technology and systematic covering up they resort to. It's fascinating and terrifying at the same time. You walk a thin line between the two at my job," Charlie spoke.

"How about a subject change?" I interjected.

I hated talking about crime and politics at home, especially when the nature of their conversation kept reminding me of a certain green-eyed man.

"Alright, Bella. You decide then," Charlie grinned.

I stuck my tongue out at him and replied.

"How about we hammer out the details of some of our Christmas plans?" I suggested.

_That_ certainly made the conversation steer in a completely different direction. Everyone seemed to have plans that didn't really intertwine well. I decided maybe it was a good thing to spend Christmas on our own. I didn't want to leave Grandma Marie on her own for another holiday. Charlie seemed to agree. He still cared for his ex-mother-in-law and always encouraged me to continue seeing her.

I decided I wanted to talk to Charlie about Renee before he left. If I was being totally honest, I also wanted to know if he'd heard an update on Edward. I was half-considering calling him but I didn't want to rock the boat. He could still be rightfully angry with me.

When dessert came I set out coffee and the pie I made along with Rachel and Emily's desserts. Everyone seemed to love everything. I made me feel better and lighter for a moment, knowing that this one part of my life was going well. It made sense and was simple; being with the people I loved was simple. I gave Jacob a slice of my pie and Rachel's apple pie. He looked at it hungrily and I giggled at his exuberance.

Like almost every other man at the table, he inhaled his food. I glanced at Rachel who was looking at Paul. She looked like she couldn't decide whether she wanted to be disgusted or laugh. After everyone finished, I was showered with praises for organizing dinner. I deflected a lot of the compliments to Rachel and Emily while Charlie shook his head.

"It's just like you, Bella, to be overly modest," he laughed.

Billy nudged my side and nodded in agreement. I blushed at the attention and shrugged.

"Well, I think Bella's a keeper Jacob. You better hold on to her. That Chocolate Paradise Pie was amazing!" Seth grinned widely at me.

I said a quiet thank you and leaned into Jacob's side. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and held me tight.

"I absolutely agree. Although, I think Bella's getting a pretty good deal too," he joked.

Billy laughed and rolled his eyes.

"He's a liar, Bella," Billy warned with a gleam of humor in his eye.

I looked at Jacob and kissed his jaw.

"No, Jacob's the best boyfriend a girl could ask for."

"I agree. In fact, I think you should marry me," he added with a wink.

I laughed at him.

"I'm serious, Bella. You never know one day some girl might sweep me off my feet," he cautioned halfheartedly.

I rolled my eyes and poked him.

"Well, then I guess that leaves space open for the many officers at Charlie's job that are vying for my attention," I joked back.

Charlie guffawed and the entire table laughed too. I stopped short when I realized what exactly I had implied. I hadn't even been thinking of Edward when I made that statement. I was thinking about Valence or the other officers who leered at me. The conversation took off in another direction again and I sat there awkwardly.

My anxiety was unnoticed by everyone, including Jacob, but I was aware of it. It sat in the corner of the room, staring at me. Dinner and dessert just wasn't fun for me anymore when I realized my error. I sort of wanted everyone to go home now. I'd _wait_ to talk to Charlie about Renee and Edward.

It was weird how that strange feeling that I'd spoken the truth changed my entire mood. Eventually everyone did leave. Jacob helped Billy upstairs while I fixed the guestroom. The bathroom was directly across the hall if Billy needed it and in case of emergency it was the closest room to the staircase.

I went into my bedroom and got undressed while Jacob lay in bed. I took the bobby pins out of my hair and slipped into a t-shirt and shorts. I turned the light switch off. Jacob waited for me as I climbed into bed and snuggled into his side.

I felt so lost these days. Whenever I went back to Jacob I felt better. The lamp on the nightstand behind him was still on while he rubbed the skin of my forearm. I closed my eyes to try and escape through sleep. I thanked God for the fact I had grown out of my sleep-talking habit from childhood and adolescence. I'd give myself up to Jacob before I even had a shot.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"I really did mean what I said tonight. I've been thinking about it, about marrying you," he spoke quietly.

My eyes opened and he was staring at me. His eyes were dark brown and passionate. I didn't know what to say.

"Do you think maybe you want to get married? I know not right now but I'd love to marry you someday," Jacob's voice rang with love.

My throat tightened and I almost started to cry again.

"I just…we're getting older and I really wanted to have everything figured out by 30. I've still got time. It's plenty of time for us."

I was speechless. With my behavior so distant in this last week, I hardly expected this. I nodded because it _was_ something I thought about for us. At so many times it felt like maybe my attachment to Edward was fleeting—a product of over-involvement. When it _was_ those few instances where it was just me and Jacob and we could be Bella and Jacob, the two people who loved each other and were in a relationship, it felt like this thing with Edward was something I over thought and glorified.

It felt like I was turning something so miniscule into a huge affair. Jacob stared at me, seeking the truth in my eyes. I knew he'd found it because it was there. I _did_ want to marry him someday. He was the love of my life. I'd never loved someone like this before.

My various relationships in high school and college were nothing of this level. He leaned forward and captured my lips in a sweet, loving, and long kiss. Once he pulled back he reached behind him and turned the light out. I curled into his side.

Sleep evaded me. After some time, Jacob's breathing had evened out into low snores. My back was flush against his chest. His body kept me warm in the November winter. It was steadily raining outside. The lines of rain that slowly ran down the window reminded me of tears. I forced back my own, refusing to cry in my bed I shared with Jacob.

I was so confused about things. The concept of Edward at any capacity in my life complicated everything. His mood swings were so abrupt that it made me unsure of where I stood with him. Times where I was sure I was going North, he'd come along and I'd end up to the South. There were no certainties with Edward. I could never count on any one reaction from him.

Of course he'd become a warmer, more amiable, person since we'd met but I couldn't always be sure of that. Our confrontation last week had been proof enough. He was positively livid. Where just the day before we'd shared lunch and had a _real_ moment in which we connected on a level I hadn't believed possible, he was suddenly angry.

Our relationship was so strained. I allowed a hypothetical and considered if we were ever in a romantic relationship. I was certain if such an alternate universe were to ever exist our relationship would be highly difficult to maintain.

We argued often. We had opposing viewpoints. He reacted strongly to things. Sometimes Jacob and Charlie accused me of not reacting _enough_. I challenged my role as a female. He lived as an alpha male, type-A personality. But aside from our own problems that would strain a relationship, there were the everyday problems we faced as people who served the city of Seattle.

He was a police Lieutenant. I was an anonymous reporter who ruffled people's feathers. It would never happen for us. Not unless something stronger than either of us pulled us together. I knew there was nothing between us so I let it go. Thoughts like this made my life more complex than necessary and to a degree I was sick of visiting.

The following morning I woke up alone. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and padded downstairs to find Jacob. I heard laughing for a second and wondered who the over voice might me. Then I realized last night had been Thanksgiving and Billy spent the night. I walked in and Billy was sitting at the small kitchen table I had with Jacob. Jacob was eating cereal and Billy was drinking coffee. They both stopped as I appeared.

"Morning, babe," Jacob smiled.

"Good Morning, Bella."

"Morning Billy," I smiled back and took the seat next to Jacob.

I gave him a kiss on the cheek and looked over at Billy.

"Did you offer your father breakfast?" I asked in a horrified tone.

"He didn't want any," Jacob's eyes grew wide while he defended himself.

"It's true, Bella. I usually have a late breakfast. The coffee is fine for now," he smiled and his eyes crinkled at the edges.

I stepped out to check the mail. I had a few bills, letters, and an invitation. The invitation stuck out to me immediately as I came back inside the house. I opened it up and read the information. I had completely forgotten Charlie's banquet was coming up soon. I looked back at the envelope and realized he had mailed the invitation. I smiled at his awful handwriting, something I had acquired, and sat back down at the table.

"Jake, we got invited to Charlie's banquet."

"What banquet?" he asked with a mouthful of food.

Billy smacked his head and I chuckled.

"The Seattle Police Department's Annual Holiday Banquet hosted by the Chief of Police," I explained.

"So if it's a banquet does that mean I don't have to be all suit and tie?" he wondered.

I scoffed.

"Absolutely not. The mayor and all the major politicians and reporters will be there. E—," I stopped myself short when I realized I had almost said Edward.

"Eh?" Jacob continued.

"Everyone will be there," I smiled.

_Nice save, Bella! _I had hoped he didn't see through my lie.

"Charlie told me the officers have to be in uniform and everything."

"How many officers are going to be there?"

"I don't know. I guess the major ones like the Captains, Lieutenants, Sergeants etc."

"Is that one guy going to be there? You know…the one I met. What was his name?" Jacob stared off into space, trying to remember.

"Edward?"

He grinned.

"Yeah! Edward!"

"Oh, I'm sure he will," I smirked.

"He's not going to bother you is he? I know you didn't like him that much."

"No, after the second time I realized he's a good guy. I think I just caught him on a particularly rough day," I lied.

Billy nodded in understanding and watched us while sipping his coffee.

"Well, you'll have to remind me. When is it?"

"December 12th, it's a Friday. We've still got two weeks."

Jacob's eyebrows rose as he nodded thoughtfully. I looked at him curiously but let it go. I wondered if I would see Edward before the banquet. I was hoping I could so I didn't have to be put into such an awkward position on Charlie's important night and with Jacob around. I also didn't think I could handle it if he publically ignored me.

Granted I didn't expect him to make much show of our knowing each other due to the sensitivity of our relationship but still. No matter what I'd know it. And what if Emmett and Rosalie were there? I began to panic, wondering how this would work out. I hated that my life had become such a tangled, complex, over-complicated mess. And it had everything to do with _him_. Yet I couldn't make myself stay away and become detached again.

A piece of me had unknowingly been given to Edward.

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There is a blog (link on profile) about this chapter. It kind of shares what my thoughts were on this chapter and what it was like to write it. I recommend reading it. It may address some things you're curious about. As always please review. Last chapter's response was spectacular by the way...thank you!!

Edward is back next. We'll get some B/E interaction back into the mix...no worries ;) A lot can happen in two weeks.

I also wrote a random one-shot if you're interested.


	17. Chapter 17

I'm going to do my best to keep this short. This chapter is dedicated to Emmy (my Emmy-bear), she's been waiting for it for what probably seems like eternity. Thanks go out to Steph for looking over this chapter for me and making sure SWATward didn't sound girlie (lol). And a special thanks to limona for mentioning Secret on last week's Temptation Podcast (the podcast itself is awesome check it out). I didn't get nominated for any awards but you MUST go and vote for all the other great stories out there. They deserve them!!

_I don't own Twilight, but Rob in a tux at the Oscars owns me ;)_

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**The Red Wheelbarrow**

so much depends  
upon

a red wheel  
barrow

glazed with rain  
water

beside the white  
chickens.

-William Carlos Williams (1923)

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"EMMETT! GET THE DOOR!"

Rosalie's shouting was as clear as day, despite the fact I was standing on Emmett's front step. He wrenched the door open with an exasperated expression on his face. It dissolved as soon as he realized it was me.

"Hey man! Thank God you're here. Rosalie's driving me crazy and I'm having trouble getting ready for tonight. You're a lifesaver," he invited me in.

Emmett closed the door behind me and we walked into the living room. I could hear Rosalie, blowing drying her hair, from upstairs. It was a big night for the two of them. Rosalie hadn't been to a formal function before with Emmett. And Emmett hadn't been Sergeant for very long.

As I passed a mirror in the hallway I checked my suit. All officers were required to be in mess dress tonight. I would have preferred to have worn a regular suit because I hated bow ties and cummerbunds but whatever. I wasn't particularly excited about tonight anyway

Bella was going to be there and I was sure as shit she was going to bring Jacob. With how my trip and Chicago had been…I was nervous. It was a feeling I could only describe as uneasy. Tonight something would happen. I was sure of it. There were far too many outstanding variables for tonight to go off without a hitch.

"Hey, Edward. Help me with this stupid bow tie," Emmett commanded while standing there in his shirt and cummerbund.

He looked like a beast in his outfit. I chuckled and nodded my head. It did the stupid bow tie for Emmett and inspected my work. We were expected to be perfection and more tonight. I heard the distinct sound of heels upstairs and figured Rosalie was almost done. The banquet started at 8 PM.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale, let's light a fire under that behind. The Lieutenant is never late," I shouted up the staircase.

Rosalie appeared at the top of the staircase. She looked absolutely stunning in her red gown even if she did have a glare set in place. I smiled widely at her and gave her my hand to grab. She took it grudgingly and walked down the staircase. Emmett was finally in his jacket and staring in awe. I wanted to laugh at the guy but I could understand why he was looking at her that way. Rose was beautiful.

"Rosie, baby, you look…_incredible_," he breathed.

"Thanks, Em," Rosalie _actually_ blushed a little and gave him a peck.

I rolled my eyes, chuckled, and made my way back to the front door. We needed to get a move on it already. Emmett and Rosalie followed me out and we piled into my Volvo. Rosalie refused to go in Emmett's car due to the lifts he had on his Jeep. I could understand her reasoning. Heels and a Jeep didn't sound like good company to me either.

Besides both of them knew the other probably wouldn't be too sober for driving tonight. I was nominated designated driver out of convenience. I started the engine and drove to the art museum where we'd be having the banquet.

"Edward, what are these things like?" Rosalie asked conversationally while I drove.

"Boring as hell and full of people wound so tight all you want to do is provoke them all night and see them snap," I laughed.

"Do you think I'm overdressed or underdressed?" she panicked.

"Rosie you look fine. Stop worrying," Emmett reassured her in a soothing voice.

"Emmett's right, Rose, you look perfect. If you get any looks tonight it'll be from officers who want to be the one taking you home or jealous women," I reassured her with a wide grin in the rearview mirror.

"Thanks, Edward," she smiled back, "is there any dancing?"

"Yeah. It's an orchestra though so don't expect to break out any pole moves tonight," I joked.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and Emmett laughed loudly.

"I'm sorry, Rosie. How about this? How about I save you a dance? You already know unless Emmett's bumping and grinding he isn't really light on his feet," I offered.

She smirked at me and nodded her head.

"Keep those hands to yourself. I don't want you copping a feel on Rosie," Emmett warned but I knew he wasn't serious.

I laughed and nodded submissively. We pulled up to the museum and met the valet attendants. I told the kid in so many words he'd loss his balls if anything happened to my Volvo and he got the picture. I think the kid knew not to mess with an officer. I stuck my hand in my left pocket and followed behind Rosalie and Emmett.

I was flying solo tonight and it made me really miss Vanessa. She was always a good friend about attending these functions with me. The artwork on the walls was rather rudimentary if you asked me—the color composition and perspective of a large majority of the pieces on the wall where so insanely out of whack— but it would be a joke to expect anything truly spectacular in this museum. It wasn't _that_ major of a museum in Seattle. Nothing like what I'd seen in Chicago or New York.

"Lieutenant!" a voice shouted.

I turned my head and saw Commander Burgess.

_Shoot me now, please._

"Commander Burgess," I grinned superficially, "long time, no see."

We shook hands and I wanted to groan when he tried to put more strength than necessary in his. It was like he knew he needed to make up for some inadequacies and thought a goddamn handshake could change that.

"I know, son. It's been too long. I haven't seen you around headquarters much."

_Can I just say how much I _hate_ it when people call me son?_

"I was in Chicago for about a week. I just came back recently. I'm working on some cases right now so I've been in the field or at other precincts," I explained.

"I know what you mean. I've been working with some smaller precincts outside of the Emerald. You wouldn't believe how low-level some of these forces are," he gave a disgusted look.

Commander Burgess' wife suddenly appeared and I wanted to groan. Like most wives in this room she behaved similarly to Caroline. These women were damn near insatiable and miserable with their husbands and lives. Very few of them truly still loved the men they'd married. I thought about this often. If I ever got married (which was a virtual impossibility) there would be no way I'd marry someone I wasn't sure I'd be crazy in love with for the rest of my life.

"Lieutenant Masen," she smiled.

"Mrs. Burgess," I nodded.

"You look so handsome tonight," she gushed.

"Thank you, ma'am. You look lovely," I forced a smile.

"Edward!" I glanced over my shoulder and saw Rosalie.

"I'm sorry, Commander, Mrs. Burgess. I need to get back to Sergeant McCarty and his date. Excuse me," I bowed out.

I practically ran over to Rosalie and Emmett, who were waiting to walk into the ballroom, and thanked them.

"That woman looked like she wanted to eat you," Rosalie giggled.

I rolled my eyes and pinched her exposed shoulder.

"Ow!" she squealed and shoved my head.

"C'mon, Rosie. We've gotta behave like adults. There are some important people here tonight," Emmett urged.

We both laughed at him and continued walking. The line was going at a snail's pace. People were schmoozing and boozing already. I knew I needed a scotch as soon as we got in and I had only been here five minutes. If I was going to continue rubbing elbows with a bunch of jerks like Commander Burgess I was going to need reinforcements…of the brown, thick, and alcoholic kind.

When we finally got inside the ballroom, I was actually thoroughly impressed by how nice it looked. There was a large wooden dance floor that was the epicenter of ballroom and numerous tables surrounding it. Rosalie and Emmett grabbed our table assignments while I waited off to the side.

Rosalie came back with a face that only brought one phrase to mind: the cat that swallowed the canary. I quirked an eyebrow at her but followed her to our table assignment. We were the first ones at our table. Emmett had stated in so many words Rosalie needed to be flanked tonight so I sat towards her right. The orchestra played a few original pieces while people got themselves situated and yammered on.

"Lieutenant!" I knew the voice anywhere.

I glanced over my shoulder and Valence was with a large majority of our team. I stood up and smiled at the guys.

"Hey, guys! Where are you sitting?" I wondered.

"We're pretty scattered," Trigger explained.

I nodded my head.

"Did you salute your commanding officers?" I asked to piss them off.

Some of my team members were older than me and didn't follow my condescending bullshit for a second. I smirked at their glares and Emmett came over. I noticed Rosalie was looking at us curiously while we stood in our group so I waved her over.

"Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Rosalie Hale—the woman who is too damn good to be wasting her time with McCarty," I laughed.

Emmett rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around Rosalie's waist.

"Hi, everyone. It's nice to meet you all. I've heard a lot about all of you," she spoke cordially.

It was habit for me to ignore conversations every once and a while and do a sweep of the room. Nothing seemed out of place until I got to the door. I noticed a tall, dark-skinned man, waiting by the ballroom entrance. I knew it was him. I knew it was Jacob.

But then it all started to happen in slow-motion after that. The people ahead of them started to move forward, their mouths were moving slowly but I knew they were probably talking a mile-a-minute. Major Lewis moved out of the way and then I saw her.

The room started to grow strangely dim; her beauty transcended everything around her. The only thing my dull vision could focus on was her face. In my foolishness I had not noticed before but she was truly spectacular. She had high cheekbones; wide brown eyes that lit up like the darkened embers on a burnt marshmallow; full and thick, pink lips; a nose that Esme would only describe as a button nose; and an elegant neck. Her hair was different tonight.

It flowed in waves that bounced and shone with each step she took. Part of it was pinned back, revealing more of her lovely face. She had a beautiful smile in place and her eyes seemed to be alight with excitement. The only thing I could think of was that she looked like an angel. She was ethereal.

I realized that this was a moment of duration. One of those moments where you looked around and then stopped. You had seen the true beauty in life. You had stopped to smell the roses and appreciate the many things of beauty in this world.

Time ceased to exist in those moments and you were just a small part of this huge world. Time had no bearing. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years had no bearing. None of it mattered. Just seeing that snapshot of beauty was the only thing that was important. I had finally seen beauty. Her name was Bella and no name for a woman could ever be more fitting.

My heart swelled and constricted at the same time. My body was on fire and every cell in my body was responding to her otherworldliness. There was an inexplicable tugging sensation I felt in my stomach. I felt it low and deep in my soul. My arrogance had always made me ignore that I felt this way every time I saw her. I wouldn't allow myself to register it.

I thought my hand was going to reach out and grab her. She looked so close but I knew she was far away.

And in that moment I knew.

I knew I loved her.

My cold heart grew warm each time I looked at her and I knew. She was the only one who made me feel this way and touched my heart. Her grace, her love, her beauty, her humility…I loved it all. I wanted so badly to rush up to her and make her see how much I loved her. I wanted to make her understand that my heart now belonged to her. It would be only for her _forever_. I was trembling with my epiphany.

A small part of my conscience was the only thing that was keeping me away, reminding me I could never have her or love her the way I desperately wanted to now. I could not remember what that reason was and then it hit me like a brick wall. The dimness evaporated as Jacob leaned down to her ear and said something.

The blush that revealed her innocence and bashfulness appeared. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth beneath my fingertips and stroke her cheek. A sense of anger, frustration, jealousy, and hopelessness possessed me. I would _never_ have her. She was in love with someone else. The two facts crashed into one another like two cars racing towards each other at alarming speeds.

"Lieutenant?" someone asked from in front of me.

I reluctantly broke my gaze and looked at Officer O'Connor.

"Are you okay? You look like you either want to be really angry or cry because someone stole your Volvo," he laughed uneasily.

My lips parted to respond but I looked back at the door. She was gone. I craned my neck and saw Jacob by the table with the place cards. I looked back at O'Connor and he was looking at me as though I was going crazy. I probably was. I nodded but could not remember what his question was. I turned away abruptly and sat back down at my table.

I knew I was probably behaving strangely but I didn't know what to do. The last time I'd seen her….

I could kill myself now for treating her so poorly. She deserved nothing short of perfection, which was why I wouldn't create problems tonight. For as much as I loved her, I knew I would never be good enough for her. I hated Jacob Black for being that one that she loved but I knew he was better for her. He was mentally stable, loving from what I knew, and _not_ a police officer.

Her father would have an aneurysm if he knew I had any intentions that surpassed platonic. Charlie was a smart enough man to recognize a police officer didn't make a good husband. We were dangerous. _I_ was dangerous. I faced more challenges and danger than even the average officer. I put my head in my hands and fought back tears of frustration. I was with my superior officers tonight and my subordinates. I needed to be strong.

"Edward?" Rosalie called softly from my left.

I felt her hand on my back as she rubbed my shoulder blade soothingly. My jaw locked and unhinged numerous times as I attempted to swallow my overwhelming emotions away. I removed my face from my hands and stared at the stage in the front of the ballroom. Keeping it together was becoming harder and harder. My heart was screaming at me to tell her I loved her more than words could express but my conscience reminded me to consider her first.

"Emmett?"

The hairs on the back of my neck rose. Her voice was surprisingly timid and anxious. My fingers shook minutely but it was enough for Rosalie to notice. I glanced at Rosalie and her eyes questioned me silently while Emmett turned around to respond to Bella's outcall.

"Iz?" I could hear a grin in Emmett's voice.

"Hi, Emmett. This is my boyfriend Jacob. Um…apparently we're sitting with you guys tonight," she giggled nervously.

Emmett stood up but Rosalie continued looking at me. I didn't lose eye-contact with Rosalie until Emmett tapped her shoulder. She threw her napkin down bitterly and stood up sharply. I ran a hand through my hair and ignored the conversation behind me.

She was going to sit with us. With him. In front of me. Two objects moved out of the corner of my eye and Bella and Jacob moved past me. Bella took the seat across from me, while Jacob sat next to her.

"Oh, wow. I didn't recognize you Lieutenant. Nice to see you," he reached across the table to shake my hand.

I didn't shake his. I stared at him blankly. I couldn't move. Rosalie elbowed me in the ribcage and instead of jumping up to shake his hand, I looked at Bella. Her lips were slightly parted and her deep brown eyes were wide. She looked like she was in agony. I wanted to jump across the table, and press my lips to her own, and tell her everything would be okay but it wouldn't.

Things would never be the same again. Tonight would mark the night of a truly new pathetic existence. I felt so hollow and full at the same time. Jacob pulled back his hand and cleared his throat awkwardly. Rosalie engaged him in conversation to ease the tension.

I tuned out their incessant chatter while the music that played in the background took on a dream-like essence. The notes were echoed and slowed. I got that nauseous feeling again and the room felt like it was spinning. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and finger, and tried to steady my breathing.

The waiters came around to take our orders. The polite man asked me my preference and I barked my request at him. He jumped a bit and moved onto Jacob. I closed my eyes out of frustration and wished that the other couple who was supposed to sit with us would show up. It was just _too_ perfect that the five of us were at this table. I gripped my napkin almost violently underneath the table to relieve my anxiety and stress, but nothing was helping.

I opened my eyes and Jacob was talking to Rosalie and Emmett. I noticed he was dressed in a black suit and tie. I was jealous of him. For so many reasons that stretched beyond the simple fact he was wearing a much more comfortable, basic suit and tie. It bothered me that I was so jealous of him. I made it a point in life to have others be jealous of me. I clenched my jaw, un-amused by my childishness, and looked at Bella.

She was staring at me. She looked completely unnerved by my peculiar behavior. She would never know it was because I had finally realized I was madly in love with her. Bella shifted her eyes to her lap and her hair fell from her shoulders like a curtain.

If I was Jacob Black, I would have brushed it away, tilted her chin, looked her in the eyes, and told her I loved her. But I wasn't Jacob Black. I was Edward Masen. I'd never hated myself more than at that particular second. I finally listened in on the conversation and realized what they were discussing.

"Did you guys notice the artwork outside? I thought it was pretty impressive," Jacob's eyes grew wide with enthusiasm.

Two things happened simultaneously. I snorted and everyone looked at me. I caught myself and my expression involuntarily grew nervous. Bella looked at me and it was as though she was trying to study me. She was trying to figure out why I was becoming such a lunatic. I opened my mouth to explain but no words formed.

"Did you not like the artwork, Lieutenant?" Jacob asked warily.

I finally found my voice but it wasn't as collected as I usually sounded.

"I thought it was rather mediocre at best," I sighed.

"Really?" Jacob raised his eyebrows.

"Yes. Really."

"Why is that?" he wondered.

"No offense, Mr. Black, but are you sure we saw the same gallery? The balance in at least 45% of those paintings was off. The proportions were atrocious. One of the painters used oil when another medium should have been used. And the emphasis of subject in the featured piece was so uneven that it took me at least four minutes to figure it out," I explained curtly.

Jacob looked at me blankly. Luckily, the waiter brought our food and silence overtook the table once again. I didn't touch my meal despite the fact I was hungry. My appetite in front of Bella and Jacob was lost. She ordered him to eat his salad while he grumbled about his steak being overcooked. I half-considered stabbing myself with a steak knife, just so I could feel something and lose this sense of displacement.

"Edward? I have to step outside. Will you come with me?" Rosalie pleaded.

I looked at Emmett but he made no move to disagree. I sighed heavily, threw down my napkin, and escorted Rosalie out of the ballroom. We walked to the front of the art museum and stood on the wide steps. They were similar but not as grandeur as the ones at the Museum of Natural History in New York City. I leaned my head against a column while Rosalie stood on the step below me. I looked to the sky and exhaled sharply. A gust of wind blew out and I closed my eyes.

"Edward? What's wrong? What happened? You were so fine earlier…in the car and…."

I looked over Rosalie's head and noticed the street was slick with water. It must have rained while we were inside. Cars passed by noisily and I trained my eyes on the white, yellow, and red lights of their bodies.

"Edward, look at me and tell me what's wrong," Rosalie ordered.

I looked at her and lost it.

"I'm in love with her," I mumbled pathetically and sat down on the step dejectedly.

"In love with who?" she wondered softly and kneeled down to see me better.

"Bella," I whispered to her.

"Isabella?"

I looked at Rosalie with helpless eyes.

"Yes."

Her own eyes widened in response and she stood up abruptly.

"Edward…," she gasped.

I shook my head and put it between my knees. Rosalie must have kneeled again because her hands were rubbing my back soothingly.

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry. No wonder you're dying in there. How long has it been?"

I looked at her.

"Rose, I've been in love with her for months but I finally knew tonight. I knew I loved her from the second I saw her. I love everything about her. I even love all her faults. They're perfect to me. I don't know what happened but I just…I fell for her."

I was having a serious case of word-vomit. I couldn't believe I'd just admitted this all to Rosalie.

"You've never been in love before, have you?" Rosalie guessed.

I nodded my head.

"God, Edward…you sure do know how to pick 'em," she giggled.

I smiled weakly and rested my head on her bare shoulder. Rosalie wrapped her arms around me and put her head on top of mine.

"I wish I could say it'll all work out but I don't know, Edward. This is complicated…this thing with you and her. They're so many variables and issues. She seems so happy with…," her voice trailed off.

I wanted to sob but I'd save it for tonight when I was alone. I was always alone. It was so symbolic that I was alone. I was resigned to the fact that I knew this would be my destiny. Bella inspired my change but I'd never be able to show her the man I could be. I could never be that for her. It wasn't in the cards for us. After a long moment, Rosalie and I got up and walked back into the ballroom.

Richard Hirsch was preparing the audience for Charlie to make his speech. We took our seats silently while I looked at Bella. The profile of her face was faced towards me as she twisted in her seat to listen to the speeches. Jacob had a hand on her back and his thumb rubbed her skin affectionately. It made my blood boil. I looked back at Bella's face and noticed how long her lashes were.

They were extraordinarily long tonight. I assumed she was wearing make-up but it was still different. Her lips were slightly pursed and her chest moved outward and inward with each breath she took. I realized Charlie was about to speak when she smiled widely—the first genuine smile since she sat down tonight—and stood up to start clapping.

I felt like a sheep. I followed everyone else's lead but my mind wasn't really here. My body was on auto-pilot while I slowly drifted towards insanity. Charlie cleared his throat and stepped up to the podium. Everyone sat down while he began.

"Good evening everyone! I'd like to thank you all for coming….Tonight's banquet is a celebration of this police department and an opportunity to give to our charitable organizations. This year has been a tremendous year for this department with major developments in some of the biggest cases Seattle has ever seen. I'd like to thank all the employees and officers of the department that make it one of the most respected law enforcement agencies in the world. Everyone from the janitorial staff to the commanding officers of our special operations and teams make this department what it is. There is nothing more important than for the people of a city to feel safe and protected. Each day these brave men and women make that possible. Without their hard work and dedication to the Seattle Police Department we would never live as peacefully as we do now.

"And this speech is not to belittle the violence and brutality that some families and victims endure but to remind them that their outcry is the driving force to eliminating all violence and abuse….Each year we give the banquet donation to a specific organization and this year is no different. This year we are donating $70,000 to the Seattle Police Department's Battered Women and Children Shelter. The shelter harbors thousands of women and children each year and gives these victims of violence and abuse an outlet to a new life. We would like to honor their commitment to improving the lives of these victims by donating this money to the shelter. I would like for the director of the facility, Mrs. Teresa Bell, to please come and collect this check," Charlie ended with a motion for her to come over.

The white-haired woman stepped forward and gave Charlie a hug. He returned it gratefully and handed her the check. I chanced a look at Bella and she was grinning. My heart softened as I realized she was probably immensely proud of her father. I felt so guilty for using that against her now. I'd probably made her feel so terrible for being related to him when I treated her the way I had.

After about 20 minutes more of talking, people began to stand up and mingle. Emmett and Rosalie went to dance and I was left alone with Jacob and Bella. I couldn't take the awkwardness so I stood up and stalked away from the table. I found a darkened, quiet hallway and sat down on an uncomfortable bench. I held my head in my hands and tried to use the bottom of my palm to rub the aggravation away.

"Edward?" her voice was tiny.

I looked up immediately and Bella was standing there. I hadn't noticed but she was wearing a knee-length, back dress. It was simple but she looked stunning. She was wearing black flats and I smiled at them. I trailed my eyes up her form until I met her own.

"You look beautiful," I whispered.

She swallowed and looked down self-consciously.

"I am _so_ sorry," she whispered back after a beat of silence.

"Sorry for what?" I wondered.

"For lying to you."

"Oh, Bella…"

Her face snapped up to mine as I uttered her name. It was the first time I had called her by her preferred name and meant it. It wasn't as if it were some curse.

"Bella, you have nothing to be sorry for. It was my fault. I overreacted. I probably worried you. I didn't mean to. I was just…stupid," I sighed.

Bella walked forward and sat next to me on the bench. There was still a reasonable amount of space between us. I sighed.

"Isn't Jacob wondering where you are?"

She smiled lightly.

"No. I can't dance. Rosalie offered so he's out there with her. Jacob loves to dance. Actually Emmett laughed at me for not knowing how to dance," she smirked.

"Emmett's covering?" I guessed.

"I guess…" she shrugged, "what's wrong with you tonight?" she wondered timidly.

I tensed and debated on how I should answer this.

"I just…a lot has happened to me tonight. I wouldn't even be able to begin to explain."

She nodded thoughtfully and didn't press me. I loved her. All over again.

"Jacob still doesn't know about us," she whispered.

The way she said that sounded too desirable. I was twisting it in my mind to make it sound like something it wasn't. There was nothing between us. We were working together. Nothing more than that. Ever.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"I'll kill you if you ever leave like that again," she half-snorted and laughed.

I smiled a small smile. I couldn't do any big ones tonight. I was so out of it. Even being here with her, I couldn't do it.

"I promise I won't. Not ever again," I swore.

Her hand covered mine and she squeezed it tightly.

"I'm sorry I didn't call. I was just afraid you might hate me still. I was still afraid even just now," she confessed.

"Bella, I could have called too. I didn't. It was cowardly and silly but still…I didn't. Stop apologizing. You've done nothing wrong," I insisted.

"But I did! I should have told you!" she argued.

"It's in the past. Let's just move on and forget it. Please?" I looked her fully in the eye.

She nodded meekly and ducked her head.

"You look really nice tonight too," she mumbled.

I was almost sure I had missed her saying that. I actually smiled widely. I tilted her chin up and made her look at me.

"Hey, we're not doing the sad thing. It's your father's big night and it's unbefitting to have a sad face on. Besides you're a woman…don't you guys freak out over frown lines and stuff?" I joked.

She smiled bigger this time and rolled her eyes. I removed my hand and looked at the artwork on the walls. It was still nonsense.

"Do you really agree with Jacob about that artwork?" I asked.

She paused before answering.

"I _hate_ art," she smiled.

I chuckled and tilted my head back.

"Don't you ever wish things could be easier sometimes?" I inquired.

I didn't really expect a response since I was mostly thinking out loud but her response shocked me.

"Yes," she seemed to choke out.

I let it go because she had let it go for me earlier. I nodded and stood up. I gave my hand to her and she took it and stood up. I held her hand firmly in mine because I knew this would be the closest we'd ever be. It would feel so natural for me to look over at her and say 'I love you' but the concept was so foreign. It would sit so alien between us. I let go of her hand as we approached the ballroom and grabbed a scotch from a waiter's tray. I downed it quickly and gave it back to him. Bella looked at me with wide eyes and I shrugged.

"So do you think maybe we can meet this weekend? I've got some things I need to te—"

"Edward, I can't," she interrupted.

I looked at her.

"Why not?"

"Jacob and I are leaving tonight. He made plans for us this weekend. We're going somewhere. I don't know where. It's a surprise or something," she shifted awkwardly and spoke to her feet.

"Oh…"

"I'm sorry. I promise on Monday I'll call you right away. We really do need to talk," she tried to ease the situation.

"No, it's fine."

I craned my head to see if Rosalie and Emmett were sitting with Jacob. The three of them were sitting and seemed to be waiting for something so I sighed.

"Bella why don't you go wait outside? I don't want to set Jacob off. I'm going to grab Rosalie and Emmett. I have to drive them home and I need to leave. If you see Charlie, tell him I said he was great."

I walked away from her and made my way to the table. Jacob looked at me and his eyes were immediately suspicious.

"Where's Iz?" Emmett asked with a buzz-induced smile on his face.

"I don't know. I haven't seen her," I lied perfectly.

Jacob stood up abruptly.

"I better go find her. She has a knack for getting into trouble," he explained and stalked through the crowd.

"Listen, guys…I don't want to be a kill-joy but I'd really like to go. Do you mind heading home?"

They shook their heads and followed me out. The drive to their house was quicker than on the way to the banquet and I was thankful. I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of this uniform, lie in bed, and slowly rot between the sheets. And I did exactly that. I crouched underneath my bed sheets and closed my eyes.

I was exhausted but the thought of Bella going away with Jacob somewhere for the weekend was eating me alive. I knew this was what she deserved—a man who would treat her right and love her every single day for the rest of his life—but I couldn't shake the jealousy and disgust I felt at the thoughts of them being alone together. I thought of the way she looked tonight.

I'd never seen anything so breathtakingly beautiful in my life. I thought of the fact I loved her. I loved her in every way possible. And yet we'd never be together. The reasons of why we were working together in the first place reminded me of that. I turned over bitterly and put a pillow over my head. Maybe I'd be lucky and the breathing, the living, would just stop.

* * *

Chapter Songs: When I Fall In Love by Nat King Cole; I Can't Help Falling In Love With You by Elvis Presley; Brighter Than Sunshine by Aqualung

(I'm sure you know why these had to come at the end. I didn't want to ruin the surprise before you even read it.)

There's a blog. It's a must-read. It regards some things with FF and this chapter. Seriously this chapter is one where you should read the blog. I would actually prefer you read it before you review. The link is on my profile.

OH and _please_ review (although you guys are always great)! This chapter more than any of the others is important.


	18. Chapter 18

Sorry, everyone! I was really busy with school this past week. I've got midterms this week and spring break next week so the professors are laying it on thick.

I'd like to thank Emmy for last Sunday's Perv Pack shout-out. Due to this we made it past 700 reviews and last chapter ended up being the most reviewed chapter on the entire story - some number over 60 - which is downright incredible. Welcome to all the new readers! This chapter we bring back Bella's articles and spend a day in the life of Lieutenant, best friend, heartbroken Edward Masen.

Chapter Song: Get Up by 50 Cent (Strange choice...I know. It's relative to a specific part of the chapter and set a nice tone for writing)

_I don't own Twilight but have you seen Rob's newly groomed Edward Cullen look they started him with for pre-production? nice stuff ;)_

* * *

My stomach felt like a bottomless pit. It was Sunday now and I was embarrassingly giddy to see Bella's article. I knew it wouldn't be anything special but I just wanted to have that momentary connection with her. It was absurd but it made me feel like she wasn't so far away.

**S.P.D. Holds Annual Holiday Banquet: All Hail the Chief?**

_Hmm. She must have done her write-up right before she left with Jacob for the weekend._

The Seattle Police Department hosted its annual Holiday Banquet hosted by the Chief of Police this past Friday. A gaggle of police and city officials rubbed elbows on Friday night to the melodies of the Seattle Conservatory of Arts and Music's Symphony. The banquet was held at the Holder Museum of Folk Art in the heart of the city.

Most notably, the mayor gave a surprisingly eloquent speech and the Chief donated, on behalf of the department, $70,000 to their Battered Women and Children Shelter. The generous check was accepted by the director herself—Teresa Bell— and this is what she had to say, "Those of us at the shelter are honored and thrilled to be given such a charitable gift. During the holidays we receive many victims who are often displaced and unsure of where to go in the stark wintery conditions. This gift will only help to better equip ourselves for those conditions." Kudos go to the department for their philanthropic endeavors, but one can only be curious about who donated when the names of the benefactors were unceremoniously removed from the program this year. In years prior, the benefactors have always been listed on numerous pages towards the back of the program. Imagine _my_ surprise when the program itself seemed a bit thinner.

_Wow, I hadn't even noticed that._

I spoke to the Chief of Police directly and inquired about the change. The Chief explained that the Committee of Public Relations thought it best to conserve paper and make more of an effort to cut costs in our dwindling economy. In short, the department is making more of an attempt to "Go Green." Though a noble consideration, one would ask oneself: why not list the benefactors on the department's website? Unfortunately, the Chief had no explanation—which is why I now wonder about whom this year's benefactors were. Seventy-thousand dollars is no easy sum of money to come up with. Why this year of all years would the department choose not to disclose the names? If it were a matter of personal privacy, the vote on which that decision was made should have been revealed. No such facts have come about. Stay tuned for further details on this mystery.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to grimace or not at the end of that article. She was publically criticizing her father in a roundabout way. As a member of the department I knew better than to think Charlie had _anything_ to do with such a small detail. He was too busy to concern himself with whether or not benefactors were listed in a stupid program. I had a suspicion someone like Richard Hirsch knew more about that than Charlie _ever_ did.

Still, just _reading_ the article made me smile at points. I could picture her at a computer desk, smirking, and being a complete shrew while typing up this witty feature.

Even still, I loved that silly, beautiful, obnoxious, little shrew with all my damn heart. I was in _physical pain_, knowing that she was away with Jacob this weekend. They were probably just waking up, in bed, not wanting to go back to real life.

And here I was. In my lonely apartment, clutching onto a piece of paper like it could even _compare_ to the real thing. I smoothed out the wrinkles in the paper, where I'd gripped it too tightly, and stared at it wistfully. I was resigned to the fact that her articles and our sporadic meetings would be the closest I'd ever be to her.

I was suddenly grateful for the fact I had my first appointment with my therapist this week. I had just added a huge burden to the laundry list of baggage I carried around. I wasn't sure how productive my first session would be but I was hoping that at least talking to someone about it could help.

I was quite sure Rosalie had told Emmett about my revelation on Friday night but for some reason I just couldn't talk to him about it yet. Rosalie had even called a couple times this weekend to make sure I hadn't jumped from my living room window. She was un-amused when I told her it was a tempting thought.

I considered calling Jasper too but I wasn't quite sure that was a good idea just yet. The way that conversation played out in my head was anything but appealing.

"_Hey, Jasper! Guess what? That girl that I moaned and groaned about for a few months, the one who is seriously dating a class-A perfect boyfriend, is the newly realized love of my life. Fun shit, huh?"_

Yeah. Never going to happen.

I growled at nothing and stepped away from the dining room table. I decided to go to the gym to clear my head and keep myself distracted for a while. I got dressed quickly and left. The gym was unsurprisingly bare which made me immensely happy. The last thing I needed today was to be hit on by some cosmetically enhanced downgrade of Bella.

I slipped my iPod headphones in my ears and started the treadmill. I figured I'd jog today and skip the weights. I adjusted my settings and took off. It had become a cliché but running really did distract me. Other instances when it allowed me time to think; today it just brought me a welcomed distraction.

Of course little fantasies like Bella walking into the gym were unavoidable but for the most part I concentrated on the music and why I was running in the first place. I wanted to be fit. I needed to stay at the top of my game to be promoted to Captain one day.

As comfortable as I'd gotten with Lieutenant Masen, nothing sounded more appealing in the few next years—other than Bella telling me she loved me or something—than to be called Captain Masen. I wouldn't head my beloved S.W.A.T. unit anymore. I would supervise them, along with the bomb squad, the forensics units, other detectives, etc. Many men shied away from that responsibility. I didn't. And that's why I was where I was today.

Sooner than I would have liked my hour of jogging was up. I walked during the cool down and watched the other gym patrons. I noticed a big guy. He wasn't burly, but he was definitely bulky where it counted. He was lifting weights and watching himself in the mirror. What struck me about him was his face. There was a vague resemblance of someone I couldn't quite place.

His hair was jet black but cut close to his head. It was almost like a military buzz cut. I got curious and stepped off the treadmill. I wiped the machine down and found myself walking past the mysterious man. His eyes were a curious blue that stuck out to me.

His expression was hard. It wasn't in response to his exertion. That much I could tell. He just had a mean face. I continued walking and left the gym. I doubted I would ever see the man again but I knew he'd stick with me.

* * *

"No! That'll never work. He may be a fucking douche bag but there's no way he's dense enough to fall for that," I argued back.

Trigger, Emmett, and a few other officers and I were putting together an op to catch Peter Herman. It needed to be foolproof and it couldn't have any loopholes in it. If Herman found one way to weasel out of divulging every bit of information he had on Fiori we'd be screwed. Against the wall and hard.

"How about this? A few of the undercover officers that have been following him for the last few weeks say that he goes to this bar pretty often. It's called Black Rum. Now the bar, for exclusive patrons, is known to be a good hangout spot for high-end call girls. As much as I would love to catch a call-girl in the act and set her straight, I'd much rather catch Herman for paying the chick," Will—a highly recommended undercover operation strategist—suggested.

I pursed my lips.

"I don't know. Just because he hangs out there doesn't mean he's actually hooking up with any prostitutes. The last time he did anything along those lines—that we know of—was in college and that nearly cost him the election when people found out. It's a risk, thinking that he still does that sort of stuff," I tapped my fingers against the wooden table we sat at.

"But what if we get someone truly spectacular? Someone he'd never be able to resist. We could nail him on his first time since the good ole days. That'd be twice the fun," Emmett grinned.

I smiled back involuntarily.

"Be serious, Emmett," I ordered half-heartedly, "how about you, Trigger? You're supposed to be the smart one in this bunch. What ideas have you got?"

"The embezzling idea is promising, especially with this new information about the benefactors at last week's banquet being withheld, but we're never gonna get our hands on the list to even _start_ forming a phony accusation. I think our best bet is to go with something simple but something that carries possible jail time. He can't be caught for something where most people get fines like a simple possession charge. He'll call us on our bullshit and take the fine and embarrassment before endangering his life by spilling to us.

"We need something that would ruin his entire livelihood if people found out. The embezzling would be gold but there are just too many little details that go into those ops. In my opinion the prostitute idea sounds best, especially if we can add in some tempting drugs. It can't be at Black Rum though. If the fact, _we_ know it's a stomping ground for call girls is any implication, Herman will never risk it there. The 'crime' has to take place at a hotel or something."

I nodded in agreement. Black Rum was obviously known for its call girls. With a reputation like Herman had, he'd never be stupid enough to risk it and do that shit _there_. I wasn't sure how but we needed to have him propositioned by an undercover and get him to an environment where we

A. wouldn't draw attention to the other crimes going on and then make the paper, because if that happened Fiori would shut Herman up before we even got to him,

B. could put in reliable surveillance and get video, if not audio, evidence, and

C. make Herman's arrest and interrogation quiet.

I leaned forward and turned pensive.

"That's good. Teri has already given us more information than necessary about his first prostitution bust. A second infraction would destroy him in the public eye. He'd never be able to live in Seattle again…."

I trailed off. I considered how this plan would pan out. If things went off without a hitch, it'd be a stroke of genius. Everything was at a new state of sensitivity. If we were ever going to use Peter Herman as a pawn, now was the time to capitalize on it.

"Okay, this is how it's gotta happen. He's has to be propositioned by one of the undercover girls. If I'm not mistaken, he does cocaine pretty regularly too. That's why he's buddy-buddy with Fiori. Make that a part of the deal if necessary. I don't give a _fuck_ what it takes to lure him in. The operation has to silent and the bust has to be even _more_ silent. If the press gets word of this we'll be fucked against the wall before we even get to it. Fiori has got to believe that Herman hasn't had any interaction with the department. If he suspects for one second that Herman even told us his dog's name then Herman will be at the bottom of The Harbor. That's the last thing we want happening. We need information, not a dead politician."

The men around the table nodded thoughtfully and jotted notes down.

"Trigger, I want you and Emmett to come up with a proposal for the bust. We want a Silent Night kind of effect," I turned and looked at the members of the undercover operations, "you guys will set up the framework for the plan. Captain Oliveros is going to approve any and all operations so make sure it's nothing short of perfection. The D.A. won't give us the go-ahead if there are any loose ends. Get together a list of undercover officers for me and I'll talk to Oliveros about which girl we pick. She's got to be perfect so make sure her file is in there too. We'll also need a list of proposed locations so get to work on that ASAP. I'll talk to the guys in surveillance and let them in on what's happening. As soon as we pick the location we'll start setting up surveillance. I want Herman in my hand by January."

They all stared at me for a moment before I dismissed them. I was feeling confident about the plan but there were a lot of variables to even out before I could really believe this was going to work. It was a dangerous mission that threatened the lives of everyone involved. Peter Herman would be the first casualty but that didn't mean Fiori would be satisfied with his death alone.

If we had enough incriminating evidence, we'd all be at the top of Fiori's hit list. I left the conference room and retreated to my office to call some of the men in surveillance. I slipped on my reading glasses and sorted through some references. I was just about to dial a number when a knock resounded on my door.

"Come in," I called out curiously.

Emmett opened the door with a wide grin on his face, he pushed the door forward, and I was shocked by who followed in after.

The wind was literally knocked out of me as Bella walked in timidly. Her face was flushed and it seemed to be from blushing. She was positively exquisite. I smiled widely just at the sight of her. She smiled back sheepishly and looked at the floor shamefully. I was so interested in why she was so bashful all of a sudden.

"Hey," my voice broke.

I cleared it embarrassingly and glanced at Emmett. He was biting his lip to keep from laughing. I glared at him for a second before looking back at Bella.

"Hi," she replied quietly.

"Well, I'm just going to leave you two to your business," Emmett winked conspicuously.

I was dying from humiliation. Here I was in front of the girl I loved, behaving like a bumbling idiot, and Emmett was only making matters worse for his own personal enjoyment. _Asshole_, I thought sourly. He shut the door behind him while Bella took a seat.

"Hi," I said again lamely, once we were in the deep silence of my office and the overwhelming volume of my emotions.

"Hi," she giggled.

That giggle made my throat close up.

"How are you?" I wondered.

"I'm well," Bella shrugged and her eyebrows came together curiously.

She seemed confused or frustrated about something. I wanted to crawl over my desk and wrap my arms around her. She was too beautiful, too perfect, to ever be upset about anything. Whatever was bothering her, I'd bear the burden gladly. Whatever it took to smooth that adorably perplexing wrinkle between her eyebrows away, I would do it.

"You don't seem well," I observed.

"I saw Charlie before I came to you," she admitted.

"Oh…"

"He's not too happy about the article," she paused and stared at the floor before continuing again, "I just…I didn't _mean_ for it to seem critical of him in particular. I was just a little disappointed in him for not doing more to find out why the benefactors weren't disclosed."

"Bella," I began.

Bella looked at me abruptly and her eyes held a certain amount of anguish in them. There was some unknown reason behind it that I knew was unrelated to her dilemma concerning her father.

"I think you underestimate how busy your father truly is. I can understand your suspicions about the benefactors but you have to realize Charlie's far too busy to argue with the committee and worry about a list of benefactors. If you have anyone to be suspicious of in this case, it's Richard Hirsch. He'd know more about why the names were withheld than your father would."

She closed her eyes and looked pained.

"I know," she choked out, "I feel _horrible_ for the way I made him seem in the article. It's just…_God_, I can't even explain this right!"

Her frustration pained me more than any of the pain I endured this weekend. It all paled in comparison to her anger. I recognized self-loathing in her at that moment and that was the last thing I ever wished for her. She was far too close to perfection to ever blame herself for a small mistake.

"It's okay; you don't owe me any explanation. I know how much you love him. You would never do that intentionally," I reassured her.

I reached across my desk and grabbed her hand from her lap. I pulled it across the desk when I felt something cool graze my palm. Bella's eyes widened in response and her hand froze in midair.

I pulled my hand away slowly while my heart was ripped away abruptly. My index finger was the last part of my body to touch the white diamond, sitting on the ring finger of her left hand. I blanched at the material representation of her eternal devotion to Jacob Black, while my hand trembled on my lap.

"Edward…I…"

"You're _engaged_?" I whispered and looked at her with unmasked agony.

Her body tensed at my spoken words and her eyebrows frowned at the ring.

"Yes," she whispered back.

My stomach literally fell out from beneath me and I swallowed. It felt as though someone had taken my heart, placed it on the desk between us, and stabbed it numerous times. She was engaged—engaged to Jacob Black. Set to be married to a man that was so much better than me but I knew no matter what could never love Bella as much as I did. I blinked numerous times to fight back traitorous tears.

I let out a shaky breath and unwillingly looked at the ring again. It was impressive. It was a heart-shaped diamond, nestled between two smaller diamonds. I couldn't really see it as something Bella would pick out on her own but there was no denying the fact it was still lovely on her delicate hand. If only it were _my_ ring on her finger. It was something that would never come to pass. Jacob's ring was there.

"It happened this weekend and I…I wasn't going to wear it. I'm not used to it yet…but Jacob brought me here… I didn't want to offend him. I just…," Bella stumbled through her words nervously.

I cut her off before she could kill me further. There was only so much one man could take.

"Like I said there's no need to explain, Bella. He's you boyfriend, or should I say fiancé? It was bound to happen eventually. Congratulations," I spoke in a flat voice, devoid of expression.

I turned to my computer even though I didn't have anything in particular to do on it. I just couldn't look at her. She was breaking my heart. She was breaking my heart and stomping on it. It wasn't intentional but it was still excruciating.

"Edward," she whispered.

I didn't look at her right away. The tone in her voice gave her away. She knew this was eating me alive. She wanted to know how much. I decided I'd give her stoic. There was no reason for me to make her feel guilty for accepting the proposal of a man, who loved her dearly, and I _knew_ would want to spend the rest of his life with her.

I'd met Bella at the wrong time in my life. Or maybe it was the right one. Who knew? I swallowed and turned to face her. She seemed hurt and shocked by my cold expression.

"Maybe we should see each another time. I've got work to do," I suggested.

Her lips parted to argue but she didn't. She knew today's meeting wouldn't be the same. I couldn't look at her and not think about that ring. That ring that shattered any errant hope I had. The hope that one day I could inspire those feelings in her for me.

"Just so you know we're setting up Peter Herman….I guess I'll have more details the next time I see you…"

Bella nodded and looked at the ring in her lap. I decided this was it. This was the last chance I had at making her see I'd never begrudge her happiness. It would kill me but I would never want anything less than flawlessness and joy for her life. She was too special to me, I loved her too much, to ever see her unhappy or discontented.

"I know my…reaction was surprising but I was just a little shocked. Tell Jacob I said congratulations," I forced the words out with every breath.

Saying his name was enough to destroy me on the spot. Bella's shoulders hunched slightly and she looked up at me. She seemed disappointed in something.

"Thanks, Edward. I really appreciate that," she replied with sad eyes.

Bella stood up and walked over to my door. She glanced over her shoulder at me and seemed as though she wanted to say something. Her eyebrows furrowed together again before she shook her head and stepped outside, leaving me to reclaim the pieces of my broken heart. I took my glasses off and rubbed my eyes.

Why was this happening to me? Had I really been that terrible of a person my entire life that Karma needed to start _now_ to make up for it? Did that mean my life only had a few more years to go? I'd actually welcome death freely now.

It was better than living this half-life, loving someone who I would never be with. Women like Bella didn't fall in love with men like me. It was being a liar to not recognize that. Even in the simplest terms she was journalist…I was an officer. It would never work.

I inhaled deeply and was overwhelmed by the scent she left in her wake. The Chapstick I'd missed these last few weeks and fresh smell she always seemed to have was potent. I exhaled sharply and put my head on my desk. I was obsessed beyond reason but I knew very little about the way I felt for Bella included reason. I decided it'd be the healthiest thing for me now to ignore these feelings.

If I was cold and behaved more typically around Bella there'd be no suspicion. So I distracted myself with work. Distraction, aloofness, they were the keys to the success of this new plan. I wouldn't be purposely callous to Bella or mean-spirited but I would certainly do a better job of keeping a distance between us.

I called the guys in surveillance. Certainly focusing on more important things in life would keep me from dwelling on my simpleton drama. I left the office late. At around eight-thirty, I grabbed the elevator and waited for the cab to arrive. The sudden ding startled me. I was staring at a piece of stained carpeting.

I looked up and Charlie was alone in the elevator. He smiled at seeing me and gestured for me to come in. I walked in and stood across the elevator from him. Seeing him reminded me of Bella, I didn't need any more reminders. I was doing my best to move the memory of her engagement from my head as much as possible already.

But being in the elevator with him perpetuated my pain. I knew there was tension between them because of her article, but I was quite sure he was thrilled about his daughter's engagement. From that one interaction I'd seen Charlie and Jacob have months back, he loved Jacob like he was his own son.

"Nice to see you Lieutenant. Busy working on the Peter Herman case?" he guessed and grinned at me.

I nodded and worked out the muscles in my jaw. The silence was uncomfortable but I couldn't bring myself to speak.

"So I understand Bella came to see you," he added conversationally.

I was surprised at how easily he spoke of her. When I was mad at someone it usually took more effort to seem composed. Charlie seemed downright unbothered by the article at this point.

"Yeah, she did. She's engaged…"

My tone gave little concealment to my shock and confusion.

"I would say I was surprised too but I'm not. Jacob came to me last week and asked me. I'm still not really sure why he bothered. It's not like I would have opposed," Charlie chuckled and shook his head.

I managed a poorly done smile but I was in such utter despair that I hardly cared. To know that Charlie had known this was coming bothered me so much for some reason. I couldn't believe I expected anyone to warn me about her engagement. I was _no one_ to Bella—just a coworker, a sometimes friend. It was illogical.

"I appreciated the gesture though. He's such a great kid. Bella's never had one complaint. I couldn't have picked out a better guy for her myself. I mean…I see _so_ many men on a regular basis. It's truly horrifying how some of these men are nowadays. I think about their wives, fiancées, girlfriends sometimes….It's downright awful," he looked at the floor with frustration and disappointment.

"I know what you mean," I responded with a deep melancholy.

My first impression with Bella was destroyed. I would never blame her for not loving me the same way I did her. It would make sense for her not to believe I'd really changed as a person. I blew my chance before I even realized I wanted to take a shot.

Charlie sighed heavily. The rest of the elevator ride was silent. When we reached the ground floor I muttered a goodnight to Charlie while he went out the back exit. I was heading for the lobby doors when my cell phone went off. I groaned and answered it grumpily.

"Masen," I snapped.

"Edward! Edward, it's me Rosalie! You need to come quick! It's Emmett!"

The sheer panic in Rosalie's voice sent a chill up my spine. She was breathless.

"Rose, what's wrong? Where's Emmett?"

He'd the office left hours ago. I couldn't remember how much time had passed since I'd seen him but it was enough to get into trouble.

"He left! He took the Jeep! He's gone over to Wallace's club! He's going to do something bad!" she spluttered out her sentences in frantic succession.

"Whoa, whoa…back up, Rose. What about Wallace?"

"Emmett found out he was hassling me again and he lost it."

I was already jogging out of headquarters to my car. I cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder to make sure my gun was properly secured in my shoulder holster. I reached behind me, grabbed my clip, and slipped into my front jacket pocket. My blood pressure was already soaring. The mention of Wallace's name tipped off the angry and aggressive part of me.

"Rosalie, are you home?"

"Yes! Edward, what are you going to do? You need to stop Emmett! He could lose his job if he did anything stupid!"

I found my Volvo and slipped into the car hurriedly. Wallace was going to get the _shit_ beat out of him tonight, if Emmett hadn't started already. I started the engine, revved it once, and screeched out of the parking lot.

"Rose, sweetie, I need you listen to me. I'm in the car right now. I'm going to pick you up and we're going to go to Wallace's together. Emmett can put up a good fight against me. I'm going to need you there to calm him down. I'm about 6 minutes away from the house, wait for me," I instructed.

"Okay," she sniffled.

"Rose, don't cry. It'll be fine. It'll work out."

She whimpered and mumbled something incoherent.

"Alright, I need to hang up. I'm going to try Emmett. Call me if anything happens."

"Okay."

"Okay, bye."

I pressed my speed dial button and prayed for Emmett to pick up. His ringback tone played incessantly until I got his voicemail. I swore loudly and threw the phone at the passenger seat. I weaved dangerously close between lanes and made it to Emmett and Rosalie's house in record time. I hopped out the car and stalked past Rosalie.

I burst into the house and opened the hall closet. Emmett's Louisville was sitting in its usual spot. I grabbed it and ushered Rosalie to the car. I drove off like a maniac and concentrated. Getting Emmett to calm down would be difficult. I was debating ways to work this out. I glanced to the side quickly. The baseball bat was sitting next to Rosalie in the passenger seat as back-up.

"Edward?" Rosalie called my name softly.

"Hmm?" I asked without looking at her.

"Why…why do you have Emmett's baseball bat?" she asked anxiously.

I sighed.

"If I need to make myself clear—that bat will get the job done. I don't plan on using it but you never know," I responded and made a sharp right turn.

I was doing 69 mph in a 40 mph zone. I skipped out on three lights and eventually made it to Wallace's club. Luckily for me, he wasn't open tonight. I parked the car unevenly, grabbed the bat, and walked to the back parking lot. Rosalie was trailing after me. I would have told her to wait in the car but I didn't trust the area.

It was a Volvo. It drew attention.

I grabbed my clip and loaded it into my gun. I could hear Emmett banging on one of the back doors and swearing. He sounded sort of tipsy. Rosalie was still crying silently. I knew she hated this part about her past and hated bringing Emmett into it even more.

She was a fiercely independent woman. It troubled her for Emmett to fight these battles. I spun around quickly and clutched Rosalie's face in my hands. The handle of the bat was grazing her cheek.

"Rosalie, you need to relax. I've got this under control. Wait here and hold this," I ordered and gave her the bat, "use it if something happens. I'll be right back."

She nodded and stood off to the side. It was close enough to Emmett that she could scream for help if necessary, but hidden enough that she probably wouldn't be found in the first place. I ran back to the entrance and knocked on the club door.

"Police," I barked.

Wallace yanked it open and spluttered off nonsense while I held up my badge.

"Holy shit! Thank Christ! Someone must have called him in!"

Wallace looked at me frantically. He stared at me closely, while I walked in, and then finally recognized me. I was unmistakably Emmett's _best_ fucking friend. His eyes widened while I grabbed him by his shirt collar.

I tugged him through the club and pushed him against the back door as it fell open. I fell on top of Wallace and Emmett stumbled back drunkenly. I gathered myself up quickly and picked up Wallace. I pressed him against the backdoor.

"Listen to me you shit! If you _ever_ harass Rosalie again I'll personally make sure you never see the light of day," I shouted as I slammed him against the door for emphasis.

Emmett had finally stood up and was lurching towards us. I threw Wallace down and launched myself at Emmett. He was so damn huge that we crashed into each other. I pressed him against a parked car and held him off.

"Emmett! Emmett! Calm the _fuck_ down! I'm handling this!" I yelled.

"Let me at him! I'll rip his fucking balls off!" Emmett roared.

Wallace was trying to stand up again so I ran off and grabbed him. I handcuffed him quickly to the Dumpster next to the backdoor. Wallace struggled to get loose but he wasn't going anywhere. Emmett was stalking towards us so I held him off _again_. I did the only thing I could think of and punched him in the face. The shit hurt and my knuckles were probably bloodied now but I couldn't get _through_ to the ape.

Emmett stumbled slightly and swore. I called for Rosalie and she ran over. I took the bat from her and told her to wait. She ignored me and ran over to Emmett. He was clutching his jaw and moaning. He spat out blood and coughed.

Her hands flew all over the place, trying to console him. I walked over to Wallace and slammed the bat against the Dumpster which was literally half a foot from his hands. He winced and almost started to cry.

"You don't like being fucked with, do you? How about this Wallace? How about I don't knock your fucking teeth out in exchange for you to pretend like Rosalie never existed? Huh? How would that work?" I taunted as I smashed the bat closer and closer to his body parts.

I turned around and chuckled. My anger was driving me to the brink of insanity. All I saw was red. I was _so_ livid. Rosalie was like a sister to me. Emmett was like a twin brother. Seeing both of them so upset and messed up cut me deep. And I was so fucking cut up that it was _nice_ to release all the tension. All my aggravation and frustration with everyone and everything was being poured out.

I'd say poor Wallace but he was a dick so he deserved it. It was just bad timing for him. I'd advise him _not_ to pick the-day-I-found-out-the-love-of-my-life-was-engaged-to-another-man next time. Wallace swore underneath his breath and made a smartass comment I didn't quite catch. I spun around on my heel and grabbed Wallace's jaw with one hand.

"What the hell did you just say?"

He didn't respond. I laughed.

"Oh, of course, you're too scared to say it now!"

I was really ready to let the expletives fly and to let his face make contact with the brick wall he was standing in front of; however, I decided I'd have more fun with this.

I walked forward to the line of cars that were parked behind the building. I scanned them observantly and decided the "pimped out" Escalade that was parked in the row of cars was most likely his. I walked over to it and swung the bat around it tauntingly. His eyes widened.

_Ladies and Gentlemen we have a winner!_

I took the bat and smashed it into his front light.

"SHIT!" Wallace shouted out.

I laughed and smashed the other one.

"Well that sucks," I added humorously.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT COSTS?!"

I shrugged and moved along. I found his extravagantly rimmed tires and shook my head. I clucked my tongue in disappointment.

"Oh, Wallace, I really wish I didn't have to do this," I sighed dramatically.

I took out my pocket knife and ripped a line thru his tire. The air shot out almost comically and I laughed. I was definitely becoming a crazy person. I stood up sharply and looked inside the car. There was coke on his passenger seat. I made a face of mock-horror and shook my head regretfully.

"Aw, man, Wallace. This is quite the problem we've got here. That's a pretty serious amount of coke on your front seat. I'm sorry to say it but I might have to take you in for it," I exhaled heavily.

I cracked open his passenger seat window with the bat and grabbed the coke. I walked over to him and reached for my gun from my shoulder holster. I shoved the cool metal into his temple. The side of his face was pressed against the wall while I cocked my head and stared at him.

"So, you know, while I was doing all that smashing I realized I forgot something. I have a proposition. If you agree to it, don't fuck with Rosalie again, and keep your mouth shut about what happened tonight I think we can work out these differences we have, Wallace. What do you think?"

He nodded vehemently. I would too if a crazy bastard like me had a loaded gun pressed into his head. _I _was the only one who knew the safety was still on.

"Okay, so we've got this big bust we're working on for the department. And I think your place would be best. What do you say? We could let this go for tonight if you do as I say."

He nodded. I shook my head.

"Not good enough, Wallace. I need to hear it."

"I promise," he whimpered.

"Promise what?"

"I promise to shut up about what happened, and to let you use whatever you want," he practically cried.

"I'm still waiting," I shouted.

He cringed and trembled.

"I promise to leave Rosalie alone."

"Good boy," I grinned.

I pulled my gun back. I placed it back in the holster and tossed the bat over to Rosalie while I prepared to uncuff Wallace. I put the coke in my pocket and grabbed the cuffs to unlock them. Wallace rubbed his wrists after I uncuffed him. I smirked. I had done them tight on purpose. I led him back into his office and he looked at me with a terrified expression.

"Nice doing business with you, Wallace. I'll be here with a few officers within the next few weeks so I suggest keeping the coke at home," I winked exaggeratedly.

He nodded. I turned around to walk out when something occurred to me. I spun around sharply and punched Wallace square in his left eye. He staggered back and fell into his desk. He clutched his eye and swore.

"I like seeing my handiwork later on," I smirked and slammed his office door shut.

I walked over to Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett was sitting on the ground, clutching his jaw, and leaning into to Rosalie. I stretched out my knuckles. My hands were hurting like a bitch. Rosalie looked at me sadly. I stroked her hair once and took the bat from her. She didn't look right with it. When Emmett was completely sobered up, he'd be pissed at me for using his bat—but only a little.

"Hey you big fuck! Did you see all that? That's how you handle a dipshit like Wallace. Not by yelling and banging on doors."

"Thanks man," he mumbled and his eyes drifted shut.

I glanced at Rosalie.

"You really did a number on him, Edward," she grumbled and pouted.

"I'm sorry! But…shit…he wouldn't fucking calm down! What was I _supposed_ to do?"

"You could have been a little gentler," she insisted.

I rolled my eyes and helped Emmett up.

"Drive my car to your house. I'll drive the Jeep with Emmett," I explained.

She nodded once and followed my instructions. Fifteen minutes later, I was helping Emmett into his bed. Rosalie stood in the doorframe and watched me. I turned off Emmett's nightstand lamp and walked over to her. She hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her and rubbed her back.

"Thank you _so_ much, Edward," she mumbled into my chest.

"It's okay, Rose. I love you like a sister. I would have done it no matter what."

"I know but still. Thank you," Rosalie looked up at me.

I kissed her forehead and released her.

"Take care of him. I'll check on you guys tomorrow. Make sure Emmett calls in for work. There's no way he's going in tomorrow with a jaw like that," I chuckled.

Rosalie smiled and nodded.

What a fucking day to be Edward Masen.

* * *

I haven't written the blog yet. It'll be up later on tonight or tomorrow. For my Twilighted readers there will be a code there for anyone who's interested in adding a picture to your signature. A reader inquired so I'm making it available.

This chapter was a little different. We're going back into the cop/crime aspect of the story and will explore it more next chapter as well. Oh and please no flames for the engagement. Next week is spring break...which gives me plenty of time to write more chapters that lead up to Bella and Jacob's break-up! I'm not going to Mexico and I live 25 minutes away from Daytona Beach sooo ;)

Reviews please?


	19. Chapter 19

This chapter is _much_ shorter than my usuals. It's more of a set-up for next chapter than anything else. I didn't see the point in adding nonsense in for length's sake. Thanks for the reviews and all the new readers. We made it over 100 reviews in one chapter from all the new readers reviewing so much! No blog this chapter btw.

This Chapter's Song: The Most Dangerous Predator by Carter Burwell (the title is _highly_ ironic)

_I don't own Twilight but on Saturday I will officially own my _Twilight_ DVD ;)_

* * *

I woke up the next morning feeling like a champ. Seriously, I had bruised and bloodied knuckles, one splitting headache, and a broken heart. I had filed my report on the coke before I went home. Most of the men knew Wallace by now and didn't question me much. I made it a point to bandage my hands on my way to the nearest precinct. The last thing I needed was to get in trouble for putting Wallace through the ringer for Emmett and Rosalie.

I strolled into the office as if nothing was bothering me. It was sort of sick how good I was becoming at this stoic look and behavior. If I didn't get a good handle on my true identity, I might be lost forever. I knew I had it in me now to be loving and full of emotion. I didn't want to revert back into the empty shell I used to be.

"Morning, Lieutenant," a secretary passed by me.

"Good Morning," I mumbled and walked into my office.

I put my stuff down and turned the computer on. I had this annoying feeling like I was missing something important. I felt like today had a certain significance to it but I couldn't remember what it was. There was a knock on my door. I glanced up and shouted out for whoever it was to come in. Trigger walked in with a blank expression.

"Hey, Trigger. What's up?" I asked curiously as he sat down before my desk.

"He got out today Lieutenant."

I paused. This was slightly ringing the already dim bell.

"Who?"

"Laurent Marceau."

_Shit._ The bells were ringing like they had elected a new Pope now.

"Fuck," I hissed, "I had completely forgotten about that."

"He was released about two hours ago, sir. Cops have been everywhere—undercover officer's mostly—trying to watch his next move. He's due at his probation officer's place within an hour."

Laurent Marceau had been in prison for the last few years for a series of thefts. They mostly included grand theft auto, but the man was certainly guilty of crimes outside of a few petty thefts. He had relocated to Seattle during my senior year at U-Dub. Of course at the time his name and being had no bearing on my life, but now he was at the top of my list of criminals to watch out for.

During his trial and conviction, it had been revealed that he was accused of several serial murders. The Parisian government had never been able to acquire enough solid evidence to even hold him overnight. The cases were closed and Laurent left France to start a new life.

I had met him only once. When he was convicted, I was a Sergeant. I hadn't been the one to book him but I'd crossed his path the first night he spent in prison. He was grouped in with the Max Two's. I was checking the cells to make my officers had been doing their jobs.

_Flashback_

_I was making my rounds, checking to see the inmates were not making a ruckus, and that instructions placed on the officers had been followed. It was lights out and most of them actually used the time to sleep. My boots fell against the tile thickly. They weren't loud but the noise they made was deep. _

_I came to the end of Row K and noticed a man sitting on his bed. His legs were folded beneath him and his hands sat stationery on his knees. He was staring blankly at the wall before him. I didn't think it best to continue staring at him, so I surreptitiously watched him from my post._

_He had long black hair. It was sitting in a heap on his shoulders. He was dressed in the uniform provided for him, but even in the uniform he stood out. His facial features were fierce and crude. They were the features of a man who understood the meaning of death. Slowly, his head turned. He made eye-contact with me. _

_His eyes from what I'd read in the police report were gray. One of my officers—Kevin O'Connor—said they reminded him of steel. Tonight, his eyes seemed black from the dim light. I swallowed and wanted to look away. It wasn't smart to make eye-contact with a sick criminal like him. __I knew he'd only been responsible for a few car thefts but instincts told me he was more dangerous than a few carjacking schemes. The look in his eye, the expression on his face, gave him away. _

_He was lethal. Not to be taken lightly._

_My eyes moved to the floor. I did this carefully. If they moved too quickly, it would make me seem intimidated. If they moved too slowly, I would appear to be making too much of an effort and seem overly-casual. I tugged at a nonexistent piece of string on my pants. _

_I looked back up at Marceau's cell and he was staring back at the wall. The side of his mouth, however, appeared to be turned up. He was smiling. I decided to make myself seem less bothered by him. I walked over to his cell and stood at the door. His head didn't move right away. He seemed lazy to acknowledge my presence._

"_Can I help you officer?" he asked in a heavy French accent._

"_Aren't you tired?" I asked inquisitively._

_He sighed and looked at the floor._

"_I haven't slept more than 2 hours a night for 6 years. Sleep holds no interest to me. I prefer to stay up at nights. The nights are more interesting…," he trailed off._

_I repressed the shudder that wanted to overtake me. With his creepy and omniscient tone, he was sending chills up my spine. A freak like him _would_ find the nights more interesting._

"_How about you, officer? Are you leaving a woman cold in her bed tonight?" he smirked like a madman._

"_No. No, I'm not."_

"_It's a shame. I'm sure there are many lovely women out there who'd love to take that place....That seems to be the problem with these women, doesn't it? _They're all so willing_…"_

_End Flashback_

I had blocked out the rest of that memory. When the accusations of serial murders began, I spent many nights sleepless. All the murders he was believed to be responsible for involved young French women. The victims were cut up and mutilated. I felt like I was in the middle of _Black Dahlia_ a lot of times. Yet I never personally saw Marceau after that night. He was transferred to another part of the prison and I was reassigned a week later.

"Make sure those officers keep space. Marceau likes his breathing room," I ordered.

Trigger nodded in agreement. We were silent for a long moment, wondering what this would mean for us. Fiori was at his all time best as far as crime went, and the politicians were at their all time lows for integrity. I had this bad feeling that Marceau would get added into the equation, and then we'd really be fighting a losing war.

I wasn't resigned to losing—I'd fight to the end—but Marceau was dangerous. He made Fiori's gunshot-to-the-forehead-murders look like a scrape on the knee. I chewed on the inside of my cheek while I stewed over the timing of his release.

"So, where's McCarty?" Trigger asked after a moment.

I chuckled involuntarily.

"We had a long night last night."

I raised my right hand from my lap and showed Trigger my bandaged knuckles. He winced and shook his head.

"I'd ask but I actually don't want to know," he laughed lightly.

I shrugged and tapped my shoes against the floor.

"Trigger?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't you think it's a little strange that Marceau spent his first time in jail for a few car thefts? Granted they were some expensive cars but still…I don't know. I just can't buy—Hell!—I don't think I've ever bought the fact he'd get caught for _that_. I mean we don't actually _know _if he committed those murders in Paris but I can't make myself believe a man that's as conniving as him would get caught for such a bullshit crime. He's too calculating. I know you've never met him but it's weird. You almost get this _cold_ feeling around him…. Going on my instincts alone, I'd say he killed all those women. He's just…not right."

I bit my lower lip and then rolled my eyes when I realized what I was doing. God, I hadn't even _seen_ Bella much lately and I was picking up her habits.

"I agree. You've got amazing instincts and I've always sensed a little something deeper in him too. Do you think maybe the car thefts were a ploy?" Trigger considered.

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe he went to jail for all those years to study. It's clear—from what we suspect of him—he's got some sick fetishes. Maybe all that time in prison would help curb those appetites and allow him ample time to study the crime hierarchy here in Seattle. I'd bet he was watching Fiori like a hawk the whole time he was in prison. And who knows? He could have even gotten himself connected with Fiori through other inmates."

I nodded thoughtfully. Trigger and I were on the same page. And if Trigger was agreeing with me that meant I was on the right track. His instincts never failed him. Just like his shooting abilities. I'd have to look into Marceau's time in prison more. I was sure I could get records of the newspapers he read, books he checked out, and TV programs he watched. Getting this information would just take a little greasing. The inmates liked something in return for their Canary songs.

I grabbed my phone and called Captain Oliveros.

"Oliveros?"

"Captain, its Lieutenant Masen."

"Masen, good to hear from you! I assume Officer Fernandez filled you in on Marceau."

"Yes, he did, sir. I was wondering if you could let me know which detectives are having him watched. I'd like to keep an eye on him. I have a suspicion about his jail time and how exactly it was spent."

"Sure. Detective Harper is controlling all the Marceau surveillance right now. Give him a call."

"Okay, thank you, sir."

"No problem, Masen."

I hung up and looked at Trigger. I grabbed my jacket and slipped it on.

"Where are you going, sir?"

"We're going over to the west precinct. Go grab your coat," I instructed.

Trigger and I walked out of headquarters with a firm determination. He climbed into the Volvo with me and we drove the ten minutes away to the west precinct. I got a lot of hello's and nods on my way in. I saw Detective Harper in the tiny conference room of the precinct.

He glanced over and saw me. Any other day he would have been thrilled to see me, but today I was sure everyone and their mother was coming to him for information on Marceau. I knocked on the door for politeness and Trigger followed me in.

"Detective," I nodded once.

"Nice to see you, Detective."

Harper was a mentor of sorts when I began my career at the department. He was the one who encouraged me to work to become a detective. I sat down with Trigger and we watched video feed, along with some other officers, of Marceau in a coffee shop. He must have met with his probation officer already.

Marceau seemed to be a people-watcher, which made me even more uncomfortable. I wished I could warn all the women in the coffee shop to leave and go home. I knew if Bella was in there I'd run over to that coffee shop in heartbeat and drag her out if necessary.

I wasn't buying what Marceau was half-heartedly selling one bit. In fact, I'd say Marceau didn't even care if he got caught for those murders. It seemed as though he was amused by the fact he was still walking around as a mostly free man.

"So, Masen, what brings you here?" Harper asked without taking his eyes off the small TV.

"Trigger and I were just discussing, Marceau. I assume Captain Oliveros mentioned the Herman thing," I kept it vague so the other officers in the room were unaware; "we just want to keep an eye on him. I don't want him anywhere near Fiori or any of those other guys."

"I couldn't agree more," Harper said casually, "and yes. I did speak to your Captain."

I glanced at the other officers. Some of them were listening to our conversation, while the others stayed captured by Marceau. Every once and a while an officer would come in with a transcript of a call an officer had made on Marceau.

It was generally innocuous things he was partaking in for today, but I wasn't convinced. Suddenly, my phone started to vibrate. I rolled my eyes and reached into my coat pocket. I slid the phone open and groaned when I realized it was a reminder. My appointment with my therapist was at 3.

"Trigger let's go grab some lunch. I'll see you later, Detective."

"See ya Detective," he drawled back.

Trigger and I walked over to a local diner. We sat across from each other in the booth and didn't speak. Trigger wasn't one of those people who needed to speak all the time. If it was Valence, I'd have to keep talking just to keep him from asking too many questions, but Trigger respected the silence. I wasn't much for shooting the breeze these last few days. I wasn't sure where I'd even begin so what was the point of starting? We ordered our food quickly and waited.

"I found us a location for the mission," I noted.

Trigger's eyebrows rose.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'll have to speak to Oliveros about it and see the A.D.A. but it should be fine. Have you heard of a strip club called _The Hustler's Lounge_?" I wondered.

I wanted to cringe at Wallace's awful name for his club. He was the most pathetic wannabe ever. Wallace never hustled for anything in his life. He just had too much time on his hands.

"I think so…didn't you go there before?" Trigger stared at me, trying to remember.

"I've been once or twice. McCarty's girl used to work there," I explained.

"That's right! Now I remember."

"Mhm, so we'll set it up there. I've got it in good with the owner," I smirked at my own joke.

Trigger smiled and the waitress returned with our plates. If there was one advantage to eating at a diner, it was that the food came quick. I dug into my chicken sandwich while Trigger ate his burger. It was difficult eating, since my right hand—my _good_ hand—was slightly sore from the night before. I should have paid more attention when throwing my punch but I was just so angry. Next time I punched Emmett in the jaw, I'd be sure to use my left hand.

I was famished actually. I had missed dinner last night and basically passed out after my fight with Wallace yesterday. Despite all the adrenaline that was pumping at that moment, it was actually just a delaying of my exhaustion. Trigger chuckled and the noise startled me.

"What?" I mumbled with food in my mouth.

"You're eating like a starving child, Lieutenant," he laughed.

I shrugged.

"I never had dinner yesterday. I was exhausted when I came home."

He nodded in understanding and took a sip of his water.

"Sir, you still look pretty drained if you don't mind my saying," he commented.

I shrugged once again and sighed.

"I have an appointment with my therapist this afternoon," I explained.

"My mom sees a therapist. She didn't want to go for a while. Tradition and culture basically made it seem like only people who were crazy went to therapists…I finally convinced her though. It's helped a lot."

I stared at Trigger in shock. I didn't know much about his personal life. I just knew he came from a traditional Hispanic family and his mother was a devout Catholic. It made his job hard. Snipers weren't godly men by those standards. They were in _our_ world.

"What does she see a therapist for? If you don't mind sharing," I qualified.

He shook his head.

"It's no big deal, sir. She just has a lot of emotional problems. She suffered a lot of different abuse growing up and she suffers from depression….she tried to kill herself a couple times when she was younger," he admitted quietly.

I averted my eyes to the plate before me. I finally understood what Trigger had meant when we spoke last month, after Vanessa's death. I didn't have to go through my problems alone. And I also wasn't the only one suffering from these issues. Trigger probably understood some of the stuff I went through better than my own family.

"I'm sorry, John," I used his given name.

I only used it when I was being serious.

"There's no need to apologize, sir. She's been better off and for the most part it doesn't affect me. I wish I could understand her but they're her issues. I just do the best I can to be there for her."

I pursed my lips and glanced outside the window.

"I just hope your sessions can be therapeutic for you also," he continued.

"I hope so too," I murmured.

* * *

My session with the therapist was strange. There was no other word to describe it. We met in a non-descript office and he was…_chill_. It was bizarre. I expected stupid questions and a couch to lie on. Instead, I sat in a frumpy armchair and fought with him about college basketball. I wasn't sure how Jasper knew the man was good but I'd have to call him this week and thank him.

If all my therapy sessions could make me feel that at ease and willing to discuss my problems then maybe I had a shot at beating those demons. I drove to Emmett and Rosalie's house after my session. I knocked on the door and hoped Rosalie wasn't at school. I wanted to check on her. Emmett opened the door and glared at me. I couldn't fight the smirk that appeared.

"Well it's nice to see you too," I chuckled.

He flipped me off and ushered me in.

"What's the verdict on the jaw?" I asked after he closed the door.

The side of his face was slightly bruised and inflamed but other than that he seemed fine. Emmett had suffered worse. Rosalie suddenly floated down the stairs and smiled at me.

"I took him to the hospital this morning. They prescribed him anti-inflammatory medication and painkillers," she grimaced.

I glanced at Emmett. His jaw was clenched but his eyes weren't narrowed. I got annoyed. The silent/glaring treatment was bullshit.

"Listen, I know you're annoyed about the jaw but grow a pair and get over it. What the fuck was I supposed to do? You were drunk and rowdy," I snapped.

Rosalie stared with wide eyes at the both of us. Emmett's jaw was set…literally.

"I can't speak," he whispered through his teeth, "it hurts!"

My eyes widened in response.

"Oh shit, Emmett. I'm sorry," I fumbled.

I wasn't good at apologies. I usually didn't have reason to. I wasn't familiar with making myself look like an ass and saying the wrong things—at least not with my best friend. Emmett waved me off and walked into the living room. Rosalie and I followed him in and I looked at him regretfully.

"So is your jaw that sore?" I cringed.

He nodded.

"I only did it because I had to," I explained.

Emmett nodded again and motioned for Rosalie to come over. He grabbed her hand and she sat on his lap. He rubbed her arm affectionately and nuzzled her neck. I knew he felt bad about what happened last night. I did too.

"I'm sorry too, Rose. I didn't mean to lose control like that last night."

"Edward, it's fine. I think everyone was a little out-of-it last night," she reassured me.

I sighed.

"Marceau got out today," I told Emmett.

"We saw it on the news," Rosalie added.

I was about to respond when my phone went off again. I sighed and reached into my pocket. I glanced at the caller I.D. It was Bella. My eyes grew as wide as saucers and I unconsciously walked outside with my phone. I sat down on the steps of Rosalie and Emmett's front porch. Once I was in the December chill, I answered.

"Hello?" I asked nervously

"Edward?"

My body involuntarily relaxed at the sound of her voice. I loved the sound of my name from her lips.

"It's me Bella. I just…wanted to talk. Things were kind of weird yesterday afternoon," she admitted.

I imagined she was blushing right now. It made me feel better. I felt complete when I spoke to her. Even if it broke my heart to know I'd never be with her, I always with whole with her.

"Yeah," I agreed, "I'm sorry for my behavior."

"No, Edward. It's fine. I can understand your shock. I mean you can't even imagine how shocked I was," she mumbled anxiously.

I didn't _want_ to imagine how shocked she was. A long moment of silence resulted after her remark. Both of us were unsure of what to say.

"So, you really just wanted to _talk_?" I wondered.

She paused.

"Yeah," she replied quietly.

I sighed. She was making it so difficult for me to become detached.

"About what?"

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice and make sure you were okay."

I closed my eyes. _Christ!_ Comments like that made things so much more strained.

"Thanks, I appreciate that," I responded blankly.

There was another awkward silence.

"Are you mad at me?" she whispered.

It sounded like she wanted to cry. I'd never seen her cry before. Even in instances where I half-expected her too, like that day Emmett nearly revealed her in my office, she hadn't cried. I felt like such an ass for making her feel that way. I didn't want to be responsible for any shed tears ever.

"No, Bella. How could you _ever_ think that?" I croaked.

"I-I don't know. You just seemed so angry with me," she gasped the first word.

"No. I was just being ridiculous yesterday. Please forgive me. I know it's asking a lot but please just forget it. It was nothing. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"I just feel so guilty," she confessed.

"Guilty about what?" I coaxed.

"About everything! I made Charlie feel bad, I made you upset yesterday, Jacob thinks I'm bothered by the fact he's going away this weekend when everyone wanted to have an engagement party. I just…" she trailed off.

"Bella, it's fine. I promise! I saw your Dad last night. He wasn't even angry with you. All he could do was gloat about your engagement."

It was painful to say the words but I would say anything to make her feel better. She was being self-deprecating. She didn't need to. I heard her sigh across the other line.

"Edward?" she asked quietly.

"Yes?"

"Would you come with me this weekend? Would you take me to see my Grandma? Charlie won't let me drive the truck up there by myself and Jacob's going away. She makes me feel so much better."

I froze. Bella was asking me to spend at least an hour alone in a car with her. This was a formula for trouble. Yet I couldn't make myself refuse the offer. I knew how much it meant to her to see her grandmother and from what she'd said, her grandmother counted on those visits too.

I finally opened my eyes and the sun was setting. I tapped my foot nervously on the cement stair. I wanted to tell her 'Can I think about it and get back to you?' but it wasn't the appropriate response. I needed a clear answer now. This would be a defining moment for our relationship from here on out and either answer would make a statement.

"Sure," I responded, hoping she didn't hear how unsure of myself I sounded.

She sighed.

"Okay," she whispered, "can I call you later this week so we can make arrangements?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you for doing this for me, Edward. I'm so sorry for everything."

She didn't even know what she was sorry for but I let it go. I knew this was a terrible idea but I just needed to prove to her I could do this. I could be around her. I would survive. I loved her. My strength would get me through. I was angry for her being so selfish and asking me of this but it was my fault too for agreeing. Whatever happened next…I would be just as responsible for.

"I think I should go," I diverted the coversation.

"Oh….Okay…"

"I'll talk to you later, Bella."

"Bye, Edward."

I hung up without another word. I was having another headache. I knew love was troublesome but I didn't know just about every time we spoke I'd leave with a headache. I wish I knew how she felt. If she got that same tug on her heartstrings each time we spoke. I made up a quick excuse to leave Emmett and Rosalie and went home. Rosalie had been catching onto my moods lately. Ever since I told her about Bella she knew what my distance was a result of, and I wasn't one for pity.

When I got home I cleaned up. It was a helpful distraction. Putting things in order, concentrating on scrubbing out stains, made it easier to distract myself. It put me in a certain mindset where my OCD tendencies were beneficial.

I thought out ways to tweak Peter Herman's setup and ways in which I'd have to watch for Laurent Marceau. Maybe if Herman spilled enough then I'd get some good names. We could possibly find Dylan Humphrey's killer if I got the right one. I knew Bella would we pleased with me if I found his killer.

_Shit, Edward! You're _avoiding_ thinking about Bella!_

I busied myself with cleaning my bathroom sink. I couldn't even remember the last time I cleaned. I'd come home so exhausted from work lately that it was straight to sleep and then straight to work. After there was nothing left to clean, I found myself watching stupid TV shows. It was frustrating how out-of-touch the writers of these shows were with the struggles of everyday people.

Sleeping around the office wasn't the reality of the everyday person. No one I knew had drama like that, still wore a smile, and got over it in 2 episodes. I wished life could be that simple but it wasn't. It was complicated and messy. Things usually didn't turn out the way you planned them to. It didn't matter if you covered every base; fate was a cruel and nasty bitch.

I sat there and contemplated all the things I hadn't planned that had happened these last few months. I couldn't think of one instance where things went according to how I expected. I figured it was just best for my mental self-preservation to forget the expectations.

There was no use in forcing things to happen anymore. I applied this thinking to Bella. I would keep to myself, avoid involving myself with her emotionally, and let the chips fall where they may. Anything could happen but I wasn't expecting anything. I was expecting nothing. If it was meant to be…it would.

* * *

I'm not pleased with Bella this chapter. Maybe next chapter when she and Edward go to visit her grandmother she'll redeem herself.

What did you all think about Laurent coming in? His character is going to be _very_ important...review as always!


	20. Chapter 20

Sorry for the delay. I had some family issues at the end of my spring break that needed to be dealt with. I didn't get to write at all. This chapter is a long one though!

I want to suggest a few stories: Apples & Oranges by McVampy (Pepaw/Captain Orgasmo is win), Sin City by Namariel (Panther is winning over my heart), and Shadowboxer by nobloodnofoul (I like volatile men)

This chapter's song: You Give Me Something by James Morrison

_I don't own Twilight and I can't think of anything cool to say right now...just read ;)_

* * *

I didn't sleep on Friday. I should have but I couldn't. I was too nervous, too anxious, too confused, too overwhelmed to sleep. Bella explained that I'd be giving up the better part of my Saturday if I came along. She had given me the opportunity to rescind my agreement but I couldn't do it to her.

If she asked me for the world, I'd give it to her. I wanted so badly to take myself out of this situation and remain uninvolved but I was in too deep. She had me in the palm of her hand. So because I was hers for the taking, I arrived at her home at 9:30 A.M.

I was half-terrified Jacob would be around but I was relieved when I saw his bike was missing. Bella ran out of the house before I even had the chance to step out and ring the bell. I did make it to open her door for her but that's as far as it went.

I wanted to delude myself into thinking it was because she was excited to see me. I allowed myself to believe that later on, when I was missing her, but I knew better. As soon as we sat alone in the car together, I was overwhelmed.

The Chapstick was stronger than ever and the fresh scent of flowers extinguished the "new car scent" of my Volvo. I pulled away from her curb and made my way to the highway. I had an idea of where we were going, but Bella directed me anyway. I didn't mind. I liked hearing her speak.

I trained my eyes to stay on the road. I knew if I looked at her we'd surely end up in a car wreck. I wanted to woo her and make her mine. Not kill her. She was so fragile as it was—always stumbling, and blushing. It was hard to believe she made her living off of involving herself with criminals.

"So, how was the rest of your week Lieutenant?" the eagerness in her voice was infectious, I could tell she was smiling.

I fought back a smile and swallowed.

"It was fine. Monday we start preliminaries for Councilman Herman."

"So you're really going to do it, huh? Wow! I'm so happy the Department is supporting this. It has the potential to be ugly but you guys are doing it anyway. I admire that," she sighed.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

There was a long moment of silence. The bumper sticker on the car ahead of me was suddenly very interesting.

"Edward?"

And there it went. The driver switched lanes, telling me I had to engage her. I was being a dick. I just needed to response.

"Are you alright? Did you not want to do this? You should have told me. I would have figured something out," she murmured.

I exhaled through my nose heavily.

"Bella….I just…it's nothing. Please don't worry about me. I'm just a little tired is all," I used a weak excuse.

"Do you want me to drive?" she offered.

I snorted and finally looked at her. Bad idea. She looked beautiful. For some reason she looked more alive than the last time I'd seen her. She looked happier for some reason. I didn't equate it to me; I was being a jerk-off. Her eyes shone and oddly enough she seemed to be wearing some make-up. Maybe she liked looking nice, to help her grandmother be in better spirits. Her eyebrows were raised, as if she was waiting for something. _Oh shit, she asked me a question._ I rolled my eyes and smirked.

"No one drives my car," I said firmly.

She giggled. I _hated_ when she did that.

"Protective, huh?" I could hear the smirk in her voice.

I looked at her briefly again. She was smiling brilliantly.

"Of this car? Yes."

"Why? It's only a car. I let Ja—I let people drive my car all the time."

I wanted to roll my eyes at her dreadful attempt to cover up the fact she said his name. I wasn't sure what it was for. She didn't need to do it for my benefit. I had long accepted the fact she belonged to him. Clearly, I was some sick masochist.

I glanced at her hand to remind myself but I was shocked when she wasn't wearing her ring. I knew she got engaged last weekend. Bella told me she didn't see her grandmother very often. Why wouldn't she wear it? Wouldn't she want to tell her? Show her the ring in person? I clenched my jaw and checked my speed.

"You didn't answer my question," she spoke again.

"What?"

_She asked me a question?_

"Why are you so protective of your car?"

_Oh, right._

"Because it's a Volvo…I worked my ass off to pay for it," I replied with confusion.

That seemed obvious.

"It's a materialistic possession though. At any moment something could happen to it. We could get into a 12-car pile-up right now and the car would be useless," she insisted.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well that's why I'm so protective. So I don't get myself in those situations," I smirked at her.

Bella narrowed her eyes at me and pursed her lips.

"Are you like that with all things or just your car?" she laughed.

"All things," I answered without skipping a beat.

She didn't respond right away. Bella shifted in her seat so her back was to the window and she was staring at my profile. Her head cocked to the side, and she studied me for a moment.

"I knew you would say that," she whispered.

I looked at her and she smiled a small smile. I flicked the radio knob on to tune out the silence. It was classical. I freaked out for a moment and got self-conscious. I was about to turn the dial when her hand reached out and touched mine, stopping me. My skin was on fire from where she touched me. She looked at me while I shifted my eyes between her face and the road.

"Don't. I love this piece," she smiled.

"I didn't realize you were familiar with Chopin," I observed.

"Not all of them—just this one—I heard it in college, in my Humanities course. I loved it," she replied pensively.

I put my hand back on the wheel and sighed.

"Does your grandmother know I'm coming with you?" I wondered suddenly.

"Um, not really. She won't mind though. Jake has come with me before. I think she enjoys meeting new people."

"Oh…"

"Are you nervous?" Bella smirked.

"No. I just…don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. She doesn't know me."

"She's heard of you," Bella responded quickly.

I looked at her sharply.

"What do you mean she's heard of me?" I asked suspiciously.

"She knows we work together. I told her about you. I can't really say anything to Jacob so…," she trailed off.

"Ah…I understand."

I got off at the exit Bella pointed to and continued on. It was still about a 25 minute drive. I grabbed my cell phone from my jacket pocket and multitasked. I checked my text messages while I drove. Bella watched me with a friendly smile. I had a text from Alice and one from Emmett. I wasn't really supposed to be out of the office today but I had promised Bella. Emmett knew he could text me or call if anything major happened.

"I hate texting," I heard Bella mutter.

I peeked at her and smiled. I thought back to when we first met and she fumbled with the tape recorder. I was _sure_ she hated texting.

"I'm quite adept at it," I smirked arrogantly.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. I chuckled and put the phone back in my pocket.

"The home is coming up in a few minutes. It'll be on my side," she added.

I nodded and studied the area. It was pretty quiet. There were a lot of trees, big homes, gardens. The town screamed suburban. It wasn't my style at all. I enjoyed the big cities. I couldn't really ever see myself living in a small town. To a certain degree they even freaked me out. Something about them seemed more sinister than a big city. At least in a metropolis you expected danger.

"So why did you choose this area?" I wondered.

"My grandmother likes nature. She misses Arizona, so I tried my best. It's different from creosote and cactus but it's something," Bella shrugged, "when my mother got remarried and stuff, I was in Seattle. I sort of made it my responsibility to look after her. Charlie helps me with her bills and stuff sometimes. He knows I hate it but no matter what…he doesn't hold any grudges towards his ex-mother-in-law."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek contemplatively. I really underestimated the depth of Bella's maturity and responsibility sometimes. I got so caught up in the drama between us, I sometimes forgot to see past what I loved about her and what she gave to me, to really see who she was a person.

She was another person outside of our job. I was suddenly exceptionally grateful to have this opportunity to see this other side of her. I smiled at her. It wasn't large and it didn't reach my eyes, but I wanted her to know I acknowledged her sacrifice. Not many 20-somethings would take such devoted care of their ailing grandmothers.

"Turn up here," Bella instructed.

I turned into a relatively empty parking lot. I frowned. I hated visiting nursing homes. They were full of forgotten loved ones. I wasn't sure why, but it seemed like once people were placed in nursing homes their family just seemed to disappear.

It was disconcerting and frustrated me. I'd give anything to know my grandparents. Esme's parents had been long dead—since I was a child—and _his_ parents never liked me and my mother. They stopped speaking to us after he left. There was no reason to keep up the façade.

Bella and I got out. She smiled at me and stepped closer. The proximity was making my head woozy.

It was overcast and moist in the air. It had been raining, with a consistency that was actually more like sleet, earlier to our arrival. The puddles in the parking lot were a dead giveaway. I grabbed the lobby door for Bella and held it open. She grinned in surprise and I frowned at her. _Was she not expecting me to be a gentleman and hold the door open? What the hell was Jacob Black doing?_

"Hi, Bella!" a middle-aged woman beamed widely.

Bella's cheeks flushed a bit and she looked at me nervously.

"Hi, Ms. Cope. This is my coworker and friend Edward," Bella announced as I walked forward.

I shook hands with the wild, flaming-haired woman and smiled. Her eyes fluttered and I looked at her curiously. Her response was quite disarming. She looked rather lightheaded to be honest. I glanced at Bella and she was fighting back a smile but biting her lip. She looked adorable.

"Well, I'm just going to head down to see my grandmother. I'll see you later, Ms. Cope," Bella waved.

I followed her down the hall. To be honest, the place smelled terrible but I didn't think much of it after a while. I'd smelt the bodies of long decomposed murder victims and such. It was nothing in comparison. I looked over my shoulder to make sure we were out of hearing range and whispered to Bella.

"What was wrong with that lady?" I wondered.

Bella laughed lightly.

"I think you dazzled her," she laughed at her own joke.

My eyebrows scrunched together.

"Dazzled? Did you seriously just say dazzled? I know you're a writer, Bella, but Jesus. Don't say that ever again. No self-respecting man wants to 'dazzle' anything," I laughed.

"There's nothing wrong with dazzling," she insisted through giggles.

"I agree. Nothing's better for a man's ego than being able to making a girl pass out but it negates the intent when you use the word dazzle," I explained.

Bella looked up at me and smirked.

"Fine, _Lieutenant_. The dazzling is out," she winked.

She needed to stop calling me Lieutenant. It didn't help the purple balls. _Yeah, I was past the blue balls._ They were purple these days. We stopped at a door. The white board had 'Marie Wilkinson' on it. Bella knocked lightly on the door and opened it tentatively.

She poked her head in and the gestured for me to follow her in. We entered the sterile room. The floor was carpeted in a generic brand and the walls were muted lavender. I noticed all types of mementoes and cards but what I noticed most was the elderly woman sitting on a tweed couch with a thick book.

I swallowed thickly and froze. She didn't really look much like Bella but the fact this was Bella's _grandmother _intimidated me more than most Max One inmates. There was a messy pile of gray hair on top of her head and her skin was a canvas delicate wrinkles. This woman had clearly aged well.

Her eyes were brown like Bella's but darker. Her glasses were slipping down her nose. The clothes she wore were nondescript and utterly forgettable, but she was the furthest thing from forgettable. I noticed how her eyes saw through Bella, as if she was glass, and focused on me. The narrowed minutely and stared at me.

"Who's your friend, Isabella?" the woman asked in a haggard voice.

There was no sign of drowsiness in her features but her voice was exhausted. Almost as if she had spoken so much in life, she was sick of speaking. The breath was better off for other uses.

"Grandma…this is my friend—Edward. I told you about him. Do you remember?" Bella asked anxiously.

The woman cocked her head and analyzed me.

"I think so," she responded quietly.

I wanted to ask Bella why she might not remember her mentioning me but it wasn't appropriate. I didn't have an opportunity to get her alone.

"It's pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Wilkinson," I left my hand out.

She placed the book down on the couch as Bella sat down. She looked up at me and shook my hand once.

"Isabella, you didn't mention you were bringing a friend."

"I'm sorry, Gran. I didn't assume it'd be a problem. I know you like meeting new people," Bella rubbed her arm soothingly.

I sat down in an armchair across the room awkwardly and observed the exchange. I thought it was interesting that her grandmother called her Isabella but I didn't say anything. Once Bella started to ask her about the book she was reading, she seemed to forget about me. It was nice to see Bella smile so much and look at me from the corner of her eye every so often. I noticed a lot about her, while I watched her.

Bella had a tendency to furrow her brows together while she spoke, and she used her hands to speak when she started talking about a book she particularly liked. She shifted her body unconsciously whenever her grandmother moved. Her index finger tapped steadily with the beat of Marie's heart monitor. She blushed whenever she noticed me staring at her—which was often—and she tucked and un-tucked her hair behind her ears incessantly.

"Who are you?" the old woman looked at me abruptly.

I looked at her confusedly. I thought we had gone through the introductions already. Bella shifted and forced her grandmother to look at her.

"Grandma, this is Edward. I told you about him. He's been sitting here for the last fifteen minutes."

The old woman looked at Bella curiously.

"He has?"

"Mhm," Bella nodded slowly.

She looked at me nervously and stood up.

"I'm going to take Edward to get some water. I'll be right back, Gran."

Bella snatched my hand and yanked me from my chair. She shut the door behind us and let go of my hand. I stood there waiting while she paced the hallway.

"Edward, I'm sorry. My grandmother…she…she has dementia. I can usually tell if she'll have an off day. I didn't expect that," she explained.

I opened my mouth to respond. It made sense. The woman was clearly in her seventies—at least.

"Bella, it's fine. Don't apologize. That's hardly in your control. It didn't bother me. I was just surprised is all," I tried to soothe her.

She stared at the ground in embarrassment. I bent my knees to get eye-level with her.

"Hey," I whispered.

Bella looked at me with sad eyes.

"Let's go back inside, okay? Let's talk," I suggested.

She nodded once and opened the door. I brought the armchair closer to the couch and sat with Bella and her grandmother. Bella didn't look much like her but they had the oddest similarities in mannerisms. I figured it had something to do with their kinship. They were two kindred spirits.

It was truly bizarre but intriguing. Bella told me she had lived with her mother as a child, so I assumed she spent much time with her grandmother. Children were impressionable. It would make sense that she picked up her grandmother's habits.

"So, Mrs. Wilkinson, are you enjoying the rain?" I asked lamely.

"Call me Marie," she requested.

I nodded once.

"I enjoy the rain but I miss the sun," she sighed.

I looked at Bella and her smile was broad. She seemed pleased to have this interaction between her grandmother and I. I wanted to dwell on that fact but her grandmother bombarded me with questions.

"So what do you do, Edward?"

"I'm an officer. I'm a Lieutenant and I manage the S.W.A.T. unit at the Seattle Police Department."

Marie's eyes went huge.

"Like Charlie?"

I chuckled and looked at Bella who giggled.

"Yeah, like Charlie."

Marie nodded thoughtfully and patted Bella's hand.

"Charlie was a good man. I like Phil but Charlie was 'the one.' Renee can be so flighty," she scowled at the generic carpet.

Bella swallowed uncomfortably and gave me an awkward smile. It was somewhat odd to have this close connection to my boss' family. It felt like an alternate universe. I didn't really belong here but I felt comfortable here. I felt comfortable with Bella. I knew I'd pay the price for my indulgence when I was forced to leave her, but for now, I was happy.

"Are you married, Edward?" Marie asked genuinely.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably and forced myself not to look at Bella.

"No," I replied.

The word hung in the air like heavy moisture. It was suffocating and discomforting.

"That's a shame. A handsome man like you should be married by this age. How old are you dear?"

I chuckled nervously. Bella and I had never really gotten into ages and such. I was worried if I said something she'd see me as this old man. I knew she wasn't thirty yet. I didn't want to freak her out.

"Thirty-one, ma'am."

"Thirty-one? You don't look a day over twenty-five," she exclaimed.

I laughed and vaguely registered Bella's quiet laughter next to me.

"Isabella, sweetheart, how old are you now?" Marie questioned.

"Twenty-seven, Gran," Bella answered and looked at me.

Our eyes met quickly but I could see her apprehension. Bella seemed nervous to admit her age for whatever reason. Marie went on to retell stories of her experiences at that age. She had been married to Bella's grandfather for quite some time by that point.

From the expressions on Bella's face, I could figure out if she'd heard a story or not. She would mouth 'sorry' to me every once in a while and I would shake my head diminutively. I enjoyed learning more about this side of her life. I wanted Bella. I wanted her outside of the brave journalist I saw each time she visited. I wanted Bella Swan, the granddaughter, daughter, beautiful person, interesting woman.

After a long time of speaking, we realized lunch was approaching. A nurse entered and explained that Marie would be required to have lunch with the other patients. Bella stood up and I followed as Marie was wheeled out in a wheelchair.

"Should we follow? Where are we eating?" I wondered.

Bella's eyes popped slightly.

"Oh, I thought…I thought maybe you wanted to have lunch outside of the cafeteria."

"Bella, whatever is convenient is fine. You don't need to arrange lunch to accommodate me."

"Let's give her a chance to see her friends. We'll come back when she's done," Bella suggested.

I nodded and we walked out to my Volvo. I helped her in the passenger seat and then climbed into mine. Bella was shaking her head and smiling when I started the engine.

"What's so funny?" I asked skeptically.

"Nothing. You're just so…chivalrous," she blushed, "I guess I didn't expect that of you. You always come off so rough around the edges."

I took note of how she wrung her hands together and stared at her sneakers. She seemed embarrassed by her confession.

"Do you think I walk around clubbing women on the head or something?" I joked.

She laughed.

"No. It's just surprising. I've never met any men that open car doors for women. Building doors…yes. Car doors…not so much," Bella shrugged.

I rolled my eyes and vacated the parking lot.

"Where to?"

"There's a no-name-Mom-and-Pop restaurant a few blocks down. You don't mind eating there, do you?"

I shook my head.

"Not at all."

I drove into the parking lot as directed and couldn't contain my grin when I opened the car door for Bella. It was turning into a running joke. I was a bit unnerved when the hostess directed us to a booth. The last time Bella and I had eaten together had been much different. The circumstances were more morose and dreary. This time I wanted us to be lighthearted. I wanted to enjoy every second with her.

We looked through the menu in silence and then stared at each other while we waited for our entrees. We were both smiling like fools. The situation was completely awkward, but it was our way to relieve the tension. I took the white paper wrapper from my straw and crumpled it up.

Bella's attention was fixed on my face, so she hadn't noticed. I threw the miniature object at her and it landed in her water. She looked at me with shock and incredulity. I laughed back.

"Edward Masen! You got your germy straw in my water," she pouted.

I chuckled and handed her my spoon. It was endearing how she pouted and fussed while she retrieved the soggy paper ball.

"What's your middle name anyway? It'll make it more impressive when I yell at you next time," she smirked at me.

"Anthony," I replied lazily and ordered my silverware accordingly.

"Anthony," she whispered and chewed on her straw.

She seemed thoughtful. I couldn't focus on her expression though. I was fixated on the straw between her lips. I hated myself for thinking of her like that but it was unavoidable. She was sensual. Not hot or banging, or anything of the sort. Her sexuality was appealing in an unusual way. I engrained the memory of her sucking and chewing on the straw for later on. I didn't have many visuals for the spank bank but this one was getting added for sure.

"I know _your_ middle name is after your grandmother," I blurted out.

Bella smiled in astonishment and leaned forward.

"Really? How'd you know that? Did you have me researched?" she taunted.

She was flirting. I loved her and hated her for it. _She was _engaged_ for Christ's sake!_

"Your father told me, and I sort of put two-and-two together."

The waitress returned with our entrees. I had ordered a soup and Bella had ordered a simple chicken platter. The soup warmed my throat and I hummed in pleasure. The December air was brutal. I was just waiting for the morning I'd wake up and see snow.

"Enjoying your soup?" Bella smirked.

"Yes. What about you? How's your boring chicken?" I laughed.

"My boring chicken is quite amazing if you must know. I was actually going to offer to share but I think I'll rescind my offer," she replied haughtily.

I rolled my eyes and she giggled. I continued eating my soup and ignored the fact her foot was swinging back and forth beneath the wooden table. It would brush the bottom of my jeans occasionally and I'd get excited. I had to remind myself I was 31 and not 18. I was getting excited for nonsense.

"Edward?" Bella asked after a long time of silence.

"Hmm?" I asked while dipping my spoon in the soup bowl.

"I feel like I don't know anything about you. We only ever see each other for work and I don't know…I just want to know more about you," Bella stared at me earnestly.

I blinked in rapid succession. I certainly wasn't expecting that.

"Um…what do you want to know?" I laughed anxiously.

I was suddenly very self-conscious.

"Everything," she smiled beautifully.

"Uhh…"

"How about you tell me about high school?" Bella offered.

I nodded. I could do high school—if I cut out all the bad stuff. _No! Don't cut out all the bad stuff! You want to love this girl. Be honest!_

"I was kind of a jerk in high school to be honest," I admitted.

Bella didn't say anything. Her right hand was holding up her head while she stared and listened. I continued. I felt obligated to.

"I got into a lot of bad stuff too. I had a lot of different 'girlfriends,' I drank often, I smoked—"

"You smoked?!" Bella asked in a horrified squeal.

"Um, yeah."

"Edward, that's terrible! Do you still smoke?"

"Um, no. Not really. The last time I did was Thanksgiving and I hadn't done it for a few years by then."

Bella pouted.

"You shouldn't smoke. It's bad for you," she mumbled and looked at her plate.

"I've found there's better ways to get killed," I tried to joke.

Bella's eyes went wide. She looked terrified.

"Oh, damn. Bella, I didn't mean it like that. It was just a joke," I stumbled through my explanation.

She nodded and motioned for me to continue.

"Anyway, Jasper went to school with me for a year. I was senior when he was a freshman….To be honest, I never liked high school much. College was a better experience. I didn't have many friends until I joined the force. Emmett's one of them. What about you?"

"I went to high school here in Seattle. Charlie was a higher-up by then and I was just growing apart from Renee. I wanted to spend time with Charlie so I moved. He and I had always been close," Bella played with her fingers as she spoke.

"I went to U-Dub too. That's how I met—Jacob," she whispered, "we were friends before we dated."

"I can tell," I admitted.

"Really?" she asked with genuine interest.

I nodded and took a sip of my soda.

"Tell me more," she insisted with a grin.

"Alright, how about we do the basics? I think we've basically got family and school out of the way," I suggested.

She nodded in agreement.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked.

Bella shifted.

"Um…it changes."

I cocked my head and stared at her with curiosity. She never gave me the answer I expected.

"What is it today?" I prodded.

"Green."

I rubbed my chin and contemplated her response. _Strange._

"What's your favorite?" she asked suddenly.

"Blue," I replied.

I loved blue on her. Like the blue blouse she was wearing today. Bella bit her lip and thought of another question.

"When's your birthday?" she grinned.

"June 20th. Yours?"

"September 13th."

It was my turn to come up with a new question. We'd started unofficial rules.

"Your favorite musician?"

The answer to this question scared me. She could destroy my vision of her with a bad answer. I knew she wouldn't give me a bad one but still.

"I can't choose," she shook her head.

I nodded in understanding.

"Okay, well at least tell me who you were listening to last?"

Bella pursed her lips, trying to remember.

"I was listening to Jeff Buckley to be honest," she hunched her shoulders and bit her lip nervously.

"I love Jeff Buckley," I assured her.

Bella smiled and looked at the floor. The shyness was so damn cute.

We continued on with mundane questions. They were silly but they just made me happy. I wanted to know everything about her. If this was the only way to do it, so be it. I'd take whatever I was given. There was no need to complain. I was given more today than I had any right to deserve.

When we realized it was getting late, we went back to the nursing home. Bella's grandma was asleep. She woke her briefly to say goodbye and left. Her medication made her drowsy apparently. I was just glad to have an hour and fifteen minutes completely alone with Bella again.

"So what are you doing for Christmas?" I asked while we started on the highway.

"Um, nothing special. Jacob's sister from Hawaii is coming so I think we may spend a few days in La Push."

She seemed uncomfortable talking about Jacob. I let it go.

"What about you?"

My lips fell into a firm line. I didn't like talking about how lonely I was aloud. It made me more depressed.

"Nothing. I took quite some time off during Thanksgiving. I have a feeling Jasper and Alice might come around during New Years but other than that nothing. I'm sure Emmett will invite me to his family's Christmas dinner."

Bella frowned.

"We could…hang out…if you get lonely. You shouldn't be alone during the holidays, Edward," Bella rested her head on the seat and looked at me.

Her eyes seemed wider and more innocent with that position. I was suddenly imagining myself pulling over to the shoulder on the road. It wouldn't be romantic or ideal but I'd make the sweetest love to her in my backseat right now if I could. I would kiss those pouty lips and stared into those doe eyes while I moved in and out of her slowly. Each movement, each sound would be deliberate.

They were dangerous thoughts to have around her. I pressed the gas a little harder. I wanted to enjoy this hour but I didn't trust myself to behave much longer. Her fiancé was away.

I didn't like the thought of her cheating on anyone, but if she continued to test me, I would have no qualms about making use of every room and surface in my apartment while he was away. When we arrived at her house, my heartstrings prepared for the inevitable break. Each time she left me, she took some of it with her.

"Thanks for doing this for me, Edward. I had a great time with you today," Bella smiled.

"Anytime, Bella. Thanks for thinking of me."

She nodded. Her hand hovered on the doorknob.

"Maybe we can do this again?" she wondered.

"Um, sure….I'll call you after everything with Herman goes down on Tuesday. I think I might send a few officers to hang around here in a few weeks. I just want to be sure things between us are still safe," I clarified.

Bella sighed.

"Let's try and see each other next week, okay? Christmas is coming soon."

"Yeah," I agreed.

Bella reached her left hand over and squeezed mine. My heart jumped and fell into the pit of my stomach. I knew I had something a lot stronger than some pansy butterflies fluttering in there. She let go of my hand, opened the door abruptly, and closed it behind her.

I waited until she walked to the door and seemed safe before I pulled away. I wanted to walk up and check for myself, but I knew if I ever made it anywhere _near_ her front door it'd be a problem. The thought was more tempting than should be allowed. I'd probably never leave that house.

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Reviews are better than this angsty heartfail...


	21. Chapter 21

Okay, so I know I didn't reply to everyone's reviews. I just got caught up with school and it didn't work out since I wanted to get this chapter out quickly. I think I'm going to have to try a new approach. If you ask a question, I'll do my best to get back to you but I can't promise I can reply to each review anymore. It's gotten overwhelming...in the best way possible, so keep it coming! ;) The last chapter was by far and away the most reviewed chapter of the story and it looks like we'll be breaking 1000 this chapter, which is the proudest moment in writing for me. I've never gotten that many reviews before.

The general question last chapter was: **why Bella didn't wear her ring?** So for those of you who didn't receive a response, I'm going to reply quickly here: If you remember back to the scene when Edward initially found out, Bella admitted to not really feeling comfortable wearing it in the first place. Since Jacob was away she took the opportunity to take it off and enjoyed the freedom (a clear sign of the fact she's unhappy with him). She also didn't want Edward's comfortability during this so-called "test" to be compromised by her engagement ring. To her, she thought it might make things easier.

I hope that clears things up. There's a blog this chapter if you need more insight.

Chapter Song: Can't Get It Out of My Head (E.L.O. Cover) by John Paul White

_I don't own Twilight, but I'll end it here since I'm getting long-winded and can't wait to see the review mark pass 1000 ;)_

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"Lieutenant, we replaced the walkies in Pagan and Badger's packs," Trigger reported.

I glanced up from my locker. I was strapping myself in and adjusting my vest.

"Thanks, Trigger. Is everyone basically ready? The vans are waiting."

"Yeah. Everything has been triple-checked and Deputy Commissioner says Herman is following the plan to the mark."

"Good. Tell Emmett to round everyone up. I want to go over assignments once more before we head out," I instructed.

Trigger nodded and scurried off to find Emmett. Tonight was going to be a late night for us. It was 11:30 and Peter Herman was just cozying up with our undercover officer. We almost had to scrub the mission. Our first choice had been called in on an assignment she was currently working on and couldn't make it.

To say I was pissed, was putting it mildly. To say I was _livid,_ when Emmett thought suggesting Bella was good idea, was more accurate. I adamantly refused. I would rather put the mission on the backburner than to endanger Bella and expose her further.

I also didn't want Peter Herman anywhere near her. The thought of her in a skimpy stripper outfit and his grimy hands on her made me furious. Emmett could see the rage in my eyes and retracted his suggestion quickly. There was no more talk of Bella going undercover from that moment on. And if he was as smart as I thought he was, there would never be.

I looked around the locker-room, and my team members were grinning and laughing. I finally tuned into their conversation and loaded my gun.

"I can't wait to see the look on his face when he gets caught," Valence laughed.

"Tonight is one of those nights that I really love my job," Emmett grinned back wickedly.

I chuckled to myself and slammed the locker shut. I strode over to the group and they shut up quickly.

"Alright! Everyone has their assignment. Operation Nightingale," everyone snickered—Emmett had thought of the name, "officially begins when Officer James gets Councilman Herman into the backroom. If you're not one of the officers entering the room…it's your responsibility to secure the perimeter. No one knows of this assignment. Any suspicious characters or bogies are handled _immediately_. Head out!"

Everyone left the room and made their way to the vans. The van ride wasn't quiet. The men seemed especially pleased to bust Herman tonight. Tonight was one of those nights where I really trusted and admired my men. This plan would go off without a hitch. Everyone was 100% dedicated to it.

We landed a few blocks away from Wallace's club. We weren't allowed to enter the facility until the detectives and officers gave us the clear. There was still the possibility Herman was being watched by Fiori.

The detective in our van turned on the video and audio feed while we waited. It was like watching a comedy. Herman was a bumbling fool. The other "patrons" in the club were undercover officers. Herman was the only one _not_ in on what was about to happen. Officer James had done a great job of piquing his interest from the beginning. She paid attention to him, and drew him in easily.

"That's Officer James?" Valence asked incredulously.

"Yeah," I responded lazily and rolled my eyes.

"Holy fuck! She is _smoking_ hot! How do I not know her?" he wondered.

"Because she works over at the North precinct you dick," I retorted.

I could hear Emmett's chuckles in my ear. He was in the other van—our microphones were connected. I took off my helmet. It was stifling in the van. I didn't expect to have to wait this long, but Herman was annoyingly cool as cucumber. I expected him to be more anxious to get some alone time with Officer James.

But after what seemed like eternity, he finally caved. We got the okay to head in and took off. It was hard running with so much equipment but the goal being seen through was my motivation to keep pushing forward. The prize of nailing Herman was worth it.

Emmett's group got into place to secure the perimeter and my group waited by the backroom and the parking lot. I passed Wallace on my way in and gave him a nod. He just stared at me. His eye was yellowish. I must have given him a pretty nasty shiner.

I cocked my gun and readied it. As soon as I got the okay from the detectives, I was busting that door down. The anticipation was palpable. Seconds were slowly turning into minutes. My fingers were itching to do something and my legs were ready to strike down the wooden door.

I could hear muffled groans and giggles. I felt terrible for Officer James. I'd hate to have to fake that shit with Herman.

"Okay, Lieutenant. Be prepared," one of the Captains warned me.

I gestured to my officers to get ready.

"Now!" the Captain whispered harshly.

Everything after that was a blur. The only thing I could distinctly remember was seeing his face. He looked absolutely terrified, and rightfully so. He was probably expecting Fiori's hit men when I busted the door down. To a certain extent they _were_ more terrifying. At least we weren't killing him.

We made little show of his arrest. As little as possible had to happen. I didn't want any attention drawn to the scene.

I enjoyed myself immensely when Councilman Herman was sitting in the interrogation room. I watched through the tinted glass window with a mile-wide grin. He was stuttering and stammering like a horny 16-year-old caught by his girlfriend's dad. Emmett was standing in the corner. His forearms were folded over his chest, making him look even more massive than usual. Captain Oliveros and I watched while Detective Harper lit into him. The A.D.A watched on with a bored expression.

"What are you going to do if something happens?" Captain Oliveros asked quietly.

I looked at him quickly.

"I'm not sure," I whispered back honestly.

I didn't really anticipate anything happening to Herman. We were already getting his protection arrangements in order, but, as usual, my Captain was right. What was I going to do if something happened to Herman? I didn't like him but that didn't mean I wanted him to die either. And if something happened, there was still the possibility me and my officers would be next on a long list of casualties.

No matter what I wasn't endangering my officers' lives like that. I'd rather die than see any of them take the fault. If something happened, I was going to have to make it very clear I was the brains behind this operation. It was the truth. I'd be a coward not to admit that.

"Edward…I know you. Don't get reckless," Oliveros warned me and then entered the interrogation room.

I continued watching Peter Herman. His eyes were wide and his skin was a ghostly shade of white. The lights in the interrogation were doing nothing to help his sickly complexion. They made him look translucent.

I ran a hand through my hair out of frustration. The tapes were still moving and I could hear his whimpers and pleas. He wanted nothing to do with the department. He was determined that if he told us anything, he would die. I sighed heavily and reached into my pocket for my cell phone. I pressed the speed dial and waited. It didn't take long before she answered.

"Hello?" she mumbled groggily.

I glanced at my watch. It was nearing two in the morning. I didn't want to wake her up but we needed to talk. I wanted to make no mistakes; she was still my first priority. I was going to send some officers to patrol her area. All these worries made me torn up with anxiety. I would surely cease to exist if something happened to her. I didn't want her caught up in the tangled mess anymore than necessary.

"Bella?"

"Edward?" she asked with a surprised gasp.

I heard some shifting and a door close. I was going to tell her to go back to sleep.

"Edward?" she whispered again.

"Bella, go back to sleep. I can call you tomorrow," I ordered.

"No! No. You called. It's important. What is it? What happened with Herman?" she continued whispering.

I glanced at the frightened man once again.

"Everything went well. I just wanted to tell you I'm sending some officers over to patrol. Don't be frightened if you see some random men occasionally," I chuckled awkwardly.

"When will I see _you_?" she breathed.

I closed my eyes and leaned my arm on the tinted glass.

"I want to see you tomorrow but I don't know if I can. Things are really delicate right now. I promise the second I get a chance, I'll call you."

"Edward, please be careful," she begged.

My heart thumped loudly.

"I will."

"Promise me."

My head fell against my arm. I was so exhausted and even though we'd been on the phone for a minute, she was tiring me out.

"I promise," I whispered, "go back to bed."

"Okay."

"Goodnight," I choked out.

"Night," she whispered.

A stray tear fell when she hung up. I wiped my eyes furiously and entered the interrogation room. Captain Oliveros glanced at me and walked out the room with the A.D.A. Detective Harper stepped back and I took the seat across from Herman. His lip was trembling.

"Evening, Councilman," I drawled.

Emmett shifted his eyes between Herman and me.

"Mr. Herman, we have a problem," I began, "I have an unsolved murder and I think you might just be the key to the case."

"I didn't kill anyone!" he insisted and looked at me with wild eyes.

I sat there stoically, completely unmoved by his outburst. If my approach was going to work, I needed to appear calm and levelheaded.

"I understand, Councilman. I don't suspect you; however, I _do_ have a terrible suspicion you might be able to connect me with who did."

"She lied to me! She lied! All I did was a few lines. The money on the table was nothing…nothing!"

I sighed.

"I have no interest in what happened with you and the prostitute you encountered tonight. The public on the other hand," I trailed off and looked at him apologetically.

"Oh God," he cried and placed his head on the desk.

"I can make this all go away if you help me out," I offered.

"I can't! I can't say anything! He'll _kill_ me!"

I rolled my eyes. I was getting impatient. I took out my gun from my holster. I took the safety off and placed the gun on the table.

"So can I, Councilman. The problem with doing that is that if I do…I go to prison for a _very, very_ long time. And I might not even make it the whole way," I shrugged, "inmates love to get fresh meat…especially officers, _politicians_…"

"I won't make it out of this office if I say anything!" he whimpered.

"I can guarantee you one thing, Mr. Herman, if you hold your tongue here…you'll go to prison. Think about your wife…your daughter. At least if you're a free man you can protect them. What do you think is going to happen if you go to prison? What's more important to you? Their lives…or yours?"

I leaned back in my chair—satisfied. It was a cruel hand to deal but it was necessary. I wasn't even lying to him. There wasn't much we could do for a man in prison. His family's protection wasn't our responsibility by that point. At least if he was an informant, it was our job to protect him.

Nothing was guaranteed, especially when you were fighting against the mob, but it was better than leaving his family wide open. I worried for Bella. I could only imagine what they'd do to unfortunate Peter Herman's family. Herman stared me in the eye. Even if he was a sneaky rat, he clearly still loved his wife and daughter.

"What do you want?" he whispered.

If I had known those words would seal the fate of his life, mine, and Bella's…I couldn't tell you if I would have stopped him. Selfishness and gluttony were my only justifying motivations. I ended up with everything I wanted…and some things I didn't because of those words.

* * *

"Edward, do you think this blue goes better with those brown and silver glasses I picked out?" Rosalie asked me.

We had been walking around this home furnishing store for the last hour. I wanted to poke my eye out with the fucking fork she was looking at.

"Rosalie…_I don't care_," I said for the 100th time.

If I would have known this idea was going to lead me to this torture I would have changed my mind. I would have met Bella in a million different places aside from this fucking store. Everything was overpriced and Emmett wouldn't care about half the things Rosalie bought anyway. As long as the food was good…Emmett could give a crap what it was served on.

"You're such a dick sometimes, Edward," Rosalie huffed and rolled her eyes.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and utilized some of the stress-relieving exercises my therapist suggested. I sighed and pushed away the negative energy. I followed Rosalie down another aisle when I noticed her. She was coming through the sliding doors of the store and the wind blew her hair slightly. It felt like a ram had charged me in the stomach. The air left my lungs in a whoosh and I forgot to breathe.

She was ethereal.

Her cheeks were tinted with pink, most likely from the cold air, and her nose was a delicate peach. I wanted to Eskimo kiss her for the rest of my goddamned life at that moment. Her eyes were darting around anxiously. I knew she was looking for me but I didn't want to address her yet. I loved watching her like this. She was completely open and honest. The walls weren't up. The lines weren't drawn.

"Oh, look! It's Isabella!" Rosalie grinned and pushed her cart down the aisle.

I wanted to kill her for ruining the moment. Irritation was the only word coming to mind.

"Iz!" Rosalie called out.

Bella's head jerked and she found us quickly. She smiled beautifully. I grinned in response and walked forward.

"Hey guys," she breathed.

"Hi," Rosalie and I said in unison.

We all chuckled awkwardly and stood there.

"So, do you have a place of your own?" Rosalie interrupted the uncomfortable silence and continued down another aisle.

I couldn't believe we hadn't seen every inch of this store already. I'd been here long enough. I fell into step with Bella, while we walked behind Rosalie.

"Yes, actually, I own a house…not too far from Edward," she replied.

Bella glanced at me and winked.

"Oh, really?" Rosalie smirked over her shoulder at us.

I glared at her and shoved her forward. She laughed loudly and clucked her tongue. I chanced a look at Bella, and she was staring at the ground. I nudged her shoulder and she looked at me. I winked back and she grinned.

"So, what are you looking for?" Bella asked curiously.

"Oh, nothing in particular. I'm just trying to update the house a little bit. It's all basics and mismatching pieces from when Emmett first moved in. I've been there for a year and haven't done much. I guess I'm just sick of living in a house that looks like a 16-year-old boy decorated it," she laughed to herself.

"Hey, don't make fun of Emmett," I tugged on the back of Rosalie's ponytail playfully.

"Oh, shut it, Edward! You know it's true. You're the only guy I know who decorated his own apartment and it didn't turn out something like Emmett's. If I didn't know you any better, I'd swear you were gay," she retorted.

Bella giggled and I glared at her teasingly. She shrugged and strolled forward, leaving me behind her and Rosalie. I forced my eyes to stay trained to the back of her head. If I looked down south, they'd surely stay glued to her backside the entire time we were in the store. After a while though, it became a problem. I started to imagine me running my hands through her hair while I made love to her. Or worse, if she ever gave me…

_God I wasn't even going to go there._

I exhaled sharply. I was getting annoyed with my lack of self-control. I sat down on a sofa and looked at some of the random magazines they placed for show.

"Hey."

I looked up and Bella was standing there. I shifted from my place on the sofa and allowed her to sit down. She took a magazine of her own and started reading it.

"So, what's been going on?" she spoke quietly.

Ah. So she wanted to do it this way. I started flipping through the magazine while I replied.

"He's been under observation. We got more than we need. Dylan…well, it looks good," I smiled to myself.

"Really?" she sighed happily.

"I promise."

The article 'What Your China Set Says about You' seemed like a good place to idle while we spoke.

"That makes me so happy. I'd hate for justice to be lost on him."

"Have you noticed the others? In your area?"

Everything needed to be vague if we were in public.

"Yeah. Ja-Jay never noticed which is good. I still haven't told him about us. I just…can't…for whatever reason," her voice was full of frustration.

"I understand," I lied.

I never quite understood why she didn't tell Jacob about our working together. She said it had to do with keeping him in the dark as much as possible. She didn't want him more involved than need be, which was understandable, but I didn't really believe it was only because of that. I felt like it had to do more with the fact that it was me. I was sure Jacob would hate her working with me than let's say Emmett.

I couldn't blame him. Look what I had done—fallen in love with his fiancée. I wasn't sorry for it but I couldn't ever fault him for not trusting me. _I_ didn't even trust me at times. I was so close to damning everything to hell and just taking her last week when we were together. My self-control was wavering.

"So Christmas Eve is tomorrow," she added conversationally.

"I know," I mumbled.

"Are you going to Emmett's family's house?"

"Yeah. I have nothing better to do. Besides Esme would flip if I was home alone with take-out on Christmas," I chuckled to myself.

I heard her shut her magazine and I looked at her.

"Who's Esme?" Bella wondered—her eyebrows were inching together.

"My mother," I explained.

She smiled at that.

"I'll bet she's really great," she grinned.

"She is," I sighed.

"Do you miss her?" Bella guessed.

"All the time, but I'm happy for her. She went through a lot. She's happy now."

Bella was going to say something back but Rosalie interrupted.

"Well, we better get going. It looks like it's going to snow."

I groaned and stretched off the couch. I raised my arms above my head and released the tension in my back. I exhaled and glanced at Bella. Her eyes were slightly frantic and were fixed on the coffee table in front of us.

"Are you okay?" I wondered curiously.

Bella looked at me.

"Yeah, fine," she muttered and took off after Rosalie.

_Well that was odd._

I met them at the checkout counter and waited for Rosalie to ring up her items. I shook my head at her when I saw the total. Rosalie rolled her eyes and collected her bags.

"So, how do you plan on explaining this one to Emmett?" I laughed on my way to Rosalie's car.

Rosalie just smirked deviously and unloaded her belongings into her newly acquired red coupe. Bella smiled at her and shifted her eyes between Rosalie and me. I told Rosalie to call me tomorrow and kissed her goodbye. Bella and Rose shared an awkward hug and she took off.

I walked Bella to her car and chatted her up. I didn't have anything of real importance to discuss, but it was an excuse to speak to her and stay longer. I teased her about her antiquated truck and she made fun of my allegiance to my Volvo.

The snow flurries had started to descend and I was mesmerized by the way they fell and melted in Bella's dark hair. Her hair was wavy today. I liked it like this. It had all this volume and it was just _big_. I wanted to thread my fingers into it.

"I guess I should go," she murmured and looked up at the snow.

I sighed.

"I should too."

I couldn't make my feet move and I noticed her hesitation too. We just stared at each other. There was this intense anticipation of _something_.

"Bye, Edward," she whispered and sank her key into the door.

I started to move back and walk away. It was torture leaving her but I knew I needed to. I kept having these errant fantasies of pressing her against her shitty truck and kissing her in the snow. While I stalked away, I realized something.

"Wait!" I shouted and turned around.

Bella was frozen in her driver's seat. Her leg was still hanging out the door and her eyes were wide. I met her by the open door and stared at her intensely.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow for La Push?" I asked.

I knew she and Jacob were flying there. With the weather being so uncertain, they didn't want to risk driving in her truck. I was so beyond obsessed I even knew what time they were landing in Port Angeles. It was sick.

"Um, around 11:30. Why?"

"Can I see you tomorrow? Before you leave? Can I meet you in the park?"

Bella blinked and her mouth fell open.

"I, um, yeah. Of course," she shook her head to collect her thoughts.

"Meet me at 9."

"Okay," she nodded.

I nodded back and walked away determinedly. I slipped into my car without another look behind and started the engine. I heard her truck roar and I waited. It would be weird if I followed her. We lived in the same area. I waited until she was long gone from the parking lot and pulled out. I seemed to let out a breath I was unconsciously holding as well. Tomorrow I would do it. I would give her the bracelet.

So I woke up the next morning and made sure I was clean-shaven. I was dressed in my nicest jeans and what I figured was a nice coat—the snow was falling steadily now—and grabbed coffee for Bella. I got them both black. I figured I'd give her the cream and sugar the barista included in the bag if she needed it. I walked to the park, brushed some snow away, and sat on an empty bench while I waited.

I knew she would be here but for some reason I still held this dread that she might not show up. The bracelet felt like it weighed a hundred pounds in the pocket of my coat. My nose was turning pink and my cheeks were windblown. I was sure my hair was in disarray. In my pathetic attempt to look nice for her, I only thought a scarf and gloves would look good. It was a dumb idea but I lived with it.

I took a sip of my coffee and relished the feeling of it going down my throat. It was freezing. I had picked a hell of a day to meet Bella outside. I glanced up and noticed her walking towards me from across the park. She was wearing jeans and a pea coat. I envied her for a moment. She was wearing a scarf, gloves, and a beanie.

When I caught her eye, she smiled and walked a little faster. My heartbeat started to beat faster as well. All I could think about was the bracelet in my pocket. What if she hated it? What if I crossed the line? I couldn't handle not being at least friends with her.

"Hi," she breathed and sat down next to me excitedly.

"You look anxious," I commented and handed her the coffee.

"I'm excited. It's Christmas!" she grinned.

"Do you need cream or sugar?" I waved the bag at her.

"No, I drink my coffee black….Thanks to Charlie," Bella winked.

I smiled in spite of myself. She really _was_ the daughter of an officer.

"So what's there to tell me?" she looked at me expectantly and drank some of her coffee.

I stared at her for a moment. I hesitated. Her face was tinged with pink and her eyes were alight. I wasn't sure if I'd ever seen her so lively before. The chestnut of her hair was accented by the navy coat she wore. I'd never noticed before but she had slight hints of gold running through it. Bella's lips were parted, in anticipation, for me to respond. Her lashes hovered over her eyes delicately. They were so long and full.

"I have something for you," I began despite the sudden dryness in my mouth.

"Really?" she grinned.

I set my coffee down in the snow and reached into my pocket.

This was it.

I opened my palm and revealed the sterling silver bracelet to Bella. The red in the lips and rose charms were brilliant against the blackness of my glove. The yellow of the star stuck out marvelously. I heard her gasp a bit and I finally looked at her. Her mouth was open, and her eyes were full of confusion and surprise. She couldn't really tell but my hand was shaking. I was afraid at any minute I might drop the bracelet.

"Edward, I…"

"You don't have to say anything. You don't have to accept it," I whispered despite my agony.

I was hurt she didn't seem to like it more but I understood. My eyes fell to the snow.

"No," Bella argued.

I looked back at her, shocked by the insistence in her voice.

"I love it. It's beautiful," she assured me with a smile and reached for the bracelet.

Bella held it between her fingers and admired it for a moment. My heart was ready to combust with how much larger her smile grew while she looked at the bracelet.

"Did you choose the charms?" she wondered while stayed fixated on the bracelet.

"No. I saw it in Alice's shop and I don't know…I just thought you might like it. It reminded me of you," I replied quietly.

We looked at each other then. A million different thoughts seem to be expressed in Bella's eyes. There was a hint of something she wanted to say but didn't for whatever reason. I wanted her to tell me, but it seemed like a secret she was going to keep for herself. I didn't mind. I was keeping a huge secret of my own. I was deeply and irrevocably in love with her. I didn't know if many secrets could top that.

"Thank you so much, Edward," she whispered after a long time.

"You're more than welcome," I said.

She sighed.

"I wish I had known we were exchanging gifts. I would have gotten you something," she admitted through her frustration.

Bella bit her lip and scowled at the snow, displeased with her misfortune of not considering the idea. It didn't bother me one bit. She'd given me her, and that was all the gift I needed for the rest of my life. I could end up down and out tomorrow and still be a happy man to have her in my life. It didn't matter in what capacity, and that was why I didn't push her.

It meant more to me to have her, than to do something silly like declare my undying love for her and complicate her life. I came with too much baggage—too much danger. It meant more to me to have her, than to endanger her or love her briefly. Everything about me was unstable. She deserved more. She deserved better.

"I don't mind. I'm sorry that I was so forward. I don't expect anything in return. The fact you like it is enough," I consoled her.

"No, I love it," she maintained.

I nodded and smiled at her. Bella smiled back and seemed to want to hug me or something similar. It was almost an unspoken agreement we never got that close. There was an undercurrent of danger when our proximity became too close. Any time I got too close, it seemed like a buzzing sound was going off. The closer I got, the more frantic the buzzing became. It was best to leave those waters uncharted for now.

I brushed a hair from her cheek and grazed her cheekbone. Her eyes closed for a moment and fluttered back open. Even though I didn't want to, I returned my hand. To the passerby we probably looked like a couple and that's the last thing I needed.

"I should go. You probably have things to do before you leave and I don't want to keep you. I'm sure Jacob is waiting on you," I mumbled.

"I don't want to leave just yet," she confessed

I nodded understandingly and grabbed my coffee. I drank some more and glanced at her from the corner of my eye. The bracelet was now sitting on her left wrist, while she drank her coffee. I smiled to myself and sighed.

"What are you going to tell him?"

Bella's eyes tightened marginally.

"I told him I had to run into the office and meet with my editor. We're not really on the best of terms right now anyway," Bella murmured.

I blinked and looked at her in surprise. She shrugged and looked back at the snow. It seemed to agitate her so I didn't press. It clearly upset her to be having problems with him, and as much as that pleased me, it bothered me more that it dampened her mood.

"So, what did you ask for this Christmas?" I smirked.

Bella laughed to herself and shook her head.

"I'd rather not say," she replied coyly.

I arched an eyebrow at her and looked at her suspiciously. She looked at me with an expression that said 'don't even ask.' So I didn't. When it neared ten thirty, I decided we should leave. Bella still didn't want to leave but I made an executive decision.

We walked to the park entrance, but not without Bella nearly falling on the ice and snow more times than should be considered reasonable. I had never really realized the extent of just how clumsy she was. Her giggles and grip on my forearm each time she nearly collapsed had me in a laughing fit of my own. As I stood there with her at our midpoint, I decided to test another boundary.

"Will you text me when you land?" I asked, "Just to make sure you're safe," I clarified.

She smiled at me and nodded. I grinned back and brushed her flyaways once again.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," I whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

I went to dinner with Emmett and Rosalie that night. It was a trip. Emmett's mom cooked enough food for a starving army, and his dad was characteristically inappropriate and let anything fly out of his mouth. He was never crass but there were some things I just couldn't believe he actually said out loud.

Rosalie was nearly blue in the face from laughter, and Emmett's mom was un-amused throughout the entire dinner. It didn't help that Emmett egged him on. Those two were like Abbott and Costello. I could understand her tedium after being married to Emmett Sr. for 28 years and after having Emmett Jr. as a son.

When I climbed into bed that night, I fell in with a smile. It had become habit throughout the entire day to glance at the text message in my inbox.

_Landed safely—wish I was back in the park ;)_

_-Bella_

I wished we were back in the park too. It felt like a little bubble of ours. I lay in bed thinking of what it would have been like to kiss her in the park. At some point in my daydreaming, I started to _actually_ dream.

The dream I had that night haunted me for the days after Christmas and the week Bella was away. I found myself getting lost in the memory of the dream at work, while eating, reading. No man would envy my love. It was beautiful but it was taxing.

It was the day before New Year's Eve and I was waiting for Jasper and Alice in the airport. While I sat waiting, the dream came back to me as I watched the people walk past me in a hurry. It reminded me of the way she seemed to float in my dream.

I was sitting on a beach; it was a late hour, sometime after midnight. I knew I was dreaming because I hadn't been to a beach like this since spring break during college. The sand was so soft—it fell through my fingers like air—and was an opaque white despite the moonlight above.

The waves were crashing softly against the shore. I didn't know what I was doing at this beach but I had this feeling I needed to stay here. I was waiting for something. I glanced across the horizon, and when my eyes focused in on the shoreline—I saw her.

She was walking towards me, a serene smile on her face. She was wearing a delicate knee-length white dress. The poise in her strides made it seem like she was floating. When she reached me, I looked up at her in awe. Her face was calm and relaxed. She fell to her knees in front of me and we stared at each other. We were eye level now. I leaned forward and cupped her cheek.

"Bella," I sighed her name.

Bella leaned into my palm and pressed a whisper of a kiss to my skin.

"Edward, I know now. I know it's you. I want you," she replied softly.

Bella leaned in and pressed her lips to my own. The determination behind them was undeniable.

"I love you," she mumbled against my lips.

My reply was…

"EDWARD!" I heard a bell-like voice squeal.

…cockblocked by Alice.

I shook my head and Alice was beaming at me. I stood up and cleared my head. I gave her a hug and squeezed her tightly. I was annoyed she'd ruined my little dream but if there was anyone I could forgive for doing so, it was Alice. She had been the genius behind the bracelet. It was because of her that Bella was wearing my bracelet. No matter what, I was with her.

* * *

Review, please! This was a long one and I'm dying to know what you think about the whole bracelet scene...


	22. Chapter 22

Hey, everyone! We made it way past 1000 reviews. I still can't believe it. Thank you for being so understanding about my new review reply policy. It makes me feel really appreciated ;)

This chapter is a long one. The ending is abrupt and dramatic. I won't lie to you. And I also should say this now: I'm not sure if I can update again so soon. I have a very important research paper to work on right now, since the semester is winding down. I'll also be out of the country (I live in the US) during April 21-27 so don't expect any updates during that time. Thanks in advance! I'm going to try super hard to get at least one more chapter done before I go on vacation.

Chapter Song: In Case I Go Again by Mikey Wax (he's a great, virtually unknown, artist..check him out!)

_I don't own Twilight, but I do own a surfer-dude named Will ;)_

* * *

**Bella's POV**

The plane ride was something of a soothing melody; to which I could replay all the memories of the last two weeks. The tension between Jacob and I left room for a deafening silence that made me face all my thoughts, desires, guilt, frustration, elation, and confusion—amongst a sea of other combating emotions.

I glanced down at the awe-inspiring bracelet Edward gave me often, and each time I did a wave of muted adoration and affection flowed through me. Jacob had noticed the bracelet when I came back and asked me about it. I was perturbed with how easily my lie came.

I wasn't the type of person who lied easily to the ones she loved. But then again, I was hardly the person I used to be compared to the one I was today. The changes were drastic but veiled expertly. No one was aware of my growing attraction and affection towards Edward. At some point in our relationship, I had developed feelings that extended far beyond what was considered platonic. I was emotionally cheating on Jacob.

I could remember with clarity the night he proposed to me. I was shocked to my core with how sudden the gesture came. We had discussed the possibility only weeks earlier and it seemed like we wouldn't be crossing that bridge anytime soon. So when he lowered himself to his knee and his earnest brown eyes pled with mine to do him the honor of becoming his wife, my heart lurched and I nearly choked on air.

I forgot how to breathe or how to make use of basic motor function. It wasn't supposed to happen, especially that night. It wasn't supposed to happen the night that my feelings took off in a new direction while I sat on the lonely bench with Edward.

When he touched my face and looked in my eyes with unmasked suffering. I could see how much he was in pain and I was desperate to relieve him of it. I wanted to know what the cause was. I knew it was related to me. At first I had assumed he was still angry with me, but when he assured me my lie was long forgotten…I knew it was something more.

_As he stalked away from the table, my heart broke for him. I wanted nothing more than to run after him and ease his pain. I couldn't. He was mad at me, I reminded myself. Jacob held onto me tightly and I felt disgusting for being bothered by his affection. He was my _boyfriend_. It wasn't supposed to be like this. _

_I wanted it to go away. I didn't want to care for Edward so much. When Rosalie stole Jacob away to dance, I left. After his jokes, Emmett gave me that knowing, non-judgmental sigh, and I took off. He was easy to find. Edward rubbed his eyes furiously with his palms. I felt so small._

"_Edward?" _

_He looked up immediately. His eyes drank me in, and in that moment I'd never felt lovelier. I felt so appreciated—so beautiful. His darkened green eyes were honest and sincere._

"_You look beautiful," he whispered._

_I swallowed back the saliva that was threatening to clog up my throat. I looked at the floor in embarrassment. It was one thing to feel beautiful, and it was entirely another thing for him to tell me so._

"_I am so sorry," I whispered._

_I continued to stare at my feet. I remembered why I had come to find him. I needed to apologize. I had never meant to hurt him and betray his trust. I wanted to be honest with him, but it wasn't the right moment. He was so...fragile._

"_Sorry for what?" Edward asked in wonder._

"_For lying to you."_

"_Oh, Bella…"_

_I looked at him abruptly. He had called me by my name. Not my fake name. But he had called me Bella. It warmed my heart to have him call me that and it not sound like an expletive. He wanted to call me Bella._

"_Bella, you have nothing to be sorry for. It was my fault. I overreacted. I probably worried you. I didn't mean to. I was just…stupid," Edward sighed._

_I walked forward without thinking and sat next to me. I kept a safe distance despite the urge to crawl into his lap and stay in his arms. I felt so strangely safe with Edward. And now I felt even more relaxed with his seeming acceptance of my apology. _

"_Isn't Jacob wondering where you are?"_

_I smiled despite myself. It was small and barely enough to register._

"_No. I can't dance. Rosalie offered so he's out there with her. Jacob loves to dance. Actually Emmett laughed at me for not knowing how to dance," I smirked._

_I was a horrific dancer._

"_Emmett's covering?" he guessed easily._

"_I guess…" I shrugged, "what's wrong with you tonight?" I blurted out without thinking._

_I didn't want to upset him, but I wanted to know what bothered him. I had an unyielding desire to help. Edward tensed beside me and stood quiet. It seemed like an eternity had passed before he answered. I was literally waiting on the edge of my seat._

"_I just…a lot has happened to me tonight. I wouldn't even be able to begin to explain."_

_I nodded and didn't respond. I wasn't sure how to and I didn't think there would be a right response to begin with. I wasn't going to share unsolicited advice or useless words that wouldn't mean much anyway._

"_Jacob still doesn't know about us," I whispered._

_I was going slack at the mouth and revealing all my secrets. When he didn't respond or acknowledge my statement, I decided to break the tension. I didn't like tension with Edward. It bothered me to an unhealthy degree. It made me hyper-aware of my actions, and made me question any guilt I might be responsible for._

"_Edward?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_I'll kill you if you ever leave like that again," I half-snorted and laughed._

_It was torture to have him away. I was thrilled when he smiled. It was small but meaningful. I missed his smile. Anything that resembled it made me truly _happy_._

"_I promise I won't. Not ever again," Edward promised._

_I grabbed his strong hand in mine and squeezed it as tightly as I could. I was here with him. I was always with him when he wanted me._

"_I'm sorry I didn't call. I was just afraid you might hate me still. I was still afraid even just now," I confessed._

"_Bella, I could have called too. I didn't. It was cowardly and silly but still…I didn't. Stop apologizing. You've done nothing wrong," Edward insisted._

_I didn't agree. He left Seattle because of me. I had done a lot of things wrong. I couldn't take them back, but that didn't mean he could. _

"_But I did! I should have told you!" I argued back._

"_It's in the past. Let's just move on and forget it. Please?" Edward turned to stare at me._

_I nodded and stared back at him. I took an inventory of how dazzling he looked tonight. I'd only seen him this dressed up on Halloween, and even then it was different. In the pale moonlight that broke through the art gallery, the planes of his face were severe but hauntingly beautiful. His eyes were glassy and hard but nonetheless lovely. I was in awe of how perfect he looked._

"_You look really nice tonight too," I mumbled, still not having a filter._

_Edward smiled his broad crooked smile and my heart hammered in my chest. He tilted my chin up and made me look at him._

"_Hey, we're not doing the sad thing. It's your father's big night and it's unbefitting to have a sad face on. Besides you're a woman…don't you guys freak out over frown lines and stuff?" he joked._

_I smiled widely and rolled my eyes. Edward gestured to the artwork across from us and made a displeased face. His nose was wrinkled and his eyes were narrow._

"_Do you really agree with Jacob about that artwork?" Edward asked._

_I paused and thought about the irony of his question._

"_I hate art," I smiled._

_Edward chuckled lowly and tilted his head back against the wall. There was a long silence._

"_Don't you ever wish things could be easier sometimes?" he asked quietly._

_And suddenly he was speaking directly to my heart._

"_Yes," I choked out._

That was the first day I knew I wouldn't see Edward as just a coworker anymore. I couldn't quite be sure then if I was really in love or something of the sort, but I knew there was something more than a friendship. My concern for him and his well-being extended beyond the necessary, I had no will to stop it.

The invisible tug between Edward and I, the tug that complicated my existence further, yanked me down an untraveled road so fast I had trouble staying upright. I fingered the newly familiar lightning bolt charm and allowed the pads of my fingers to graze the miniscule diamonds. The feeling felt normal and reassuring. It was a sense of comfort that was new, but I fell into easily.

"Bella, we have to get off the plane," Jacob chuckled anxiously.

I fixed my eyes on his and saw his expectant gaze. I smiled meekly at him and stood up. We had basically called a truce before leaving the house. We were having problems, but that didn't mean we had to bring down the entire spirit at Billy's house. It was Christmas Eve, and there was hardly any need to affect the mood with our turmoil.

I went through the motions of leaving the airport, picking up our rental car, without real thought. I just followed Jacob, and stared off into space while he handled all of our arrangements.

"Oh! What a lovely ring," a female voice noted.

Jacob nudged me and I looked at him.

"Huh?" I asked him.

"Bella, this woman likes your ring," he looked at me with confusion.

I looked over at the young woman and she was grinning. I managed a weak smile and responded with a quiet thank you. My nostrils started to burn with the tears that I wanted to shed. I couldn't look at my engagement ring without feeling trapped and guilty. Two memories flooded my mind each time I looked at the stupid ring. I thought of Edward's shock and Jacob's love.

_Jacob led me to the deck of the house he had rented for us. We were spending the weekend at a lake house in Tacoma. The house was much too big to be considered average but quaint-enough to be less gaudy than a mansion. The deck was covered with twinkling Christmas lights and the moon shone softly on the still lake. _

_I sighed when I reached the balcony and breathed in deeply. The air had a cool bite to it that kept me awake and invigorated. I was doing everything in my power to enjoy the moment, to remind myself that I was here with Jacob. He was what I wanted. He was my future. I loved him._

"_Bella," Jacob whispered from behind me._

_Startled, I turned around and he walked to me slowly. There was a heavy anticipation in the air. I thought he was going to kiss me or something. Once he was close to me, he lowered himself to his knee. Even then, I didn't expect it. I was about to open my mouth and rebuke him for doing something so risqué outside, but he reached into his pocket and retrieved the black velvet box. _

_My heart stopped. __And my hands began to tremble. I dug my nails into the wooden balcony to keep from fainting. Jacob smiled and swallowed nervously._

"_Bella, I…I know you probably weren't expecting this but I can't wait any longer. I love you more than words can say. Please, make me the happiest man that ever lived and be my wife. Marry me," he begged._

_The words sounded like an echo. My eyes were clouded with unshed tears and the color had completely drained from my face. I was sure, even despite the air, I looked ashen and sick. I couldn't comprehend. I was dreaming. He wasn't asking this of me. Not now. Not yet. I stared at him helplessly. I needed him to tell me this was a dream. I wasn't ready yet. I loved him, but I wasn't sure anymore._

"_Bella, _please_ say something," Jacob's voice broke._

_In the moment his voice broke, so did my heart. He was my Jacob again—the young boy who used to be the definition of persistence. He was the one who didn't make me feel strange and socially defective. I trusted him, and gave him all of me. _

_He took care of it. He held my heart carefully. He'd never done anything to make me doubt that. I knew he loved me, so why I was doubting my love for him? What was I doing?! I needed to say yes. He deserved my answer. There would be no better choice for me._

"_Yes," I croaked and squeezed my eyes shut as the sobs rocked me._

_I felt his strong arms wrap around me, comforting me. I wanted to kick myself. He didn't need to comfort me. I should be the one comforting him. He was 100% sure about us and I wasn't giving the same in return. I needed to let this fascination with Edward go. It was never stable. He hated me one week and then liked me the next. It was unrealistic. It would never work with him. I wasn't in love with Edward Masen. I was marrying Jacob Black. He was supposed to be 'the one.'_

I sat in the passenger seat of the sedan Jacob rented. The radio was playing a song I knew neither of us had any desire to listen to. All I could think about now was how I had silently pleaded with Edward that day in his office to intervene. I needed him to tell me it would work with him. He loved me and I could love him back. I could give him my trust and heart. I needed to know he was feeling the same way.

But he was cold. He was short-tempered with me and terse. Physically pushing me out of his office wouldn't have made the message any clearer. His words and demeanor spokes volumes. And even still…I couldn't stay away. I thought about him almost every second I had to myself. I called him and practically guilt-tripped him into taking me to see Marie.

The whole trip was a conundrum. I found it so easy to be around him. The callousness, once carefully stripped away, was nonexistent. The car ride was pleasant. The lunch was memorable. The car ride home was tense. All his meticulously constructed walls crumbled, and I realized it was a tool. In his office, in front of others, and even to himself, he pretended.

We could be ourselves around each other. It was natural and easy. I knew it wouldn't last past the trip but it gave me a little glimmer of hope. Maybe there was hope for something with Edward. And then I forced away those thoughts. I was engaged to Jacob.

When he came home the next day from his business trip, I was reminded of that fact. There was no hiding my engagement ring any longer. I couldn't pretend the same way Edward did. Being Jacob's fiancée was my role, I needed to accept that.

But of course I couldn't. I was insatiable. I wanted both of them so painfully that it was acute to the point of death. I was forcing the two pieces of myself together and the entire puzzle was coming apart. My efforts were useless, yet I continued forward. I was being so disgustingly selfish that I hardly recognized myself any longer. I was beyond lost.

I knew only one piece of me would be able to be salvaged from the wreck that was becoming my life, but I still I continued to work furiously and avoid the verdict. I did things like promise Jacob that I was fine, and that my preoccupation and sudden mood swings were a result of work-related stress. It was true, but I never bothered to correct him when he assumed it had to do with my work at the newspaper.

And I did things like meet Edward at the home furnishing store with Rosalie. I blushed when he smiled at me, and I stole a peek at his defined, pale stomach. I burned when he smoldered at me through his intense green eyes and asked me to meet him at the park. And I did things like accept a bracelet from a man more easily than I could wear my own damn engagement ring. My thoughts involuntarily and almost instinctively returned to just hours earlier in the park.

"_Hi," I greeted, slightly out of breath._

"_You look anxious," Edward noted and handed me a coffee._

"_I'm excited. It's Christmas!" I exclaimed and gestured to the snow._

_I loved Christmas._

"_Do you need cream or sugar?" Edward asked and waved a brown paper bag at me. I shook my head._

"_No, I drink my coffee black….Thanks to Charlie," I winked._

_He smiled and seemed to be thinking of something. I didn't ask. It seemed like a private joke._

"_So what's there to tell me?" I wondered._

_Edward stared at me for a long moment. The way he studied my face made me think of the night of the banquet. The way he drank in my features with a silent awe. It made me feel downright glowing. I knew it had to be the look of a man who cared. He wouldn't look at me that way unless he cared._

"_I have something for you."_

"_Really?" I grinned with excitement._

_I wasn't sure what it was. I was expecting something along the lines of a warrant for an arrest. I didn't care who it was for. Danny Fiori. Dylan's murderer. Whoever. Edward set his coffee down and reached into his pocket. He placed his hand between us, stared at it, and then opened his clenched fingers. I looked down and was in shock of the sterling silver bracelet he had in the palm of his large hand. _

_The red lips and yellow star caught my eyes immediately. I was so confused. Were we supposed to be exchanging gifts? I felt terrible. There were so many things that reminded me of him, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to get him something. I poised my mouth to respond. I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to. I was in awe of the lovely bracelet before me._

"_Edward, I…"_

"_You don't have to say anything. You don't have to accept it," he whispered._

_He seemed hurt. NO!_

"_No," I argued._

_His head snapped back up and he looked at me in surprise. I didn't realize how loud I had been._

"_I love it. It's beautiful," I smiled and took the bracelet from him._

_I held it between my fingers and stared at it. It was so beautiful and it was mine. From Edward._

"_Did you choose the charms?" I mused, while I studied each charm. The lightning bolt was by far my favorite._

"_No. I saw it in Alice's shop and I don't know…I just thought you might like it. It reminded me of you," Edward replied quietly._

_We looked at each other then. I couldn't believe he'd been honest about that. If he saw it in Alice's shop that had to mean he saw it over Thanksgiving. Had he been ready to forgive me even then? _

_I wanted to punch him for making me worry when, in fact, he'd been long over our confrontation. And I also wanted to wrap myself in his arms and lay my head on his strong chest for thinking of me even then. That was one of the things I enjoyed so much about Edward. He was so unconsciously loving and thoughtful. It was one of the many things he didn't realize about himself._

"_Thank you so much, Edward," I whispered after my thoughts brought me back to the present._

"_You're more than welcome," he smiled a faint resemblance of his crooked smile._

_I sighed._

"_I wish I had known we were exchanging gifts. I would have gotten you something," I grumbled._

_I was rather peeved. I always found myself wondering if he might enjoy something when I went out. It was irritating that I didn't have the foresight to get him something anyway and have it turn out just as well as what had transpired between us today. _

_I wanted to give Edward more than material things as well. I wanted him to see what a truly loving and good individual he was. I would give him whatever he wanted for him to see that. He was always in a perpetual state of self-loathing. I wanted to reverse the dark cloud that hung over him so badly that it hurt._

"_I don't mind. I'm sorry that I was so forward. I don't expect anything in return. The fact you like it is enough," he reassured me._

"_No, I love it," I corrected._

_Edward nodded and smiled. I smiled back and stared at him. I wanted to hug him but I was afraid I'd never leave his arms again if I made it anywhere near that territory. It was this silent agreement that we never got close. We were emotionally much too close than was healthy and the physical equivalent would just push things to the point of no return. I had no desire of complicating this situation even further. So I wouldn't bother. _

_Very slowly but surprisingly, Edward brushed a hair from my cheek. My eyes involuntarily closed for a moment. They fluttered back open when I realized how I probably looked. I didn't need Edward to know just how affected I was by his simple touches. He seemed to reluctantly return his hand. _

"_I should go. You probably have things to do before you leave and I don't want to keep you. I'm sure Jacob is waiting on you," Edward mumbled._

"_I don't want to leave just yet," I admitted and silently begged him to stay with me._

_This was my new favorite place in the entire world. Here alone with Edward. I was so happy I was sure I could burst. Edward nodded in agreement and grabbed his coffee. We sat and drank in silence. I was never sure if he caught the way I stared at his profile, or the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed, but he never commented. _

_I had added the bracelet to my left wrist while he stared off into space. I didn't even hesitate as I slipped it past my engagement ring to leave it on my wrist. I wanted to keep it there forever. I heard Edward sigh._

"_What are you going to tell him?"_

_My eyes narrowed. Jacob and I were still drowning in tension. His patience with my distance and alienation was wearing thin._

"_I told him I had to run into the office and meet with my editor. We're not really on the best of terms right now anyway," I murmured._

_Edward looked at me with unashamed shock. I shrugged and looked back at the snow. I didn't really want to talk about him. The thought of Jacob was dimming the bright light of this haven with Edward. This was my time with him. I didn't want Jacob tarnishing it._

"_So, what did you ask for this Christmas?" Edward asked suddenly and smirked._

_I laughed to myself and shook my head. It was a slightly hysterical sound. If only Edward knew what I wanted for Christmas…_

"_I'd rather not say," I was purposely evasive._

_Edward arched a perfect eyebrow at me. He didn't seem to be buying what I was selling. I gave him a look, hoping to convey just how much I didn't want to continue this conversation. I would certainly die of embarrassment if Edward knew just how juvenile my thoughts about him were at times. _

_The exhilaration of this new relationship with Edward made me feel like I was in high school all over again. I felt the butterflies and perspiration. I said the not-so-smooth responses, and continued to be an utter failure at being witty when it counted. _

_A while later when we were all out of excuses to continue staying, Edward suggested we leave. I was still hesitant but Edward was insistent and it was practically impossible to resist him anyway. We walked to the park entrance, and, of course, I caught every patch of ice I'd managed to avoid on my way in. I couldn't even be preoccupied with embarrassment because I was too busy falling every four feet. _

_I gripped Edward's forearm tightly each time while I giggled and he laughed. I was hysterical. When we finally got the point where I couldn't continue, we stood and prolonged the goodbye. We didn't want to leave each other and it warmed me from my toes to my scalp to know he felt the same way about leaving._

"_Will you text me when you land?" Edward asked, "Just to make sure you're safe," he amended when he took note of my surprise._

_I smiled and nodded. I'd give him anything he asked for. Edward gave me one last crooked smile and brushed my flyaways once again. I wanted to grab his hand and force him to stay with me forever. To hell with the world!_

"_Merry Christmas, Bella," Edward whispered._

"_Merry Christmas, Edward."_

I didn't even register the silent tears that had escaped as I stared out the window. I brushed them away carefully, not drawing attention to the fact I was crying. Once I composed myself, I glanced at Jacob. He looked much older than he was. I could tell the stress and anxiety was wearing on him. His jaw was firm and clenched into place. His eyebrows were formed together, making dark shadows over his eyes. He looked downright scary.

I looked at the floor of the car remorsefully. I hated to be breaking his heart this way. I loved him. I truly did. But I wasn't sure if my love was stronger than this pull between Edward and I. I was tired of pushing it away. And maybe it was because I wasn't supposed to.

When we arrived at Billy's house I was shocked. The entire trip had passed me by. I felt trapped inside my own body. I felt like I was prisoner to this person I didn't want to be anymore. It didn't even have to do with my desire to be with Edward in our park. I was tired of the double life. The lies were exhausting, the guilt was draining. I just wanted out of everything. Billy was wheeled out the front door by Paul, with Rachel trailing behind. Jacob still sat in the car with me.

"Bella, I don't know what's going on anymore, but please don't ruin Christmas. I haven't seen Rebecca and Will in a long time. Please, for me, just get through this," he asked and I would have sworn he was about to cry.

I clenched my eyes shut and fought back the tears. I nodded vigorously so he knew I agreed. I couldn't speak. I might sob or scream if I did. He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car quickly. I did the same and closed the door behind me. I could see the mask Jacob slipped on as soon as he crossed the grass to meet his sisters and father.

I stood by the car awkwardly and stared at my feet. I could hear Rebecca oohing and ahhing after her brother. Paul's trademark laughter cut through the quiet conversation. I looked up at Jacob and saw how happy he looked. I knew I couldn't give him that anymore. The truth fell into my lap like an anvil. It was heavy and unavoidable.

"Bella!" Rachel called and waved me over.

Rebecca's eyes widened and she ran forward.

"Bella Swan! You don't even look like yourself. You're so grown-up," Rebecca gushed.

It was blurry from then on. I was passed between arms after set of arms. I was never really conscious of who I was speaking to, what we were discussing. It was auto-pilot again. I saw the burning man underneath Jacob's accurately placed grins and wide eyes. I felt like such a fool. How could I let it get this far?

When Rebecca and Rachel squealed over my engagement ring, I felt wrong. And I felt even more wrong when they noticed the beautiful bracelet sitting on my wrist. The smiles were forced, the laughs nearly choked on. I was suffocating and no one knew. I was smothering myself.

It was a product of all the wrong choices I'd made. The mistakes I'd committed in an effort to evade the new direction my life had taken off in. I didn't even have a say in the matter. I knew this thing with Edward was beyond us. There was no more logic to be considered or analyzing to be done. It was out of our hands. We couldn't stay away from each other if we wanted to.

When it got late, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get out. I could feel my breathing come more rapidly. I was literally suffocating in this small house. I told Jacob I needed to get some air. His sisters and soon-to-be-brother-in-laws smiled understandingly. Somehow Jacob and I had managed to fool everyone for the last few hours. Billy was fast asleep.

I drove and drove until I arrived at First Beach. It was snowing. The water looked frigid and I half-considered jumping in just for the shock. I was a shell of the person I'd been this morning with Edward. I wasn't lying when I'd sent him that text message earlier in the afternoon about wanting to be in the park. The closest resemblance of the happy person I'd always been was when I was with Edward. At some point I'd lost that with Jacob.

I looked at my watch and it was past midnight. It was technically Christmas now.

"Merry freakin' Christmas," I muttered to myself and cried.

I sat down on a piece of driftwood and hugged my knees to my chest. The water crashed against the shore—almost disturbingly—calmly. The sand was covered with white. The horizon before me was completely pitch black. I took it symbolically in my cynical and angry perspective.

My tears were fierce and nearly painful because of the bitter chill and the moisture. I took the pain gladly. It felt like small reparations for my poor choices and selfishness over these last few months. The damage I'd done was past fixable.

I cried for many things. I cried for Jacob and his pain. I cried for Edward and the sure agony he'd been facing these last few months— even agony that didn't have to do with me—like Vanessa's death. And I most of all I cried for myself.

I was completely and utterly alone. It was no fault but my own. I had no girlfriend to talk to. No friend I could call at this ungodly hour and vent to with an unbiased opinion. I wanted someone and had no one. I forced myself into this corner, because I loved Edward. I loved him deeply and unchangeably. And I finally admitted it to myself out loud. I couldn't avoid it anymore. Because when you were alone…there was nothing to avoid.

I knew. I was certain.

I was in love with Edward Masen.

* * *

I sat in the library and drummed my nails against the table idly. I was waiting for Edward and he was late. It was unlike him. Jacob had called while I waited to make sure I was okay. I knew he didn't really care about my answer. It was the same basic one I'd given him since before everything that happened on Christmas. Things had become even more dismal since I had finally realized how in love I was with Edward.

Jacob didn't expect a change. He just asked because, even still, he wanted to make sure. I looked up and Edward was walking at a brisk pace through the library. I was shocked by how flushed his cheeks were and how set his face looked. He didn't look like he was in a good mood. I was worried. The last time I'd seen him things had been great. I didn't want to start off on a bad foot after so much progress.

"Bella," he sighed and sat down in the chair next to me.

He looked around anxiously and studied the other patrons. There was a small mother and her child in one aisle and an older man reading a newspaper a few tables away. It was an off time to be at the library.

"How are you?" his eyes implored of mine while his face steadily relaxed.

"I—"

His phone went off.

"Shit," he swore under his breath, "Can you hold that thought?"

Edward stood up quickly and stalked off before he could take the folder he'd placed on the table. I opened my mouth to call after him but he was already whispering harshly and stalking out of the library. I sighed and leaned back in my chair.

I looked at the old man again; his glasses were slipping down his nose. I smiled at his endearing preoccupation and looked back down at the table when he started to lift his head from the paper. The manila folder had what seemed to be photos sticking out of the corner. My curiosity piqued.

I craned my neck and checked to see if Edward was coming. He was still flailing his arms around and seemed to be yelling into his phone. I looked at the old man. He was distracted again, and the woman had disappeared to another aisle. I opened the folder hesitantly. I closed it again and stopped.

What was I doing? The folder said confidential. And I knew Edward wouldn't appreciate my snooping. I bit my lip and debated. I was dying to see the pictures. They were dated from this early morning. I drummed my nails again and decided to hell with it. I grabbed the file and brought it closer to me, just in case. I flipped it open and my breath caught in my throat.

I furiously tried to swallow back the bile that was involuntarily climbing up my throat. I gagged twice and looked around anxiously. The old man was still obliviously reading the newspaper and the rest of the library was empty. My fingers shook violently. The tremors were uncontrollable.

Peter Herman was now a purplish-gray corpse on the grimy wood floor of an apartment that was littered with spilt cocaine. His eyes were lifeless and wide. I could imagine his terror as he was violently murdered and I silently screamed to myself. I couldn't take my eyes off the photos.

His mouth was sewn shut, and the poor job suggested that it had been done while he was still living. It looked like the work of a rusty needle and dirty thread. His body was nude and severely beaten. The beating was probably just a warm-up to what they'd finished him off with. I noticed a couple of ribs were broken and his right middle and index fingers were dislocated.

I dropped the photos when I noticed a part of his manhood was cut off. I pushed the photos inside haphazardly, not caring anymore if Edward noticed and I got caught. I picked up my bag and nearly screamed when Edward was suddenly in front of me.

He looked at the folder and noticed my expression. His eyes widened and he realized what exactly I'd done. I brushed past him hastily and took off to my car. I was surprisingly poised as I nearly ran to my truck.

"Shit, wait! C'mon! Don't leave!" Edward pled as I ran down the stairs and out of the library.

The tears were pulsing furiously. I couldn't let him see me cry. I threw my bag into my truck and threw the hood of my jacket up. I started the engine, and was vaguely aware of Edward beating on the window of my truck. I sped off as fast as my truck allowed and drove home. When I got there I couldn't even believe I'd made it. I parked in the driveway and didn't care that part of my truck was on the lawn.

I grabbed my belongings and ran into the house. I fell to my knees as I slammed the door shut behind me and screamed. I couldn't even be worried if my neighbors had heard. I was panting and heaving. I couldn't believe Peter Herman was dead. It was my entire fault.

If I hadn't pushed Edward so hard about Dylan he would have never gone after Peter Herman. He'd still be alive. He wouldn't be mutilated and _dead_. I started to feel nauseous again so I sprinted to the kitchen and vomited into the sink. I fell to the floor of my kitchen in a heap and hugged my legs to my stomach. I shook violently with sobs and gasped for air. I was suffocating again. I was on the floor for hours before he found me.

"Bella?" Jacob called out anxiously.

I gasped and started to cry harder. I heard his heavy feet run over to me.

"Bella! Bella! What's wrong?!" he asked through his panic.

I gasped and clutched myself to him. He picked me up as if I weighed nothing and carried me to the couch. I wrapped my arms around my body as he sat me down and rocked back and forth. His hands were unrelenting, trying to help me, to figure out what was wrong.

"Bella, honey, you need to tell me what's wrong? Help me fix it!" Jacob begged.

I looked at him. He was crying as well. His eyes were terrified. My breath came out in staggered and uneven gasps.

"Pe-Pe-Peter…Her-Her-Her-Herman is…is dead," I gasped.

His eyes changed. They were confused and pleading.

"Baby, I don't understand," he confessed.

Jacob offered me his arms and tried to hold me to him. He was offering me comfort I didn't deserve. He was offering me comfort and he didn't even know why. I pushed him away and stood up. I nearly stumbled because I was so lightheaded. His arms reached out again and I smacked them away.

"No! No! Don't touch me!" I screamed.

Jacob was bewildered. The terror still painted across his features.

"I just want to help you. Bella, please, let me help you," he pleaded.

I shook my head furiously.

"No! You can't help me. No one can help me! It's my entire fault. You don't even understand," I shouted, "you will _never_ understand!"

And he wouldn't. Jacob would never understand my job. He would never fully understand me. Because even before Edward had shown up, I'd never given Jacob this part of me. Edward had claimed and seen all parts of me before I had even made a conscious decision to.

"Help me to understand. I want to," Jacob implored of me quietly.

I shook my head.

"No. No. I don't want you to."

Before I could even process what I was doing, I had taken off my ring and pushed it into his chest. If Jacob was terrified before he was petrified now. He was completely still and unmoving. The only life seemed to be in his wide, wet, and confused eyes.

"Don't do this," he whispered.

"Jacob, I can't anymore. You don't know me. I'm not the same person I used to be. You don't want to marry me. You have to leave."

Jacob fell to his knees and moaned.

"No, Bella. I love you. Please, just give me something. This is nothing. We've fought before."

"No," I whispered, "it's not the same."

He cried into his hands while the ring sat by his knees now. I was still crying but the shaking had calmed down some.

"I don't want this. Not anymore. Not with you," I said and walked into the kitchen.

* * *

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	23. Chapter 23

The semester is over and I'm back from my trip. Both went well ;) Thanks to everyone who wished me well on my trip and for finals. The summer-writing-schedule is undecided as of yet. I used to post on Mondays or Tuesdays, but I'm not sure if I'll stick with that schedule during the summer...we'll see.

Thanks for all the amazing reviews. Last chapter was the most reviewed chapter of the entire story, passing 100 in one chapter!! It's all a product of supportive readers, new readers, and even those of you who critique the story. I appreciate all of it. I also appreciate anyone who added me to their c2's. I'm a new staff member of a c2 called TWILIGHT'S GREATEST. Check out my profile and skim through the c2, keeping in mind you'll have to adjust the ratings to include M-rated fics.

Many thanks to Aspenleaf who provided me with the ferry idea, and Steph who recommended _Bella and Edward's Infinite Playlist_ on the LYDF blog a few weeks back. I know I have other things to say but I can't remember them all!

Chapter Song: Wonderwall (cover) by Ryan Adams

_I don't own Twilight, but I do have an incredible tan from my vacation ;)_

* * *

_Previously: Bella had just realized she was in love with Edward. She found out about Peter Herman's death. And she also broke up with Jacob..._

**Edward Masen**

"What the fuck do you mean you don't know? How do you not know these things? Do you _do_ your job?" I scoffed.

This morning was a nightmare. I hadn't even left work yet to go home and sleep when I got the call.

Peter Herman was dead.

I almost didn't believe it at first, but when I saw his bruised and discolored body I knew. The coroner had estimated he'd been dead for several hours. I was surprised at how much his death bothered me. I'd seen more dead bodies than any one man should, yet with Herman…it just didn't sit right with me. I felt responsible. It was a bad feeling to have when you needed to be the level-headed Lieutenant-Detective.

The call-center employee I was currently ripping into looked terrified. The now-deceased man had been on high-alert and was being watched. How the fuck could you tell his wife she still had to wait 24 hours like everyone else to file a missing persons report? It was slip-ups like this that had led to his death. Captain Oliveros reminded me of that fact when he saw how disappointed I looked. It didn't matter to me. In the end, it all rested on my shoulders.

"I'm sorry sir. I wasn't made aware of the sensitivity situation with Councilman Herman. I'm not supposed to break protocol," the man mumbled.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and kicked the side of the metal desk I was standing next to. _Real freaking mature, Edward._

"You're suspended until a further investigation concludes you had no involvement," I stated and then ripped the manager's office door open.

I stalked out of the building, not caring if I ran into employees. As I made my way to my car I slipped my jacket back on. It was cold as fuck these days. I started the engine and my phone went off for the 100th time today.

"What?" I growled.

"Lieutenant?"

"Chief Swan, sorry, what can I do for you sir?"

"Lieutenant, I need you to see Detective Harper and have him call Marceau's probation officer. A CSI agent has an interesting theory."

"Yes, sir. I'll handle it immediately."

Charlie hung up and I threw my phone on the passenger seat.

So far we had been lucky and no one was reporting Herman's death just yet. I wasn't sure how Charlie and the PR team managed that one. I figured we'd have until the end of the evening at best for it to stay quiet. I'm sure Fiori knew at any minute a slew of officers would come looking for him and his cronies, but I was banking on the fact we might have a little longer to investigate every aspect before that happened. It was hard getting warrants on Fiori anymore. It was damn near impossible.

I made it Harper's precinct quickly. I felt bad bothering him. I knew he was drowning in phone calls and leads; however, I was on a mission for the Chief.

"Masen," he nodded and waved me into his office.

I grabbed a spot in the corner. There were several other officers and subordinates cramming his office.

"What can I do for you Detective?" Harper asked in an exhausted voice.

"Chief Swan wants you to get in touch with Marceau's probation officer CSI has got a lead."

Harper sighed and leaned back into his chair.

"I figured as much. I spoke with Marceau's probation officer and these officers are watching him," he gestured to the subordinates, "Marceau was at home during the time of the murder. He didn't break curfew."

"And the P.O. officer can actually vouch for the fact Marceau was in his apartment? They physically saw him?"

The room was quiet. It didn't matter. The silence gave me my answer.

"Call the Chief," I added and walked out of the office.

I skimmed through my phonebook as I climbed back into my car. It rang several times before the person I was hoping to speak with answered.

"Handler," the response was breathless.

"Teri?"

"Who is this?" Teri asked confusedly.

"It's Masen."

"Edward. Hi. What can I do for you?"

"Hey, I was wondering if you could give me an E.T.A. on the press explosion."

She chuckled uneasily and exhaled.

"Yeah—you and every other officer in the department. Look, we're doing our best. In a worst case scenario, you have until school lets out. In a best case scenario, you've got til tonight's 10 o'clock news."

"When the hell does school even let out nowadays?" I wondered.

Shit. I was out-of-touch.

"After 2 in the afternoon."

I scoffed.

"Are you shitting me?"

I was going to go off on a tangent but I had more important things to handle right now. Teri didn't respond.

"Alright, thanks. Listen, keep me posted. Captain Oliveros is practically sitting on the D.A.'s lap right now, waiting to tell him what he wants for Christmas, but in either case I'd like to be aware of how much time I have to prepare."

"Sure thing, Edward. Talk to you later," she replied.

"Bye."

I glanced at my watch. It was after 11 AM. I was about 30 hours without sleep now. I decided to go back to headquarters and get my shit together. I needed to talk to the team. We were supposed to prepare for out-of-field team training this weekend but that was on the backburner. I was more than sure we were going to have to head up a mission tonight.

Emmett met me on my way to the office. All the officers were preparing the gear and cleaning up the equipment. Emmett and I sat in my office for an hour. The TV in my office was currently waiting on the network channels. The second I heard anything about Herman on the news, I knew I was leaving for battle. At 1 o'clock, a knock resounded on my door.

"Come in," I called out.

A CSI officer stepped in.

"Lieutenant, these are the materials you requested," he explained and placed a few folders on my desk.

"Thanks," I nodded while the officer left.

Emmett moved from the window and sat down in his chair. He was on the phone with Rosalie. We knew things would be okay but he wanted Rosalie to stay at his parents' house just in case. Rosalie was worried and panicked but she trusted Emmett's judgment without question.

"I love you too baby," he whispered and hung up.

I grabbed a folder and flipped it open.

"Fuck," I hissed and cringed.

They were photos from the crime scene. Peter Herman had been thoroughly fucked up before dying. There were several lacerations and bruises on his body. Whoever had killed him had beaten him to the point where he was probably begging for death. The worst part of the picture was where they had sliced his dick.

It made me nauseous just looking at it, so I moved back up to the second worst part of the photo—his mouth—where a dirty thread had sewn his mouth shut. There was dried blood and dirt all over his face. I felt awful for the poor man. He had suffered even in his final seconds. There was nothing quick about his death. And it was so obvious Fiori was behind it. The man's mouth was fucking sewn shut.

"Shit, Edward. You saw this all fresh and rank this morning?" Emmett didn't hide the disgust in his voice.

"Sort of. By the time I was able to report to the scene they were loading the body into a body bag. That's why I requested the photos. Or at least part of why," I responded and slid a folder across the desk blindly.

I picked up another folder and took a look inside. They were crime scene photos of the murders Marceau was supposed to have committed in Paris. The victims in these crimes had been murdered in nearly the same manner. It was slow and torturous. And there was always some sort of mutilation to their private parts.

"It's fucking Marceau. I know it is."

Emmett sighed.

"We're screwed if it is," he replied solemnly.

I looked up at him.

"Emmett, she's going to be fine. Nothing will _ever_ happen to Rosalie. I'll make damn sure of it," I swore.

He nodded and swallowed. My phone went off. I had two appointments today. One with my therapist and one with…shit. I picked up my office phone and called my therapist. There was no way I could meet with him this evening. I was going to be doing prep for tonight. And the other appointment, well, I just couldn't bring myself to cancel with Bella. I hadn't seen her since Christmas Eve.

It was already the second week of January. I had been looking forward to this so much prior to everything that happened today. Besides, she needed to know about Herman. Security was getting bumped up to high-alert for her. And this time I was choosing the officers. There was no way I was having any Peter Herman slip-ups with Bella. I took a certain relief in knowing she at least had Jacob around. I didn't know if he packed any heat or if he was any good in a fight, but at least he could try and be menacing. He was tall as hell.

As it got closer to my meeting a flurry of bullshit happened all at once. Marceau was up in arms about being harassed by officers. A couple of Fiori's thugs had been dragged in by some rookies. And Peter Herman's wife was threatening to tell the press about her husband's murder if we didn't "give her some Goddamn answers."

Teri was doing her best to placate the devastated Mrs. Herman but little was working. Commander Burgess and Captain Oliveros were trying to persuade her to wait, but her snooty lawyer was creating problems. I wanted to knock the little shit into a fucking wall. He was about 5'3, wore thick glasses, and was dressed in a terrible tweed suit.

"Mrs. Herman is entitled to allowing the pubic to be made aware of her husband's untimely death. If the A.D.A. isn't here within the next 10 minutes, presenting a gag order, then we will be contacting the local news agencies immediately. Mrs. Herman has already drawn up her press release," he sneered.

I rolled my eyes and forced myself from lunging at him. Oliveros shot me a look and I stayed put. He read my body language better than any commanding officer I ever worked with. Trigger slipped in and walked over to me.

"Lieutenant, Detective Harper is on the phone. It's urgent," he whispered.

I nodded and walked out of the conference room. The closest secretary had Harper waiting on the phone for me. I sat on the corner of her desk while she smacked her gum and grinned at me. I turned away in annoyance. She was nearly my mother's age.

"Detective?"

"Masen, I need you to come over. We can't get in touch with Chief. You're my second-best. Marceau's probation officer wants to speak with you."

I groaned.

"Shit. Alright. Give me 10 minutes."

I looked at my watch. If things went quickly with Marceau's probation offcer then I'd only be a few minutes late with Bella. I needed to meet her at the public library, which was annoyingly on the opposite side of town in relation to Harper's precinct.

I stopped by my office and grabbed a folder from my desk. I slipped them into my glove compartment. I hooked up my siren to my car and sped off to Harper's precinct. I ran through the building. When I got to his office, he was arguing with Marceau's probation officer.

"Detective," he sighed.

I acknowledged Marceau's probation officer and sat down in the chair next to him.

"Detective, please explain to Mr. Davies that Mr. Marceau is only under observation. He's curious about the Chief's apparent theory."

"Well, to be accurate, it's a theory that a CSI agent created. Honestly, Davies, I just compared some of the French crime scene photos to Herman's. The similarities are hard to ignore."

"Lieutenant, if I may rebut," Davies began.

I nodded for him to continue.

"They are similarities and only that. Laurent was at home. He checked in with me last night."

"You didn't physically see him though," I countered.

"Lieutenant, he called me from the home phone we had installed. There are several officers watching him currently…not a single one of them saw him leave."

I snorted.

"As if that means anything! A man who was under close supervision was murdered!"

He nodded. The incriminating evidence was irrefutable. I didn't understand why Davies was so quick to jump to Marceau's defense in the first place. I would never understand the psyche of a probation officer. As far as I was concerned, all of those inmates deserved to be in there indefinitely.

Herman wasn't exactly a stand-up-guy but he wasn't scum like Marceau or Fiori. Last I checked he hadn't _murdered_ anyone. Harper and Davies went back and forth for a while. Marceau was currently in custody for suspicion of conspiracy to commit murder for hire.

I looked at my watch and jumped when I noticed I was a half hour late to meet Bella. I said a rushed goodbye to Harper and ran out of the office. I used my siren again and made it in fifteen minutes to the library. I grabbed the folder from my car, not trusting a public library. At least at Harper's precinct there were cops everywhere.

Besides I figured Bella would be more interested in leaving the library with me if I had something that screamed interesting. I stalked through the library and found her in the back at a study table. She seemed alarmed by my disposition. I made it to her finally. I missed seeing her face, no matter how surprised it seemed. If I wasn't so distracted, I would have taken the time to appreciate every detail fully.

"Bella," I sighed and sat down in the chair next to her.

I glanced around anxiously and studied the other patrons. There was a small mother and her child in one aisle and an older man reading a newspaper a few tables away. It was an off time to be at the library so there weren't many people around. It didn't matter though. I needed to be quick and as quiet as possible about this. I needed to persuade her to follow me somewhere safer and more private. This wasn't the best place to tell her about Peter Herman.

"How are you?" I asked, begging for a sense of normalcy for the moment.

"I—"

My fucking phone went off again!

"Shit," I hissed beneath my breath, "Can you hold that thought?"

I shot up quickly and took off. I yanked the phone out of my pocket and answered it brusquely.

"Edward, it's Teri. Herman's wife blew it. We're done. They're doing emergency reporting right now on the news."

I stepped into the lobby and shouted a loud 'what?!' A few patrons looked at me in pure horror or disdain as they passed me by. I could feel the blood rushing to my face. I knew in just a few short years I'd have a doctor on my ass about blood pressure or something. Probably Carlisle.

"This is just fucking great. Stupid bitch couldn't keep her mouth shut!" I growled and threw my arm up in irritation.

Teri didn't reply.

"I have about two hours for prep now. This is fucking awesome. What a way to start off the New Year," I snarled.

"That's another reason why I'm calling. Chief Swan is ready to burst a vein. I suggest you get back to headquarters soon. I saw Valence. He caught up with McCarty. They're getting ready."

I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Thanks Teri," I managed to say calmly.

"Good luck, Edward."

I pressed the end button and walked back into the library. Bella was going to get dragged out of the library now. Forget persuading her. I didn't have the time and I needed to fill her in quickly. I walked back to the study table swiftly. Bella was standing up and fumbling to grab her bag. She seemed to shake and fuss. She looked up at me and I swear she swallowed back what would have been a deafening scream.

I looked down from her abnormally pale face and saw the photos from Herman's murder pushed haphazardly into the file folder. My eyes split apart and went huge. Shit. I had left the fucking folder. She saw them. She saw his dead body. His fucking cut off dick.

Suddenly, Bella brushed past me and ran off in the opposite direction. I grabbed the pictures and put them in correctly. I picked up the folder and ran after her. I was surprised at how far ahead she was. Bella was typically so clumsy.

"Shit, wait! C'mon! Don't leave!" I yelled as she ran down the stairs.

Bella ran out of the building and into the parking lot. She threw her bag into her truck and flipped the hood of her jacket up. The roar of her engine began and she backed out abruptly. I caught up and banged on her windows as she pulled away. It felt like there was no use but I couldn't let her leave this way. She was terrified. I couldn't live, knowing she felt that way. I felt empty standing there.

I knew she was probably running home to Jacob and that truth cut me into pieces. I ran a hand down my face and cursed myself. If I had been more careful about grabbing the file before I left this could have been avoided. I walked slowly back to my car. I had no motivation anymore.

My mind was nearly blank as I drove back to headquarters. I wasn't sure what to do about Bella now. She was terrified and I couldn't do anything about it. I had a mission to prepare for now. I wondered if I should tell Charlie or if he knew. I wondered if I should send someone to check on her. My team prepped downstairs while I sat at my desk contemplating what I should do and waiting for our warrant.

The solitariness of my office was overwhelming. I squeezed my eyes shut and gasped a little when I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes. I wiped my eyes furiously before anything more could happen. I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't cry like a bitch in my office. I needed to be clearheaded right now, not distraught that Bella was probably terrified and angry with me. I promised her everything would be safe. I'd broken my promise.

"Edward?" I heard Emmett on the other side of my door.

I sighed. He opened the door tentatively and had the paper I recognized as the warrant. I stood up and followed him out—in a shell of my own body. When we arrived at Fiori's home, and the other team showed up at his warehouse, I was still a shell. I made my usual smartass comments. I didn't take his bullshit replies back but all of it was robotic. I didn't think.

When I sat across from him in the interrogation room I just stared at him. My mind was elsewhere. It was with Bella. It was concerned with how safe she was at this moment. And it frightened me that I couldn't be completely sure of her security. I would die without her. The possibility of anything happening to her was unallowable. It hurt to consider the idea.

"Are we done yet, Lieutenant?" Fiori asked me.

I focused on him finally. His eyes were crinkled slightly at the sides. He was getting older. I didn't respond to him.

"I'd really like to go home now. It's just downright insulting that you are accusing me of murdering a dear friend of mine. Now is a time for reflection and honoring the memory of Peter—not throwing around outrageous claims on poor evidence," he said with such fake earnestness that it literally sickened me.

I still didn't say anything. I could feel Captain Oliveros behind me, observing me.

"I think that's all we need for now Mr. Fiori," the Captain spoke up.

I felt his hand on my shoulder and the grip he used was a warning. It was tense and tighter than what should be considered normal. I didn't give a fuck. I knew after what happened with Bella this afternoon I was slipping up already.

Danny Fiori stood up and brushed off his suit. He gave me one last disdainful look and walked to the door. The questioning with him was over. With what we'd learned from Herman before he died I didn't expect to nail Fiori today. It'd be the other lower level guys, that we had solid evidence on, that would be fucked from tonight onward. The whole strategy was to use their guilt to get more evidence and take the entire business down. It would be a mess, but if we did it…it would be worth more than anything for this city.

"Lieutenant."

Great. Here comes a lecture. Oliveros took the seat across from me. Disappointment was clearly etched across his features.

"You're slipping. Tonight's interrogation was less-than-satisfactory. I expect more from you. When you are at work, your extraneous problems stay out of it. Behavior like that will result in a write-up. Don't make me write you up," he warned and pushed away from the table sharply.

He walked out as I continued to stare at the wall ahead of me. I wasn't sure how long I sat in there but eventually the door opened again. I heard breathing and footsteps. It could have been someone coming in to kill me and I wouldn't care. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I just wanted to have _her_. I wanted her to reassure me she was okay and that she trusted me to keep her safe. She saved me and I needed to save her now. I didn't trust myself anymore and I needed her faith in me. I was crumbling. I didn't expect this to last much longer. Not unless something else changed.

"Edward?"

I was surprised when it was Rosalie's voice. I turned my head sharply and she was looking at me sheepishly.

"Edward, you've been sitting in here for two hours. How is your ass not asleep?" she laughed lightly.

I looked away from her shamefully.

"Emmett's across the window. The tapes are off," she explained and sat across from me.

A part of me wanted to open my mouth and tell her not to sit there. Criminals sat there. Danny Fiori had just been sitting there. It wasn't right. I couldn't get the words out and she opened her mouth anyway.

"What's wrong?" Rosalie wondered.

I looked away from her blue eyes and stared at a wall.

"Hey, I'm sitting _here_. Look at me," she ordered.

I didn't really follow orders from anyone but I knew Rosalie was serious. So I looked back at her unwillingly.

"Something's wrong, Edward. We know. Just tell us what it is. Tell us what we can do to fix it."

"You can't do anything," I responded.

My voice came out in a whisper from being unused. I cleared it once and sighed.

"I want to go home," I announced and stood up.

The blood rushed to my legs and I nearly stumbled. I waited for a moment and walked out the door. I stopped and looked at Emmett for a moment. He had changed out of his gear and was looking at me, waiting for my wrath or something. I continued walking and disappeared into the night.

Sleep evaded me.

I had this nagging feeling that I couldn't quite place. Yet I knew it had to do with Bella. It felt like maybe she needed me, and I was failing to be there for her. I knew it was a trick of my imagination. I figured it was more of my desire to be with her that made me believe she needed me. I needed her to need me.

When I "woke" the following morning, my eyes were swollen and my head hurt. I was considering calling in today, but I knew I couldn't. We had more suspects to gather up. I just felt as though I couldn't face the day. Not without her, my mind added. On my way to work I took a detour. I passed by her house and was unsurprised to find Jacob's bike missing. I assumed he had gone to work already.

Her truck was sitting in its usual spot. Everything was perfectly benign. I hated it. It didn't give the peace expected or desired. It just angered me that he had given her that peace. She had turned out alright at his hands. I sped away and went to the office.

Marceau had been released but seven of Fiori's lower level cronies were in lockdown. They hadn't revealed anything just yet. I didn't expect them to. Herman had just been killed. I'm sure they believed they'd be next if they said the wrong thing. And who knows? Maybe they were next. We'd done such a stand-up job keeping Herman safe.

When I arrived at my office, I was surprised to see Valence standing outside. He looked exhausted and worn. I chuckled bitterly to myself when I realized it probably mirrored my own appearance.

"Valence."

I slipped my key into my office door and unlocked it. I gestured for him to follow me in. I walked over to my office window and leaned on the ledge.

"What's up?"

He lowered himself into Emmett's seat and frowned.

"Sir, I need to take a leave of absence. I'm having some family problems."

I tensed at how hard it was for him to get the words out. He looked like he was about to break apart.

"What is it Jay?"

He let out a shaky breath and scowled at the floor.

"It's my mom. She's been sick. You already know this. And I need to start making some arrangements. I'm not home enough. I need to see about getting her some extra care but it's going to be difficult."

I nodded. I knew of Jay's family problems. His mom had been fighting cancer for quite some time. I couldn't remember any point when the outlook seemed hopeful.

"I understand. Do whatever you need to."

Jay looked at me in surprise.

"Seriously?" he asked unsure.

I looked at him confusedly.

"I thought for sure you'd give me a harder time. I just…we're so busy right now. It's the worst possible time," Valence explained.

"I know but it's not something trivial. I'm not going to carry the guilt of something happening to your mother at my expense. I've got enough of that," I grumbled.

His eyebrows lowered and he looked at me apologetically. Everyone suspected I'd never really gotten over what happened with Vanessa. It had been getting better since I visited my therapist but I was far away from healed. I assumed I'd never really heal from that anyway. Traumatic things don't really go away.

"Just make sure you file your request with the department and stuff. How long do you need?"

"I think two weeks is the most I can do. I can't really afford more," he confessed.

I wished I could do something to extend his leave of absence and not have it affect his economic situation but it was out of my hands.

"I'm really sorry, Valence."

He shook his head.

"It's not your fault, sir."

"It's not your fault either. It's just shitty timing," I shrugged.

Valence nodded in agreement and stood up.

"I'll see you later."

He walked out the office. The day sort of went by in a blur. I wanted to talk to Charlie several times but I was bombarded by phone calls. New agencies were looking to me for answers to their questions. I didn't give them any. I was really hoping one reporter would call but I didn't sit there expecting anything. So when my cell phone went off and I saw her number, I actually smiled.

"Bella," I nearly gasped.

"Hi."

The tone of her voice threw me off. She sounded tired. It worried me.

"Can you meet me? I need to talk."

"Wherever you want."

I'd travel to another planet if she asked me. What she wanted from me…it was hers.

"Let's take the ferry to Bremerton."

A ferry? It sounded like a good idea. If we sat in my car then we'd have some privacy. We'd be away from the city.

"Okay."

"Arrive at the dock by 3:00. We need to take you car," she instructed.

"Sure."

Bella hung up before either of us had a chance to say goodbye. Her behavior was making me anxious. I didn't like the sudden desperation and urgency. I didn't like how tired she sounded. I gathered my things and told one of the secretaries on the floor I had an emergency I needed to take care of. She nodded and promised to take my messages.

I sat in my car, on line for the ferry. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd taken a ferry ride. I was sure it had something to do with following up on a lead if I did. I noticed a dark-haired girl walking onto the ferry. I nearly pressed the horn but my phone suddenly went off. I picked it up blindly and answered.

"Hello?"

"I'm here. I can already see you. Don't leave your car. When everything is secure, I'll meet you. Just sit and wait," she ordered before hanging up once more.

I looked at my phone in shock. She was making me so nervous. I didn't like all the security measures she was taking. This meant she knew something I didn't. I didn't like being in the know, especially when it concerned her. When I was finally parked on the ferry, my anxiety reached its boiling point. I picked up the phone and dialed Bella's number. I was startled when after the fourth ring my passenger side door flew open and she slipped in wordlessly.

"Bella?"

She looked at me hesitantly. Her eyes had dark circles under them. Her face was abnormally pale. Her hair was matted and wild.

"What's wrong?"

Bella looked away from me and stared out the windshield. The water was choppy and dark today. It was interesting how the elements reflected our current state. It was chaotic, like a storm.

"Edward, you can tell your officers to stop patrol on my house," she whispered.

I sat there like a stone.

"I'm going to spend some time with Marie and then I'll be staying with Charlie afterwards," Bella continued.

"What? Why?"

Her eyes clenched shut and she angled her body away from mine.

"Jacob and I broke-up. I broke off the engagement," she whispered with raw emotion.

My chest swelled. They broke up? That was impossible. They were getting married. You don't just break-up when you're about to get married. I forgot to breathe for a moment. I had a sudden burst of hope and I hated myself for it. Bella was clearly upset by this.

"What happened?" I wondered quietly.

"I just…I couldn't do it anymore," I could hear the clear effort in her voice to avoid breaking down.

I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see me. I was surprised when she finally opened her eyes and shifted back in her seat to face me completely. The abrupt coldness and blankness in her eyes startled me. I'd never seen her so lifeless before.

Even after she discovered the truth about Peter Herman's murder there was at least terror in her eyes. Now she just looked as though the fire inside of her was extinguished. That pained me deeply. If I had to choose one thing I loved most about her…it was her spirit.

"Edward, that's not the only thing. I just got word this morning. Fiori is about to take a mole under his wing. It's someone in the department. No one but Fiori and possibly Marceau knows exactly who. After you brought him in for questioning he made the move. Apparently, he's been thinking about it since during the holiday."

I blanched at her words. I was sure there were snitches in our department already, but if Bella was hearing about this then it was someone more important than just a few corrupt rookies, or sergeants, or something. It was clearly someone who could jeopardize the entire Fiori investigation. It was someone who would never be suspected. It was someone who would never be seen as too obvious.

"And I have my last article for a while in this Sunday's paper. I have to take a sabbatical. After Peter…I just _can't_," she gasped.

I leaned forward and stared into her lifeless eyes.

"Bella, what are you talking about? You can't quit! You love your job," I urged.

I was surprised at how I instinctively argued with her decision. Had this been a little while ago, I was sure I'd be immensely pleased that I would have one less worry to think about when protecting Bella. But it wasn't then. It was now.

And I knew it would kill her not to write anymore. It would kill her to not be contributing any longer. She shook her head at me. She was giving up what was possibly the most important thing in her life now. She didn't have Jacob anymore.

"You can't just give everything up like this!" I threw my hands up in exasperation.

Bella slumped in her seat and rested her arms and head on the dashboard.

"I still want to help you," she mumbled.

I almost didn't hear her.

"I'm not giving _everything_ up," she countered.

I leaned back in my seat and ran a hand down my face. Was I happy that she would, at least, still be helping me? I couldn't answer that question yet. I didn't even really know why she was still going to help me. She was giving up on everything else.

Why was I the one thing she didn't let go of too? I wanted to ask her, but like every other time I just couldn't make the words come out. I couldn't ask her those questions. The fear of her answer paralyzed me. My determination was lost when it came to her.

"Why are you staying at Charlie's?" I finally asked.

"It's not safe anymore. Jacob's not there. It's too dangerous now. I probably won't even get to see you much," she rasped and removed her head from her arms.

She looked at me from her profile. I hated how desolate and miserable she looked.

"Bella, you shouldn't have left like that yesterday," I scolded.

Bella sighed.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to do. I've never seen anything so terrifying in my life. It felt like I was the one responsible. It felt like I had been the one to take the knife to his mouth," she shuddered.

A hand reached out and retreated back. I didn't know if she noticed my gesture. I just wanted so badly to rub my hands on her back. I wanted ease her fears. I sighed.

"What are we going to do when we get to Bremerton? Can I take you somewhere?" I offered.

"No."

The word hung in the air. It was profound. I nodded once and looked away from her. She was my saving grace, but I'd be damned if she wouldn't also lead to my downfall. There were only so many things I could compromise on for my love. And eventually, I'd compromise on the wrong thing. I just hoped Bella didn't fall with me. She had saved me from myself.

* * *

Next chapter is explosive, it includes Edward's brief trip to Chicago for Alice and Jasper's wedding. There is a blog that discusses this chapter and my future projects if anyone is interested. As always check out the thread on Twilighted(dot)net. I post teasers, and occasionally reveal the chapter song as a teaser. Thanks to all the supportive Twilighted ladies!!


	24. Chapter 24

Sorry for the wait! I was having some technical issues with this chapter. I wanted things to be as realistic as possible and not leave gaps in the story later on. I also apologize for the length. I really did try and see if I could break it up, but I just couldn't. I felt like I was taking away from the entire thing by splitting it up.

There are a few announcements at the end of the chapter. I don't really care if you scroll down or not, but I want to recommend a few fics that I'm reading: Twice as Long as Yesterday by hopeful wager; A Little Less Than Before by Burrberry Bugsby; The Confessions of a Call Girl by petitanglaise; and The Port Angeles Players by WriteOnTime. Check them out!!

This chapter's theme: Lies by The Black Keys

_I don't own Twilight, but by Chapter 24 you should already know that ;)_

* * *

I was sitting at the circular table by myself. I wasn't even at the table I was assigned to sit at. This table—the one I was currently at—was hidden and in the darkest part of the ballroom. I _had_ been sitting closer to Jasper and Alice, because I was a member of the groom's party. Correction. There was just one person in the groom's party…me. Alice didn't have a large bridal party either—just her maid-of-honor.

Alice's maid-of-honor was her store manager. Luckily for me, the girl was engaged and happily dancing the night away with her fiancé. I didn't have to keep her company and stay attached to her side out of obligation. My "responsibility" had been taken care of.

The condensation on the glass of scotch I had pressed against my temple was starting to give me a headache. I lowered the glass and leaned away from the table, and back into my chair. The scene played out nicely—just like everything else had. Alice and Jasper were sneaking in moments of affection while person after person walked up to congratulate them and speak briefly. Carlisle and Esme were out on the floor, dancing the night away.

Everyone was so damn _happy_. It was the most annoying thing ever. My mind wandered back to earlier today when Alice and Jasper recited their own vows. There was not a dry eye in the audience, but I was counting down the seconds until the ceremony ended.

It wasn't the most fun thing in the world to hear your best friends go on and on about how much they love each and want to spend eternity together; especially, when that outcome didn't even seem like a remote possibility for yourself. And even more so when you knew who you wanted that to be with, yet knew it was unattainable.

Mom had badgered me nearly every day, up until I left Seattle, about whether or not I was bringing someone to the wedding. She reminded me in every way possible that I was free to bring a guest, that she was more than willing to accommodate another body in the house, or that it was terribly cheesy to show up to a wedding (apparently even more so when you were the best man) without a date.

Truth be told, I had thought about inviting Bella. Did I even come close to acting on the idea?

Hell no.

It wasn't very clear, but I had a feeling Bella had been the one to break up with Jacob. Her explanation led me to believe so but I wasn't entirely sure. In either case, she was still reeling from a broken relationship and I just didn't want to push her anymore than necessary. I hadn't seen her since our awkwardly distant goodbye in Bremerton.

I could see her alienating herself from me already, and I felt myself doing the same in response. The walls were drawn up and the lines were marked. We'd taken 3 steps in our relationship and sprinted 8 back. That coldness we shared at one point settled in to take the place of where we'd previously been. It hurt me but I understood why. I told myself maybe it was better this way. I could protect her better.

But my broken heart was in disagreement. It felt like all the emotional energy and turmoil I'd gone through lately had been a waste. Not because she was a waste—because she was nothing of the sort to me—but because all the energy poured wouldn't get me anywhere anyway.

I exhaled and stretched my legs out. I was so uncomfortable in this suit. I undid my bow tie and let it hang around my neck. It was funny how a flick of my wrist undid the material so quickly. Esme had spent what seemed like forever doing it. I swished around my glass of scotch and drank the last few drops.

The party was in full swing. Hardly anyone was in their seats, except for some elderly people and the usual wallflowers. I wished I had someone here with me now. It didn't even have to Bella. I wanted Emmett sitting next to me, making me laugh until I nearly pissed myself. Or even Rosalie, talking my ear off about some new concept car. My mind flickered to Vanessa for a minute and I pushed the thought away. I'd done a lot of breaking through with my therapist on that one and I didn't feel the need to ruin a perfectly good night by backtracking.

I stood up and left the ballroom. Caroline Brandon was already drunk off her rocker and was cackling to her husband and his friends. I rolled my eyes and walked out swiftly. I didn't get ten feet away before I felt a tug on my arm. I looked behind me and saw Alice. She was a vision tonight.

Her second dress of the night—yes, she'd even had to change her ensemble at her freaking wedding—was much shorter and a silky white. The dress was completely nondescript but Alice made it stand out as if it was lime green and had zebra print running across it. She just drew that kind of attention.

Her hair was long tonight as well. I remembered how I had winced when she showed me her extensions. I didn't understand why girls did that kind of stuff to themselves. It was loose and wavy now. No signs of the up do she'd worn during the ceremony.

"Where are you going?" she wondered—a crease of worry between her brows.

"I don't really know. I guess I was thinking about talking a walk," I admitted.

Alice smiled.

"Let's walk," she agreed and linked her arm into mine.

"Shouldn't you be with Jasper? It's your wedding, Alice."

She waved her hand in dismissal.

"He can handle himself. Besides, I needed a break. My hair was going to get all frizzed up in that ballroom," she giggled.

I smirked at her and continued walking through the building. I was actually planning on going outside, but there was snow on the ground. Alice was in a flimsy dress and I didn't think it best. Chicago was _much_ colder than Seattle right now. If I was complaining back home, I was bitching now.

"So are you enjoying yourself?" Alice asked solicitously.

I rolled my eyes.

"Loads of fun," I muttered.

She poked my side.

"Edward, you can at least _lie_ to me. It's my wedding day! I got everything I wanted, but that doesn't mean I want others to be unhappy, especially you," she scowled at me.

I patted her hand and continued walking down a corridor.

"It's Valentine's Day, Alice. What do you want me to say? I'm miserable right now. I just keep thinking of her. I don't even know what she's doing today but I'm hoping to God she's not alone."

Alice pursed her lips and looked away thoughtfully. Jasper was already in the know about Bella, and he had shared some of it with Alice, but I had completely confessed to both of them on Friday evening when they picked me up from the airport just how serious I was about her.

"Have you thought about calling her? What harm could that do?" she offered.

My jaw tensed subtly.

"It's not that easy. I haven't heard from her in a month. Last time I spoke to her she gave me the cold shoulder and said goodbye. How can I just call on Valentine's Day? She clearly wants the space. She established it. She knows if she wants to talk to me she can call me anytime."

Alice pouted at my rebuttal. She sighed once and looked away in pain.

"I wish I could give you some of my happiness. I feel so guilty. I have everything I want right now and you're in such agony, Edward. I thought your trip in November was bad but that was nothing compared to how you are now. It's like the fire in you is gone. I just wish I could give some of what I feel to you and Bella. It's not right for one person to get so much," Alice ended with a whisper.

I stopped walking abruptly and turned to face Alice. Her eyes were wide when she saw my sharp expression. My eyes were blazing with anger. How could she ever feel guilty?!

"Mary Alice Brandon don't you dare say something like that ever again! You have every right to be happy right now. You deserve every bit of happiness you get. Don't you _dare_ start getting mopey on your wedding day!"

Alice looked at me bashfully. I pulled her back into my side. I leaned down to kiss the top of her head and walked us back towards the direction of the ballroom.

"I can't wait for when you get married, Edward," Alice crooned.

I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"I have to wait for my balls to drop and actually find the courage to tell her I'm in love with her first, don't you think?"

Alice giggled at my crude statement and nodded.

"I really hope you tell her soon, Edward. You deserve this and so much more. You're the best brother I never had," she winked.

I squeezed her hand and led her over to Jasper. He looked immensely relieved to have her back. There was a smaller group of people herding around him, than in comparison to earlier, but it still looked nightmarish. I didn't see myself having a big wedding. All the fuss and business seemed superfluous. I mean if Bella told me she wanted a huge affair…I'd suck it up and do it, but I wasn't going to go out of my way to invite anyone I'd ever met.

_Nice, Edward. Thinking you're going to marry Bella, huh? A little ahead of yourself there, don't you think?_

I decided to grab another scotch after I dropped Alice off. I wanted to be thoroughly blank-minded tonight. If I was nice and drunk, I didn't have to keep being reminded that I was _alone_ at a _wedding _on _Valentine's Day_. I downed two glasses back-to-back. The bartender looked a little concerned since he knew me already. I saw my mother coming toward me and I internally groaned.

"Edward, are you staying at the hotel tonight or are you coming back home with us?" she wondered with a bright smile.

I stared at her blankly.

"I'll stay in the hotel," I responded, unsure of my answer.

Esme cocked her head to the side for a moment. Her eyes became scrutinizing. Carlisle was suddenly behind her and he was smiling.

"Keep it easy on the drinks," Carlisle warned playfully.

I smiled but I was unamused. I could feel the alcohol already going to my head. It was hot in this ballroom.

"Carlisle, Edward will be staying at The Drake. Tell Carmen and Eleazer they can sleep in Edward's room tonight," Esme instructed.

He nodded once and kissed her forehead. It made my blood boil. Everyone had it so fucking _easy_. Esme was staring at me while Carlisle walked away.

"Sweetie, I'm worried about you," she placed a hand on my forearm.

I sighed.

"I'm fine. I just need to get some rest. I'm a little keyed up."

Esme nodded. I placed my last glass of scotch down on the counter and left my hand out for Esme's car keys. I wouldn't be driving tonight, but I'd need a way back home tomorrow. Many of the guests were staying at The Drake due to its close proximity. I could have gone back home and slept at my parents' house for _free_, but I think everyone sensed that I needed a night to myself after today.

I kissed her cheek after I felt the keys in my hand and walked past her. Checking in and going to my hotel room was sort of a blur. I was already pretty buzzed by the time I left. As I walked through my hotel room door, I was sure I was thoroughly drunk.

I fell onto my bed in a heap and sighed. I slipped the tux jacket off and threw it across the room blindly. I was still hot though, so I slipped out of my entire tuxedo until I was just wearing my boxers. I must have fallen asleep because suddenly Bella was with me in my hotel room. And I knew that shit was just too good to be true.

"Edward," she whispered.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, with an arm thrown over my eyes.

Her warm hand pulled my arm away. I reluctantly looked into her eyes. I was a tired drunk and right now I just wanted some sleep. She was an apparition anyway, I told myself. Her eyes were questioning as I looked into them. Apparently, she didn't like it when I ignored her. I smirked at her slight scowl. Before she knew it, I flipped over and pinned her to the bed.

Bella stared at me for a long minute before her expression softened. I lowered my head to hers and pressed my lips to her mouth. Her breath came out in a wild gasp and she threw herself into the kiss. Abruptly, her hands were behind my neck, tugging on my hair and rubbing the skin there in ways that should be illegal.

Very slowly, I started to lower my weight onto hers. Bella took to it nicely and wrapped her arms around my body more tightly. My mouth went slow despite her insistence. She was begging me for more but I wouldn't give it to her. Her hands tugged roughly on my hair, trying to bother me. She growled and bucked her hips into mine as best she could despite the weight.

I groaned and rolled over, pulling her on top of me. It was dark in the room but I could see a wicked smile on her face. Slowly, very slowly, she started to grind herself against my embarrassing erection. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd been this hard. All those other times when I'd had to relieve myself because of Bella's little antics and touches were nothing in comparison.

The friction was burning me from the inside out. I clenched my teeth and grabbed onto her hips a little tighter than I should have. The softer side of me was warning that I shouldn't be so rough, but I just couldn't _think_ right now. Everything was sensory. I groaned as she went faster and put her hands over mine. I was panting like an animal.

I'd never gotten off like this before—not with so many clothes and barriers between where I was desperately seeking to be—but leave it to Bella to be the one responsible. My body was back in seventeen-year-old-boy mode when it came to her. I could feel it. The tightening in my lower stomach was unbearable. I needed her to come. I couldn't take this any longer.

"Bella, please," I begged in a hiss.

She was breathless and I was pretty sure she was sweating like I was. It was so hot! I mean seriously…it was February. I clenched my eyes shut and just held them that way. I couldn't look at her. If I saw her on the brink, I wouldn't last. I didn't want to be ungentlemanly.

"I," Bella began and never finished.

Or maybe she did, I thought to myself smugly, because in that instant she came. And I followed right behind her.

Once I got off the high, I automatically felt gross. I had jizzed in my damn boxers. Ugh. I opened my eyes and the room was now lit up with sun and Bella was missing.

_I knew it was a freaking dream._

I sighed and shifted away from the window. It was too bright. But as I shifted I realized I had definitely not dreamed some parts. My boxers were full of my spunk. Nice. I washed off and checked the time after I stepped out the shower. It was after 11 AM. I searched around the room for my different clothing items and decided to dispose of the boxers and go commando on the way home.

There was an array of luxury cars parked in front of Carlisle and Esme's house. I pursed my lips and wondered how good the odds of me going upstairs to change and avoiding everyone would be. I knew they were awful, but if I missed a few select people then I might have a chance to at least be mostly unbothered on my way up.

I decided to man-the-fuck-up and go inside. Everyone here was at least 15 years older than me. I nodded at a few people and mumbled hellos on my way up the steps. The day after a wedding, when you're staying with other people, is always so strange.

"Edward!"

_Seriously?_ _I was ten feet away from my room!_ I turned around and Caroline was looking at me with a knowing smile. Or at least she thought she knew something. She strolled over to me in her khaki skirt and lavender button-down. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"I didn't know you were back," she winked.

I sighed.

"I was just on my way to change. I'd like to relax a little before I leave tonight," I said very slowly, as if I was speaking to someone who didn't speak English well.

I did the wide eyes and raised eyebrows and everything. Caroline grinned and leaned forward. Before she could say something very inappropriate, I turned on my heel and walked away from her. I didn't glance at her but I'm sure she probably looked something like she did last time she was on my floor.

I knew she hadn't stayed here. She and her husband lived in Chicago. They weren't out-of-towners like everyone else. She was lurking on my floor for a reason. I changed into the clothes I had packed in my duffle bag and opened the door hesitantly. Caroline was gone.

I made my way downstairs, passing some of Carlisle and Jasper's distant relatives and some family friends. The last time I'd seen most of these people I was a teenager. I didn't even recognize half of them until they explained who they were.

"_I'm Jasper's (insert relative), the one who (and then insert a dull story here)."_

I nodded and smiled. I remembered Esme directing me to do so when I was 16 and meeting these people for the first time, so I relied on old methods. It seemed to still be charming because they smiled back. Once I was done with the family tree lesson, I wandered into the kitchen and found my mother.

"Edward!" she gasped and smiled.

I looked at her like she was crazy. Her enthusiasm was nice, but I'd seen her hours ago. It was like she was greeting me at the front door all over again. Mom came over and hugged me tightly. She kissed me on the cheek and pushed me over to the island. Carmen slid over a barstool for me while my mom served me breakfast.

It was a little unnerving, having all these women watch you eat breakfast. They weren't like Caroline, but it was still a little uncomfortable. I'm sure I was blushing nearly as bad as Bella, especially with how wistfully my mom was staring at me.

"Ladies, Edward is in love," my mother sighed with pride.

My fork dropped to the plate with a clank.

"Mom," I groaned.

There was a collective giggle. I wasn't going to deny it, but right now was hardly the place to discuss this. Her perceptions, as usual, had brought her to the right conclusion. I didn't even think Alice and Jasper were behind this. They wouldn't reveal that secret. But I really didn't want to confront her suspicions with spectators.

"It's true," she said and walked over to place her hands on my shoulders.

I scowled at her. She really didn't need to go off on a tangent right now. I think everyone was feeling enough of the love this weekend. She really didn't need to go out of her way and throw me in there too.

"He's pretending he's not but I know," Esme winked conspiratorially.

I got a lot of nods and smiles. I wanted to freaking take my plate with me—because this food was amazing—and go find my balls. Surely I had left them in the hallway, because they clearly weren't in this room. I felt like I needed to go punch a wall in or something to prove I was still a man. I wasn't being very masculine now, sitting with a bunch of women, eating breakfast, and talking about love. _Definitely_ manly.

"Mom, please," I begged and hoped the face I was putting was charming.

My mother just rolled her eyes at me.

"Edward, there's nothing to be ashamed about," she insisted.

I looked pointedly at our audience. She was undeterred by my efforts. I rolled my eyes back at her and picked up my plate.

"I have to pack," I said as sternly as I could manage and walked out the kitchen.

The roar of laughter in my absence was so loud I could still hear it when I was across the house. She knew I didn't have to pack. I had brought two outfits and a garment bag for my tux. I planted myself on the couch and cursed Jasper and Alice for taking off for Australia already and leaving me here.

And then I cursed Carlisle later on when he left me alone with my mother on the way to the airport. The excuse he used was total bullshit. It was lame and a total product of some poor idea my mother must have presented him with in order to get me alone. The questions started as soon as the doors shut, seatbelts were fastened, and I was driving. My mother sat in the passenger seat, grinning.

"Edward Anthony you are in love and you are a complete fool if you expect me to believe otherwise," she began.

I exhaled and kept staring out the windshield. A light coating of snow was falling.

"It's complicated," I warned.

Mom scoffed.

"Is love supposed to be easy?" she asked rhetorically.

I was going to make a smartass comment and she shushed me before I could. I smirked at how well she knew me.

"Tell me about her, _please_," Esme begged.

I unhinged my jaw and swallowed.

"Her name's Bella," I started.

"Bella? Didn't you mention a Bella before?"

I glanced at her and smiled. The expression on her face was priceless. I could see literally every brain cell working overtime to try and remember where she'd heard the name before.

"Yes. I have. She is…or was…I don't really know right now to be honest. I guess she _was_ my 'coworker,'" I released one hand from the wheel to make finger-quotations.

"What do you mean _was_?" she wondered.

"Mom, I told you it's complicated."

"I'm just _asking_," Esme shot back, slightly offended by my lack of patience.

I sighed and collected myself. My mother was the last person I should be short-tempered with.

"Bella's an informant for the department, but last month things got a little hairy. With that politician I told you about and all," Esme nodded, "she just got a little overwhelmed and then she and her fiancé broke up so I haven't seen her in a long time. I think she was just scared and rightfully so. I was slipping and honestly, for her protection, it's better this way," I shared.

Mom looked at me regretfully. I knew she pitied my situation and I didn't want that.

"I miss her everyday but it's the choice I've made. I can't change who I am anymore than she can. I love her more than anything but I don't even think she feels the same way. And I don't want pity for that. I just want you to be happy that at least I know what love is and what it feels like. This thing, the way I feel about her, it's real. Real like you and Carlisle," I smiled at her when I finished.

Esme wiped away a few tears and smiled at me.

"Oh! Sweetheart! That was so romantic. You really should tell her how you feel," she urged.

I pursed my lips.

"Mom…" I glanced at her with an expectant look.

She rolled her eyes and waved her arms in exasperation.

"It's complicated. I get it," she sighed.

I smiled at her and reached over to squeeze her hand.

* * *

My mother called—what felt like—every day to ask me about Bella. It got to the point where I became impatient with her small talk and just blurted out that she should ask me already. There was no need to beat around the bush. I knew what she wanted. So she did, and she asked if I'd spoken to her. When my response was no, I knew it disheartened her.

It bothered her even more when I told her I didn't have any intentions of telling her how I felt the next time I spoke to her too. Esme insisted I reconsider, but after nearly a month and a half of not hearing from Bella I'd given up hope. Why would I go and tell her something so major like that after a month and a half of silence?

Work was more hectic than I could imagine. One of the key players in Fiori's "Trinity" was fighting an uphill battle in legal business. John 'Jack' Tenorio was more than likely going to jail for his illegal gambling and racketeering schemes on Fiori's behalf. I had my hands full; gathering evidence, witnesses, statements, accomplices.

I was definitely on Fiori's s(hit) list. Every time I saw him I knew he was plotting ways to kill me. It should have bothered me and worried me but it didn't. I was too focused on my goal and on this thing with Bella. I didn't see Charlie long enough to ever ask him about her. I only knew that she was still staying at his place. I hadn't seen her red truck in her driveway in a month. I checked for her every day. I even checked out the house on occasion to make sure nothing suspect was up.

Things at work were progressing nicely but my personal life was in a shambles. I was constantly alone. I hardly ever went out with Emmett and Rosalie anymore. I stayed at work longer to avoid the emptiness of my apartment. It just didn't feel the same since I'd come back from Chicago. I knew all the pressure was gaining on me but I did my best to ignore it. I was heartbroken but I did my best to hide it.

Bella was really hurting me by forcing this distance between us. I couldn't _be_ understanding about it anymore. It felt too personal. I took it too personally. Emmett tried to broach the subject once or twice but I shut him down before it continued any further than I was willing to go. It felt like at any second this precariously built wall might fall down on top of me and bury me into darkness. At some point it just had to fall. There was always a climax somewhere.

I was late today for work. I had fallen asleep at my dining room table, going over call records between Jack Tenorio and Marco Vega. Vega was responsible for all of Fiori's cocaine business. I slipped into my parking spot and jogged over to the elevator. Everyone was up in arms when I arrived on my floor.

It was like the world couldn't fucking rotate or something without me. It irritated me that everyone seemed so incompetent. I went over some business with Valence, O'Connor, Emmett, and Trigger. And then because the world loves me so much, I got a visit from my favorite person. Richard "I'm-a-total-asshole-yet-somehow -I still-managed-to-become-Assistant-Chief-of-Police" Hirsch. The best part was how he missed the collective groan when he walked in.

"Lieutenant, nice to see you could join us today," he grinned with a smug look on his face.

I wanted to punch him.

"I'm sorry, sir. I was up late. I was looking over records that the D.A. needs," I explained.

I hated that I had to be so submissive but he was my superior, and I liked my job most days. I wasn't about to jeopardize it. He raised an eyebrow and looked at my desk. Richard smirked once again.

"Still driving that girly Volvo, Masen?"

Okay, seriously, fuck my job. No one talks shit about my car. I nearly lunged at him. I saw O'Connor and Trigger exchange a nervous glance. Emmett just grinned along with Valence.

"Still can't get it up for your wife?" I shot back and smirked.

The smile fell off his face and crawled away to hide under the secretary's desk. I was anticipating him telling me I was getting written up that second.

"The Chief wants you to defer to me on the Vega stuff for now," he stated with a stern look and stalked out of my office.

Emmett leaned over and closed my office door. We all started laughing hysterically after he left.

"Holy shit…Lieutenant…how did you…know…that?" Valence gasped out between laughs.

I grinned.

"I may have charmed his secretary into telling me what it is that he's always so anal about taking during the day. Apparently, he's doing a natural treatment. He tried Cialis or something but his hard-on just wouldn't subside. I hear that's not a pretty thing to handle at the hospital."

The laughter erupted again. Eventually we decided to go out for lunch. I stepped out to take a whiz down the hall. When I came back, the guys were waiting outside. I slipped my car keys in my pocket but we ended up just walking down the block to a local joint.

The waitresses were in a flutter over us which was always nice. O'Connor was telling us a story about his girlfriend when my phone went off. I groaned and walked away reluctantly. The story was getting funny. I opened my phone and actually answered without a bark but with a hint of a laugh. I hadn't felt this light in days.

"Hello?"

"Edward?"

My phone dropped from my hands. _Shit._ The battery fell out against the concrete and I prayed to God that it was just a little accident and nothing was broken. Thankfully, the battery slipped into place and my screen turned back on when I pressed the power button. I nearly cried out of joy. I shakily dialed her back and was knocked breathless when I heard her voice again. I hated that I had to feel that way.

"Bella?" I sighed.

"Edward, hi. I-I can't believe it's really you. It feels so long," she murmured.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

_I haven't heard from you in a month and a half! If you didn't call by Saint Patrick's Day I was going to check the obituaries, with a glass of arsenic in hand, just in case._

"Yeah, everything is fine. I'm sorry it's been so long. I just needed to figure out some stuff. I didn't really have much to report on anyway. Ever since I took leave from the SWJ, I haven't been checking in with my source much. Charlie thought I was going through a bout of depression," she giggled as if it were the most ludicrous concept ever.

"Were you?" I wondered quietly.

Bella sighed. The conversation had taken a very serious tone.

"Honestly? Maybe a little, but I'm better now. I know exactly what I want, and where I want to be."

I couldn't argue with the resolve in her voice. It sounded like complete honesty. She didn't _sound_ like she'd just gone through a month of slight depression, though I probably should have figured as much. She'd broken off her engagement with someone she expected to spend the rest of her life with. She wasn't working. She was still a little shell-shocked from Herman. It made sense. Yet it didn't make me feel any better about why she'd been away for so long. It concerned me that she felt that way.

"Are you busy today?" Bella asked in my silence.

"Um, I can make room for you."

I probably shouldn't have agreed but everyone could jump off a cliff for all I cared. I hadn't seen her in a month and a half. There was no way I was passing up such an immediate opportunity.

"Are you sure? I'm not really busy these days," she laughed at her own joke, "I can always wait until it's convenient for you."

"No it's fine. Really. We should see each other."

"Okay. Well, I'm at U-Dub. Can you make it now?"

"Yeah. Sure. I was on lunch anyway."

"Great! I'm in the Suzallo Library. I'll meet you there."

"Alright. Bye, Bella."

"Bye, Edward."

I hung up and let out a breath I didn't know I was stifling. My fingers felt like they had fallen off my hand. My whole body was ready to give out. I was going to see her. After all this time, I was going to see her. It felt like a dream or something. I walked back into the diner like a zombie. The guys looked at me worriedly.

"I have an emergency I need to take care of," I explained.

Emmett nodded. I placed a twenty on the table.

"I'll see you all later."

I walked back towards headquarters. I pressed the alarm for my car and was annoyed when it didn't respond at first. I pressed the button again and the car finally opened. It was probably time for a new battery. I wasn't even sure where the hell I would get one. I'd never replaced a car-lock-battery in my life.

I drove to the library slowly. My mouth was completely dry. It didn't make sense. I'd just had a glass of water and a half in the diner. I should be pissing like a race horse. On my way there, I heard Esme in my head. The more I thought about her insistence that I confront Bella about how I felt the more I considered doing it.

I'd been without her for a month and half. What if next time it was longer? What if next time I never saw her again? Life was short, right? Shouldn't I just bite the bullet? At least then I'd know I told her. I wouldn't have to worry about 'what if's?'

I pulled up to the library but was surprised when Bella was missing. I cut off the engine and sat in my car. After a few minutes, I started to wonder if I was supposed to get out. Or if it was a cruel joke and I really wasn't meeting Bella. Or if maybe it was a set up.

It _was_ pretty random that she called. But then I considered Charlie, and I couldn't imagine Bella would find herself in such a dangerous situation. There was really no safer place to stay than the Chief of Police's house. I looked in my rearview mirror again and smiled instinctively when I saw her walking towards the car. I pressed the unlock button on my side panel. Bella slipped in wordlessly.

"Hi," I smiled.

Bella finally met my eyes and again my heart swelled. She looked even lovelier than I had remembered. Her face wasn't so pale and skeletal like last time. That fire was in her eyes again. The light that emanated from her was brighter than anything I'd seen before. Everything about her just screamed that she was good. To her very core, she was good.

"Hi," she smiled back.

"It's really good to see you," I admitted.

Bella nodded and blushed a little.

"It's good to see you too," she agreed.

After she spoke, she averted her eyes from mine and bit her lip. She was shy about something. I couldn't tell what. Maybe she felt guilty for not speaking to me for so long. Suddenly, she looked back up at me with a sparkle in her eye.

"Do you want to just drive around for a little while?" Bella asked.

I nodded. She grinned and buckled in her seatbelt. I smiled to myself, thinking of the last time she'd been in my car. It seemed like she was meant to sit in that passenger seat. It felt like it was her purpose to be there, right next to me. I turned the car on, pulled away from the curb, and drove off. Bella slipped on a pair of sunglasses as I brought the windows down for some fresh air.

"What's with the glasses?" I asked with a laugh.

Bella smiled in spite of herself.

"I'm doing my best to say hidden these days. Ms. Woods seems to be almost dead and forgotten as of late. I'm hoping maybe I can do the same with Bella," she whispered.

I looked at her questioningly.

"I think maybe I want a new slate," she explained, "I think maybe I want to try and fit in. I want to leave the double life behind. I don't know if it'll work. The odds are stacked against me, but I want to try."

Her response stunned me. I couldn't believe she was so ready to leave her job behind. Or that she even wanted to leave Bella behind. I couldn't let her. I loved Bella.

"Why Bella though? I'm not saying you should have a press conference announcing that you're his daughter, but…I don't know," I trailed off.

"I've made too many mistakes, Edward. I can't risk going for a job and someone realizing that Bella Swan is Bella Woods," she sighed, "I didn't think enough about the consequences. I should have never gone to headquarters. Even Charlie knew this, but we thought it'd always be the double life, and that if someday Woods just disappeared…it wouldn't matter. That those few people who figured out what Isabella Woods looked like would just forget about it. She'd be an illusion. There would be nothing to connect her to Bella."

Bella stared hard at her lap while she spoke. I could tell she'd been thinking about this a lot lately, especially if she was talking about Charlie this way.

"Then why didn't you just leave me too?" I asked.

She tensed for a second. I didn't get my reason for about a minute or two until she finally answered.

"I couldn't," she answered simply.

I was surprised at both the honesty she seemed to express and the fact it seemed so simple. It wasn't this complex series of reasons why she couldn't stop seeing me. It was just that she couldn't. I almost told her right then how I felt but we were sitting in my car and I just didn't want to say something so earth-shattering with the sound of traffic in the distance. I'd like to think I could be a little more romantic than that.

Besides, I didn't know how she'd respond. I figured a full on panic attack would be better in a more comfortable setting than my car. We drove in silence for a long time. When we were on the opposite side of town, we turned around.

"Do you want me to drop you off somewhere?" I inquired.

"Are you going back to headquarters?" she asked.

I nodded.

"I'll go with you. I have some things I want to do around that side of town anyway," she explained.

On the ride to headquarters we shared questions, jokes. It was satisfying to fall back into the nice little groove we'd had prior to our split. I drove into the parking garage and groaned when I noticed my spot was taken. _Who the hell?!_

Bella asked me about the wedding, and I asked her how things were with Jacob. She told me about living with Charlie, and I told her about when I went to the movies with Emmett and Rosalie. I decided to park on the top level of the parking garage. No one ever parked there and I was sick of all the spots being taken.

"Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I went to the movies," Bella mumbled in embarrassment.

She blushed scarlet.

"Christ, Bella. What are you turning into? A 27-year-old spinster? I have to say I think you might be the first," I joked as we neared the top floor for the parking garage.

Bella stuck her tongue out at me in a very mature fashion.

"Seriously, maybe you can turn it into a new wave movement or something. I'm sure you're one of the more progressive spinsters. I mean you wear Vans and swear like a sailor sometimes," I grinned.

"Says the man who's probably never lived with anyone besides his parents," she challenged me with an eyebrow.

"Touché," I added, "but I'm not the one living with my nearly senior citizen-aged dad right now, am I?" I winked to let her know I was just teasing as I put the car in park.

Bella unbuckled her seatbelt as soon as the car stopped. She flipped me off, giggled, and shot out of the car running. _She wants a race, does she?_ I was the fastest runner in my group at the police academy. And I still put my S.W.A.T. team boys to shame at our training camps.

I took after her quickly as I opened my car door and slammed it behind me. I pressed the lock and glanced behind me. I didn't see the car flash, so I jammed the button again and then it happened. A force greater than I expected, knocked me off my feet and forward. I hit my head on something and blacked out.

I don't know how much longer it was when I woke up again but my head was killing me. I opened my eyes drowsily. I noticed a pair of small hands fluttering around my face. It felt like stuff was stuck to my face. I focused my vision and noticed a large fire far away, shards of glass and twisted metal on the floor around it, and smoke billowing up heavily.

"Edward?" a beautiful voice asked with panic.

I looked up and Bella was hovering over me. Her face was anxious and spotted with smoke and dirt. I took time to notice there were no cuts or bruises. She wasn't in the fire then, was she?

"Edward, can you hear me? Do you know where you are? It's me, Bella," she spoke with terror.

I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to think of what had happened. I was with Bella. We were walking, we raced, she smiled, and then. My eyes shot open. I tried to sit up quickly but vertigo took over and I fell back down.

"No! No! Edward, just lay. You can't move. You've got some bad head wounds. I think maybe your wrist is sprained too."

I focused on Bella's voice and then on her, once the world stopped spinning.

"Bella!" I shouted with panic, realizing something.

She looked at me with desperation and fear. She was scared.

"Bella, you have to leave. They'll ask you questions. They'll figure out that you're his daughter. You have to go," I urged.

Bella was already shaking her head furiously.

"No! Not a chance in hell! I can't leave you here! You can't ask me to!"

Her voice broke. I was ready for the tears but they never came. She was so much stronger than I was.

"Yes," I shouted, "leave now! You have to leave now so you can avoid it!"

I realized there were alarms and fire trucks sirens hammering distantly. They were getting progressively closer.

"Hide," I ordered.

I grasped her hands in one of mine and squeezed with as much effort as I could muster. She nodded and released my hands from her own. I could see her hands were trembling. Bella brushed my hair back once and stood up. She froze before she walked away. I knew it was killing her to walk away.

No matter what, we were friends. It went against nature to just leave me here. It would feel the same way if I were in her position. But she knew why I did it. She couldn't argue. I was right. If she ever wanted that chance to start over, she wouldn't get it if she stayed.

My head was still pounding. I coughed from smoke inhalation and then passed out again.

It must have been a long time later, because when I woke up I was surrounded by machines and had an IV connected to my arm. The room was dark except for one light. I looked at my new settings curiously. I pulled out the irritating breathing tube and looked down at my chest.

I noticed a big pile of blonde hair and a pale arm. Rosalie was here. I lifted my hand and brushed her shoulder softly. Rosalie woke up slowly. She seemed to be as unaware of her settings as I had just been. When she noticed me, her eyes grew wide and she shot up.

"Edward. Oh my goodness! Are you okay? The doctor said you had a concussion. We were so worried," she spluttered the words out hurriedly and then started to cry.

I gestured for her to move closer and pulled her in for a hug. Her tears immediately started to soak the thin hospital dress I was wearing. I stroked her hair once before she pulled away.

"Emmett's a wreck, Edward. He called your parents and everything. He's getting breakfast right now, but he'll be back," Rosalie explained.

"What? Rose, what time is it?" I wondered.

"It's nearly 5 A.M.," she glanced at her cell phone.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember exactly everything that happened. My heart monitor registered my panic when I thought about Bella. Rosalie looked at me anxiously. I looked at the door and was pleased to see it was closed.

"Rose, I need your phone. I need to call her."

Rosalie visibly relaxed and smiled a hint of a smile.

"Don't worry, Edward. She's fine. She was smart enough to figure out how to get in contact with Emmett. He spoke to her. She's alright. She had a few minor cuts that just required some home-remedy band aids."

I sighed with relief.

"Does anyone know?"

I didn't really want to know the answer; because if anyone knew she was there it could potentially lead to trouble. She had left the scene of a crime and didn't report it. It was at my insistence but I didn't know if that would matter if it came down to it.

"No. Only her father knows. She couldn't hide it from him," Rosalie answered.

I looked at Rosalie in shock. Emmett told me he hadn't told Rosalie about Charlie and Bella. Rosalie realized what I was thinking and answered before the panic settled in.

"Emmett told me earlier."

I nodded. It wasn't a bullshit reason. He knew there was a possibility I'd wake up. He was being a good officer by thinking ahead. I'd be freaking out if I had to wait for Emmett to answer this for me. I wondered if Emmett just told Bella outright that he knew who she really was or if she had bothered to explain it to him in order to enlighten him as to why she was calling in the first place.

Rosalie sat and told me about all the drama that had happened today. According to her, there was only slight damage to the parking garage unit and it had taken hours to totally remove my once precious Volvo from the parking garage. I gritted my teeth as I thought about the fact I needed a new car now. I had the money to do so, but I didn't want to have to buy a new car.

I was ready to unplug myself from this damn hospital, walk to Danny Fiori's house, and ask him to buy me a new car himself. I was completely positive he was the one behind this. Either that or Fiori's mole had made its first move. The fact it could be a mole's doing actually scared me more than Fiori being the "mastermind" behind it.

The mole had to be someone that knew me and set me up. It irked me that my trust was being shit on. The thing that made my blood boil the most though was the idea that Bella had been only feet away when this happened. Someone was trying to kill _me_ and yet she'd gotten caught in the middle. I didn't even want to think about if she'd been in my car or close enough to it for….

"Rosalie, please distract me," I begged and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Okay," she whispered and began talking about Emmett's parents.

Rosalie's voice went distant after a while. It blurred into the sounds the machines were making until a nurse walked in, followed by Emmett. He sighed at seeing me awake. The nurse introduced herself as Angela and checked me out thoroughly.

I didn't even realize it but I had a pretty bad gash on my forehead and temple. She changed the bandages and checked my sprained wrist. Bella had been spot-on in her diagnosis. After I was given the okay, the nurse disappeared and Emmett and Rosalie ate their breakfast. McDonald's.

"God, Edward. You nearly gave me a heart attack," Emmett scowled at me.

I gave him a blank look.

"I don't really go around trying to find ways to kill myself, Emmett. It wasn't exactly my fault," I said with an edge.

"What the hell do you think my reaction should have been? You were totally zoned out when you left the diner. We all thought something was wrong with you. Trigger was freaking out about you the rest of the afternoon. He was worried something happened with your shrink or something. And then we get rocked by a freaking explosion and _you're,_ at the scene, passed out," Emmett sighed in exhaustion.

"I was zoned out because _she_ called me. That's why I was there in the first place," I replied quietly.

Emmett looked at me uneasily as he placed his egg McMuffin back down.

"Edward, she told me what happened. You should have texted me or something and given me a heads up. We were all worried."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I hadn't really thought about that. I nodded my head at Emmett in apology. I didn't mean to freak him out. I was sure they'd evacuated the building after the explosion. It had to have rattled his bones to find out his best friend was involved.

I asked him about my parents to distract myself. He told me it took speaking to Carlisle and some serious negotiating to get my mother to agree not to visit right now. We didn't know who was keeping tabs on me and where. I didn't need my parents to become a new target.

When a different nurse came in to check on me, she urged Emmett and Rosalie to leave. I didn't like that. I wanted the nice nurse, Angela, to come back again. Emmett and Rosalie left grudgingly but promised to come back later. I ended up falling asleep despite my determination not to. I was afraid of getting poisoned in my sleep or something. I was startled from my sleep by someone shaking me roughly. I opened my eyes and Charlie was sitting in the chair next to my bed.

"Sir," I spoke hoarsely.

I cleared my throat and waited. Charlie looked livid. I didn't quite understand why.

"You're done," he stated simply.

I looked at him confusedly. I was fired? What had I done wrong?

"Bella is no longer your responsibility. She will no longer be helping the department. It's over."

My mouth fell open. I couldn't believe he was telling me this.

"You have failed miserably at your job of keeping her safe. If it wasn't because you've done a good job everywhere else I'd fire you _right now_. My daughter was nearly murdered because of your carelessness. I know you were informed of the mole and you had the _nerve_ to meet with her anyway. I don't want you anywhere near her from here on out. You have no responsibility for her any longer. And as a father, I'm telling you to stay the _hell_ away from my daughter," he seethed.

I gaped at him. Stay away from Bella? Forever? The idea was unfathomable. Was he just saying this because he was angry or did she want this too? She had to know I was sorry. I would never mean to put her in danger.

Charlie stood up abruptly, gave me one last disgusted look, and walked out the door without a word. I ran a hand through my hair and closed my eyes. I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt a tear run down my cheek quickly. I wiped it away and clenched my eyes tight to keep the tears away.

I couldn't be without her. I couldn't live in this city, walk this earth, knowing that she was out there and I couldn't see her. It pained every inch of my body to think of the idea. Life without Bella was not life. It was a cheap imitation.

The rest of the day dragged. I was still having headaches. I woke when the nurses came to check on me, or some detectives came to ask me questions, but otherwise I slept. It was an escape from reality. Reality was that I wasn't allowed to speak to or see Bella ever again.

After Rosalie and Emmett went home for dinner at my insistence I picked up the hospital phone. I dialed her number from memory and waited. During my conversations with Emmett and Rosalie I realized something.

"Hello?" she asked curiously, clearly not recognizing the number.

"Bella. It's Edward."

I heard her gasp.

"Edward! I'm so happy to hear from you. I've been worrying about you all day," Bella admitted, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. If I'm lucky I'll be out of here first thing in the morning."

"That's good. I'm so happy everything is okay. You have no idea what it was like for me…to just leave you," she croaked, "I waited until I saw your ambulance leave. I just had to make sure."

I rubbed my eyes and bit my tongue for a moment while I debated how to respond.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have been so curt. I just…I didn't want your fresh start to be ruined by my own problems. I'm so, so, so sorry for dragging you in this. I swear I had no idea. I should have known better. I promise I had no intention of hurting you. That's the last thing I could want."

"I know, Edward. I understand. I'm not mad about it at all."

"You're not?"

"No," she laughed uneasily, "why would I be?"

I didn't answer the question. So _it was Charlie behind this separation._ It made sense and he was 100% right. Whether I had meant to hurt Bella or not was irrelevant. She was going to be a risk in this situation no matter what. I needed to do right by her, so I clenched my jaw before I said the most untrue thing I'd ever have to say in my life.

"Bella, I can't see you anymore. It's too dangerous and your safety is too high of a risk. I think it's better if you stay away from me. The department doesn't need your help anymore, and I just can't do this anymore."

I waited with my breath held.

"What?" she asked in disbelief.

I sighed.

"This thing, what happened yesterday, showed me a lot. Whether I put my best foot forward or not, things are dangerous. You're too much of a liability and I can't be responsible for you anymore. Yesterday was too close and I can't let things get that out-of-hand ever again. You said you wanted a clean slate so I'm giving you one. You've got one less person to worry about. I'll make you an illusion," I lied with her words from yesterday.

Bella stayed quiet on the other line.

"Okay?" she asked with uncertainty.

I could hear the slight hysteria in her voice.

I didn't want to do this but I had to. We reached our climax. Our breaking point was met. And now we had to go our separate ways before this entire thing took us away from each other permanently. If it didn't stop now, someone would surely die.

It couldn't be her. And it couldn't be me. I allowed myself, for the first time ever, to really consider the hypothetical. What if I was with her? What if she was the one who met me at home every night and I never _came_ home? I couldn't bear to see her in pain that way. What if she was my girl and someone who shouldn't know that did?

I couldn't bear to think of her being a target because of me. She was too special to me to waste her time with a love that might not always last. I decided. I needed to put distance between us. Maybe if I pushed her away I could muster the strength to stay away and keep the danger that revolved around me away from her. I didn't know if I'd be able to but from now on I'd try.

And that was my realization.

There was something between us and it was growing. It needed to squash it before it got out of hand. It would never work with Bella. I would personally make sure of it.

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Reviews are wanted!! Last chapter we had a significant dip in reviews, so please don't fail on me now guys ;) Just leave a quick word or comment. I read and appreciate them all. (Sorry to the anonymous reviewers that I can't reply to -- you guys are _not_ forgotten)

A few announcements: a new sideshot will be posted immediately after this chapter; a new poll is up -- vote for the outtake from this chapter you'd like to read most; and last but not least -- **the one-shot is upon us! **In 2-3 chapters (give or take) the one-shot from the original will finally make it's appearance. Insert fangirl screams and reviews....NOW!

Oh, and (if you're still reading) there's a blog. It answers everything about the explosion and other things about this chapter.


	25. Chapter 25

Okay, there was a major delay in updating and I'm sorry. This chapter was hard to write and I wanted it to be as perfect as possible. It's a super important chapter. My beta looked over it, and she's a fan of the story, so if this chapter sucks you can blame her ;) I'm not happy with this chapter still, but hopefully you guys will like it.

I should preface this chapter by saying it's kind of all over the place. Bella is trying to figure out what she's doing in life, with Edward, with Charlie etc. It's a lot of back and forth between what she thinks she should do and what she wants to. Just bear with her and let her figure out what she should do.

There are two songs for this chapter: Please Don't Stop the Rain by James Morrison & Lying in the Hands of God by the Dave Matthews Band

_I don't own Twilight, but Summit is going to own me this summer with all the New Moon teasing! ;)_

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**Bella Swan**

"Bella? Are you okay? You look out-of-it," Charlie inquired in his gruff voice.

I looked up from my plate and saw his concerned expression. It sort of surprised me. Every time I'd seen him lately, he looked preoccupied or tightly wound, as if something were troubling him. I blinked once and realized he was waiting for my response.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine," I murmured and looked back at my plate.

It was a lie. I wasn't fine. I was thinking of Edward, just like I'd been doing for the last two weeks. I hadn't spoken to him since he called me from the hospital. The conversation still made little sense to me. He was so…_abrupt_. Something had happened—apart from the accident—that had changed him. I couldn't bring myself believe it was only the accident. It just felt…_off_. Something was amiss. It was the whole reason for my anxiety these days. I knew it was affecting my mood but I couldn't bring myself to change that. There was a mystery and I was going to solve it. I heard Charlie fold his newspaper and scoot his chair back.

I looked up at him. He was dressed in his nice work clothes. I never commented on how his hair seemed to be getting grayer these days. Age was a sore spot for Charlie. He expected to be fighting crime until he breathed his last breath. And it always worried me that it might come down to that.

"I'll be back late. We're reassigning some officers to and from the Fiori Fiasco," Charlie sighed.

I nibbled on my bottom lip. There was something off with Charlie these days too.

"Why are you reassigning officers? Isn't it a little belated for that?" I wondered.

Charlie's eyes narrowed infinitesimally.

"We're trying not to compromise..._security_," Charlie lied through his teeth.

I could tell he was lying. Or at least not being completely honest. I nodded as I should and let it go. That would have to wait to be analyzed. Charlie leaned forward, placed a kiss on my head, and walked into the kitchen. I glanced at the back porch. It was still dark outside. His level of dedication was truly impressive.

I waited until he left and then went onto the computer. I read all the news I could on the progression in the cases with Fiori's business. Tenorio was still in court, fighting tooth and nail, in hopes of getting at least a "nice" plea bargain. Vega was as stoic as a Greek statue, holding up a lot of the progression on his case. And Fiori was playing dumb.

I shut the computer off and busied myself around the house. I was feeling so useless as of late. In the afternoon, I was surprised by an unexpected phone call.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Bella? It's Seth."

I nearly choked on the dry cereal I had been munching on. I cradled the phone between my neck and ear and sat on a bar stool at the island.

"Seth? Wow. I didn't expect to hear from you," I said in awe.

He laughed uneasily.

"I know. Listen, I'm sorry I haven't called until now. It's just after the…well; I didn't want to add salt to any wounds."

I nodded to myself.

"I understand. It's fine, Seth, really. You don't owe me anything. I don't want you to feel guilty about anything. What happened with Jake," I nearly stuttered his name, "was entirely my fault. He's practically your family and I understand the sensitivity. You all have every right to hate me."

My voice progressively lowered. I had slowly but surely started to move on from Jacob but the guilt I felt was still there. It resonated within me often. I had made so many mistakes and it wasn't fair that Jacob paid the price for them. All he wanted was to be loved and love in return.

"Bella, no one hates you. Jacob would be disgusted to hear that. No matter what happened he could never hate you."

I sighed.

"I really am sorry. I didn't mean for it to end that way. I know he didn't get all the answers he wanted, but I just couldn't explain it to him then. There's a lot that can't be easily explained. I wasn't as honest as he will always deserve."

"Look, you don't need to explain anything to me. Whatever happened is between you two. I just wanted to call and check up on you. Are you busy tomorrow night? I know you and Jake are, you know, but I'd really like to see you. I still think of you as a good friend."

I bit my lip and tugged at the hair closest to my scalp. Was I ready to re-immerse myself into that part of my life? Was it too soon? I still wasn't too sure where I was headed with Edward. He'd basically ended our —there wasn't even a word for it — but that didn't mean I was resigned to his decisions.

I was an adult. He wasn't making choices for me, at least not until I got some answers. I noticed my hypocrisy right then and internally groaned. My decision was made. I needed to see Seth. If I expected Edward to consider me in his decisions then Jacob deserved the same. It was one small step in the right direction.

"Sure. Let's see each other tomorrow. Do you want to eat somewhere?"

"Yeah. How about we go to that steakhouse? You know the one where we took Leah for her birthday?"

I smiled at the memory. That had been a fun birthday.

"Perfect. Let's meet around 7-ish. Is that okay?"

"Absolutely. I'll see you tomorrow night, Bella."

"Kay. Bye Seth!"

"Bye Bella."

I hung up the phone. I exhaled and realized I felt a little lighter. There was a bit of resolved tension that I found with that simple conversation.

I decided to head to the library. I was avoiding the use of my truck at all costs because of its conspicuous look so I decided to walk. The walk to the library was long and cold but I found it to be a good time to utilize for thinking. I took inventory of all the facts surrounding Edward and his recent behavior. He did have a tendency to come off as bipolar at times, but the tone in his voice spoke more than some erratic behavior.

There was a catalyst somewhere that sparked his reaction. His abrupt, _"Bella, I can't see you anymore,"_ played in my head like a broken record. He was apologetic at the beginning of the conversation. His voice was laced with desperation for me to forgive him. As far as I was concerned there was nothing to forgive but clearly he thought differently.

Was it because I didn't blame him for what happened that he was shoving me away? Maybe this was an instance where Charlie would say I wasn't reacting enough. Maybe Edward felt the same way about me. I chewed the inside of my cheek as I entered the library and went immediately to the romance section. I needed something to distract me.

I read the synopsis on each book and found myself getting exhausted by the drama and idealism of the plotlines. Didn't people realize love wasn't a fairytale or Sex Fest 09? Even the novels where a plot apparently took place they were overshadowed by "skilled fingers" or "tender kisses." I glared at the heroine on the novel cover before slipping the book back into its rightful place.

I decided to browse the self-help section. Maybe I could help myself to stop obsessing over nothing. Maybe I was taking this Edward thing too far. What if he was just exhausted by me and really wanted to end things? It was a hard pill to swallow but I considered it. Though the chances were slim, it wasn't completely doubt-free. It was still a possibility.

I skipped over everything having to do with crime, mystery, and newspapers. I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. I realized this was probably how celebrities felt when they constantly saw their faces on tabloid magazines. You were sick of seeing yourself through the eyes of people who didn't have the slightest clue what life was really like.

I ended up leaving the library with nothing. The night had gotten colder so I circled my arms around my waist. I walked down the street and noticed a new bookstore chain was opening. Suddenly I walked into someone.

"Oof!" I muttered as I stumbled back.

I just barely steadied myself as the random person leaned forward to help me.

"Shit, I'm sorry," a man responded.

I brushed my coat off and looked at the random man. He had jet black hair that was cut very closely to his head. He looked like an ex-military man. His eyes were a familiar blue but I knew I'd never seen this man before. I smiled meekly at him and mumbled my reply. His hardened face lightened for the slightest instant before he walked past me. An elusive memory was haunting me as I stood dumbstruck for a moment.

I looked over my shoulder and saw the broad man glance back in my direction with an appreciative smile. I clutched my coat once again and continued on home, eager to be as far away from the unsettling man. I set the proper alarms when I got back to Charlie's place.

I knew he'd be in late tonight and I just felt uncomfortable. I half-considered calling Edward but I didn't want to sound ridiculous. I fell asleep on the couch watching TV. I woke up groggily when I heard Charlie come into the house. I yawned and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

"Dad?" I mumbled.

Charlie looked haggard and worn down as he placed his briefcase on the kitchen table. I shut off the television and met him in the kitchen. He grabbed a beer and took a well-deserved gulp.

"Rough day?" I prodded.

He gave me a look.

"The FBI has officially joined forces with us on the Fiori case. I just love how after my men do all the dirty work, they swoop in, and start thinking they can call the shots," he sighed.

I gave him an apologetic look. I had been expecting this for quite a while. I think Charlie had too but was avoiding it.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

He shrugged, threw away his emptied beer bottle, and exited the kitchen.

"Goodnight," he called out and disappeared down the corridor to his bedroom.

I silently reset the alarms and slipped into bed. Sleep overcame me and before I knew it I was sitting with Charlie at the breakfast table again.

"I don't know why you wake up at this hour with me, Bella. I highly doubt you stay up after I leave anyway," Charlie spoke while not taking his eyes off the newspaper.

I shrugged.

"I don't really ever see you. I figure I, at least, get to spend a few minutes with you during breakfast."

Charlie looked away from the paper finally and at me. He gave me a small smile and sipped his black coffee.

"I'm going to be late again."

"It's fine. I have plans tonight," I assured him.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Seth asked me to dinner tonight."

Charlie's expression didn't change. I sighed.

"We haven't really spoken since January. He just wanted to make sure I was doing okay and everything. Besides, no matter what happened with Jacob, he and I are still friends. Seth's always been a good friend."

Charlie didn't say anything. Instead he looked back at his paper and studiously ignored me. I was really starting to resent him. The attitude was wholly unnecessary and uncalled for. I knew he was still angry with me for the incident with Edward two weeks ago but _honestly_. I had a feeling part of the current anger was from his displeasure with my decision to break things off with Jacob.

In the same manner Jacob had, Charlie wanted answers as to why I had broken up with Jake. When I couldn't and refused to give him answers, he turned away exasperated. Charlie was convinced I'd never find love again. I had thrown away "the one." And granted I knew relationships were a sore spot for him, because of my mother, I didn't appreciate his need to voice his negativity.

He was isolating himself from me and I was hurt by it. Charlie was the only one I had anymore. I didn't have friends. I didn't have coworkers. I didn't have family—apart from Marie. And I didn't have anyone to love. The one person whose responsibility it was to love me unconditionally was suddenly failing on me. If I thought I was alone before, it was nothing compared to now. I couldn't just pick up the phone and call my mother. I couldn't stop by headquarters and rely on Edward to show me why I still had faith in the goodness of people.

I got up and stalked away from the table. I closed my bedroom door with a little more noise than necessary. Charlie would know I was mad too. After debating between six outfit choices, changing my hairstyle twice, and wearing a ton of deodorant, I found myself waiting anxiously for Seth to arrive. I drummed my nails against the table and glanced at the restaurant entrance often. When he walked in, I sighed. He walked over with a smile and hugged me.

"You look great, Bells," he grinned.

My heart tugged a little at the nickname. I couldn't be sure I'd ever hear that from Jacob again.

"So do you," I managed a weak smile back.

Seth noticed my change in mood and frowned.

"Hey. What's wrong?" he wondered.

"Is it bad that I miss him? It's just…no matter what he was my best friend. I never wanted it to end this way."

I felt traitorous tears and pushed them back diligently. I looked down at my lap and sniffed a little. I was afraid the next word I spoke would do me in. Seth titled my chin up and gave me a soft look.

"It's okay to cry," he whispered.

My eyes moistened with tears and I smiled weakly at him. I took a deep breath and was thankful none of them made it past my lashes.

"Bella, you're not giving him enough credit. He knows you love him and I think in a reasonable amount of time maybe you two can be friends again. It's just too soon for him right now. I still don't— nor do I want to—know the details of what happened. For him it just left him blindsided. He would have never guessed you two breaking up in a million years. Give him a little time, he'll come around. He misses you more than you can imagine."

I placed my head in my hands and tried to steady my breathing. I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't cry in front of Seth like this. I wouldn't cry in this restaurant. I felt Seth's warm hand rub my arm and I did my best to release the tension in my body. I blinked a few times before I emerged. Seth waited.

"I didn't come here to upset you, Bella. How about we just order? Is that okay?"

I nodded and grabbed my menu. The rest of dinner progressed in a much simpler and lighter manner. I was happy for the shift. I was waiting for the morning I'd wake up and have all of this angst and drama behind me. I was tired of being stuck in emotional limbo. I perked up with I heard Seth chuckle to himself. I smiled.

"What's so funny?" I asked curiously.

Seth smirked to himself and shook his head.

"Oh! C'mon. Tell me!" I begged

"Okay. Promise not to get mad or laugh?" he asked conditionally.

I nodded my assent.

"Well, there's this girl. She's been hanging around Jake's job lately according to Paul. Apparently she's pretty young—an undergrad supposedly—and she's been mooning over Jacob since he fixed the dent she made in her father's Bentley."

I raised my eyebrows. I knew Jacob was good-looking. There was no getting around the fact so I was unsurprised. I _was_ surprised by reaction though. My first instinct was jealousy, yet after I let logic takeover I found myself amused by his admirer. We'd had such a long history together, been engaged, yet I couldn't find it within myself to be angry. I was somewhat happy, possibly relieved. It was nice.

"Paul said her name's Nessie or something like that. Strange name," Seth murmured to himself, "Anyway, she's supposed to be pretty resilient. He says she doesn't talk much but that she's a master at the bedroom eyes. It's been a running joke for the last week."

Seth laughed loudly. I giggled along with him until my breath caught in my throat. I saw Rosalie and Emmett making their way across the dining area. She was dressed in a cocktail dress and Emmett was dressed nicely as well. He was beaming at her. Emmett looked away for just a moment and caught my eye. He stumbled and I panicked.

The air caught in my lungs and I started to gasp. I swallowed the water in my glass quickly when Seth realized what was happening. He leaned forward to help me and suddenly there were two figures looming over our table. I looked up. Rosalie was pleased to see me and Emmett looked terrified.

"Bella, hi," Rosalie smiled.

I was brought up short by her use of my nickname. Every time I'd spoken to Rosalie she'd used Iz or Isabella. I smiled awkwardly.

"Hey, Rosalie. Emmett," I nodded.

I glanced at Seth. He was staring at me.

"This is my friend Seth Clearwater. Seth this is Rosalie Hale and Emmett McCarty. We have…a mutual friend," I explained.

Seth shook their hands and smiled at me. _Right._ I was the one who knew everyone here.

"Um. So how are you two? You look great. Special occasion?" I hoped to be charming.

Rosalie smiled.

"We're good. Today is Emmett's birthday so I'm treating him to dinner at his favorite restaurant," Rosalie elaborated.

I nodded. Emmett smiled quickly. He didn't look as terrified but he still seemed uncomfortable.

"Happy Birthday Emmett," I said with a smile, hoping to relax him.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"What about you?" Rosalie inquired, completely oblivious to the tension between Emmett and me.

"Um, just catching up with Seth here."

Seth nodded in agreement. He seemed excited to know I knew people outside of my father and Jacob's friends. Too bad they weren't really my friends. They were Edward's and he'd basically broken up with me. I sort of assumed if he wasn't going to continue being…whatever the hell we were…then friends were sort of included. Emmett seemed to think so. He was shooting daggers at Rosalie.

"That's nice. I can't believe how long it's been since I've seen you. What was it? Christmas?" Rosalie guessed correctly.

"Yeah. Just before Christmas."

Rosalie shook her head.

"We should get together sometime. Do you have a cell phone? We'll do drinks or lunch or something," she grinned.

I froze. I glanced at Emmett surreptitiously. He looked like he wanted a black hole to appear and swallow him whole. I looked back at Rosalie. Her expression was slowly turning crestfallen.

"Um, sure," I said quickly, "I'd love to hang out sometime."

I quickly jotted down my phone number with a pen from my purse and handed it to Rosalie. She shoved it in her over packed clutch and smiled one last time.

"Good to see you Bella. Nice meeting you Seth. I'll call you soon!" Rosalie said as she and Emmett began to walk away.

I waved her off and sighed. Seth was studying me.

"Bella Swan knows people?" he joked.

I rolled my eyes and threw my napkin at him. He chuckled once again. Seth and I split dessert and decided to call it a night. He offered to drive me home and I agreed after much persuasion on his part. It _was_ late and cold outside. I walked into the house and was surprised to see Charlie watching the ending of a Mariner's game. I looked at him curiously as I pulled my coat off.

"I thought you were going to be late."

Charlie shrugged. I bit my tongue—literally—and walked past him to my bedroom.

I really hated this separation between us. It wasn't right. Charlie and I were closer than any father-daughter pair I'd ever seen. There was a storm brewing and it bothered me. We were long past the calm and I had a hunch things would turn really explosive soon. I got my stubbornness from him, so I couldn't expect him to grow up and finally admit what it was that was bothering him.

I needed to be the bigger person and right then I just didn't have it in me. I was angry with him. I wanted to scratch the surface to spark a similar fire within him. The passive-aggressiveness was irritating. I just wanted him to come out and say it. I was hoping maybe the right buttons would get me the result.

A few nights later I found myself in a high-end bar with Rosalie. I dressed up but tugged at my clothes uncomfortably. Rosalie was drawing the attention of nearly every male in the room. I felt horribly embarrassed by my simple blue dress and flats. We sat at the bar and sipped on fruity drinks.

"So, have you spoken to Edward lately?" she asked with a knowing smirk.

"Honestly," I sighed, "I have no idea what's going on with him. I haven't spoken to him in two and a half weeks. It's starting to feel like I never will."

I shifted in my seat and avoided Rosalie's gaze. Edward was a sore spot for me and I didn't want my mood to put a damper on my time out with Rosalie. It was more than I had any right to expect from her. She'd made me feel like a normal human being by asking me to hang out. I didn't feel so socially defective. Rosalie placed a hand over my twitching fingers.

"Bella, I know. I get it," she said rather cryptically.

I frowned at her.

"Get what?"

"You've got feelings for him. I see it. So does Emmett. The only one who's clueless to it is Edward!" she laughed.

I opened my mouth to argue but her look dared me to do so. I bit my lip and looked at my lap.

"I'm trying not to be so transparent. I know he's dealing with a lot. I don't want to push him but it's not fair to me anymore. I just need to know what he wants."

Rosalie didn't interrupt and waited for me to continue. I think she sensed I was about to spill my guts.

"I've made so many mistakes. With him. With Jacob. I just…I don't want to make any more of them. I'm trying to respect his wishes. For whatever reason he's convinced he's dangerous and that I'm a risk, but it's so hard to stay away. I honestly don't know if I can hold out much longer."

I sighed and looked at Rosalie. Maybe she could help me out. I was at a loss of what to do anymore. I just needed someone to help me out. I needed some answers.

"Bella, Edward is completely miserable right now. We hardly see him and when we do it's like he's not even there. I mean what exactly did he tell you? Why haven't you seen him?"

"He told me he didn't want to see me anymore. He told me I was too risky. After the bomb incident he called me and ended things."

Rosalie's eyes narrowed and her expression became contemplative.

"It doesn't make any sense though. He looks like he's in prison or something. Why would he do that when he so clearly doesn't want to be away from you?"

I shrugged.

"I've been trying to figure that out for weeks. I mean we're friends. He should want to see me right?" I asked, needing reassurance desperately.

"Bella, sweetie, you two are more alike than you know," Rosalie chuckled to herself.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you really that blind too? He's not _that_ upset over losing a friend! Tell me you don't _honestly_ believe he only cares for you like that," Rosalie looked at me incredulously.

"I don't want to make assumptions," I mumbled and fidgeted.

She titled her head back and laughed harder.

"Bella, he's crazy about you!"

I cocked my head to the side.

"He's got a funny way of showing it," I retorted.

She smiled at me and steadied her breathing. Rosalie become serious and leaned forward.

"Edward is a very passionate person. When he loves someone, he loves them fiercely. When he wants to protect someone he cares about," she trailed off.

"So you're saying it's going to be difficult?" I winced.

"Unless you convince him that what he's worrying about is trivial, there's no stopping what he's set in motion. Find out what triggered his panic, and you'll have some leverage. It won't be easy and I'm not guaranteeing anything, but try. He needs you, Bella."

"What if I'm wrong? What if he doesn't want me anymore? I don't want to push him too far," I murmured.

Rosalie stared me at.

"Do you like having decisions made for you?"

I blinked.

"No."

"Then do something about it! Make him see that you're an adult. He can't just make decisions about your relationship and not consult you."

"But I've done the same in return. I don't want to be a hypocrite."

Rosalie laughed once again.

"Edward isn't _made_ to do anything. If you told him to sell his car—he would. He might not have liked that you pushed him away but he was willing to do it if that's what he thought you wanted. This thing between you guys now, it's not what either of you want. _Do something about it!_" Rosalie ordered.

I was going to say the first time this happened wasn't what I wanted either but she gave me a look. She had a point. I didn't want to be away from Edward the first time, but maybe it had been necessary. I internally groaned. This entire situation was a mess. I hadn't the slightest clue what to do. So I decided in that moment that I would do what I wanted.

Consequences be damned, I wasn't going to let Edward push me away. He was giving into his own fear by worrying over nothing. If there was something to face, then we'd face it together, not run away from it. At the end of the day, his job, his title, none of it mattered.

I didn't want Lieutenant Masen. I wanted Edward. All of him. The things about him that frustrated me and the things about him that made my heart soar. There was something between us and even through the distance it was still propelling forward.

"I hate that he's an officer," I admitted, "Did you know that?" I asked her.

Rosalie looked dumbfounded.

"No," she shook her head, "I would have never guessed. Why?"

"I'm scared a lot the time. I'm scared someone will hurt him. I'm scared someone will hurt my father. I can't do anything to protect them. Edward thinks what he's doing is best so I appreciate it, but he's so wrong. As much as I worry for him, I would never ask him to quit his job or give it up for me. I know it makes him happy."

She looked at me apologetically and leaned forward to give me a hug.

"It'll work out. I know it will," she said reassuringly.

I had two more drinks with Rosalie before hailing a cab home. She offered me a ride with her and Emmett but I just couldn't bring myself to sit in a car with him. After talking to Rosalie, I knew Emmett had to know more than even she did. He probably blamed me for Edward's depression. I wanted him to know I was going to do everything I could to change that but I just couldn't face his accusatory gaze right then.

I walked into the big empty house and took in the silence. When I got to my room, I went straight to my dresser. I found the familiar bracelet and fingered the charms wistfully. I missed him so much. I missed seeing his face and his smile. I missed his strong scent and voice. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt drops of water fall onto my fingers. I climbed into bed and fell asleep crying. The following morning I woke up and Charlie was hovering over my bed.

"Dad! Gees! You scared me," I gasped.

"Your mother called."

I sat up and clutched the sheets.

"I came home and found a message on the machine. Where were you last night?"

"I went for drinks with a friend."

Charlie's eyebrows furrowed.

"Who?"

I sighed. I really didn't feel up to the Spanish Inquisition.

"Um, do you know Sergeant McCarty's girlfriend, Rosalie?"

Charlie's face flashed with anger for a minute. Then he stonewalled and I nearly forgot about his anger in the first place. The change happened so quickly. My defenses flared up.

"Do you have something against Rosalie Hale?" I asked with raised eyebrows.

"No. I just wish you would stop implementing yourself into the lives of those people, Bella. I told you not to involve yourself anymore after the explosion. You're only making things harder on yourself and on them. Just cut the ties loose. You did fine the other night seeing Seth, but, of course, when you take a step forward," he stopped himself short.

The anger in his voice was progressively rising. I gave him a look, challenging him.

"Finish what you were going to say," I dared.

He scowled at me.

"I'm going to be late," he said curtly and exited without another sound.

When I heard the front door slam shut, I took the clock off my nightstand threw it at the bedroom door. I was so angry! I threw the covers off and showered. I couldn't tell where my tears began and ended through the steady stream of water. After having breakfast, I stepped into the living room. It was overcast today and a storm seemed to be brewing.

I checked the local news channel and my suspicions were confirmed. Around 10 A.M. the rain began. The sky was completely dark. I sat by my bedroom window and watched the wind howl and gasp. Eventually I found myself getting tired so I decided on a nap.

"_Bella?"_

_I looked behind me at the sound of my name being called. I craned my neck but was unable to see through the thick fog on the harbor._

"_Bella?" the voice called again._

_I was elated when I saw who stepped through the fog. Edward smiled at the sight of me and held his arms open. I was propelled forward. I hadn't even realized I was running. I ran and ran until suddenly I was in his warm arms. I'd missed him so much. _

_A loud firing sound rang out. I cringed at the noise. Edward's arms loosened a bit. I looked up at him to ask him what was wrong. Edward's eyes were wide and shocked. His mouth hung open. His face was abnormally pale. I looked at him in horror. There was something terribly wrong with Edward._

"_Edward?" I asked with panic._

_Edward started to kneel, as if his knees were giving out. I lowered down to the ground with him. He gulped and finally his eyes focused on mine. His hand reached up weakly to brush my cheek. My eyes were brimming with tears. Something was off. I knew it._

"_Edward?!" I asked again but this time it was a strangled cry._

"_Bella," he whispered, "I'm so sorry."_

_I looked into his fading green eyes. His face was losing color rapidly. It was then that I felt the warm, thick, liquid run past my fingers. I removed one arm from around his waist and realized his blood coated my fingertips. _

"_Edward," I whispered, not wanting to believe the blood existed._

_My focus shifted when I noticed a figure become clearer through the fog. The person walked straight towards us. I looked back at Edward. His eyes were slipping to a close._

"_NO!" I screamed._

"No! No!" I shouted and waved my arms.

Two hands caught mine and my eyes snapped open. I woke from the dream. I looked over and saw Charlie looking at me. His skin was pale. He looked as though he'd seen a ghost. My breathing was rapid. Charlie released my arms when he realized I was fully awake and pressed a palm to my forehead.

"Bella, what happened? You're burning up," he said with worry.

I looked around the room quickly, making sure I was really awake. It was still raining and it was dark outside. I assumed it was sometime at night. _It was just a dream._ I swallowed to moisten my dry mouth.

"It…it was just a dream," I replied somewhat dazed.

Charlie looked at me with a worried expression. I hadn't seen him look so _human_ in weeks.

"I'm going to get you some Tylenol. Wait here," he instructed.

I sat up in bed as he walked out of the room. The only light came from the lamp on my nightstand. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. It had only been a dream—more accurately, a nightmare. I closed my eyes and pushed back the tears.

I needed to stop crying. I didn't like feeling so weak. Renee had always been tactless, so for self-preservation reasons I'd learned how to keep myself from crying. I taught myself not to cry so she didn't have to feel so guilty all the time. Her sometimes thoughtless actions hurt me more than she knew. It had ended up paying off. Charlie was never good with crying.

"Here you go," Charlie said, returning with two pills and a glass of water.

I took the pills from him and swallowed them down with a gulp of water. Charlie sat on the edge of the bed and studied me.

"I'm worried about you, Bella."

I stared at him.

"I think maybe you should visit your mom. Maybe a change of scenery would be nice for you. Seattle's given you nothing but trouble these last few months. Maybe you can try that new start too. Get a real opportunity for it," he suggested.

I averted my eyes to the bed sheet. This was something we had discussed before the incident with Edward. I told him I didn't want to leave. As much trouble as it was being in Seattle, I couldn't see myself leaving. So many things were unresolved, especially with Edward. I would never be able to leave without knowing. I shook my head and he sighed.

"You're being unreasonable. There's nothing here for you anymore! Not your job. Not your fiancé. No friends. No one," Charlie argued with bitterness.

I looked at him with a sharp expression. _How dare he?!_ He'd completely shifted from the concerned father I'd seen just seconds ago.

"There's more for me in Seattle than there is anywhere else! I wouldn't have a fiancé, friends, or a satisfying job any other place either."

Charlie scoffed.

"How would you know? You haven't even given thought to the idea! You act as though Seattle is the only place where bad guys exist and a few good guys live, waiting on the right girl to marry."

I glared at him murderously.

"If you want me to move out or leave, just say it! You don't have to come up with this ridiculous pretense."

"Bella, I'm not telling you this because I want you to leave me. I'm telling you this because I want you to be safe God damnit!"

I waited. His rant didn't seem to be close to ending.

"I didn't want to bring it up again, but it seems I'll have to. It seems I have to remind you that you were nearly _killed_ earlier this month! I need to remind you that you're struggling to find your place in this world because you cornered yourself into a fake identity! Don't you dare try and fault me for doing anything I can to make sure you're safe. You've done little on your own part to secure that."

"Oh? So _that's_ what you really think of my job. Funny how you never brought up before!"

"Are you kidding me? You've always known how I felt about 'Isabella Woods'. I never wanted this for you! I should have never let you done this."

I laughed bitterly.

"I am 27-years-old. You don't _let_ me do anything," I snarled.

"And I'm father and I say you need to leave Seattle. You quit the SWJ and I already told you that you're no longer of service to the department. Let it go and move on! If you have no interest in reconciling things with Jacob, or Seth, or anyone from that part of your life then there's point in you being here. No more Rosalie, Emmett, and especially not Edward."

My jaw dropped. I pushed away from the sheets and started to grab things randomly. I was done. I had a home I could go to. If he didn't want me around anymore that was fine. I'd return to the one part of my life he had no control over. He couldn't sell my house. He couldn't kick me out.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing?" he asked in exasperation.

"I'm leaving," I stated, "Did you forget I have a house of my own?"

"It's raining. You won't be able to catch a bus at this time."

"My truck's here. I'll manage."

He grabbed the clothes out of my hand and threw them across the room.

"NO!" he shouted.

I pushed past him and picked up the discarded clothes.

"I'm leaving, just as you wanted!"

Charlie practically growled and stalked out of my room. I packed my things haphazardly. I didn't bother too much with clothes other than the basic ones I needed. I packed the necessities and shut the bedroom lamp off. I slipped into my work shoes since they were the first pair I saw.

When I got to the foyer, I saw Charlie pacing around anxiously. I grabbed my coat and slipped it on wordlessly. He seemed to be debating something within himself. After the last button was done, I placed my hand on the doorknob.

"Bella. Wait," Charlie begged.

I was surprised by the thickness of his voice. I didn't look at him.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to push you away. You're right. You're an adult and I can't keep treating you like a child," he sighed and paused, "I-I did something bad."

That grabbed my attention. I spun around and placed the small bag I had with me on the floor.

"What?" I whispered.

"I told Edward something…"

My heart started to pound in my chest.

"What did you tell him?" I barely managed to speak.

"I told him to stay away from you. I know that's why he hasn't called. I know that's why you're upset. I'm sorry. I just…after the explosion…I can't lose you, Bella. You're the only thing I have anymore. Your mother has moved on. You have your own thing going on."

I fisted my hands and steadied my breathing.

"Why did you do it?" I croaked.

"I want you to be safe and it isn't safe to be with him, Bella. He's got the entire mob after him right now. I know he's a good guy and a nice friend but I won't let him compromise your life. You're my priority."

I shook my head.

"No! No! You can't keep doing things like this. You can't control my life."

Charlie didn't respond. His head hung in shame.

"I just can't do this right now. I need to think about things. I'll talk you tomorrow or something," I mumbled.

I blindly grabbed my bag and ran outside into the rain. I slipped on my way to the garage of course. I opened the garage door clumsily and ran underneath the cover. I pushed some damp hair from my face and hopped into my truck. It roared to life and I thanked the gods for giving me good fortune. I reversed quickly and pulled out of Charlie's small estate as quickly as I could.

When I got to my house, my chest swelled. I couldn't believe how long I'd managed to stay away. The rain had lessened to a drizzle as I grabbed my bag and entered the house. Everything was exactly as I had left it last. I swallowed thickly when I noticed a few knick-knacks of Jacob's still occupying their places.

I walked up to my bedroom and turned on the desktop. I logged onto a popular search engine and typed in what I wanted. I was going to look for a new job and this time I was going in as Bella Swan.

Another two and half weeks later, I found myself exhausted by the interviewing process. It was tougher than I had imagined. It was hard trying to maneuver around my references—more specifically omitting the SWJ from my résumé. I knew most of the newspapers would want me to continue using my former alias if I joined them. I was trying to break away from that part of my life and most people just weren't as understanding as I'd hoped.

My latest interview had unfortunately scheduled on the day of our second storm in a month and the biggest storm we'd been hit with in ten years. The interviewer apologized for the inconvenience of weather, but explained he needed to fill in a spot at his magazine as soon as possible. The interview had gone better than I anticipated and I left the restaurant we'd met at feeling confident. I decided to head home quickly. It was already after eight and I had a bit of a drive.

The visibility was minimal. Lightning and thunder filled the sky and I found myself humming with anxiety. The longer I drove, the more worried I became. I was suddenly unsure I'd make it to my house. The truck was archaic as it was. I didn't want to imagine what the torrential rain was doing to it. I got to a light and barely realized it was turning red. I slammed on the brakes and lurched forward.

The heat was blasting in the cab and slowly but surely my hair, which had gotten pretty wet, was drying up. When the light turned green I gassed and slowly moved forward. I started to panic. I shouldn't have been going so slowly. Something was wrong with the car. I tried to pull over to the side of the road. I got as near the curb as I could before the car stopped. I took the keys out of the engine and tried to restart it. The car protested.

"Shit," I whispered to myself.

I threw my arms over the steering wheel and placed my head down. My good fortune had run out. I was stuck on the side of the road in a storm that was expected to be historic. I lay down across the front seat and looked out the window. It looked like I was in a car wash. The water pouring down the side of the car was unrelenting. I closed my eyes and listened to the thunder and hammering rain.

I slipped slowly in unconsciousness. I wasn't asleep but I wasn't awake either. I let myself think. I thought of Edward and Charlie mostly. I was both so angry with them. Despite my concern with finding a new job, I hadn't forgotten what Charlie had confessed when I'd last seen him. Did they really think that little of me? Did they really think I was incapable of making smart choices?

I knew I needed to see Edward soon. Things had reached a new level of ridiculous, and I couldn't keep distracting myself with work to excuse it. I just needed to tell him how I felt. I'd had enough with the games and skirting around. If I'd just gone with my gut and told him last time I'd seen him….

A knock on my window startled me. I sat up quickly and panicked.

"Bella!"

I froze. It was the voice of a savior. It was the voice of _my_ savior. I rolled forward and opened the car door. Edward was completely soaked. His eyes were wide with panic and surprise. I pulled him into the cab and noticed a small-sized SUV sitting in the middle of the street with its lights on. He slammed the cab door shut behind him and looked at me.

"What are you doing here?" I breathed.

"I was on my way home from seeing a client. What are you doing? Is your truck dead?" he asked and felt around for my keys.

His voice was tired and didn't have the same tenor I remembered. It looked like the life had literally been sucked from Edward. He wasn't the same man I'd seen last time. It was like he was a slowly burning man, who'd accepted his fate.

"It just stopped working," I said.

Edward frowned at the keys which he found discarded on the floor of driver's side. He looked at me and his face softened.

"We need to get you out of here. It's too dangerous to stay in this car. There are a lot of trees in this area," he looked at me with a concerned expression.

I nodded.

"I'll take you home. My car is still running. Let's make a break for it quick."

I grabbed onto Edward's hand as he placed my car keys in my coat pocket. Edward swallowed once our skin made contact and pushed the door open. He dragged me out and I barely slammed the door shut behind me. We climbed into his soft, spacious, and warm car. He closed the doors and I looked around. This certainly wasn't the sedan I had remembered.

"New car?" I smiled, trying to lighten the tension.

"Uh, yeah. I needed something to get around in after the…well…you already know," he fumbled.

I smiled and looked away when he started to drive away. The run was still steady and strong but at least there was a certain visibility.

"So, where am I taking you?" Edward wondered, "Back to Charlie's?"

I didn't miss the way he forced himself to say his name aloud. It was further confirmation that what Charlie had told me was the truth. I shook my head and mumbled a soft "no."

"To your place?" he tried.

I nodded and folded my hands in my lap. It was silent as Edward continued to drive. I debated how I should broach the subject of Charlie with Edward.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

It bothered me that he wouldn't look at me. It bothered me that he wasn't the same man I'd seen last.

"I know what happened," I began.

Edward studiously avoided looking at me.

"I know what happened with you and Charlie. He told me the truth and I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

His hands clenched the steering wheel a little tighter and his jaw clicked.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. He was right and I made my own decisions."

I cocked my head to the side. I'd address the fact he'd made a decision for me at another time. Right then I just wanted to hear if he really believed that things should be that way.

"So you don't regret what happened at all? You really meant it? You want me to stay away from you."

Edward sighed.

"I just…I'm trying to protect you, Bella. I practically got demoted recently and there are at least 50 people who wouldn't mind me showing up dead tomorrow. The FBI has completely taken over my case and I don't want you involved anymore than you need to be. Your father hates me. I'm just trying to change that, and seeing you doesn't help my case. I don't want to lose my job."

I didn't miss the way he never said 'no.' Even with his rebuttal, his voice was still tired. It was like all the passion had been sucked out of him. The fight in him was gone. There was a coldness and distance that overwhelmed me. I looked at him.

He was uncharacteristically dressed. He had a utility belt still strapped around his waist. It was clear he wasn't a regular officer but I had a feeling he had been reassigned. Was Edward the person Charlie meant when he was discussing reassignments?

"I don't want it to be this way. I care about you and—"

"Stop," Edward cut me off, "Please stop. I'm going insane here, Bella. I don't need or want your pity. I made a choice. After I drop you home, that's it."

I nearly flinched at how cold he was being. I suddenly hated Charlie at that moment. I hated Edward. I hated Danny Fiori. I hated everything. I hated Edward for being so noble and wanting to be a police officer. Why couldn't he be an accountant or something?!

I could try and fight him on the danger issue but I knew the evidence would be stacked against me. Why couldn't things work out for us like they had with Rosalie and Emmett? It wasn't fair. I _loved_ him. Why couldn't he just love me back?

I shut down. He was pleading with me not to push him. I couldn't find the fight in me when he begged me so desperately not to. I stopped strategizing and accepted his plea. I was done with the thinking...the planning. I'd just _be_.

_Okay, Edward, I won't push you anymore. I love you. Whatever happens from now on, please know I love you._

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Please don't ask me what the next chapter is about. It's a secret (-- note the irony).

There's an outtake in the _Secret Sideshots, Outtakes, and More_ story. Everyone seemed to want Bella's POV of the explosion, so that's what you've got waiting for you. Thanks to the like 3 people that voted for Edward's POV of the wedding ceremony. You guys are missing out. That was going to be _very_ funny. No blog this chapter. I just don't want to talk about this chapter. I'd rather just hear all of your thoughts on it.

Review, _please_, so I know if you hated this chapter as much as I did or if you actually loved it. No flames though!

Before next chapter is posted there will be an interlude from Edward's POV posted underneath the outtake story. Author alert me or put that story on alert, because it's _imperative_ to read it. The next chapter will be a total mindfuck to you if you don't read it.


	26. Chapter 26

If you didn't read the interlude. Go read it. Now! You'll have to just wait like everyone else did. Really, I feel it's essential to read before reading this chapter.

Chapter Song: Secret by Maroon 5 (the original inspiration)

_I don't own Twilight, frankly, I'm sick of saying it. I need to come up with my own series already ;)_

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I should be looking at the road before me but it's impossible. The wet blacktop just blurs and the trees pass by at such a disturbing rate that if I were to lose control of the car for a split second we'd both be killed. The rain drums violently against the roof of my car. It's the worst storm Seattle has seen in nearly 10 years and she's with me.

She's sitting right next to me—not even 3 feet away from my touch. I stare out the windshield but all I can see is her face…her high cheekbones, her soft nose, her wide doe eyes, her full luscious lips, the perfectly shaped eyebrows that define her face. Her long brown hair that spreads out like a halo fills my vision. All I can hear is her laugh—the laugh that makes my heart race and my palms sweaty. I'm in love with her and I can't be with her. How is this fair?

"Edward, we're here," her soft voice pulls me away from my thoughts.

I slow down and linger. I glance to my right and the quaint two-story residence she calls home is there. My eyes divert slightly and I catch her staring at me. The expression on her face is unreadable. I want so badly to ask her what she thinking but I can't. I can't ever know what she's thinking. It will just make me want her more and that can't happen. I can't hurt her by admitting I'm in love with her and never giving her the chance to return my affection.

I'll lose my job. The job I've trained and worked for years to get. The job at which her father is my boss, and is completely unaware of how much I love his only daughter.

"Would you mind walking me to my door? I don't have an umbrella," she bites her lip.

I swallow. She glances at my Adam's apple as it contracts. When her brown eyes meet mine the liquid depth to them is overwhelming. She is still awaiting my answer. I nod lightly and her lips rise marginally to smile. I smirk quickly and grab the umbrella that is next to me. I turn off the engine and put the jangling metal keys into my pocket. I open the driver's side door and the rain hammers against my exposed face and neck.

I remember the umbrella and slam the door shut so she doesn't get wet. The ridiculous contraption that's never stopped anyone from getting wet in a storm at this capacity opens and I rush over to the passenger's side. I can see the silhouette of her beautiful face behind the window. I open her door and pull her into my side – the closest we've ever been – without a thought.

The feeling of her body heat next to mine is intoxicating. She kicks the passenger's side door shut with her foot and starts to hurry towards her front door. The place where I've dropped her off countless times and each time I do my heart aches. My wasted heart aches for the woman I can never be with. Why does God do this to me? How can I have such an angel placed upon me and be expected to not fall madly in love with her?

We make it there unscathed which is a feat for her. I close the umbrella due to the fact we're now under the safety of her porch roof. It's still dark but I can see the vague outlines of her face from the streetlights. Even in the subtle light I know she's more beautiful than anything I've ever seen.

"Thanks for the ride, Edward. Please don't tell Charlie about the truck and what happened. He'd be furious if he knew I was trying to drive it in this weather," she pleads in her lovely voice.

The voice that makes my chest constrict every time I hear it. I always imagine her speaking when she's not near but I can never do it justice. She's perfect. How I might be so arrogant to think she could feel the same is ludicrous. I could spend a million lifetimes trying to love her and be everything she deserves and it would never be enough.

"I won't. Please be careful next time though. I'd hate to think what would have happened to you if I hadn't been on my way home," I respond in a serious tone.

She nods understandingly. I feel like an ass. I almost sound like her father. I don't want to control her or scold her. She's old enough to take care of herself but the thought of her being stranded in her truck during this storm is more than terrifying. Anything could happen to her and it would kill me. My wasted heart would go cold.

I turn to leave her. Any second longer of being around her and I'll combust. With all the spent we've spent together, it becomes harder yet paradoxically easier to leave her. My insides are desperate to stay but my mind's internal limit shoos me away before I can't contain myself.

My footsteps move toward the ledge of her porch and her hand reaches out to grab my jacket. The movement is forceful and startles me. My veins run cold and hot at the same time. I'm frozen in my place. The action is so unexpected I can't move. My heart starts to pound in my chest at such a tone I'm surprised she can't hear it over the rain. A rumble of thunder groans far away and I glance at the sound. I can't look at her. If I do I'll lose my composure. One look into those brown eyes right now and I'll lose the battle and give into her siren's call.

"Don't go, Edward. It's so dangerous right now. Please stay," her voice cracks.

As her voice cracks my heart rate thumps. The sound is alluringly pleading. There is no hint of desperation but rather concern. She's concerned for my well-being. The woman I dream about whether my eyes are closed or not, I'm conscious or comatose, is _concerned _about me. My throat is dry—a stark contrast to the moisture in the air and along her front lawn. I close my eyes and will myself to turn towards her. '

Her grip on my jacket slackens and she pulls her hand away. I immediately yearn for the contact. _Such a dangerous thought to have around her._ I know if I open my eyes right now I'll be looking at her. I try to prepare myself. My eyelids flutter open and her perfect eyebrows are inched together. A look of confusion and concern is etched across her lovely features. My hands are trembling at my sides. She has no idea the effect she has on me. It's impossible to deny her when she pleads with me.

"Edward, please," she repeats in a quieter voice.

A loud slap of lightning hits and the thunder comes soon after. My argument is moot just by this one simple act of Mother Nature. Her eyes trail down to the floor and she pauses for a moment. I think she realizes that I won't give her answer but that she's victorious. Her keys jangle and she places them into the door lock. She turns it to the left and pushes the large wooden door forward.

She steps in and glances over her shoulder, seeing whether or not I'll follow her in. My feet seem to move of their own accord and I follow her in. She walks in and her tiny hand brushes against a wall to switch a light on. The house illuminates generously.

I close the door behind me and lock it for her. I don't plan on staying, despite my desire, and although with me around she'd be more than safe I don't want to leave her unprotected. I look around her home. There's a cozy living room with a large bookcase against a wall. She has a small but decent sized kitchen.

For some reason it seems to fit her. She's very simple. A home with the same atmosphere and design is befitting. I look back and she's staring at me again. That same unreadable expression from earlier is upon her face. The tension is so thick it seems to be choking me.

"You have a nice home," I add generically.

The desperate need to rid this situation of its awkwardness forces me to be less than genuine towards her. Of course I do like her home but those are not the words I wish to say. I wish to tell her much I love and adore her, how much I wish she would let me love her, how much I wish I could stay with her forever, how much I wish I could stop time to be with her.

She smiles politely at me and points at my jacket. I glance down and my work jacket is still on and relatively damp. This explains the chill I'm feeling—or at least part of why I feel so cold. I shrug out of the jacket and hand it to her. She takes it with a smile and disappears down a hallway. I take her absence as an opportunity to remove my gun and holster.

I place the nightstick on the table next to her front door. I look down at the items I've placed on her table and I grimace. My flashlight, nightstick, radio, handcuffs, magazine, and lastly gun…are all things that keep me away from her. All things that make it impossible for me to deserve any sort of affection from her.

She walks back in and I hear the faint sound of a dryer humming. I assume she's put my jacket to dry. As she gets closer she notices what I'm standing next to and her face falls a bit. I know she hates my job and I know she hates that her father is an officer too but it's what I am.

I'm Lieutenant-Detective Edward Anthony Masen. Her father is Chief of Police Charlie Swan. It's such a mistake that I've fallen in love with her but I can't help it.

I gaze at her and she opens her mouth to speak.

"I wish you didn't work for him," she says in such a quiet voice I almost miss it.

She keeps her eyes locked on the hardwood floors of her hallway and swings her leg back and forth shyly. My body tells me to run over to her and comfort her but my mind warns me to stay away. Aloof. It's the key to everything. As long as I stay remote from her I can will myself to do what's best for her. She looks up at me and her eyes are still sad. What I wouldn't give to be able to change that.

She walks over to her kitchen and stands in front of the counter. Again my feet move on their own will. It's a natural reaction. I follow her into the tiny kitchen. With me standing in it, the room seems even smaller than before. I'm there, in the archway, just staring at her. It seems it's all I ever do when I'm with her. I can hardly trust myself to speak at times. But this time is different. I'm _supposed_ to say something —anything.

"Bella," I respond my voice breathy and quiet.

Her shoulders rise slightly and slump again as I utter the most beautiful name I've ever known. Her name matches her perfectly. God, _everything _about her is perfect. My heart throbs with a dull pain. Her name from my lips hurts her. Her tiny hands that hold her delicate fingers are pressed against the cold tile of her counter. Her back is still to me. I can't be upset by this. She has every right to feel hurt by me.

All I ever do is make things difficult and strain our relationship. A poor choice of words on my part, we don't have a relationship. We could hardly even be classified as friends I'm so cold to her. I stand there still. It feels like time has stopped. We're in this pitiful moment of nothingness.

Suddenly, she turns around and her eyes are pink from unshed tears. Her eyes are wet with moisture and her cheeks are flushed. I've never seen her cry before. The emotions that overcome me hit me like a freight train. My body abruptly seems heavy. I'm drowning in the emotions of seeing her cry. Seeing her beautiful face shed tears for me. I want to kill myself for ever making her unhappy.

My arms stretch out to encompass her tiny, delicate frame. She moves towards me and steps into my embrace. My arms are still moving. They wrap around her back and rest on her waist. The curvy waist that makes me ache with desire. Her small arms wrap around me as well and she presses her warm face against my chest. Her face is pressed directly over my heart. The heart that beats only for her.

Her salty tears start to dampen my work shirt. My eyes slide to a close. I feel woozy having her so close. Prior to before when I pressed her into my side, on our way to her home, this is the closest she's ever been to me. Physically or otherwise. My hands are trembling against her frame. I'm sure she can feel it but she doesn't say anything.

I feel her face leave my chest and my body misses the warmth. I can sense that she's looking at me but I can't open my eyes yet. It would be too much. So much has changed in the last minute. We've been too close for me to maintain composure. Her arms leave my waist as mine stay locked around her. As much as I want them to move I feel paralyzed.

I sense something getting closer to my face. Whatever it is, heat is coming off it in waves. I feel her fingertips on my cheeks and her palms press down on the skin soon after. She's touching, holding, my face in her hands. Her thumb is literally a centimeter away from my lips. I can't do this. My eyes snap open.

"I can't do this," I moan pathetically.

Her brown eyes are locked on mine. The intensity in them burns a whole through my retina. I can't look away. I almost don't even want to blink. My eyes are getting dry steadily. I'm forcing them to meet hers despite my better judgment. All I can think is what have you done? How could you let it get this far? If this continues any further you'll never go back. Her gaze descends. I know where she's looking now and it's so bad.

"I can't do this. You're his daughter. You don't deserve me," I cry softly.

"Don't say anything. You'll ruin it. Just accept what you feel Edward. You're not Lieutenant Masen. You're Edward," she counters.

Thunder rumbles in the distance. Why is she doing this to me? Why am I letting her? Why am I not stronger? I want to scream with frustration. It's not fair. Live for the moment an errant thought shouts at me. She's looking at me, waiting for me to respond.

Seconds pass by. It feels like hours. She sighs. Time's up.

Her gaze goes down once again to the place they shouldn't be. Then so abruptly, all I can feel are her warm lips on me. My eyes bulge slightly and my body starts to feel like it's on fire. The nerve endings in my body are humming with excitement, frustration, bewilderment, joy, anger, despair. And then I relent. I give into her.

My eyes slide shut and all I can think about is the feeling of her lips rubbing against mine. My hands slip from her waist and snap to her precious face. I place my hands on her face in an almost rough manner and secure her face to mine. She sighs into my mouth and I take the opportunity to place my tongue in her mouth. She returns the gesture as I slide my tongue back and forth across hers.

I'm desperate to taste her in every way possible. I've dreamed about this moment. My dreams are nothing in comparison. As painful as the reality is that after I pull back I'll never get this moment back I have to enjoy it. Her hands are in my hair. They are never still. She brushes her nimble fingers through the locks or tugs at them. My chest is so warm that it feels like I'll combust.

Her fingers slip from my hair and she pushes me lightly. I know what she's trying to tell me and it feels like a knife is cutting through me. I have to stop. She needs to breathe. I don't want her to. I want to be able to take her breath away the way she does to me. I concede and pull away panting. My heart is pounding in my chest from over-exertion. It's the most passionate and loving kiss I've ever experienced.

I could die as I walk out her door and my life would have some sort of worth to it. I kissed her with every fiber of my being. All the love and adoration I have for her has been bled into that kiss. The wounds of my desperate love for her were treated with that kiss. I look at her. Her full chest is heaving up and down in an effort to steady her breathing. The sight of her panting from _my_ kiss is more tempting than should be allowed.

"I'm sorry. I—"

She holds a hand up to interrupt my apologies. I _am_ sorry. I was much too forceful with her—more forceful than I should ever be with her.

"Edward Masen, don't you dare apologize! _I_ kissed you! Why do you do this to yourself? Who cares about Charlie and your job? I love you and I'm sick of pretending I don't care!" she cries with conviction.

Her eyes are starting to water and her eyebrows are pulled together in that adorable way that drives me crazy. She's frustrated. I'm elated and concerned. She loves me too despite her and my better judgment. She shouldn't love me. It makes everything harder and I'm no good for her.

She deserves someone who doesn't live in violence and will come home to her every night. Things are never certain for me. But the fact still exists. She loves me. She's staring at me, still waiting for a response. I'm probably scaring her. She probably thinks I'm rejecting her.

"I love you so much more than you know. I've loved you since the moment I saw you at your father's banquet. I'm so sorry….We shouldn't do this as much as I'm desperate too. My job is too dangerous and unstable. I could not come back one day…I love you too much to hurt you," my voice is thick with emotion.

"I don't care. I love you Edward Masen. I'm in too deep. I refuse to deny myself any longer."

I sigh heavily and she closes the space between us once again to crash her lips onto mine. Her hands are around my neck as her lips urgently cross mine. My hands come beneath her backside and I lift her. She locks her legs around mine. Our lips never part. I start to walk away. I'm vaguely aware of where I'm going. My eyes are open, trying to get up the stairs of her home.

I make it up the stairs without tripping. Her lips are still on mine as her hands run through my hair. I tap her backside to let her know I need some direction. She never breaks the kiss and reaches out to touch a doorknob. My hand covers hers as I open a door. I look inside and I assume it's a bedroom. I can see the indistinct outline of nightstands and a bed. My hand gropes the wall to my right for a light switch but she smacks my hand out of the way.

I walk towards the bed and throw her down. My body is pressed against hers and I can feel every inch of her. Her ankles are still locked around my waist. Her hands release themselves from my neck as I use my arms to hover over her. Her skilled fingers run down my back and I shiver. She reaches below my waistline and grabs my work shirt. She pulls out the starched and pressed material.

I can feel her hand bunching the fabric past my belt. Her fingers loosen the vice-tight grip they have on my shirt and her soft fingertips brush with a feather's touch up my back. I get Goosebumps and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. This woman gives me the chills from a simple touch. They explore the length of my back while I move my kisses to her jaw. I kiss along her defined and smooth jaw.

She tilts her head to the right to give me better access. I continue to plant kisses along her jaw until her neck becomes more tempting that I can manage. I suck lovingly on her skin and kiss intermittingly. Her hands are moving from my back to the front of my shirt. I know what she's about to do and I'm afraid it will make things progress to the point that I won't be able to return if I allow her to do it.

My lips pull away reluctantly and I lean to whisper in her ear.

"Are you sure you want to do this? If you do that I won't be able to stop. Once it's off I'll never be able to leave this bed," I whisper gutturally.

She doesn't respond. Instead she brings her hands closer to my collar and undoes the first button. My eyes flutter and roll into the back of my head. The prospect of finally making love to her makes me harden. It's only going to get harder from here I think to myself. In more ways than one my conscience reminds me.

Her hands undo all the buttons of my shirt and she groans a little. I glance down and realize I have my white wife-beater on. I smile a little at the reaction the offensive piece of clothing coaxes from her. She wants it off, does she? I pull back from her and she looks at me incredulously. I continue to smile. I sit back and straddle her legs. My hands cross just above my belt and I grab the tank top.

I start to pull it slowly, very slowly up my torso. I watch her the entire time. With the light from the moon and the streetlights pouring through the bedroom window I can see her. Her eyes widen as she lays propped up on her elbows. I thank God for my obsession with the gym and my need to stay in shape for work.

Her eyes are drinking me in and I'm getting harder and harder. Once the tank top is past my head, I throw it over the side of her bed and lean back to continue my work on her neck. A slap a lightning hits and she jerks lightly.

Her hands move to my stomach. She places her, still cool, fingertips to my chest and I shudder. They move in the opposite direction of one another and run past my shoulders, across my biceps and triceps to my forearms. She's exploring my body the way I want to learn every inch of her.

I move my weight to my left arm and start to unbutton the blouse she's wearing with my right hand. The buttons are straining against her full chest so they pop off easily. Her hands are back on my chest and are moving down towards my abs. Her dull nails scratch against my abs and past my belly button. My chest trembles and quivers. It's a natural reaction for them to contract.

The buttons on her blouse are done and my hand brushes the material away. My hand shoots back to the side of her head to steady myself as I stare at her. She's wearing a nondescript bra that I assume is a cotton material and is a navy blue color. It's not lacy or anything that seems like lingerie and for some reason that makes it more attractive.

I love that she's simple and that if she does wear things like that it's for special occasions. Now that I'm about to have her all I can think is that if she were to ever wear something like that I would hope it would be for me. I look at her and she's staring at me and biting her lip. I can tell she's self-conscious so I lean down and press my lips to hers. She's beautiful.

"You're beautiful," I whisper as I pull away.

She smiles her beautiful smile at me and my heart sings. My whole body warms with the emotions I feel for her. She presses her lips back to mine and grabs my belt buckle. My body is ready to burst with anticipation and my now painful erection is dying to be freed from its constraint. She undoes the buckle and I can feel it as it snakes around my waist to where she's pulling it.

I'm dimly aware of her throwing it over the side of the bed until I hear it land with a thump. My tongue is thrusting against hers again. The taste of her is incredible. There's a vague hint of a flavor I can't place. I know she wears Chap Stick. I've seen her put it on before. I notice everything about her. I could describe in perfect detail the outfit she wore when she came into our office the first time.

Her hands reach for my button and zipper. My stomach is assaulted with butterflies. I don't want to reveal myself to her yet. I want to explore her myself. I want to worship her body before I connect with her in that way. I pull back and my hands shoot out to stop her. She looks at me. I mouth 'not yet' to her and she parts her lips to protest or respond. She never gets the chance as I cover her mouth with mine.

Our lips are dancing in perfect synchronization again. My hands move to her bra straps as I remove my lips from hers. I stare at her as I pull the straps away from her shoulders. I can feel the pressure release as her breasts become free from the material. My hand moves behind her to unhook the clasp.

The final obstacle is complete but I have yet to look at my results. I pull the fabric away from her and add it to the growing pile of clothes on the right side of her bed. I finally look down and her perfect breasts are staring at me—aching, begging, to be caressed and tasted. I bring my gaze back to hers as I tilt my head down to her breasts. I place a kiss between the peaks and look down.

My right hand brushes across her left breast and her nipple hardens instantly. Her taut nipple is erect because of _me_. The fact she's aroused due to my actions throws my mind into overdrive. Lord knows how many times I've been aroused by her but to think I have to same affect on her is incredible. All I ever want now is to be the one who makes her aroused.

I caress her perfect breast in my right hand while I proceed to lap at the skin on her left breast. My tongue licks the smooth skin while my hand twists and teases the nipple of her right. I knead her breast carefully and skillfully. She moans and my member becomes _harder_. It seems impossible for me to become any more aroused than I am at this point.

My mouth and hand switch their positions and her hands snake their way into my hair. She pushes me onto her breast. It's been minutes. I know it, but I can hardly bring myself to care. I'm relishing in the moment too much. Finally when my "teasing" becomes too much for her she pulls my head to her lips.

Our mouths crash together. There's saliva everywhere but it's surprisingly erotic. I bring my hands to her jeans and slip a hand beneath the hemline. My hand cups her warmth and she cries out into our kiss. I pull away and glance at her. Her eyes are half-closed and she's wet already.

I slip my hand away and she moans a little. It seems she's upset about losing the contact. I unbutton her jeans and hear the distinct sound of her zipper being pulled down as I tug it towards me. She's wearing a simple pair of underwear that matches the bra it seems. I pull the jeans down and she lifts her hips to help me. She's still wearing her shoes from work so I pull them off and throw them behind me.

The jeans meet the floor and I drink in the sight of her only in her underwear. She's a vision. She is absolutely the loveliest thing I've ever seen in my life. Beauty isn't even a tenth of the necessary word to describe her. She's positively exquisite and unequaled. I could spend the rest of my pitiful life walking the earth for something as alluring as her and I'd never find it.

Once my eyes are done with their roaming, I bring my hands to my pants and undo the button. I'm about to pull down the zipper when she stops me.

"I want to do this part," she purrs.

I relinquish and allow her to tug the zipper down and pull my pants down. My boxers are now exposed as well as my engorged member. Her eyes stop on my erection for a moment but she continues to pull the pants away. Once my shoes and socks are in the way I step off the bed and remove the rest of my clothing. I'm now naked before her. I'm naked before her in more ways than she will ever know.

This moment means so much more for me. Months and months of trying to deny myself of loving the woman of my dreams has finally led me to this. She sits up and reaches forward, pulling me towards her. I climb on top once again and kiss her deeply. There is no urgency. Pure love. My hands move to the sides of her underwear and I peel them away. I can smell her arousal. Once the article of clothing is away, I stare at her.

Something _extremely_ important occurs to me.

"We need a condom. I can't if you do—," her tiny hand covers my mouth.

"I'm on the pill. Just shut up and stop thinking."

I smile at her. She smiles in response and presses her lips to mine. My hardened member brushes against her entrance and she gasps. I chuckle at the thought of being able to receive those sorts of reactions.

"Edward, please. I need you inside of me now," she pleads in moan.

A nod once and shove one hard thrust into her wet core. She cries out at the sensation. My own eyes snap shut as I fight for control. I slide back carefully and thrust into her again. The same process continues for a while until her moans tell me she needs more. Her legs lock around my waist and it draws me even deeper into her. I'm sheathed in her warmth and I can hardly contain myself. She's so tight.

"Harder, _please_," she begs.

My thrusts become more forceful and I pick up the pace. Her hips buck and meet my every thrust. It's a perfect rhythm. I'm growing more and more tired as the minutes pass by but I can't bring myself to release yet. I can't. Not yet. I still need to be inside of her. I won't allow myself to. She whimpers and cries out as I pound into her core relentlessly. I shift and angle myself so I can drive myself deeper.

I want to hit her spot. I want to make her feel like she's never felt before. I want her to only think about me just the same way I only think of her. There isn't a second that passes by that I'm not thinking about her. My hand removes itself from her waist and holds onto the headboard for dear life. I need to keep steady. I can feel her walls start to clench and my innards become tighter with my own release.

I want us to come together. I want her release to mix into mine.

"Love, come for me," I beg her.

"Oh, God Edward! Right there!" she cries out.

My thrusts are still coming.

"Fuck! Harder!"

My pace increases dramatically. My hips are pounding towards hers. The sound of skin slapping against one another, my grunts, and the rain is the only thing you can hear. I know she's getting close.

"Scream my name, Bella. Scream my name when you come."

I continue thrusting until I feel her explode around my member.

"Edward!" she screams.

Feeling her release sends me off the cliff I've been standing at forever. We come together. I grunt loudly and spill my seed into her. Spent, I pull out and collapse at her side. I lay back, my chest heaving up and down. It is the best sex I've ever had in my life.

It is all my frustrations with life and love. It is the love I feel for the woman to my right and passion that I've kept bottled up for months. My love isn't in vain. She loves me as well. My affections are returned and the feeling is mutual.

She leans over and presses her head and right hand on my chest. My right arm wraps around her waist to bring her closer. I place a kiss on her hair and rub her arm with my left hand absentmindedly. She's so soft. I've never touched anything as soft as her.

"I love you Edward Anthony Masen," she whispers.

"I love you Isabella Marie Swan. Forever and with all my heart," I promise.

* * *

I hope it met your expectations. I never felt it was realistic for them to make slow lovin. It's been 8 months.

SWATward is currently suiting me up with a bulletproof vest, so I can be protected by the possible bad reviews. He simply asks that you don't flame (he doesn't have _those_ kinds of supplies). He thought he performed pretty well tonight. I'm in agreement ;) And so is Bella.

Review _please_....


	27. Chapter 27

Okay, so I think my anxiety was useless. SWATward laughed at me and gloated about his, erm, performance when all the reviews that poured in were nothing but sweet and supportive. Speaking of reviews, Edward's last chapter before the one-shot (not the interlude) was the most reviewed chapter with 160 reviews. May I ask if we can match that record or break it? Last chapter received 120. I know you guys can do it!

Chapter Song: Yellow by Coldplay

By the way, if you're interested in submitting a song you think fits Bella and Edward send it in! Leave a review and please tell me the title and artist(s).

_I don't own Twilight, but I wish people would stop mauling Robert Pattinson! =/_

* * *

I couldn't have fallen asleep if I tried.

It didn't matter that my adrenaline had worn off. It didn't matter that I'd had a long day. It didn't matter that I was more warm and cozy in this bed than anywhere I'd ever slept.

I was still in state of complete and utter shock.

I mean I'd just had sex with Bella. My brain had just caught up with the rest of my body.

I wasn't sure if she was sleeping. It was hard to tell. I didn't really know her sleeping patterns. I couldn't be entirely sure. My lips had parted more than once to say something but I was too terrified to say anything. I mean…this changed _everything_. A big part of me was so angry with myself for giving in. Another part of me was so elated. Did this mean we had a future together now?

I was still waging the war within myself. My instincts were screaming at me to let her go and forget this happened. One round of mind-blowing sex didn't change the facts. I was definitely not the type of guy she should be with, _especially_ now.

And there was always the matter of Charlie. He'd castrate me if he knew I had slept with his daughter. Some way or another I'm sure he'd twist it around and make it seem like I was using her to get back at him. I didn't even want that to be a _thought_ in Bella's pretty little head. There was no way I was telling Charlie about this. I figured I'd even wait a little while to tell Emmett what happened.

I glanced down at my stomach again and saw Bella's hair sprawled across my bare chest. The scene looked better than I had imagined. And I had imagined her in my arms _many_ times. Her face was shielded from view. I didn't know if that was on purpose or not. I hoped not. I didn't regret anything about tonight.

I was praying she felt the same way. It was one thing to have legitimate reasons for us to be apart. It was entirely another if it was because she didn't want me. I wouldn't be able to deal with that. Not after tonight.

It was still raining. The lightning had subsided a bit but the thunder still rumbled in the distance. The worst part of the storm seemed to be over now—at least in this area.

"Edward?"

Holy shit. She's awake. This can be good. Or it can be bad.

"Hmm?"

"I wasn't sure if you were awake. You seem…tense."

I tried to relax my body subtly. I didn't want her to think it had anything to do with her. It didn't. It had to do with everything outside of us.

"I'm just…a little shocked still."

Bella didn't respond. Crap. I'd gone and said the wrong thing.

I lightly tapped the arm she still had around me. She looked up at me slowly. Jesus, she was beautiful. Long lashes, big eyes…

"I don't regret anything. I want you to know that. I meant what I said. I love you," I told her with conviction.

Bella looked back down at my chest and toyed with the bed sheet we were now underneath.

"Me too," she whispered, "Do you still…you know…want to be with me though?"

I sighed.

"Of course I do. I just…we can't be careless about this. I can't just dive into a relationship with you. There are things right now that are bigger than me and you. If I'm with you, I'm with you a hundred percent. I can't afford to make any mistakes with you," I ended with a whisper.

Bella looked up at me. Her eyebrows crumpled a bit. I didn't like seeing her unhappy but I needed to be honest.

"I'm going to do whatever it takes to make this work though," I added.

Her eyes filled up with tears and a small smile fluttered across her lips.

"I love you," she said.

God. I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest. That or I was going to spontaneously combust from all the warmth that spread through me when she said those three words to me. I never thought I was capable of feeling this strongly for someone. Maybe it was the idealism of really being in love for the first time. Or maybe I was finally happy.

I moved forward and she leaned up to press her lips to mine softly. The feeling of her lips against mine was indescribable. It felt like I was experiencing my first kiss all over again. She pulled back and placed one kiss on my chest, where my heart beat wildly. I smiled at her as she snuggled back into my side. Bella fell asleep but I only drifted in and out of consciousness.

My mind was constantly racing. I thought about trivial things like how I needed to appear in court later this week, and more important things like how I'd pretty much shit twice and die if Charlie decided to pay a random visit to Bella.

I religiously checked the clock on the cable box across the bedroom. I didn't want to leave her for even a minute but not showing up to work was out of the question. I decided to wake her up at 5:30. She was groggy and somewhat uncomprehending at first when she realized that I was in bed with her…naked.

"I need to start getting ready to go. I still have to go back to the apartment and change clothes and stuff," I whispered to her while she closed her eyes and listened to me.

"Take a shower here," she suggested.

My first reaction was to freak out a little. My second was to grin. I'd had sex with her a couple of hours ago. Did it really matter if I showered in her house? I agreed and she climbed out of bed with the sheet wrapped around her. I gave her a look when that left me very much exposed. She giggled and rummaged through a closet in the bedroom for a towel.

Bella tossed it over to me with a smile and instructed me to use her shower since it had a better showerhead. I got out of the bed and was going to wrap the towel around my waist but decided not to. I got a kick out it when her cheeks started to flame with color and when she concentrated on keeping her eyes on everything _above_ the neck.

"This is my room," she mumbled as we entered what I assumed was the master bedroom.

There wasn't much in it besides a few pieces of furniture. Decorating didn't seem to be Bella's niche. Esme would die to be able to do something to Bella's house. I followed her into the bathroom and she started the shower for me. She turned around when I grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

"Where are you going?"

Bella blushed again and looked at the floor.

"I thought maybe you wanted to shower alone."

"Not if you're around," I chuckled and pulled the bed sheet away from her.

We stepped into the hot spray together. Bella faced me and for a good minute or so we just looked at each other. I grabbed the soap from behind me and lathered her up while she squirmed, giggled, and blushed. It was so interesting to see her like this. All I knew was the hard as nails Bella or the Bella who sometimes showed a side of insecurity and fear.

Shy Bella?

I'd seen it once or twice before. But it was entirely different and I loved it just as much as I loved the rest of her.

"I can't believe how shy you're being," I told her, "you were the one who pretty much took control last night."

I chuckled and she swatted my arm.

"It's a good thing I did. Otherwise we'd still be downstairs," she quipped.

I gave her look. We'd have that conversation another time.

Bella grabbed the soap from me and returned the favor. And she returned it a little more vigorously. I was trying not to get too excited but she pretty much banished all hope of maintaining my composure when she grabbed my semi-erection. I groaned and placed my head in her shoulder.

"We have enough time," I murmured into her ear.

That was sufficient enough for Bella because the next thing I knew she had her arms wrapped around my neck. My mouth was completely occupied with hers. I clumsily shut the water off and pushed her out of the shower stall. Of course, Bella nearly tripped. I lifted her up quickly and carried her over to the counter. I wouldn't make it to the bed. I pulled away from Bella's mouth and sucked at the moisture on her neck.

"God, Edward," she moaned.

I grinned into her neck and palmed her breasts. I ran my thumbs over her taut nipples and she whimpered.

"I don't want any foreplay," she whispered.

I complied with her demands and slid into her. Bella grabbed my head and pulled my mouth to her own while I moved inside of her. When I was breathless, I closed my eyes and leaned into her shoulder. I could already feel myself getting overwhelmed. This probably wouldn't last too long.

I don't think either of us cared. We just needed to have each other again. I needed to remind myself this was real. Last night felt like such a dream. I pulled away panting and opened my eyes. I could see myself sliding in and out of her in the mirror in front of me. I clenched my eyes shut and concentrated.

"Damnit! I'm so close. Keep going," Bella gasped.

My whole body felt like an inferno. Bella placed an arm around my shoulders to give herself leverage and rocked her hips to meet mine. Thankfully, Bella came undone first and started to spasm around me. I held on for two more thrusts before I let myself give into the pleasure. My head fell against the mirror with a thud. I could feel Bella's stiff nipples rubbing against my bare chest.

"I need another shower," I mumbled.

Bella giggled and wrapped her arms and legs around my body.

"I'll be good this time," she promised.

I couldn't decide whether it was good or bad that she kept to her promise. Bella walked me to her front door when I remembered something.

"I know you're still mad at Charlie, but if you talk to him…don't say anything," I requested.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Scared?"

"Terrified," I replied honestly.

Bella laughed loudly and wrapped her arms around my waist. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Don't worry. I'm not quite ready to speak to Officer Krupke just yet."

I chuckled and kissed her once.

"Thank you."

I untangled myself from Bella and opened the front door.

"I'll call you later?"

She nodded and kissed me once more before I actually went to my car. I hopped into the silver SUV and took off. I was without a doubt that this was the happiest I'd ever been in my life. I changed into suitable work clothes quickly and drove to headquarters. I walked to my office with a smile plastered on my face.

I think a few people actually did a double-take. I wanted to laugh. I felt sort of bad. I knew I'd probably had a glare set in place each day I walked into the building this month. Most of these people probably forgot I was even capable of smiling. I went to my desk and logged in to my computer to check some emails. I needed to head out to Harper's precinct in a couple hours. I wasn't really working Fiori's case anymore because of Charlie.

Well, because of Charlie and also because of what happened three weeks ago.

_Flashback_

_I wasn't supposed to be at the courthouse today. No one knew I was here aside from Emmett. I sat down on a lonely bench and waited for the one person I was waiting to see emerge from the courtroom. The doors opened up and he strolled out with a smug grin on his face. I stood up abruptly and stepped in front of him. He raised an eyebrow and his two guards came closer. I scoffed. What _real_ businessman needed guards with him?_

"_Lieutenant, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Fiori grinned lethally._

"_I know what you did to me. I've got stitches in my fucking forehead," I pointed a finger, "and my car is in ruins. If you think for one second you're getting away with what you did you're kidding yourself," I hissed._

_At best, I was going to get written up for this. At worst, I was going to get fired and possibly hauled in. I didn't really care either way. I was beyond caring about things like my job. My life was a little higher on the list of priorities._

_Fiori laughed and I stepped closer to him. His guards tensed and moved forward. He raised a hand and they retreated a step._

"_I don't know what you think happened, Lieutenant, but I suggest you watch your step," he warned._

_I glared at him._

"_Next time you try and kill me…do a better job. I won't play this cat and mouse game with you. If you're going get rid of me just do it! Be a man about it!"_

_Fiori leaned forward, visibly pissed, and whispered lowly._

"_I'll be sure to tell my guys to look out for your car. Maybe if they find the emblem, I'll have them send it your way. I think you _need_ a reminder of who you're dealing with."_

_That did it._

_I lunged forward as he pulled back and was tugged backward by a set of huge arms._

_End Flashback_

I got an email from Harper, saying he'd be out in the field today, so I decided today would be a good day to work on my latest case…the mole. I was about to call up a colleague when I heard a knock on my door. I placed the phone back on the receiver and called out. Emmett stepped in and took his usual seat.

"Morning," he began.

He handed me a coffee and I thanked him.

"So, what do I owe you for this coffee?"

Emmett shook his head.

"I didn't bring in the coffee to—"

Emmett stopped mid-sentence and then cocked his head. I looked at him curiously and then chuckled.

"What's with you?" I laughed nervously.

He studied me for a second longer and then his mouth dropped.

"You had sex!" he yelled.

My eyes went huge. I looked outside my office window and was glad when no one had noticed Emmett's outburst.

"Jesus, Emmett!" I whispered.

He swiped a pen from my desk and threw it at my head. I ducked and missed the pen by centimeters. I looked at him like he was crazy.

"What the hell's your problem?" I hissed.

He stood up, shut the blinds, and then pointed an accusatory finger at me.

"You've been moping around for weeks because of Bella and then you have the nerve to screw some other girl! I thought you changed Edward. You really had us all—"

"Shut up," I groaned.

I sank back into my chair.

"NO! I will _not_ shut up. I like Bella. Hell, I even like her more than you right now. That's just wrong, Edward. You didn't see the girl I saw. Even Rosalie told me about what it was like when they hung out. This is ridicu—"

"When the hell did Rosalie hang out with Bella?" I cut him off.

"That's not the point!"

I closed my eyes and sighed. I didn't want to talk about what happened last night but it seemed I had to. Emmett was drawing all the wrong conclusions and this was getting out of hand.

"I had sex with Bella last night," I said quickly.

I opened my eyes and Emmett was mid-step. He was pacing around my office. His mouth was wide open. He quickly sat back down and regained his faculties.

"_What?_"

"You heard me," I said.

"Edward…how...what…how did that even happen?" Emmett stuttered.

"I don't want to get into details," I pleaded.

Emmett gaped at me, completely stunned. I shrugged.

"I know. It's still hard for me to believe too. Please don't say anything to anyone. It's not something I want to broadcast for obvious reasons."

He simply nodded.

"How could you even tell?" I laughed.

He rolled his eyes and relaxed.

"It's written all over your face, man."

"That's great," I muttered.

I definitely needed to go to Harper's precinct regardless. I could just imagine myself running into Charlie—a total look of 'Hi, Chief. I screwed your daughter senseless twice.'

_That_ would be fatal.

"Are you two dating now?" Emmett wondered.

I shook my head.

"It's a little difficult. I mean we haven't really even discussed it yet. I want to be with her more than anything but with my job," I stopped.

"So quit," Emmett shrugged.

I laughed.

"Yeah. Just quit. Real easy."

"Edward, no one is stopping you from resigning except yourself. You're not even really doing rounds with us anymore. What's the point of staying? Besides, with everything that's gone on in your personal life these last few months, you might as well give it a shot. Not to mention, it'd take Fiori off your ass."

I looked away, imagining a future with Bella. I loved her more than anything. I'd stay with her until she begged me to leave. But what if she did? Could I just give up my whole career for her? I knew the answer was yes, but logically it was a stupid move. It was in my nature to think rationally. It was why I was so good at my job. I could think critically. I could make the best decisions.

I decided I'd bring up the topic with Bella when the time was right. I didn't want to pressure her into anything yet. I knew what last night meant for me, but I still needed to be sure about her.

"Would you do it?" I asked.

"For Rosalie? In a heartbeat," he replied without hesitation.

I nodded.

"I'll mention it to her."

"You should. You two deserve to be together. Don't let the other crap get in the way. You've done that enough. Maybe you just need to take the bull by the horns and do things yourself. Stop wasting time," Emmett urged.

I glanced at my watch.

"I better go. I'll call you later and fill you in."

* * *

With a little help from Rosalie, I was speeding home to Bella. I couldn't get to my apartment fast enough it seemed. I parked unevenly and shot upstairs, skipping the elevator. I practically fumbled in my attempt to unlock the door. When I finally crossed the threshold and there was no sign of her anywhere…my heart dropped.

"Bella?" I called out nervously.

I placed my keys on the dining room table and walked towards the bedroom. I pushed the door open, expecting the worst, and sighed in relief when I saw Bella looking at photos on my dresser.

"Bella," I said quietly.

She jumped and dropped the picture she was holding. She placed a hand over her heart and laughed.

"You scared the crap out of me, Edward."

Bella smiled and I stepped towards her.

Now that I was with her, I was nervous. I was unsure of how to approach. Was it okay to kiss her? Did I throw her on my bed and pick up where we left off this morning? She answered the questions for me when she walked forward and pressed her lips to mine. They were delicate and soft. There was no underlying lust but rather just a simple show of affection.

I hummed in contentment and pulled away. I placed my forehead against hers and breathed in her scent.

"I missed you _so_ much," I confessed.

"I missed you too. I think I drove Rosalie insane," she giggled.

I chuckled and pulled back slightly to get a good look at my beautiful girl.

"She lives with Emmett. I'm sure you weren't that bad," I winked.

"No. I'm pretty sure I saw her motion to her forehead and pull an invisible trigger."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed Bella's hand, sitting down on the bed with her. I kissed her again, unable to help myself. I never thought I'd see the day where this was a possibility. As I pulled back, she stroked my face once and then looked towards the dresser.

"Is that your family?" she asked.

I nodded. Bella's eyes widened suddenly and she looked at me anxiously.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone into your room. I should have waited until you came home. It's just—"

I cut her off with another kiss.

"Don't worry about it, love. I'm sure you were bored. I tried to cut the meeting with the A.D.A. short, but he just wouldn't quit talking."

She shook her head.

"I don't mind it. Your job is important," she insisted.

I frowned infinitesimally. I hoped that didn't mean she would be against my resignation. I really found myself enjoying the idea. I could see us together, maybe living in Chicago. Alice would love another friend and my parents would adore her. They'd enjoy being able to put a face to the name.

"How about we go eat?" I suggested.

I pulled her up and tugged her into the kitchen. There was an entire spread of Italian food from my favorite restaurant. Rosalie had really outdone herself. I'd be indebted to her for a while.

"Rosalie insisted we get food from this place. I told her I could cook for you," Bella explained.

"It was my idea," I said, "If you don't like it, we can get food from somewhere else," I offered.

"No. It smells and looks great. I just…it must have cost a lot."

I stopped fumbling through the bags and looked at Bella. She was biting her lip.

"Did it make you uncomfortable?" I guessed.

Bella looked at me and I had my answer. It was good I noticed this about her now.

"Money isn't an issue so don't worry about it. But if you want, next time, you can cook."

If it made her more comfortable, I'd do anything. Bella nodded and smiled at me.

"She filled me in on your cooking skills," she smiled sheepishly.

I rolled my eyes.

"She would."

Bella walked across the counter and watched me while I opened the containers and separated the food. I grabbed some plates from the dishwasher and asked her what she liked while I served her a plate. When I was done, she grabbed the plate from me and kissed my chin before walking over to the dining room table. I followed after her and brought the drinks. We ate in silence for a little while, still a little nervous.

"I got a call from this magazine I interviewed for last night. They offered me a job," Bella broke the silence.

I wiped my mouth and swallowed.

"That's good," I said, genuinely happy for her.

"I told them I'd give them an answer by Monday," she added.

"What sort of magazine is it?"

"It's an online local news journal. They do some satirical pieces. The nice part is that I'd get to work from home."

"Is it what you want?" I wondered.

Bella shifted the food on her plate thoughtfully for a moment before answering.

"Yeah. I think it could be. What about you? How was work? Did you see my father?"

I chuckled and took a sip of water.

"Thankfully, no. I didn't really want to run into him after…last night. I was in the field for the better part of this morning. This afternoon I spent with Detective Harper."

Bella nodded.

"I've heard good things about him."

"He's a great man. He was my mentor."

She grinned beautifully at me.

"That explains a lot."

I ducked my head and smiled at her compliment. I glanced at her plate and noticed she was nearly done with her food. I stood up and grabbed my plate.

"Can I take that for you?"

She stood up and grabbed her dishes.

"Let's do them together," she suggested.

I froze for a moment. The request was completely benign but I'd never done something so…trivial with a girl before. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd done dishes, let alone with another person. My best guess was that it was sometime a while ago with Esme.

I made my feet move and tried to smile at Bella. It wasn't that I was uncomfortable doing it. It was just so strange for me. I knew I couldn't just wake up and be the perfect boyfriend. This was going to take some adjustment, starting with doing the dishes.

It was a small way to open myself up to this whole relationship deal. I still wasn't entirely sure what we were yet. This seemed like the best way to start. Bella took her place next to me at the sink.

"I'll wash. You dry," she ordered and flipped on the faucet.

I dried each dish, utensil, and glass with a dishtowel. I hadn't even realized I had one until Bella found it in one of the drawers. She laughed at me and shook her head. I was drying the last dish when I felt her arms wrap around my waist. The plate dropped into the dish rack with a clang and she laughed against my back. Her hands ran up and down my chest soothingly.

"Edward?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" I responded, equally quiet.

"I love you."

I smiled.

"I love you too."

I turned around, her arms still wrapped around my waist and bent down to kiss her. I pressed my mouth against her warm lips and moaned quietly. Her hot breath mingled with my own. I cradled her face in my hands and tilted her head to deepen it. When her tongue brushed against my lips, I opened my mouth quickly. Our tongues stroked and caressed each other's with heated passion. I would never get tired of kissing this girl. Bella pulled back breathlessly and panted.

"I think we better turn on the movie," she suggested halfheartedly.

I exhaled sharply and nodded. I didn't want this to be about sex. If I was going to do this boyfriend-thing, I needed to do stuff like watch movies. I hated Rosalie for suggesting the idea, but I knew it was good. I needed to prove to Bella that being with me was worth it. We sat in the living room and put on the movie Bella had picked out.

Mercifully, she picked something relatively harmless. It wasn't a scary movie or a raunchy comedy. It had a nice balance of everything. Bella leaned into my side as I held my arm around her shoulder. It was virtually impossible to be totally focused on the movie with Bella's warm body tucked into my side. I rubbed her arm affectionately as she toyed with the sleeve of my shirt.

As I sat there, I considered how I would broach the subject of my resignation with Bella. I honestly had no idea what her reaction would be. I didn't want her to be upset with me. And I especially didn't want to ruin what we had so soon. I felt Bella's hand snake up my arm to my shoulder. I glanced down at her and she looked at me shyly. I leaned forward and kissed her nose. When I pulled back and I saw the scowl on her face, I laughed.

"We both know you're not watching this movie," she said with an eyebrow raised.

I didn't respond. I scooped her up and carried her in my bedroom. When I placed her on the bed and crawled up her body, her skin flushed. It seemed shy Bella was back. I pressed my lips to hers and pushed her down. Her hand knotted into my hair and my own hands ran up and down her sides.

A sliver of her shirt ran up and I lightly stroked the exposed skin on her hip. Bella moaned and for some reason it awakened the more sensible part of me. I pulled away and sat back on my heels. She sat up and looked up confusedly.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked sheepishly.

I shook my head.

"No. You did nothing wrong. We just…need to talk," I admitted.

Bella looked away from me and pulled the hem of her shirt down slightly. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. I scooted closer to her and sat us against the headboard. I grabbed her hand and kissed her temple.

"I can't just continue to have sex with you, Bella. You mean more to me than you could possibly fathom. I want to do things the right way. My head gets all clouded when we do that," I gave her a smile.

Bella still seemed distant.

"Are you sure you want to be with me?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Of course."

"Then just be with me. I'm yours. You're mine. That's it," she said simply.

I sighed.

"You're missing the point. This extends beyond boyfriend and girlfriend details. I mean…do we have a future together? This is not just about sex for me."

Bella turned and faced me so she stared at me fully. I put my hands on her hips and looked into those warm brown eyes of hers. There was a slight crease in her forehead.

"It's not just about sex for me either. I want you, today, and I want you tomorrow and thereafter. I'm here," she insisted passionately.

I leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"I have to tell you something."

Bella pulled back, her face was full of apprehension. I stroked the crease in her forehead, hoping to make it disappear. I had no such luck. I looked at her hands on my thighs.

"I think I'm going to resign," I confessed.

When I looked at her, she seemed completely taken aback.

"But…why?"

"There's no reason to stay anymore. Things are getting progressively worse. I'm afraid if I stay any longer I won't be able to leave. I want to have a _real_ relationship with you. I spoke to Emmett today and he really made me see what's important. Now that I have you, nothing else matters."

Bella surprised me by scooting further away from me. Her frown was still in place and now she was biting her lip. She ran a hand through her hair and played with the ends.

"I can't ask you do that, Edward," she whispered.

"You're not asking me," I countered, "I _want_ to do this. I want this to work. I can't do this if I stay with the department. It's too dangerous. You're the Chief's daughter and the Lieutenant's girl. That is a recipe for disaster, Bella. You know this."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. This conversation wasn't going as well as I had hoped. She was feeling guilty. I was trying my best to avoid that route. I just needed her to know I was serious about this and that, if she was okay with it, I was done. My job didn't mean as much as her.

Now that I had her love, her mind, her body, her soul—everything—it changed my perspective. I wouldn't give her up, but I would give everything up for her. I opened my eyes and she was staring at me curiously.

"The Lieutenant's girl, huh?" she smiled and blushed faintly.

I smiled; despite the fact I was trying to be serious. Bella leaned forward and pecked me.

"I like the sound of that."

I groaned.

"Bella, be serious," I begged.

She giggled and kissed me again.

"I _am_ serious."

I pushed her back and looked at her. She sighed and looked at me in exasperation.

"It feels like this is all going to disappear at any minute. Please just humor me. I don't want to stress out over things prematurely. I want to enjoy what we have. When we get to that bridge, we'll cross it," Bella pleaded.

She gave me that innocent look and damn her for being able to break my resolve.

"Promise me, we'll discuss it soon. I need to do this quickly."

She nodded and wormed her way back into my arms. Bella straddled my lap and kissed my neck.

"Now where were we?" she asked rhetorically as she went to work on my neck and started unbuttoning my shirt.

I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the sensations that were coursing through my body. Her tiny fingers deftly undid my shirt and she pushed it away from my chest. I chuckled when I heard her squeal in pleasure. I skipped the wife beater today for her. She bit on my neck and that effectively cut off my laughter.

When I couldn't stand to just sit there any longer, I pulled her top over her head and grabbed her face. I tugged her lips to mine and she sighed in satisfaction. I coaxed her mouth open with my tongue and twisted my tongue around hers. I let go of her face and brought my hands to her breasts.

They were a perfect fit for my hands. Bella whimpered and rocked her hips into my inflated groin. I kneaded her flesh with my palms and groaned when I realized she was wearing something lacy tonight. I pulled back and looked at the material. She was wearing a lavender lace bra and her skin was pink with excitement.

"You are so unbelievably beautiful," I groaned and pulled her mouth back to mine.

I slipped the tantalizing lace past her shoulders and quickly removed her bra. As much as I loved her in it, it was obstructive. Bella shocked me by placing my hands on her breasts. Apparently I hadn't been quick enough about getting back to work.

She placed a hand around my neck and started to kiss down my face to my jaw. She placed small kisses while she slowly, leisurely, rocked on my lap. I reached a hand down to her jeans and popped off the button. I was about to bring the zipper down when she swatted my hands away.

"You have too many clothes on," she complained and pulled away.

Bella pushed my shirt past my shoulders and threw it aimlessly across the room. She did the same with the rest of my clothes until I was lying down on my bed, completely nude. At some point she'd lost her own jeans and was now straddling me. She was completely naked except for the matching lavender panties she wore. I tried to steady my breathing but it was useless. I was near panting and burning with lust.

I hooked a finger into her panties and pulled them down to her knees. She helped me get them off and then climbed back onto my lap. I surprised her when I flipped us over. I pulled the bed sheets over our naked bodies and pressed her into the mattress.

I drew a finger along her slit and was near combustion when I realized how wet she was. I situated myself between her legs and propped myself on my elbows. I looked into her eyes and kissed her once.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," she smiled at me and brushed my hair from my forehead.

"You're it for me," I told her as I slowly pushed my way inside her.

Bella moaned and arched into me. I fisted the pillow near her head and tried not to think about how tight she was too much. Her soft calve came and hooked around my left leg. I pulled back slowly and lunged forward deeply.

"Oh, that feels so good," she breathed.

I kissed her neck and rocked my hips back and forth. Bella wrapped her arms loosely around my back and tugged on my skin. I grunted and pushed forward once more. It was slower than the pace we'd done yesterday. Yesterday had been primal and passionate. Today was slower but still intense.

I was truly ready to drill into her but it seemed inappropriate. I was going to have trouble with that for a while. I needed to remind myself when it was time to fuck and when it was time to make love to my girl. I grabbed Bella's hips and pulled her to me.

"Shit," I hissed.

Bella moaned at my swearing and grabbed my ass, urging me to keep going.

"Edward, I need it faster," she begged.

I complied with her request and concentrated. If I lost track of what I was doing, I'd stop speeding up and just end up fucking her. The bed sheet dragged down to the back of my knees and I thrust into her.

"Yes, fuck, yes," she moaned.

I growled and released her hips to fist the pillow again. Bella's breathing picked up and her heart started to beat wildly against my own chest, which was tightly pressed against hers. I jumped and pushed into her harder than I intended when she actually squeezed my ass. Apparently that one thrust had been the sweet one because suddenly she was clenching around me and moaning incoherently as she came.

I followed right after and groaned when I heard my cell phone go off. I had half the mind to collapse next to Bella instead of on top of her. I sighed and decided to ignore the call. Bella gave me a smile as I looked at her, my face pressed into the bed. She rolled onto her side and kissed my temple. I hummed when she ran her fingers through my hair.

"You're not going to answer it?" she wondered.

Her question reaffirmed what I already knew. I needed to answer the call. I exhaled and was glad the sound had stopped when it went to voicemail. I was hoping the caller would just leave a voicemail but luck was against me when, of course, the stupid chime started to go off again. I grunted and pushed off the bed irritated. I snatched the phone out of my jeans on the floor and answered.

"Hello?" I growled.

Bella giggled and I glanced at her over my shoulder. She covered her mouth and propped herself up on her elbow. The bed sheet was draped around her body like a toga.

"Edward?" I heard a familiar voice squeal.

"Alice?"

I was completely shocked. I half-expected it to be Charlie or Emmett. I sat down on the corner of the bed, relieved, and rubbed Bella's foot that was sticking out from beneath the sheet.

"Edward! Oh! You won't believe what just happened. Jasper and I were having a late night out-on-the-town and we saw this baseball player from the Mariners. Apparently they're playing here in Chicago and we met him and I got his autograph. He reminded me of you since the Mariners are from Seattle. Do you remember when we went to that game last summer? I had such a good time!"

"Alice, breathe," I ordered.

She stopped talking and I chuckled. Bella raised an eyebrow and I shook my head. She wouldn't get it. You had to know Alice to get it. Suddenly, Jasper was on the other line.

"Sorry, Edward. I'm sure you were either sleeping or busy. Alice insisted on calling you. I honestly didn't know _who_ she was calling when she snatched my phone from me at first. I'm sorry, man. We'll let you go."

"No. It's fine. I was just um…finishing up something."

Bella snickered and I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"Oh. Okay. Well we'll let you get back to what you were doing. I'll call you later this week. You should call Mom by the way. She's been worried sick about you."

I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me. Bella jerked her foot away from my hand and ran it up my forearm. I gave her a look and she giggled.

"I will," I promised.

"Okay, Edward. Goodnight. Oh, wait. Alice wants to say goodnight."

I heard the phone shift and Alice's bell-like voice was now on the other side.

"Night, Edward! Sweet dreams!"

I laughed.

"Goodnight, Alice."

I hung up the phone and threw it back towards the pile of clothes on the floor. Almost comically, it landed in the cup of Bella's bra. When I looked back at her, she was smiling a wicked smile. I leaned towards her and inched up her body, slowly pulling the sheet away and exposing her perfect body. I kissed from her stomach to her mouth and was rewarded with a soft sigh from her lips. I pulled back and smiled at her.

"What did Alice say?" Bella asked.

I scooted under the covers with her and put an arm over her curvy waist. I ran my fingers up and down her spine softly.

"Mmm, something about a baseball player," I murmured and nuzzled my face in her neck.

"What baseball player?" Bella questioned, slightly breathless.

"A guy on the Mariners. Honestly, I don't even think she knows who he is. She never said. I guess he just reminded her of me. Something about Seattle," I whispered into her neck and kissed her throat.

"Edward," she sighed and threaded her fingers into my hair.

That effectively started round two, which lead to round three. I could have tried for a fourth but I was exhausted and had work in the morning.

I woke up to the sounds of pots and pans clattering in my kitchen. I immediately went defensive and almost considered grabbing my gun when I remembered Bella was here. My button down was missing so I slipped on my boxers and climbed into the bathroom to get ready while she fumbled around. After I showered and brushed my teeth, I found Bella in my kitchen.

She was reaching up into the cabinet for something and her lavender panties were sneaking out from the bottom of my shirt. I leaned in the doorjamb and watched her perfect ass for a few minutes before I decided to give her a hand. I reached for the bag of sugar she was aiming for and steadied her when she buckled from surprise. Bella gasped.

"Edward! You have to stop sneaking up on me," she scolded and swatted my chest.

I laughed and kissed her perfect lips.

"But your reaction is so much fun. You're easily the clumsiest person I know."

Apparently, my grin wasn't enough to ease the teasing dig I'd made at her poise. She scowled at me and pushed me away from her as I placed the sugar on the island. I leaned against the refrigerator and watched her put sugar in a cup of black coffee. I noticed there were two plates full of eggs and bacon. I kissed her temple and grabbed the plates for her.

As I brought them into the dining room, I heard her ask me how I took my coffee. When I grabbed her coffee and took a sip, she gasped and then realized I was answering her question. She rolled her eyes and walked into the dining room. I teased her relentlessly during breakfast, running my hands up her thighs and skimming my fingers along the backs of her knees.

"Edward, stop," she ordered but it came out like a moan.

I pulled my chair closer to hers and started kissing her neck.

"Are you sure you want me to stop?"

"You…you have to leave for work soon."

I sucked on her skin and started unbuttoning her shirt. She grabbed my hands immediately and tried to push my chair away with her foot. I laughed at her and grudgingly moved away.

"Okay. Okay. I give!"

She grinned at me smugly and sipped on her coffee. I was glad this morning. I wanted my mornings to be like this every day. With Bella.

* * *

Also a reminder, the Bellie Awards are still accepting nominations. Go and support limona and wtvoc by sending in nominations. The Indies have also started accepting nominations as well. A link for the Bellies is on my profile.

A suggestion of some great stories: Art After 5 by sleepyvalentina; Hydraulic Level 5 by gondolier; Trust in Advertising by vjgm (which is only on Twilighted). The Age of Edward contest is also going on. I think I may enter. I'm not sure. I'll keep you guys posted.

Review and I'll send Copafeelward over to kiss down your neck and unbutton your shirt ;)


	28. Chapter 28

I'm officially back. I apologize for the delay. I had some major issues going on in my personal life. For my own security, I cut off contact with FanFiction for a bit until things settled. I was just too accessible on a site that's relatively unregulated like this one. Thank you for your patience and understanding!

No chapter song. I wrote this chapter in pieces so I never had one theme for it.

_I don't own Twilight, and I'm super jealous of all the Twilighted ladies who were at Comic-Con =/_

* * *

On Sunday morning, I sat in my bed with Bella and a pile of newspapers. She insisted I put my glasses on while we read each paper from top to bottom. Bella absentmindedly rubbed and twisted her feet with mine while I sat against the headboard. I looked down at her lying form and she was staring intently as she read the editorials.

"Rosalie and Emmett want to hang out tonight," I said offhandedly.

Bella looked up at me and smiled.

"Tell them to come over!" she exclaimed and sat up quickly, "I'll cook something really nice."

I looked away from her and back at the newspaper. I was eager to see her interact with Rosalie and Emmett again—under better circumstance since last time—but I was honestly segueing into the conversation I really wanted to have with her. I grabbed both of our papers and put them to the side of the bed, trying to get her attention.

Bella turned to me. Her hair had more volume than normal thanks to our all-night romp and her pajamas were slightly disheveled. She seemed confused by my behavior.

"Bella, tomorrow is Monday," I said carefully.

She frowned for a moment, not understanding why I was bringing up tomorrow's significance.

"You need to give your decision to that online journal you interviewed for."

Bella's eyed widened ever so slightly in understanding.

"Do you have an answer?" I wondered.

It was stifling in the room. I couldn't decide if it had to do with the newfound tension or the uncommonly nice weather outside. I figured it was a combination of both. Bella crawled into my lap and placed her feet on either side of my hips. She bit her lip and wrung her hands together, suddenly nervous.

"I was thinking about it last night. Before we fell asleep," she admitted.

She placed a hand on my chest and played with the fabric of my t-shirt.

"Do you remember that conversation we had a long time ago?" Bella looked at me, "You know the one where I was telling you about why I write and what I want to accomplish."

I vaguely remembered the conversation. If I was remembering accurately, we'd had it the first time she met Rosalie.

"Mhm."

"Well, I don't know. I feel like I'm sort of resigning myself to that job simply because it's a job. I know times are bad, but I just don't feel that passion I should feel."

Bella looked down and her hair fell in front of her face like a curtain. I brushed her hair back and placed it behind her tiny ears. When I prompted her with my fingers, she raised her chin and looked at me.

"No one is making you take that job, love. If you don't want to accept it, you don't have to."

"It's more than that," she countered, "I have a mortgage to pay. Not to mention other bills. I can't stop working like this. I'm already draining my savings."

"So sell the house. You stay here more than you do your own house anyway," I suggested.

Bella looked at me. Her face was unreadable.

"Edward, I can't sell that house. It…it means a lot to me. Besides we've only been dating less than a week. You know what tempers we both have. I can't be careless about this."

"Are you saying you don't think this will last?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No," she shook her head, "it's just…I need to be smart about this. I can't move back in with Charlie. No matter what our relationship has changed. I haven't spoken to him in nearly three weeks. What kind of father does that?"

"Baby, from what you told me, it sounds like you told him you'd speak when you were ready. Maybe he's just trying to give you space," I added.

I hated coming to Charlie's defense but it was necessary. Bella was being a little unfair. She told me the last thing she'd said to him

"Still. He should have at least called. Make sure I was still living," she huffed.

I rubbed her arm to soothe her.

"You're evading the original topic," I reminded her.

Bella didn't respond.

"I don't want to push you but time is slipping through our fingers. You know at some point we're going to have to do something drastic. We don't have the luxury of time like other couples."

"And you can take half the blame for that," she retorted.

I was surprised by the hint of bitterness in her tone. I grimaced. Bella started speaking again.

"I don't want to argue about it. We both made mistakes and wasted more time than is even fathomable sometimes. But I'm warning you, don't push me on this. I don't do well when people force or urge me to make decisions. I'm stubborn."

I laughed a sharp laugh.

"Don't I know it?"

Bella raised an eyebrow and stopped playing with my t-shirt.

"We still need to talk about my resignation as well."

She sighed and crawled off my lap, taking her former place on my bed. I glared at her, upset with her disposition. I was doing this for her. Not because I was the sort of guy who did things on a whim. The least she could do was appreciate my effort. I was trying to insure us a stable future. I didn't really see her doing the same. And as I remembered her words from the other night, she wasn't focusing on a future, she was focusing on our relationship now. I honestly didn't like her stance. It made me feel like she didn't think we could have a future.

"Edward, I'm not going to ask you to do that. It's your decision. I guess I'll support you either way," she remarked and picked up a paper.

I snatched it out of her hands and threw it aside. Her look was of disbelief and anticipation. She was waiting for me to explode.

"You _guess_ you'll support me? I told you I loved you. I'm ready to build us a future together and you _guess_ you support me. First of all, I'm not asking for your support. I'm asking for you to take a real fucking position on this. Not avoid it like the big white elephant in the room and be so blasé. I've been going through hell for _months_, hoping in some small way this will work. I will _not_ allow you to ruin us like this before you've even given us a real chance. Not just enjoy some great sex and good conversation. You're kidding yourself if you think that that translates into giving this relationship a chance."

Bella gaped at me. It was our first fight and, shit, we'd only been together for five days.

"Is _that_ what you think I'm doing? I was depressed and sick with worry for you for a month! Not including all the time I spent moping around after I broke things off with Jacob!" I rolled my eyes at that one, "Don't you dare roll your eyes at me! And don't you dare try and belittle the effort I've made for this relationship because it sure as hell wouldn't have happened if I weren't the one to take control the other night. You'd still be brooding and moping around like a little bitch, if it weren't for me. You want to talk big and accuse me of not making the effort? Look in a damn mirror, Edward. Excuse me for wanting to do things rationally!"

"Rationally? You want to talk about rationality? Fine! Here's this! _You_ were the one to push me away first. Or did you forget Bremerton?" Bella flinched, "I don't want to have a 'who's horse is bigger' contest. I damn well know you suffered and so did I. Don't preach to me about rationality. It's why I fucking work at my job. Every signal is flaring red, telling me not to resign, and I'm pushing them away for you. You wanna know why? Because I fucking love you! Nothing else in this shit city matters to me except for you. I'm not doing this because it's the craziest decision to make and I'm going for shock-value. I'm doing this because I want you. I want you for the rest of my life. Even when you call me a bitch, I want you!"

Bella couldn't stop the tears that were flowing now. They were smooth and delicate but I could see the emotion behind her clouded eyes. I wasn't trying to start a fight with her. I wasn't trying to hurt her. I just needed her to know I was more certain about her than anything else I'd ever been in my life.

I would go pick out a ring and place it on her finger right now if she wanted me to. I'd sell my apartment and move to Chicago or fucking Germany if she wanted me to—because the fights didn't scare me. What scared me was not waking up and seeing her drool a little if she was really tired, or not being there when she slipped on the tile in the bathroom, or not fucking making her scream cause I was giving it to her good.

It had been five days of this and I was hooked. It wasn't the normal relationship. It never would be. I didn't need to live with her for three years to know she was going to be one who walked down the aisle to meet me. And I didn't need to date her for a few weeks or months to know I was so crazy absurd in love with this girl. I'd had eight months to figure that shit out.

I pulled her into my arms and she sobbed against my chest. I whispered my apologies to her and stroked her hair as she soiled my t-shirt. Bella nodded and mumbled her apologies back. I didn't miss the way she gripped my back tightly, almost willing me to stay with her forever. She was lost and, damnit, I was going to be the one that claimed her. I kissed her hair while her breathing steadied to an occasional hiccup.

By some stroke of incredible luck, this girl was with me. I was the wrong guy. And even though I'd come clean about everything during our seven-hour-all-night-conversation on Friday evening, I still felt like I didn't deserve this woman. I'd put her through hell and back and she still loved me. Even when she was angering me like this, I knew she still loved me. I could never doubt that.

But I needed her to prove me she had faith in us like I did. Tuesday night had shown me something incredible. I needed to take control of my life. I needed to persevere and put effort into making the things that made me happy stay. Somewhere along the line from Tuesday night to when Bella woke up on Wednesday morning, her faith had gotten lost in the mix. She'd taken control and yet now she was pulling back. I needed my girl to stick by me.

"I'm," she hiccupped, "so sorry for calling you a," she hiccupped once more, "bitch."

I pulled back and looked into her face while I smoothed the moisture underneath her eyes away.

"You can call me a bitch anytime," I chuckled.

I kissed her on the forehead and brought her back into my arms, laying us down in the sea of pillows, blankets, and newspapers.

"I just need you to trust in us," I whispered into her hair.

"I do. I'm just…scared. I don't want you to resent me for making a bad decision. Sometimes I'm so high on love that I worry for us. Someone needs to be the level-headed one in this relationship."

"Baby, I wouldn't do this if I wasn't sure there was at least a good chance of it being successful. I mean…I told you. Nothing in Seattle matters to me except for you. How would you feel about that?" I hesitated out of nervousness, "You know...starting over somewhere else?"

Bella shifted to look me in the eye.

"Starting over?" she said quietly.

I nodded.

"Where?" she wondered.

I sighed in relief at the excitement that hinted around her eyes. It was hidden but bubbling beneath the surface.

"I was thinking Chicago, but it doesn't have to be there. We can go anywhere you want—New York, Florida, back to Arizona, a small town, a farm. You name it, and we're there. We can even stay in Washington if you want."

"A farm?" she asked curiously.

"Okay. Maybe I was exaggerating with the farm," I confessed.

Bella giggled.

"Chicago sounds nice. I've never been there."

"It's great. Where my family lives is even better though. It's a quiet area. Lots of nice homes. It isn't too far from the city. We don't have to live in a big city if you want," I offered.

"No. As much as I hate the city sometimes, I can't imagine not living in one anymore," she mused.

"It's cold," I warned.

"It's cold here too. I can handle it."

I scoffed.

"The cold over there is a little different, love."

"Well then it's a good thing I'll have you keep me warm," she said suggestively but there was a slight question in it.

It was almost as if she wasn't sure.

"Of course I'd be there to keep you warm," I told her and kissed her once.

Bella traced her fingers along the skin of my face.

"I can't believe we just had our first fight," she said in awe.

"It was bound to happen. Five days isn't so bad," I laughed.

She rolled her eyes and looked down at my chest before she spoke again.

"I need to speak to Charlie. Maybe it's part of why I haven't made a decision. I still have loose ends. Does that make any sense?"

I nodded and she sighed. Bella sat up and started to climb out of my bed.

"Where are you going?" I wondered.

She went over to the bathroom and started to pick up our clothes.

"I should go home and do a few things. I'll come back later and start cooking. Tell Rosalie and Emmett that 6:30 sounds good."

I nodded but eyed Bella carefully.

"You're not leaving because you're scared, are you?"

Her head whipped in my direction.

"No. Don't think that," she replied.

I accepted her request but didn't forget it. This relationship was going to be difficult if this was her M.O. Fight or flight. Bella left and I ended up with a bunch of free time on my hands. The apartment wasn't too messy so I didn't really bother worrying over that. I decided to take advantage of Bella's absence and call a few friends and old acquaintances. I was serious about resigning. Bella would be number one on Fiori's hit list if it got out she was sharing my bed.

"Hello. Can I speak to Eric Yorkie?"

The woman on the other line gave the phone to another person and before I knew it one of my former superiors was on the other line.

"Hello?"

"Eric? It's Edward. Edward Masen. Do you remember that conversation we had about personal security a few years back? I'm thinking you might be able to point me in the right direction."

* * *

"Holy shit, Rosalie. You suck at this game," I laughed and placed a card on the table.

Rosalie and Bella were getting their asses beat in Bullshit. Bella would have been able to hold her own had Rosalie not been bringing her down. Damn Rosalie.

"Fuck off, Edward."

Bella giggled and Emmett grinned. I knew Bella would give me hell for pairing her up with Rosalie. It was honestly because they were both without penises. I can admit it. Besides a little gender competition never hurt anybody. Maybe I'd even end up getting lucky because of it. Emmett put down our six of diamonds among a bunch of other cards. Luckily, the top card was true.

"Bullshit," Rosalie immediately called out.

Bella's eyes snapped shut and she groaned.

It was only four cards but Bella and Rosalie had racked up enough already.

"Can I drop her?" Bella asked from behind her hands.

Emmett laughed.

"Hell no. What is that phrase? Chicks before dicks? She's stuck with you, Bella."

I couldn't help but chuckling. Bella stuck her tongue out at me, flipped me off, and scooped up their cards. The girls put down their next cards. I knew there were some bullshit cards in there but I figured the majority were probably true. I wasn't going to risk it. Either way we ended up playing six more rounds (which Emmett and I won) after the three we had already played.

"Emmett, check the Mariner's game," I instructed from the kitchen as I grabbed a couple more beers.

I felt two hands slip over my eyes and I smiled. I turned around and leaned in for a kiss. A palm in my face stopped me short.

"Chill it, Masen."

I rolled my eyes and gagged. Rosalie gave me a smug eyebrow. If I didn't have Bella, and she wasn't seriously dating Emmett, I wouldn't have minded kissing Rosalie. She was a gorgeous girl but not Bella. She knew it too.

"So, it seems things are progressing nicely with Bella," she commented and grabbed a few pretzels from the bag next to the stove.

I nodded but didn't say anything.

"You two are mooning over each other every time you lock eyes. It's kind of gross," she laughed, "I guess you're still in the 'Honeymoon' Phase."

I scoffed.

"We got into an argument this morning. I don't really think that counts towards the Honeymoon Phase."

"You what?"

Her look was of complete disgust.

"You two are truly that immature and argumentative?"

I shrugged and placed the beers on the counter. They were cold and this conversation didn't seem over yet.

"We were arguing about what our next step should be. You already know how dangerous things are at work for me right now. I don't think she completely grasps it yet. I mean you saw me during all of this month. She didn't. She doesn't know about the thing at the courthouse and the letters," I said quietly and checked to be sure we weren't being eavesdropped on.

"I can't stay with the department any longer. Finally being with her made me see it. It was like I stopped seeing everything in a fog. My perspective completely changed. I have her and her well-being to take into consideration now—even more than before. All that making sure she was safe shit was nothing compared to now. I want to go to Chicago but she doesn't seem into it. I mean I'm willing to move to Tacoma if she still wants to be in Washington or even some shitty Peninsula town. I just can't stay in Seattle anymore."

"Have you thought about telling her everything that happened? I mean maybe that'll jumpstart her to make a decision. As much as I wish you had it easy like Em and I do it's just not the same circumstances. It's not a good idea to keep such a huge secret, Edward."

I nodded. I knew this.

"I just don't want to scare her, ya know?"

Rosalie nodded in understanding and sighed.

"If you ever need Emmett and I just say the word. I'd sleep on my living room floor if she needed a place to stay. In the three years I've known you I've never seen you this happy. Emmett's a big guy. He can take care of us if you needed to keep her safe for a bit."

I looked away from Rosalie and swallowed.

I'd had this conversation with Emmett on Friday afternoon during lunch. I didn't anticipate needing Emmett and Rosalie to keep her safe but it was good to know he had my back in case. If things got dangerous I'd send Bella to stay with Emmett and Rosalie as a sort of safe-house in a heartbeat. I just didn't want it to come down to that. I was going to try and break ties with the department as soon as possible.

"Uh, you guys? The beers are sweating," Bella pointed out as she stood in the kitchen's doorframe.

I smiled and grabbed them from the counter. I gave her a kiss on the forehead as I exited past her and went into the living room. Emmett was transfixed on the baseball game. Rosalie gave me a look before she sat down which, thankfully, went unnoticed by Bella. I made a gesture for her to cool it and she backed down.

"We should go to a baseball game," Emmett suggested.

Bella's eyes light up and she looked at me hopefully.

"Edward, that'd be so much fun. I haven't been to Mariner's game in forever."

I wanted to give in to those big eyes of hers but I couldn't. Bella had called me out on being level-headed this morning. I needed to make more of an effort in that area. Besides I was just a little more than nervous about a real date with her. Over the last five days, we'd spent all of our time together indoors at my apartment.

"I don't know, Bella. Let's see how things progress. I'm not sure how good of an idea it is to be in public together just yet."

Her face fell a bit but she nodded understandingly. Rosalie made a sound that was somewhere between annoyed and disgusted.

"Honestly, Bella. Do yourself, and Edward, a favor and just announce to everyone you're Charlie's daughter. Are you two really going to resign yourselves to Edward's lumpy bed for the rest of your lives?"

"My bed's not lumpy," I argued.

Bella shook her head and turned towards Rosalie who was sitting on Emmett's lap, next to me.

"I wish it were that simple. I'd become Public Enemy #1 if I did that, especially now," Bella replied solemnly.

Emmett lowered the TV a bit and looked at me with concern. He understood Bella's reasoning but he also wished she could follow Rosalie's advice. The silence was profound. No one had a brilliant idea to counter Bella's solid rationale. I rubbed her arm soothingly and pulled her into my side.

I was hoping I could convince her with words that I'd happily stay in my apartment for the rest of my life if it was the only way we could be with other. Of course I knew things would get better eventually. I mean they had to. A commercial came on and Emmett lightened to mood and got us over the awkward silence. I'd be eternally grateful for his presence. I could always count on him to add a bit of happiness to everything. He was simply happy-go-lucky.

As we walked Rosalie and Emmett out, Rosalie stopped to chat with Bella about a few "girl things" as she had snapped at me. I guess I knew better now than to get nosy when Rosalie had that mischievous look on her face and was huddled close with Bella. Whatever it was, I didn't want to know.

Unless she was talking about me, then I wanted to know _everything_ Bella had to say. I heard Rosalie say something about going out for drinks and I rolled my eyes—getting the point—and moved closer to Emmett.

"Have you made a decision on the thing we discussed last week?" Emmett questioned.

I shook my head.

"Bella and I had a 'chat' about it this morning. I _did_ talk to Eric Yorkie today."

Emmett raised his eyebrows. He knew exactly why I was talking to Eric.

"He's still with that company?" he wondered.

"No. He owns his own company now. It's been really lucrative and he's gotten quite the reputation in only a year. All of his clients are well-known."

Emmett nodded.

"I can't believe you're really doing it though. I meant what I said to you the other day but the more I think about….I mean what happened to becoming Captain?"

I looked over at Bella who was blushing red and looking at Rosalie with embarrassment.

"That's what happened," I explained and pointed over towards Bella.

Emmett shrugged and shook his head. He had admitted me to on Friday, during lunch, that he was starting to consider the idea of me leaving the SPD more seriously. Apparently the more he thought about it the more he was unsure if he'd given me the right advice. I appreciated Emmett's concern for possibly steering me in the wrong direction but he'd actually been right.

It was a little easier for him and Rosalie. Their situation was different. He wasn't telling me anything wrong by saying he'd give up the department for Rosalie. It was simply less of a life-changing decision for him. He was younger than me, didn't have as much at stake concerning his career, wasn't dating the Chief's daughter, and wasn't as high up as I was.

"I never took you for a softie," he laughed.

"Neither did I. I don't think I'll have a decision in a week or even two, but I do know that slowly but surely I'm cutting myself out of the SPD. I just need a change of scenery. Seattle isn't the city for me anymore."

"I understand. No need to explain. It can happen to anyone and no one would hold it against you. Your willingness is just surprising is all. I just want you to make sure you give it some real thought. As great as a job as you'd have with Yorkie, I just can't see you doing it. It seems so…pedestrian for you. I mean c'mon how many home invasions, hostage crises, and operations with the Bomb Squad have you done? I mean you're practically doing the opposite with Yorkie."

I shrugged and didn't respond. I didn't have some air-tight explanation as to why I was pursuing a job with Eric's company. It just seemed like the best alternative for right now. It was a relatively safe job. I'd make good money doing it. I might have to travel at times but Bella could always come along and besides if I ended up in some place like Chicago I would have my family to look after her.

It seemed good in theory. I would definitely analyze all angles and discuss it with Bella before making a decision, but it seemed like a good idea.

"C'mon Emmett. I've got job-hunting to do tomorrow," Rosalie prompted as she hooked an arm into his.

Bella slid underneath my arm and wrapped her arms around my waist. I squeezed her into my side and waved Emmett off.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow, Bella. We'll go…shopping," Rosalie smiled severely and disappeared.

I closed the door with a perplexed expression. I didn't want to know. I locked the door for the night and went into the kitchen where Bella was already getting out the necessities for the dishwasher. I helped her out and collapsed on my bed later on in exhaustion. Bella took a shower first. I closed my eyes while I waited. I was jolted awake when I felt the bed shift.

By the time I opened my eyes she was underneath the covers and giving me a shy smile. I leaned over and kissed her, only for it to progress into a kiss that was much more intense and longer than I had intended. I was about to go for second base when Bella stopped my hand from reaching beneath the bed sheet.

"Go take a shower," she ordered.

I pulled away, annoyed, and hard. I snatched a few things out of my dresser and ignored her giggles as I went to take a cold shower. When I came out, I realized that shower had been entirely necessary. Bella was already lightly snoring. I rolled my eyes and climbed in with her. I set my alarm and fell asleep quickly. The following morning, when my alarm went off, I groaned.

I reluctantly got out of bed and got ready slowly. The most surprising part came when Bella actually slept through my entire morning routine. It was actually sort of unnerving. I pulled the sheet away from her to check if she still had a pulse and came up short. She was wearing an old t-shirt of mine. I was instantly half-chub.

"Damnit," I muttered.

I decided to leave the bedroom immediately. I wasn't going to assault her first-thing in the morning when she woke up. It was a hard decision to stick by but I did it. Work was mind-numbingly dull. The only time I felt a slight twine of excitement was when I got texts from Bella. She was helping Rosalie apply for jobs and browsing stores for Rosalie's benefit.

From what it seemed, Bella wasn't too much into the shopping thing. She didn't mind doing so but she definitely didn't prefer to spend her time in the mall. When I got home, Bella was sitting with her laptop on my couch. At first she had a scowl on her face but when she saw me her face brightened. That definitely inflated my ego a bit. I greeted her with a kiss and planted myself on the couch with her.

"Look," she demanded and shoved the computer towards me.

I picked it up and blinked once to focus on what she was showing me. It was a picture of a well-known actress dressed up in an outfit that sort of reminded me of Bella's Halloween costume.

"What am I supposed to be looking for?" I asked, slightly confused.

Bella rolled her eyes.

"She makes a terrible Black Widow!" Bella cried.

I laughed.

"Would you have preferred to been cast in the role?" I asked playfully.

Bella huffed.

"Of course not! But look at her! I think a little part of me just died inside," she muttered dramatically.

I shook my head and got off the couch. I went into the kitchen and thankfully Bella was not only a great cook. She was also very intuitive. I served myself a large plate of steak fajitas and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. Bella smiled at me when I came in. I turned on ESPN while she ignored me and typed away on her computer.

"Did you buy anything when you went shopping with Rosalie?" I asked while watching the random baseball game that was on.

"A few things," Bella replied.

I nodded.

"Have you spoken to your father yet?"

"He wants to talk tomorrow night. I think I'll invite him for coffee or something. I was going to tell you about it."

"That's good. Did you call that job?"

Bella giggled.

"What is this? 20 Questions?"

I looked away from the TV screen and she was looking at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry. I just haven't seen you all day. And we didn't really talk about anything substantial in our texts. Mostly you were making me laugh," I admitted.

I remembered the S.O.S. she sent when Rosalie dragged her into a store that apparently sold sex toys and lingerie. Rosalie may not have been working for Wallace anymore but the girl was still a fiend. Emmett had gotten lucky on that end.

"Well, yes, I did call. I accepted the job. I was working on my first assignment before I got distracted by the awful Black Widow."

I chuckled.

"What's your first assignment?" I asked.

"It's a secret. When I post it, I'll show you the article and you can read it."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Will begging or persuading you with sexual advances get you to tell me?" I inquired hopefully.

Bella threw her head back and laughed.

"Nice try, Edward. Nope. Feel free to use all the sexual advances you want though," she teased.

I grumbled and turned back to the TV to ignore her. I heard her hitting away at the keys on her laptop furiously. I really couldn't even guess what she was writing about. I decided to actually pay attention to the game and leave it be. My cell phone went off during the top of the 9th inning when I was almost falling asleep.

I pulled it out of my pocket and checked the screen. It was a reminder. I had an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. It's a good thing I'd set the thing. I had completely forgotten about it since this thing with Bella happened.

"What was that?"

I glanced over at her.

"I have an appointment tomorrow."

She hummed.

"With who?"

"What is this? 20 Questions?"

I smirked and her head shot up from behind the screen of her computer. The playful glare she sent my way expressed her concession. I'd gotten her back.

"My therapist," I explained.

Bella looked at me more seriously. She knew I went to a therapist, of course, but it was something we didn't discuss at length too much. It was mostly because of the impression I'd specifically given her. It was a private thing for me. I hated being vulnerable and my sessions with my doctor was where I was most vulnerable. I just didn't want to mix Bella into that equation. She was a separate entity. I wanted to keep it that way.

Bella nodded her head in understanding and went back to whatever she was doing.

Later on I crawled into bed and Bella followed me in. I was completely exhausted but somehow I found the energy to make-out with her like a teenager for a solid hour. I probably wouldn't see her until late tomorrow. I needed something to keep my thoughts occupied with while I sat at home bored. She was having coffee or whatever with Charlie.

The following day at work was somewhat strange. There was this odd buzzing around work and I got this annoying feeling that Captain Oliveros was sort of avoiding me. I asked Harper about it and he waved me off and called me a girl. Emmett laughed for about 10 minutes straight when I told him about that. He didn't get his beer paid for during that round of drinks.

Bella texted me just before Charlie arrived at her place. Apparently she was nervous and missed me. I told her to call me if she needed me and I'd be there in a heartbeat. We were still in agreement that telling Charlie about our relationship was not the greatest idea, but if she needed me I'd forget about my fears and take care of whatever she needed.

Thankfully, the gods were watching out for me and she never called. At about 12 AM she crawled into my bed. I think I mumbled a hello to her but I couldn't be sure. I was practically delirious.

The next morning something other than my alarm clock woke me up. I opened my eyes slowly and found Bella looking at me with an expression that was filled with apprehension. She was kneeling next to me and wearing a grungy t-shirt of mine. I would have appreciated the view if that look on her face was different. I sat up immediately. It was a part of this new boyfriend-instinct thing I had going on.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

She grabbed the newspaper from the side of her feet and held up the front page. I should have been excited about what the headline read, but the color from my face drained so quickly I was suddenly suffering from an intense headache. I looked at Bella.

"He was arrested last night," she clarified.

I looked back down at the article. There was a picture of Danny Fiori being escorted from his house.

"You got a letter too," Bella added.

My head whipped up and I looked at her with naked panic. What was once my dream was quickly becoming my worst nightmare.

* * *

Cliffhanger?!

I know. I'm sorry. I'll try to update again soon so you won't have to wait. My summer class ends next Thursday so I'm back to having oodles of time. I'm also writing another story called _In Stereo_. It's super different from Secret but I think you'll like it. Link is on my profile so check it out ;)

**Please review! Let me know you're reading and that you still actually care about this story lol**


	29. Chapter 29

Sorry for the cliffhanger last chapter. I couldn't resist. A lot of people asked why Edward was so freaked out. You'll get your answer in this chapter. I wasn't purposely avoiding your questions or anything. I just wanted you guys to wait until I posted.

I have to be honest with you guys. Nearly 1200 people have this story on alert now and we barely made it past 70 in reviews last chapter. I know you guys are capable of more. If you have suggestions, concerns, or reasons why you're not reviewing...let me know. I know with the long absence it was hard to get back in the groove, but I don't want you guys to fizzle out on me. Please review. It's my only way of knowing what your perception of this story is.

Chapter Song: Something by The Beatles

_I don't own Twilight, but that's okay because Stephenie Meyer is getting ripped off left and right with all these vampire spin-offs now._ The Vampire Diaries (*The CW version)_, anyone? ;)_

* * *

I threw the newspaper from my hands and snatched the letter from Bella. I went to the kitchen and turned the stove on. The letter immediately caught on fire and I threw it in the sink. Bella finally caught up and was looking at me like I was crazy.

"Edward! What the hell are you doing?! Are you insane?"

Bella turned the water on which resulted in a large swell of smoke. She flicked the faucet off and coughed away from the sink. The letter was now unrecognizable. The edges were charred and the paper was darkened with ash. Not to mention it was soggy and limp. I looked at Bella. She looked absolutely terrified of me. No. This is what I prayed wouldn't happen.

"Bella," I whispered, "you have to leave—immediately. I have to go into work and find out what happened. You can't stay here anymore."

Bella shook her head, uncomprehending, and took a step towards me to launch herself into my chest.

"No," she cried, "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong. Edward, tell me."

Her arms were clutching my back tightly as though she was afraid I'd ever not be there for her. It would never happen. I would be there for her for the rest of my life if she allowed me. Nothing would keep me away, but right now…I needed to put some distance between us. Things weren't safe anymore.

"Baby," I croaked, "you can't stay. They'll know you're here now. He's in jail. Everything has gone to shit now."

Bella looked up at me and her eyes were full of tears.

"I'm not leaving you. Tell me. I need to know why."

I grabbed her hands from behind my back and dragged her into the bedroom. I found an empty suitcase in my closet and threw it on the bed hastily. I took whatever clothes of hers I could find. I snatched the ones from the floor, shirts from my dresser, and shoes near the bedroom door. I took it all. There could be no trace of her here any longer. Bella slapped at my hands as I went to place a few t-shirts of mine in her suitcase.

"Edward, stop! Look at me," she demanded and grabbed my face.

I broke down and started to feel as though I was being choked by my own hand. I couldn't breathe. It was all falling apart.

"Bella," I sat down on the bed, "that letter…it's a threat. It's the third one in a month."

It pained me when her hands fell from my face. They disappeared so quickly, as if someone had touched them with an iron-brander.

"What?" she asked.

Her question came out in a whoosh of breath. Suddenly, she was kneeling between my legs and wrapping her arms around her torso. There was terror and confusion in her eyes and I'd never hated myself more. I'd brought this upon her. This naked fear in her eyes was because of me.

"I'm _so_ sorry."

"Edward? Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged and placed my face in my hands.

"I didn't want to scare you. I thought I'd be fine. It'd be nothing. I expected to move on from the department, live somewhere else with you, by the time he ended up in jail. Something happened. It wasn't supposed to be this soon," I muttered in crazed whispers.

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed my face against her own.

"Edward, it's not your fault. We'll be fine. We'll work through it. We just have to take more precautions now. I'll go back to my house. We'll figure it out."

I shook my head before she even finished her optimistic monologue.

"No, Bella. It's too dangerous. We can't take any chances. One chance could be one too many….Damnit," I swore, "I should have told you earlier. It's just…I thought I could handle it. I didn't want to scare you away."

"You could never scare me away. I love you. I told you that. Nothing can change that."

I wrapped my arms tightly around Bella and hugged her to me with as little space as we could manage. What if I never got to hold her like this again? She was leaving. Even she knew she was leaving.

"I love you _so_ much," I whispered into her hair.

"Me too," she said as she pressed a kiss to my temple.

I pulled away and refocused. I needed to get her out of here but I wasn't sure how I'd do it. No one could come over and pick her up. If I was being sent a letter, it meant someone was watching me. They had to have noticed Bella being a regular visitor now. I was sure they recognized Rosalie and Emmett visiting the other night. They were the only two I trusted to come get her.

I couldn't ask Valence or Trigger to do me a favor. They'd know I was seeing Bella and that would open up a whole new can of worms. Bella wasn't Bella to them. She was Isabella Woods and my former co-worker/enemy. Charlie was definitely out of the question.

He'd make it so I'd never see her again. He would completely blame me for endangering her like this. He was right. I couldn't argue with that. There was no where I could send her where she could be safe.

I started to pack her things again and Bella made a move to help me. I tried to think of who I could ask this favor of. I didn't want her staying at her home anymore. There was a chance Charlie was being followed too and he had been there last night. She was alone there. I wouldn't allow it.

My hands prodded through the different things in my dresser until I felt a foreign fabric rub against the pads of my fingers. I pulled out a black negligee and looked at it confusedly. It had been tucked away in my dresser. Had Vanessa left this and all this time I'd missed it? Bella snatched it from my hands and looked at me with guilt.

"Is that…yours?" I rasped.

I cleared my throat and she nodded. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"I bought it when I was with Rosalie. I was planning on…tonight…I guess we'll have to take a rain check," she murmured with veiled disappointment.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She had been planning on doing something special tonight—for me. I ruined everything. I swallowed and looked away, not finding the words to try and make her feel better.

"This is my entire fault," I whispered as I closed the dresser.

I grabbed a dress shirt from the closet and decided to skip the shower today. I was going to be running late today and it just wasn't a priority at the moment. I still needed to figure what I'd do with Bella. As I slipped on my khakis, I decided to broach the idea I was most afraid of. Not because it was bad but only because her reaction could be awful.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" she replied from my bathroom.

"Would you do me a favor?"

Bella materialized and looked at me curiously.

"Um, I guess. Why?"

"If I asked you to do something for me, you'd do it? Would you trust me that much?"

I stood up but kept a safe distance. Her face was hesitant and suspicious. She seemed to be begging me to not ask her whatever would come out of my mouth next.

"Maybe…"

"Would you go to Chicago? Would you stay with my family until I got things sorted out?"

Bella's face changed abruptly. She was gaping at me and there was a hint of fury that bubbled underneath the surface.

"Ed-Edward…I can't do that. I don't even know them! They might hate me. I can't just stay with them."

"Bella, it's the only way I can guarantee your safety. Trust me. My family is not who Fiori and his mob are interested in. It's me. I mean your only other option would be to leave to Arizona."

"Then why would I need to leave?" she retorted, "And I'm not going to Arizona," she added as an after-thought.

"It's a precaution. You're still Charlie's daughter," I reminded her.

"What about him then? You don't think he'll suspicious of me when I'm suddenly not in Seattle anymore. What about my job? Edward, I can't leave to Chicago!"

"Bella, please, just trust me on this. It's the only way."

"No, there has to be another way!" she argued.

"I can't spend time fighting with you on this. Every second we spend arguing is a second wasted when we could be doing something productive about this situation."

"Edward, don't make me do this!"

I'd found an opening.

"Bella, please," I begged.

"No," she grumbled and started to cry.

I started towards her and she took a step back. She didn't break my resolve. I continued on until I wrapped her in my arms and cradled her body to me. Her body shook against mine.

"Baby, I need you to do this for me."

"I don't want to leave you," she sobbed.

"I know. I don't want you to go either but I need you to be safe. You're the most important thing in my pathetic life. Don't take away the one thing that holds meaning to me," I pleaded.

I must have had an epiphany or something because I was suddenly hit with an idea of who to ask for help in this situation. He didn't know Bella from a hole in the wall and he would make sure she'd get to where I needed her to be safely. I pulled back and grabbed my cell phone from my pocket. I continued to stroke Bella's hair as I waited for the caller to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Eric?"

"Masen?"

"I need a favor. I wouldn't ask unless it was an emergency. I need you to make sure someone gets somewhere safely. You're the only one I trust right now."

"What is it?"

"I've got someone here with me," I looked down at Bella, "and I need her to get to SeaTac safely. She's going to Chicago but I'm afraid she might become jeopardized. Danny Fiori was arrested last night and I've got a huge target on my back now."

"Shit, Edward. Um, this is really late notice. What time do you need me?"

"I'm going to buy the ticket right now. I'll email you the itinerary. Do you need my address?"

"No. It was on your résumé. I know how to get there."

Bella turned her head and burrowed her face into my shirt.

"Thanks, Eric. I owe you a million for this."

Eric laughed.

"Oh, trust me, Edward. I'll make sure you pay me back in full once you start working here. Just say the word and you've got a job."

"Alright. I'll call you later to check in."

I disconnected the call and dialed the airline immediately after. It would probably cost me a fortune to buy a ticket literally hour(s) before the flight departed but it wouldn't matter. It would end being the best money I'd ever spent if things went my way. I argued with the airline agent for a while before I booked a ticket for Bella at 9:40 A.M. It was already getting closer to seven.

I needed to call my parents and Harper. I'd get a lecture but I just couldn't make it into work on time this morning. Bella was my first priority. I wasn't leaving until I made sure she was in Eric's care and safety. Maybe if I was lucky, I'd get fired or something. It was unlikely but I was dreaming of the possibility anyway. As I called my mother, Bella locked herself away in the bathroom, avoiding me.

"Mom?"

"Edward! This is quite the surprise. Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Mom, I have an emergency and I need you to do me a huge favor."

Her demeanor changed immediately.

"Edward, what's wrong? Did you do something? What happened?"

I sighed.

"No. Just listen," I demanded out of frustration, "Bella is going to Chicago. I'm sending her there—to you—today. I need you to pick her up for me and keep her at your house until I can have her come back to Seattle. The department arrested someone earlier today and I can't have Bella around. It's too dangerous."

"Bella? Why would she come here? Edward, are you…seeing her?"

"Yes," I snapped.

"How could you not tell me this?!"

"MOM! I don't have time for this. Listen, I'm going to send you her itinerary. I need someone to pick her up. I don't care if it's you, Dad, Jasper, or Alice, but someone better be there. And I need you there early. She can't be wandering around O'Hare."

"Okay," Esme replied, "I'll send Alice and Jasper. I don't want her too overwhelmed by me and your father is working today. I'm sure Alice won't mind taking off and Jasper can get out of work."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. I'm so sorry about all this. Do you think you'll come soon?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and resisted the urge to punch a hole in the wall. This situation was all fucked up. My girl, my future fiancée, or wife (because let's face it…I was determined to marry her someday) was going to meet my parents after only a week of us being together and without me. Talk about ideal.

"I don't know yet. I don't even know all the details. I'm not going into work until I can make sure Bella is safely on her way to you guys. Hopefully, this will blow over but this situation is rather hopeless. I can't make any promises right now. I just need you to promise me she'll be taken care of. She's more important than anything."

I glanced towards my bathroom door. Bella had either stopped crying or she was calming down. Her sobs weren't as loud. I knew I'd never hear a more heart-twisting sound than the sound of her crying. She didn't cry often and now it seemed like every time I was with her I was making her cry. I was such a shitty boyfriend. I knew I was wrong for this but I'd go out trying.

"Of course, sweetie."

"Okay. I love you, Mom."

"Love you too."

I hung up and knocked on the bathroom door tentatively. Bella opened it quicker than I expected. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were stained with tears but she was more composed than she had been earlier.

"I just," she looked down at the floor, "needed to call my job. I quit. I told them there was a family issue that came up suddenly."

Bella's shoulders sagged and I felt like such a dick. I was taking away the one outlet that made her really independent.

My cell phone chimed and I glanced at it quickly. Eric confirmed he would be here to pick up Bella in an hour. I decided I'd use that time being close to her. I wanted to make love to her, to be as emotionally and physically close as we could, but the mood was all wrong.

I knew this was the time to hold her and simply press my forehead against hers. I sat Bella down in my living room with me. I held her tightly and was reassured of her faith in us when I felt her latch on just as tightly.

"Bella, this is all temporary. I'm going to go to Chicago and bring you back home personally. I'll kiss you and hold you and make love to you for the rest of my life as soon as this is over. I just need you to be patient and keep faith in us."

Tears started to dampen my shirt again and I rocked Bella against my body, trying to soothe away her sadness.

"I never want to be without you," she cried.

"I know, love. I don't want you to go either, but I promise this will be over soon. I'll do everything in my power to make this go away quickly."

I smoothed her hair back and pulled away to look at her. I kissed her pink nose and kissed her tears away. I pressed my lips against hers and she whimpered. I knew it was because she was emotional. Her salty tears mixed into our kisses soon after the sound escaped.

"I love you," I chanted between kisses.

"I love you too," she replied.

I pulled away, needing to catch my breath. Bella placed her head beneath my chin and clutched my shoulder blades desperately.

"Tell me what to expect," Bella requested in a breathless whisper.

I smiled and rubbed my fingers against her spine.

"Let's see…my mom smells like Chanel perfume and baked goods. Alice calls everyone babe. Carlisle reads the paper, from front to back, until his glasses practically slide off his nose," I chuckled, "And Jasper…well if you're ever thinking about something and don't want Jasper to know, stay far away from him. He's…intuitive."

Bella traced random patterns on my back.

"They sound really nice."

"They are. I promise you'll love them and they'll love you. Don't be afraid to be yourself around them. If Esme gets too nosy, get into that bitchy side of you I love so much," Bella pinched my back as I laughed.

"Will you do me a favor while I'm away?" Bella asked.

"Absolutely," I promised.

"Can you call the nursing home every once in a while? Make sure that Marie is okay. I don't know how often I'll be able," she trailed off.

I nodded and turned my head to kiss her forehead.

"What are you going to tell Charlie?" I wondered.

Bella sighed.

"I don't know. I'll say I got sent away on assignment. Hopefully, this won't last long and he'll buy it. If it gets to be ridiculous though, I'll have to just tell him about us," she admitted.

I agreed even though I really wished we could never tell Charlie. I just never saw how that conversation could ever work out. Bella was an adult and she was headstrong but I could never see her picking me over her father for an extended amount of time. Sure, she'd done it recently but that had ended quickly. Her resolve was weak even in her times of pure fury concerning his behavior.

I couldn't be mad about it. He was her father. If I had a kid, I'd hoped they wouldn't turn their back on me either. Eric knocked on the door and I frowned. Our hour had passed much too quickly. I slid away from Bella and opened the door. I closed it behind him and waited in the front hall.

"Did anyone see you come in?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"I've got someone watching out for me."

I nodded.

"Bella," I called out.

She came around the corner slowly and grudgingly. I introduced her to Eric quickly and instructed him on what to do when Bella got to airport and her flight left. Her bottom lip trembled several times and I knew she was struggling to keep it together. I walked her into the bedroom to grab her suitcase and admittedly buy more time with her.

After I zipped the luggage up, I grabbed her face and looked into those eyes of hers. She grabbed one of my wrists and suddenly her eyes grew wide. Bella ran into the bathroom and I looked after her with a confused expression. She returned and with her came the sound of her charm bracelet clinking. I smiled and grabbed her face once again to say goodbye with a searing kiss. It was brief but it was intense and painful.

I wiped away stray tears with my thumbs and took her and her suitcase out to Eric. I handed her over but not without my heart breaking. I squeezed her hand once and they disappeared quickly. There could be no hesitation at my door. When she was gone, I fell apart. The only thing I knew I could do was to go to work and try to distract myself. The sooner I tried to handle this Danny Fiori thing the sooner I could get my Bella back.

Harper was in an especially surly mood when I got there. I got _lit_ into for a good 10 minutes before I got to do anything productive. Apparently, Danny Fiori had been arrested because Marco Vega had made a plea deal and sold him out. Jack Tenorio was already in prison. Vega's testimonial and subsequent turnover of all the evidence needed was the nail in Fiori's coffin.

The worst part about this story that didn't bode well for me was that a lot of the evidence, used in conjunction with the materials Vega handed over, was evidence that _I_ had gathered. It was everything from Dylan Humphrey's murder to Herman's confession and incriminating evidence. This meant I royally fucked.

Vega's stuff might have been enough to collect Fiori and play court for a good amount of time, but my evidence was the extra something that was guaranteeing him serious jail time if he walked into a courtroom. Not to mention I would be asked to be a key witness. I was ready to be subpoenaed at any minute.

I saw Emmett later on when I stopped by headquarters and he pulled me into his office. There were still whispers of the mole going around and Emmett wanted to let me know what he had been informed of.

"Edward, man, we've got a real problem. The mole—Fiori's mole—well, let's just say people are talking about it and they don't think it's a rookie anymore. Someone thinks it a superior…as high up as Charlie and as low as well…a team member on the Bomb Squad or…S.W.A.T. team."

I looked at him like he was crazy.

"On our team, Emmett? Do you really believe that?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know. Everyone is talking. It's awful. I feel suspicious of everyone now, even the Goddamn secretaries. Too much has happened for it to be a rookie. It has to be someone at our level or higher."

"What about the whole Forensic theory?"

"I don't know. Some people think it could be a fake. It's a copy-cat or someone just taking the fall to protect the real mole. You're working the case so whoever it is has to be afraid they'll get found out soon. I mean fucking Fiori got arrested last night and you were the brains behind that one. No one believes you can't figure out who the mole is."

I sighed and leaned back in his chair. Again, everything depended on me. People were talking and literally waiting on me to reveal who the mole was. I was trying my best, but I just hadn't been able to make a real breakthrough. I was hoping with Fiori's arrest that one good thing would come out of it. Hopefully, I'd end up with a better lead.

I think I bit my lip out of aggravation before I realized it was girly and I was picking up Bella's habits. Ugh. My heart clenched. Bella was gone for an uncertain amount of time.

"I got another letter this morning…with my newspaper," I confessed.

Emmett gasped.

"What did it say?"

I shrugged and tugged on the material of my khakis.

"I didn't open it. Be…B thought I was crazy for destroying it. I broke down and told her though."

"That's not a bad thing," Emmett amended.

I looked around his office before just biting the bullet and telling him.

"Bella left to Chicago," I mouthed.

Emmett jerked his head back and cocked it to the side.

"What?"

"I sent her away."

Emmett raised his eyebrows and mouthed "How long?" back to me. I shook my head and sighed. He frowned and said sorry. I couldn't say anything back. I was sorrier about this than he was. My girl was off to see my parents, alone, in a city she'd never been to. No one could feel shittier about this than me.

"I should go see the Captain and get back to Harper. I'll see you around. Make sure you keep a good eye on, Rose. It's dangerous out there," I warned.

Emmett nodded and waved me off.

Of course, on my way to Captain Oliveros' office I ran into the two people I was avoiding like the plague these days. Fucking Charlie and Hirsch were riding the elevator with me. I studiously ignored Charlie, knowing I'd shipped his daughter off after they finally made progress in their relationship last night, and simply pretended Hirsch didn't exist. He was an ass.

I wasn't very lucky though. Even though Charlie still hated me, Hirsch went out of his way to acknowledge me and say hello.

"Lieutenant, nice to see you around. I'd almost forgotten you worked here," he chuckled.

I glared at him while Charlie threw me looks. They were indescribable. They weren't glares but they weren't expressions that were exactly friendly either. There was enough hostility that reminded me he didn't like me.

"Yeah, well, if you want your department to keep performing so well and want the sensitive information that runs through here kept classified, I'll need to keep working with Detective Harper on finding your mole."

Hirsch gave me a sour look. I rolled my eyes. I would pin him as the mole but I knew he simply didn't have the balls to do something so arrogant and sneaky. You had to be relatively self-confident to believe you could feed information out of the department and not get caught. That or at least not care enough. That wasn't true of Hirsch either. He was a failure in every other aspect of his life. His job was the one thing he held onto tightly.

"And you're confident that you'll even solve this mystery, Lieutenant?" Charlie asked condescendingly.

Fucking asshole.

_Sorry, Bella._

"Yes," I replied simply.

"Let's not take forever on this, Detective. We'll never be able to keep Mr. Fiori in prison with your evidence if he finds out everything beforehand. You might be basking in your glory now but don't get comfortable. That can all change at any minute. Nothing is guaranteed with this case," Charlie added bitterly.

"Isn't convicting Fiori more of the District Attorney's responsibility than mine?"

Charlie gave me a sharp look and silently warned me to back down. If he wasn't an old man, Bella's dad, and my boss I would have punched him in his face. Hirsch was too easy. Charlie was an equal. When the elevator arrived at Captain Oliveros' floor, I exited without so much as a glance in Charlie's direction. I heard Hirsch mutter something about respect and I nearly flipped him off too. After finding out what a dick Charlie could be, I wasn't too surprised with why Hirsch was Assistant Chief.

Birds of a feather…

"Masen! In my office now!" the captain barked as soon as he saw me.

I rolled my eyes and followed him in.

"Harper tells me you were extremely late this morning. Did you knock your head or something? Danny Fiori is in _jail_, waiting to find out what'll become of him next. Your team raided his offices earlier this morning. You cannot choose right now of all times to lose your head."

I nodded and kept quiet. He was going on a tirade and the best thing for me would be to simply shut up and listen. I agreed with whatever he said and gave him the answers he wanted to hear. He didn't really care. It was just more fun if he gave me a hard time about things.

"I want a full report tomorrow on your progress on the case with the mole. No information can afford to be jeopardized right now. Who are you leads?" he snapped and rifled through papers on his desk.

I sighed.

"Well, we've gathered information and done background checks with the bureau on all of our suspects. At this point we've got one possible lead and even I think it's a joke."

The Captain gave me a perplexed look.

"Who is it?"

"Victoria Molina. She was the forensic agent that inspected the body of Dylan Humphrey after his murder. The thing is…her husband has some shady ties to Fiori's businesses. They can't be overlooked."

He nodded thoughtfully.

"Is that all?"

I shifted uncomfortably.

"We had a few others but they didn't quite pan out," I mumbled, not wanting to continue the conversation in this direction any longer.

"Who?" he asked offhandedly.

"Well, um," I stammered, "there was one lead that we were considering," I trailed off.

Captain Oliveros looked at me with an exasperated expression.

"Just spit it out, Lieutenant!"

"You."

I looked at him nervously. He looked at me with a stunned expression. It was not so much that he was insulted but that he was confused. Captain Oliveros couldn't see any reason why he'd be a suspect. Neither did I.

"Why?"

"I'm afraid I can't share that, sir."

He nodded.

"I expected as much," he sighed, "You can go now, Lieutenant."

I left without further delay. That was awkward as hell and I was not going to just sit there and pretend otherwise. He'd respect me more for acknowledging it was awkward, considering our relationship. He was my superior but he was also the one I was probably closest to apart from Harper.

I hated Harper and the FBI agents we were working with for pushing me to investigate the claims that seemed incriminating against the Captain but I didn't have a choice. It wasn't an unoriginal concept…the crooked police Captain. On my way out I ran into Trigger, Badger, and Valence. It was weird seeing them.

"Hey guys."

"Lieutenant, you look like hell," Trigger said in awe.

I shrugged.

"It was just one of those mornings. You three don't look so hot either. I heard you were raiding offices this morning."

Valence nodded and Badger stood off quietly. He was always a quiet guy.

"How are ops with Emmett going?" I asked conversationally.

Valence glanced at Trigger.

"They're okay. It's not the same though," he explained as Trigger nodded sheepishly.

I shook my head. I didn't think they were making digs at Emmett. We were completely different operators in the field. Of course our approach and execution would be different. I sighed and opened my mouth to respond when my phone started to vibrate in my pants. I held up a finger and looked at the caller I.D. It was Jasper.

"Hello?"

"Edward, it's me."

"Did everything go okay?" I asked, keeping it vague.

"Yeah, she's here and she's safe. No one shady seemed to be around. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

I ran a hand through my hair and sat down on the nearest bench. Valence, Trigger, and Badger stayed off but shot me curious looks. I was so very off my rocker these days and it was obvious. I'm sure some officers half-expected me to turn up dead some morning. If not by my own hand, it'd be at Fiori's.

I had to stop myself from believing the same thing at times. Bella was the only thing that'd been keeping me sane this last week. I was afraid with her absence I'd revert back to the state of mild insanity I'd been in before my life changed last Tuesday. I could remember myself using memories of her to escape.

"Can we talk?"

"Absolutely."

I heard the phone being shuffled and then suddenly that lovely voice was on the other end.

"Edward," she said in a small voice.

"Hi," I breathed.

I looked down at the floor to keep the tears at bay and not give away any sign that I was breaking down. All I needed was for Valence to blab to someone that I was losing my touch or breaking down in headquarters. It'd make its way to the mole soon enough and I needed to at least keep up the impression that I was still strong. I might have been a little crazy but I still strong.

"I miss you so much," her voice broke and I could tell she was trying not to cry.

"I know. Me too."

"Promise me, you'll call me later and you'll come to get me soon," Bella implored of me.

I sighed.

"I promise."

Bella sniffed and I could only imagine what Jasper was thinking right now. I wasn't sure if Alice was there but I hoped so. Bella was falling apart and I didn't want her alone with Jasper. Sometimes he didn't know when to be sensitive about things.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too."

I hung up before I could take no more. I rubbed my eyes, trying to concentrate and stood up from the bench. The guys were gone and I figured they'd left to give me some privacy. I glanced towards the elevator doors inadvertently and saw Charlie step off. I finally noticed he was wearing a shirt that Bella told she'd gotten him. It was a simple story she'd told me when we had lunch on Saturday.

I remembered how we had laughed when I immediately knew which shirt she was describing. He wore it all the time. It was a navy button down with white buttons but the buttons were in the shape of squares, which I had always found odd. I smiled in spite of myself.

Charlie caught my eye and he looked taken aback by my smile. He immediately cut off eye-contact and stalked past me with Teri and the rest of the PR team. She winked at me on her way out and punched my shoulder.

"_Bella, this is all temporary. I'm going to go to Chicago and bring you back home personally. I'll kiss you and hold you and make love to you for the rest of my life as soon as this is over. I just need you to be patient and keep faith in us."_

Stay strong, Edward.

* * *

That was so sad to write, but Bella's POV is next chapter and I'm anxious to write it. It'll be very entertaining. I'm sure you guys will enjoy her time in Chicago more than she will.

Another mention...if you're not reading _In Stereo_, check it out. It's fun and different. The next chapter of that story should be posted sometime this weekend.

*I should say that the Vampire Diaries reference isn't meant to offend fans...it's just me being fail at humor

Please leave a review. I'm done with my summer class officially (as of today), so it'll be my incentive to spend my free time writing until the fall semester starts. You can also visit the thread at Twilighted(dot)net. The thread for Secret is under the AU-Human board.

Thanks everyone!!


	30. Chapter 30

Okay, so before I begin, I should address my disclaimer from last chapter. As I told a couple of readers, I'm aware that The Vampire Diaries are not a new phenomenon. I was simply poking fun as the cheeseball version the CW is planning to do of the series. I'm not the only one who thinks the CW could do better. Many fans of the series agree. And my indication that people were ripping off Stephenie should have been more pointed towards Summit. The stars of the CW show have said in so many words they've been styled after the Twilight movie characters. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I just made a bad joke, I guess.

Anyway, the reviews jumped back up. Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the readers who came out and left their first review on either this story or FanFiction period. A special thanks to coxie for reviewing every chapter. She's a beast! lol

Chapter Song: I Get Lonely by Janet Jackson

_I don't own Twilight, but I do own a super-cool lava lamp as of yesterday ;)_

* * *

When Edward finally made it to Chicago…I was going to kill him for not warning me about how cold it was. It was nearly May for crying out loud!

I walked off the plane and followed the other passengers like a directionless sheep. I hadn't been given explicit instructions on what to do once I actually got to Chicago. I had simply been told that Alice or Jasper would be picking me up. I sighed and fidgeted with the thick strap of my backpack.

I knew why Edward did this. I knew it was for the best—which was why I agreed—but I wanted to kill him for putting me in this position. I was going to meet his family…without him. There was so much wrong with this situation that it was hard to find the place to start critiquing.

I continued to pull my—Edward's—suitcase into the airport. I finally emerged from the ramp and entered the gate in which our plane had arrived at. I looked at every person, terrified that I would miss Alice and Jasper and be lost in one of the largest and most crowded airports in the U.S. Every blonde man, whether he was young or old, caught my eye. I knew Alice had a very distinct look but for some reason I felt like I knew Jasper better. It was probably because he was Edward's step-brother.

I stopped in the seating area and took a good amount of time to look around. I bit my lip and panic started to fill me. I knew I could call Edward but I had been relying on him too much these days. Somewhere along the line, I'd lost the strength, independence, and attitude that defined me. I was more prone to crying. I was more prone to getting depressed and clingy.

It was something I thought about long and hard during my trip here. I needed to make some changes during this time away from Edward. It was all too much too soon. As much as I loathed the idea and reality of being away from him, it seemed completely necessary and timely.

My eyes continued to scan until I noticed a short woman standing next to a tall blonde man. Their backs were to me and they seemed to be craning their necks every once in a while. I was starting to feel a glimmer of hope that maybe I'd found them.

The woman was dressed in a modest dress but everything else about her outfit was completely unique and standout. She was wearing heels—tall heels—and they were covered in glitter. The concept sounded hideous but on her they were actually kind of adorable. It was like a little girl playing dress-up.

The man next to her was wearing clothes that looked expensive but were made to become utterly forgettable. His outfit seemed the total contrary to the woman standing next to him. In fact, everything about them contradicted the other person. He was tall, blonde, and lanky. The girl was short, dark-haired, and petite. I got as close as possible and opened my mouth to speak.

"I hope she recognizes us," the girl sighed.

"How could she recognize us? She's never met us," the man laughed with irony.

I cleared my throat and the two figures turned around. I recognized Jasper first. His expression was of interest and study at first but it slowly turned into a welcoming smile. He was wearing glasses which I thought was strange. Edward had never mentioned anything about Jasper wearing glasses. Alice had a blinding white smile. It was wide and completely perfect. The cutest thing about her seemed to be that her whole body was smiling. Everything about her was radiant with joy on her face.

"Um, hi, I'm Bella," I stuck my hand out to Alice.

Alice stepped forward and suddenly I was being rather forcefully hugged by a girl that was no taller than 4'10. My hand stayed awkwardly attached to my luggage while the other was flattened against my thigh. Jasper cracked an amused smile and quirked an eyebrow at his wife.

"I'm so sorry," Alice crooned as she pulled away, "I'm just so happy to finally meet you."

I smiled and blushed profusely. I couldn't imagine how someone so personable and lively could be excited to meet some as boring as me. I glanced at Jasper and he stuck his hand out in a more universally accepted version of a first meeting. I took it shyly and nodded when he introduced himself formally.

"I have to apologize for my wife. You'll find out quickly that Alice is very…exuberant," he smiled down at Alice.

I shifted in my place and stared at the two of them. I noticed Jasper look over my shoulder and his expression suddenly turned focused and intense. His eyes seemed to scan the area behind me. Once he decided he was happy with what he saw, he caught my eye and returned to his previous state of amiability. I smiled nervously but was honestly a little troubled by how quickly he shifted personas.

It reminded me of Edward a lot.

"Is this the only bag you have?" Alice asked.

"Oh, yes. Sorry."

"It's Edward's, isn't it?" she guessed with a giggle.

I nodded and took a glimpse at the suitcase in my hand.

"I could tell. I think he's been using the same suitcase since college. Not to mention it's hideous and masculine. We'll get you something nicer for when you leave back to Seattle," Alice winked.

A sudden gust of air blew from the area I'd come from. I shivered and looked over my shoulder. I assumed someone had entered from where the plane was sitting on the tarmac.

"Oh, I'm such a terrible host already," Alice cried, "You must be freezing!"

Alice made a move to hand over the tiny cardigan she was wearing and I immediately held up a hand to refuse. Her sweater was even thinner than the jean jacket I was wearing. I opened my mouth to add a protest but Jasper shrugged out of his coat and handed it to me. Once again my lips parted, but he waved a hand.

I accepted it reluctantly and forced a smile. The gesture was completely kind but unnecessary and I was hoping I wouldn't be subjected to too much of this behavior during my time here. If so, Edward should make haste on that case or there would be hell to pay. I was getting out of Seattle for security and his peace of mind but I was still an adult.

He couldn't force me to stay in Chicago with his family forever. I wore Jasper's jacket awkwardly. He placed a hand on my back and pressed lightly to guide me forward. I fell into step with the sound of Alice's clacking heels. Jasper walked slightly behind us, no doubt watching out for shady characters and any signs that I was being followed or watched.

"So, how was your flight?" Alice asked conversationally.

I looked at her for a moment, taking in everything about her. She had an extravagant headband on. Her make-up wasn't gaudy but it was definitely not the sort of color and volume I was used to seeing on a woman in an average workplace.

"It was pleasant," I replied as I pushed a chunk of hair behind my ears.

I was in the process of instinctively bringing my hand back down when Alice caught my wrist and looked at me with wide eyes. I looked at my wrist and noticed she was staring at my bracelet in shock.

"He gave it to you," she said in an awed tone.

I nodded.

"He told me he got it in your boutique."

Alice's expression slowly lifted into a smile.

"I designed it. It fits you perfectly."

I looked down, slightly embarrassed. Edward told me he bought it off of Alice, not that she'd designed the bracelet in the first place. The fact she thought it looked good on me and appreciated it being there was a bit unnerving. I felt like I had an expectation to live up to now. Jasper cleared his throat behind us and we started moving along. From my peripheral vision I saw Alice shoot Jasper a look over her shoulder.

He chuckled behind me and said nothing. Getting out of the airport was simpler than I expected. I knew I had Alice and Jasper to thank for that. I would have been lost a long time ago if it were up to me to find my way out. We reached Jasper's BMW and he grabbed my suitcase from me to put it in the trunk. As we pulled out of the parking lot, Jasper dialed a number and held up his cell phone to his ear.

"Edward, it's me."

I looked up at Jasper as he looked at me through the rearview mirror. His gaze shifted back to the road and I waited anxiously. He was so close but so far away. Edward was right there on the phone but he was hundreds of miles away in Seattle.

"Yeah, she's here and she's safe. No one shady seemed to be around. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

I fisted my hands and tried to still the nervous twitch that seemed to overcome me. My hands were itching to be closer to the one way I could be connected to Edward right now.

"Absolutely," Jasper replied simply to whatever Edward had asked.

He suddenly reached behind himself and offered me the phone. I was ready to cry I was so happy. All I wanted was Edward. I didn't want to be away from him. I just wanted his voice, his love, his reassurance, his warmth, and his protection.

"Edward," I said—not really believing I was talking to him.

My eyes began to fill with water and my throat locked with tension and emotion. I couldn't cry. I needed to be strong for Edward. He was carrying all the weight in this relationship it seemed. I couldn't allow him to feel the pressure of my emotions on top of it. I was Bella Swan. I could do this and not fall apart.

"I miss you so much," I admitted.

I couldn't keep that from him. I wanted him to at least know that I still loved him and missed him terribly. I was going to try and be stronger him, but nothing could change the way I desperately loved him. Maybe that could help him make it through. I knew no matter what he was scared deep down inside.

"I know. Me too."

I frowned and twisted the strap of my backpack in frustration. It was simple and not what I wanted to hear but I knew better. He had to be at work. I knew in private he'd tell me more but I needed those words from him like I needed air. I nodded, reminding myself that this was all I could accept for now.

"Promise me, you'll call me later and you'll come to get me soon," I begged.

I needed this to be over and quick. I wanted him even more painfully than I had before. Hearing his voice did terrible things to my resolve and strength. Edward sighed on the other side.

"I promise."

I closed my eyes and placed a hand on my forehead, hoping to shield my weakness and fragility from Jasper and Alice. I knew they were conscientiously ignoring but it was hard not to hear the terribly pathetic and sad conversation going on in their backseat. I'd been in Chicago for less than a half hour and I was already falling apart.

"I love you," he whispered to me.

My heart tightened in my chest.

"I love you too."

Edward hung up quickly and a whimper escaped. I blindly handed the phone back and realized Alice's hand was the one I brushed against. I folded my arms and placed my head between my knees to block out the pain of being without him. This was my biggest fear realized.

Eventually I drifted off, because Alice was rubbing my arm softly to wake me up. I opened my eyes and her small but reassuring smile was the first thing I saw. There was so much kindness and understanding in her eyes. There was no pity, simply compassion. I leaned forward and hugged her before I could realize what I was doing. Alice accepted it without question or hesitation.

She helped me out of the car and Jasper grabbed my bags for me. I looked at the huge white house in front of me and recoiled a bit. It was large and intimidating. Edward had told me that Carlisle was well-off but this was an understatement. Alice giggled quietly beside me.

"Bella, there's no need to be scared. I promise it's not as bad as it looks," she said comfortingly.

I glanced at the porch and Jasper was already slipping his key into the door. I looked around and noticed there were a lot of trees. They didn't seem to have any neighbors.

"Alice, do they have neighbors?" I asked.

Alice laughed and continued walking me to the front door.

"Not for a while, Bella."

I smiled a nervous smile. There was a three car garage and the house itself had a large wrap-around porch. Alice walked me through the front door and I looked around. It was spacious but the interior didn't seem to live up to the exterior. Of course it was huge and well-decorated but it seemed like every other house I'd been to. There were no million dollar paintings or displays of crystals and antique heirlooms.

It was simple, warm, and inviting. I remembered Edward telling me his mother decorated the house singlehandedly and it didn't surprise me. From everything he told me about her, the house matched her personality. Jasper materialized once again as he came down the wide staircase.

"Are you still tired, Bella? Alice can get you settled upstairs. Would you like to sleep in Edward's room or a guest room?"

I looked at Alice and she stared back expectantly, waiting for my answer.

"I-I'm not tired right now. Maybe later?"

She automatically nodded and grinned.

"Okay, well for right now your bags are in the second floor guest room. I'll move them to Edward's room later if you'd like," Jasper offered.

"Thank you," I replied.

"Can we get you something to eat or drink? From what I understand, you didn't have breakfast and I'm sure plane-food isn't all that great," he laughed.

"Yes. Thank you."

Alice placed a hand on my shoulder and led me into the kitchen. She took Jasper's coat from me and hung it on the coat rack we passed on the way there. Esme's kitchen was beyond words. First of all, she had a revolving door (it was incredible and reminded me of a real restaurant kitchen). She also had a large island and professional appliances. Everything was over-sized and stainless steel. My jaw dropped and Alice winked at me.

"I'm a terrible cook. I try and help but Esme usually relegates me to salads and cold dishes," Alice confessed, "Jasper is pretty good though. I think he took notes from her."

Jasper emerged from the hall and was now only in his shirt and sweater vest. I glanced down at the place he entered from and noticed he was wearing sneakers. He caught my eye and laughed to himself.

"It's a perk that only comes with having your own practice."

I nodded.

"Edward told me you were a psychologist."

"Yes. I have my own practice in the city. Anyway, I'm sure you're probably starving. I can make you something or you can have Alice's famous grilled-cheese," he chuckled and looked in her direction.

She stuck her tongue out at him and folded her arms. The bracelet she was wearing tinkled with the movement.

"I'd love a grilled-cheese sandwich, Alice. If that's okay…"

She narrowed her eyes in Jasper's direction before turning to me and nodding with yet another smile. Jasper went to the refrigerator and got the ingredients while I took a seat on the stool at the island. I watched the way Jasper and Alice moved together and found myself getting melancholy.

I already missed being that way with Edward in the mornings as he got ready for work. At one point Jasper's hand brushed Alice's waist and she shared a look with him. It was private and I felt bad for watching. I looked down at the granite on the island and traced my fingers along the smooth surface.

"Order's up, Bella!" Alice announced.

I looked up and she placed the pathetic looking sandwich in front of me. I smiled at her and noticed Jasper was trying not to laugh. I took a bite and didn't mind it at all that it was slightly burned. It tasted better that way and the sandwich had been made with so much affection I couldn't even think about that. The way Alice regarded me after knowing me for barely an hour was overwhelming but pleasant. It was sweet and anything but typical.

"It's fantastic, Alice," I commented.

She grinned and turned her head in Jasper's direction smugly. Jasper walked towards the refrigerator and asked me if I wanted anything to drink. I accepted a glass of orange juice and smiled at him. The two of them stood on the other side of the island watching me. When I was done, we all stayed there awkwardly. Alice made a move to place my dishes in the dishwasher while Jasper stayed put and watched me.

"You're not anything like what I expected you to be," he admitted, "Edward, made you out to be this sarcastic shrew when he first mentioned you. I've gotta be honest. I can't see you like that at all."

I titled my head back and laughed. It was the first real laugh I'd had in a day or so.

"Let me warm up," I teased.

Jasper smiled at me and Alice came back to stand next to him. He moved his arm and allowed her to curl into his side. Jasper squeezed her arm and rubbed her fingers.

"You two are exactly what I expected."

Alice's eyebrows shot up.

"Oooh really? Is that a good thing?" she asked excitedly.

I nodded.

"Although, Edward didn't tell me you wore glasses, Jasper."

Jasper reached up to the frames on his nose and laughed silently.

"These were for work. I've been suffering from some migraines lately and my father mentioned that wearing glasses while I read and researched might help to relieve the stress on my eyes. It's helped."

"Oh," I said lamely.

"He's lying. I told him I like men who wear glasses so he bought a pair," Alice added quickly.

I chuckled and Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Right, babe?"

I smirked, noticing Edward had been spot-on when telling me Alice used the endearment "babe."

Jasper never responded because the three of us heard the front door open.

"Hello? Anyone home?" a female voice called out.

I looked at Alice and she mouthed 'Esme.' My eyes practically bugged out of my head. I was meeting Edward's mother. Right now. I hadn't even had the chance to try and make myself look nicer or mentally prepare for it. I panicked. Edward and his mother were close. She was the only blood relative he had anymore. His biological father was a nearly forgotten memory a lot of times it seemed.

Meeting his step-brother and sister-in-law were one thing. Even meeting his step-father wouldn't be as nerve-wracking as this. Edward's mother was the one person who meant everything to him. He'd give up his life for her without the bat of an eyelash or blink of an eye.

I turned around and stood up, trying to smooth my shirt. I felt Jasper place a hand on my shoulder and I looked at him nervously. He smiled and winked. It was somewhat reassuring. She was partly his mother too.

"In the kitchen, Mom," Alice called out behind me.

I heard soft treading until suddenly the door swung open. The woman who appeared was so beautiful it was absurd. It didn't surprise me one bit that she was Edward's mother. He didn't look like her but it didn't matter. They resembled each other enough that if I had never met her and had simply seen her on the street I would know it was her.

Her hair was pinned into in an elegant up-do. She was wearing minimal dark eye shadow that made her honey-brown eyes stand out and a soft pink lipstick. Her outfit was classy and mature—wide leg pants, flats, and a dark blue top that matched her shoes. An expensive purse was dangling off her arm and it drew attention to the tennis bracelet she was wearing.

I looked back at her face and she was smiling. I took it as a good sign. She didn't hate me off the bat.

"Bella Swan," she said and stuck her hand out, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

I smiled nervously and felt the hand Jasper had on my shoulder apply pressure. He was urging me forward, to shake her hand. I took her cool hand gently. She wasn't a potential employer. I didn't need to put force in this simple but meaningful handshake. I blushed at her appraisal. Esme never stopped smiling.

"My son is lucky to have such a beautiful girlfriend."

My face must have been beet red now. My palm felt clammy so I pulled it back, hoping she didn't notice. I didn't want to gross her out.

"It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Cullen."

She laughed a tinkling laugh.

"Esme, sweetheart," she instructed.

"Esme," I nodded.

Esme looked over my shoulder and caught Jasper's eye.

"Your father isn't coming home until dinner tonight. Did you have something you wanted to tell him? He called me on my way here."

"No. Did he say so?"

"No, but he just gave the impression you had something you had to tell him," Esme said offhandedly and moved around the island to greet Alice.

She kissed her hair and hugged the small woman to her body. Jasper shrugged beside me and sat in the chair next to the one I had occupied before.

"Why does it smell like smoke in here?" Esme scrunched her perfect face.

Jasper laughed.

"Alice made Bella grilled-cheese."

Esme contained her look of horror for her daughter-in-law's sake.

"It was good," I offered in defense of Alice.

Esme laughed to herself and rifled through the refrigerator for whatever she was planning to make for dinner. She placed vegetables and meat on the counter.

"Jasper, be a dear, and go grab the groceries from the trunk. There are only some ingredients for dessert," Esme directed as she arranged the objects on the counter.

Jasper disappeared and Alice moved to help Esme.

"I have to say, Alice. I am _loving_ this look on you. When we bought those shoes in New York, I hadn't the slightest clue how you'd make them work. They look fabulous on you."

Alice hugged Esme and I watched awkwardly.

"Bella, sweetheart, do you have any allergies?" Esme asked from over her shoulder.

"Um, no."

"Okay, good. I just want to make sure before I start preparing dinner. Would you like to help Alice chop up the vegetable for the stew? Edward tells me you're quite the cook."

Alice turned around and gaped at me indignantly. I smiled and looked at her shyly.

"Bella, you were holding out on me!" Alice cried, "And now you'll make me look bad. I'm the daughter-in-law that can't cook."

I blushed.

There was a subtle reference to the fact that I'd have a place in this family. It made me feel empowered and accepted. I'd never had a real family like this before. I wanted Edward more than anything and having this family made me want him more. I wanted a place with him here forever. Not that I doubted I'd stay with him as long as time went on, but it felt nice to have this tangibly. It was here in front of me.

His family represented our future to a certain extent. They were the people I'd spend holidays and birthdays with. One day I hoped they'd come to love Charlie too. Our meeting last night had gone better than I expected. We reconciled quickly.

I fell into place next to Alice and helped her cut up the carrots and potatoes. Esme cut the kernels of corn from the cob and collected them into a bowl. Jasper entered the kitchen and placed the groceries on the island.

"This is the picture of masculine ideology. Three beautiful ladies cooking dinner," Jasper joked.

Alice scowled at him and Esme shoved him out of the kitchen.

"Go watch a random sporting event. Then you'll be the picture of feminine ideology—anywhere but in our hair," Esme retorted.

Alice giggled and high-fived Esme. I smiled and Esme squeezed my shoulder.

"Next time I'll let Bella come up with the witty response. From what I hear, you've got quite the charm and sarcasm," she winked at me.

I looked down the counter at Esme. Alice was standing between us and grinning.

"Edward seems to tell you guys everything," I laughed.

"Only when it comes to you," Alice clarified, "Ask him about anything else and he clams up, but mention the name Bella and he'll spill like a junior-high-school girl. It's really cute actually. He's normally not so enthusiastic with girlfriends. Then again…he's never in _love_."

Alice gave me a knowing expression and deposited her carrots into a bowl. I blushed and concentrated on skinning the potatoes.

"It doesn't make any sense though. It's only been a week," I said disbelievingly.

"Bella, you have so much to learn," Esme giggled, "Edward has been telling us about you since Thanksgiving. Surely he mentioned that."

I shrugged.

"We discussed it this weekend when we came clean about everything but I never imagined it was to that extent."

"Well," Esme began, "I'm sure I have a lot to do with it. I badgered him nearly every day after he went back to Seattle. He told me on the way to the airport—after the wedding—that he loved you. I also knew you two weren't speaking so I pressed him to talk to you and admit how he felt."

I sucked in a breath.

"I kind of wish he'd taken your advice," I confessed, "Maybe it wouldn't have gotten to the point it did. I was sure by then that I loved him. Maybe we wouldn't be facing the extraneous problems we're facing now if we'd acted earlier too."

"There are so many hypothetical's, dear, but I believe in things happening for a reason. There's a reason why all these things happened at this time. You were meant to be in Chicago right now and Edward was meant to be alone in Seattle for the time being. Besides, I have every faith that this is temporary and that all will be settled quickly."

I glanced at Esme. She winked reassuringly.

An hour and forty minutes later, I was helping Esme finish off the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies she had baked.

"Bella, be a dear, and fetch Alice and Jasper."

I nodded and disappeared from the kitchen. Alice had long disappeared, deciding her time was better spent staying out of Esme's way and hanging out with her husband. I heard the TV in the living room on so I walked in that direction. I stopped dead and my tracks and tried to go back in the direction I'd come from quickly.

Alice was perched on Jasper's lap. One of his hands was on the small of her back while the other was firmly pressing against her neck, drawing her mouth closer to his. I could see her tiny pale hands through Jasper's blonde hair. They were making out and I had walked in on them. I came back in the kitchen and Esme was drinking a glass of water. Her face turned to confusion once she saw mine.

"They're a little, um, preoccupied. Would you mind getting them?"

Esme placed her glass down and smiled at me as she disappeared from the kitchen. I couldn't hear what was going on but as I walked into the dining room they were both flushed. They looked up at me and gave me apologetic looks. I shook my head and studied the table, wondering where I should sit.

I took the seat across from where Alice and Jasper were sitting together. I assumed Esme and Carlisle sat at the heads of the table. The stew had been set on the table along with the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and a pitcher of water and a bottle of wine.

I glanced at the seat to my right. It was empty and it suddenly hit me all over again how much that emptiness affected me. It was very much the way I was feeling. Being without Edward made me feel empty. I knew I was missing a now integral part of who I was.

The front door opened and a gust of cool air filled the house. I readied myself, preparing to meet Edward's step-father. He passed by me and I looked at him as he stood off to the side, waiting to meet me formally.

"Um, hello, Dr. Cullen," I said as I stuck my hand out for the millionth time today.

The man smiled at me. His hair wasn't as blonde as I expected and he was older than I thought he'd be. I didn't know why I had pictured this man to be so much younger. My father was old and from what I remembered Jasper and I were nearly the same age. Not to mention Edward had told me Carlisle was some years older than Esme. His blue shirt brought out his piercing blue eyes. They shone even through his wrinkles and weathered smile.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Carlisle," he smiled as he accepted my hand.

He was wearing glasses as well. It was one thing I had expected. I recalled what Edward had said before I left. Carlisle read the paper every morning from front to back while his glasses slowly slid down his nose.

He was a regal man. Carlisle exuded a presence I'd never seen before. His clothes and demeanor lived up to everything Edward had told me and it explained why Jasper was the way he was. Jasper behaved and carried himself in a more mature manner than most his age. He was carbon-copy of his father.

I wondered if Edward's biological father was anything like Edward. I knew I was much more like my father than my mother.

"Sweetheart, you're right on time," Esme kissed him briefly as she walked into the dining room.

Carlisle released my hand and moved to greet his son and daughter-in-law before taking a seat at the table.

"Your mother and I are going to have to start charging for dinner. You have a lovely kitchen at your place and yet you're always here for dinner," Carlisle winked.

Alice gasped.

"Carlisle, you wouldn't!"

Esme giggled and finally took her place at the table. I glanced at her and then looked away. I felt a presence next to me and I finally noticed she was moving to sit in the empty seat next to me.

"Oh, – Esme you don't have to," I protested.

"Yes, I very much do. Edward would never allow me to have such poor manners."

I smiled a watery smile at her. It was an unexpected and kind gesture. I almost wanted to hug her. Her compassion and loving nature reminded me of Edward. It was something he never realized about himself. He was considerate and thoughtful without realizing it.

"Thank you," I whispered to her.

Carlisle lifted the mood quickly.

"She's lying, Bella. She simply can't stand to have to look at me during dinner yet another night. She is using you as an excuse," he chuckled.

Esme and Jasper laughed. Alice simply raised an eyebrow at me. It was a challenge.

_Stop being a wimp, Bella. Joke. Have a laugh._

"I'm sure that's not true, Dr. Cullen. Jasper got his good looks from somewhere," I taunted Alice.

She surprised me by laughing the loudest and giving me a thumbs-up from the other side of the table. I smiled and served myself. The rest of dinner flowed well and casually after that. There were jokes, questions, discussions, etc. I found myself falling in love with these people as easily as I did with Edward. After my third oatmeal chocolate chip cookie, we decided to watch a movie before bed.

I surprised myself when I retired to Edward's room. I hadn't checked my cell. I allowed myself to get caught up in the Cullen's. Most importantly, I didn't wallow and guilt-trip myself. It was one step in the right direction. If I could continue to regain my independence and find this semblance of the person I used to be then things could get even better with Edward.

I looked through Edward's room. I was simply too curious to resist. I almost threw his cigarettes away but then I remembered they might be Carlisle's after what Edward had mentioned in passing this week. I didn't want the doctor to smoke either, but I wasn't his girlfriend. I wasn't going to make choices for him. I _did_ hide them in a random spot though, hoping to at least lead the doctor in the right direction.

Edward's closet was empty apart from a few random shirts and two pairs of jeans. They seemed to be clothes he had left here. My favorite thing in his closet though was the worn leather jacket in the back. It was sexy and it reminded me of Edward.

After looking at it and seeing pictures of him as an adolescent all throughout the Cullen's house, I had an idea of how he managed to be such a ladies' man. I totally would have had a crush on him in high school too. I was settling myself into his bed when my phone started to vibrate in my pocket.

"Hello?"

"God, I needed to hear your voice. It's been too many hours," he groaned.

I smiled and a flush of heat ran down my body at his words. His voice was filled with need and desire.

"I miss you too. I'm in your bed right now," I teased.

Edward chuckled smoothly.

"I knew it was a good time to call. They're all so predictable."

"Don't make fun of your family. I think I kind of love them," I confessed.

"Really?" Edward questioned, "More than me?"

I laughed.

"Well, possibly your mother after tonight."

"She's got you wrapped around her finger already, doesn't she?"

"She sat with me tonight, during dinner, so I wouldn't feel so lonely."

Edward was quiet on the other side. He seemed pensive.

"Is that how you feel? Lonely?"

I paused and considered the question.

"I felt terrible at first but your family has lessened the blow. I don't feel as lonely as I did when I got here, but I do feel pretty empty without you. As much as I can shut off my mind from all that's happening in Seattle, I can't forget that you're not here. I mean sometimes I want to reach for your hand, or turn around and see you smiling at me, and I just can't for obvious reasons. It's still hard but I want you to be reassured that you're family is making me smile. I promise I won't have any more breakdowns like I did on the phone today."

Edward sighed.

"Bella, I'm not upset with you for that. If you feel like you need to cry then cry. Sometimes you get too blasé about things. Remember our fight on Sunday? It's good to be emotional sometimes."

I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

"How are you holding up? I feel like I'm getting too lucky on this end."

Edward laughed.

"I know. I wish I could be there and I wish I could say I'm not miserable. It's hard not having you here. I have no one but Emmett and Rosalie right now and I'm trying to distance myself from them. I don't want to bring on any unnecessary trouble for them. I feel as lonely as you feel empty. But I'm working very hard right now to crack this case. As soon as I can figure out who the mole is then I can get to Chicago and bring you back home. Fiori doesn't pose as much danger without his mole."

"But what about Marceau, Edward?"

He took a deep breath and stood quiet for a moment.

"Right now, we've got no definitive leads suggesting that he's connected with Fiori. Hopefully, if we catch this mole we can get some info on his relationship with Marceau. That's what I'm hoping for. It's all I can hope to learn on Marceau at this point. He's stealth and nearly invisible. He's dangerous in a way that Fiori isn't. Danny Fiori will go around Seattle and stay in plain sight. Laurent is troubling in the opposite way."

"I changed my mind. I think I mostly feel afraid for you," I admitted.

"Baby, please don't worry about me. I can handle myself. I don't want you stressed out over this. We can't change our circumstances right now. Just try and have the best time you can have with my family."

I was unsatisfied, so I decided that tomorrow I would spend as much of the day as possible trying to help Edward figure out whom the mole was. I needed to call my source of all things classified and Fiori related.

"Promise me that you'll stay out of trouble, love."

"I promise," I responded.

"Good. Now let's stop talking about work. I called because I needed to take a break for a bit and fulfill a promise to my girl. Tell about everything that happened today."

I proceeded to tell him everything from meeting his step-brother and sister-in-law at the airport to how Carlisle fell asleep ten minutes into the movie. His reaction to my story of catching Alice and Jasper making out wasn't what I had expected.

"Next time they visit, we'll be just finishing up on the kitchen counter," Edward replied with rather juvenile annoyance.

I laughed.

"Edward, I'm not upset with them. Was I a little jealous and disheartened by seeing them together? Yes, because I miss you terribly, but I'm not going to start a P.D.A. war."

"Pshh, that's exactly what we're going to do."

"I'm not going to stick it to them! They didn't do it on purpose."

"Then what _will_ you be sticking to, Bella?"

Edward's voice lowered and I rolled my eyes even though I was grinning like an idiot. It was infuriating sometimes the power he had over my body. One smoldering look or meaningful touch and I was putty. His laughter taunted me. I hadn't responded yet. I was still breathless and blushing.

"I have an idea but I'd rather hear you say it," he taunted.

I sucked in a breath and squirmed. God, this was ridiculous. He wasn't even here!

"Edward, I'm in your parent's house!" I chastised.

"Baby, I've done worse things in my parent's house," he laughed.

I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes.

"You've officially killed the mood, Edward. Now I've got awful visions of you and the skanks you dated in high school," I growled.

"They weren't all trashy," he tried.

I didn't respond.

"Alright, I'm sorry. Maybe we can try again tomorrow night?"

The hopefulness in his voice broke my resolve. I cracked a smile, imagining him and his crooked smile.

"Let's see you try," I mocked him.

"Let me know what you see when I succeed."

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Mmm, goodnight, love."

The next morning I woke up a little earlier than I would have liked. I was exhausted still but I didn't want the Cullen's to think I was a bum. When I went downstairs, Esme was balancing her checkbook at the breakfast table while Dr. Cullen was hidden behind the Chicago-Sun Times. I smiled and took a seat in my chair. Esme looked up and seemed to remember I was there.

"Oh, Bella! Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep okay? Edward's bed wasn't too stiff or uncomfortable?"

I couldn't contain my grin. I loved this woman already.

"It was perfect. Thanks for asking."

I shifted my eyesight and noticed Dr. Cullen was smiling at me and peering through the glasses that were about halfway down his nose.

"What would you like for breakfast, sweetheart? Carlisle and I just had some coffee and pastries. Jasper dropped some off before work this morning."

"Coffee and pastries are fine."

Esme winked and disappeared into the kitchen.

"How do you take your coffee, Bella?" she called out.

Not wanting to disturb Dr. Cullen's reading, I stood up to tell Esme my specification personally.

"I'll take it black with two sugars."

Esme served me a plate with food and handed me my coffee.

"Did Edward call last night?" she asked eagerly.

I choked on my coffee. The more reasonable side of me knew there was no possible way she could know what Edward and I had discussed on the phone last night. But my guilt for even thinking those thoughts in her house, had my throat malfunctioning.

"Are you okay?" Esme questioned anxiously.

I nodded and waved her off.

"He called. He's fine," I sputtered out statements.

I was going to kill him. He probably knew this would happen to me.

"That's good to hear. Is he still heartbroken over sending you away?"

I shrugged and didn't give an answer. I knew he was upset with me being away but that was his own conversation to have with her. I didn't want to answer those sorts of questions for him. Esme patted my shoulder and lead me back into the dining room. It was just in time to see Dr. Cullen fold up his newspaper and push his glasses back up his nose. I giggled quietly and Esme looked at me before mouthing 'nerd.'

About two hours later, Dr. Cullen was holed up in his study and Esme and I were looking at old photo albums of Edward. It was the best moment I'd had in Chicago yet. My face hurt from smiling afterward and my eyes got misty here and there. It was disarming to see Edward change into the individual I knew today.

I loved him more than anything but Edward was not without his flaws. I could see the light in his eyes turn into a dim glow during his early teen years. It was what troubled me the most in seeing him grow up. I could recognize that wall I'd had to fight for so many months already constructed in a fourteen-year-old Edward.

"Knock, knock!" Alice sang as she entered the house.

Esme closed the photo album we were looking at and stood up to press a kiss to her daughter-in-law's forehead. Alice hugged me without hesitation. I smiled and responded a little more today. She seemed to be unbothered by the fact we barely knew each other. I appreciated it about her.

"_So_, I'm going to meet up with my jewelry maker today. Anyone want to join?"

I glanced at Esme.

"Sorry, sweetheart, Carlisle is home today and I've got to stop by the Chamber of Commerce later on. We have that function at the end of the month," Esme said with disinterest and the wave of a hand.

"Ohhh," Alice said sadly, "Bella?"

I smiled.

"Sure," I shrugged.

I had plans for how I wanted to use today but I figured I could call my source during the few moments I found myself alone. When we got to the jewelry maker's studio, Alice immediately started to gab with the man responsible for assembling the jewelry she designed. I walked away quietly and found an empty hall in the studio to use my phone.

"Hello?"

"It's Bella."

"Bella! I haven't heard from you in weeks! What's happening? Is everything alright?"

I sighed.

"No, everything is _not_ alright….I need you to tell me everything you can about the mole."

* * *

There's a link on my profile to the Polyvore set for this chapter. If you like looking at clothes to get visuals and stuff, that's there for you.

Rec'd Fics: _Well, This Sucks: Life According to Seth_ by Krum Cake; _Living Backwards_ by ciaobella27; _Addicted_ by 4theluvofmary (this is a one-shot for the Tattward & Inkella contest which has voting going on until 8/14); _Over the Limit_ by socact; and _The Fan_ by Pears13.

Review please! Stop by the Secret thread on Twilighted. I post teasers and talk nonsense there (there's now a link on my profile)


	31. Chapter 31

This chapter took a little longer than I anticipated. I had to scrap a large part of it and after that happened I sort of lost my mojo. Thankfully, ADanielle21 came through with an encouraging review that just helped me turn around the writing funk I was going through. It also irritated me like hell that after bringing the review count back up, FFN decided to flake out. Thank you to the dilligent readers that came back to review after the fail stopped (kisses to you all)

Oh yeah, I start classes again on Wednesday. Hopefully it won't interfere too much though, because I did a detailed outline of everything that happens after this chapter. That means no going off on tangents and having a focus for each chapter, which also equals more productivity!!

Chapter Song: You Make it Real by James Morrison (I was so excited when this song got played on a TV commercial the other day)

_I don't own Twilight, but I do own a pair of concert tickets now ;)_

* * *

The two weeks after Bella left to Chicago were a whirlwind at best and complete chaos at worst. I went home exhausted each night. Yet, tired as I was, I was happy to have the work. It helped to keep my mind off the fact Bella wasn't around.

There were those times when it was really obvious, like when I was starving and craved Bella's grilled chicken pasta salad, and other times when it wasn't as obvious but I'd catch myself thinking about her. Running into Charlie always did it for me.

Bella hadn't told me much about their conversation before she left but it seemed to have been positive from her tone. Sometimes I stared at him, wondering what he was thought of Bella's absence. Bella told me he didn't talk to Renee—ever—so I knew he couldn't suspect anything of her.

"All passengers on flight 508 to Chicago, O'Hare, your plane has landed," the woman called over the loud system.

I glanced at the people sitting at my gate. There were several businessmen hurriedly typing away on laptops and cell phones. There was a single mother with her rambunctious child. There was a grandmother with her son and his son. There was a young girl with her boyfriend. And there was an adolescent male by himself. I wondered why they travelled to Chicago.

It was hard to tell who called it home and who was simply visiting. The adolescent boy stood up to brush off crumbs from his jacket. It fell open and revealed a grungy Cubs t-shirt. I smiled to myself. I remembered those days. One of the businessmen shouted at his computer and I looked in his direction. He was nerdy looking and gangly. He was nothing like the businessman I'd been fighting against for the last two weeks.

_**2 Weeks Earlier**_

The pressure had mounted on my end. I needed to bring Bella back home soon—if not for my own personal benefit, then for the benefit of my job. Fiori still walked around, free as a bird, thanks to the mole, and it irritated me like hell. The District Attorney tried to get him under lock up by using the flight-risk tactic but the judge wasn't buying it. Harper, the FBI, and I worked furiously to find the identity of the mole.

Fiori's lawyers were riding free with all the information that was getting pumped to them. All their job required was coming up with a fair defense to whatever evidence was sure to be presented in court. Much of the evidence had already been analyzed by Fiori's team months earlier from what we could suspect. Each day in court must have been a bore to them.

We had few leads but the only lead that seemed to return any profit was Victoria Molina. It bothered me like hell to follow-up on her lead. Something, probably my overbearing instinct, told it was just too good to be true. When you looked at a piece of paper all the signs were pointing towards her but I just couldn't buy it yet.

Harper asked me to explain my doubts, and when I couldn't put into words what it was that bothered me, he gave me an exasperated look and walked away. Despite my doubts, I still had a job, so I continued to dig. Some of things I found bothered me.

Her husband was unfaithful with several different women. He owned a construction business that was slowly but surely tanking and he was behind on taxes. And Fiori had given him a loan he was paying back at a snail's pace. How or why Fiori ended up being his loan agent was still a mystery. We were still waiting on some FBI investigation on that end.

It was believed that he and Fiori had made an under-the-table deal involving the construction of Fiori's latest venture—a hotel/casino. The evidence painted a convenient story: a powerless woman, suffering through an abusive marriage, is forced to feed the information she encounters at her job to help her seedy husband.

"Edward, come in here," Harper called from his office.

I glanced at the two agents we had been working with for the last month. I gave Stefan and Garrett a look. They snickered and I rose tiredly from the desk I was sitting at with them. The lights in the office were basically off and I accidentally walked into a trashcan. Garrett chuckled from behind me as I sighed and moved the trashcan.

I walked into Harper's office and winced at the light. The guys and I had been surviving by the light of a small desk lamp.

"Yes, sir?"

"What's the status on that informant you were working with? Oliveros filled me in."

I froze for half a second, my brain not processing his request due to the shock.

"She's not working as an informant anymore."

He waved his hand and placed the folder he was looking through back into his filing cabinet.

"Yes, I'm aware. I don't care. You've still got her information, right? Contact her. I want to know if she's got any insider knowledge on the mole. Charlie is a dear friend and all but he was an idiot terminating her."

I smirked quickly but hid it.

"My thought's exactly, but there's nothing I can do. She's not very accessible," I lied.

"You're sitting out there with two, trained, federal agents. Give them what you know about her and have them do a follow-up. She's out there somewhere. We need to find her."

Shit. This was turning bad very quick.

"Sir, with all due respect, it's not really her that has the information. She uses a source that's never been identified. I spoke with the informant one last time after she was terminated and she's no longer speaking to the source. Besides we don't really want more trouble for ourselves if we start harassing her for information," I worked to persuade him.

Christ. The lies were coming easier than they should have.

Harper sighed and shifted papers.

"I guess you're right. I'm just frustrated. Thanks Edward."

"You're welcome, sir," I responded and went back into the hall.

Stefan was standing up, shrugging his suit jacket back on and Garrett was in the corner, on the phone with his fiancée.

"Where are you two going?"

"Edward, it's nearly 12:30 in the morning. We're going to give it up for a couple of hours. This is the third late night in a week. Go _home_. Go to _sleep_," Stefan said seriously.

I nodded and surprised myself by yawning. Stefan pointed a finger at me before strolling over to Garrett and walking out with him. I sat at the desk and scanned the numerous papers on the table.

Everything from Victoria's college transcripts to a supposed sketch of Fiori's new casino littered the desk.

I rubbed my forehead and tried to focus on the papers in front of me. I heard a door slam shut and I looked up. Harper was locking his office door and putting his jacket on. He walked up to me and shook his head.

"Working until ungodly hours isn't going to solve the case. A fresh set of eyes and a clear head will," Harper smirked, "Go home, Edward. Stefan's right. You need some sleep."

I nodded him off and started to close up the files. I cleaned up the desk quickly and locked the papers away in their filing cabinets. Harper walked me out to my car and I noticed I had a sticky note on my windshield. I looked at Harper to see if he noticed.

His eyes were fixated with a seriousness and anger all directed at the piece of paper. I yanked it off quickly and held my breath. I read the message and exhaled sharply when I realized who it was from. I rolled my eyes. Emmett knew better.

"McCarty," I explained.

Harper rolled his eyes as well and took off in the other direction.

"Night, Masen," he called out.

"Goodnight, Detective," I called back.

I got into my car and pulled out of the spot easily. On my way to grab some fast food, I dialed Emmett's number. A groggy Rosalie answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Sorry, Rose, it's Edward. Emmett said to call him."

She groaned and said nothing. I heard shifting, heavy breathing, and Rosalie's quiet cursing.

"Hello?" Emmett asked with a yawn.

"Listen, asshole, you can't be leaving notes on my car. I'm sure you can imagine how that freaks me out."

"I didn't mean to freak you out. It's just that every time I called the office you were out doing some field shit. Not to mention you've been having problems with your cell lately. I had to pass by the precinct on my way home and decided to post a sticky. It didn't matter. You never came."

"I was a little busy," I grumbled, "This case is getting more complex by the minute. Besides you could've left a note with the receptionist."

"That receptionist is worth nothing. She's terrible. It was just an offer. Rosalie thought you might like a change of scenery for a few hours."

"Tell her thanks, but now isn't the best time. I can hang out with you guys and act like a normal human being when Bella comes back and I know this mole is put away for good. After that I just have to worry about testifying and keeping her safe on my own terms."

"Alright, I'm going back to sleep. Wait. Did you just leave the office _now_?"

"Yeah," I said with yet another yawn.

"Jesus, Edward, don't work yourself over. Bella might not have anything to come home to. I know you're dying to get this shit settled but take it easy."

"Thanks Mom. I'll be sure to brush my teeth and clean my ears before I go to sleep too," I responded with annoyance.

"I'm just trying to help. She's not around anymore and you barely speak to your family as it is. I'm the only one who's around to be concerned for your well-being these days. Do me and favor and cool the PMSing."

I rolled my eyes. I pulled into the drive-thru of some nameless fast food place and studied the menu.

"Whatever, Emmett, I'm about to eat. I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Rosalie I'm sorry for waking her up."

Emmett hung up without replying. I threw my phone at the passenger seat and pulled into the drive-thru. My phone was probably messed up these days because of the way I manhandled it but I especially didn't care at the moment. I was exhausted, annoyed, and ready to go insane with frustration.

I couldn't remember being this stressed on the job. I always dealt with a little more anxiety and pressure than the average officer but right now took the cake. I'd been with the department for nearly 11 years at this point and nothing compared. I spout off my order quickly and drove to the window.

I paid the teenager at the window and ate my food on the way home. I unlocked my apartment and immediately went to my landline to check for messages. I didn't expect Bella or my family to call here but I checked just in case. I fell into bed, fully clothed, and closed my eyes without a second thought. Sleep came easier than it should have.

The next morning my body woke up instinctually at 6:30. I took a shower and ate some cereal before I left for another long day at the office. On my way in, Stefan was flirting with a young officer at the counter and Garrett was on the phone with one of his superiors.

I patted Stefan on the back and winked at the officer. She blushed and tried to focus on Stefan. As I walked to our communal desk, I chuckled to myself, realizing she probably took my wink as something else. Honestly, I felt bad for the girl. It was just after 7:30 and she was already getting harassed by Stefan.

"How was your night, Masen?" Garrett asked as he sat down with me and drank his coffee.

"Too short," I muttered.

He laughed and grabbed his legal pad to scrawl some stuff down.

"What's that?"

"The numbers of a few people I need to get in contact with, regarding Javier Molina's tax problems. I also spoke to my superior and a rookie found some interesting information on that hotel/casino Fiori is planning to build. He was supposed to leave town this weekend to sell the idea to the city council where he plans to break ground. It's supposed to be one of those casinos that brings in revenue to a struggling Indian reservation."

I rolled my eyes. Yes, because Danny Fiori was that charitable and concerned with the financial woes of Native Americans.

"That was my exact reaction," Garrett grinned, "He obviously can't leave town now. He'll be in violation of the judge's orders. Had Tenorio been available or even Vega, he would've sent one of them. Our guess is that Cassavetes will be sent. He's the only one in Fiori's Trinity that's left."

"I assume we'll be sending someone over to keep an eye on him?"

Stefan materialized and answered.

"We've already got someone on it. We spoke to Harper as well. You're a great guy, Edward, but your cop buddies aren't so fantastic at the keeping-an-eye-on-suspects-thing."

I shrugged. Peter Herman was still dead and six feet under. Who was I to argue?

"I'm sure Fiori is nervous as hell. The only thing Cassavetes can understand is guns. Let's see how he matches up to bows and arrows," Stefan joked.

"You're right. I'll make sure everyone is keeping a close watch. Should something go wrong, Fiori is bound to flip his shit. If we're lucky, we'll have another murder on our hands. Cassavetes better hope he's the lucky one this weekend," Garrett said as he scrawled down reminders on his pad.

I sighed and folded my arms behind my head.

"So where are we going today? Please tell me it's not another two hour drive."

Stefan smiled a saccharine smile. My face fell and I groaned.

"I'm sitting shotgun this time and I control the radio," I stated.

_**10 Days Later**_

Stefan, Garrett, and I were debating the hotness of several actresses when Harper burst into the conference room. All the grins fell off our faces and our laughter cut off. I sat up in the chair I was leaning back in as Harper placed a folder on the table.

"Alright, boys, we've got some news. Federal agents found some interesting information on Ms. Molina. She's having an affair with someone named James. We don't know who he is or if he's an accomplice. There are no specifications on this guy. No last name, no age, no ethnicity, height…jack shit. I'll need you guys to start looking into call records, bank statements, etc."

We nodded like submissive puppies and hopped up. I could pretty much recite Victoria's call records at this point but we needed to dig deeper into who she was calling and the frequency at which she was calling these people. I figured it'd be harder to pin down, because she worked for the department. If she was as smart as I thought she was, then she'd be using unlisted numbers and separate bank accounts under different aliases.

"We're also looking into some accusations her colleagues have made. We've got a couple of felony chargers to look into—some obstruction of justice, tampering with evidence and all that jazz. Burgess and Hirsch expect an arrest to be made by the end of the week. Get on it," he commanded.

So for the next two days we looked into every possible lead. Victoria was being watched but agents hadn't caught her with this James character yet. She was either eluding officers when being followed or keeping a safe distance so he wasn't followed as well.

Today I was heading into the office to talk to Trigger. I got onto the elevator and she breezed past me. Victoria looked like she was crying and very disturbed. I wasn't sure if this had to do with her double-life, her affair, or her awful husband. It honestly could've been a combination of the three. I sent a text to Garrett to give him a heads up on this latest development.

I surprised Trigger by showing up at his desk unexpectedly. He was sitting there with Badger and O'Connor.

"Hey guys," I nodded as I grabbed the chair from Valence's desk and sat down.

Badger nodded and O'Connor patted my back.

"How's it going? I heard you guys had a scare last week," I began.

O'Connor began to regale me with the tale of how they thought one of our younger guys, Anderson, had been shot in the calf during an operation. They had reported to a suspect's house to arrest him and bring him in on theft charges. Anderson had been sent to restrain the suspect's girlfriend and she'd shot at him.

He ended up being grazed about a foot above the ankle but he was doing fine. It was a fairly shallow cut and the burning wasn't too severe. He was on a mandatory break until tomorrow. Trigger was quiet throughout the entire story and Badger was pretty quiet as well. They seemed to get along well.

"Alright, get outta here and do something productive. I need to speak to Trigger," I ordered.

Badger and O'Connor waved me off while Trigger scooted in closer and sat next to me.

"What's up?"

He pursed his lips.

"My mom has gotten sick again, I'm dating this new girl, and I'm considering resigning. I'm thinking about applying to a federal agency. The hours would be a little more stable, a regular 9-5, if I was lucky, and the salary would be better. What do you think?"

I laughed a short laugh.

"That's it?"

He nodded.

"I don't know why I expected you to need to speak to me about something worse. I thought maybe you were going to make my life easier and tell me you knew who the mole was," I laughed again.

Trigger cracked a smile.

"Sir, if I knew who the mole was you'd be the first to know but unfortunately it's still a mystery. I can tell you that the guys were talking in the locker room though and apparently there are a few lower level cops who are staying quiet. A little too quiet, you know? They're thinking they're not full-blown operatives but that they let things slip here and there. Sort of like that thing with Peter Herman. You know with your suspicions about Marceau and all?"

I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. It was my new tick when stressed.

"It would explain a lot of things," I agreed, "Anyway; we're not here to discuss me. I think applying with the feds would be a great idea. I think you're the right kind of personality for it, Trigger. It's more stable than this police bullshit and the salary is better. I'm all for it. If you need a recommendation, just call me. Actually," I dug into my wallet, "here's the number to a fed I'm working with right now. His name is Garrett. Give him a call. I'll let him know you're interested."

Trigger accepted the card with a grin.

"Thanks, Lieutenant."

"So is that everything?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, I'm going to go bug the shit out of Emmett. I'll catch you around."

"Oh, wait," Trigger stopped me as I rose from Valence's chair.

I sat back down and listened. Trigger leaned forward and lowered his voice.

"I overheard something the other day…about you," he began.

I quirked an eyebrow.

"Oliveros was talking to Hirsch, Burgess, and Harper. They're thinking that if you catch this mole and the Fiori trial turns out well…they might promote you to Captain."

I blanched. I honestly hadn't thought about the Captain thing in a while. I was so focused on finishing the case and doing right by Bella. My own personal achievement was one of the last things on my mind. So much more was at stake right now than a stupid title that'd just make my life more complicated.

I nodded and thanked Trigger for the information. I was happy to know it but at the same time I wasn't. I wasn't sure how much more pressure I could take. I went down the hall to Emmett's office and knocked on the door. He called me in and I sat down.

"What's up? Why aren't you under a mountain of useless leads and popping Advil for your migraines?"

I laughed.

"Stefan and Garrett are handling it. Trigger needed to speak to me about something."

"Oh?"

"It's nothing. Just think about looking into another sniper," I hinted.

He nodded and didn't say anything, knowing what I meant.

"Rosalie wants you to come over for dinner."

I glanced at my watch and decided what to do. He and Rosalie had been calling me incessantly to come over. I figured I should just do it and be done with it.

"I'll come over for a bit and then I'll head back to the office. Garrett could use the time with his fiancée and Stefan…well Stefan can find a set of legs to entertain him for an hour or two."

"Sounds good," Emmett agreed, "I'll call her right now."

He dialed Rosalie on speakerphone and waited.

"Yeah, Emmett?"

"Edward's here. He's coming over for dinner."

"He is?"

The excitement to her voice was unexpected. I'd never seen her that happy to hang out with me.

"Yeah," I confirmed.

"Oh shit! I need to go to the store. I'm in the nail salon. Emmett stall," she instructed.

I laughed loudly.

"Rosalie, it's not a big deal. We'll watch Sportscenter or something while we wait."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good. Call," she began and then changed her mind, "You can just use the phone when you come over."

I frowned and then refocused when I got her meaning.

"See you later, sexy," Emmett chuckled and hung up.

An hour later, I pulled into Emmett's driveway as he parked in front of me. Rosalie's red coupe was still missing.

I laughed to myself, remembering that night a few weeks ago when she told me her car was named Big Red. I made fun of her relentlessly for it and told her Big Red was more apropos for Bella's shitty red truck than her little Toyota. Rosalie then told me Bella called her truck Rose which brought on a whole new round of laughter.

I called Bella and asked her about it and she told me she named it that because she was secretly in love with Rosalie and they were having an affair. The laugh then turned out to be on me because I believed her. I was still ignoring the real story—that her red truck reminded her on an old lady—and sticking with the secret lesbian affair going on between Bella and Rosalie. And so was Emmett for that matter.

Emmett situated himself on the couch with a beer. I took one and sat on his patio while I dialed Bella. Rosalie must have spoken to her today if she was suggesting I call her. I hoped it was nothing bad. I'd been lucky as of late. Bella seemed to be enjoying her time with my family more than she thought she would. I was happy. I was taking the big brunt of our separation and it didn't bother me. I didn't want her feeling the way I did at times.

"Cullen residence," Alice answered.

"I'm sorry. I must have missed the memo that you're living in Carlisle and Esme's house now," I teased.

"Bite me, Edward," she growled.

"I can't. Bella won't let me."

"How are you?"

I chuckled.

"Fine. I need to speak to my girl. Where is she?"

"She's in the study doing something on the computer. I'll go get her," Alice explained.

Not a second later I heard her screaming Bella's name. Esme's voice was heard in the background, scolding Alice.

"Hello?"

The feeling of relief, completeness, joy, and a whole bunch of other nouns that overwhelmed me when I heard her voice was amazing. She could calm me down and make me feel better with a simple hello.

"Hey, love."

"Edward," she sighed, "I miss you….Rosalie called today."

"So I've heard."

"She told me that you've been leaving the department late the last few nights. You're not overworking yourself, are you? I don't want you to get sick from stress or anything. Your expiration date on this Chicago trip is fast approaching but I'll stay longer if it means you'll ease up. I really _am_ having a good time with Alice and your mother. Not to mention Carlisle and Jasper are also wonderful. I'm only teasing to a certain extent."

"Baby, I know. I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary. I was working late before the thing with the mole happened. I just made more of a conscious effort to ease up on it because I was with you."

"Promise me you won't overdo it? Where are you? Working?"

"I promise. And, no, I'm not working. I'm at Emmett and Rosalie's. See, I told you I would take it easy. Instant gratification," I smiled.

"I would make you go get Emmett so I could verify this information but Rosalie told me you were supposed to be there. She also told me she bought lingerie for when I come back from Chicago," Bella taunted.

I groaned.

"Bella, please. I haven't had sex in weeks. I perk up for anything now," I pleaded.

"You're such a man," she giggled.

"Yes. I am. Now stop it."

"Okay. So any luck with the mole?"

There was that journalist's curiosity to her tone that made me roll my eyes instinctively. I sort of loved it about her though. It was clear it was so much a part of who she was.

"We're following one lead right now. There've been some copy-cats and false leads but those have been put to bed. I'm thinking the arrest will be made soon if all goes well this week."

"And then you'll come and get me?" she squealed.

I laughed.

"Yes," I promised.

"Jesus, I'm going to have to break out an old rosary or something and pray. This has to work! I miss you too much," she ended in a mumble.

I sighed.

"Me too."

"Tell me about your day," she insisted.

I told her about Trigger and his plans to resign. It brought up the topic of my resignation again. I wanted to do it but I wanted Bella to be back and my part in this case to be over before I did so. Now that Stefan and Garrett had become such fixtures in my life, I didn't just want to leave them high and dry while things were finally starting to fall into place. Once the mole was put away then I would finally take the plunge.

Bella was still hesitant but agreed that maybe following Trigger's lead was a good thing. She didn't know about my connections with Eric too much. It was all very surface-level and vague. I kind of wanted to keep it that way. Things weren't set in stone. I also told her about Anderson and she gasped.

"Edward, be careful!"

I chuckled and pictured her face right now. She'd obviously never seen me on the job, but I promised her she had nothing to worry about.

"I sit behind desks and investigate stuff all day, love. You've got nothing to worry about. Besides even if I was in the field, I'm a pro," I gloated with a grin.

"Well, that's something I certainly don't miss," she groaned.

"What's that?"

"Your huge ego," she quipped.

"It's not being egotistical if it's true," I laughed.

"Whatever, Edward," she dismissed me.

I scoffed.

"Bella, are you serious right now?"

"Of course I am."

I rolled my eyes and growled.

"I'll remember that next time you're begging me to do you," I said bitterly.

The macho side of me wanted Bella to truly believe I was really worth the hype. It sort of bothered me she didn't buy into it. I wanted her to think I was capable of anything. It made me feel like I was.

"Okay, Edward," she replied—not really taking me seriously.

The sliding door opened and Rosalie stepped out. She gestured for me to give her the phone.

"Baby, Rosalie is here. She wants to talk. I'll call you later or something, alright? I love you."

"Love you too."

I handed my phone over to Rosalie and joined Emmett on the couch. It was comfortable but all throughout my time with them I could feel Bella's absence and it weighed me down. I knew she wanted me to spend time with them but it just wasn't the same. The ease that used to overcome me when it was just the three of us no longer existed. It was glaringly obvious Bella should be there.

Even more interesting was that Emmett and Rosalie thought so too. I left early, did my time at the station, and called it a night after talking to Bella on the way home. I didn't realize how glad I'd be for getting the extra sleep. The following day was complete madness.

Federal agents were getting ready to arrest Javier Molina this afternoon on tax evasion and fraud charges. Victoria was next. Two colleagues were under oath and accusing Victoria of being responsible for missing evidence and tampering with investigations. Apparently the testimonies she'd given in a few cases were also coming under scrutiny. '

Her testimony could affect the cases of at least three people that were currently sitting in prison. There was just too much evidence pointing at her. All of us, myself included, didn't have a doubt that she was the mole. It bothered me but I had told myself long before accepting the case that finding out who was responsible would.

I guess it just made my skin crawl a little more when I knew it was someone who worked in close proximity with me. I figured Bella would at least be happy that a major breakthrough could happen on the murder of Dylan Humphrey from back in the fall.

At 3:30 in the afternoon I was ready for another cup of coffee, me, Stefan, and Garrett had been running around all day long. Cassavetes had long been back but something was brewing between him and Fiori. I imagined Fiori didn't get all the positive news he wanted from this trip.

I knocked on Harper's door with the premise of asking him if he wanted anything from Starbucks. He was on the phone when I entered and I waited. He hung up quickly and sighed.

"That was the A.D.A. We're waiting on the warrant for Victoria. He says it'll most likely happen on Saturday. They want to talk to Javier first and he'll probably be arrested within the hour."

I looked at him in surprise. Today was Thursday. They needed to move quick before this information got passed onto Victoria. She wasn't exactly a flight-risk but you never knew. Suddenly, an idea came to me quicker than I could push it away. I acted on it without even thinking.

"So what's there to tell me, Detective?"

I fisted my right hand. It was worth a shot.

"I've got an emergency as well," I said with fake regret and awkwardness, "I was wondering if I could skip out on tomorrow. I can manage to be back by Saturday night."

Harper looked down at his watch. His lips mashed together in a grim line.

"Is it with your family? They're in Chicago, right?"

"Yes, sir."

He exhaled sharply and looked up from his watch.

"You'll miss Molina's interrogation. I'm not happy about this whatsoever but Stefan and Garrett can handle it. I have a feeling after tonight it'll become a federal case soon enough. I want you at headquarters as soon as you step off that plane on Saturday, Masen, got it?"

I nodded vigorously.

"Alright, you can leave. Stefan and Garrett will handle things from here."

"Thank you, sir."

"Make sure you keep that phone on," he ordered in a stern voice.

"Yes, sir."

I turned my back and jogged out of the precinct as soon as I was out of his sight. It was really bad to lie, especially to my superior at a crucial time, but I rationalized it by telling myself that the mole was done-for. Victoria would be arrested as soon as I came back. Bella would be safe. I paid a fortune in airline fees but managed to book one of the last seats on a flight to O'Hare at 5:40.

_**Present**_

I looked away from the angry businessman I had been staring at and watched the people on the arriving flight emerge from our plane. They walked through the gate with a purpose. I couldn't wait to be on the other end of that. I glanced at my watch. It was 5:11. I had gotten lucky and managed to score a seat. I'd only been in the airport for about 20 minutes total. I didn't even have a suitcase packed with me.

I had clothes at my parent's house and I was sure they had all the toiletries I'd need. The only thing I really needed to bring was my cell phone charger and that was tucked away in my jacket. I was literally on the verge of getting my girl with nothing but the shirt on my back.

The minutes passed by slowly but they still passed. I accidentally fell asleep on the plane. I was sort of glad. I wanted to be wide awake when I saw Bella. She was going to kill me for surprising her like this but I couldn't resist the opportunity. I rented a car and hightailed it to my parent's house. I should have driven a little slower, being a cop and everything told me that it was dangerous, but I couldn't take my foot off the gas for anything.

All the cars passed by in a blur and it was surprisingly meaningful. It was like nothing could took shape or form when they came between Bella and I. It really hit me in that moment that that was the way I'd been feeling all this time she was gone.

Jasper's BMW was parked in the driveway and my parent's cars were gone. I assumed they were in the garage but I wasn't sure. I closed my driver's side door quietly and walked up the porch as casually as I could manage.

I stood there for a moment at the door. An overwhelming feeling of homecoming struck me. Of all the times I'd been to this home. Of all the time I'd spent living here. There was no time other than this moment that'd made me feel so at home. I was _meant_ to be here.

I rang the doorbell and waited. Jasper appeared and the shock that registered on his face was enough to make me chuckle. I put up a finger to my lips and walked in. He closed the door behind me and called upstairs for Bella and Alice. The way he called them together, as this one entity, was strange but unusually comforting.

Alice and Bella's feet made noise as they came down. Alice's heels clacked against the hardwood and thumped against the carpet, while Bella just seemed to walk heavy. It was just my luck when Bella was the first one to appear on the staircase.

She was laughing at Alice when she caught my eye. She stopped dead on the staircase and Alice bumped into her. Alice grinned but stayed quiet, just appreciating the moment between Bella and I. I walked forward and Bella's eyes welled up with tears.

"Don't cry, love," I said quietly.

Bella bolted down the stairs and tripped on the last step before she flew into my arms. Her legs came around my hips and her arms locked around my neck. I buried my face in her hair and simply held on to her as she sobbed into my neck. I stroked her hair, trying to calm her down.

"You're…here," she hiccupped.

I chuckled and squeezed her frame.

"Yes."

I tried to loosen her death grip and sighed when I succeeded. I placed my arms around her back and supported her weight as I pulled away slightly. I looked into her tear-blinded eyes and kissed her forehead.

"I'm here. I promised you."

Bella placed her face in my neck again and whispered to me.

"I love you," she declared.

"I love you too," I whispered back.

"Welcome home," Jasper added.


	32. Chapter 32

Real life has been super busy guys. I'm sorry. I'm trying to crack down though and finish up the story. I want to get it done by October third, which will make a year of Secret's place here on FFN. With that, I'd like to say that the mole's chapter will be the chapter after next.

Chapter Song: P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care) by John Legend; Bella's Alternate: Put Your Hands on Me by Joss Stone

_I don't own Twilight, but I do own a super cool camera for my photography class. I bet SMeyer can't get it done in a dark room ;)_

* * *

Bella slowly slid from my body and back to the floor. Her arms gripped the collar of my jacket tightly; holding onto me for fear that it all might disappear. My arms stayed around her waist for the same reason.

"Thanks," I said to Jasper over Bella's head.

I looked back down at her and cupped her face between my hands. The tears had slowed and quieted. There were lines of water across her cheeks. The trapped moisture beneath her eyes was brushed away by my thumbs. It felt like I'd never be able to look away. I just wanted to stay here like this forever. I pressed my forehead down, against hers, and sighed. She closed the distance and brushed her lips against my own once.

"This is the sweetest thing I've ever seen," Alice cooed, "Mom and Dad will be so upset they missed it."

I pulled away from Bella and tugged her to my side. Her arms stayed clutched to me, but now they wrapped around my waist. Jasper looked at the ground for a second.

"You didn't bring anything?"

"Nothing but the clothes on my back," I grinned.

Alice gasped and then aww-ed next to Jasper.

"It _is_ true love," she smiled a watery smile.

Alice reached up to brush a tear away.

"Where are Mom and Dad?" I wondered.

"They went out on the town," Bella explained.

I looked down at her in surprise. It was surprising how easy she fit into this aspect of my life. It was a piece of me I'd avoided for so long, yet this was where I felt most comfortable with her. I knew though that without her I would have never felt this at home here.

All the isolation and loneliness seemed silly in hindsight. She was integral to me. Without her things didn't fall into place. I kissed her forehead, unable to stop myself from kissing her, touching her, holding her. It had been much longer than I could stand.

"That's nice. I'm glad they're doing something. Is it date night or something?"

Jasper, Bella, and Alice nodded. I smiled and walked with Bella into the living room. Jasper and Alice followed but they took their usual spot on the single-man seat. She perched right on his lap, while Bella curled into my side. I wrapped my arm around her and rubbed the side of her thigh.

"Are you tired?" Bella asked.

I nodded and involuntarily yawned. She smiled and kissed my chest.

Jasper and Alice watched in awe as I interacted with Bella. I sort of let them do so without complaint. I knew it had to be interesting to watch my relationship with Bella. They'd only met a handful of girls over the years and those relationships were obviously very different. There were no signs of affection. There was no intimacy. Most importantly, there was no love. It was simply a man and woman placed together.

"Wow, it feels like I'm meeting you for the first time," Alice spoke in the quiet.

I glanced in her direction and Bella shifted to look at her.

"Alice, what are you talking about?"

I took note of the comfort between Alice and Bella. The conversation was easy and normal. It was as if they'd been best friends their entire lives.

"Bella, you don't see it. You're new," she winked, "Edward has never looked so _in love_. We've seen him with maybe 3 other girls. The difference is night and day. I didn't even know Edward could be like this. He's not affectionate in relationships it seemed. I guess you bring out the best in him."

"That's not true. Edward is very affectionate. He may not be the P.D.A. type but he shows affection. There's a very distinct difference," Bella noted.

Jasper nodded in agreement.

"Bella wouldn't know much about P.D.A. and me anyway," I added, "She's been _here_ for the better part of our relationship."

Alice smiled while Jasper played with her hands idly.

"I'm going to make up for it though. I promise," I told Bella.

She looked up at me as I winked down at her. The front door swung open and Carlisle came in laughing, as my mother trailed behind. They hung up their coats on the coat rack and shared a brief kiss before they realized we were in the living room.

"Alice! Jasper! Bella!" My mother called out as she started to walk in our direction.

My mother stopped dead in her tracks with Carlisle right behind her as she stared at me. The tears welled up almost immediately and she walked forward, opening her arms. Bella sat up and shifted so I could stand. She gasped when I pulled her up with me. She was not taking a backseat to anything in this relationship.

My mother wrapped her arms around me and cried silently. It was only a few seconds before she pulled away again to get a good look at my face.

"Oh, I'm so happy you're here. Bella has been so worried about you."

Carlisle was standing off to the side, waiting for my mother to release me. Esme looked at Bella and then back at me before she hugged us both. I held in my laughter but I could feel and hear Bella shaking with laughter.

"Esme, you just saw me five hours ago. It's just me," she laughed.

I loved that she was this playful with my mother. She needed to be. If she didn't take things in stride or have a sense of humor, she would have hated her time here even more. My mom was a little over-the-top sometimes, due to her sensitivity, but she had pure intentions. Another girl would have gotten sick of her quickly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," she let go of us and swiped beneath her eyes to get rid of any black marks from her mascara.

Bella muscled her way back underneath my arm and the sense of completeness I felt when she took her place once again was incredible. Carlisle had everyone sit down while my mother ran off to start some coffee. Apparently, he took my mother to see a ballet.

They usually stayed overnight on those sorts of occasions, but I imagined they didn't want to leave Bella alone or inconvenience Alice and Jasper to spend the night. I kind of felt bad that I hadn't told them I was coming. I could have had the house to myself and taken care of Bella _very_ fine. It would've been a win-win situation.

"Edward, you really must stop showing up unannounced," my mother said in her scolding tone.

I put my coffee on the table below me and looked at her confusedly.

"Mom? Seriously?"

"How am I supposed to make plans or arrange your room? You're lucky Bella is around to keep the air and such circulating."

"Yeah, Edward," Bella added jokingly.

I flicked her arm.

"Edward!" My mother scolded.

Bella nodded her head seriously and pointed at me. I rolled my eyes, noticing how the dynamic had shifted already. It seemed Bella was the favorite now. I smiled and it was genuine.

"Alright, I've stayed longer than I should. I've got a long day of work tomorrow. Alice, shall we?" Jasper stood up from his seat on the floor and reached for Alice's hand.

Alice literally pouted and waved a sad wave as she went to retrieve her things. Jasper grabbed his coat and waited in the living room a few more minutes as he waited on Alice. She came downstairs, her heels announcing her arrival. Bella was curled into my side like a cat and I could see her eyes were heavy. It was Bella's I'm-more-tired-than-I'm-letting-on look.

My mother and father walked them out as I stood up and left my hand out for Bella's. She placed it in mine but instead I yanked her so she ended up in arms. Her eyes were wide as I reached beneath her knees to lift her up. Her arms flew around my neck as I righted her and held her in my arms.

The meaning beneath this gesture was not lost on either of us. I knew one day I'd do it for real and that day she'd be wearing a wedding band. My parents had disappeared into the kitchen as I took Bella up the stairs. Her eyes stayed on mine the entire time. I would have looked at her the entire time, but I sure as hell didn't want to ruin the moment by tripping. I was agile not infallible.

Bella reached down for me and twisted the knob to my bedroom door. I kicked the door closed with my foot and placed her on my bed. I hovered over her and our breathing grew quicker and louder in the silence. I leaned down and captured her lips. It was a true kiss. It was tender and passionate. The ever-present lust bubbled beneath the surface the longer our lips meshed together.

"Stop," I whispered as she started sliding my coat off.

"What's wrong?" She asked as she slid my coat off and kissed all across my face.

"Baby, we've got all the time in the world. You're tired and I'm exhausted. I want to finish this. Don't start it," I pled.

Bella sighed and pulled back slightly. She stared at me for a minute and then her hand stroked my cheek.

"I can't believe you're really here," she mused, "I wasn't kidding about the rosary thing. I prayed the other night. I think I might do it regularly. It worked."

I chuckled and slowly placed my weight on her, situating my face into the crook of her neck.

"Let me know how it goes. I've never really been fond of religion."

"Sometimes I think it's the only thing I can depend on. There's so much danger and you're only human, Edward. I have to have faith in something. At times it feels like I'll go mad if I don't have something to rely on and reassure me."

I didn't respond. I didn't know what I should say. I guess I just hoped in _something_. Whether it was religious or not was debatable.

"Mmm, my head hurts. No more religion. Let's go to sleep," I decided.

Bella shifted and I moved off of her to take my place at her side. I threw my coat, shirt, and sneakers off the side of the bed. I was sure I had pajamas somewhere but I was too tired to look. Bella slipped out of the bed and I nearly pulled her back. I closed my eyes and simply listened to her get ready for bed.

When she came back in, I reached out blindly for her waist and felt the material. It was silk. I opened my eyes. It was a plain camisole and shorts but it covered with lace accents. I closed my eyes again and shook my head. We moved as she pulled the sheets over our bodies and I pulled her into my chest. I spooned against her and fell asleep instantly.

I woke up at an unknown time. Bella's fingers were running methodically through my hair. She would start at the crown and run her nails lightly through the strands until she met the end where it curled slightly. On her way back to the top, I caught her fingers midair and opened my eyes. Bella seemed shocked by my sudden movement.

"Morning," I whispered throatily.

Bella smiled and kissed my fingers which were still wrapped around her own.

"Barely," she smirked.

I looked around for a clock and found nothing.

"It's after 11:30. I tried to wake you this morning for breakfast, but you were dead to the world. I let you sleep. You still look exhausted. I imagine you'll need a solid month of good sleeping to make up for what you've gone through lately."

I smiled without humor. It was simply a fact of life for me.

"Is everyone gone?"

"Your father is still here. He left for about two hours this morning to check on some stuff at the office. He's leaving again soon to meet a hospital donor."

I lifted my eyebrows in acknowledgment.

"Where's my mom?"

"She said something about seeing Alice's mother. I haven't met her though. She and Alice's dad were in Europe on vacation."

I rolled my eyes.

"We should all be so lucky," I muttered.

"Have you met her before?" Bella wondered.

I laughed a sharp laugh and closed my eyes.

"Unfortunately, I know Mrs. Brandon all too well."

"What the hell does that mean?"

I opened her eyes. Her tone sounded annoyed. I didn't want her to be upset with me.

"Caroline has a bit of a thing for me. My baiting her never helped it any. Too bad for her I was already taken by the time she made a move."

Bella's face scrunched up.

"Edward, you wouldn't really do that would you?"

"Of course not," I said without hesitation, "I've got you."

I leaned forward to kiss her own fingers but she pulled back. Bella sat up and frowned.

"I don't mean now," she clarified quietly.

I sighed.

"Bella, I'm not that person anymore. It's irrelevant. I'm sure my mom will tell her all about you today. She'll quickly understand why I've rejected her. I won't lie to you. I was an ugly person inside before. I did awful things. I used people and closed myself off. It's not like that anymore though."

Bella nodded, though I wasn't entirely convinced she believed me. To a certain degree, it bothered me she was questioning me about this. She knew who I used to be and it was a far cry from who I was now. On the other hand, I knew my past came along with consequences and this would be one of them. The sordid things of my past would never be completely erased. They could be forgiven yet not entirely forgotten.

I just hoped it would be something Bella and I could always work through. I hoped she would be the person _I_ believed her to be and let it go. None of it was important now. I knew love didn't conquer all but I had faith we were the right kind of people to get over this sort of hurdle together.

"Let's go get some brunch," Bella suggested once she composed herself.

She climbed over me and I noticed she had traded the thin camisole and shorts for jeans and a blouse. I sat up slowly, not wanting to aggravate my sore muscles. It wasn't that this bed was uncomfortable. I had simply slept much longer than I had in a long time. It was the sort of fatigue that made it hard to even lift your head from the pillow.

I threw on my shirt from yesterday and followed her into the kitchen. Carlisle was on the phone when we passed by his study.

"What do you want to eat?"

I shrugged.

"I like everything you make."

I knew I was kissing her ass but I was glad when she simply laughed at me and rolled her eyes. I kind of loved that about our relationship. There were those times when we were _so_ intense and serious. Then there were those times where we were lighthearted and didn't really take anything too seriously.

Bella made me an omelet and black coffee. While I ate, she shifted around, cleaning things and not staying still. When I decided she was going to make me seasick from all the moving around, I got her to sit on my lap. We fed each other and laughed quietly. There were stolen kisses and caresses. Promises for the future were made and several "I love you" declarations were thrown in. Then, Carlisle walked in.

He glanced down at his watch.

"Good afternoon, Edward," he smiled as he looked back up.

"Morning," I replied sourly.

Carlisle chuckled and served himself some coffee.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. I haven't slept that long in a while," I admitted.

Bella frowned and rubbed my cheek.

"And you, Bella?"

"Better than ever," she answered while looking at me.

"I'm heading to the hospital. I'll see you two later. If you see your mother, tell her I probably won't be home until dinner. Do you have plans for this evening?"

"Yeah," I decided as I looked into Bella's eyes. I suddenly had a plan.

"Alright. Enjoy your evening should I miss you later on," Carlisle waved us off and disappeared.

A few minutes later I heard his car pulling out of the driveway. Bella slipped off my lap and we headed back upstairs, so I could get dressed.

"What plans do we have for today?" she asked.

"I've decided you're going to get the Edward Masen Special," I smirked.

Her eyebrows shifted and she looked at me curiously.

"What does _that_ mean?"

We entered my bedroom and I started grabbing some clothes for a shower.

"It means I'll take you to a cheap restaurant, we'll see a B-level movie and I'll try to cop a feel, and if I'm lucky you'll come inside and let me violate you a little bit," I laughed, "Though in ideal circumstances, we'd be heading to your place."

Bella threw a t-shirt at my head as I left the room and headed for the shower.

***

"You look handsome," my mother complimented.

I kissed her cheek and thanked her as she stirred the pot of marinara sauce she was cooking.

"Where are you and Bella headed to?"

"We're going to see a movie, eat, you know, the usual thing."

"Ah, yes. All too well, I'm afraid. You'll never know the number of skittish girls that called here, looking for you during high school, Edward. Your 'movie and eat' routine left many heartbroken. If only they could see you now—monogamous and utterly in love."

I blushed and played with a wrapper on the island.

"Is she getting ready?"

"Yes."

"She's really a beautiful girl, Edward. At first glance, she's forgettable but it's truly her personality that makes her."

"I couldn't agree more."

"Bella is absolutely brilliant. She could keep Jasper and Carlisle on their toes during a debate. She's feisty. I like it," my mother turned over her shoulder to wink at me.

"It really does mean a lot to me that you like her. You know that, right? I know I haven't always been the best son and everything, but it really does. I think about you all more often than you'd imagine. I don't want it to seem as though I'm only hanging around because you've been doing this favor for me. Yesterday…I _felt_ something when I got here. This has always been a home, but it's never felt like _my_ home. That changed for me last night."

My mother turned around completely and lowered the flame. She stood on the opposite side of the island from me and her expression was pensive and careful.

"I won't lie to you, Edward, and say your distance hasn't hurt me over the years. Jasper is a great son, but you'll always be my number one. That's just how it goes. I've seen you more in the past year than I have since before you left for college. If it's because of Bella, I'm glad, but you should always know this is your home, with or without her. I'm seeing something in you that terrifies me and excites me at the same time. You're so in love—your first love—and you've got so much working against you. Just promise me you won't leave again if something happens," her voice cracked at the end.

I stared at my mother helplessly. The emotional damage I'd put her through could never be remedied or erased. It was like what happened with Bella this morning. I would have to accept that the poor decisions I had made in the past would affect me in the future.

My mother would always worry that the wrong thing would set me off and she'd lose the small grasp she had on me. Only time and energy could smooth over such wounds. The doubts would always stay. The only difference would be that they stayed hidden beneath the surface. I stood up and came around the island to hug her tightly.

"I'm so sorry. I promise to always need you," I tried to reassure her.

Her hands gripped my back, keeping herself together. She pulled back when she was ready and smoothed away light tears. I kissed her forehead and hugged her once more.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I'm going to make a mess of you," she said as she wiped at my shirt.

I brushed her hands away but captured them in mine.

"I promise no matter what that I'll be here."

She nodded and snaked her hands out of my grasp, to busy herself with the pasta and sauce once again. I sighed and glanced at my watch. I decided to check on Bella, who was upstairs with Alice. I knocked on my bedroom door. The concept was slightly ridiculous.

"What?!" Alice shouted.

I rolled my eyes.

"It _is_ _my_ room, you know," I grumbled.

"Aware," Alice snapped back.

"How long are you gonna be? The movie starts at 6:30. I need at least 25 to get downtown."

Alice opened the door a crack and stuck her head out. She scoffed.

"The way you drive…"

I glowered at her and tried to stick my head in to get a look at Bella. Alice pulled back and slammed the door shut in my face. I went into the living room. I was flipping through channels aimlessly. Nothing held my attention. Alice appeared in the frame and paused.

"Ready?" she glanced down the hall.

I stood up, shut the TV off, and walked towards Alice. Bella appeared around the corner. I smiled immediately. She looked absolutely the same.

"You like?"

I chuckled and walked forward to kiss Bella's cheek.

"I love it. You didn't do anything to her."

"Exactly," Alice winked.

I grabbed Bella's hand and we made our way to the front door. I held out her coat for her as she slipped her arms in. Alice watched like a proud parent. The only thing she was missing was Jasper.

"Now be safe you two," Alice warned, "Edward, no drinking and driving. And Bella, no letting him near you without a rubber. Have fun!"

I smacked my forehead with my palm and yanked Bella out of the house—far, far away from Alice. Bella was giggling the entire way to the car and it warmed me up despite the cool air outside. I had missed that sound more than I could put into words. I revved the engine and pulled out swiftly.

"Nice leather," Bella noted as she gazed at me.

I glanced down and smiled at the jacket.

"I figured it was necessary for the whole effect," I joked.

Bella rolled her eyes and I pressed on the gas until she squealed. I parked my car in a garage for more money than I'd spend on the entire date.

I held Bella's hand tightly in my own and reveled in the fact I could be like this with her in public. There were no shifty eyes or movements to watch out for. We were simply a man and woman in love. There was no hiding. My heart ached for what seemed like the distant day this might be a regular occurrence for us. I hoped it would come to pass sooner—especially with Victoria's arrest tomorrow—but until I could step outside my apartment and know for certain I was truly safe, I wouldn't believe it.

"That building is so pretty," Bella sighed.

I squeezed her hand and pulled her in tighter. I explained the landmarks and typical tourist attractions. It had been such a long time since I'd been in downtown Chicago like this. I think Bella caught on to the fact I'd parked far away so we could do a little sight-seeing and waste time. Tomorrow we had to leave all this perfection behind us.

I got in line with Bella and ordered tickets for the film I was more than certain I would not be watching. I hadn't been with my girl in weeks. I was sure as shit I was making out with her like a horny teenager. We sat in the back row. Bella almost argued but when I placed my hand on her thigh she shut up and got the hint.

At first, we did try to watch the movie. A young boy and his date got to work a lot faster than we did. I was actually kind of disturbed. Then Bella started rubbing random shapes into the jeans on my right thigh and I completely forgot about the adolescent boy. My mouth claimed hers immediately. Her tongue snaked into my mouth as she ran her hands through my hair.

Her tongue caressed mine and I allowed her to use my mouth as she pleased. I started to pant loudly and pulled away, trying not to bring any more attention to the old couple in the back row making out. I sucked on the skin below Bella's ear as she trembled and choked back whimpers. When my hand reached her waist, I held off for a few seconds.

I tried to slowly make my ascent, hoping that Bella knew where I was going and was okay with me. As I touched her breast over the sweater she was wearing, I bit back a groan and shifted in my seat. I was _so_ hard. An explosion happened on screen and I jerked. Bella looked at me with hazy eyes and swollen lips. _Oh fuck an alien attack._

The movie ended eventually, as all things do, and Bella and I sat while the audience dispersed. She took a mirror out of her purse and tried to fix her hair and reapply some make-up. I was proud of myself. She looked thoroughly flushed and pleased. I stuck a piece of gum in my mouth and chewed with a cocky grin on my face the whole time.

When she decided she was presentable, she stood up and I followed her out. Bella mentioned something about my hair looking sexed up and I scoffed.

"That's for later. Do your best," I laughed.

She rolled her eyes.

"Sure, Edward, let's have sex in your parent's house. I suppose I really _will_ be treated to the Edward Masen Special tonight."

"You were the one ready for me and willing to go last night," I reminded her.

Bella gaped at me as we walked down the street.

"I was not going to have _sex_ with you last night! I was just trying to welcome you. Who said we were having sex?" she yelled in a hushed whisper.

"I'm sorry. You'll have to repeat yourself again. Lots of cars," I mocked.

"I'm serious," she stomped her foot.

I looked at her with amusement and continued walking.

"You're seriously bad at making up euphemisms for blow-jobs," I teased as I tried another angle.

"You weren't getting a blow-job last night either!" she unwittingly yelled.

I stopped and looked around at the patrons that were either ignoring her completely, 'cause this is Chicago and you see/hear crazy shit every day, or looking at her with disgusted looks. I walked back towards her and tugged her down the sidewalk. Bella was blushing like crazy.

"You infuriate me," she whispered harshly.

"I know I do. You make me crazy too. It's why we love each other."

Her face softened at my words and she leaned in closer to me.

"I lied. I probably would've, at least, given you a blow-job."

I laughed loudly and threw my head back.

"I know that, too."

We held hands again and continued to our next stop. I was glad Bella didn't ask me where we were going. It helped that she was content to simply look around and explore with those big eyes of hers. The crowd outside of Potbelly's was expected and made me smile. Bella looked at me curiously when we entered the restaurant.

"We're eating here?" she asked over the music and talking.

I nodded.

"Edward Masen Special," I reminded her.

We got our food quickly and I had Bella snag us a table. I almost sat on the other side of the booth but when the act for tonight started I decided to squeeze in with her.

"I'm not even sure I can hear you," Bella said.

"I know. That's why I used to love coming here on dates," I winked.

Bella rolled her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich. Bella surprised me when she ordered the same thing as me. We both got A Wreck and a strawberry milkshake. I almost ordered some cookies but I decided we could go somewhere else if she wanted some sweets.

"You were a real winner, Edward," Bella said dryly.

"I'm much improved—be glad."

She shrugged and took another bite of her sandwich.

"When are we leaving?" she asked point-blank.

I choked on my milkshake. My eyes got watery and I drank some of the extra water we'd ordered.

"Excuse me?"

"When are we leaving? I know this is a quick visit, right? I mean…am I wrong in assuming you're here for me?"

The nerves overtook Bella and she shifted in her seat.

"I know I told you I like it here but," she paused, "Edward, I can't be without you anymore. It hurts too much, especially if you leave again after this. All I'll be able to think about is what I could have done to keep you here longer."

Bella looked into her lap. It was very un-Bella but I knew her well-enough now to know when her insecurities and fears were present. There were very few things she got like this over. Unfortunately, things involving me and our relationship were two of the few. I pulled her chin up and frowned when I saw unshed tears in her eyes.

"I made a promise to you. I don't want you doubting us. I'm not leaving here tomorrow without you," I affirmed.

"Tomorrow?"

I nodded.

Bella looked at her plate.

"Esme will be disappointed. I was supposed to teach Alice a thing or two in the kitchen. With the way Alice chatters we've barely learned anything. I swear sometimes she talks aimlessly just so we can get off-topic and make no progress whatsoever."

I nudged her side and smiled. She leaned up to kiss my cheek and linked our fingers together above the table. The music act onstage piped up again. Bella and I continued to watch as we ate. I regaled her with several stories from my adventures here at Potbelly's. Jasper and I made it a point to go at least once each time I came back from college. Not to mention we'd both brought our share of girls here.

The atmosphere was relaxed and cool. We always had the best of times on even the worst of dates. Bella and I decided to head back to the car. On the way there we did some window shopping. While Bella's eyes glazed over as she looked at a pair of bracelets her mom would like, the princess cut engagement ring a row above the bracelets was what held my attention. I committed the ring and phone number to memory.

Logically, the idea of marriage should have terrified me. Truthfully, it did to a certain extent, but only because I was afraid I wouldn't be a good enough husband for Bella. I wasn't going to rush into anything but I sure as hell wasn't going to forget that ring.

Fate had stepped in and we had taken a chance. We could have completely skipped over this jewelry shop, but we didn't. I knew that was the ring Bella would wear someday—maybe not months away or even a year. One day, though, she'd wear that ring as a promise to marry me. Jasper would have to do me a solid tomorrow. I'd done it for him before.

"I hope we get to come to Chicago again soon. I'd like to get that bracelet for my mom. She's a flake and sometimes I can't stand her, but I know she'd love to have a matching bracelet. Who knows? Maybe she'll actually remember to call her only daughter if she's got a tennis bracelet on her wrist."

I didn't say anything to Bella. The bitterness she felt towards her mother was territory I didn't often enter with her. I had my own parental issues. I was in no place to preach. I simply supported her and encouraged her to do positive things. As much as their relationship was strained, the simple idea of Bella wanting to get her mother a bracelet spoke volumes.

We drove in companionable silence on the way home. Bella leaned against my arm and I focused on the windy road to my parent's house. Jasper, Alice, and Carlisle's cars were missing. I contained a grin. I didn't want to get my hopes up yet. I unlocked the front door and the house was dark. The teenage boy inside was already doing the Cabbage Patch. Bella flicked a light on and grabbed a sticky note off the wall beside it.

"Went to Caroline and Isaac's house for a late dinner party. Alice and Jasper are with us. Attendance not required. Love Mom," Bella read.

I was already creeping behind Bella as she finished. I slid my hands to her waist and rubbed the skin beneath her blouse. I kissed her neck and she was already losing her balance. I spun her around slowly and pulled her face to mine. There were lips everywhere and hot breath filled the silence. The only sounds came from outside.

Crickets chirped and wind swept past the sides of the house, otherwise the only sounds were of smacking wet kisses and panting. Before I took her on the staircase or Esme's Persian rug, I grabbed Bella's hand and we ran upstairs. I slammed my bedroom door shut behind us and pressed her against it. I ground myself into her front and groaned.

"God, it's been too long," I said thickly.

"I need you," Bella moaned.

I threw off my jacket and pulled my shirt over my head, not even bothering with the stupid buttons. Bella reached into my pants to pull my wife-beater off and grinned at my bare skin. Her hands ran along the front of my chest as I kissed her once again. I moaned at the taste of her and rhythmically ground myself into her.

The friction was amazing and unbearable at the same time. I sort of wanted to try some foreplay for a bit but Bella wasn't into it. All I knew was that I didn't want it to end quickly. Sure, we had some time, but sue me for wanting to make an entrance.

"Take your fucking top off," I begged.

Bella pushed me away from her place on the door and stared at me fiercely as she pulled her blouse over her head. The eyes she gave me reminded me of that hallucination I'd had what seemed ages ago. The memory of a determined Bella, bringing me to the point of incomprehension during a press conference still remained. A new wave of lust and determination flowed over me.

I yanked her bra straps down and placed my mouth on her pert nipple. Bella cried out and tugged at my hair. I groaned in pain but continued sucking her skin into my mouth. Bella's other hand squeezed my bicep roughly. She seemed to be falling apart before I really even started.

I pulled away from Bella to look over my shoulder. The desk was the closest flat surface. I lifted Bella awkwardly and dropped her onto the edge of the desk. My hands worked her zipper and button free quickly.

She lifted her hips and I dragged them down as much as I needed to. I swore when I realized she wasn't wearing underwear. I undid the button on my jeans and yanked them down with my boxers, again, as much as I needed to. I aligned our lower halves and thrust into Bella.

"Edward!" she cried out.

I placed my forehead against hers and sharp breaths came through my nose rapidly. I closed my eyes and slowly inched myself back out. Once again, the only noises came from us. My breaths filled the air and Bella's sighs filled my ear. It was hot and muggy. The cold air outside had no relevance in this bubble we were in.

It was heat, fire, passion, love, hunger.

They were the only things that mattered. Clothes were barely off and yet none of it mattered. They way we loved each other physically was the only thing of importance.

I slid back inside and was consumed by heat. Bella was burning me from the inside out. What would remain of me after this was over would be the ashes of a man that once was. Through those ashes, the man that only lived for the woman he loved would arise.

"Uhh," Bella whispered.

The pace was slow and torturous. This slow burn would be the loveliest burn. I gripped the mahogany desk painfully. My knuckles were white and nearly burst through the skin. The tendons in my forearms tightened and protruded through my pale skin. I never wanted this feeling to end.

"God, I love you so much," Bella murmured breathily.

I choked on a groan and it came out as I whimper. My hips burned with an effort greater than I'd ever known. I grabbed Bella's chin with my free hand and pulled her mouth to mine. I felt her hand between us, manipulating her clit. I held off the underlying tension and continued my pace. Bella bit my lip as her brain clouded and her lower body took over. She clenched around me and came.

I followed and broke a piece off the desk as I froze, then jerked. I placed my sweaty forehead in her clammy neck. Her heartbeat raced beneath the skin. I kissed her jugular and pulled back. I pulled out and turned around to wipe myself off. Bella's nipples pressed into my chest as she hugged me from behind. Her lips puckered against my skin as she kissed my back. I turned around and cupped a hand beneath her jaw.

"You're beautiful."

"So are you," she smiled.

I pulled her towards my bed and collapsed on it with her.

"Give me a few minutes and we'll try for another."

Bella laid her head on my shoulder and rested her hand on my stomach. I closed my eyes and lay with her for several minutes. I thoroughly burned. Bella had left her mark on me permanently.

"Your heartbeat is racing," Bella noted.

"You do that to me," I replied honestly.

Silence passed.

"I want you to know how much you mean to me. I want you to know how serious I am when I say there'll never be another one for me."

Bella shifted. I opened my eyes and she was now looking down at me she leaned on her elbow.

"How can you be so sure?"

"How can I not?"

"People change, Edward. You're so idealistic about everything. I love it, but sometimes I feel guilty. What happened with," she skipped over his name, "it just showed me how everything can change in the blink of an eye."

I sat up and matched her position.

"I don't believe that all this has happened for nothing. We're meant to be together. That's it."

Bella lay back down and closed her eyes. A look of guilt crossed over her face.

"You really trust me that much, don't you?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"I love you for that."

"I love you for everything."

She blushed and opened her eyes.

"I have to be honest about something."

My heart broke but I responded quickly, not letting my fear overrule me.

"It's silly, but you have given me complete transparency. I feel like I need to do that same. I…Edward…I called my informant."

I looked at her confusedly, not sure where this was going.

"Remember when you made me promise not to get into trouble?"

I nodded. I didn't know exactly what time she was referring to, but I said it often.

"Well, I sort of called…looking for information…about the mole."

I closed my eyes and tried not to let the instinctive anger get the best of me. I tried to rationalize that she was just trying to help, that she was just looking out for me, that her heart was in the right place.

"Edward, please say something," her voice was uncharacteristically small.

The immature side of me was glad she knew she was in trouble.

"Bella, I asked for one thing."

"I know. I'm sorry. I promise—"

"The mole has been taken care of. Why don't you trust me to get things done?"

"It's not that. I just—I needed to help out some way. You'll never understand how useless I've felt, I feel."

"I get it. You're not one to take things lying down but if I tell you something it's for a good reason. Please don't tell me you got more involved than that."

"No. She," Bella froze.

"She what?"

"There was no information on the mole. My source didn't find anything. Danny has been super secretive about this mole. The best they had was everything I already knew."

"Who is '_she_,' Bella?"

Bella sighed and frowned deeply.

"My source," she mumbled.

"Your source is woman?"

"Yes."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank fucking God she didn't know anything about Victoria. I didn't suspect anything would happen to Bella—I wouldn't have left if I did—but I still felt like it was good to keep those two spheres separate.

"Well, we've got the mole. They're being arrested tomorrow. As soon as I get you to Rosalie, who'll take you home, I need to get to the office. We've got interrogations, paperwork, and headaches to endure."

"Okay."

"You're forgiven."

Bella grinned.

"Conditionally," I added.

She also frowned.

"This time you're on top."

Bella laughed and pushed me into the mattress.

The following morning I slipped out before Bella awoke. She looked gorgeous in my bed. Her hair was a tangled mess, the navy sheets suited her, and best of all she was stark naked beneath them. I slipped on a pair of boxers and threw on a t-shirt. I entered Carlisle's study quietly. My mother and Carlisle tended to sleep in a little longer on weekends. I called Jasper and hoped he wouldn't be too pissed for waking him at seven A.M.

"Hello?" he mumbled.

"Jazz, it's me."

There was a pause.

"It's fucking seven A.M., Edward. You better not be in jail or something."

"No, asshole, I need a favor. You owe me."

"Owe you for what? Waking me up at seven on a Saturday should make up for it as it is."

I rolled my eyes.

"Listen, I need you to go to this place for me and pick up something."

"Cryptic," Jasper remarked.

"Zip it, Dr. Spock. I couldn't buy it yesterday. Bella was right there. Besides, the place was closed."

"What the hell is the secret gift?"

"Well, um, actually it's a ring."

Another pause.

"How much do I need to bail you out? Just tell me. This really isn't funny."

Again I rolled my eyes.

"Who is that?" I heard Alice mumble sleepily.

"You're serious?" Jasper asked.

"Deadly."

He sighed when he saw I wouldn't argue about this much longer.

"Fine. Give me the specs."

Jasper kept shooting me glances as Bella arranged our luggage at the front door. The ring was safely tucked away in a crevice in Bella's suitcase. I was the only one who knew the little whole existed. Wear and tear during college made for several hiding spots. Alice frowned at the black suitcase.

"I wish I would've known you were leaving so soon. I would have gotten you a prettier suitcase like I promised."

I rolled my eyes and Bella laughed. She hugged Alice tightly and held on for a minute. I felt bad when I saw how attached Bella had become to Alice. I made a mental note to either invite them to Seattle soon or make trips to Chicago more frequently. Jasper shook my hand and patted my back.

"Good luck," he whispered surreptitiously.

I nodded.

"Bye, Edward," Alice ambled towards me.

I hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head.

"Take care of my brother, alright?"

She nodded and squeezed my back. My parents had said goodbye earlier this morning. Unfortunately, they had plans scheduled for today and we only got to spend a few minutes with them. I grabbed the suitcase and Bella wiped underneath her eyes. She smiled sadly at me and went out the front door.

"Call us when you land," Alice called out to us as I started down the staircase.

"We promise," Bella called back.

Much sooner than I would've liked we landed in Seattle and Bella's face was completely different. The glow she'd had while we were in Chicago was gone. I could see the stress and tension in her eyebrows. I could feel the frustration and apprehension in the way her hands gripped mine.

"I have to call my dad," she announced as we walked towards the long-term parking.

"I know."

I was still bitter with Charlie but I knew things were going to have to be swept under the rug at some point. I wasn't sure when Bella would tell her father about us, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for later rather than sooner. Our time apart was still a fresh memory. I wanted to build up a little more trust in our relationship.

I wasn't entirely convinced that Bella might not run from me if her father dropped enough subtle digs. Her reaction to Caroline was enough to show me that. It also seemed that she still held guilt for leaving Jacob. She would never say it aloud or admit it to me, but I had a feeling she was afraid of doing the same thing to me.

My eyes scanned the parking lot. I was looking for a red coupe and blonde hair. I was not disappointed. I leaned down to whisper in Bella's ear.

"Bella, look to your right."

Bella's eyes narrowed as she strained her vision. Her eyes widened once she saw Rosalie. I think Bella considered a sprint for a half-second and thought better of it. When we reached Rosalie, she hugged her tightly.

"I missed you!"

"I missed you too."

I sighed.

"Alright, ladies, this is where I take my leave. Rosalie you already have your instructions. Bella, I'll see you late tonight. Don't wait up for me. If you get scared or need something, call Emmett or Rose."

Bella nodded while still holding on to Rosalie. Rosalie seemed to be a faint semblance of normalcy in Bella's Seattle life. I kissed Bella once and hopped into my Volvo. I reached into the pocket of my coat and fingered the velvet box I'd stashed in there as Bella went to the bathroom after we landed.

Rosalie threw the suitcase in her trunk and waved me off as I tore down the parking lot. I turned on my cell phone and received several messages. The first text I opened was:

_She's in lock-up. We've got a whole confession going. I think Dylan Humphrey's case maybe be reopened._

_-Stefan_

_

* * *

_

Lots of information to process. The source is a woman? Speculate away...

Rec'd fics: _Strange Days_ by jandco; _Time and Again_ by ooohlalaaa; _Beautiful Beat_ and _Memoria in Aeterna_ by americnxidiot; _Not Meant to Be_ by SweetDulcinea


	33. Chapter 33

I was sick and super busy with school. I'll leave it at that. Updates will be slow while the semester is in full-force.

Chapter Song: (this is for fun) 99 Problems by Jay-Z

_I don't own Twilight. I do own a boy named Hank Welker though..._

* * *

"Congratulations," Garrett grinned as he shoved papers into his briefcase.

I nodded at him tiredly.

The lazy smile that spread across my face took more effort than anyone would ever know. I was exhausted.

Today I'd been blessed and thankfully our suspect had given up everything all her secrets, but it was not without effort. My mind was exhausted from working overtime to process everything she confessed and put the pieces together quick enough to stay at least two steps ahead of her. I couldn't fall behind and not decide where my next line of questioning would go.

Stefan came behind me and patted me on the back.

"Good work, Masen. You may just be government material," he winked, "We'll see you in a couple hours."

I flipped him off and rolled my eyes.

Stefan was constantly discussing the advantages of working for the Feds versus a local authority. In truth, I knew he simply respected me and thought my talent could be put to better use. I felt the same way some days, more so now than before, but I couldn't leave the department behind as if my time here was a waste. If for only meeting Bella, my time here would never feel like a loss.

Stefan followed Garrett out and the two disappeared into the evening traffic. I still had to see Danny Fiori in an hour. We were hoping to grease some wheels and get some information from him about his mole. If Victoria was confirmed without confirmation, we'd know we were on good footing.

I yawned.

Captain Oliveros came down the hall. I was sitting at a desk—who the desk belonged to, was a mystery to me. It had been a while since I was at headquarters.

"Detective Harper is waiting downstairs with a few officers. Mr. Fiori is in transit. They'll need you in interrogation room four in a few minutes."

I nodded as he walked off.

I stood up and made my way to the elevator. It came quicker than I expected. As I made my descent, I leaned my head against the wooden panel and closed my eyes. I wondered what Bella was doing at this moment. I hoped she was sleeping, but knowing her I didn't bet on it. She was stubborn as hell. I'm sure she was expecting me to come home and fill her in on all the details from today.

The elevator door chimed and the car stopped. The doors opened ominously as my eyelids flew apart to see who was getting on. Charlie looked at me with a guarded expression. He stepped on wordlessly and the doors closed behind him. I fixed my posture. The rigidity in my stance was of defiance and defensiveness.

The sense of déjà vu behind this scene was not lost on me. The last time the two of us were on an elevator together at night, he'd spent a majority of the ride raving about his daughter's new fiancé. The word twisted my mouth into an unconscious grimace. It sounded better when the word didn't include Jacob Black.

I clenched and unclenched my fists. I didn't spare any glances in his direction. I was oblivious to his accusing eyes and angry stares. I wondered for a brief moment if I should make a peace offering or if I should tell him I loved his daughter more than my own life.

The moment was lost as soon as the doors chimed.

It was chaos on the floor. Several officers were guarding the interrogation room; a few lawyers were present and arguing with said officers; and a few members of my former S.W.A.T. unit stood around. Emmett stood with Trigger, Valence, O'Connor, Badger, the newly recuperated Anderson, and Crawford. I assumed they'd been the ones to bring in Fiori from his estate. He had been on house arrest as of late.

"Ladies," I said jokingly as I passed by my team.

They all nodded at me as I entered the interrogation room. I shut the door behind me. I wasn't sure if Charlie had still been on my ass, but if he had I would've loved to see the look on his face when the door was closed on his nose.

Danny Fiori sat lazily in his chair. His attitude showed no interest in dealing with any of us right now. His hair gave away his stress though. I imagined he'd been tearing at it before he was even picked up. From what I heard from Garrett earlier today, the bank had seized two of his properties.

Little by little the pieces of his empire were falling down like the walls of Jericho. Finding the mole had been my proverbial trumpet.

"Good night, Lieutenant?" he asked with a sneer.

I almost wiped my smile off, ready to play hardball, but thought better of it. I knew no one was particularly fond of my arrogance, so I used the opportunity to be smug as an advantage. If I pushed his buttons, hopefully the right results would come out. He couldn't exactly call my bluff, so I had to play this casually with just the tiniest amount of caution.

"Great night," I smiled widely.

I was sure each tooth was present and accounted for as I stretched the tired muscles in my face. They protested but did as they were told.

"Oh really? Why's that?"

I was reasonably surprised by the modicum of interest he actually seemed to convey. There was a certain genuineness that was unexpected.

"I made the last major milestone in my big case. Thankfully, after months of work, it'll end quickly and with the best case scenario's results."

"How wonderful," Fiori muttered.

"It is. So tell me—we're off the record right now. Your lawyer's still arguing with the officers outside—what's this I hear about the bank seizing two properties? The economy finally catching up with you?"

He looked at me with disdain. I was being a pain in ass his, bringing up what I'm sure was the day's headache.

"Yeah."

I pursed my lips, shook my head, and sat back in my chair.

"That's a shame. What properties?"

He folded his arms over his chest and studied me for an extended amount of time before answering.

"A property near a reservation—more northwest of here—and one of my restaurants. I wasn't too upset about the restaurant. I was thinking about closing it anyway. The food is shit and with my associates facing all these legal troubles I figured I should cut some losses and tone things down. Know what I mean?"

I nodded.

The reservation property being seized by the bank was a big fucking red flag, taunting me, begging me to go after it. I decided when I "stepped out for a cup of coffee" I'd mention the information to Harper and allow him to proceed with that line of questioning.

I was confident in my abilities but that piece of information would be the only way we could segue into the Victoria related points we needed. I didn't want to fuck it up. Harper would know what to do without question. The biggest issue would be its relevance. If the lawyers believed for one second we were looking for hooks to latch onto that had nothing to do with why we'd brought him in, tonight would be lost.

"He brought up the reservation property," I murmured to Harper as I sipped on black coffee and stared at Fiori through the two-way mirror.

"I'm not sure I can ask him about it. His lawyers were told he was brought in for questioning about Dylan Humphrey's murder. Garrett, Stefan, and the other federal agents will have to chase that line of questioning. All his economic troubles are their concern now."

"Do you think he'll say anything?"

Harper snorted.

"It's unlikely, but, regardless of that, its protocol. Mrs. Molina made some shocking confessions and allegations. It's our responsibility to follow up on those claims."

"We can't bully him. He's not swayed by intimidation. We have to get him where it hurts. His business is his pride and life's work. He'd sell his mom into sex slavery before giving up his business."

"I'm surprised you got him to speak to you. He usually won't speak without a lawyer. Not to mention he's said he's not particularly fond of you. I can't imagine why," Harper ended with a sarcastic smirk.

I glared at the man across the thick glass.

"He tried to kill me."

"I didn't say it wasn't provoked."

"Provoked doesn't even begin to cover it. Try having him rub it in your face…literally."

"You're treading on thin ice with him, Edward. Be careful. He made an effort to get rid of you once, and back then you were an annoyance. If he put the right amount of sweat and energy into it, you'd be on the front cover of the newspaper as a fallen hero."

I tossed my cup of coffee in the trash bin with a little more effort than was necessary. Harper looked at my clenched fist and said nothing. Captain Oliveros walked in with Charlie behind him. I could hear Emmett's laughter in the hallway.

"The Chief has decided that Detective Harper will move forward with Mr. Fiori's interrogation alone," Oliveros announced.

Cottonmouth was the only way to describe what happened at that bit of news. I was in utter shock that I had been excluded. I folded my arms against my chest as the District Attorney and Fiori's lawyer came in and passed Charlie and I.

The D.A. stood over by the tapes, monitoring the conversation, as the lawyer entered the room. Harper and Oliveros chatted quietly for a moment before Harper walked into the interrogation room. The tension in the air was palpable. I saw the D.A. shoot looks at the glacier between me and Charlie.

"I'm afraid I know just as much about Dylan's murder now as I did 9 months ago when you people questioned me."

I internally scoffed. I was sure he knew that much. He just wasn't telling us.

"I told you all of this. From my basic understanding, Dylan hung around my docks from time-to-time. It's not unusual. Some kids hang out there for the wrong reasons. Others like to get a feel for what it's like to be a worker on the dock. Apparently, one of my guys used to know him. I made an investigation and fired the man. He was paid to work—not socialize with teenagers. That's all I know of Dylan Humphrey."

Charlie was completely stoic next to me. I continued to stare out the glass window and watch the scene before me. My eyes weren't really trained on anything. I barely blinked. I was somewhere between ridiculous exhaustion and utter detachment. The lies flowing out of this man's mouth angered me, but my body couldn't form enough energy to be upset at the moment. The interrogation dragged on for another hour.

"One final question: Do you in any way know a Mrs. Victoria Molina?"

Fiori blinked several times. His lawyer leaned down to whisper in his ear for the hundredth time before he answered the question.

"Yes," he replied unexpectedly.

"What is the nature of this relationship?"

"Javier is a…_friend_ of mine. I've never met Victoria personally, but I know of her. I'm aware that she works for the department."

"How long have you known Javier Molina?"

Fiori shifted in his chair uncomfortably. His lawyer leaned down in response to the obvious discomfort of Danny.

"Um, several years. We knew each other as kids. I sort of fell out of touch with him but we met up again a few years ago. I've helped him with some of his finances."

"And what sort of help have you offered?"

"Alright, that's it. This has nothing to do with the murder of Dylan Humphrey. I think that's enough for my client this evening."

Charlie sighed beside me. It was the first indication of his being alive.

The D.A. clucked his tongue and folded his arms over his chest. I was surprised he never entered the interrogation room. I guessed Harper and Oliveros wanted to keep things as casual as possible. Stirring the pot might make Fiori become more defensive. If the D.A. was absent, maybe he'd fall into a false sense of comfort.

The D.A. left the room quickly as the men in the interrogation room started to stand. Harper walked in and started to discuss what had just transpired with Oliveros.

I finally looked at Charlie. He was staring at the floor, not saying a word. The two men eventually walked out to speak with the D.A., leaving Charlie and I alone once again.

Something inside me told me to savor the opportunity. After this weekend, I couldn't be in the same room as this man and not tell him how much I loved his daughter. It felt cowardly.

"Sir…Charlie," I fumbled.

His eyes whipped up to meet my own. The surprise in his eyes reassured me. I sighed. My mouth opened to speak.

"What do you want, Lieutenant?"

I bristled at the venom in his tone.

"Sir, I want to apologize again for what happened a while back. It was my all my fault and I'm truly sorry for my carelessness. I never intended for—"

"Save it."

"Excuse me?"

"Do you know what it feels like to look at your face all the damn time and know that I almost lost her? And she had the _nerve_ to be put out with me when I told her the truth! She's the only Goddamn thing I have left. The words of a callous bastard like you mean nothing to me. I see the way you look at her. It lasts one second too long to be considered normal. I would do everything in my power to protect her from a piece of scum like you. You think I don't know about your reputation? You think I'm not aware of the personal facts involving that dead model? Don't come to me with your remorse. I don't care that you're sorry. I'm sure as hell not."

Pure unadulterated rage coursed through my body.

"Do you have any fucking idea how much I—"

"Go home, Lieutenant."

The dismissal in his tone took everything in me not to lunge at him.

He didn't have the slightest fucking clue how much I loved his daughter. He never would either. I didn't want to have a single thing to do with him after tonight.

Despite his final statement, he opened the door and disappeared first. When I followed his lead and left headquarters, I found myself strangely conflicted.

Anger surged through my veins with fiery hate and resentment. Yet at the same time I found myself paradoxically guilty and shameful. One part of me felt like there was no truth to the terrible things he'd said about me, and another part of me felt like a liar if I didn't acknowledge the truth to his words.

I held the steering wheel closely. My palm was sweaty against the smooth leather. I squinted at the road through the thin curtain of rain that fell.

I found parking a block away from my apartment. I turned off the ignition but sat in my car. I wasn't ready to go upstairs and face Bella yet. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the steering wheel.

"_You're not Lieutenant Masen. You're Edward."_

That was the problem, wasn't it?

I tried to tell myself I was better than he made me out to be. I wasn't a villain anymore. I loved Bella. I gave her everything. I respected her tremendously.

I had put her life at risk several times before.

I frowned hard as that simple thought crept into my head.

She was safe now though. Victoria was in prison and Fiori was on his way there. It wouldn't be too much longer. If I worked for Eric, safety wouldn't be an issue.

_She had a bright bull's-eye on her back. And part of it was that she was a woman. They could do even more torturous things to her than they would ever do to us. At least with us they'd blow us up, shoot us, beat us, something. With her, I didn't even want to imagine the things Fiori might do to her if he found her…. She looked straight at me again and whispered "Help Me."_

It was just a dream I reminded myself. It was just a dream but maybe Bella didn't just need help saving herself from Fiori. My cell phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I reached for it without looking. I held the piece of equipment to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked tiredly.

"Edward, is everything alright? Are you still at headquarters? It's late. I was getting worried."

I sighed.

"I'm fine. I'm just parking the car," I lied.

"Oh…okay. Well, I'm here waiting for you."

"Thanks," I whispered honestly.

I disconnected.

My walk to the apartment was slow despite the steady drizzle of a light rain. I wasn't avoiding the inevitable. I simply wasn't in a rush to get home now.

Bella loved her father dearly. I couldn't fault her for that no matter what. I respected the fact she cared for him that much, especially since a relationship like that was lacking in my own life. Carlisle was amazing, but he'd never be able to fill that void.

I wouldn't be able to reconcile my own feelings about Charlie with Bella's love and admiration for him though. It simply would not be possible. I wasn't sure I could ever look at him one day and know that I made him proud as a son-in-law. Or know that he was happy I was the one his daughter chose. Jacob Black was the man he'd given that honor to. I didn't see him giving it to someone else, especially me.

Bella opened the door as I fumbled with my keys.

I looked at her tiredly.

There were signs around her eyes that suggested she had been sleeping. She closed the door behind me without a word as I walked towards the bedroom. I started to undress and grab my things for a shower. I closed the bathroom door behind me and stepped into the hot spray without hesitation.

My forehead pressed against the tile as I closed my eyes and simply thought. Bella startled me when she stepped into the shower with me and wrapped her arms around my back.

"Is everything okay?"

I nodded.

"Please don't hide from me, Edward. If something is bothering you, let me help. You'll do more harm than good this way."

I lifted a hand to my face and pushed back my wet hair. I shifted so I could turn to face Bella. Her eyes were weary and concerned. Without a word, I grabbed her and hugged her to me tightly. I needed her to know how much I loved her.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

She moved to look up at me. There was panic in her eyes.

"Oh, God," she moaned, "What is it? What's wrong?"

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Nothing. I promise nothing is wrong. I just…"

I was unsure of where to begin. My fears seemed stupid as I stood there with her; however, I knew they weren't entirely unfounded.

"Your father just…"

"Edward? What? My father what?"

My eyes snapped open.

"He'll never accept me. He hates me. You'll never know how much it kills me that I'll never gain his approval that way. Jacob…just…I'm not him."

Bella stepped back and looked at me with an expression that bordered between confusion and incredulity.

"Edward, you are _not_ Jacob. Stop it! If I wanted Jacob, I'd be picking out linens for a wedding right now. What the _hell_ did Charlie say? Whatever it is, it's not true. You _know_ how much I love you. Don't _ever _doubt that. Not Charlie, not Jacob, _no one_ could change that."

"I was going to tell him," I began as the word vomit picked up, "that I was sorry. I did tell him. I was going to tell him about us. I didn't like being in the same room as him and keeping our relationship a secret. I respected him. I wanted him to know how much I love you. But he just told me to go to hell, Bella. He didn't even give me a chance. The things he accused me of…some of them were true. I didn't want them to be. I wanted him to talk about me the way he talked about Jacob that night."

"Charlie doesn't know you, Edward. He knows what he wants to know—even more so now. He wants you to be the rogue because it's easy. Don't let him make you feel that way."

I snorted and rolled my eyes.

"Bella, everything he said was true! I can't even keep up with the amount of times you were put in danger because of my carelessness. Vanessa is fucking six-feet-under because of what I did to her. I'm awful inside."

Bella looked at me defiantly.

"That was low, even for him."

I shut off the faucet, unable to continue standing here like this anything longer. I stepped out and Bella followed suit. As I started to get dressed, Bella simply held onto a towel and stared at me.

"I'm not going to give into this self-loathing, Edward, even if Charlie's dead wrong. It's exhausting and a waste of time. When you're ready to stop wallowing, you know where to find me."

Bella walked out the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind her. I ground my teeth together. I didn't appreciate her attitude.

I sat on the toilet seat and pushed the heels of my palms into my eyes.

This feeling of anger was unexpected. Yes, I was disappointed in myself, but I was mostly upset about how Bella reacted. It felt like she didn't take my fears seriously. No matter how much faith she had in me, there were facts that could not be argued with. This defiance from her felt like she was being naïve.

I ran a hand through my hair and dropped it back in my lap.

Bella was quiet in the other room.

I looked up towards the bathroom door, hoping that maybe I could apologize or that seeing her would dispel this ridiculous frustration. I knew deep down I couldn't stay mad at her for long. It had been that way from the moment I met her.

As my eyes traveled upward, I noticed a dark spot on my hand. I looked back down and noticed several strands of hair in my palm. I clenched my hand, willing the hair to disappear and hiding from the truth. The water rushed out of the faucet from the sink as I flicked it on and drowned the hairs down the drain. A shaking hand returned to the faucet as I turned it off and scowled at the sink.

Quietly, Bella knocked on the door.

"Edward? I'm sorry for snapping. Can I come in? I'm worried about you."

I swallowed. A blind hand opened the door behind me. I turned around and Bella looked at me a bit sheepishly. My eyes drifted back to the sink.

"I meant what I said. I don't want you beating yourself up. I just wish I could have communicated that a little more effectively. I don't want us to fight about this. Charlie shouldn't drive a wedge between us, especially when he's not even aware of an 'us.'"

"Bella, I'm losing my hair," I whispered.

"What? Edward, did you even hear me?"

"Bella," I said a little louder, "I'm _losing_ my hair."

"What are you talking about? I don't see any bald spots," she argued as she stepped in front of me and started fluffing my hair.

I stared at the sink manically.

"I'm sure it's just a fluke. Look," she said as she ran her hands through my hair.

Her hands returned to her chest and they were covered with loose strands.

"Oh…"

I finally turned from the sink and walked into the bedroom. I crawled into bed wordlessly and shifted to face my window. I could tell Bella was still standing in the bathroom. Her figure stayed frozen as the light from the bathroom passed over her shoulders and around her curves. Eventually, she turned the light off and moved.

Her face pressed into my back, much the same way it had when she followed me into the shower.

"What does this mean?"

"I'm afraid," I confessed instead.

"Afraid of what?"

"Lots of things. I'm afraid that things are going too well with Fiori right now and that it's going to blow up in my face. I'm afraid that something will happen to you. I'm afraid that I'll have to be your secret boyfriend for the rest of my life. I'm afraid that one day you'll wake up and realize I'm not worth the headaches. I'm afraid that one day _I_ won't wake up and what that will mean for you."

"We're going to be fine," Bella attempted to reassure me.

I sighed. Following, was silence for an innumerable stretch of time.

"You don't see the things I see," Bella began as she went another route, "Edward, you're selfless, loving, thoughtful, brilliant, sexy, funny. I could go on for days. When I'm with you, I feel so alive. You always keep me on my toes, whether you're pissing me off or making my stomach flutter. I look at you and never doubt how much you love me. It's kind of a big deal for such a manly man like you," she laughed.

"It would be selfish of me to say I wish you didn't feel that way. I can't push you away and need you so much at the same time."

"Edward, things are going to happen the way they're destined to. Stop worrying so much and take things in stride. Just do the best you can at your job and don't worry about Charlie. He'll know soon enough and when he does, he'll be pissed. Afterwards, he'll learn to love you. I know I do. In the meantime I think maybe you should see a doctor. Its obvious how stressed out you are. Your back is always so tight."

"I'll give the doctor a call tomorrow," I agreed.

We fell asleep that way—Bella spooning against me. I wasn't quite ready to admit how much I needed her help or help in general. I guessed it was the masculine propensity of needing to be independent that held me back. I'd already broken down enough tonight. I didn't want to lose everything to her.

Her hair was matted and messy as she slept blissfully on my pillow. I kissed her forehead and left the house a little earlier so I could go to the gym before work.

My feet pounded against the treadmill loudly. Rough gasps and grunts filled the air around me as I pushed myself harder. After I finished, I headed to the FBI headquarters per request from Stefan. I got condescending looks my entire trip there but I ignored them.

Just before twelve, I got a call from Bella.

"Hello Lieutenant," she purred.

My eyes widened. I was sitting at Garrett's desk with him. He gave me a curious look. I pulled my phone from my ear and whispered.

"Hey, can I get a minute? This is an important call."

He simply laughed and grabbed his coat from the back his chair.

"I'll tell you what, when you're done with your 'important call,' meet me down the hall."

I nodded and placed the phone back to my ear.

"Edward? Are you there?"

"Yeah. Sorry, love. I'm in Garrett's office. Your…greeting threw me off a bit."

Bella giggled. I _loved_ when she giggled.

"That's good to know."

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Well, I just finished meeting up with an old friend. I'm headed back to the apartment now and I was just thinking about you. Are you busy with work tonight?"

"Not that I know of," I replied.

I leaned back in my chair, now eager to hear about what her plans for tonight were.

"I was thinking maybe we could try something tonight."

"And what exactly is that?"

"A surprise. Come home on time and you'll find out," she teased.

"What if I come home early?"

"Nope. I want you at 6:00. No earlier, no later."

I shifted.

"I'm there."

"Good."

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you too. I'll see you in a few hours."

Jesus Christ six o'clock couldn't come any faster. Garrett was down the hall in a situation room with Stefan. There were interns and rookies flying in and out. Garrett smirked at me as I sat down.

"Who's the girl?" he asked casually.

I tensed. I made it a point to keep my relationship status a topic that was never brought up. Out-of-sight-out-of-mind was a good comparison.

"Am I that transparent?"

"Well, she certainly did something to grab your attention. I've never seen you so…bothered. What's the deal? You dating her? Sleeping with her?"

"Um, both?"

I tried to keep things vague. This wasn't the ideal place for this conversation.

"How do you know her? I only ask because well, let's face it, your reputation tends to proceed you at the department. I've heard the secretaries before."

I laughed.

"It's not like that. I could've put Stefan to shame several months ago, but I don't know…she's changed me. Is that really gay?"

He laughed.

"No. Kate is the same thing for me. I figure most guys find that one girl that does it for them. Granted, I was never one for playing the entire field, but I know what you mean. What's her name?"

Damnit. I'd avoided that first question. I couldn't avoid this one. It was too direct.

"It's not Kate," I joked.

Garrett shook his head as he continued to flip through papers. I respected the fact he could tell I didn't want to talk about it. He didn't push me.

"What're you doing?"

"Uh, well let's see…we've got a meeting setup with the nefarious Mr. Fiori today. We've uncovered a lot of shady tax activity. There are three agents in some Podunk town to the northwest, checking out the paper trail surrounding that reservation property. Stefan is putting in some requests for health records. And I'm making sure all the logistics are running smoothly."

"Is he going to federal court?"

"After what we found? Definitely. I imagine he won't be able to even refer to his empire as a business much longer. He can't ship or receive much anymore. Most of his coordinators are in prison. Once your D.A. hits him murder charges for Humphrey, everyone will know and his reputation will go down the drain. I'd venture that by next week he's ready to hang himself. What do you think?"

"I think your underestimating his arrogance. I give him 3 weeks," I smirked.

Garrett laughed.

"I have to get back to the department. Tell the Russian I said hi. I'll see you guys in court."

"Later, Edward."

I was practically dancing on the way home. Bella's surprise was sure to be a crowd pleaser.

I wasn't sure what she had up her sleeve, but if she was purring my name into the phone there was no possible way it could be bad. For my own sanity, I truly hoped it was something good. Yesterday had been one of the roughest days of the year. If I could get my mind off work for a few hours, I might not be so ready to sleep and never wake up from this nightmare.

"Bella," I called out as I closed the apartment door behind me.

My keys slid across the dining room table. I could smell something wonderful cooking in the kitchen, and Bella had clearly set the table (which we never did), but my mind was concentrated on finding the woman behind it all. The bedroom was my best guess so I opened the door.

Boy was I glad to see what was behind the door. It was completely cliché but I could hardly bring myself to care. She was sitting on my bed in a little black negligee and robe. There were unlit candles scattered everywhere.

"Welcome home, Lieutenant."

I played it cool and didn't pounce on her as much as I wanted to. I threw my jacket on the bed beside her and pulled her up. Her arms immediately fell around my neck as I circled her waist with my hands.

"It's good to be home."

She leaned up to kiss me and I tasted my second favorite thing in the world—her Chapstick. I hummed in pleasure as she parted her lips against mine. At some point, my better half must have taken over because we were horizontal on the bed. I ground myself into her and she moaned. My hand was tangled in her hair. She reached up to grab it and place it on her breast. I teased her nipple through the lace and satin.

"Shit, wait! The…food," Bella struggled to speak.

"I don't care," I lied. I actually _was_ hungry.

"No. It took me forever," she protested breathily.

I groaned and rolled over. I closed my eyes and let out a sharp breath through my nose. My cock was so hard and release was nowhere in sight.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have encouraged you."

"It's fine. Give me a couple minutes? You can go finish your food."

The distribution of weight on the bed changed as Bella sat up and disappeared into the kitchen. I ran a hand over my face, carefully avoiding my hair. I'd made that mistake enough times today to know I needed to change my habit. I still didn't know what to think about this new development.

I guessed most outside perspectives would see my reaction as a fear of getting old. It might even be construed as a fear of losing the thing that made me a conventionally good-looking person. I wondered if Bella thought it was either of those things.

Truly, I was afraid of what it meant for my health. All this stress just seemed to be expected at this point—an everyday occurrence I simply dealt with. It was a completely different thing when it had consequences for my life. I couldn't get sick now. I couldn't get sick when I had Bella's well-being to worry about.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

I sat up quickly and nodded. Bella's face was nervous and tentative. I made my way to the door and kissed her.

"I'm great. Let's eat."

Bella served me in her little negligee. I kept staring at her. Not because I was being a horny man, but because the behavior was so unlike her. She was always so balls-out. This seemed so contradictory.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that? Do you hate the food?"

I laughed.

"No. It's not that. I just feel like I stepped into the 1950s."

She frowned at me.

"What does that mean?"

"Surely the irony here isn't lost on you, Bella. I just came home from work, food is on the table, and you're ready to be at my beck and call in a black teddy."

"It's not like that. I saw how stressed out you were yesterday, Edward. I wanted to do something for you. Sex and food are not the only plans for tonight," she argued.

I raised my eyebrows at her dubiously. Bella simply rolled her eyes at me.

I was going to do the dishes with her—like we usually did—but she placed them into the loaded dishwasher before I had a chance. I waited on my bed for her. I kind of fell asleep while waiting. When she closed the bedroom door behind her, I woke up and blinked sleepily.

Bella crawled slowly onto the bed and ended with her lower half pressing firmly into mine. As she straddled me, the fogginess of sleep quickly disappeared and was replaced with an acute alertness. Her hands started at my waistband until they pushed upward. My shirt disappeared in seconds. The leather belt I was wearing and my pants came next.

She took her time undressing me. There was no rush or intention behind it. I laid there like her willing subject.

Her sheer robe came off last before she climbed off. I stared after her confusedly as she disappeared into my bathroom. She came out with several bottles filling her arms. They were dumped on the bed haphazardly.

"What is that?"

Bella pushed me back into the bed as I tried to sit up and read the labels.

"Remember last night when I told you about how tense your back has been?"

I nodded.

"Well, I called Alice for some help and decided I'd give you a full-body massage tonight."

I smiled at her.

"You're going to love it. I did a lot of research."

I rolled my eyes.

I needed to get things leveled. I couldn't have this brilliant woman wasting her life away in my apartment, researching massage treatments for me. I was mad at myself for the truth to this thought. I knew I wouldn't be selfless enough to break-up with her, but it killed me to know her talent was going to waste at my expense.

If she had stayed with Jacob…

I didn't finish the thought.

"Turn over," she instructed.

I turned and forced my face into the pillows. It was only seconds before I felt her slick hands cross over my back. The warming sensation fell into effect immediately. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the seemingly random movement of her hands. There was a method but I couldn't pick it up—the drowsiness from earlier fell over me again.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Tell me about you in elementary school," I asked.

She had told me about high school and college already.

Bella giggled and pressed a kiss to my temple.

"Okay. Well, let's see…"

Bella's voice filled the air.

She had a really nice voice. It wasn't high-pitched at all. It was actually deeper in tone yet all the same feminine.

I learned about her failed attempts at ballet in second grade. She told me the story Charlie had about the fish in his office. Bella laughed about her first crush in fourth grade (according to her she was a late bloomer). His name was Hank Welker.

If I wasn't so exhausted, I probably would have laughed for several minutes about that.

Mostly I got these small glimpses of what she was like as a child. It made me smile; however, I sort of wished I had a better relationship with Charlie, or that she had a better relationship with her mother, so I could get pictures to go along with these stories.

I fell asleep while she talked.

Her stories took on a dreamlike state as I dreamt about a 7-year-old Bella. I felt Bella crawl into my arms an extended amount of time later. I was delirious with sleep. I thought I muttered 'I love you' to her, because even in thick sleep I was sure enough about that.

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This chapter wasn't one of my favorites. Hopefully, you liked it better than I did. The mole's chapter is next and it's done, so it should be up in a few days. We're winding down here...

Rec'd Fics: _The Best Man_ by bratty-vamp (that almost made me cry - I _NEVER_ cry in fic); _Delusions of Grandeur_ by herinfiniteeyes; _Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry_ by justaskalice; _Clipped Wings and Inked Armor_ by hunterhunting. I'm also a frequent visitor at adifferentforest(dot)com. It's awesome. I wasn't a believer at first, but it's addictive. Everyone is super nice.

Review? Please? =/


	34. Chapter 34

This is not a test. I really updated this quickly.

_I don't own Twilight, but tomorrow I'll own the New Moon calendar ;)_

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**Mole's POV**

I was shaking something fierce. It was May but, Christ, it was cold.

I wrapped my arms tighter around my body, and said a quick prayer, as I entered the abandoned building. I was immediately stopped by a guard on my way in who patted me down and questioned my business. It was the first time I was outwardly meeting _him_. I guessed they wanted to be sure my lunatic brother wasn't wrong about me the way he was everything else.

I nodded him off as I made my way down the hall. I was instructed to take a right down the wet hallway.

My boots hit the floor loudly. I think I wanted my presence to be known. Not because I was cocky about this—far from it—but because I didn't want a bullet in my fucking skull. I knocked on the door in four sharp raps. It opened up and I was led into a dimly light room. There was a card table to my right and I was immediately overwhelmed by the smell of cigar smoke.

_Ugh._

My brother was sitting with a leggy brunette in his lap, taking a drag on his cigar.

His blue eyes grinned at me. It was odd sometimes to look at him and know our features were so close yet we were so different.

That psycho, Laurent Marceau, was standing in the back, completely motionless. His eyes were steely gray and fixated on the scene before him.

There were a couple of guys I vaguely recognized, one of them was Cassavetes, among the several captains and consigliore's I imagined were present. They'd come to me before when Tommy was relaying my assignments.

And then at the head of the table, underneath the light—like a fucking mob movie—sat Daniel Fiori.

I literally shivered.

The door behind me slammed shut and I flinched. The smirk on Fiori's face was funny to everyone else. But it was terrifying to me. I honestly didn't know who was scarier.

Fiori or Marceau? At least with Marceau you knew he was a madman. Fiori made it seem like he was normal, but I knew better.

"Damn, bro, you look pale. Why so nervous?" Tommy cackled.

I swallowed hard and the brunette eyed me. In normal circumstances, I'd be panting like a dog, this girl was something serious, but it sort of rubbed me the wrong way that she was here.

I looked around and saw a few of Fiori's other associates, lounging around on grimey couches, and smoking. Fiori studied me and for a moment I hoped he'd relieve me of this duty. What I was doing was so wrong, but my brother….I couldn't just let him be killed for a few gambling and drug debts.

"I understand you have some interesting news to report?" Fiori asked casually and leaned forward to stare at me.

I nodded, completely unable to speak. This was the most frightening moment of my life. What I encountered at work was nothing compared to the fear that ran through me right now.

"Speak," he commanded and this time I knew I had to find my voice.

If not, my brains would be splattered over this floor and Tommy would still get nothing out of this except a dead brother and pissed off boss.

"I…um…," I stuttered.

One of his associates snickered and Fiori shot him a fierce look. I was going to open my mouth again but he held up a hand.

"Get the girl out of here," he ordered.

The girl was grabbed, roughly, by one of the guards, and they quickly disposed of her. Tommy had the nerve to look disappointed. I was angry. He was my older brother and he was more worried about chasing some skank than the fact I was going through the fire for him.

"Continue," he waved his hand and took a sip of the alcohol he was drinking.

"Um, I…learned something about that thing…the thing that you wanted me to…inves-investigate," I spluttered.

Fiori waited.

"And I learned something…interesting…about Ma-Ma-Masen."

The fact I had trouble saying his name spoke volumes. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself.

It was either Edward or my brother. Tommy had done me wrong many times over, but he had a heart of gold.

He was my family. I needed to do this.

"Really? And what exactly is that?" he grinned.

"He has a girlfriend….her name is…is Bella. And she…she…she is the Chief's daughter."

There was a collective silence that fell over the room. Everyone was in complete shock. Even Fiori was uncharacteristically awestruck, if not stumped, by this information. He leaned back in his chair and pondered what I'd told him.

"You have proof?" he asked after a long minute.

I nodded. I probably looked like I was having a seizure.

Fiori exhaled.

"That little shit has become a pain in my ass. I want him dead, but before we do that I want to see him suffer. Tenorio's in prison and Vega completely fucked me over. My business is in ruins thanks to that over-eager pretty boy! I want that Lieutenant to beg for death by the time he's granted it and I want the girl. If she's the Chief's daughter, she's collateral damage. I wouldn't mind making that old fuck suffer too. My city is being overrun with this police scum. Bring her to me."

My head spun a bit.

Kill Bella? Kill Edward?

I clenched my eyes shut to stop the room from spinning. Suddenly my body was propelled forward, but a set of arms caught me before I really made impact. I heard a couple people chuckling and the card table move. The light above was blocked as a body assumedly hovered over mine.

I opened my eyes slowly while Laurent Marceau looked at me with a curious expression and deadly eyes. He walked away after a minute and I was still left with this cold, sick feeling in my stomach. I had this overwhelming sense he was going to bring Danny more trouble than it was worth.

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This chapter is dedicated to my younger sister who got her permit today (we won't mention how she cheated by taking the test online and asking me all the questions lol...)

The thread on Twilighted (link in profile) is open for discussion about this chapter. I may or may not be nice and reveal some teasers. The next chapter has already 17 pages written and I'm only getting started. Prepare for a bumpy ride.


	35. Chapter 35

To clear up a few points from last chapter: There will be no rape or mutilation of Edward or Bella. Last chapter also fit in chronologically with the rest of the story, meaning it happened after chapter 33 and before this chapter. Oh, and I meant to say this last chapter, Edward's Volvo is still a silver Volvo. It's just that now he drives an xc-90 like the one they're using in New Moon & Eclipse now.

Chapter Song: Soft Surrender by The Killers (the lyrics aren't meant to be taken too literally) I saw them in concert last night btw...INCREDIBLE.

_I don't own Twilight, but I do have an awesome t-shirt now that says "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier" ;)_

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**Bella Swan**

She was supposed to have some news for me. If I ended up with nothing more than what I'd learned last time, I was going to be sorely disappointed. Apparently, she had news on Edward's mole, which didn't make much sense to me. According to Edward, the mole was in prison. What possible news could she have for me now?

Either way I went—whether it was out of a disturbed need to know everything wasn't as it seemed, or because I just wanted this relief confirmed, I didn't know.

We were meeting in an underground parking lot. The scene wasn't very different, but my intuition flickered as I made my way to the building. I flipped open my phone to reread her text, making sure the directions were followed to the letter. I needed to make sure I was exactly where she wanted me to be.

I bit my lip when it hit me that I was here first. It never happened this way, and that worried me. I stood in the parking lot, wrapping my arms closely around my torso. The chill in the air seeped into my bones and I shivered. Quietness was overwhelming in this large parking lot. There weren't many cars, which I found odd.

I heard the sound of clapping shoes against the concrete and flinched.

"Isabella?"

My palms grew sweaty as my back tensed into a tight wire. I turned my face and saw an unexpected visitor.

Jay Valence was just as I remembered him to be. His blonde hair was closely shaved to his head. His glasses were thin and gave him a demeanor of timidity. There was no threat to the way his blue eyes smiled at me. A wave of relief washed over me. I wasn't sure what his business in this building was about, but he clearly just happened to notice me.

"I thought it was you. Wow. This is so random," he smiled.

"Jay, it's nice to see you. It's been a while," my eyes flickered away from his for the briefest of instants to scan the parking lot.

"It has. Where have you been? I kind of just guessed that you weren't working for the department anymore. You're not still working at the SWJ, are you? I haven't seen your column in months."

I wrung my hands together out of nervousness. I hadn't anticipated this lone man remembering me so well, and I certainly hadn't anticipated seeing him again.

"I've been doing work here and there. I resigned from the Journal. It just wasn't working out. I had a lot of…personal things going on."

He nodded and grinned at me.

"So, what are you doing here? Seeing a doctor? I just came from the dentist."

"I'm waiting for someone who's upstairs," I lied.

"Oh. Boyfriend? Girlfriend?"

"Just a friend."

His questions started to bother me as my discomfort grew. I didn't like the way he appeared to be so curious about my personal life. I knew he was a chatty man, but there was something else that bothered me and twisted deep in my icy stomach.

"Do you have to get back to the office?" I asked.

I hoped he would take the hint and pushiness in my tone, so I could get rid of him and leave immediately. There was something extremely wrong here. She was _never_ late.

"Not really. I took the day off. I wasn't sure how long the Doc would take and all."

I nodded.

"Can I interest you in some coffee or something? I'm sure your friend wouldn't mind if I stole you for a few minutes."

I swallowed and took a tiny step backwards while Jay smiled at me. He seemed harmless with his hands in his pockets and hunched shoulders.

"I really shouldn't. She'll be anxious to leave as soon as she's done and I want to get her home as soon as possible."

Jay's face changed as I lied to him.

"Look, I don't normally put myself this out there but I really like you. I know it's been a while, and I don't know you all that well, but I'd like to get the chance to know you better."

Edward's face flashed through my mind as Jay Valence proceeded to declare himself.

"I'm sorry. I can't. I better go," I started to turn and walk away when a masculine hand latched onto my wrist.

I tried to yank it back but his strength was surprising and constricting.

"Please let go of me," I said firmly.

"Bella, please don't be difficult."

I yanked again as the name 'Bella' fell off his lips and dripped into the icy depths of my body. Everything seemed to come together as this man looked at me angrily and held me in place.

I used my other hand to push him away and kicked one of my legs blindly to incapacitate him. Nothing worked as he ducked and then came after me. I started to scream but he cut off the sounds from my throat with a hand over my mouth. I struggled and flailed against his body but it was to no avail. His strength was bigger than my determination and fear.

Edward's face continued to flash through my mind like a movie reel as panic and realization crept in. All I could hope was that Jay Valence did not kill me and I could see Edward's face at least one more time. I knew the chance of saying 'I love you' would be asking for too much.

**Edward Masen**

"Go fish."

I rolled my eyes as the annoying phrase that had been repeated at least seventy times in the last half hour crept up on me again.

Emmett had asked me to come to headquarters and spend the day with him. There was a promotion in the works for him and he was so nervous he was shaking.

Pagan and Monticello were playing a game of 'Go Fish' while Trigger read the newspaper. I could see his eyes clench shut and the tendons in his arms tighten as the irritation grew for him as well. I stifled a laugh and stared at him, when his eyes opened again I smirked in his direction.

I glanced at my watch, willing the time to pass more quickly, and hoping that I could leave soon. Emmett came up with the novel idea of having lunch with Bella and Rosalie at their place, because it was closer to headquarters. Rosalie was now done with final exams and Bella was eager to see her friend.

"Trig, come over here," I begged out of pure boredom.

Trigger folded his newspaper and walked over.

"What's up, Lieutenant?"

"I need a distraction. If I hear 'Go Fish' one more fucking time," I trailed off not willing to complete the thought.

Trigger nodded with a smile as he began to tell me about the Giant's game he'd taken his new girlfriend to. I enjoyed the smile on his face, along with the twinkle in his eye, as he raved about how well she knew the sport. I applauded him for picking out such a stand-up girl. Bella didn't enjoy sports. It was just another reason why Charlie was on my shit list. He made his little girl resent anything remotely ESPN-worthy.

"Roxy is just…she's incredible. I couldn't believe it when she told me she'd never been to San Francisco before. It was worth every penny to spend the weekend over there. The smile on her face when we drove across the Golden Gate Bridge…it was priceless."

"I'm really happy for you, Trigger. What does your mom think of her? I know you two are close."

"It was rough at first. I've worked my ass off my entire life and my mother thinks no girl is worth my time. Roxanne has charmed her though. They call each other when I'm not around and now she even cooks my mom's recipes. It's kind of scary sometimes," he laughed uneasily.

"Appreciate every second of it," I warned even though he couldn't fathom why I was so wistful.

I wished Bella and Esme lived close enough to depend on each other that much. I could see how much Bella had come to love my mother, and it killed me that I couldn't do more to strengthen their relationship. My biggest issue as a man was feeling that I held Bella back from a lot of things. A vibration in my jacket alerted me. I reached in, retrieving the silver object, and flipped it open to read a text.

_I have an emergency I need to take care of. Don't wait up for me at Emmett's. I probably won't make it. Sorry! Xoxo_

A grimace distorted the lines of my face. I looked up when I realized Trigger was probably staring at me. His face showed his apprehension and confusion, because he was oblivious to what could make me that upset.

"Sorry, Trigger. I just got some bad news."

"Is everything okay? I mean it's not work or family, is it?"

I shook my head—it was the one thing that was more important than either of those two.

"I gotta talk to Emmett for a minute. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Lieutenant."

I waved him off and walked down the hallway, not entirely sure I was feeling up to lunch anymore.

I was kind of mad at her. We'd had these plans for a week and she assured me she was excited for it. Bella and I hardly got time to be a carefree couple or see people other than each other. She wasn't working, so I honestly couldn't see what the big emergency was. There were no officers gossiping about something being wrong with Charlie. I could only guess that maybe there was an issue with her mother, but I hoped Bella would at least warn me before she left the state.

I knocked on Emmett's door, praying that he was done with this conference-call he was doing.

"Come in," he shouted.

The door clicked shut behind me as I grabbed a chair and planted myself.

"Shit. What crawled up _your_ ass and died?"

"Bella's not coming to lunch. She sent me a text, claiming she's got an emergency."

Emmett frowned, making the dimples in his face disappear.

"That sucks. It's going to be the two of us against Rosalie. That hardly seems fair," he joked in an attempt to lighten me up, "I wonder what happened."

"So do I," I mumbled.

"You don't think anything's wrong with her, do you?"

I groaned.

"I was avoiding that line of thinking. I can't imagine something is wrong in that sense. The text was very Bella and didn't imply any stress."

"We should crack open a bottle of champagne at the house and hope she's not out buying pregnancy tests," he chuckled.

The laughter died while I glared murderously at him.

I couldn't even begin to process the concept of fatherhood, but if Bella was pregnant there was no way I'd abandon her or be upset with her. We were adults and self-sufficient enough to live with the consequences. I imagined I'd both sell the apartment and move into her place—because it was larger—or if she wanted, she could sell her place and I could look into a larger apartment.

I stopped thinking about different scenarios, getting ahead of myself was one of the worst things I could be doing right now.

"Do you want to get going? Rosalie won't mind us being a few minutes early."

I nodded tiredly and stood up, despite the fact I really wanted to sit and wallow. It seemed absurd to be so upset with Bella missing a lunch, but our relationship held that desperation and borderline obsession. I just needed her.

"Hey sexy," Rosalie teased as she planted a kiss on Emmett.

Rosalie pulled away and frowned at me, noticing the sadness on my face.

"Edward? What's wrong? Where's Bella?"

I shrugged.

Emmett and I planted ourselves at the dining room table I'd once shared with Bella earlier in our relationship. The spread on the table looked lovely, but I was suddenly without an appetite. I knew I couldn't get away with not eating, because Rosalie would flip out, but I wasn't excited at the prospect.

"Have you called her?"

I shook my head. I hadn't even considered the thought.

"And you're a Goddamn police Lieutenant? Give me a few minutes. You two can serve yourselves," Rosalie instructed as she disappeared into the kitchen.

Emmett served himself heartily, ignoring my disposition, and digging into the warm food that sat on his plate. I didn't even touch my utensils, needing to hear Rosalie's confirmation that Bella was alright before I even contemplated eating.

"Sorry, kid, she's not answering. It rang a couple times and then went to her voicemail. I'm sure she's fine. She's probably busy or on her phone with someone."

I nodded at Rosalie.

"Thanks," I murmured.

"Edward, don't be a kill-joy. You can manage a lunch without Bella."

Emmett barely spoke for the beginning of lunch due to the fact his mouth was stuffed with food. I caught myself smirking at his face eventually. Rosalie caught my reaction as well and winked knowingly. I was surprised when she simply gazed back down at her salad and said nothing about the matter.

Emmett was starting in on dessert when my phone started to vibrate furiously in my pants. I panicked, hoping that it was Bella.

"Hello?"

"Edward? It's Harper. Where the hell are you? Marceau was just arrested on murder charges by the Feds. Get your ass to the station."

"Yes, sir."

I flipped my phone shut and backed out of my chair, nearly knocking it down in the process.

"Edward, what's wrong with you? What happened?" Rosalie scowled.

"Sorry. Shit," I fumbled with righting the chair, "Marceau just got apprehended by the Feds. He's been arrested on murder charges. I suggest you get ready to leave too, Emmett."

I was readying myself for a jog to the car when it suddenly occurred to me to thank Rosalie for lunch.

"Thanks," I kissed her cheek sloppily and rushed out.

I was as glad as ever for deciding to take my car instead of carpooling with Emmett like he suggested. My silver SUV sat in the driveway, very much competition to Emmett's hulking Jeep. I sort kicked myself for getting a sedan before and not upgrading to an SUV earlier. Bella certainly enjoyed it better when we went to see Marie last weekend. It made the trip more comfortable.

My siren bellowed loudly as I swerved in and out of traffic. It wasn't the only siren I noticed the deeper I got into downtown Seattle. I thanked a higher power when I caught the spot a pedestrian had just backed out of. Harper was rushing through the precinct like a ravenous bull, his eyes wide and filled with fury.

When the Feds had started to narrow in on Fiori and take over larger details of his case, Peter Herman's wife had reached out to federal agents to nab his killer. I imagined our progress with Victoria uncovered some crucial information they were using now to bring in Marceau on murder charges. Whether the charges in question specifically dealt with Herman? I was about to find out.

"Sir?"

"Garrett was gracious enough to give me a heads up. The things our police officers uncovered last week were passed over to federal agents per request. A little elbow grease and a better CSI team than ours have concluded that Marceau committed Peter Herman's murder."

"Well, shit," was my brilliant response.

Harper laughed quickly.

"My thought's exactly. Hirsch is on my ass about how we let this one slip into the Fed's laps. He doesn't want to hear about Herman's wife or acknowledge the fact that Chief Swan did reach out for help. I think we were all hoping to nail the mole through the arrest of Marceau. I just didn't think it would happen the other way around and so soon."

"What are Garrett and Stefan doing now?"

"I suppose being ambassadors for the department. Oliveros and the other captains will fire an officer on the spot if they find them snooping around FBI headquarters right now. They got Marceau. We simply have to give it to them. Garrett and Stefan will just have to advocate that _our_ arrest made that extra bit of information they got a key factor. We might not have solved the case, but you and the team certainly gave it new light for the FBI."

"Hirsch is bitching about the media coverage on this, isn't he? Your response sounded more like a rehearsed speech than a true answer."

"It's the shit end of the stick, Lieutenant. They got the man we were after and will get to claim the glory, but hanging around them in hopes they'll throw us a bone does nothing for our reputation. Everyone that works here knows that we nabbed Mrs. Molina. In the public eye, it doesn't matter as long as _somebody _does it."

"Where's Charlie in all of this?"

Harper snorted.

"Who knows?"

I peered at him curiously as he turned to walk away without an addition to the statement. I glanced at the clock, noticing it was nearing 1:30. Besides Bella's text and kissing her goodbye before work this morning, I hadn't heard from her. It was worrying me.

I was resigned to the fact I couldn't do anything and decided to push papers I'd long been avoiding. I sat down and scanned the papers and files that littered the metal desk. It felt like my eyes might cross several different times while the font seemed to warp and the sizes appeared smaller. I blinked and tried to refocus my vision.

I probably needed my glasses, but they were at home on my nightstand. Bella had worn them while reading a book in bed. The phone on my desk startled me. I picked up.

"Seattle Police Department—West Precinct—Lieutenant Masen speaking."

"Edward? I've been trying to call your phone for like 10 minutes. Why aren't you answering?"

I reached into my pocket while Emmett waited on the phone. The device was on. The battery was charged. The signal seemed to be strong.

"What are you talking about? I don't have any missed calls from you."

Emmett groaned.

"Captain Oliveros mentioned we might need to head out for a mission tonight. What the hell is going on with Marceau?"

I explained in as little details as possible where Laurent Marceau was and why he was there. Emmett whistled lowly and clicked his tongue.

"Sucks for him."

"Is that it?" I asked with irritation.

I wanted to inspect this malfunction with my phone immediately. What if I'd missed a call from Bella? What if there was something wrong with her? Just because Laurent was off the streets didn't mean things were safe; in fact, that development could make things worse.

"I need to go, Emmett. I'll talk to you later."

I hung up and slammed the receiver a little harder than was necessary. A man at the desk across from me stared strangely at me before looking away.

I called my voicemail first in hopes that Bella's voice would be there to soothe me and relieve me of the stress I had concerning her current whereabouts. She knew me better than to go hours without contacting me, skip lunch, and not tell me where she was. Our situation was delicate and complete honesty was needed simply out of safety.

I was disappointed when the messaging system announced I had no new messages. I hung up and debated what to do next. Tomorrow I was getting a new phone.

I decided to turn the phone off for a moment and power it back up. The anticipation was killing me as the welcome screen turned back on. I needed _something_ to keep me sane. The device vibrated with seven missed calls from Emmett and a text message from Bella. I opened the text message without hesitation.

_Val hs mol_

I frowned and reread the text.

Val hs mol.

I didn't understand what it could mean. I opened up an internet tab to a search the phrase. It didn't mean anything in internet-speak. What the hell was she trying to say? My search results didn't return anything having to do with foreign language. The letters seemingly meant nothing.

I texted her back, not letting my fury with her cryptic message and absence be hidden. She was worrying the fuck out of me right now. I grabbed my belongings and went out to my car to call Emmett privately.

"Sergeant McCarty," he answered promptly.

"Emmett, I need your help. I got a text from Bella and I don't understand it. It doesn't make a fucking bit of sense. I'm freaking out."

"Whoa. Slow down. Read it to me."

"V-A-L, space, H-S, space, M-O-L."

"Val, high school, mole?"

Panic.

"Emmett, what did you just say?"

"Mole? You know like Moe but with an L so mole."

"I don't think the H-S is high school. It has to be something else. Val, val, valley, val, valiant, val, valid, value, val, Valium, val."

"Valedictorian or Valkyrie."

"No. None of those make sense."

"I should send Badger to Valence's cubicle. Maybe he knows some other val words," Emmett laughed.

Fear. Ice. Frozen.

"Valence wasn't in the office when I was there today."

"Oh, yeah, that's true. I forgot. He took the day off."

"Valence. Mole," I whispered.

"What? Repeat that Edward. Stop talking so low."

"I said Valence. Mole."

Emmett was quiet on the other line.

"No. That can't be it."

"Emmett, she never fucking sends internet phrases, or misspelled words, or unfinished sentences. All her texts make a fuck-ton of sense, because she's a Goddamn writer."

"Edward, you arrested the mole nearly two weeks ago. Victoria is in lock up. There's no way Jay could be the mole."

"Get Trigger, or Monticello, or Anderson, or somebody on that _fucking_ floor to his cubicle _right now_," I ordered.

"I can't search his shit. We could all get in trouble for that—"

"She's fucking prime meat for those crazy bastards, Emmett!" I was yelling by now, "Do you think I give a shit?! Blame it on me if I turn out to be wrong. Getting fired from the department is the least of my concerns right now. Do you think I'd even think twice if Rosalie was the commissioner's daughter?"

Quiet.

"I'll get Trigger. He can be quiet about these things."

"I'm driving there right now."

I disconnected and threw the piece of shit technology on the passenger's seat. Jay Valence was the mole if Bella was right. The only thing I didn't understand was how she'd been privy to this information and how we'd gotten it wrong with Victoria. Victoria knew things about the Fiori organization we had no idea about, not to mention all the covering up she'd did on his behalf. I tried to reconcile the two people.

Jay and Victoria.

Which one was the mole and which one was the fake?

I parked messily in a spot, probably taking up at least two spaces in the process. I ran a full sprint to the elevators, knowing that trying my luck at the stairs wouldn't even be worth it. I just hoped the stop-and-go wouldn't be so bad because it was after four already. I called Bella seven times on my way into headquarters. Each time it went straight to voicemail.

When the doors opened up to my old stomping grounds, I nearly cried out of relief. I needed Trigger and Emmett to help me make sense of this. The later it got the worse I felt about Bella's absence today. As an officer, it didn't bode well and I couldn't ignore time in this situation. As a boyfriend, I was shaking and trembling while trying to keep it together.

I spotted Trigger in Emmett's office; they were arguing over something when I came in.

"Tell me what you found," I croaked.

Trigger glanced at Emmett. Emmett sat down and looked at me helplessly. It wasn't how I wanted my best friend to look at me right now.

"Edward, you should sit down. Trigger pointed out something both of us missed. If she was texting you in a panicked state, she could have missed a button. One more push on the number four button on a cell phone and the text would've read 'Val is mol.'"

I lifted my hands and shoved them in my hair, not caring for the moment that they'd probably return covered in my own auburn strands.

"No. Why isn't she answering? I can't….What if he did something to her?"

"Sir, I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on here. Who is _she_?"

Trigger's voice startled me. I looked up at him, cleared my thick throat, and answered.

"She's my girlfriend. She's Charlie's daughter. She's Isabella Woods. She's Bella Swan."

Trigger looked over at Emmett in disbelief.

"Are you two insane?! The chief's daughter?!"

"Trigger, man, keep your voice down."

"She's with Jay Valence and he's the mole. He'll take her to Danny Fiori if he's the mole. What the hell are you sitting here for? We have to do something!"

"We don't know for a fact she's with him—," Emmett began.

"Doesn't fucking matter. There's a better chance she is. God, if that was Roxy!"

Trigger shot out of the office. I felt numb.

"Emmett, he's right. She's with him. I know it," my voice cracked.

He nodded solemnly.

"Let's go."

Emmett fell into the role of distracter, making inane conversation with people on the floor as Trigger and I raided Valence's cubicle. He had made stacks of suspicious papers or folders by the time I caught up to him. I read each paper with an undeterred focus and determination to find even one clue that might lead me to Bella or implicate Jay's involvement with Fiori.

In our searching, we found an invitation to a family barbecue covered with coffee stains and stuck to the bottom of his filing cabinet. It was luck Trigger had even seen the paper. The last name on the destroyed parchment paper was Cassiere, which stuck out to me like a neon sign. A woman's name was listed at the bottom, requesting she be called in order to confirm the recipient's attendance.

I moved over to Trigger's desk and picked up the phone, waiting on the other line for this mystery woman to answer was agony.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Lieutenant Edward Masen from the Seattle Police Department."

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I have a few questions you might be able to help me with. Are you related to anyone with the last name Cassiere?"

"It's my maiden name. I'm Anita Cassiere-Weber. Is there a problem with someone in my family?"

I squinted at the lamp on Trigger's desk.

"Are you related to a Mrs. Francesca Cassiere, legally known as Francesca Fiori?"

"Yes, I am. She's my cousin. I'm not quite sure I understand what all this is about. You said your name was Lieutenant Masen?"

"That's correct, ma'am. We're looking into an issue of the highest sensitivity in the department. I'm afraid I can't share all the details, but I've got an invitation for a family barbecue here for a Jay Valence. Did you send this invitation ma'am? May I ask if he was present for the occasion?"

"I did. I remember sending one to a Jay Valence. I don't know him and didn't get the chance to meet him. It was a request from Francesca as a matter of fact. Honestly, her son, Danny, really made the request."

"Did he bring anyone with him? Do you know why Danny invited him?"

"All I know is that he's a supposed friend of Danny's. I'm not sure how they know each other. From what I expect, Jay was at the party, but I know Danny missed it. He had an issue with work. I don't know if he brought anyone, but I know he wasn't the only stranger Danny invited. He invited another man. I think his name was Tommy. It was Tommy-something...I'm sorry but I can't seem to remember the last name."

"That's fine. You've helped far more than you'll ever know. Is there anything else you can tell me?"

"Well, I'm not sure what you're looking for, but I'll be honest. I know Danny has a lot of legal issues with you people, and I'm not blind to the shady things he does. My kids were never raised to socialize regularly with him. He's a sweet man, but family functions are the most I can manage. I don't know if my involvement has created issues in your investigation, but I truly have no idea who Jay Valence is. I can try to dig up Tommy's last name from my documents. If I find it, can I call you back on this number?"

"Yes. If for some reason there's no answer, leave a voicemail. This is Officer Fernandez's line, but he's involved with the case. You may leave a message with him."

"Okay. I'm sorry for your troubles, Officer. Please don't hesitate to call again. I'll be sure not to make any mention of this to Francesca or the family."

"Thank you, Mrs. Weber."

"Thank you."

I hung up the phone feeling a slight relief. I was one step closer to cracking open Jay's dirty little secret. I imagined this Tommy guy had to be a connection between Jay and Danny. I couldn't imagine Danny choosing Jay—of all people—out of a line-up of crooked officers, ready and willing to perform his favors.

Bella kept running through my mind. The scenes I pictured her in were not pleasant and I hated feeling that hopeless about where she could be at the moment. Each time I saw her terrified eyes and imagined her hair-raising scream a sense of dread washed over me. Time was slipping out of my fingers and I was no more than a small step further to determining where she could possibly be.

"Find anything, sir?" Trigger asked from behind me, startling me in the process.

"Jay was invited to a family barbecue held by Anita Weber. She's Francesca's cousin."

"God, this is just getting worse and worse. How could he get caught up with Fiori? Jay's always had a pretty good head on his shoulders."

"I don't know, but I don't think he went out in search of Fiori. I think someone in between, possibly a guy named Tommy, might've been the reason why."

Trigger's face turned pensive as the name Tommy ran through him. He shook his head and looked back at me.

"Valence doesn't know any Tommy's. I don't think he does. I'm pretty sure he's got a half-brother but the guy's been M.I.A. for years. I don't even think Valence knows his name."

"Maybe that's Tommy," I suggested, while simultaneously berating myself for missing the fact Valence had a potential half-brother.

Emmett barreled down the hall, shooting Trigger and I wide eyes. He covertly gestured to something behind him and continued walking past us, not to give himself away. I glanced over the brute's shoulders, noticing Captain Oliveros coming down the hall. He looked at me quickly, not really focusing on me, but seeing me all the same. It was a few seconds before he stopped himself and walked backward to reevaluate what he'd just seen—me at headquarters and on his floor.

"Lieutenant, what are you doing here?"

"I'm following up on a lead. Officer Hernandez is assisting me."

"Harper knows you're here?"

"No, sir."

Oliveros nodded before giving me a warning look. The older man disappeared down the hall and I sighed. The phone rang behind me. I flipped around quickly to answer it.

"Lieutenant Masen."

"Lieutenant, this is Mrs. Weber. I've got the last name. It's Tommy Scorpio."

I scrawled the name down on a newspaper, handed it to Trigger, and whispered for him to look it up.

"Okay, thank you Mrs. Weber. I think that's all I need for now."

"Sure. Don't hesitate to call back."

"Thank you. Good evening."

I hung up and dashed into Emmett's office. Trigger was clashing his fingers against the keyboard furiously as he typed in key words and names.

"Oh, shit," Trigger whispered under his breath.

I shot up and hovered over his shoulder to see what the latest development was. Next to a list of personal information was a picture of a man with jet black hair and blue eyes. I gasped and stepped back. I'd seen this man before. For the life of me, I could not figure out where, but I knew I'd seen this face before. It separate from the uncanny resemblance he shared with Jay. I knew that mean face.

"He's got a serious record, Lieutenant. There are several possession charges. Two assaults. He spent 7 months in prison for aggravated battery….How did we miss this? Everyone underwent a background check. No one noticed Jay's criminal half-brother?"

"They've got different fathers…different last names. If you're not careful enough, it could slip between the cracks. I'm sure no one bothered to dig down that deep. Neither he nor his mother has even a parking ticket to their name. Jay's biological dad was a police officer for three years before he passed away. No one would suspect his family had a dark secret like that hiding."

Trigger sat quietly as I fell back onto Emmett's couch.

"The awful part is that it still doesn't lead me to Bella. I can't get in touch with Jay. I don't even _know_ if he's really the reason why she's missing. For all I know, Fiori got to her or even," I choked over the next word, "Marceau before he got hauled in. She could've found out through them."

"We've got to file a missing person's report. There's no way we can look for her like this. It's a needle in a haystack."

"The person has to be missing for at least 24 hours," I repeated in the monotone voice I'd learned over the years.

"I'll get Irina to do it. Even if I have to go on a date with her, I'll do it," Trigger offered bravely.

I shook my head and stood up.

"You can smooth talk her. Even if I don't have a chance in hell of finding her, I'm going out there. I can't sit here anymore and let time pass. Emmett can handle things with you."

I started out of Emmett's office, but Trigger caught up quickly. Eventually, I heard Emmett behind me as well as I stepped onto the elevator. The three of us got on. As much as I'd like to say quietly, Emmett and Trigger were arguing over my decision. They knew trying to talk me out of it would be no use. Even if I had to show up to Fiori's estate, his office, his warehouse…_anything_.

The elevator reached the ground floor. Trigger sprinted towards Irina to file a report before she left for the evening. The next person on shift might not be so influenced by his charm. Emmett clapped a hand on my shoulder and spun me around.

"Edward, you're going to get yourself fucking killed. This is not the way to handle this. I know you're freaking out, but I need to be your voice of reason. If it were the other way around, which it has been," he reminded me, "I'd expect you to do the same. Let Trigger handle it. We'll pass over the information and police will send out a team to look for her. She's the Chief's daughter," Emmett ended in a whisper.

"No."

"Stop it! You're not going to find her any quicker than they will. She's not at her favorite restaurant or bookstore. She's possibly with dangerous and sneaky people. You've got nothing to go on except for a confirmation that Jay is your mole. Victoria's been in jail for 2 weeks. She won't know a damn thing about where he is."

"I'll tell Garrett to question Marceau," I argued heatedly, not wanting to waste anymore time.

"I won't let you," Emmett said coolly.

I rolled my eyes and turned away.

Quicker than I could react, Emmett snatched my car keys, which had previously been dangling from my finger. I turned around, looking at him with sheer rage in my eyes. I lunged at him. He promptly pushed me off and stepped backward. This time I marched up to him and, instead of lunging, I threw my fist out. I was pleased when it connected with his cheekbone.

The pain that shot up my knuckle was ignored as I went for another punch. I knew it couldn't have incapacitated him, but for whatever reason I had the upper hand and he still hadn't gotten a chance to hit me back. I was going for another, when a pair of arms yanked me backward. Trigger was holding me back as another officer went to stand in front of Emmett. My eyes darted around and I noticed several officers now congregating.

"Someone call Detective Harper. I'm pressing charges," Emmett announced, staring right at me.

I lunged at him again, knowing that if he called Detective Harper, and pressed charges, I'd be in lock-up for at least the evening.

"Emmett, you fucking bastard! How could you?! She'll die out there! Trigger, let me up! This is bullshit!"

Another officer pushed Trigger's hands out the way and cuffed me before I could make another move for Emmett. I gave up fighting against the officer, slumping and hanging my shoulders down. Emmett had won this battle. I was sure to be hauled into Harper's precinct, where I'd be welcomed with an ass-chewing and an evening in lock-up.

I glanced at Emmett, and even through my anger, conveyed with my eyes that I needed him not to fail me. The thought of living without Bella was painful to an inexplicable degree. No amount of words would be ever able to express that anguish.

Harper looked at me with disdain and fury as he yelled relentlessly about my inability to act like a mature adult. I was sitting on the uncomfortable bench of a cell while he droned on. I stared at my hands, but what I was truly seeing was Bella. His phone went off unexpectedly, interrupting his tirade.

"Hello?"

Silence. Wonderful silence.

"Yes, sir, I understand. I'll leave immediately."

"Lieutenant," Harper said firmly, making me look up at him, "there's an issue involving a missing woman. We've just gotten word she's locked in Fiori's warehouse and potentially in the vicinity of deadly explosives. You are to stay here. Sergeant McCarty will take over your usual duties. You couldn't have picked a worse time. You were supposed to be promoted to Captain," Harper looked at me regretfully.

I looked away from the disappointment in his eyes. The promotion didn't even register with me until much later.

The only part that I focused on was the missing woman who was locked in Fiori's warehouse and possibly surrounded by explosives. I closed my eyes and choked back a sob as I placed my face in my hands. Harper's feet grew quiet as the distance between us expanded.

I supposed he thought I was upset over possibly losing a promotion. Several officers passed by and gave me curious looks as I sat completely frozen on the bench. Bella was in his _warehouse_. Silent tears fell down my face as hopelessness overwhelmed me. Emmett could not fail me. Not on this one.

She was everything. We'd fought so hard to be together. I couldn't have her taken from me so quickly. I needed more time. What we had been blessed with slipped through my fingers and I hadn't appreciated it as much as I should have. Everything was up in the air now. My life was on as slippery of a slope as Bella's was at the moment. Without her I would cease to exist.

Each one of the men responsible for this should hope for death at the hands of the Seattle Police Department. I would show them no mercy at the end of this.

* * *

Please trust me to handle things. I'm sure you've realized over reading this story for the last 35 chapters that things will not always be easy, but that I do come through on resolutions.

Rec'd Fics: [First, I must thank miztrezboo for recommending Secret. Her story, _The Appointment_, is awesome.] _My Escort_ by Bratty-Vamp; _Burn and Shine_ by pulsepoint; _Handcuffs and Heartstrings_ by Britpacksuccubus; _Tides_ by lambcullen

Reviews help me gauge your response. Click the little button, please.


	36. Chapter 36

The time between updates seems to drag on forever, yet the weeks in RL tend to fly right by. I'm trying to keep a balance between both. Oh! And apparently Bella needs to get kidnapped for more of you guys to review, haha.

This chapter is shared between Emmett and Edward. It's set up much like my _Bella & Edward's Infinite Playlist_ one-shot, but not as chaotic. If it's bothersome, I apologize, but it seemed to be the only way I could write this effectively. I tend to see this story as a movie in my head. I obviously can't edit between storylines as effectively in writing.

Chapter Song: Thief's Theme (Instrumental) by Nas

_I don't own Twilight, but I _am_ going to make SMeyer even richer by buying the New Moon soundtrack ;)_

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**"The Shoot-Out"**

**Emmett McCarty**

I prayed silently as we rode in the truck. The nerves I'd felt during my first mission with the S.W.A.T. team was nothing compared to the way my stomach twisted and turned at the moment. It was easy to push away the nerves during other missions, because as an officer you became desensitized to the severity of these situations.

When you didn't know anyone directly involved either, pushing the nerves away was cake. Tonight, my best friend was counting on me to make sure the only woman he'd ever loved made it out alive. We'd been briefed beforehand that the chances were slim if the reports from our anonymous source were true.

Bella was locked away in a freezing, dark warehouse under only-God-knows-what-conditions.

The Bomb Squad had been prepping on our way down and even they stared at their commander with wide eyes. Whatever was required of them tonight would not be easy.

By now, it had been revealed that the Chief's daughter was the woman missing. The whispers and raised eyebrows added to the mounting pressure on our shoulders. Everyone knew if it was anyone other than his mysterious little girl then the whole department probably wouldn't be out today. As it were, it was still Bella and the situation was pretty fucking serious.

Edward infiltrated my focus often. I thought of the anger in his eyes when I stole his keys (my face was still slightly swollen). The anger was nothing compared to the dead eyes and despondency that burned holes into my skull. The expression on his face, while he gave up, would probably stay in my memory for as long as I lived.

A jerk nearly knocked me out of my seat as the truck came to an abrupt stop. I grunted and my men shared sour looks at Officer Tyler's poor maneuvering. We stepped off one-by-one in a quick and fashionable order as we were so accustomed to doing. Sirens sounded and gruff voices were heard yelling at one another. The warehouse was a little more than half a high school football field away.

I glanced behind the truck to make sure everyone was off when I noticed the news vans pulling up several feet behind us at the newly establish police lines. Cameras were turned on while various men and women fixed their hair, pulled out notepads, and prepped to go on-air live.

"Sergeant!" I heard Captain Oliveros yell.

I turned around and jogged in his direction. The Captain of the Bomb Squad was looking at a map on the hood of a squad car. My team waited off to the side, waiting to be dispatched. I heard a helicopter far off and glanced towards the harbor. A spotlight blinded us all temporarily before it continued on.

"Bomb Squad will enter the warehouse through the southeast corridor. The location of the woman is unknown. We must go with the option that best ensures the officers' safety. S.W.A.T. members will be sent to check for foot soldiers and bogies in high-risk areas. We're too closed in here."

"Are the helicopters sweeping?"

"Yes. We've got Harbor Patrol halting all activity at the moment right now too. It doesn't matter if it's a ferry or a dinner cruise. Everyone is at a stand-still on the water."

"And the woman is the only one in the building?"

"There's no word on the whereabouts of Mr. Fiori, but if you're implying the chances of other hostages then no. At this point we're unaware of other hostages."

A car stopped behind me and the blaring sound of its siren mercifully stopped as well. Charlie jogged out. The look on Charlie's face was one of composure, but I could tell he was trying hard not to lose it.

"I'm sorry about your daughter, sir."

I didn't join in the conversation.

"Thank you, officer. Are logistics set? Time is running out," Charlie replied with hurriedness to his tone.

"Yes, sir, it's your command."

"Send the teams now."

I went over to my group and divided them into groups as quickly as I could, making sure there was enough men to each group to effectively take out some of Fiori's men if necessary. I stayed behind at the request of Captain Oliveros. The Captain of the Bomb Squad lead his team into the warehouse as we all watched on anxiously.

There was a lone receiver for their walkie-talkies which we huddled closely to in an effort to hear it clearly over the noise of men, sirens, and helicopters. Charlie's face was a little pale and ashen. I noticed the way he swallowed repeatedly. I imagined Edward looked the same way right now.

**Edward Masen**

"We bring you breaking news from the Keller Docks downtown. A small army of police has gathered outside of the warehouse owned by suspected mobster Daniel Fiori. It's unclear at the moment what has police surrounding the warehouse, but whatever it is officers are _everywhere_. We've got reports of Harbor Patrol shutting down all water traffic; helicopters are patrolling the scene; and apparently the department has asked government officials to temporarily suspend air traffic over the area. At this point, we cannot announce any cancellations of flights, but there have been delays so airlines can reconfigure their routes. Reporters have tried to speak to Fiori and his associates but no one has been able to get in contact. Fiori _is_ on house arrest, but some have begun to wonder if he's been brought in for questioning or if he's missing."

I avoided the TV purposefully. I couldn't look at it and know what I was up against. The facts were enough to send me into trembling fits. Several times already I'd had to shake off officers that were concerned for me. No one understood my mood. While I heard them whisper about Bella, none of them knew how central she was to my present disposition.

I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what was happening to Bella right now. It was sadistic and painful, but I could not sit in this jail cell and selfishly avoid the devastating reality of this situation. Guilt and worry crushed me down to the floor, pressing my bones and flesh until the pain became numbness. I imagined my brain was on autopilot. It was the only explanation for why I was still sitting here.

"Ah, shit, we've got another call to tend to. A woman has just been found in a storage cell," I heard one the of officers whine to his counterpart, "She's supposed to be pretty messed up."

My head snapped upward abruptly. The movement must have registered within the peripheral vision of the officers, because they suddenly stared at me with wide, terrified eyes. I knew my expression was most likely manic.

That simple report could be my saving grace, despite my instincts telling me it sounded too good to be true.

One of the officers looked away slowly, though not entirely capable of keeping his eyes off me, before tapping his partner's shoulders and walking away. The other man followed, staring at me until they disappeared from my field of vision.

"Fuck, I'm checking this shit on my Blackberry…CNN and MSNBC are covering this shit."

"Where the hell is the mayor?"

"He and Hirsch are getting confirmation on some stuff first. They're going to do an emergency press conference soon, I think."

**Emmett McCarty**

"Sir, we've got four alleys to the west clear," Badger announced over walkie.

"Keep patrolling," I ordered.

"Yes, sir."

"Trigger, what's your status?"

"No bogies on this end, sir. Anderson and Dixon are checking out a suspicious sound from an upstairs window."

"Jackson, what've you got?"

"Some suspicious shells. Armstrong is checking them out."

"What've you got, Sergeant?" Captain Oliveros asked.

"Jackson has reported suspicious shells and Anderson and Dixon are checking out a suspicious sound from a window."

"Tell them to keep an eye on that window and to patrol that surrounding area. The Bomb Squad hasn't run into any of Fiori's men. They're hiding out if this is a set-up."

"Yes, sir," I replied and then relayed the message to Fernandez.

I hated having to be stuck with all the commanders and not doing field work, but I was responsible in Edward's wake. My duties in the field would be cut even shorter if I got this promotion to Lieutenant, I reminded myself. Edward still got to work, but it was mostly behind a desk. I'd only be accepting the promotion because I knew the money would come in handy when I wanted to finally take the next step with Rosalie. It still screwed my mind that Edward was going to do it so soon.

"Sir," Jackson shouted loudly.

I picked up my walkie and responded.

"We've got two suspected foot soldiers. Anderson, Dixon, and Nathan just apprehended them. They were armed."

"Take them to a squad car. I'm sending over a detective now to question them. Report your position. I'm sending officers over there. Keep looking."

Captain Oliveros sent several officers to Jackson's position and grabbed a random detective when he saw Jackson and company approaching.

The two foot soldiers were young. They looked to be college-aged young men. If I wasn't very concerned with what was going on with Bella at the moment, and the safety of my men, I probably would have winced at how roughly they were being handled.

Once they were shoved into the squad cars, I walked closer to the receiver where Charlie stood catatonically, watching the hunk of metal intently. His eyes didn't shift as I suddenly was drawn into his line of sight. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Harper on the phone, waving his arms frantically towards the helicopters above him.

I'd never seen anything like this in my years at the department.

**Edward Masen**

"This is Jessica Stanley reporting from the Keller Docks at Seattle Harbor. In the last few minutes, we've received word that the Mayor and Deputy Commissioner will be reporting from the mayor's mansion in just a moment. As you can see above me, more helicopters have been called in and they seem to be concentrated around one building at the moment. Spotlights are out and searching for what we can only guess are members of the supposed Fiori organization. Mr. Fiori is unavailable now and police cannot tell us anything about what's going on here."

I was pretty sure I had torn out every last strand of hair from my scalp.

"Aside from the footage we showed earlier of The Bomb Squad entering the building, not much has happened here. It begs the question: what is going on and why are there so many officers here tonight?"

"Have you seen anybody on your end of the street, Jessica? Does anyone in the area seem to have an idea of what's going on?" a male voice questioned.

"Good question, Mike. We spoke to several workers who turned up in the last hour or so to inspect what the fuss is all about, but no one seems to know why. Oh! I've just gotten word the Mayor is about to speak. Ladies and gentlemen, we bring you firsthand coverage from the mayor's mansion."

A heard a shifting of papers and several camera shutters go off, I assumed they were showing Hirsch and Mayor Davenport. I couldn't look up. All my mind could process was Bella was in trouble and I was _sitting_ here.

"Good evening, at 8:07 this evening the Seattle Police Department received an anonymous tip that an unknown woman was hostage in Daniel Fiori's warehouse at the Keller Docks. We received word that the warehouse was laced with explosives and the woman was in danger. Daniel Fiori, who was contacted for questioning and is on house arrest, is missing at the current moment. The police department had no choice but to follow-up on the tip and is currently searching the warehouse for the woman and to find a missing criminal at-large. Thank you."

"Deputy!" I heard several people shout out.

Teri's voice came over the TV, breaking me down, and reminding me of reality.

"There will only be time for a few questions," she announced.

"Deputy, do police have any idea who the missing woman is? It seems like a lot for a random woman."

"Sir, we follow-up on every case and tip. No person is more important than the other. We do have one woman in particular we suspect may be the hostage."

"What can you tell us of Laurent Marceau's arrest?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to contact the local F.B.I. The case is in their hands now."

"How can a man who is on house arrest vanish?"

"We're currently investigating how this severe mistake happened. Until then, I cannot give you a conclusive answer."

"Sorry, that's all the time we have for now," Teri said without sincerity.

A vicious and abrupt idea hit me. I started to think of all the ways I would go about killing Fiori and his men. I was certain I would start with Jay.

**Emmett McCarty**

"Deactivate those bombs over there," I heard the commander of the Bomb Squad direct.

Charlie choked on what I assumed was a whimper and we all looked at him helplessly. It was hard to look into those brown eyes he shared with Bella and not be overcome with such powerful emotion. Bella looked nothing like her old man, but there was this light in their eyes that they both had. Charlie's light was extinguished.

The secret I helped harbor about her relationship with Edward was hard to swallow down when he looked on at the receiver with absolute terror. I debated opening my mouth and telling him. Each time my lips parted to blow Edward and Bella's cover though, they closed right back up. It wasn't my secret to tell.

"There's still no sign of the woman," the commander's direct subordinate told us over walkie.

Nothing had happened quite yet, but I just had this sinking feeling about tonight. It might have had to do with the fact Bella was missing, or it could've just been that the stakes were that much higher. I stepped away from the receiver to check in with my team again.

"Reed, what can you give me?"

"Team Canon is checking out that upstairs window again. O'Connor thinks he saw something on the roof. The lighting's not too great. It's hard to tell."

"Do you need back-up?"

"Negative, sir. We'll call in if necessary."

"Keep me posted."

"Copy that."

I saw Detective Harper still talking to those two boys. It was clear they were scared, but they didn't seem to be willing to give up any information about Fiori or his men. The two boys had pretty simple level firearms, but that didn't mean more experienced Fiori associates weren't hiding out with more powerful weapons. After all, Cassavetes had only recently been drawn into this mess.

Tenorio was already in prison and Vega was going to be sentenced in probably a matter of weeks.

"It's probably best the Mayor stays at his estate. Are there officers on site? Good."

Commander Burgess was probably to talking to Hirsch. I figured he had already done a press conference with the mayor. We had all noticed a little uproar at one point with all the news vans and reporters on site.

It irked me something fierce that they were all hanging around here. It was dangerous for all of us and we were pretty far away from the scene. If Fiori and his men started ambushing us, civilians would only create bigger problems we weren't equipped to deal with at the moment.

"GET DOWN! HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD NOW!" I heard a police officer shout over the receiver.

I returned to the machine and noticed Charlie's hands twitching towards it.

"GET ON THE GROUND _NOW_! CUFF THOSE MEN OVER THERE!"

There were quite a few groans heard and I imagined that some of the men the Bomb Squad had just encountered were probably fighting against them. Several shots fired off and I wasn't sure if it was the team or if Fiori's men were resisting that much.

Captain Oliveros shared a nervous look with me. The scuffle continued on for several minutes. The nearly twelve of us that were gathered around the receiver listened on anxiously, waiting for an officer to fill us in on what was happening.

"We've apprehended seven foot soldiers. One team member was grazed in the ear with a bullet. Request back-up."

Everyone looked at Charlie, and for the first time in about an hour, he looked up at us. Tears pooled in the lower lids of his eyes.

"Call in the F.B.I. We need more man power. Captain Oliveros, Sergeant McCarty pull back your S.W.A.T. unit and send out officers. Those men need help," Charlie said in a broken voice.

It must have been hard for him. There had been a few moments of progress in the last hour-and-a-half, but nothing pointed to his daughter's whereabouts or well-being.

Immediately, I called in my unit and organized a less than satisfactory team of officers. They weren't going to be as good as my team at patrolling the perimeter, but I did the best I could with them in the less than ten minutes I had. The F.B.I. showed up quicker than we all imagined and I noticed Edward's friends Stefan and Garrett among them.

Detective Harper yanked them from their federal posse immediately and sicced them on the two boys in the squad car.

My men and I took off at a running start, paying attention closely to coordinates, so we could meet up with The Bomb Squad in the right position.

Nathan kicked down a back door and we filed in orderly. It was pitch black, so we grabbed our goggles and turned on our flashlights. I raised my weapon and cased the area carefully. You could never have too many eyes look over one spot in this job. O'Connor quickly noted the amount of explosives that were present as we jogged quietly down a random hallway to meet with the commander.

An officer met us around the corner and led us to the holding room. My flashlight blinded several of Fiori's men temporarily as I scanned the scene. A select few were bloodied and bruised from what I guessed was a result of their resistance earlier.

"There are tons of explosives through that hallway," I told the commander.

He nodded.

"We need you to watch these men so we can try to disengage the bombs as quickly as possible and check for boobie-traps. Sometimes these psychos lace the floor with chemicals. If the right amount of friction is placed, the bomb detonates."

"We'll keep watch and I'll send some men to look for the woman," I added.

Teams were assigned as I volunteered myself to be a part of the team that searched for Bella. I was glad that Rosalie was home and completely unaware of what I was doing at this moment. She would kill me and die to support me at the same time.

"Steady guys," I whispered over my radio.

We had to walk very carefully, so no one could be surprised by an explosive or person. I held my rifle steady, waiting for someone to jump out from the blackness. We had turned off our flashlights at this point, while relying on our goggles. Anderson took point, while Trigger, Donnelly, Badger, Ellis, Griffin, Nathan and myself followed next to him and watched out on the sides and back.

A gunshot fired and I raised my weapon, straining my vision to see where it came from. Anderson collapsed to the floor, moaning in pain as Ellis and Nathan dropped down with him to inspect his wounds. The rest of us moved forward, following the sound of where the shot originated and looking for the person responsible.

I could hear Ellis and Nathan behind us, aiding Anderson and probably looking for a way to take him back to our hub. The rest of us had to continue forward, three men short. Trigger took point this time with Griffin flanking him. I didn't need to actually see his face to know he was probably pissed off and dying to shoot whoever had injured our man with a bullet between the eyes.

**Edward Masen**

"…special coverage at the Keller Docks."

I started to think about the psychology and criminology classes I'd taken during college. I started to analyze my mental processes and wondered if I was slowly going insane. It felt like I was. The cell seemed a lot smaller than it had when I'd first gotten here. The TV volume felt deafeningly loud and I would swear the officers were turning it up louder as the minutes passed by. I tried to stop the shaking of my hands, but it was useless.

"This is breaking news ladies and gentleman. Federal agents have just arrived on scene and it looks as though S.W.A.T. units are prepping to enter the building. We haven't received word that the explosives have been disengaged and frankly it's more likely that the building is still highly reactive. There is no word on the whereabouts or identity of the missing woman still. A reporter from Channel Two was able to get closer and has reported that two young men are currently in custody and are being questioned by federal agents. The men have not been identified and it's hard to say what their purpose is.

"Oh! We've got some movement from S.W.A.T. unit. They're running towards the building. There are at least 30 of these officers at the moment. Pedestrians on the street are reporting that federal agents are leaving to inspect the building that Seattle Police Department helicopters are still hovering over with spotlights. The building has been blocked off for several hundred feet and no one has been able to get a conclusive answer on what they're looking for."

"Jessica, can you see the Chief of Police from where you're standing? Does he look anxious?"

"No, unfortunately we've been pushed back too far to get a real look at who's on scene. Police officers just keep stating that the building is highly reactive. We've actually been pushed back further since we started the broadcast, but no one will say why. One man we spoke to on the street thinks that police are worried about being ambushed."

"The idea doesn't seem farfetched," the news anchor in the studio, Mike, said.

"Police have assured us that the surrounding area is safe."

**Emmett McCarty**

Trigger rounded the corner first. I bent down to graze the floor quickly with my hand and check to see no explosive material was on the ground. I could tell by how far deep we were going in the warehouse that The Bomb Squad hadn't gotten this far yet. We all stayed extremely quiet, looking for any sound that might lead to the person who'd shot Anderson.

We were in the heart of the warehouse now, where production lines used to exist. We stayed in a tight line, avoiding boxes or things of that nature. I had a feeling we were probably in the most heavily explosive laden area, which meant the chance of finding Bella was exponentially greater.

I whispered over my microphone, splitting everyone into teams. Trigger and Donnelly broke off into a team, while Griffin and Badger became another. I was the Sergeant so I decided to fly solo.

I wanted to call out Bella's name, but I was worried about giving away my position too soon. Small glimpses of light broke through in sporadic places as the helicopters hovered above.

I decided that I was getting nowhere by walking between the explosives, so I made a careful move to walk alongside the ones to my right. I climbed over slowly and thoughtfully, reminding myself that panicking would destroy me. I needed to be collected. It was harder to maneuver for someone my size, but I tried to avoid this thought. Once I finally made it over unharmed, I let out a silent sigh of relief.

I crouched lower to the ground and used my flashlight to scan along the wall and columns. I heard faint gunshots far away, but I couldn't focus on them. I could tell by the lowness that they were far away enough that I could still concentrate on Bella.

"Bella," I whispered.

Immediately, a low moaning sound that was more feminine than masculine alerted me to my right. I walked further along the warehouse floor, getting closer to the walls. The sound of water dripping caught my attention.

"Bella," I whispered again.

The sound continued and started to get louder as I assumedly got closer. The gunshots started firing again and this time they were more frequent. I looked back towards the direction I'd come from and wondered if I should go and help. Remembering I still needed to find Bella, I decided to avoid that thought.

I passed my flashlight over the area the sound seemed to be coming from and found nothing but a column. I strained my eyes, trying to see the floor, because I knew there was no way she could have the strength to stand up if that sound was coming from her body. I got closer to the column when the sound was made again. I tensed as all the pieces fell together. It was a trap.

"Bella," I said louder.

The man behind the column turned to face me, but I lunged and knocked his head into the metal column. He fell and moaned for real this time. I flashed my light in his face.

It was Danny Fiori.

I cuffed him quickly, as he was still knocked out, and started to hurriedly search this area for Bella. If he was ballsy enough to be in this area, luring me in, then it meant she had to be somewhere around here. Silence be damned, I started to yell out her name frantically. I almost threw a crate out of the way before I realized it was a potential explosive.

"Bella, fucking answer me!" I yelled angrily.

I heard yelling, more gunshots, and distant banging of things.

I got onto the ground, feeling around blindly for a body. I was terrified that I would find her dead.

I threw my equipment pack off my body. Crawling was easier when I wasn't so tied down. The second flashlight located on my pack fell to the ground, casting the floor and adjoining wall in white light. A mop of something dark caught my eyes. In the corner, behind a large wooden box and machine was where I ended up finding Bella.

Her eyes were swollen shut. Her body was limp and unnaturally pale. I didn't get a response from her, even as a swept her into my arms and started to grab my things to get the hell out of the warehouse.

"Found the girl! Request back-up! Danny Fiori is knocked out somewhere on the main floor. We need to get out of here!"

I was running while Bella's body shook violently with my hurried pace. I couldn't be concerned about that right now. She was going to die in vain effort if we didn't get out of here quickly. The gunshots still continued on, so I decided to avoid that route and look for another way out of the building. I called into to my team to retreat several times, but no one was responding.

There were gun shells littering the floor and I had to work very hard not to slip on them. Griffin finally called into to say they were leaving immediately. The building shook and concrete from the ceiling sprinkled onto my head as I guessed a distant bomb went off. The separate route I'd taken with Bella caught me back up to The Bomb Squad and my team. Anderson was thrown over a large member of The Bomb Squad's shoulder.

More distant bombs started to go off.

As we broke through a warehouse loading door and finally immersed ourselves into the night, gunshots started to fire again. The only difference was that this time they were outside and flying past our heads and body parts. A member of The Bomb Squad's team collapsed as the rest of us ran forward. It was only then that I noticed police guns in the mix and the screams and yells of people around the scene.

The warehouse wasn't too far behind, but I figured we were at a safe distance. The helicopters had pulled back as complete chaos took over. Behind me, several bombs started to explode in succession, making the ground rumble behind my feet. I stumbled for a moment, making me catch a bullet above the elbow.

"Arrhhh!" I groaned painfully while I proceeded to keep moving forward. I could feel the heat of the bombs climb up my neck.

The most incredible part of the scene was how unaware Bella was as I carried her onward. Trigger immediately opened the door of a random squad car and I deposited her unresponsive body in the backseat. I kneeled below the car, trying to inspect my wound, and hoping to take cover. This shootout didn't seem to be anywhere near over.

**Edward Masen**

"Not much has happened still, but officers are still on high alert. We've been moved back another twenty feet and spectators are crowding the streets now."

"What's the overall mood of civilians and officers over there, Jessica?"

"Civilians, not unlike me, are simply confused and curious. Danny Fiori is still at-large and this scene seems to get increasingly larger, despite the amount of inactivity. However, the officers seem to be a little more tense, which is a phenomenon that's only become more obvious in the last 20 minutes or so."

I could feel the blood rushing to my head as I placed it between my knees. I had already thrown up twice. Each time had been preceded by a terrible image of Bella and what she'd been through today—what she was potentially still going through.

A stronger man would have spent his time preparing himself for the worst, but I was not strong today. My life hung in the balance as time continued forward and no signs of Bella came about.

"We've got a man here," the reporter, Jessica, began to say but she was interrupted by the sound of gunshots.

My head snapped upward, nearly giving me whiplash. I took practically one step before I was pinned against the metal bars of the jail cell, looking at the TV. The other officers in the precinct looked on with fright as a I finally moved. They all seemed wary of my current mental state and rightfully so.

"OH!!"

A piercing scream carried over the newsfeed. The news program tuned back to the station and Mike couldn't even hide the shock on his face.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the inconvenience. Our connection seems to have been cut momentarily," he explained, but the sounds of screams and terrified yells carried on behind him.

"NO!" I yelled as they went to programming.

I yanked the metal bars fitfully. An older officer stood up and stared at me with panic. I continued to yell and shout incoherently.

Bella was out there somewhere and my lifeline to her, which I had taken for granted earlier, was gone.

I could feel tears streaming down my face rapidly, but the moisture had no affect on the anger that coursed through me. One particularly sharp yank and pain shot up through my shoulder. I continued on anyway, ignoring the fact I knew I had just dislocated it.

The older officer ran towards me with keys to unlock the cell as I groaned and shouted. Two other officers helped him out. They tried to cuff me, but found it difficult to do so when they saw how much pain I was in. One held me down as the other checked out my injury. The other officers had switched to CNN and I could hear the gunshots continue.

"This is live coverage from the complete mayhem occurring near Seattle Harbor right now. A one hundred man shootout is taking place while suspected mobster Danny Fiori's warehouse is engulfed in flames."

I moaned in pain and frustration. A white light suddenly blinded me. I swallowed the bile that threatened to come up, before I blinked lazily and passed out.

**Emmett McCarty**

Trigger had taken off and left me with Bella, while I secured my position with her. It seemed like all of Fiori's men were out on a death mission as they ambushed the entire department along with federal agents. If they didn't die tonight, they would surely be sentenced severely when they stood trial.

It was only when Bella was in the squad car that I realized she was in a dress cut for a hooker. I searched around for something to cover her with, but found nothing. I didn't have enough time to defend her and myself, while trying to take off my shirt or jacket at the same time. It left me too exposed. Tonight I really _did_ need my vest.

I did my best to ignore the intense pain in my elbow. It made it difficult to aim my gun at times, but I pushed through the pain and fired anyway.

Bella was still unconscious in the backseat.

Panic flowed through me intermittingly as I reminded myself I really hadn't checked her vitals. Not willing to check to see that a corpse was in that squad car, I avoided the fact. I wasn't willing to face Edward and tell him Bella was dead.

I looked over the trunk of the car and noticed Trigger running off towards the alleys. I squinted, trying to see what he was doing. A bullet flew across the car and I ducked back down. The helicopters started to return. Men were hanging off the sides as they aimed their guns downward and started to fire as well. It had simply been too dangerous ten minutes ago. The last thing we needed was a shot down helicopter on top of the chaos.

The shooting started to quiet down as the officers in helicopters rapidly fired their weapons. It felt like forever before the shots stopped altogether and the only sounds were of people yelling, ambulance and fire truck sirens, flying helicopters, and boats.

I opened the squad car door, checking on Bella. Her eyes were still swollen shut and she was still freezing. I placed my ear on her chest, hoping to hear her heart beat even if it was weak. I was rewarded with the sound a faint beat from inside her chest. Deciding it was safe to leave my position, I rushed Bella towards the ambulance site. All the officers stared at her with wide eyes while I carried her towards the paramedics.

I looked for Charlie, but only found Captain Oliveros.

"Sir," my voice was thick, "where is the Chief?"

I noticed Harper look at the Captain and me nervously.

"Emmett, he's….he's been shot. They're loading him up right now."

A paramedic strong armed me before loading Bella on a stretcher. I tried to go with the paramedic, but the fussy woman did not allow me. I was about to argue when Harper pushed me back and shook his head. I ran a hand over my face as she was driven off to the hospital. I felt tears prick at my eyes. The emotions of tonight finally hit me all at once, making me extremely overwhelmed.

"I…I need to see Edward. I'm dropping the charges," I said to Captain Oliveros.

He nodded. Harper placed a hand on my shoulder, noticing my wound. He opened his mouth. I shook my head, begging him not to say anything. Seeing Edward was more important at this moment. Carefully avoiding blood stains on his seats, I deposited myself into Harper's car.

"Where's Fiori?" I wondered.

Harper sighed.

"He's dead. It looks like he barely made it out of the warehouse before the explosives started to go off. An officer found him with two gunshot wounds. It appears he was simply shot in the melee of this evening. No one knows where the shots came from. To be honest, it seems like no one cares either."

We got to the precinct quickly. Suddenly I was feeling unsure and did not want to see Edward. Detective Harper had to nudge me forward before I could even step inside the building. There was a crowd around one jail cell and it concerned me that it was probably Edward's. He was being forced to drink water. His skin was abnormally pale and ashen. He looked like the ghost of himself.

"Edward," I said quietly.

His eyes were dim, but they were able to focus on me. The other officers stepped back, allowing Edward and I a moment, while Harper lead them away from the cell. He was sitting on a bench and his arm was limp. It didn't look right to me and I wondered what happened.

"Emmett?" he asked with delusion.

"Yeah, man, it's me."

"Where's Bella?" Edward asked as reality started to set back in for him.

He blinked several times.

"She…she's in the hospital, Edward. She's pretty messed up," I confessed.

"She's alive," he whispered and I could tell he was on the verge on crying.

"Yeah," I affirmed.

"Oh my God," he cried.

* * *

I've been getting this question a lot lately...there will probably be about four chapters after this and then an epilogue. So we're clearly winding down here.

I'm sorry if this chapter was terribly cheesy and poorly written. I did the best I could with my vague knowledge about the ins and outs of being a police officer and dealing with these sorts of situations. There's a poll on my profile that I would appreciate everyone's participation in. It'll take less than a minute, I promise.

Reviews are _so_ much better than anything that happened this chapter. The button even turns green now when you click it. Go ahead...try it out!!


	37. Chapter 37

This chapter ended up having three completely different drafts. The chapter you're about to read was the third draft. This is the only draft that really got what I had always envisioned for this part of the story. I hope you guys enjoy it to a certain extent. It's sad, but things will get better.

Chapter song: Funny The Way It Is by The Dave Matthews Band

_I don't own Twilight, but nothing is worse than being Steve Phillips this week - haha ;)_

* * *

Before Emmett went under the knife to have his bullet removed, he'd gotten me upstairs to Bella's room.

The three officers standing outside, guarding her door, were officers that Hirsch had sent himself. They seemed pretty decent. Not one of them acknowledged the way I sat in the hallway, waiting for any sign that she was awake. I guessed Hirsch felt he had a lot to owe to Charlie at this moment and keeping Bella safe was one way he could make up.

That was another thing…Charlie was still upstairs in surgery. From the whispers and Emmett's grim expression, it didn't seem like the outcome was hopeful.

I felt overwhelmingly guilty about every negative thing I'd said or thought about the man over the last several months—years even. The idea that he could die…it just startled me in a way it shouldn't. It was a part of life, but I just could not imagine life without Charlie, whether he be a friend or an enemy.

Bella loved him too much. There was still so much left unsaid between the two of us. I had a sinking feeling that I would not get to tell him about Bella and I. It made me exceedingly mad. I could only imagine that most would see me as ashamed of my relationship instead of proud and confident.

What kind of man was I?

I was hoping to see Rosalie as I sat in front of Bella's door. Emmett had called her earlier as the nurse checked out my vitals.

Apparently my blood pressure was off-the-charts. A stern look from the maternal woman was enough to make me blush. I had looked away when a young doctor strolled in to pop my shoulder back into place. Emmett smirked while I groaned in pain. By the end of the visit, I had received a lecture on heart health and information pamphlets about the consequences of high blood pressure.

I threw them away.

"Edward?"

I looked up from my post on the floor and found Captain Oliveros standing above me.

"Sir," I said as I stood up.

"Let's take a walk," he suggested.

Conflict was the only word that came to mind as I looked between Bella's door and my superior. I was terrified she would wake up, potentially needing me, and I would absent. A doctor suddenly appeared behind the Captain.

"You can leave, Lieutenant. She won't be ready to see anyone for a while," the old man explained.

I chanced a look at Captain Oliveros, noticing the way he appeared very interested by my investment in Bella's health. I had a suspicion this was what our conversation would be about. I had sort of decided by the time I got to the hospital that I didn't give a _damn_ who knew about Bella and me. I nodded at the doctor in thanks before walking down the hall with Captain Oliveros.

"So, Lieutenant, care to explain why you were on my floor this evening?" he asked in a peculiar way.

It was like he knew the answer, but he wanted me to humor him by admitting I was there for reasons I probably shouldn't have been. We had stepped onto the elevator by this point.

"Victoria Molina wasn't the mole," I answered.

"Aha, I think I assumed as much after this evening. How did you come about this discovery? I presume it didn't happen through some sort of divine inspiration."

I shook my head like a little boy. I sighed before I bit the bullet.

"I'm sure it's not hard to think of a reason why I'm so invested in Bella Swan," I began.

"No. I'm rather certain it is," the Captain began in a harsh tone, "I can't _imagine_ a reason why you might know the Chief-of-Police's daughter when she was pretty much supposed to be anonymous. At least that's if you're the media, a low-level police officer, a corrections officer, or a private citizen. For me, of course, I've come to realize the uncanny resemblance between her and a certain mysterious journalist/informant. I think the thing I'm not understanding is how ready _you_ are to deal with this when everyone else finds out how invested you are in Bella's welfare."

"I don't understand what you mean, sir."

"Edward, be serious, there was a reason you kept your relationship with her a secret. Do you think just because Danny Fiori is dead the trouble has stopped for you? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say her father doesn't know about her relationship with you, too. It doesn't take someone very astute to notice how icy he's been with you since spring started."

"So you're saying I should keep things secret still?"

"No, I'm not. What I'm saying is that you might be a little more careful. I don't really think you see your current method of handing this as problematic. _I do_. The woman upstairs is seriously hurt and probably very emotionally scarred. Are you ready to have the media knocking on your door or dragging your relationship through the papers? Ms. Swan is unconscious. I think you might want to consider how she'd want this situation handled as well. There was a reason she posed as Isabella Woods."

And just like that, I was knocked to the floor by reality. As the elevator doors chimed and the Captain stepped off, motioning for me to follow, I was truly aware of what being public with Bella after this might mean. There were slews of reporters outside the hospital doors.

Cameras flashed and video camera lights blinded us as they reflected against the doors, even though they were quite a few feet away. Several nurses shook their heads, seemingly disgusted by their behavior.

The Captain leaned over to speak to me once again.

"Maybe it's _not _the best thing for everyone to know you're with her. You two aren't out-of-the-woods yet."

I nodded, understanding his advice. I wasn't too thrilled by the idea of newspapers reporting my relationship with Bella. It wasn't that I was ashamed, but there would still be this fear that something like this could happen again. If we were there, in big black-and-white, I was afraid what that might mean for us in the future.

I was seriously reconsidering how many people I was okay with knowing that I was the only man allowed to sit in front of her door and wait for her. Captain Oliveros took a sharp turn and we found ourselves in a quiet hallway.

"I get what you mean now. It's just…I'm not sure there is any way of avoiding it," I explained.

He bowed his head in acknowledgment, but didn't agree with me.

"Now…explain to me what Bella Swan has to do with Victoria Molina not being the mole."

I sighed. Jesus, this was a story to explain. I was surprised by the way Captain Oliveros was able to maintain a careful expression throughout the entire story.

"You might end up on the D.A.'s hit list if your and Officer Hernandez's search of Jay's desk puts a wrench in his case. Technically his desk is property of the department's, but if he turns up a lawyer will try to argue that the invitation was his property."

I nodded.

"Well, the charges have been dropped against you. Actually, I'm not even sure Sergeant McCarty ever had them filed. Harper was so angry with you that I highly doubt he checked on them. It was a good move by McCarty though. I have a suspicious feeling you might've done more harm than good tonight."

I didn't respond, as I was still very ready to argue that I would've found Bella. The warehouse was actually the first place I thought of.

I was still pissed about the fact Danny Fiori was dead. I wanted him to die at my hands. If I didn't end up so lucky, I wanted him to, at least, have to serve his time like the criminal he was. I felt like he got off too easy with a quick death. It only made me feel marginally better when Captain Oliveros told me later on that he was found with two gunshot wounds and severe burns from the explosion.

"So, who else knows about me and Bella?" I asked hesitantly.

"I can't say at this point. I imagine the officers outside her room are confused by your presence. Hirsch doesn't know though. I haven't shared my realization about her other identity with anyone yet. She was somewhat unrecognizable when we found her. I doubt any of them have truly realized that Woods and Swan are one in the same."

"She was really that bad off, huh?"

I hung my head. I still hadn't seen her and Emmett refrained from telling me anything about her condition other than vague descriptions. I was sort of scared of what his answer would be. I was terrified I wouldn't have whatever Bella needed from me to help repair the damage from tonight.

I was determined to try, but I was so afraid of failing her. I had done so numerous times. Who was to say I wouldn't repeat history?

"There were several lacerations and contusions. I'm not sure what happened exactly, but her eyes were swollen shut. I can't really figure out a reason why though. It's obvious he beat her up rather badly. Her temperature was at an unhealthy low as well. I'm pretty sure her body went into a state of paralysis from the extreme cold. It tends to happen when the body goes in shock."

My throat tightened as I stared blankly. His lips moved and his eyes took on a sort of sadness, but I couldn't really process much more than that. I wasn't entirely sure I had even heard everything. The room went deaf beside the keening ring that overwhelmed me. I swallowed but my tongue seemed dry, as did the roof of my mouth.

I tried to tell myself that what I _did_ hear really wasn't that bad. It could've been worse. She could have been found chopped into several pieces. Laurent Marceau could have been out on the streets for one more night and who knows what would have come out of that? Emmett could have not found her period and they could have both died in that explosion.

It wasn't that bad.

"I think I should get some air," I suggested to myself mostly.

Captain Oliveros nodded.

"I'll be upstairs checking on Anderson. He'll be out for the next few weeks. He took a bullet to the chest."

I was already walking in the opposite direction. So many people had been hurt tonight and it felt like my fault. If I had just backed off from Fiori, things might be different. I should've stayed away after the incident at the courthouse a while back. It was a threat that should not have been taken lightly. What did I expect after destroying his empire and nearly beating the crap out of him in public?

His little security guards could have shot me down right there and I would have kept going just to see him fall. I started to wonder if my obsession with bringing him down was just as bad as his insatiable greed and need to make me suffer. Maybe I had been too concerned with bringing him to justice when I should have been more concerned with protecting Bella.

And not just Bella, I had to remind myself. Charlie was hurt, too. Not to mention Anderson, Emmett, and all the other officers who'd been injured or killed tonight.

I ended up back in the elevator after a long walk around the hospital. I was completely at a loss as to how to handle things with Bella. I knew for a fact I didn't have the selflessness in me to break-up with her, but I needed to know what she wanted. I knew she loved me but that didn't mean she might be willing to stay with me after this happened to her.

If she resented me for it, it would be totally understandable. There was a possibility she might lose her father from what happened tonight and I was very uncertain about how that would affect our relationship, too. Things were icy between me and Charlie. There was no saying that Bella might not blame me for that as well.

I got to Bella's floor, but decided to hold off on going to her room. I found a pay phone and called collect to my parent's house. It was something I hadn't done since early college. Calling just before five seemed pretty rude, but I wanted to assure my mom that all my body parts were still working and that I was alive.

"Hello?" Carlisle answered groggily after several rings.

I imagined he was finished with getting the prompt to accept a collect call.

"Hey, Carlisle, it's Edward. I'm sorry for calling so early."

"What time? Edward? Is everything okay? Where's your cell phone?"

"Ummm, I had it taken from me when I was arrested. I think it's still with the rest of my belongings."

"Arrested? Edward, are you drunk?"

"No. I was arrested for punching a coworker. Emmett didn't want me to go out on a 'suicide mission' tonight. I assume you and Mom saw the coverage on CNN about the explosion and shoot-out tonight?"

"Yes, we thought you were in the mix of things. I'm guessing you weren't. It's good to hear you were safe from all that chaos. I should tell your mother. Give me a second. She's still sleeping."

"Actually I'm calling for another reason, too."

"Go ahead," he prompted.

"Bella is in the hospital. I may not have been in downtown Seattle tonight, but that doesn't mean she wasn't."

"I don't understand."

"The thing is, Carlisle, she was kidnapped. I was in the office today and somehow a mole for Danny Fiori found out who she was and kidnapped her. Emmett found her in the warehouse that exploded later on."

"_Bella was there_?" he gasped.

"Yeah," I confessed in a frustrated sigh.

"Oh, well, Jesus…Edward let me wake your mother."

I heard him whisper my mother's name several times. Carlisle explained quickly to my mother that Bella was in the hospital as I waited on the other line.

"Edward?" she asked anxiously over the receiver.

_My_ voice broke a little bit as I heard my mom's familiar voice. It was clouded by anxiety yet all the same soothing. It made me realize just how broken I felt right now. I needed someone.

"Hey, Mom. I'm sorry to wake you. It's just…I really need you guys right now. Bella is in the hospital. She's in ICU."

"Oh my goodness," my mother gasped, "Are you hurt, too?"

"No. I dislocated my shoulder and was sick earlier. I'm fine now. I'm just worried about Bella."

"I'm going to book a ticket as soon as I hang up with you. You father might not be able to come until tonight. I'll call Alice and Jasper in a minute and see if either one of them can accompany me."

"Okay. Thanks. Don't worry too much if Alice and Jasper are busy. I just need _someone_ here to keep me sane, ya know?"

"Absolutely, sweetheart, don't worry. I'll be on my way in a bit. I'll grab a taxi to the hospital so you can stay with Bella."

"Sure. Thanks, Mom. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"I understand, sweetie. I love you. Be safe. I'll see you in a few hours."

"Bye, Mom."

I hung up the phone. It hit the receiver rather loudly, which woke me up a bit. Trying to push the exhaustion away, I ran a hand over my face. I turned around and bumped into a doctor. I bent down the help pick up the files he'd dropped. The name Bella Swan caught my eye. I looked at the doctor and noticed it was the old man from earlier.

"You're Bella's doctor?"

He stood up and I followed.

"Yes, I am."

"Is she…she's going to be okay, right?"

The old man studied me for a moment.

"I'm Dr. Gerandy. You must be Ms. Swan's boyfriend or something, yes?"

I nodded despite Captain Oliveros' warning shouting in the back of my mind.

"I had a feeling. I'll be honest," he paused, waiting for my name.

"Edward."

"Edward," he began again, "she's suffering in there. Her body temperature has gone up, but she's still displaying signs of feeling cold. Her mind is playing with her body. Another thing is her eyes. I've come to the conclusion she suffered through some sort of water torture. It was pretty severe. She may need glasses in the future. Her vision isn't ruined, but it'll be hazier at times than in the past."

I pinched the bridge of my nose before nodding.

"Okay….We'll…we'll get through it. She'll be fine," I assured the doctor and myself.

"I have confidence she will be. I just hope you're prepared to deal with the psychological aftermath of tonight. Ms. Swan is still unconscious, yet her mind is already proving to be severely scarred."

"I will do whatever it takes to help her recover from this," I swore.

"And I hope that you do."

The doctor walked away. I looked after him for a minute.

The young nurse at the nurse's desk was studiously ignoring me. I was afraid she'd overheard our conversation and knew about Bella and I. There was no telling whether or not she might decide to sell her story to a news outlet.

I heard my name being called, so I turned around. Rosalie was wheeling a grinning Emmett in a wheelchair. He held up a bag labeled biohazard. Inside the bag was the bullet they must have removed.

"I feel like I'm a real man now," he smiled.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. I noticed they were puffier than normal. I looked at her sympathetically, understanding how hard it must have been for her to deal with Emmett getting shot.

It put his job in a new arena that none of us had really had to face before. The chance of getting shot was always there, but having it happen sort of created this new reality. I had a feeling she wasn't too okay with Emmett's job anymore. I really couldn't blame her.

"I can't believe you're letting him keep that," I told Rosalie.

"Ix-nay on the bullet-ay when it comes to the lady," Emmett warned through tight teeth.

I had to crack a smile at that. I grabbed the bag from Emmett, studying the metal. It was incredible to think one little thing could cause so much damage.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," I added as I handed the bag back, "Are you guys going home now?"

"We were actually hoping to wait for Bella with you," Rosalie admitted.

I sighed.

"She probably won't be up for a while. I think you guys should get some sleep. I'll call you when she's ready for visitors. I think she'll be a little disoriented, and the cops probably want to ask her what happened while her memory is still relatively fresh."

Rosalie nodded in understanding despite the frown that crept onto her face.

"Thanks for the thought. Do you guys think you can drive my car here later? I think my keys and car are in completely different places right now."

Emmett didn't look at me right away.

"Your car is still at headquarters; although, I think I might have someone check it out before I turn that thing on. I almost got blown up once tonight. I'm sure as hell not trying to do a repeat performance. Who the hell _knows_ what was going on at headquarters tonight while we were all gone? I think your keys are in my desk still."

"Don't fucking lose my keys," I warned.

"Yeah, yeah," Emmett rolled his eyes, "Did you call your Mom?"

"Yes. She's trying to make it here within the next few hours. I don't know who's coming with her. Carlisle probably can't show 'til tonight."

"That's good that you called her. I've gotta call my parents as soon as I get home."

"You do that."

"We should go, Emmett. You need to get some sleep," Rosalie said as she tried to coax him to leave.

"Alright," he agreed reluctantly.

"I'll see you two later."

"Bye, Edward."

I waved them off. I needed to get back to Bella's room.

I took my post once again. The three officers from earlier were still there. They didn't look at me once again.

Unfortunately, I started to get sleepy as I simply sat there for a long while. I started to doze off. My head was pressed against the wall behind me as I convinced myself a little nap while waiting wouldn't hurt. I was so tired I didn't even remember my dream when the voices woke me up.

I blinked quickly, trying to sit up. I looked upward and saw Hirsch barreling down the hall with a doctor behind him.

"Masen? What the hell are you doing here? This isn't your assignment. Leave now," he ordered.

"I'm not leaving," I replied defiantly.

"Excuse me? Do I have to write you up for insubordination? I said leave now."

I continued to sit there. When he moved closer, to intimidate me, I stood up. It brought us eye-level and wished for just a quick second that the asshole was shorter than me. Being basically the same height didn't give me that extra advantage that I really wanted at the moment.

"Sir, you have to keep your voice down," the doctor asked politely, "Ms. Swan is still sleeping and this is the ICU."

"She's sleeping?" I asked incredulously.

The doctor blinked at me in surprise.

"Yes. She woke up about 25 minutes ago. The nurse came to check on her."

I couldn't believe I had been sleeping that long. It was mind-blowing. Even more unbelievable was that I had a shot of at least seeing the inside of Bella's room for a second and I had missed it because I was sleeping.

"Is she okay? Did she say anything?"

"No. I imagine its hard finding her voice after being unconscious for so long. She simply grabbed the nurse's hand."

I smiled a watery smile.

"That's great. That's good news. She's getting better," I said hopefully.

The doctor agreed gently.

"Stop discussing this with him like he has the right to know. You said Ms. Swan is up. I need to speak with her," Hirsch snapped.

The doctor shook his head.

"I didn't say she was _up_. I said she had woken up. She's sleeping again. Besides, this gentleman has been waiting here for a long time from what I've been told," the doctor turned from Hirsch to me, "I understand you know Ms. Swan?" he asked me.

"Yes," I confirmed.

"Oh really? And how exactly is it that you know Bella Swan, Masen? I've been friends with Charlie for decades and I'd never seen so much as a picture of her."

"Maybe because he likes me better," I deadpanned.

"You mean liked," he corrected.

"Yeah, maybe that was in the past, but it doesn't matter. It was still true then," I added just as sarcastically.

He laughed bitterly.

"I didn't mean he liked you in the past. I meant the Chief is dead. He doesn't 'like' anyone."

"_What?_" I asked in disbelief.

"Should I draw you a map, Lieutenant, or are you really that dumb? As I said earlier, leave now. I've spoken to Mrs. Dwyer. She's given me permission to relay the news to Ms. Swan."

"What? No. He can't be," I stuttered.

"Do you think I'd lie about something so terrible? Why are you still standing here? I told you to _leave_," he yelled.

"Sir," the doctor said.

A hoarse scream from Bella's room cut all of us off. I instinctively reached for the doorknob. I threw her door open before I could even process Hirsch or the doctor.

"Bella?" I asked anxiously.

I saw her lips form my name but nothing came out of her mouth but a whispered breath. She attempted to clear her throat.

"What do you think you're doing?" Hirsch grabbed my wrist.

I turned around, grabbed him by the collar, and pushed him back outside the door. He was against the wall while two of the three officers attempted to get me off him.

"Get off me _now_," I commanded to the men behind me.

Hirsch was too frightened to nullify my order. The men reluctantly retreated.

"Listen to me; I don't give a _shit_ what Renee told you. You're not telling her _anything_ about Charlie. When the doctor says she's fucking okay, then _I'll_ be the one to tell her. You got it?"

He swallowed, but nodded. I let him go as he slumped against the wall.

I noticed the doctor was gone and Bella's room door was closed. Dr. Gerandy was rushing towards the room. He gave me a warning look. It was pretty much a given that I wouldn't be able to go back into Bella's room now. I groaned.

Hirsch walked away looking very pissed.

I paced while the door stayed shut. I tried to think about what Bella had looked like, but I was drawing a blank. Everything had happened so quickly and the lights were drawn so low that I barely got a real chance to look at her. All I could remember was a fragile body with dry lips. It was nothing like the memories I had of her.

"Your pacing is making me fucking sick," one of the officers hissed.

I whipped my head towards him.

"Sorry."

"Just stop it and you won't be sorry."

I forced myself to stand against the wall. It felt like forever for those doctors to come out of her room. I couldn't hear what was going on beyond the door. The wallpaper on the opposite wall gave me a headache as I stared. The officer from earlier sighed.

"_Please_ do me a favor and go wait in the waiting room. You're pathetic. I can't watch this anymore. I promise I'll come get you if they say you can see the Chief's daughter."

"No. I can't leave," I disagreed.

"Seriously, Lieutenant, I'm _promising_ to come and find you if you leave. I can tell she's your girl, but I can't watch this anymore. I'm afraid you'll go insane before you even see her."

Another officer nodded before I caught him. He blushed and averted his attention.

I decided to accept the young officer's offer. I took down the hallway.

The waiting room was playing the local news. I sat down, hoping to hear about what had happened with Fiori and his men. I was still so out-of-the-loop.

The channel station I had listened to earlier in the evening was still doing coverage. Apparently there were dozens of men in lock-up now. The wounded total had been estimated to be around ten, which shocked me. I was convinced it was way higher than that. All the quiet chaos I'd seen among the nurses tonight made me feel like it was much more than ten.

The death total was at two. The number would rise as soon as Hirsch announced that Charlie had passed.

That was another thing to gnaw on as I waited for Bella. As much as I hated the man at times, his death affected me. I couldn't deny that in all my fantasies of marrying Bella one day her father was the man to walk her down the aisle. Bella had just lost the one person in her life who could potentially outshine me. She didn't even have the chance to try and fight for him. She would be devastated when she woke up.

I was afraid what that would mean for me. I had a lot to do once Bella woke up. We needed to discuss what happened and how we would move on from this. I had a feeling I would need to bribe a couple dozen people to keep the Woods thing a secret. Not to mention I had no idea how I was going to explain Charlie. I was pretty sure he left everything in her name, but Bella had a collection of decisions to make herself.

My instinct told me that this time, while Bella was asleep and recovering from last night, would be our only breather. Once she woke up, the questions would start. What had happened to her would be number one.

"Lieutenant," the young officer alerted me.

I stood up abruptly.

"She's asking for you," he explained as I tore down the hallway.

Dr. Gerandy stopped me before I entered Bella's room.

"Take it easy, son. You need to be relaxed and composed. Ms. Swan will be able to detect all your emotions. The anxiety and tension will do her no good. Please keep things light for now. I think I'd like to put off the bad news for a bit. She's still rather groggy."

I consented to his request, nodding my head in understanding.

"Absolutely. Can I go in?"

"Yes."

I pushed the knob down, sending the door forward slowly. I could hear the heart monitor beep slowly but normally. The lights were low in Bella's room.

I finally caught sight of her frail body covered in bed sheets. I choked back a cry and sighed, closing the door behind me.

I walked forward slowly.

Her right wrist and left hand were wrapped in gauze and several bruises covered her body. There were cuts in random spots that cut into me more than they seemed to go into her. Her eyes were still swollen. I remembered what the doctor had said about water torture, but I prayed to God that Danny hadn't hit her.

"Bella," I whispered.

She shifted and her lips parted.

"Edward?" she asked tiredly. Her voice was still grainy.

"Yeah, baby, it's me."

I walked closer to her more quickly so I could reach out to hold her hand.

"Edward," she said again and her voice broke into a cry.

"I'm here," I promised as I kissed her weak hand.

Bella tried to part her eyelids, but was unable to do so. They simply separated, revealing two slits.

"I can't see you," Bella cried.

I placed a hand on her cheek, trying to catch the tears that were already falling quietly.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're still a little swollen there, love."

"Come closer," she begged.

I let go of her for a split second as I grabbed a chair to get closer. I took her hands in mine as I placed my head next to her stomach.

"I'm so sorry," I cried to her.

"It's not your fault. I should've left as soon as I realized something was wrong."

I shook my head as tears spilled onto Bella's blanket. One of Bella's hands left mine. She threaded it into my hair and ran her fingers downward.

"I was so scared," she whispered, "I was scared I wouldn't see you again."

"Don't say that. Let's not talk about that right now."

I was afraid her questions would start leading into Charlie territory and the doctor had warned me. I didn't want to ruin my chances of seeing her. I simply held onto her, reminding myself that this was real. I was so terrified earlier tonight that I would never be able to hold her like this again.

It helped to reassure me that she seemed receptive to my affection. Another fear was that she would resent me for what happened.

"I'm so glad you're here. I thought I heard you earlier and then you disappeared. I thought I was hallucinating again."

"I'm here. I've been here for hours. I would never leave you. I should have been there earlier tonight. I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Stop. It wasn't your fault. You know it wasn't."

I was tempted to argue with her but I didn't. I would get caught up in the moment and Bella would agitate her injuries. Both of us were too hot-headed to back down from a fight when we felt we were right.

I ran my fingertips softly against her forearm.

"How do you feel?" I asked softly.

"Not so good," she responded and I was pleased she was being honest about it. "I know I'm bruised. I feel sore in a lot of places. My body feels kind of funny, too. I'm not really sure how bad I am though. The doctors didn't really say."

"You're okay. You'll be fine. It's nothing we can't handle," I told her.

"I know. We can handle it," she murmured.

I could hear the drowsiness from earlier creeping back in. I wondered if she was tired.

"You should get some rest," I suggested.

Bella nodded and surprisingly didn't argue.

"I love you," she whispered as she shifted to get some rest.

"I love you, too."

I leaned up to kiss her nose softly. I didn't move from my post at her bed. My head simply found a spot next to her side. I closed my eyes with her as I decided to concede to the exhaustion I felt.

Bella's hand eventually stilled on my neck as her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. I continued to rub her hands, but she didn't seem to notice. Eventually I fell asleep, too.

This time I remembered my dream though. I was surprised at what a benign dream it seemed to be.

I was fishing with Charlie on a lake I'd never been to. I figured I'd made the mental picture with a lake I'd seen in a movie or something.

He was quiet and so was I.

My mind started to wander as I debated whether or not Charlie knew I was fishing with him. He would throw out his line, sit, wait, and stare out onto the lake quietly. I did the same, too. It confused me, because I knew I wanted to break the silence. Yet I could not speak.

The dream continued on like that until someone woke me. A shaking to my shoulder startled me as I blinked sleepily. I looked up to the person responsible, realizing it was Captain Oliveros.

"Captain?" I whispered hoarsely.

I cleared my throat. I looked at Bella quickly and I was relieved to see she was still sleeping. He motioned me to follow him outside while I noticed Dr. Gerandy and another unknown doctor waiting in the hall. They entered as we left.

"Your mother is here?" he asked confusedly.

"My mom….Oh! My mom! Yes, she was flying out to see Bella."

Captain Oliveros gave me a dubious look. I shook my head.

"One day, I'll explain it all."

"Yes, well, she's waiting in the waiting area. Strange women aren't allowed to see Ms. Swan as they please, so the nurses held her off back there."

"Thanks," I smiled humbly.

There were several nurses at the nurse's station now. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, realizing from a clock on the wall that it was now after five in the morning. Bella and I had been out cold for over an hour.

I turned the corner and saw Alice sitting with my mother in one of the chairs I had occupied earlier. Alice noticed me first. She smiled sadly at me as she stood up to give me a hug.

"Thanks for being here," I kissed her hair.

My mother grabbed me next, crying into my shoulder, and squeezing me tightly.

"I'm so glad you're alright. Bella will be okay, too."

I nodded into her shoulder. She released me after she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"How long have you guys been here?"

"Only a few minutes," Alice answered.

She was dressed down—at least for Alice that is. My mother was sporting very smart jogging pants and a sweater.

"Bella and I were sleeping. The doctor just went in now. I don't know if you'll be able to see her just yet. The police haven't spoken to her. I suppose this time, after waking up, she'll have more of a grasp on reality. When we finally spoke earlier, she was still somewhat tired and loopy. She didn't even ask me about her father which was a good sign _and_ a bad one."

"Is he here?" Esme asked hopefully.

I scratched my jaw for a minute before I answered.

"I don't really know how to say this," I sighed, "but Chief Swan died this morning."

Esme gasped while Alice's eyes widened. Her eyes started to fill with tears.

"That's terrible," Esme said regretfully, "How did it happen?"

"He was shot last night during the shoot-out. He probably would have made it if he were 20 years younger," I shrugged, not really sure if that was even true.

"Oh. Bella will be so heartbroken. She loves her father. How are you going to tell her?" Alice wondered.

"I have no idea," I said bluntly.

Esme hugged me again and I responded. Today had been real-live hell and I just needed someone to reassure me that things would get better.

"Well, Alice and I will wait here as long as they allow us to. Your father is coming in late tonight and Jasper probably won't be able to come for another two days. He's shifting patients around so he can at least make it for a two-day stay."

"I understand. This is really short notice. You guys being here is enough. I just really needed someone. I can't burden Rosalie and Emmett with everything. They've got enough to deal with. Emmett was shot yesterday, too."

Alice gasped.

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah. The bullet was pretty shallow and he caught it in the arm. There was some quick surgery involved, but he was fine. They're at home, sleeping, now."

"Lieutenant Masen?" someone asked from behind me.

Dr. Gerandy was standing off with his new associate. The new guy stuck his hand out. I shook it, but wasn't really sure if that was the right thing to do just yet.

"This is Dr. Connor. He's a psychologist. We've spoken with Ms. Swan and she seems to be much further along in her awareness than we suspected."

There was a pause as Dr. Connor and Dr. Gerandy shared a look between each other. The old man started to speak again.

"The thing is, Lieutenant…we've been told that the information regarding Chief Swan's passing is being released within the hour. The public relations division at your department thought it best not to keep it confidential any longer. We're afraid of Ms. Swan finding out before she's had a chance to speak with someone she knows. In the end, we think you should tell her now."

As nervous as I was to tell Bella, as unsure as I was of what to say, I was mostly angry at the department. Despite how much Bella had progressed since she first woke up over the night, I would have had to tell her now regardless. I had a feeling that Hirsch wanted the news to be featured on the early morning programs and that irked the shit out of me.

Charlie's death being news worthy and timely was more important than protecting the already shaky psyche of his only living relative.

As much as I didn't want to lump her in, I knew Teri had to do with this and it made me angry with her. She didn't know about Bella and me obviously, but I felt like she was better than that. The only good thing that could come out this shitty timing was that I could probably use her fuck-up as leverage for when the real problems started for me and Bella.

I was definitely going to make her pay me back for this. Her public relations connections would come in handy when I wanted to keep Isabella Woods a secret.

"Okay, sir," I finally said.

I looked over my shoulder at my mom and Alice. They were giving me remorseful looks. Quicker than I would have liked, I was standing outside Bella's room. I hesitated as I debated how I would go about this. I knocked on her door quietly before pushing it forward once again. It closed behind me softly as I made my way to the frail women on the mattress.

"Edward?"

Her eyes had gone down a lot in the swelling. I was hopeful that it would go away soon.

"My vision is kinda blurry. The doctor says I'm probably going to need to see an optometrist," she sighed.

"I know, baby," I agreed as I kissed her forehead.

I sat on the chair next to her bed. As the words jumbled together in my head, I grabbed her hands.

"Bella, there's something I need to tell you."

She shifted immediately. Her frown line appeared.

"What's wrong?"

"It's…it's about your father," I began.

"What about him? Is he angry at you? He knows now, right?"

I shook my head and swallowed.

"No," I whispered, "No, he doesn't."

"Is he okay? Is he unconscious, too?"

"No. He's…Bella your father was shot tonight. He was brought to the hospital, but…"

I just needed to man up and say it already. She could hate me for the rest of my life for this, but I just needed to be honest already. Dragging it out would make it worse.

"Bella, love, he's gone. He didn't make it."

Bella was quiet in her bed.

"What do you mean he's gone?" she whispered. "He can't be. I-I need him."

"I'm so sorry, baby. They tried everything they could. He just…"

"Oh my God," she croaked.

I circled my fingertips in different patterns along her hands. Bella started to quake a little bit as sobs from crying emerged. She raised a weak hand to her face and covered her eyes. I heard her mutter my name between her cries, but I didn't say anything. I sat there and simply made myself an anchor for whatever she needed.

"I…_oh_…I can't b-be without him. How could this h-happen?"

"I don't know. It was an accident. Lots of crazy things happened last night. No one meant to get hurt. It was just a bad scene."

I tried to console her, but I was very doubtful that it was working. I felt wholly unconvinced that anything I was saying was helping.

"I just…he's the only family I _have_. Marie barely remembers me sometimes. I can't stomach Renee. I _need_ him! Who else is going to tell bad cop jokes? Who's going to ruin black coffee? Who's going to walk me down the aisle?"

Bella was sobbing uncontrollably. I was helpless as to how to handle this, so I only held onto her.

Every couple of minutes, the sobs quieted down and then erupted again. After about 12 minutes, Bella pulled away during a quieter moment. I was crazed from all the crying. Bella crying was something I didn't do well with, especially when a sense of guilt came along with those tears.

"What is it?" I murmured to her.

"Can I just be alone for a little while? I just need some space," she asked.

Despite my better judgment and wishes, I nodded. Unfortunately, I was all too willing to give Bella anything she wanted.

"I'll be in the waiting area. My mom and Alice are here," I informed her in an attempt to cheer her up.

Bella nodded, not really responding to either statement.

"If you need me, just ask for the nurse and I'll be here in the blink of an eye," I promised.

"Okay."

"I love you," I declared as I kissed her hair.

"I love you, too."

* * *

Hard times, but I _know_ you guys can handle it. If I didn't think so, this story would have fallen apart a long time ago. Reviews are always appreciated. Apparently, you guys seem to enjoy that the button turns green now. Reviews have increased significantly ;)

I have a blog I want to write. It's still in draft form. I'll try to finish it up for the next chapter. I didn't anticipate having to write so much for this one chapter. Oh, and please understand that Charlie's death had been planned from the beginning. It was a central plot point, when I decided to continue Secret. I'm sorry to those of you who are upset with me.

Rec'd Fics: _Settler's Grove_ by Pears13 (just read it - she's wonderful)


	38. Chapter 38

This chapter has been brought to you by the cute guy at Geek Squad who admitted to liking Twilight, my dad for being the king of warranties, and the support all you beautiful readers gave me while I was away. You are truly the driving force behind this story and I will forever be appreciative of your patience and respect.

Chapter Song: I've Seen Enough by Cold War Kids

_I don't own Twilight, but if I did I would dress a hell of a lot better than SM did to the premiere of the freaking movie adaptation of my book ;) just sayin..._

* * *

Bella was sitting in her bed. No words or sounds came from her as she stared at the doorway fixedly. The quiet was overwhelming and severe. I couldn't make my lips form the questions I wanted to ask her.

Was she okay? Did she want to tell me anything? Did she not want to talk about it for a while? Was she in need of anything?

I sighed as my courage failed me again and the questions still stayed locked in my head, where they would drive me crazy until one or both of us broke. I could feel her withdrawing, and it worried me. She had only woken up a few hours ago.

To learn your father was dead, the police had arrived to get your statement and have you relive the trauma you'd been through the night before, _and _deal with everyone knowing the truth you had worked to hide for so long was tough for even the strongest person. Bella was falling apart in silence and manufactured smiles.

The fear in her eyes when the police knocked on her door earlier this morning was a distinct memory that replayed itself like a broken movie reel in my head. It went against my better judgment to leave them alone with her as she went through one of the most emotionally draining things of today, but I didn't have a choice. She didn't fight the officers for me to stay with her. What was I to do?

"I should call my mom," Bella finally said, her voice was thick and coarse.

I gave her a small nod before I reached behind my chair to give her the telephone. Bella stared at the phone for a minute and I wondered if she was almost rethinking calling her mother. I nearly said something that I would have regret, but luckily she dialed the number finally. Her hand was still badly injured, so after reaching the receiver up to her ear, she cradled it in her neck.

I started to wonder if I should leave. Bella hadn't said anything, but she might have wanted me to know without her saying. Sometimes women did stuff like that. They implied things.

"Mom? It's Bella," she worked to make her voice sound better than it sounded—it ended up being a lost cause.

I could hear her mother speaking rather loudly on the other side of the receiver. I had to question if that was any good for Bella's hearing.

"I'm okay. I promise. I just…I have a few injuries. I'm still in the hospital."

Bella began to cry, which resulted in me rushing to the opposite side of the room for tissues. I honestly didn't know why they weren't closer. I had seen Bella cry more this morning than anytime during our relationship.

"I'm sorry. I should have been there. I didn't know what was happening. He…I was still unconscious when it happened. I should have been there," Bella sobbed.

I held onto her hand in mine. I hated the way she barely responded or noticed. It made me feel useless.

"No. I'm not alone. Ed—"

Her words cut off quickly. Her mother's voice resonated over the receiver again and she sounded angry. I felt uncomfortable.

"Well, he's here for me right now, which is more than I can say for you. His mom and sister-in-law dropped everything in Chicago, so they could be here for us right now. I don't care that he's got games. It's the beginning of the season. It wouldn't kill you to miss a game. You still have the rest of the summer and fall to watch him play. If you don't care enough about me to make it out here, you could at least make the effort when we bury Charlie. He loved you until he took his last breath."

Bella was shaking, so I stood up to hover over her. My hands worked frantically across her upper body to still the quaking. Hot tears poured down her face rapidly as her mother assumedly shared her counter-argument. Bella's eyes shifted to me once as I rubbed her skin soothingly.

I saw thankfulness and need in her eyes that helped to reassure me. Unfortunately, they were gone quickly and she replaced them to look at my empty chair.

"I don't know yet," Bella said sharply, "when I'm out of the hospital, I'll be able to make arrangements. Just be sure to make room for us in your precious schedule."

She slammed the receiver down, startling both of us. I grabbed it from her before she could do anymore damage. Her eyes followed me and I thought I saw disappointment from seeing it go. In all honesty, it probably seemed like a good way to work out her frustration.

I sat back down, because I didn't want to annoy Bella. Her shakes were nearly gone.

"I-I need to be distracted. Can I see Esme and Alice now? I feel terrible that they've been waiting outside that long. They didn't have to do this for me. You shouldn't have told them."

"I wanted them to be here. I needed them, too," I explained.

"Can you get them for me?"

I shook my head.

"We need to talk about something first."

"Edward, don't. I'm sick of talking. If I have to think about what happened last night again, I might lose it."

"That's not what I wanted to ask. When you're ready, you'll tell me about the other stuff," I said soothingly.

The expression on Bella's face was one of anger. I guessed she didn't want to tell me about what happened last night ever. We both knew it was inevitable though.

How could we move forward if I wasn't let in on this painful experience? I would never know how to deal with her when it came to that.

"I want to talk about what last night means for us," I ignored the grimace on her face. "People know about us now, Bella. They know you're his daughter. They know I spend more time than anyone waiting here. What do you want of this? When we step out of this hospital room, finally, we're going to be susceptible to people who know about Isabella Woods. I need to know if you're okay with that. If not, I need to start doing damage control."

"They'll think I'm an ungrateful bitch if they know. They'll remember the columns and only remember that I criticized Charlie's job," Bella said rather immediately.

"So you don't want them to know?" I asked just to be sure.

"No," she shook her head. "I know being his daughter will come inevitably. After the drama last night, when I get released from the hospital, the department will expect me to identify myself. The public won't be satisfied with knowing the Chief died over some stupid girl," Bella broke down at the end.

I hugged her stomach to me as she shook with sobs.

"I still can't believe he's gone," she cried.

"Shh, it's okay. Try to relax, love. Don't get too worked up," I reminded her.

We stayed like that for a long time until she fell asleep again. I untangled myself from her body, so I could steal out of her room for a bit. Alice was missing, but my mother was watching the morning shows with a hint of a smile on her face.

"Where's Alice?"

I startled my mother from her concentration.

"Sorry," I smiled apologetically.

"She's getting coffee," she explained as she patted the seat next to her.

She placed her hands on my shoulders, turning herself towards me.

"Are you okay?" my mother asked, but I could tell she already knew my answer would be no.

The worried crease between her eyebrows reminded me a lot of Bella. It made it even harder for me to answer the question honestly.

"No. She spoke to her mother. It wasn't a good conversation," I replied in little details.

"What happened?"

"Bella's mother can be difficult to understand sometimes. I know she thinks the world of her daughter and she loves her to pieces, but she's not really there for her. I'm not sure if she's just not getting it or if she's really that selfish. From the tone of their conversation, I don't think she's too fond of me either. It's understandable, I suppose. I know everyone liked Jacob," I admitted sadly.

"Who's Jacob?"

"Bella's ex-fiancé. Didn't I tell you about him?"

"I didn't know that was his name," she explained quietly.

"Yeah, well, I think her family would have liked _him_ to be sitting in her hospital room rather than me. I'm sure they all blame me. It's only fair."

Esme shook her head, frowning at me.

"Edward, don't do this again. I thought you had moved on from blaming everything on yourself. What happened last night was a terrible thing that none of you saw coming. Unfortunately, the evil of that one man overcame the bravery of a lot of your officers. Bella being caught in the crossfire was an _accident_. Just do me a favor and stop. I'm sure that girl has a lot of unnecessary guilt on her shoulders right now. The least you can do is refrain from adding to it by acting like a martyr."

"But it's not her fault. Really, it _is_ mine. I should have never—"

"You can't harp over the things you should and shouldn't have done. They happened. It's your responsibility now to brush your knees off, keep walking, and hold your head up high. Bella needs you. Getting lost in your thoughts will do nothing but bring trouble. You're brilliant and I love you, Edward, but _stop thinking_. Just be there for her. You have so many things to be thankful for in this situation. The first one being that Bella is alive. Focus on the positive."

I would like to say mom changed my perspective just like that, but I was pretty stubborn. I wasn't ready to accept her words yet.

Not to mention it felt like I was talking to Jasper or my therapist more than my mother. I was immature enough to admit that this irked me. He had very clearly given her instructions on the way to handle me in this situation—no doubt using the same techniques my therapist would be using in this case.

Alice came back two minutes after we stopped talking. Her smile made me feel marginally better, because it was nice to see something so genuine and hopeful in such a bleak setting. I sat and watched TV with the two of them, but I kept an eye on the nurse's station. Bella could wake up in a minute or two hours from now.

"I don't really care for Hoda and Kathie Lee," my mother frowned. "I don't understand why they have a second program. I'd much rather watch the local news again or one of those judge shows."

Alice laughed as I smirked.

"What?" she asked in shock.

"Nothing," I smiled. "I'm glad you're here."

"Lieutenant," someone tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around in my chair and noticed a nurse holding a chart in her hand.

"Ms. Swan is awake now. She's asked that you bring these two ladies with you."

"Thanks."

The nurse nodded and then walked away. I looked back at Alice and my mother.

"Mom? Alice?"

They grabbed their bags and followed me down the hall to Bella's room. Alice opened the door quietly before peeking her head in.

"Bella," she sighed.

My mother walked in after and I shut the door behind myself. Alice was already smiling over at Bella and rubbing her arm softly. Esme stood behind Alice, chatting quietly.

Bella looked at me quickly to reassure me she was okay.

I wasn't too thrilled by the idea of them visiting her so soon, but Bella seemed to need it. I figured she probably didn't want to have to be alone with me much longer. I tried not to take it personally, because I would get sick of me after a while, too, but it was hard. I just hoped the distraction would work.

"I'm going to make a few phone calls," I announced.

Alice silently handed over her cell phone, knowing that I needed to borrow someone's.

A last glance at Bella told me she would be okay in the presence of Alice and my mother. Her eyes were already more alert and calmer than I'd seen them in hours. I supposed it hurt me just a bit that my presence couldn't soothe her in the same manner, but I was also concerned about her enough to appreciate it the same.

Emmett answered his cell phone after only a few rings and this pleased me.

"We're checking your car out right now. It should pass inspection within the hour. I'll probably get Rosalie to drop it off at the hospital. I'm not sure how Bella's doing, but I know she wants to see her."

"I think Bella will be glad to see Rosalie," I admitted. "I suppose she could use the distraction. It's only a matter of time before the novelty of Esme and Alice wear off. I don't want her retreating within the confines of her grief. I'll do whatever it takes to prevent that."

"Listen, I spoke with Trigger today. I think you should try and get in contact with him soon. More details about what happened last night are coming about. You'll be interested in what he has to say."

I nodded curiously.

"Okay. I think I can manage to steal away for a couple of hours. I don't want to leave her, but I can't leave you guy's high-and-dry just yet. You know there's going to be an entire reworking of the case after this. It'll be nightmarish."

"Make sure that you do. Captain Oliveros keeps giving me these looks. The sooner you start talking, the sooner we can make sense of what happened last night."

"Alright. I'll probably see you later."

"Sure thing. Oh! Wait!"

"What is it Emmett?" I wondered at his rushed and panicked tone.

"I forgot to tell you that Garrett called. He was looking for you. Apparently it's got something to do with Marceau. He said it was important."

I frowned.

"Okay, thanks Emmett. I'll catch you later."

"See ya."

I disconnected the call and stared at Alice's tiny cell phone.

Garrett's number was on my mind as I debated calling him right away. I wasn't sure what he wanted and I couldn't commit to being away from Bella for an extended amount of time just yet. Two hours at headquarters would be enough to get me antsy. The idea of spending several hours at FBI headquarters was even worse. They tended to get caught up in red tape even more than we did.

"Edward Masen?"

Flinching, I turned around at the sound of my name. A vaguely familiar woman came down the hall in a wheelchair. I stared at her, trying to place the face.

Deep panic overwhelmed me. I wasn't sure if this was a girl I'd spent the night with before or not. This was truly the last thing I needed at the moment.

It startled me when she stopped her wheelchair in front of me.

"Yes," I replied cautiously.

"I'm Angela Weber."

I pulled my head back.

"Do I know you?"

She smiled ruefully.

"I was your nurse a few months back—the explosion at police headquarters. I think it was your car."

_Yes._ I remembered her now. I had liked her better than the other nurses.

"I remember now. I'm sorry. I'm bad at placing faces," I smiled back and shook her hand. "Are you alright? Shouldn't you be the one checking on people?"

Angela laughed quietly but turned sad again.

"It _is_ strange to be a patient," she murmured.

It was quiet for a long moment as I stared at this woman. She reminded me of Bella in ways. If Bella was taller and more angular, I imagined she would look a lot like this girl.

"The truth is Edward I know you a lot better than just being your nurse once upon a time. My mother is Anita Cassiere and I'm Bella's informant."

I blanched.

"Excuse me?"

The officer in me immediately looked around the hall, waiting for a trap or something equally suspicious. It was empty apart from Angela and me.

"Bella was kidnapped yesterday because of a mistake on my part. There's a reason why I'm in a wheelchair right now and it has everything to do with James."

I blinked, but didn't say anything. Angela seemed to want to explain everything so I let her.

"I met Jay at my family's barbecue last month. He tried to get me to go on a date with him, but I was seeing someone at the time. I've been working as a nurse since college, but I'm also a computer/surveillance whiz. I could've made a killing working for my cousin, but I could never justify doing that line of work."

I nodded in understanding.

"I've been keeping tabs on Danny's business since high school. It started out as a cool little hobby, almost a secret rebellion against my mother, but then I went to college and started to learn more. I was a T.A. in one of Bella's courses at UW. I could tell she'd be a great investigative journalist as the semester passed. One day Bella overheard a conversation she probably shouldn't have. Long story short, we became friends. I never hung out with her, we never went for drinks or anything like that, but we kept in touch a lot. When she got her first real job, all the stakes were raised for our little connection. I started to branch out to politicians instead of just Danny.

"I've known Bella was Charlie's daughter for some time, so when she proposed the idea of doing the anonymous column for the SWJ we thought it'd be a smash. I could bring in the criminal activity and she could bring in the police aspect. Fast forward to recent months and we're back to what happened yesterday. I didn't realize this until he admitted it tonight…Jay was stalking me. Unfortunately, I lead him right to Bella, who lead him to her relationship with you. Bella had been in Chicago when Jay first started following me."

"So when she came back and you met up with her…?"

Angela nodded.

"I was on my way to meet Bella yesterday morning and warn her that Danny was planning something huge against you two. I was intercepted by Jay. He kidnapped me as well, incapacitated me, and locked me in a storage room. The janitor of the place heard me screaming through the door."

"I'm really sorry," I whispered.

She shook her head.

"It wasn't your fault. Bella and I should have been more careful. I should have never gotten so involved in undermining Danny and his business."

"No. It's your and Bella's work that helped the department make it this far in investigations. Don't be sorry for that. I'm just sorry at the price you both had to pay."

"I think Bella and I would both agree it was worth it to deliver justice. Besides if you hadn't helped as well, my mom wouldn't think to be worried about not hearing from me."

"Tell your mother thank you. Without her help, I wouldn't have been able to use Bella's text message for much."

Angela smiled and promised she would.

"Is she going to be okay?" she wondered.

"I hope so," I replied masking the tightness of my throat.

"She loves you more than you'll ever know. What I thought she had with Jacob…it's scary to think you two have something even stronger than that."

I didn't respond. I simply smiled at her.

"Ang?" I heard a male voice carry down the hall.

"I'm coming, Ben," she called back.

I looked up and saw a waifish-looking boy down the hall.

"I need to go. My boyfriend is a little worried right now," she smirked.

"Understandably," I responded.

"It was nice to meet you, Edward. I hope we see each other again under better circumstances," Angela shook my hand once more before wheeling herself back down the hall.

I stared after her long after she had gone.

Meeting her had enlightened me and astounded me at the same time. Bella's informant being a skinny brunette with no outstanding characteristics would have never crossed my mind, but I supposed that was the genius in it. I knew I really needed to see Trigger now or at the very least get down to headquarters.

My superiors had to be frantically working to piece together the new evidence and facts surrounding this case. Maybe my information from Angela would give them the necessary jumpstart.

Dialing Rosalie had been somewhat impulsive. I knew I needed to leave already and she would be my only chance at getting a set of car keys.

"I'm not dressed yet. Give me 25 minutes to get to the hospital. I'll call Emmett on the way and tell him to drop off your car here. I suppose I'll just use yours while you're gallivanting," she teased.

"Don't scratch the paint," I tossed back with a chuckle.

Bella was up and a faint smile was set on her lips as Esme talked her ear off and Alice stroked her hand. I loved that her eyes immediately met mine as I walked through the door. What I didn't like was how the smile disappeared just as faintly when she noticed me.

"I have to take care of some work things. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but Rosalie is on her way here."

My mom smiled appreciatively at me while Alice sat quietly.

"If you two need a lift to my apartment or something, Rosalie will be glad to take you. Hopefully I won't be gone long. Will you be okay, love?"

Bella nodded.

"Okay. I've got to head down and wait for Rose. I love you. I'll see you all later."

"Love you too, Edward," Alice said with an annoying smacking kiss.

I rolled my eyes, glad to see Bella smile again.

"My phone please?" Alice added before I stepped out.

I smiled at her and placed the small phone in her palm.

"Thanks," I winked.

When Rosalie arrived I gave her an uncharacteristically warm hug. Her face said it all.

"Making me laugh on the phone earlier seemed to rub off on Bella and my family. I think we all needed the tension to be lifted just a little. I'm not naïve enough to think it'll last forever, but I just want Bella to be sure there will be a day when she can really smile and laugh again."

Rosalie teared a little bit and I smiled sheepishly at her. She wasn't one to wear her emotions on her sleeves.

"Take care of her for me," I pled as I kissed her cheek and dashed out of the hospital.

Getting used to the light of the late morning was awkward. Everything had been so isolated in the hospital. I had been so alone in my jail cell that walking next to pedestrians and sitting in traffic felt strange. All the emotions, drama, tension had removed me so much from the city. It would take a while before I could feel normal.

The déjà vu of it all and the normalcy was something I found strangely unpleasant. There was so much wrong with this city and so much wrong with what was going on behind closed doors at Harborview Medical Center.

I pulled up to headquarters and decided to park elsewhere. I was being a little more cautious than necessary, but it wouldn't kill me to walk a few blocks. It's not like the car would have been any safer at headquarters.

Emmett looked haggard as I stepped into his office. I felt awful. He was probably still sore from his injury only a few hours ago and definitely not well-rested. It felt unfair to have gotten the opportunity to spend so much time with Bella while he was already back to work.

"Is Trigger here? I need to ask him some stuff."

"Ask him yourself," Emmett replied while nodding to something over my shoulder.

Trigger was equally tired-looking and his face was drawn. I didn't like the feeling I got when I looked at him. There seemed to be something haunting him, which only served to make me feel even guiltier. He closed the door behind him before sitting on Emmett's couch with a quiet sigh.

"Lieutenant, there's some stuff I gotta tell you. You won't be happy with me, but you have to promise you won't tell anyone."

I looked at him skeptically before eyeing Emmett. There was such guilt and shame in his face and it disturbed me. Trigger had been a central part in helping me solve the mystery behind Bella's whereabouts. He couldn't have anything to be ashamed of.

"Last night…when we were leaving the warehouse, I got pretty far. I had stopped a few times to get some shots in but….I saw someone trying to run away down that alley we had been checking earlier in the night. And, um, I went after them. I realized pretty quickly it was Jay. He was running after another guy, but that one was faster so he got ahead. I don't know what happened but it did happen fast. Suddenly I was just so mad at him that I could kill him," Trigger stopped for a moment to look at me with helpless eyes, "I didn't mean to do it. But I lost it and I-I shot him."

I sat down in a chair abruptly. It was like my legs had suddenly disconnected from the rest of my body and all I could do was collapse.

"He's dead?" I whispered.

"I'm so sorry, Lieutenant. I shouldn't have. He wasn't a threat. I can get arrested for it. I know. I'm sorry," Trigger broke off into sobs.

Emmett looked at him with a disconsolate expression as he sat at his desk. I wanted to try and comfort Trigger, the guilt had be terrible and reminded me of what happened to me after Vanessa died, but there was no comforting either of us could give.

"Trigger, man, I'm not mad at you. I swear," I promised despite the fact I had a sinking feeling it wouldn't mean much.

He looked up at me and it killed me to see the pain in his face.

"You can't tell anyone, Lieutenant," he begged with manic eyes.

"I promise," I answered solemnly—and I meant this, "I don't want you to feel shameful about this. I can't say that I would have acted more responsibly in your position. Trigger, you're the most honest person I've ever known. I know this was simply an accident."

I wasn't sure how safe it was to rationalize this. Technically it was very irresponsible, but I just couldn't bear Trigger going through life feeling there was something wrong with him. Or feeling as though he was this terrible person for doing something that most people _would_ do—they just didn't admit it.

It took him several minutes to get his bearings and steady his breathing. Emmett and I sat there, waiting to see if we would have to intervene. I decided to take the spotlight off of Trigger as soon as it seemed okay to do so.

Launching in my story with Angela changed the mood, but I could still see the haunted look in Trigger's eyes. It was one thing to kill or incapacitate criminals. It was entirely another to kill someone you thought was a good friend.

"Sergeant McCarty," Emmett answered as a phone call interrupted the last bit of my story.

The exasperated look on Emmett's face was confusing at first.

"Hello Garrett," he said tiredly.

I winced.

"Why don't you tell him yourself? He's here now."

Emmett handed me the receiver and shot me a warning look. It wasn't cool that he had turned into my secretary. I didn't abuse my subordinates like that.

"Garrett?"

"Edward, where the hell have you been? I called your cell phone nearly a dozen times. Not to mention I heard you were in lock-up."

"Yeah. I'll explain it all someday. What's the real issue though?"

He sighed.

"Laurent Marceau has requested to speak to you…in person."

I crushed the receiver harder in my grasp as my lips started to curl back over my teeth.

"What?" I hissed.

"He's got interesting information, Edward. I know you're dealing with a lot of headaches right now, especially with the Chief dying, but don't rule out the option just because you think he's a sick freak."

"It's more than that," I ground out.

I tried to be reasonable with Garrett, considering he didn't know about Bella, but it was hard. Try talking to, no, correction, simply sitting down with a sick bastard who could've potentially harmed or murdered your girlfriend. Seeing how fucking reasonable or fair you'll be, Garrett.

"Don't be a fucking baby about this, Edward. Talk to Harper and see if he can let you go for at least an hour. I've already cleared it with my superiors. Call me when you decide to grow up."

He hung up rudely as I rolled my eyes. Emmett took the receiver from my hand before I cracked the plastic.

"What the hell is your problem?" he asked accusingly as he stared at his abused phone.

"Fucking Laurent Marceau wants to speak to me that's the fucking problem."

He was smart enough not to respond to that.

I sighed and ran an angry hand through my hair. It was easy to ignore the strands I had caught in my foolishness.

"Are you gonna do it?" Emmett asked hesitantly, but I was already interrupting him loudly.

"I don't know! What's the use in talking to him? It'll only make me angry. If there was something I needed to know, surely it would be released eventually."

I had stood up during my rant and started to pace Emmett's small office. Trigger had his head on his knees and was staring down at the floor. Emmett just ignored me and tried not to take my hostility too seriously. Getting worked up was easy and I was trying to calm myself down.

"I think you should," Emmett said quietly.

"I don't know if I can…I don't know if I can handle it," I confessed as my voice broke.

"Do it. Do it for, Bella. Do it for, Charlie. We need answers and I'm afraid you're the only who'll get them. He needs to stay behind bars for the rest of his miserable life."

Already knowing all this was true, I nodded. Steeling myself for what was ahead was a difficult thing to start doing. I took a deep breath.

"You should stop by the hospital when you get a chance. Bella needs to smile more," I told him.

Emmett nodded understandingly. I turned around to face Trigger, more grateful to him than he would ever know.

"When she's feeling a little better, I know she'll want to meet you, too."

He seemed taken aback by my declaration. I let it hang in the air without another word as I stole out of Emmett's office and made my way back to Rosalie's car.

The drive to FBI headquarters wasn't too long but passed in the blink of an eye. Before I wanted to be there, I was getting checked out and scrutinized by FBI agents. I wished that I had thought to call Garrett down. I knew the extra pat downs were simply because they knew I was an officer. Feeling so helpless was an uneasy sentiment.

Garrett had something of a knowing look on his face as I walked down his hall. Stefan was nowhere to be seen and this disappointed me.

"I had a feeling you would show. I'm glad you did. I think it's important to do this," he said in a professional tone.

It was devoid of emotion yet not entirely rude or callous.

"Follow me. He's in interrogation room two," Garrett instructed.

Quietly, I followed him to the interrogation room. I didn't feel the need to speak. Garrett didn't feel the need either it seemed. He stopped abruptly and unfortunately I didn't notice it, so I bumped it him. I mumbled my apology as he gave me a strange look.

"You okay, Edward?"

"Just a little distracted," I admitted.

He nodded.

"Stefan disappeared to get some papers, but him and me and some other officers will be right behind the door if you need us. I know you don't care for him and that you're stressed, but just take it easy."

I didn't get to respond as he entered a code and opened the door. He ushered me forward and I stepped into the brightly lit room.

Laurent Marceau looked sickeningly pale as he sat with a bored expression. The table before him was made of pure steel and looked dangerous—almost exactly a replica of the way he looked.

A violent thought of banging his head into the table overcame me. Fortunately, I was able to push it away. I sat despite my desire not to.

Laurent cocked his head slightly, studying me with his steely gray eyes. I was defensive and my eyes instinctively tightened. I wasn't sure what he was looking for and that annoyed me deeply.

"Just get to the fucking point. I don't have time for your cryptic bullshit," I spat.

An amused half-smile slid slyly and lethally onto his face.

"You've always been a colorful character, Lieutenant."

I clenched my fists, willing myself to calm down and resist the urge to rip his head from his body. When he saw I wouldn't play into his weird statement, he sighed and seemed to get focused.

"I've been hoping to speak to you. I didn't think you would agree so quickly. This is promising," he smiled yet again.

"Why's that?" I asked noncommittally.

"I wish to explain my involvement of course. It would not please you to know this, but I am highly disappointed that my past indiscretions kept me from the _fireworks_ of last night. I would trade all the other women to have gotten the chance to know your Isabella."

Fire pulsed through my veins with lightening speed and fury. If I bit my tongue any harder I was sure to bleed.

"From what I understand she is quite the beauty. Not to mention her reputation seems to precede her. James Valence was all too eager to divulge to Daniel about her fiery personality. No doubt a trait I'm sure you find attractive."

I didn't know the reason why, and I guessed I never would, but for a second my eyes drifted from his. This momentary distraction reminded me of the fact I was in FBI headquarters, no doubt being recorded by their tapes, as Laurent Marceau spoke about my relationship with Bella. I needed this conversation to stop immediately.

I stood up and the chair I had been sitting in protested against the hard tiled floor. Laurent looked irritated and disappointed.

"You can't leave now. I've barely even started. Don't you want to know all about Daniel's sinister plan?"

I started to push the chair back and make my exit.

"Don't you want to know about how I was poised to rape and murder your girlfriend just like I did those other women?"

I froze, halfway out the door.

What he had said wasn't really news. It was the _way _he had said it. So Goddamn matter-of-factly. So fucking careless and casual. As if he was telling me he'd fucking left his grocery list at home.

I turned on my heel immediately.

It was completely blank after that. Nothing I did was conscious. It was all instinctual and pure adrenaline. It was only after several agents pulled me away and seeing my handprints around his neck that I realized the extent of my anger.

I backed into a wall and blinked several times. Killing a man was never a pleasant thing, but I had done it before out of necessity. Nearly killing Laurent Marceau…it disturbed me how little guilt I felt about that.

Garrett stared at me. His lips formed together to speak words but nothing came out. Stefan was in complete shock as well. I was waiting for it. I was waiting for the moment they'd ask about her.

"Edward," Garrett finally managed, but it was all he could do.

"I…_can't _right now," I looked up at him.

I felt helpless and out of control and afraid of myself and overwhelmed. Leaving FBI headquarters seemed to be the only logical thing to do at the moment. I expected Stefan or Garrett to come to stop me. It was somewhat pleasant when they didn't. There was a greater sense of peace without them following me.

The walk to Rosalie's car was short.

I didn't get in right away. I leaned my head on the roof above her driver's side door and breathed slowly in and out

Killing him, or nearly doing so, wasn't where my conflict lay. It was how easy it had been and how naturally the rage came. I prided myself on being relatively levelheaded and rational. Naturally, the thought of being so out of control and easy to anger freaked the crap out of me. What if something like this happened again and someone wasn't there to stop me? It was a silly joke to think my stress would slowly ebb after all that had happened last night. What if one day it just got to be too much? I couldn't risk that.

"Sir? Are you okay?"

I looked up to see a small elderly woman staring at me worriedly. I blinked at her.

"Yes. Thank you," I responded.

I opened Rosalie's car door and slid into her seat. Pulling the door closed, starting the car, and driving off were vague memories. I had that auto-pilot feeling again. It took a few minutes of standing outside Bella's hospital room door for me to actually enter.

As I stood there I warred with the emotions I was feeling. There was so much conflict and confusion. I wanted to get a hold of myself before my mood rubbed off on Bella. I was sure she had made improvements today by being surrounded by my mom and the girls. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin things—singlehandedly.

"Edward, you're back!" my mother grinned happily.

She was eating a cup of chocolate pudding that she had definitely gotten from the cafeteria downstairs. An empty tray of food was on a table next to Bella's bed. I hoped it was empty because she had eaten and not because she had proffered her things to the women sitting around her.

The hint of color in her face and her overall improvement from this morning made me hopeful—she looked more like the Bella I knew—but I wasn't entirely convinced just yet. Her eyes stayed on mine as I kissed the girls hello and hugged my mom.

"Can you guys give us a few minutes?" I asked.

Rosalie jumped immediately and started to grab her things.

"It'll only be a few minutes," I explained as Alice and my mother made their way to the door.

Rose winked at me and smiled at Bella as she disappeared, closing the door behind her. Turning toward Bella, I could see the apprehension and curiosity in her face.

This was definitely more of the Bella I knew.

"Is everything okay?" she asked quietly—hesitantly.

I grabbed her small hand and ran my fingers across her skin and bandages. I wished my hand was warmer, but I wasn't about to break this contact, especially with the way she squeezed her fingers around my own. It was reassuring and I needed her confidence in me right now. I sighed, debating where to start. I figured Angela's conversation with me was as good of a place as any.

"I spoke to Angela Weber this morning," I began.

The recognition in Bella's eyes was unmistakable.

"Are you mad at me?"

Shaking my head, I gave her an honest "no."

"I'm mad at myself. She's not well off. She's in a wheelchair for some reason and I feel guilty. I did a lot of thinking last night and I realized part of why this all happened last night is because I pushed too hard. I was too focused on nailing Danny that I lost sight of what was important. My obsession was just as bad as his."

Bella was giving me a stern look, which was enough to tell me she was angry.

"Don't you dare try and presume to know how sick he was. Don't you dare try and compare yourself to him. I was there Edward. I lived through it. Your concern for bringing him to justice was nothing like his cruelty."

The tone of her voice surprised me. She had only been getting her voice back this morning. It startled me the way she managed to keep it firm and demanding. The conviction behind it was also unmistakable.

We hadn't discussed what had happened last night just yet. Her speaking about it so directly was a bit unnerving and also a wake-up-call.

"I'm sorry," I apologized to her quietly and shamefully.

"You should be. I need you right now, damnit. It already feels like I'm going to fall apart, Edward. I can't handle you falling apart, too."

Tears filled her large brown eyes. I squeezed her hand again and kissed her nose, pressing my forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry," I repeated.

We were quiet as she simply cried silently. She shook every once in a while, but she was otherwise quiet. An interrupter would have suspected I was kissing her from the way we stood close and didn't move. I closed my eyes and pulled back, sitting down in a seat next to her.

"I have to start making funeral arrangements," Bella said.

I opened my eyes and studied her face. She was staring at her tray of food. I could see the disbelief in her eyes. The spoken words were harder to accept than when they were thought.

"Rosalie offered to help. We got to spend a few minutes alone while Alice and Esme went downstairs for lunch. She thinks I should just come clean about the Isabella Woods thing. I think she had some good points."

"And what were those?" I prodded gently, hoping to continue her talking.

"I never cared what people thought of me when writing those articles. Why should I care what people think after they realize I was his daughter? Either way they would find some way to dramatize this situation."

I nodded, understanding Rosalie's point, but not quite seeing it in such simple terms.

"Is that what you want? Are you okay with people knowing?"

"I think…a small statement should be made at the very least. If I could strip people of their privacy in public settings, it's only fair I be held to the same standard. I don't want a big press conference, but I think people have a right to know that officers died because of me. They were trying to save me. And I know some people will criticize my father, despite his passing, and say he was ruled by irrationality and passion and that's why so many died, but I'm okay with that. I know it comes with the territory."

"I didn't expect you to be so calm and decisive about this all so soon," I admitted to her, "You were on a very different side of the fence this morning."

I was okay with her knowing how scared I was of this newfound collectedness. Someone with as much trauma behind them as her shouldn't be this rational. She was putting me to shame.

But I was also a little surprised at how our conversation had turned out. My intention had been to come in and discuss some of what had happened this morning. To a certain extent, she was getting me off track.

"I had a long time to think," she replied somewhat carefree.

"This isn't a front for your grief, Bella. You're deluded if you think this will distract me," I warned her.

"It's not about distracting you. It's about accepting what happened last night and moving on."

"You can be upset. No one expects you to be so ready to move past what happened. It was less than 24 hours ago," I said with a hint of anger.

"I'm not avoiding it if that's what you're suggesting. I'm just trying not to get caught up in it. Besides I think we both know I'm not one for extended amounts of crying and sympathy."

I raised a non-believing eyebrow at her.

"Oh really? So those months of depression you went through over Jacob didn't happen? What about this morning?"

"First of all, it wasn't just Jacob. Secondly, it was different circumstances. It didn't kill me. It made me stronger. Why do you think I can keep myself together right now?"

Defensiveness was easy to detect. In was saturating her voice and I was a pro at it. If there was anyone she couldn't fool with that attitude, it was me. I could see past her bullshit and notice the little things, like how she had completely glossed over my last question.

"Okay, Bella," I relented, "We'll do this your way. I'll contact Teri and explain what I need."

Bella didn't respond. A knock on the door came at just the right time for her.

"Come in," Bella called out.

Emmett popped his head in the door. His lips spread into the widest grin I'd seen on him since before last night.

"The hospital look suits you, Iz," he teased.

She rolled her eyes but smiled anyway.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Emmett breathed as I made room so he could hug her properly, "I'm really sorry about the Chief."

"Thanks Emmett."

"Is that a chocolate pudding cup?" he asked, completely deflecting the tension in a very Emmett-ish way.

Bella smiled, knowing where this conversation was headed.

"I saved it just for you," she said with mock seriousness.

"What a true friend," he chuckled, "Unlike that good-for-nothing boyfriend of yours. Asshole nearly broke my phone today."

I winced at his dig. Bella was sure to ask (and probably get an honest answer) as to why I almost broke his phone. Talking about Laurent was something I never wanted to do.

"He and I are going to have a chat about that later though," he winked at me but I knew he was serious.

Garrett had probably called him out of worry for me.

"When are you getting discharged?" Emmett asked like a little boy as he ate his pudding cup.

"Within the next few days Dr. Gerandy says. I'll have to come back though and have some of the stitches removed."

Emmett nodded. Then, as if a light bulb went off in his head, his eyes widened and he put the pudding cup down.

"I forgot to tell you! I had surgery yesterday!"

I smacked my forehead with my palm. I knew he was aiming for laughs but this was really not the way to go about it. Bella was sure to feel at fault when she knew he had gotten shot while running her out of the building.

"I got shot in the arm. The pain was terrible, but the aftermath was _awesome_," he laughed.

In a surprise move, Bella smiled and rubbed his bicep.

"Rosalie told me."

I sighed. Her response was better than I was hoping for. Another knock resounded before the women all came back in.

"Jasper and Carlisle are on their way!" Alice announced happily.

The look of guilt on Bella's face gave her away.

* * *

I apologize if this is plagued by errors. I didn't have much time to proofread this and I wanted it to finally get published.

So what have I missed...how many times did you see New Moon? What did you think of the premiere? Have you see the Jimmy Fallon episode with Taylor Lautner?

Fic Recommendations: _The Caged Bird_ by Kristen Nicole; _Facebook Friends_ by GreenPuma

Two chapters left and an epilogue ladies...


	39. Chapter 39

Thank you all for being patient with me. Work during the holidays gave me little time to write, and then I got slammed with some terrible writer's block. I'm hoping that the next chapter will come more easily. Many thanks go to my pre-reader/half-beta 4theluvofmary.

Chapter song: I implore of you all to _please_ listen to the chapter song - Goodnight, Travel Well by The Killers. I also appreciate you all voting in my poll about music in fiction. It was very enlightening.

_I don't own Twilight, and I certainly don't understand the fckery that is "Robsten" in England right now ;)_

* * *

We swayed from side-to-side as the car trampled over potholes and uneven pavement.

Greater metropolitan Seattle was silenced as the largest police funeral to date prepared to take place. Pedestrians stood still with muted expressions as their curious eyes took in the never-ending funeral procession. The car that Bella and I sat in was just one of the many that continued down this doomed path.

A large part of me wanted the driver to keep driving, to never stop this journey, because I wasn't ready to face the broken souls and grieving loved ones. I didn't want Bella to have to face this hurt. Her deceivingly tranquil expression was enough to show that it wasn't time yet. She wasn't ready for it.

The driver followed the long line of cars. Bella simply stared out the window, seemingly fighting back tears and a possible breakdown. Her disposition hadn't changed much since she had been released from the hospital.

She spent her days putting on a brave face, but I could feel her tremble next to me at night as she cried silent tears. I would lay there, my hand in midair, hoping to touch her or reach out. I knew it would useless though, so each night I returned my hand and tucked it back under my pillow. She didn't want my help it seemed. She was determined to do this on her own.

The car slowed as the driver began a crawl towards the church. Men in black suits and women in black dresses crept up the stairs to enter the doors of St. James Cathedral. Yet they were nothing in comparison to the masses of men and women who wore navy blue uniforms in remembrance of one of the best police commissioners Seattle had ever seen.

I noticed the subtle tense in Bella's jaw as the driver announced our arrival.

"Ms. Swan, Lieutenant, we're here. The officers will escort you back to my car after the service."

She swallowed first and then turned her head away from the window.

"Thank you," she said evenly—detachedly.

Bella placed her hand on the doorknob, readying herself to go outside.

"Wait," I stopped her, leaning over to place my hand on hers.

I sat back in my seat as she stared at me, not understanding the interruption. My eyes were fixed on the window that separated us from the limousine driver. It was hard to look at her these days.

"Bella, I know what you're doing and I understand why. I just want you to know you don't have to. I don't know what to do anymore to make you understand that you don't need to do this alone. You can't keep pushing me away like this or we'll never make it. Just please don't ruin things," I said shamefully.

I was ashamed of myself for not having a better handle on this.

Bella swiveled slightly in her seat to stare at me. I looked at her determinedly. The look she gave me, however, was not what I expected. It was disbelieving, angry, hurt, and a collection of other emotions that brought me up short. She seemed offended or like the audacity I had to say that was remarkable. It was a long beat before one of us moved. And it was me.

I opened my door, a swell of cool air hitting me, before I walked over to Bella's and opened her door for her.

The moment between us was forgotten as we continued on again. The dark umbrella she carried was the only thing that I knew was hers. All the clothes had been purchased by Alice at my request. I didn't want Bella shopping for clothes for her father's funeral.

Nothing she had at my place fit the occasion, and I wasn't too sure she was ready to visit her home. The memories ran a little deeper throughout those walls.

I reached for my cap and placed it on my head before reaching for Bella's hand. Surprisingly, she placed her cool hand in mine without any sort of hesitation or thought. I squeezed her fingers, hoping to show her how much I was here for her right now. Even if I didn't quite understand how she was feeling at this moment and what the motivation behind some of her actions were.

The moment between us was short-lived as Mrs. Dwyer sniffed from behind us and breezed past me to look at Bella. Hirsch waltzed up to her side. He seemed to be a permanent fixture when Renee was around. Apparently he took his loyalty to Charlie very seriously.

"Bella, I wish you would have done more with your hair. You look crazy."

I involuntarily narrowed my eyes at the slight, bony, and cold woman.

I knew a lot of love went into making someone as special as Bella; it was hard to believe that the woman before me could be half of that equation.

Bella's lips moved imperceptibly as she muttered something under her breath and tugged me away from Renee and company. We were quiet as we approached the doors of the church. It was slow walk to the front as people stopped to have conversations and reconnect. As the wide doors came more clearly into view, Bella seemed to get defensive.

Her body froze as her steps became smaller and her breathing quickened. It was like the door meant that this whole ordeal was set. If she was uncertain that this was all just nightmare, it was real now. Her father's closed casket at the end of the walkway once we fully entered the church—that was real.

I leaned my lips down by her ear and whispered to her.

"I'm here."

She nodded her head as if the words helped to remind her that she wasn't doing this alone. I supposed it was all she needed, because she was soon walking again. Bella entered the church with her head high. People glanced at us, just assuming we were guests. No one realized the worn brunette with a hand still covered in gauze was the daughter of the man they all knew on a very basic level.

It was common knowledge now, thanks to Teri's work, that Bella was the woman involved with the shootout. Teri had also managed to keep her identity under wraps, explaining to the press that Bella wanted to keep her life private. Everyone seemed to respect that, understanding how sensitive things were for her now.

We had also been lucky—not really needing to get into the Isabella Woods situation. Technically that persona was irrelevant.

We sat up towards the front, but stayed far away enough that Bella didn't need to see each grain of wood in her father's casket. That level of ostentation was left up to Renee, who plastered on a sad smile that I couldn't decide was genuine or not.

Bella reached up to take my cap off for me. I'd forgotten all about it. I reached for her hand, holding it delicately in my hand because I knew it was still sore for her.

Some organ music began playing as people started to file in. It had been a while since I'd been in a church, especially a formal one, so it was hard to acclimate. The program that had been on the pew Bella and I were sitting in gave a rundown of what to expect. Renee, Hirsch, Commander Laine, and several other people were all speaking. Bella had politely declined the offer when her mother brought it up last night.

I generally paid attention during the funeral, but my attention drifted more than I would have liked. My eyes scanned every person within sight several times. I felt too vulnerable in this open setting. It felt like the amount of police officers here wouldn't change anything if the worst happened.

Commander Laine stepped up to the podium and pulled my attention away. He wasn't a man I encountered often but I respected him. He was decent guy from what I knew. I figured anything he had to say was worth listening to.

"Good morning. Um, I was asked to speak today on behalf of the department. I had something planned out to say, but this morning I woke up feeling like I just needed to speak from the heart. Charlie never planned a speech in his life. Even the ones that were written for him, he barely followed to the letter. I think anyone could recall one of his press conferences. They were the best of the worst," he smiled.

A low hum of laughter echoed throughout the church. Bella lowered her eyes to the floor.

"But that was the thing about ole Charlie. He was a simple man with a lot of responsibility. He wore it gracefully and never complained _one damn bit_. He kept to himself, didn't ask anyone for anything, and offered his hand to anyone in need. Most importantly, though, he was one of the few men who lived for justice. He had few passions in life. His daughter was one of them and his dedication to his job was another. Charlie didn't bend to the pressure of others and that's why he died in honor last week. If everyone had an ounce of the morals and dedication he had, this world would be a different place. I personally like to think he changed some of us in the years he was around.

"His secret mission in life was to bring justice. He succeeded…especially at the end. His family should be proud and his colleagues should be humbled to have worked for him. Chief Swan was a great man and I knew him well. Those are the facts and I only work with the facts. So in honor of the hard work he died for, all I have to say is 10-24. Thank you."

People clapped immediately and I noticed a standing ovation seemed to be happening.

Commander Laine placed a hand on Charlie's casket as he walked away. He murmured something that would forever stay between him and Charlie as he paid his final respects.

Bella stood, clapping, the look on her face suggested tears wanted to come. It was my guess that maybe she just didn't have any more.

We sat back down as the priest ambled his way to the podium again. The next speaker was scheduled to go.

It occurred to me that Bella was staring at her mother, who was crying. The sobs from the older woman looked very real and I wondered if Renee was finally being human. Several minutes of staring, Bella finally looked away.

But it wasn't my Bella. It was a ghost, a further escape from the woman who had slipped away from me this past week.

Speakers, guests, and others moved around up towards the front of the church but I didn't notice it. They all moved in slow motion around us. I was just trapped in this bubble with Bella, watching her slip away from my fingers and into the painful memories of her father.

Before I knew it, Renee was speaking. I tried to listen to her speech, but Bella continued to slip further and further away. Without a chance to stop it, the crowds began to stand.

Charlie's casket was being carried out of the church. I could tell the casket was heavy and I was thankful I hadn't been asked to be a pallbearer. The weight of it _all_ would have been too much for me. I refocused and found Bella sitting down in the pew, still. People brushed past me roughly as they made their way out of the church. I sat down next to her.

"Bella, we have to leave. They're taking him," I whispered to her. It was hard to keep a low voice as the bagpipes played outside with intensity.

She was fragile. I felt like I was talking to a child instead of a woman. Bella placed a shaking hand in my own.

It was still shaking as I held on to it. It was everything I could do to try and stop it. Nothing worked.

We took the stairs to the limousine one by one. An officer seemed to perk up as he noticed us; he waved me over, directing me to our limo. Bella slid in first, her hands wrapped around her midsection.

The car started again, hoping to catch onto the convoy. We drove to cemetery. The entire trip would have taken 15 minutes on a regular day, but we made it there quickly. Most traffic gave way to the procession. The escorting police officers were serious about blocking off our trip.

Guests were already walking towards the gravesite as we stopped. The driver parked the car, glanced back at me, but said nothing. I appreciated that he understood this was very personal for us.

"Do you want to go? We don't have to. We can turn around right now and we'll go home. Renee will have to understand," I spoke quietly as I gently rubbed my fingertips against her cold hand.

"I can't back out now. I made it this far. I couldn't live with myself, knowing that I didn't use every opportunity I had to be close to him."

There was a flicker of the Bella I knew as she spoke. Still, she was distant.

Bella closed her eyes, clenching them quickly to suppress tears.

"I'm sorry I'm doing this to you. I feel like if I give into the pain that I might not surface."

"You will. I'm your anchor," I tried to assure her.

"I just…I can't explain how much pain I'm in. I know you're no stranger to grief, but…it's unnatural. I know this is. I don't want to bring you down with me. All I think about are all the plans he had for us, and his stupid jokes," she was breaking down as silent tears dripped down her pale face. "I never wanted to let him down. I wish he was proud of me."

"He _is_, Bella," I said fiercely as tears of my own started to well up.

I tried to reach for her hand, but she just shook her head. Bella opened the door and walked out, leaving me alone in the limo as cool air invaded the space she had just occupied. I stared after her blankly as she walked away. Her navy blue coat breezed behind her.

I got out after a moment. The shock of her simply leaving me overwhelmed me. I eventually caught up to her, but the second part of the funeral was about to take place.

Everything tuned out as the priest spoke.

It was just Bella standing in front of me, my hands clenched at my sides. I noticed Emmett off to the side, but he was staring at the casket. Renee was crying into Hirsch's shoulder. It was wrong that this would be my last memory with Charlie.

The firing party did their part as a flag was handed over to Renee. Quicker than I could respond, Bella pushed away from me and started back towards the other side of the cemetery. She collapsed to the ground, her weight on her knees, as she cried out. I could vaguely hear his last call being played.

I kept moving, having no interest in hearing it. Suddenly a hand was placed on my shoulder. I turned around, startled, ready to attack whoever had just touched me. Surprisingly, it was Emmett.

"Don't, man," he whispered, "just let her be for a few minutes."

I watched helplessly as Bella fell apart in her own arms. It should have been mine that were around her. Emmett's advice was sounding less wise as the seconds ticked past us.

I noticed a figure appear in periphery. Tensed once again, I was stunned to see Jacob Black get on his knees next to Bella. Emmett just looked at me. The shock was too much for either of us. The pain of her wrapping himself in his arms was next. He was comforting her…and I was standing here.

"She didn't lose Chief Swan, Edward. She lost her Dad. I know you want to be the one to help her, but maybe you should let him take over for a minute. I know it's not what you want to hear, but he really _knew_ Charlie."

"I never got the chance to," I mumbled helplessly.

Emmett tugged on my shoulder.

"C'mon," he whispered as he tugged me away.

I couldn't help looking over my shoulder as Bella sobbed into Jacob's chest. His dark hands smoothed over her hair.

"Come on," Emmett said again.

I turned around, knowing that there was nothing I could do for her right now. When she was okay, she would come to me. Forcing her into something would only get me negative results. I was resigning myself into this limbo for now.

Getting back to the funeral procession, I noticed people I hadn't paid attention to earlier in the day. Stefan and Garrett came up to me. The look on both of their faces was interesting. I was certain they weren't sure how to discuss what had happened last time I'd seen them.

"I'm sorry, Edward," Stefan said gruffly.

I shrugged, just being without an answer to anything right now.

"That's her, isn't it?" Garrett asked in a tone that only the four of us would be able to hear.

I nodded before looking away.

"I'm really sorry about what happened last week, Edward. If I would've known," Garrett began but I cut him off.

"Forget it. It's not your fault, so don't apologize. That needed to happen in any circumstance and I'm glad it's behind me. I'm sorry. I just…," I didn't finish as I walked away.

I didn't know where I was going, but I continued moving. Headstones taunted me, one-by-one, as I walked further away from the large party of officers from all over that had gathered.

Regular line-of-duty funerals brought out officers from different areas. The death of the Chief of Police only magnified that by dozens.

Bella had been with Jacob for at least 10 minutes now. I wanted to say my blood was boiling, but I couldn't. I wasn't angry. I just felt inept. It was like there was something wrong with me. I wanted to fix it, but I knew I couldn't. In the same way Jacob had been cut off from things in Bella's life previously, this was something I was cut off from in the present.

There was a small gathering to take place at Hirsch's house, but no one seemed in a particular hurry to get there. It was always an especially somber mood during police funerals. This was my fourth one and I wanted no immediate plans to attend a fifth one.

"Lieutenant," a young rookie nodded at me as I stood off by a tree.

"Hey," I nodded back.

He continued onward, making his way to another grave. It was rude of me as I followed him with my eyes. The young man kneeled in front of a grave with dead flowers. He pressed a kiss to his fingertips and placed them on the modest headstone. I looked away.

Enough was enough.

I started to turn my head back towards the group. It took my breath away when Bella was walking towards me. She was messy, but she was contrite and shy.

"I'm so sorry," she bawled as she approached me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I was mad at myself for giving into her when she'd hurt me so badly. Yet I couldn't stop myself when my eyes closed and I wrapped my arms around her torso. I needed her too much to be prideful.

"It's okay. I understand," I whispered into her hair after I pressed my lips to her head.

She pulled back slightly, looking worn.

"Can we go home? I have some things to tell you," she said.

"Yeah," I nodded, "Of course."

"Okay."

We made our way back to the driver. I opened my mouth to tell him to drop us off at my apartment, but Bella interrupted me.

"Sir, could you take us to this address?" she asked before spouting off her address.

I looked at her in surprise.

"There are some things you should know about me if we're ever going to move forward from this," she answered quietly.

Traffic was more hectic this time around and it took us much longer to get to her place than normal.

I expected that if either of us had our cell phones people would be calling us insistently, but I was glad this was a non-issue. I wanted to hear everything Bella had to tell me without distractions.

She unlocked the front door with a spare key she kept hidden above one of the front windows. I gave her a disapproving look. Bella simply shrugged at me.

We entered her house. It shouldn't have been surprising that nothing had changed since I was last here so long ago yet it did.

"It's been a while."

Bella nodded in agreement.

"Come upstairs. I want to lie down for a little bit," she requested as she grabbed my hand and led me to her bedroom.

I was assaulted with all the memories of our first time together as we moved silently throughout the house. The memories in this home seemed to be so intense. It was like the walls held secrets I would never even know about Bella.

She undid her coat, dropping it to the floor and crawling beneath the sheets. I grabbed her feet, taking her shoes off for her. Then I kicked mine off, threw my cap to the ground, and crawled in with her. We faced each other, our hands between us.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hi," she said somewhat sleepily.

"What do you want to tell me?"

"Everything. I want to tell you everything that's important. Everything that happened to me the other night. Everything about my father. I want you to know it all."

"Okay," I agreed.

"I guess I should start with what happened with Jay," she decided.

I didn't nod. She was the one leading this.

"I assume Angela told you about Jay finding out about our message. He tied me up in the back of his car and delivered me to this random building. I still couldn't tell you where it was. I just remember glimpses of what it looked like. They threw me in this room. It was cold and wet on the floor. I was crying and shaking. I knew Jay had sprained my wrists by that point. I knew there were going to be bruises, too.

"I was in there for hours before anyone showed up. I was starting to think they were going after you, too. Eventually, Danny showed up. The minute he got there, he was angry. I don't want to tell you all the details but he s-smacked me around for a bit. Jay was the only reason it stopped. I thought it was going to be my saving grace, but no. There was some water torture while they tried to get information about you, my father, Angela out of me. I wouldn't tell them anything, so that's when Danny got really angry. He said some things that I don't really want to repeat, but he basically insinuated that I was...sleeping with you for information."

My jaw tensed. I could only imagine the things that had come from his mouth. Bella ran a finger along my jaw line, trying to ease my anxiety and frustration.

"Hey, it's over now. Don't be that way," she whispered, stopping her story for a moment.

I shifted my eyes, concentrating on the window behind her.

"I'll never forgive myself for what happened to you. I know that's not what you want to hear, but that's how I feel."

"If that's how you feel, then I want to hear it," Bella declared.

I could tell she didn't really feel that way but she was trying to convince herself that that was what she needed to say. I continued to look out the window, noticing that it was raining steadily at this point. I imagined it wouldn't let up anytime in the near future.

"Do you want me to stop?" Bella asked shyly.

That grabbed my attention quickly as I looked back into her eyes.

"No," I decided, "please keep going. I've needed you to do this for a while. I won't stop you now because I'm being immature."

"Okay," she said and snuggled a little closer to me.

"Well, after berating me, Danny thought it would be funny to dress me up. Apparently I needed to dress more appropriately. I was strangely thankful when it ended up being Jay that the task was left to. I was terrified he would do something to me—I was never blind to his advances—but luckily they left him alone. So he turned around and asked me to change into it quickly. I hesitated for a while, trying to figure out how I could take advantage of his charity and run away, but it didn't last long. Besides…I knew this had to end at some point. Whether it was with me dying or being saved by you or my father, I just wanted the end to come already. I was sore and aching. My throat was dry and worn from the screaming. Danny came back in. He told me he'd give me one last chance to give it all up. I said something and it set him off."

Bella suddenly stopped. I stared at her as she looked at me with a faraway look. My instincts told me immediately to shake her. I was terrified of losing her again like I had done at the service.

"Bella," I spoke softly, not wanting to scare her.

"And then he...he hit me. Again and again until…I don't remember what happened after that. I woke up in the hospital with the nurse."

Her brown eyes reconnected with mine. Before I could do anything to stop them, tears started to spill silently from her eyes. The rest of her face stayed strangely calm as she cried. I was willing to bet she didn't even notice the tears.

"Thank you for telling me."

I placed my thumb along on her cheekbone while running my fingers down her jaw line as she had done to me.

"I wish my dad was still here," she confessed. "I never thought this day would come so soon. He just…I never told you enough about him. I never told him I loved him as much as I should have. He would have been so proud of you, Edward. One day he would have realized how good you are to me and it would've made him proud.

"I feel like I let him down. I gave up fighting against Danny when I made that comment at the end. I knew it would set him off, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Charlie taught me better than that."

It would have been easy to interrupt her with a simple: "Bella, you can't blame yourself." But I was in the same boat she was, and I would do my best not to be hypocritical. It was the least I could give her right now until we moved on from this.

"Shhh. Let's not talk about that right now. We have all the time in the world now. Tell me everything you want to," I offered instead.

"His favorite movie was Braveheart. I think it suited him well," she smiled in spite of herself, "I picked up my bad habits of the newspaper on Sunday and black coffee from him. It was always instant coffee, too. He was terrible at cooking. I'm not sure how he and my mother survived for those first few years. I guess they were loyal patrons of the only diner in Forks. In each year of high school, he bought me a piece of jewelry with my birthstone. I still have them all. They're in a jewelry box on my nightstand. I wore the earrings he got me on the night of his last banquet."

"You tell me something about him," Bella prompted surprisingly.

I was taken aback by her request, simply because she seemed intent on telling me about him. Yet also because I felt anything I had to say would be silly in comparison. How does one lifetime of memories with a father compare to the formal recollection I had of Chief Swan?

"Um, I don't really know, Bella. I don't think anything I have to say would be all that great," I admitted.

"No, tell me. I'm sure it'll be wonderful," she disagreed with a hopeful smile.

"Uh," I stuttered as I tried to recall something that was a little more directed to her. "Well, after I found out about your real name, I went to him. I remember noticing that little fish in his office. It was probably fate that after all those times that I finally noticed it then. He was so proud when he realized what I was staring at. He told me you hated it, but he would never get rid of it. He told me something along the lines of one day when I had kids, especially a little girl, that all those little fish would be important."

"Thank you, Edward," Bella said as she picked up my hand and squeezed my fingers.

I leaned forward, pressing my lips to her forehead.

"When does it start to feel better, Edward? It feels like I'll never get over this."

"Bella," I sighed while I decided what words to choose, "this is something you don't get over. It'll stay with you for a long time. I don't think you'll ever really stop hurting, but eventually the pain will let up."

"When was the first time you saw someone killed on the job?" she asked me directly.

I was startled by her question.

"Um, it was a few years ago if I remember correctly. It's not something that happens with as much frequency as you think. And it's most certainly not something to be proud about. It was also the first police funeral I had attended. A cop that was on a mission with me was shot by the assailant. We were looking for a fugitive and his son. I almost got shot that night, too."

"How many funerals have you been to?"

"Four, including…today."

"Do you still miss Vanessa?"

"Of course I do, Bella. I know it seems like I don't think about her, especially when I'm with you, but I do. There was a long time when I couldn't go to sleep without thinking of her. She would have never been to me what you are, but she was special. I still wish things could have ended differently."

"I think tomorrow we should go get that fish from Charlie's office," Bella suggested randomly.

"Huh?"

"Tomorrow I want to go get that fish. I want it back before someone gets rid of it accidentally. It meant a lot to him," she explained. "You reminded me of that."

"Okay, we'll go."

Bella and I lay there in silence for a half hour before either one of us said something.

"We should go home. Your family is waiting for us. They came all the way over here. I don't want to be rude," Bella said.

"They understand, Bella."

"No. I think it's time to go home."

"Alright."

Bella sat up first, brushing her hair out of her face, and getting herself together. I threw my legs over the side, looking on the floor for my shoes. It was harder now that it was getting darker outside. The poor weather didn't help the situation. I grabbed Bella's shoes first, noticing them before my own, as I took her feet and placed them on for her. She kissed my temple after I finished and stood up.

"How are we going to get home? We don't have the car anymore. We could take my truck, I guess."

I chuckled at her simplicity.

"Your truck is probably dead, love. It's been weeks since you've driven it. It's archaic on its own."

"A cab, I guess?"

I nodded.

In any other weather I would have suggested walking the few blocks back to my apartment, but I didn't want to run the risk of getting Bella sick.

Several minutes later a car service pulled up. Bella stuck her key in her pocket when I gave her a warning look. It was warm in the small cab and Bella and I had to sit close in the backseat. I knew I only had a few minutes left to ask her what had been on my mind for a while.

"Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Absolutely," she replied determinedly.

"What happened with Jacob?"

She stiffened slightly.

"You saw him?"

"He was a little hard to miss. I went after you when you left the burial."

"He…I…he saw me on our way out of the service. He knew he wouldn't be able to get in, but security during the burial was a little looser so he managed to sneak in. Jacob noticed us during the burial. He was going to leave, but I lost it. He actually wanted me to tell you he was sorry. He didn't want you to think he was waiting for an in or something."

"Wow. He sent an apology to me? I feel like it should be the other way around."

Bella smiled ruefully at my astonishment.

"Well he mentioned that, too. We spoke for a while."

"I gathered that. It took Emmett to keep me away from you. You have no idea how much you worried me this morning."

"I know. I just…"

"We're here," the cabbie interrupted.

I gave him a severe look before shoving a twenty dollar bill in his face. I grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her out of the cab with me and towards the apartment. Our umbrella was useless now. I stepped into the elevator car with Bella, hoping she would continue what she was about to say.

"I'm sorry he interrupted you. You were going to say something…?"

"I was just going to say I had a lot on my mind."

It was short and certainly not what I was expecting. I wasn't too sure I believed it either, but decided to let it go for now. When we reached my floor, Bella stopped.

"What's wrong?"

"My mother's here. I can hear her voice."

Looking at Bella carefully, I listened intently. Sure enough, I heard a terribly grating voice from my apartment.

"We were going to have to see her again sooner or later. Let's just be thankful that she leaves tomorrow."

"You're right," Bella nodded.

I unlocked the door, pushing it forward to reveal Renee in my kitchen along with my parents. Alice and Jasper were in the dining room setting the table.

"There you guys are! We were ready to call Emmett," Alice announced.

My mother bent down, peering at me from the opening between the cabinets and my kitchen's bar. Renee took action immediately, walking into the hall as I let go of Bella for a moment to close the door behind me. I turned around to find her inspecting Bella.

"Where were you two? It's been hours!" she complained.

"We stopped at my house, mom. Edward and I just needed some time alone to talk."

Renee laughed.

"I'd almost forgotten you owned a house, Bella. I mean you spend every waking moment locked up in this apartment now."

I flexed my hand, getting angry but reining myself in. She was a woman and she was also Bella's mother.

"Right. Well, I still do."

Bella walked past her mother, brushing her rather rudely in the process, to say hello to my parents. Esme welcomed her with open arms, hugging her tightly as Carlisle smiled down at Bella. I spared Renee a glance as I walked over to help Alice and Jasper. I looked down to see the table was already finished and I smiled embarrassingly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. We were glad to do this," Alice reassured.

Carlisle came up from behind me to pat my shoulder.

"Did everything go well today?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head.

"She seems better," he replied with confusion.

"It was better towards the end, but I'm still worried. It's not something we're going to be able to get over quickly."

"Okay. We'll talk later," Carlisle ended the conversation quickly as Bella walked into the dining room, carrying dishes with my mother.

Carlisle, Jasper, and I had started to have nightly conversations on my balcony. It felt nice to express some of my frustrations about Bella and recent events to two people who were much more intelligent than I could ever hope to be. I hoped to take this small window Bella and I had opened today to make more progress.

I took one of the seats, realizing rather belatedly I was now in for a terrible family dinner. The thing that would make it the worst wasn't even Renee—it was knowing that Charlie wouldn't be here, and that was especially obvious on today of all days.

It started with all of us sitting down. Bella sat between Jasper and my mother while I sat next to Alice and Carlisle. Renee was sandwiched between my parents and directly across from me.

I stared at the dish on the table. Maybe I was hoping for the food to simply materialize, because I wasn't interested in serving myself and I definitely didn't have an appetite. I happened to look up, noticing a fixed glare from Renee. Uncomfortable, I immediately looked away and began to aimlessly place things on my plate. It was distracting as my hands raced to do different things across the dinner table.

"Hungry, Edward?" Carlisle chuckled.

I glanced at him; my head moved so quickly I was afraid my neck would get stuck.

"Yeah," I replied with a bit of nerves.

Esme served Bella like a child, placing things on her plate after she gained approval. The situation was completely fucked.

"So, Edward, what did you think of the service? I assume you've been to a number," Renee worked to make her tone conversational, but I could detect the venom from a mile away.

Carlisle shifted in his seat, frowning as he took a distracted sip from his water.

"Um, it was the biggest funeral I've ever been to. They did a good job, but it's not something I like to think about too much, Mrs. Dwyer."

Then she sniffed—with a smirk on her face and everything.

"Exactly how many have you been to?" she asked.

"Four, including Chief Swan's."

"Interesting…so you would admit this sort of thing happens frequently?"

"Not exactly. It's not an everyday occurrence, but it's not an exception to the rule either."

"It's interesting that you should say that, Edward. That was always one of my biggest issues with Charlie. It was certainly one of the reasons why we divorced. Being an officer's wife is no easy task. Right, Bella?"

Bella looked down at her plate. From the look on her face I could tell she wasn't amused by her mother's antics. I was ready for her to explode. I had seen that look on Bella's face before.

"Actually, mom, I think the reason why you divorced Charlie is because you _left_ him. The divorce was never mutual. He only indulged you because he wanted to make you happy."

"Semantics, Bella," Renee laughed.

She even had the nerve to look at my mother and giggle. Esme studiously ignored the shrew.

The dinner was quiet once again. Alice tried to make conversation with Jasper, asking him about things in their social circle, but even the sounds of their voices couldn't reignite the failed dinner.

Without warning a fork suddenly landed on one of the dishes with a clank. We all looked up to see Renee glaring at me yet again.

"Okay. I've had enough. I need to say some things," Renee announced.

"You always have something to say," Bella muttered loud enough for us to hear.

"Hush, Isabella. Edward and I need to discuss a few things."

"Wouldn't you like to do that in private?" Carlisle suggested politely.

"No," Renee snapped, "Bella needs to hear this, too."

"You are nothing but poison to Bella. If you had kept your nose where it belonged, that lunatic would have left everyone alone. Charlie is dead now and Bella is a basket case. She barely sees the sun because of you and you have the nerve to parade around like some martyred hero!"

"Enough," Esme interrupted, "we don't need to upset Bella anymore than she has been today."

"Bella is sitting right fucking here and she would like everyone to stop tip-toeing around the bullshit!"

I stared at her helplessly. I opened my mouth to speak, but I was interrupted.

"No! You don't get to say anything! This is all your fault. If Bella is the woman I raised her to be, too, then she'll realize that sooner rather than later."

"Stop it! It's not his fault anymore than it is mine," Bella defended me.

"Ugh! How you can defend him, Bella? He's lethal. You'll spend the rest of your life dedicated to him while he spends his dedicated to his job. You would also do well to remember the kind of life you _used_ to have before he destroyed it. You're an idiot for leaving Jacob. And you'll spend the rest of your life shackled to him while you realize it."

Renee stood up promptly as she disappeared to retrieve her purse and coat. She only returned to say one thing to Bella before she left.

"When you get your head out of the clouds, call me. That or if he gets himself killed, too."

The door closed with a bang. Alice flinched and Jasper immediately put a hand on her shoulder to soothe her.

"Bella, Edward, I'm sorry," Carlisle spoke without hesitation.

Bella and I stared at each other. We were tired. Despite the progress we'd made earlier today, I was afraid we'd never get past this.

"I'm hurting. I'm shutting you all out. I know all of this. But I didn't just lose a father. I lost the single most important person to me. I'm trying to be sensitive and I know you all well enough to know I'm not the only who's been through something like this. I just need you to understand that I can't be reasonable right now. He left me…I can't accept that right now. I've tried and I just…," Bella stopped as she was overwhelmed by tears.

Before I had a chance to stop her, she stood up and went into the bedroom.

"Bella," I called after her.

The door shut.

I groaned, smacking my hand down on the table. With my face buried in my hands, I closed my eyes and just sat there.

Eventually my family started to move from the table and clean things up, but I simply sat there.

My life consisted of very few basics. I had Bella, my family, my job, and my friends. Half of the equation was falling apart and I feared that it might drag down the other half with it.

I needed to make changes.

The solution was obvious and my hand was clearly being forced now. I had to make a choice. It wouldn't be as easy as I once thought. After today, especially, it felt like I was quitting a central part of me. With Bella pushing me away and no signs of a quick return, who would I be without Lieutenant-Detective at the front of my name?

* * *

Forgive the impending long A/N, but I have some news to share:

Next monday, **January 25th** I will be submitting a chapter for Ninapolitan's Smut Monday feature on Twilighted(dot)net. It will be posted a week later, February 1st, on my FanFiction profile. I invite you all to come check it out - you'll be treated to some Casinoward!

On **February 4th**, I will be doing an interview for the Perv Pack's Smut Shack. It's an interview with none other than my bestest friend 4theluvofmary. You are all invited to come check that out as well. And you are also invited to submit questions. Do you want to know what my favorite food is? How many songs I have in my iTunes? When I will finally decide wth is going on with ANS? Send your questions through a PM to either my profile or 4theluvofmary's. I promise to answer any questions - except what's going to happen next in Secret :) A link will be posted to the PPSS on my profile.

I'm also partaking in a glorious charity project with some of the other authors here in the Twilight fandom. Ms. Kathy has organized a Twifans for Haiti project in which anyone who contributes $5 to the charity of their choice will receive an extensive document that features original pieces from a plethora of authors here on FanFiction.

I've donated and will be writing a piece for the project. Unless you'd like to wait until March 1st to see what I've written, you can make your way to: mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/?zx=a9b3fc56d5812d69

You'll find a long list of the participating authors and how much the fandom has raised. At press time, we had raised over $30,000!!

Finally, at some point or another an outtake of Bella & Jacob's chat from this chapter will be posted underneath the _Secret Side-shots, Outtakes, and More_ story. Put that story on alert to find out when!

Thank you all for reading!


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